The first time I tried to come out to someone I was ten years old and in primary school.
I told a person who was supposed to be one of my best friends. She listened.
The next day when I came to school she had told the twins; my other friends and they all laughed at me and avoided me for days on end. I knew there was something wrong with me then, see!?? So I told them I was just joking and of course I didn’t like girls that way, I’M NOT GAY!
The next time I tried, I told my cousin, my other best friend. She didn’t say a lot about it and just kind of changed the subject. The next time I saw her she asked me if I was being serious with a screwed up look on her face that hit me in the gut like disgust. I felt so sick, am I sick?! There is something so wrong with me. I told her no, of course I wasn’t, I’M NOT GAY, NO REALLY, DEFINITELY!
I started high school desperately trying to be cool, to be normal, to just fit in, why couldn’t I be like all of them? Every now and then someone in the halls would call me a fucking lesbian. It took me right back to those laughs that I heard when I was ten. I was still friends with the same girls who’s laugher haunted me and one night I slept over at their house. They had a brother who was a couple of years older and I thought I might have had a crush on him. It was juvenile wishful thinking. I ended up in his room with the door closed, in the darkness putting his dick in my mouth. After that I asked if I could go home because I was homesick - but I was just sick, I didn’t like anything about him or his dick. I felt so empty and so alone knowing that I was not normal, I was not like any of them. I sat in the bathtub with the door locked at 1am brushing my teeth and trying to erase the stain of what happened.
I came to school on Monday, and people were looking at me. They were talking behind hands and snickering. Someone had told someone and then someone told everyone and they all knew. My mind flew out the second story window in math as a girl passed me a note telling me I was gross and a fucking slut. If anything I thought it would shut them all up? Isn’t that what normal girls do, they like boys and they don’t leave their balls blue?! I had no idea what in the fuck I was supposed to do.
I drifted away from them all, I’d still see them in the halls but we hardly ever talked anymore. I found out that there were certain boys that stayed seperate from the jocks, and their flocks, so I started hanging out with them. They didn’t really care about much of anything and for once I felt a tiny bit of what I thought was belonging. Of course I engaged in ridiculous dating charades where I was one of their girlfriends. We’d occasionally kiss and hold hands and that was it, and I thought it might finally look like I fit. But I still heard it, from time to time “HEY DYKE, ARE YOU A LEMON OR A LIME?” I’d just put my head down and hide. I’d hide behind my boyfriend who was sweet and kind and dopey and gentle, even though most days he kind of drove me mental.
One day there was a new guy at school, I saw him before roll call in the hall and thought he looked cool. Later that day in science, he was sitting opposite me, and I smiled, he smiled back. We’re still friends and it’s about fourteen years down the track - how did we get to that? Well…
The next time I came out it was to him, and he told me he was the same as me. Of course I chose to come out under the label of bisexuality, because I still thought guys were kind of cute and it provided me with a shield of a certain safety and half normality. He didn’t flinch or cringe or look at me with hate, he just said he was the same, and my shame started to deflate a little. I started to breathe full breaths for the first time in so long, and I started to believe maybe I wasn’t so fucking wrong.
The next time I tried to come out to somebody I was sixteen and it was my mother. I’d spent years in torture and isolation trying to figure myself out, who I really was, what it was all about. I told her I was bi and she was quiet for a while. After I prompted her for a response she said “but how do you know?” with a condescending smile. She told me I was young, and that I hadn’t even slept with anyone so how could I possibly know what I am?? Rage is the only thing I could feel at that stage, HOW COULD I KNOW WHAT I AM? The same way you knew you weren’t what I am, that’s how. I’ve spent years hating myself for being this way, and this is the stupidity I’m faced with now? Like I had just flippantly decided that I would announce something I wasn’t even sure of? I was floored, and thus thereafter the topic was purposefully ignored. The silence said all I needed to know, this was something I just wasn’t supposed to show, it’s just one of those things that was a no go. Certain people could be trusted with my secret, the thing that people didn’t seem to want to see, but I had to be very careful about who that would be.
So I shut it down and compartmentalised my difference and tried to survive. Three years went by before I opened that door again, to a trusted friend. I never intended to tell her, but she asked me in a way that seemed so tender, there were no teeth waiting to bite me, and even though it frightened me I told her. She didn’t even care, she was just curious, maybe she was questioning things in herself like some of us do. That was the first time I really knew that I wasn’t my shame and I wasn’t my pain and I wasn’t some thing to be hidden away. I decided then to be more open. To live authentically and do what felt right for me. But I still remained private about it unless asked explicitly - then I would answer as honestly as I knew how, because truthfully I’m still figuring all of it out. I’ve learned so much about diversity and gender and sexual identity and sometimes I find the right words that seem to fit, and other times the pressure of a label exhausts me and I get sick of it.
Sick of trying to classify myself under certain banners, sick of people asking things without any thought of manners.
I know on the grand spectrum of things I am not at all like them, I fall somewhere else along the Kinsey scale. Maybe that means in a way I fail the people like me, because I can’t cement things or write it in concrete and sign it to make it complete. Or that sometimes I still find myself in certain situations where I’m being discreet, holding my candour for fear of ramifications and slander. Maybe I’m not full of pride, maybe because for so long all I could do was hide. This makes me feel so guilty, I should be proud of who I am unapologetically! Not just for me but for the sake of visibility, so that maybe more people can see - we aren’t wrong, we don’t have any agenda other than to be able to be! Just to be; to live with an open vulnerability and tranquility and to be able to do it safely!! I’m sorry, that I could not join in on the pride but maybe you’ll know why; it’s hard to celebrate something that for most of your life you’ve had to justify to people, to justify to yourself, for most of your life you’ve carefully withheld.
“Internalised Homophobia - Where Is My Pride?”
Pride month is such a wonderful thing and I know it is over now but it inspired me to share this. It’s intensely personal, not very well written and lengthy, but I wanted to be able to share some of my experiences regarding this topic. In no way do I speak for the whole LGBT+ community in this post and it’s simply a personal journey that I wrote out for catharsis.
what would rfa get mc for christmas/what would mc get them?
