i had to do only six

anonymous asked:

How do you get over a fear of catching an STD? And if you have a stable SD, do you eventually let go off the glove?

I get tested every six months at a sex clinic in London. So far, I’m STD free and haven’t caught anything in my twenty something years.

Also, I never ever ever not use condoms with SD’s or clients. Never. My health is priceless and no amount of money is worth it to catch something unfortunate.

I’ve had SD’s try to beg and plead which would cause me to pack up my things and start to leave—only for them to suddenly agree and ask me to stay. Works like a charm. Sex with a condom is better than no sex right?

And if they won’t budge, bounce quickly with the money. I’ve done that on more than one occasion. The look their face is priceless lol! But that’s another story.

Also, look into different condoms, spice it up! I use different ones depending on the client or SD, I personally like the super thins and the ribbed ones!

Cactus, Part XV

This one was loads of fun to write! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Cactus, Part XV
Summary: Family matters. The Styles
Warnings: Media tomfoolery but nothing too bad I hope.

They should’ve known that this wouldn’t be easy. They should’ve known that they weren’t going to get away with it.

They had a solid six months before the paps caught on that they were dating and just shy of that before they realized they had gotten married.

And she still really didn’t know how they managed to pull that off honestly.

They had only put in the bare effort into hiding early on. She would book the table because no one knew her name, they only frequented places where he was less likely to be known or places owned by friends they could trust, they never went to parties together, showing up with ‘separate’ groups of friends and leaving in different cars even if they were going to be spending the night together.

Honestly, she just didn’t think people had been expecting him to be with someone like her. She was too short, too plebeian, too curvy, too appallingly normal. It just never entered anyone’s mind that the Harry fuckin’ Styles would be into normal, everyday Jamie Schwartz.

Look who’s fuckin’ laughin’ now, bitch?

Keep reading

A very self-indulgent thing I did today during classes.

I never saw the actresses clearly so that’s partly how I imagine them ?? And the dresses are anachronic as hell, my bad. I’ll just say this is my first try at drawing Angelica and Eliza !

Bad Things- Jughead Jones

Pairing: Jughead x Reader

Description: Just glimpses in to Jughead and Reader’s relationship. Heavily based off of the song “Bad Things” by Camila Cabello and Machine gun Kelly because I’m a total slut for that bop

Warnings: SIN SIN SIN SIN SO MUCH SIN IM A SINNER, Swearing, implied smut, actual descriptive smut like guys this is kinda intense.

I DID IT OKAY I SINNED FOR Y’ALL

(Disclaimer: If you are uncomfortable with Jughead Jones smut then Do.Not.Read. This is literal actual smut intended for the Riverdale Tv Show version of Jughead Jones portrayed by Cole Sprouse, as all my other fics are. If you are offended or do not like this kind of stuff, then just keep scrolling. This is requested by my followers and I won’t deny it or not do it simply because a few other people don’t like it.)


            ___________________________________________-

“Am I outta my head, am I outta my mind? If you only knew the bad things I like.”


It was the little things about him that always had me craving him. The veins along his wrists, when his jaw was clenched. The little hints of curls that poked out of his gray beanie, almost as if they were begging to see the light of day. The frame of his body was probably my favorite part. I had never been attracted to buff men, particularly guys like my friend Archie Andrews. He was a whole different story though. He was tall and lean, almost comparing to the body of a track runner, but his body was still toned in all of the right places, and he was certainly strong enough to carry me up my stairs to my bedroom. Jughead Jones made me think the most sinful things, and I couldn’t ever stop. I’m just lucky that the feeling is mutual.

“Y/n?Did you just hear a thing I said?” My best friend Veronica looked at me expectantly, her eyebrows raised and looking frustrated with me. Truthfully, I hadn’t heard a thing she said. I was too busy focusing my attention on something more…interesting.

Jughead Jones had started out as a friend. That’s how they all did, right? We had four classes together, and mutual friends, so of course, we grew incredibly close over time.Eventually, it became something more The boy stared back at me, his blue eyes piercing through mine and in to my head, almost reading my thoughts. I saw as he mouthed a simple word “tonight” and I gave him a slight nod, biting my lip in response.

“Sorry V, she’s too focused on her loverboy.” Archie taunted me, passing by us and to his friend, knocking shoulders with him. Jughead blushed slightly, not moving from his position on the lockers, his arms crossed over him. I could fix that.

I strutted over, my hips moving a little more than they usually do. Jughead uncrossed his arms and they immediately went to my waist once I reached him, pulling me in to his body that was still against the lockers. I leaned up, pressing my lips to his quickly before the bell rang. I broke apart from my boyfriend, my hand sliding down his shirt slowly. I pulled away, winking at him before strutting off. I didn’t even have to turn around to know his eyes were on me, watching my every step.



“No matter what you say, no matter what you do, I only wanna do bad things to you.”



Jughead and I had been together for a good six months before we got in to our first fight. He always had his nose shoved in to his laptop, and I got no attention from him anymore, and I was angry. I had waited a while for him to notice, and he never did, so I took matters in to my own hands.

My boyfriend sat at a stool in my kitchen, his hands in his hair and his laptop in front of him, His beanie long forgotten on the counter. If I wasn’t so pissed at him, I might have offered to release some of that tension, but I wasn’t in a giving mood that day. I slammed the laptop shut, my eyes glaring at him