I’m finally doing this lmao I’m so sorry. Um, I’m going to switch this to what would they get each other for birthdays just cuz it’s not December anymore and I don’t celebrate christmas.
Probably something expensive let’s be real
Something like nice jewelry or something mc has had an eye on but couldn’t buy
Would also take mc out to a fancy dinner or make mc a fancy dinner
Mc would probably make him something instead of buying it, cause he can already get whatever he wants
Maybe make him a homemade dinner or matching sweaters for him and elizabeth the 3rd
Or if mc is an artist/writer/poet they’d make him a piece
Something from the heart
She’d get mc something from the heart too
Like something mc is interested in or things that line up with mc’s hobbies (paint brushes, journals, a video game they’ve been wanting, etc)
Jaehee is a tea person fight me on this
Mc would buy Jaehee like a super nice handmade tea set with teas
OR she’d literally fight Jumin to let Jaehee take a vacation and would take her somewhere super relaxing
She would also buy Jaehee some clothing items because why the HECK not
11/10 would spoil Mc like Jumin
Probably take mc on a super nice date somewhere mc would really want to go
Even if he doesn’t particularly enjoy the place mc picks he’d go anyway and have a good time because he’s with mc
Would also buy her something fancy (like a dress or something) or like a tiara and be like “you get to be the princess for the day and im your loyal knight who will follow your every command” some cheesy stuff like that
Mc would give him one of “Mc’s super duper deluxe massages” cause he’s an actor and all that responsibility to keep up his image must give him like crazy stress
Mc would also make him his favorite food/or dessert and spoils him with love and affection
Would make Mc one of those super cute couples coupon books and let mc use them whenever
Also would try and take mc on a super nice date
Like he set up everything and has a table for two somewhere romantic outside with string lights (like you see on tv shows)
Mc would buy him something he needs like a new laptop because his old one is super old and eats his work half the time
Mc becomes the cuddle machine and tells him how much mc loves him and appreciates him
11/10 would believe he would make a website about mc and how amazing and how much he loves mc
Meme king supreme would spam mcs phone with memes about how much he loves mc
Would also spoil mc with many gift (if he can afford those cars you best believe he will buy mc anything)
Would also be the type to buy mc what they need
MC would get them matching t-shirts with stupidly funny sayings on them
WOULD TAKE HIM STARGAZING
“I know its not the space station but its the best I could do”
Seven would be fangirling and kisses mc all over the face
you know i couldn't leave him out
would give mc one of his pieces they really like and would pamper mc
give mc spa treatment but at home
would also give mc a photo he took that captures mc so beautifully
mc would take him somewhere relaxing like a beach date
somewhere where he can let loose because he’s always busy
A/N:I just wanted to make you guys something to celebrate 1,169 FOLLOWERS!!! WHAT?? I LOVE YOU ALL, THANK YOU!!
P.S. My life has been a huge mess lately and I’m so sorry to everyone I haven’t answered! I’m trying to go through your requests now, I’m so sorry for the wait, I just want you to know it’s not a bother, I love helping you guys, my anxiety is just not letting me be creative at aaall these days. Sorry <3
Her breath came
out in short bursts as she observed the scene. Strange figures roamed around
the crash site, their overly large mouths snarling and growling to each other.
There were dozens of them. She wasn’t too safe here hiding in the bushes, but
she was reluctant to leave, knowing that people will come looking for her,
unknowing of the dangers. Ripping some fabric off her pants, she tied it
around her bleeding arm, thankful that she didn’t get more severely hurt.
Looking back up,
she tried to calm her racing heart, but a blue figure to the right immediately
made it go faster.
He was about 20
meters away, making his way out of the woods, oblivious to the creatures that
would surely rip him to shreds if he was spotted. Silently cursing to herself,
she raced through the trees, staying as low as she could. He was just about to
enter the clearing when she all but tackled him into a bush, holding a hand to
his mouth before he could yelp. Her eyes darted through the leaves to see if they
noticed the debacle.
“Y/N!” His voice
was muffled and he removed her hand from his face before continuing. “What happened
to your arm? Are you okay?” His voice was frantic but she didn’t pay mind to it
as she was too busy watching out for their lives.
she hissed, leaning further into him as one of the figures glanced their way.
“Y/N.” She shushed
him again, but he didn’t obey as he kept trying to get her attention.
pretty mouth, Len, didn’t you see the freaking alien monsters-”
“I swear to god,
I will kick yo-“
“I thought you
were gone.” If it wasn’t for the voice crack at his last word she would’ve
shushed him again. Confused, she spun her head only to see his teary eyes only
inches from hers. The pain she found in them made her mind go blank and she
became vividly aware of the lack of distance between them.
“Len…I, it was a
small crash, nothing I couldn’t handle.” She stuttered, her heart leaping at
the rare vulnerability the Doctor was showing.
“A small crash?
Y/N, you…you jumped on a freaking enemy cargo ship and crashed it! Your comm
broke, we thought you…” He trailed off, his hurt face suddenly converting into
anger. “God, you just have to play the hero every damn time and pretend you’re
not leaving anybody behind, huh?! Do you know what we- what I went through?! No,
you only think about yourself, never others! You know,-“ His voice was raising
with every word as she frenzied with trying to calm him down.
“Shut up, will
you?!” She gave up and tried to put her hand on his mouth again but he pushed
are just so selfish and I-“
looked up to the site in a panic, hoping he would shut the hell up.
understand how I even care for your immature ass-“
One glance at
his blabbering mouth during her panicked state was enough for her to shut him
up by grabbing his face and kissing him. Her lips tingled as they simply lay
there with their lips pressed against each other before she pulled away, angrily
fighting off a blush as she exploded.
“I was thinking of others when I took that
risk but I see you’re fine with me getting killed by an armed alien-tribe, now
will you close that damn mouth and let me try to get us out of here alive, ‘cause
as much as I’d like to continue this, I also want to live a little longer!”
He stared at her slack-jawed as she glanced back up, immediately panicking as
she saw figures approaching.
“Why don’t we
just go back to the ship” He suddenly inquired, pulling out his comm and
speaking into it. “I found her.” Looking at him in confusion, she had just the
time to search for something to defend herself with before they were surrounded
by light and teleported away.
It only took her
a second to realize she was in the teleporter room, and it took all but five to
realize what just happened. Leonard gave her a sloppy grin as she glared at
“YOU HAD THAT ON YOU THE WHOLE TIME, WHY-?!” You
stopped as you heard other people in the room and realized the exact position
you and Leonard were in. Quickly getting up, you straightened your torn clothes
and shot a withering glare at Leonard before you strode out of the room, ignoring
the smirks of your crewmates. You got all but five feet from the door before a
hand gently grabbed your uninjured arm. Turning around, you tried your hardest
to be angry in spite of his adorable smile.
“You said something about continuing this?” he winked and this time either of them could hide their blush.
“Maybe if you
fix my damn arm first.” She grumbled, trying and failing to fight off a smile.
I just kinda wanted to remark on Hannibal and how it treats mental illness in relation to love. I feel like in some other fandoms, characters are portrayed to love each other DESPITE any mental illnesses that characters might have. And like, I kinda hate that narrative? Cuz in my view, it kinda places the neurotypical character in an almost heroic (?) position of loving the other character even though they might face problems and places a sort of shame on the other for having issues that are ‘obstacles’ to love. It tells the neuroatypical that something that is a part of them, that they can’t control, isn’t good enough and has to be looked over or 'dealt’ with before they can be loved or are even worthy of it. It becomes more about the experience of the neurotypical person than the person with the mental illness.
So, now how that relates to Hannibal. I really appreciated their treatment of mental illness in relationships. Like, Hannibal doesn’t love Will IN SPITE of his mental health issues, but rather partially BECAUSE OF them. I feel like the show is more of a celebration mental illness and tries to eliminate the shame that is often present in these types of relationships. Of course, that’s not to say characters should only love each other for their mental illness, but rather recognize it as a part of what makes them who they are and love and celebrate it as one loves and celebrates other aspects of their partner’s identity.
Also, I feel like, in some ways, their relationship appeals to and reassures the dark part of me that feels like my mental health issues will be barriers to love. And like, obviously I wouldn’t want most aspects of Hannigram to reflect in my own relationships, but the acceptance and celebration of mental illness and of loving someone because of and not despite of their problems because it makes up a fundamental part of who they are is something that I hope I could find reflected irl.
Pokeani 25 Day Challenge, Day 10: Favorite rivalry
May vs Drew
“Drew helped me to realize that I could be really good at this if I keep working hard so I made the decision to do just that. I won’t quit until I become the top Coordinator!”
What makes this rivalry amazing is that it’s more than just a ‘rivarly’. It’s a friendship (that I firmly believe will become something more later in their lives). They keep pushing each other forward (the quote in this post is a good example of that) and even though they bicker a lot, they care about each other a lot. How about May sincerely being sorry about Drew losing in the Hoenn Grand Festival finale? Or Drew telling her later that day that she was good (something he had refused to say aloud before that)? Or May seeking Drew’s approval before she started celebrating her victory of him? Or May deciding to go to Johto because that’s where Drew was gonna compete? And countless more scenes. This is a good relationship and a good rivalry and the biggest reason why AG is so important to me these days.
Bonus gif of the scene in which they are talking about their rivarly just bc:
“You really gave me a shock back there. See, I was just thinking about you when all of a sudden there you were.”
“Were they good thoughts?”
“Ah, come on, of course they were! We had all just been talking about rivals.. So of course naturally I started thinking about you!”
Happy Birthday @loxare! Dear friend who shares so many of my passions and is always around to correct me when I make mistakes on the comics timeline. On the celebration of your birth, I give you a quick ficlet based on your prompt “Jason and Cass and Tim learning something together”. I was inspired by the idea that ASL really would have been a good language for Cass to learn and I’m sorry DC didn’t incorporate that.
Since you’re so keen on comics timelines, I put this sometime between No Man’s Land and when Tim loses Robin. So early Cass who’s had a her mind rearrange but hasn’t gotten a grasp on words yet and a Jason who is still erratic and dangerous but has his good days because I needed Jason to semi-behave in this story forgive me for canon contradictions. Again! Happy birthday and I hope you enjoy this dumb little thing!
“I have no idea what I’m supposed
to be doing.”
“Well then, you shouldn’t have a
“You know I still haven’t decided
if I’m gonna kill you or not, Replacement,” Jason muttered to himself as he
continued pouring over the dozen or so books in front of him. “You’re only here
‘cause I need you, you little wimp.” He looked back and forth from his book to
his hand with an annoyed expression. “Why do you even know sign language
“I had a lonely childhood and a lot
of time on my hands,” Tim responded simply motioning appropriately with his
hands as he spoke. His movements were slow and jerky from lack of practice but he
didn’t think Jason would notice much less mind. Using ASL was nostalgic, honed
years before out of desire to express himself during the times his parents demanded
he be silent. How many dinners and parties did he wile away, signing quietly to
himself as he told his parents all the things he dare not speak aloud? Tim
brushed aside the bitter memory, his skills were going to finally be put to use
today not just to connect with Jason but to help with Cassandra. The girl was
sitting across from him, staring intently first at his hands then up to his face
as if that would help her make sense of his seemingly random movements.
“You think this is really gonna
help her?” Jason asked, gesturing to the dozens of books they’d gathered from
who knows where. Knowing B, he probably had these books from when he decided to
master ASL in-between training with Tibetan monks and learning to swallow swords
or something. Jason, Tim had decided once the older vigilante had stopped
actively trying to kill him, was quite a softie. You could scream and yell and
demand all you wanted at the Red Hood, but the second you ask for his help
dealing with an abuse victim with learning differences he trucked over to Wayne
Manor with only a little grumbling. It probably helped that Bruce was currently
fighting some sort of space amoeba straight out of Star Trek on the outer edges
of the galaxy. But they were making progress bit by bit; you just needed to
know how to speak his language. Speaking of which…
“David Cain didn’t allow Cass to
speak during her formative years; he trained her brain to respond to body language
instead of sounds and words.” Tim said, talking to Jason but directly facing
the latest Batgirl so she could watch his slow, deliberate motions. “She knows
some words and she’s capable of learning but given her background I thought a method
of communicating using visuals and physical activity might help bridge the gap.
ASL is much simpler than English, there are no participles or rules and their
exceptions, just quickly getting the point across.” Cass’s dark brown eyes
continued to study him, she was hard to read but he was getting better. If he
was correct, she looked pretty intrigued and excited at the thought of being
able to speak in a way that suited her.
“The offer’s still open girl,”
Jason said darkly, his eyes taking on a distinctly menacing light reminding Tim
just how tenuous this truce with Jason was. “I don’t care how many guards they
got at Blackgate; I will get in there and end that abusive bastard for what he
did to you.” Most days he was still under the influence of the Lazarus Pit and
wouldn’t hesitate to kill any of them; Tim had happened to catch him on one of
his better days but he didn’t count on that lasting. Cass pouted sternly and
reached forward to flick Jason right between the eyes, stop that, she said without words. Jay rubbed at his forehead but
the threatening air between them had lightened.
“It’s not that hard to learn,” Tim
added on hastily as he tried to steer the conversation away from revenge. “It just
takes practice and patience.”
“Yeah, that’s something I have in spades, how can you learn a language
that relies in motion from videos?” Jason grumbled as he slammed his book
close. Cassandra reached over and lightly her hand on top of his, she gave him
and smile and a half shrug.
“What is that even supposed to
mean?” Jason asked with mounting frustration, “none of this makes sense, how am
I supposed to learn something I can’t read?”
“Hey, stop and relax.” Tim said
calmly, “stop trying to force understanding, ASL isn’t about translation; it’s
about conveying information easily and efficiently.” He held up a hand with his
little and index finger plus his thumb extended. “Take this, do you know what
“Rock on?” Jason asked tiredly as
he copied the gesture. In the middle, Cass also held up her hand the same way
so the three of them sat on the floor like that staring at each other. Tim felt
distinctly awkward at how casual and friendly the room felt at that moment.
“It means I love you,” Jason made a face and stuffed his hand into his lap in
embarrassment. “We take three words to express the feeling of caring for
someone. The deaf community can get their point across with a smile and
gesture. ASL to English isn’t a literal, binary transition; it’s about what you
imply with your motions.”
“Yeah and what am I implying with
this?” Jason said bringing up his middle finger and sticking it right in Tim’s
face but there was no malice behind the action. In fact, that was just the sort
of thing and older brother might do to an annoying younger sibling.
“You’re implying that you’re
uncreative and if you really want to offend someone you say this,” Tim added
with a smirk as he signed a few things that would have his mother aghast, if
she knew the language… and was alive.
“Oh yeah, now we’re talking, we’re
gonna corrupt you good Cassie. Bruce is gonna have a cow.” Jason added with a
rakish grin as he repeated Tim’s earlier movements. Cass sat between them,
following along with their various movements but she kept coming back to the I love you sign. Tim could say that it
was because it was one of the few signs she knew but somehow he felt like it
was more than that.
His eyes watch you like a predator keeping it’s eyes on it’s next target. With laboured breaths, Murphy makes his way towards you and the other guy you’re dancing with. Honestly, he just feels tense. The two of you had something - that’s the one thing he’s sure of - but now as the Unity Day celebration drags on, he’s seen you with every guy except him. It’s driving him insane. When the guy turns around, Murphy takes it as his opportunity to pull you away, his hands guiding your hips to his in a rush.
Emma smiled as she thought of her chivalrous pirate. Of
course he wouldn’t want to stay with her the night before the wedding,
traditions were important to him and she always had to remember that. She was
about to turn back up the stairs when she heard a knock at the door. She smiled
in anticipation as she thought maybe for a second he’d changed his mind or
forgotten something. She rushed to open the door to a group of smiling women
holding balloons and gifts shouting, “Surprise!”
She stepped back and smiled. “What’s this all about?”
“Come now Ms. Swan, tomorrow’s your wedding day. Did you
really think that we wouldn’t have a bachelorette party for you?” said Regina.
“Yeah, Girls night!” shouted Zelena.
“Mom, you knew about this?” asked Emma.
Snow smiled. “Emma, please don’t begrudge us this. Our first
girls night out was kind of a bust and this time we really have something to
She looked at the women waiting with anticipation and shook
her head. “Ok.”
“Well alright! That’s what I was hoping you’d say.” Said
“Now, go on and put on something more fitting for the
evening.” Said Regina.
“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” asked Emma.
Regina gave her a look of displeasure. “Do you really need
me to tell you?”
“Alright, fine. I’ll be right back. Where are we going
anyway?” asked Emma.
“Aesop’s, its Ladies’ night!” said Zelena.
Emma turned with a frown on her face. “What?”
“Oh, it’s really him this time. “confided Regina.
“He’s really a nice man too Emma. I spoke to him earlier.”
“Not to mention he’s quite a hottie.”sneered Zelena.
Emma shook her head. “Alright, if you say so. I’ll be right
“Before you go, do you have anything to drink?” asked
“Go on Emma, I know where you keep the rum.” Said Snow.
“I’m sure there’s some in every room.” Said Regina not so
silently under her breath.
“Come on ladies.” Pushed Snow.
By the time Emma emerged in her new outfit the ladies were
on their second drink, not because she took too long but apparently Zelena
thought it would be a good idea to throw back some shots.
“Ah, finally the princess has emerged. Come on now, you’ve
got to knock back a few to catch up.” Said Zelena.
Snow licked her lips. “Emma, this is really good rum.”
“Mom, you remember last time. Be careful.”
Snow moved over to her quickly with shot glass in hand.
“Live a little Emma. It’s time! You’ll be getting married tomorrow.”
Emma took the glass and shot it back. The smooth flavor was
delicious. “Mmm, where did you get this bottle? It is good.”
Regina sipped on her drip and waved towards the other side
of the kitchen. “In the back of the fridge behind the milk.”
“So that’s where he’s been hiding it.”
Snow bopped back and forth pushing another shot towards Emma
and holding up her own. “Cheers!”
“Cheers!” they shouted in unison before taking back the
Snow grabbed her purse. “Alright, let’s get over there
before we can’t.”
“Come on now sissy, poof us, you’re our transportation this
evening.” Said Zelena.
Regina finished her drink. “Alright, alright. Probably best
this way anyway since none of us can drive now.”
Zelena rubbed her hands together. “Ooh, I didn’t think of
that. I could have taken my new car.”
“You’ve been driving one day, there’s no way I’d let you
drive us around tonight.”
“Aww come on sis, I saved your ass today didn’t I?” smiled
Regina rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’ll give you that but still
no. Everyone ready?”
Hello hello! In the new update rfa greets you, and there was a quick thingy where V said that he wants to take a group picture since its rfa birthday. And then Jumin sugest to gather in V's house for a picture. I want to request rfa+saeran, who gathered for a picture. How will they look, where would they stand? What funny poses would they make and how will they celebrate the birthday after? Something like that :> Im sorry for my bad english!
Haha, no joke but we’ve had this idea in our drafts for awhile, long before the update. We were planning it for some future Enchoi Your Friday post so it’ll be out eventually. Haha:)
* Alexander × Reader
* 72: I beat you at Mario Kart and now you’re banishing me to the couch for the night?
* Requested by @shortsinnamonrol
* Request: Could you do 72 with any character you think would fit?
A/N: Finished this one. Sorry for the delay. I have another story started and will probably be finished late tomorrow. But enjoy this story.
Word Count: 1,160
You groaned and let your head thump against your desk. It was finally Friday and you had finally finished all your work. You could head home. You rushed out to your car. A small chime from your purse alerted you to a new text message. You found it a noticed a new text from Alexander.
Jefferson was more intolerable today than normal. Usual Friday routine?
You smiled and texted back.
I got drinks. You get pizza.
So you swung by a store and bought some drinks and headed home. You got there before Alexander so you set the drinks out and set the TV up. Alexander got there a few minutes later with a small pizza, filling the house with an amazing smell. He walked over, set the pizza box on the coffee table, and pulled you in for a kiss.
I'm having trouble with mother's day coming up. I see people referring to their mothers are their "rocks" or their "heroes" or their "best friends". For me, my mom is associated with pain and skyrocketing levels of anxiety. When we have fights, she often blackmails me to the point where I physically feel pain in my head, and so she is associated with sadness and high stress levels. I can't imagine how a mother could be something good in someone's life. Mother's day makes me so sad, and the worst
(2/2) part is that she is making me celebrate with her, because according to her she’s done nothing wrong, even though I’ve literally kept a book documenting the abuse and have explained it to her over and over.
*pats gently* It’s okay, I get how you feel.
There are all of these expectations built into our society about how we’re supposed to love our parents, be grateful for everything our parents have done, etc…and that may be fine for people who had wonderful, kind, and caring parents.
But for those of us who had mothers that abused, neglected, or otherwise hurt us, it’s hard when we’re faced with all of the yearly “omg, moms are the best, everyone go hug your mom and give her flowers!” stuff. And it can be the same with Father’s Day, or a parent’s birthday or other personal celebration.
I’m sorry your mom won’t listen to you, and is making you celebrate with her. That’s so uncomfortable and awful. But unfortunately, abusers don’t like to hear about their own faults, and often won’t listen at all. :/
I hope that eventually in the future, you get to spend Mother’s Day doing something for you, instead of her. Make your own “I-survived-my-mother-day,” get some ice cream or pizza, and celebrate how strong you were to deal with her as much as you did.
the mistreatment of Jin post: one thing they forgot to mention was that he couldn't even go to his own college graduation and no one in the company (or fans, or media) made as big of a deal as they did with Jungkook's high school graduation. I love Jungkook (all of them tbh) but I'm sorry, Jin getting his Masters should be celebrated for than a high school graduation. This man gets treated so poorly and it makes me so sad. I wish they would treat Jin better.
My college graduation was one hundred times bigger than my high school graduation, so I agree with you completely, boo. Jin’s not even my main bias, but I was genuinely upset for him. :( He had to put on an act, something that the other boys saw through, of course, but he still had to act okay. And that’s not okay. I hope that behind the scenes, where we’re not given a look into, he was given the celebration he deserves.
*** Obviously I don’t know what Jax’s favorite meal is, he just seems like the kinda guy that enjoys a good steak. Also, Fun fact: I made my self sad writing the beginning 😂😂***
You glanced at the clock again. It was only 3 minutes after the last time you’d checked, 8:30 and he still wasn’t here. You scooted your chair back roughly and stood up, leaving the dinner table. To say you were upset would be an understatement. You were annoyed, you were hurt, you were disappointed and you were pissed. Of all days for him to not come home, it had to be on your anniversary. You had rushed home from work to make him his favorite meal and the bastard didn’t even show up. You’d made loaded baked potatoes, grilled corn on the cob and sirloin steak with an apple pie made from scratch.
You had also gotten a little more dolled up than usual. You took the time to curl your hair and had put on red lipstick in place of your usual nude gloss. You even put on a dress, which was a miracle. A miracle that he wouldn’t even witness because he was so late. Hadn’t even bothered to call. Or at least have someone else call or text you. Nothing.
Walking into your room, you stripped off your clothes and took out a makeup wipe, wiping away your work. You threw on some boy shorts and an old SAMCRO shirt of Jax’s, going back to the kitchen. You stared at the food in the table and thought about what to do. If you hadn’t always felt bad for wasting food, you would’ve taken everything and tossed it in the trash. Instead, you brought the dishes to the counter and served 2 plates before sticking one in the microwave and putting the rest of the food away. Grabbing your plate, you sat at the table and started eating in silence.
You were halfway finished when you heard keys jingling and the door handle twisting. You continued eating and didn’t even bother to get up since you knew it wasn’t Jax. You hadn’t heard his bike. “Hello?” Gemma’s voice rang out in the house. You had told her earlier this week about your plan to cook his favorite so she when she hadn’t seen Jax’s bike, she knew it wasn’t because you guys had gone out for dinner. She walked into the kitchen to see you sitting at the dinner table eating by yourself. “Oh baby. Don’t tell me he forgot…” “He forgot.”
She pursed her lips and put her hands on her hips. Looking at your plate, the food looked good but she could tell you were eating it cold. “Heat that up at least.” “It doesn’t matter. I’m not really hungry anyways.” A tear had fallen into your plate but she hadn’t noticed. You got up and emptied your plate into the trash not caring and tossed the plate into the since, not bothering to clean the dish. Gemma cursed under her breath. God damn that son of hers. Suddenly she lifted up a white gift bag. “This is your anniversary present. Should I give it to you or just wait?“ Gemma lowered her arm and put the bag back at her side. "You can leave it.” You pointed to the table and she set it down then looked at you.
She walked over to you to give you a hug. You hadn’t made eye contact with her yet and when you finally did, she saw the tears in your eyes, bloodshot and puffy. “Oh Sweetheart.” She wrapped her arms around you and pulled you into her, you resting your head on her chest. You didn’t feel like talking and she knew that so she just rubbed your back. She’d been in your place many times before, with John. Seemed the apple really hadn’t fallen that far from the tree. The thought made her upset herself and she pulled away from you.
“I’m going to head out alright baby? I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Bye Gemma.” “I love you.” You smiled lightly. “At least someone does.” “Oh don’t say that. He fucked up, we both know that but he does love you. He’s just…a man.” You both let out a chuckle and you told her you loved her too. Once she walked out your front door, you grabbed the bag and pulled out a beautiful picture frame with a picture of you and Jax already inside. You’d never seen the picture before and it was obvious that she had taken it without you two knowing. Jax was looking at you smiling and you had your hand resting on his cheek, nothing but love in both your eyes. If only you could pull that love from the frame so you could feel it now.
Grabbing the picture, you took it with you to the living room and put it down on the coffee table. You sat down on the couch and yawned, realizing how tired you were. You tried to stay up to watch some TV, hoping maybe Jax would walk through the door. By 10 o'clock, you couldn’t keep your eyes open and had sulked off to bed, ridden by frustration.
Gemma walked into the clubhouse angrily, her heels clicking loudly. Once inside, she looked around to see if her son was around. Finally she caught sight of him sitting at the bar with Opie, Juice and Tig, downing a shot. She strode over and roughly planted her hand on the bar top next to Jax and looking him dead in the eyes. “Having fun?” Jax looked at her lazily. “No. I’m not. I’ve been sitting in Church for 2 hours going over this cartel shit.” “Well maybe you’d be having fun if you’d gone home. You know, to your Old Lady. Do something like, oh I don’t know, celebrate your anniversary? Eat the meal she slaved over a hot stove after 8 hours of work to make for you? That sound fun?”
His eyes widened and he cursed. “Shit! I’m sorry, I forgot Ma.” “Don’t apologize to me, apologize to the one probably crying herself to sleep right now.” “She was crying?” “Yeah. She also had to eat her cold dinner by her self.” He felt like shit. Complete shit. He’d had club shit to handle but they weren’t voting or anything, they were just discussing things. He could of gone home, but he’d totally forgotten. “You fucked up, brother.” “Yeah thanks Juice.” He stood up quickly and jogged out of he clubhouse to his bike.
He stuck his key in the door and unlocked it, swinging it open. “Babe?” He looked around and saw everything on but you weren’t there. Making his way upstairs he, walked into your bedroom and saw your sleeping form on the bed. You had your back to him. Climbing in beside you, he rested his hand on your back. “Baby?” “Leave me alone Jax.” “I’m so-” “Leave. Me. Alone.” He nodded even though you couldn’t see and went to shut everything off.
When he went into the kitchen, he saw a plate in the microwave and pulled it out. He felt 10 times worse when he saw it was his favorite. It looked great but he had lost his appetite. He swore he would make it up to you tomorrow.
You awoke to the smell of bacon. Walking to the kitchen, you saw Jax there shirtless wearing only sweatpants and smoking. You couldn’t lie, he looked beautiful but it didn’t make you forget that you were mad at him. Walking past him, you grabbed the coffee pot and were about to pour yourself a cup when Jax grabbed it from you and poured it himself before handing the cup back to you. You took a sip as he put the pot back and sat at the table. “Good morning babe.” “Morning.” “I love you.” “Then why weren’t you here yesterday?” He winced.
“I got caught up in club shit. We had to talk about this new cartel deal and I totally forgot. I’m sorry.” You just starred at him. He turned around and served you a plate of bacon, scrambled eggs and toast, setting the plate down in front of you. “I really am sorry baby. I made sure to talk to Clay, they won’t call me at all today. I’m all yours. I made plans for dinner at that nice restaurant downtown. We can go to a movie and then dinner. How’s that sound?” You smiled and he smiled back. “That sounds great."
“Yes, hectic…it’s been…oh…” The animated ragdoll tried to hide her nervous
chuckle with a half-honest smile. Her cheeks had gone red from this smile.
She’d been using it all night, despite the fact that it was he who came to her. Having him notice her, let alone feel the same way, was
something she was unprepared for, and Sally could never keep herself together when she was unprepared.
“It’s a good kind of hectic, though,” Jack added. Seeing
Sally tremble just trying to talk to him tickled his bones with delight and
sympathy. “In a way, you could say I was right about my Christmas all along!”
“I suppose. I don’t know if I’d call a day where
I was shot out of the sky a ‘good kind’ of anything.”
“You and Sandy were almost eaten. You
didn’t catch goosebumps from that?!”
Sally went back to smiling her usual way: content, with a
hint of malice in her stitches. “I
would have gotten away. How was I supposed to know those three…children, could sew so fast?”
“If you didn’t know that, how are
you so sure you would have escaped?”
“I don’t always
know things. I just think about them. That’s all.”
“Fascinating philosophy. In fact it’s just giving me an idea
for next Halloween. I’ll have to write it down before the Mayor makes me forget-” Jack began to go off on one of his rambling tirades before realizing Sally wasn’t
following him to the gate.
“Aren’t you coming?”
“Yes you!” Jack said as he took her by the hand. “You’re like a
kitchen mouse without its head.”
Sally blushed and rocked back and forth on her heel as her
king waited out another nervous smile. “I just didn’t think you’d want to spend
the day with me.”
“Day?” That word seemed to float in midair for minute. Suddenly, Zero’s apparition appeared out of his
grave and yipped for his master’s attention. “Its daybreak already?”
“We haven’t left the graveyard all night, rememb-”
Jack let out a piercing scream. He grabbed Sally by her
wrist, this time pulling her towards the gate.
“Where are w-?”
“It’s my first ever Christmas! Come on Sally, we have
to make something of it!”
It was shortly after noon when Sam came back from his walk. He’d spent all morning reading in the library and had to get out into the fresh air and sunshine again for a little while just to clear his head. He hadn’t seen Dean all day but had heard him wake up, grumble his way into the kitchen for some coffee, and take a shower while Sam was engrossed in his reading.
Sam wandered toward the kitchen when a cursory look around didn’t help him locate his brother. His stomach rumbled a bit. He hadn’t eaten breakfast, just a glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee before sequestering himself amongst the dusty tomes.
Dean wasn’t in the kitchen but there was something even better waiting to greet Sam. A large plate full of enormous, bright red strawberries with their brilliant green stems still intact was sitting on the center island. They were the kind you didn’t find in the regular grocery store. They had to have come from the local farmer’s market. What were they doing in the bunker kitchen? Sam was pretty sure Dean would rather spend a month locked in their dungeon than have to shop with all the new age, yoga crowd that frequented the farmer’s market.
“Dean?” Sam called out for his brother half heartedly. The glistening red, juicy-sweet berries were calling out to him. Sam found his fingers wrapping around the one at the top of the pile and pulling it to his lips. The berry smelled delicious, like a grassy, dew-covered field. It made Sam’s mouth water. He took a small bite from the tip of the berry, finding it as juicy and sweet as his other senses had told him it would be.
“Mmmm…” The soft groan of pleasure that escaped his lips in the quiet kitchen made Sam pause mid-chew. The berry was definitely good but apparently he was hungrier than he thought to have such a vivid response. Sam looked around a bit bashfully, chuckling to himself. He might as well enjoy it. Fresh fruit like this was sort of a special treat in the Winchester household.
Sam took a bigger bite, taking out a third of the berry. The larger mouthful yielded more juice from the center of the strawberry and Sam had to wipe his lips with the back of his hand as a drop of the sweet, red liquid spilled down his chin. He closed his eyes as he savored the flesh, running it cool and succulent over his tongue. It tasted like summer and the Fourth of July.
“Aw, what the hell?”
Dean’s voice crashed into Sam’s tiny, blissful moment, making Sam start and almost choke on the hunk of strawberry he was in the process of eating.
“Those were supposed to be a surprise.” Dean sighed as he walked up to the stove where he proceeded to stir the contents of a small saucepan. “I was making chocolate covered strawberries for dessert.”
“Dessert?” Sam felt like he was missing something as he held what was left of the strawberry, watching Dean move the melted chocolate off the stove.
“Yeah, it’s Valentine’s Day, Sam. I – uh, I was making you dinner.” Dean said softly. Sam’s cluelessness seemed to have made Dean feel silly about his gesture.
“I’m sorry, Dean. I guess I just didn’t think about it…” They had never really celebrated the major holidays, much less ones created by greeting card companies. This was unexpected to say the least. It was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for Sam. His chest went tight just thinking about it.
Sam walked to the other side of the island and offered the berry up to Dean.
“Here, take a bite.” Sam said. Dean licked his lips and looked up at Sam.
Sam knew his eyes were wet and he didn’t mind Dean seeing it. They had been through so much together. Their lives didn’t exactly leave time for simple gestures of sweetness and romance. This was so amazing, Sam wasn’t even sure he knew how to reciprocate. Well, maybe he had one or two ideas.
Dean opened his mouth as Sam pushed the strawberry closer, slotting his body against Dean’s as he slipped the juicy fruit into his brother’s mouth. Dean took the remaining chunk of the succulent berry in one big bite, groaning happily at the tart, sweet flavor.
“These were a great idea, Dean.”
Sam discarded the stem on the countertop and pressed his lips against Dean’s. His mouth was partially open and his lips were sweet and moist with berry juice. Sam licked into him, pushing the fruit with his tongue, teasing at Dean’s lips. They kissed like that for long minutes, messy and sticky, devouring the berry and one another. Sam pulled away, leaving them both panting, hungry for more.
“So, about that chocolate…” He grinned up at Dean, chuckling at how red his brother’s mouth was from the combination of berry juice and passionate kisses.
“All right, I guess we can have dessert first, Sammy.”
the backdoor of the club open with my hips as I carried another crate of beers
towards the bar. Only half an hour was left until opening and we were almost
done with everything.
you talk to the guy yesterday who wanted to rent the place next week?” Jerry,
my boss asked storming to the counter as he was typing faster than anyone on
said he would come by this weekend to make things clear. I wrote his phone
down, it’s on the board in the office,” I nodded putting the beers under the
counter and then started to organize the glasses.
Sophie called sick and she actually sounded sick, so if you are okay with it,
can you cover her shift tomorrow night?”
problem,” I shrugged and watched as he locked his phone and then giving me a
smile he rushed into the office. My eyes travelled to the calendar that was
hanging on the wall next to the office door it was 11th September,
and I couldn’t help but let my gaze shift to the number 8. I let out a small
sight and then turning back to the glasses I finished what I started.
later we were almost full. People were waiting in lines at the bar to get their
drinks and they most likely wanted me to serve them, not my male colleague,
Mike, because he obviously didn’t have the cleavage I did. But I wasn’t
complaining, because the more clients I had the more tips I got. I usually didn’t
care about what was going on on the dancefloor or at the entrance, but as once
the door opened I felt the urge to look at the door and as if I felt his
presence, I saw him walk in.
I froze for
a moment, watched him take a look around in the place, his friends followed him
inside and then one of the guys grabbed his arm and started to drag him towards
one of the last free tables.
everything alright?” Mike asked poking me gently. I shook my head yes and
continued to pour the vodka into shot glasses.
I tried my
best not to look for him in the crowd, but I occasionally found myself roaming
the guests with my eyes looking for his face and I usually caught a glimpse of
him. An hour went by and he didn’t come to the bar, therefore we didn’t meet. I
wasn’t even sure if he noticed me and I would have loved if it stayed this way,
but I didn’t have the luck. Soon I saw him standing up and making his way
towards the left side of the bar, where I was standing. Unfortunately there
weren’t that many people at the counter and as he leaned against the counter
and lifted his eyes up at me I could see the surprise in his eyes.
asked and hearing my name from him made me shiver, but I wasn’t sure if in a
good or a bad way.
Cameron,” I said forcing myself to smile at him.
know you are working here.”
I had a
reply for that, but I thought I better not make it too dramatic, so I just
smiled and shrugged.
“I mean, I’m
sorry, if I knew…”
have come here to celebrate your birthday, I know. But we are adults, aren’t
are right,” he nodded, but I knew he had something else to say, however, he
decided to keep it to himself. “Can I get two beers?”
nodded and started to prepare his drinks.
you been?” he asked nervously fumbling with his fingers on the counter.
been working here for about half a year and I’m close to have my diploma,” I
amazing! I’m happy for you.” I knew he meant it, I could feel it.
And what about you?” I opened two bottles and started to pour them out into
of events, the same craziness, I guess.” I was fully aware how far his career
had come lately and he just tried not to make a big deal out of it but he couldn’t
fool me. I read way too many articles about him since we said goodbye to each
other a year ago.
happy for you too. And is there someone you are sharing your success?” I asked
before I could stop myself. I couldn’t help it, I was curious if he had moved
on. Because apparently, I hadn’t. He lowered his eyes down to the counter and
shook his head.
“No, not really…
have anyone,” I said knowing he was about to ask it back.
is that we used to be a couple, but our relationship broke when he asked me to
marry him. We were too young, at the age of twenty marriage is not something I
wanted to deal with and I panicked, and not just said no for his proposal, but
after a nasty fight we decided to break up. It was horrible. I didn’t know why
I let myself say such things, and even though I really didn’t want to marry him
or anyone yet, I did love him. A lot.
and as I placed the two glasses of beers to the counter he paid. He grabbed the
glasses, but instead of walking away he looked up at me.
“Y/N, I… I
really miss you,” he said quietly. I sucked on my breath and pressed my lips
together into a thin line.
started, but he didn’t let me finish.
me out, please.” I nodded turning to Mike and reading my look he knew I needed
a few minutes and he had to take care of the guests. He nodded and I turned my
attention back to Cameron. “I didn’t know we would meet here, but I want to
take the opportunity. I know I fucked up, proposing was a stupid idea of me. You
told me how important was school for you and now I know that marriage can wait…
some more years. But after we broke up I realized that even though this turned
out bad, I still wanted to be with you.”
he said was as if I said it. I thought the same way and one entire year was
enough for me to realize that minus the proposal, our relationship was great
and we shouldn’t have given it up.
is going to be over at ten. Do you want to meet after?” I asked and couldn’t hide
a small smile. A wide smile spread across his lips as my words sunk in.
“But I have
a kind of rule,” I said holding one finger up.
proposals until I’m twenty-five or else I will freak out again.”
He let out
a small chuckle nodding.
No ring, no proposal. Got it.” He winked at me and grabbing the two beers he
walked back to his friends.
Requested: Yes. Anon asked, “34 with Dean Winchester Please?”
Prompt:“If you keep looking at me like that, we won’t make it to the bed.”
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Reader
Warnings: Cussing, Implied Smut
A/N:Sorry this is late! Something came up Thursday and it led into Friday! I’m sorry! Also, I was listening to Cherry Pie by Warrant if you wanted something to listen too. ;)
Y/N stood in the Bunker’s kitchen, her head bobbing to the song that played on the radio. In front of her, on the counter, was the makings of a Cherry Pie. She was making it to celebrate Dean and Sam coming home from a successful hunt. It was no doubt that they had celebrated at a bar, but she just wanted to surprise her boys. She placed the pie into the oven, hopped onto the counter, and licked the Cherry filling off of her fingers. Y/N stayed that way for a while, scrolling through her phone and listening to the music that filled the silence. Soon the kitchen was filled with the sweet smell of sugary Cherries. Her stomach rumbled at the smell.
“Honey, I’m home!” called Dean, jokingly. Y/N gasped and hopped off the counter. Checking the pie before running out of the kitchen to find Dean. Y/N found them in their shared bedroom.
“Dean! Aren’t you a little early? I mean, I’m not complaining but… Wait, where’s Sam?” Y/N rambled, she didn’t want the surprise to be ruined. Dean raised an eyebrow at her and smirked.
“Yes, I am early. Sam is out having his own celebration. He’ll be home, probably, tomorrow.” Dean offered with a shrug. He plopped down onto the bed and laid back as Y/N began to put away his clothes and weapons. She perked up when she heard the beeping of the stove, signaling that the Pie was ready.
“I’ll be right back.” Y/N grinned, running from the room and to the kitchen. Dean watched after her, confused. When the door disturbed the air the smell reached his nose. Pie. Dean became a man on a mission as he stood and followed after Y/N. His stomach growled as he thought of the sweet taste of pie. When he reached the kitchen he was met with a bent over Y/N, ass in the air as she pulled the pie from the oven. He licked his lips. Y/N turned off the stove and Dean approached her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Y/N grinned.
“Did you make that pie for me?” Dean hummed into her ear. Y/N turned around in his arms, lacing her hands around the back of his neck. He pressed her lightly against the counter.
“Maybe. The pie has to cool, it’s too hot to eat,” Y/N giggled. Dean said nothing and stared at her, a mixture of love, lust, and hunger in his eyes. Y/N shifted, beginning to feel the familiar tingle between her legs. “If you keep looking at me like that, we won’t make it to the bed.”
“Maybe I don’t want to.” Dean growled, lifting Y/N onto the counter and crashing their lips together.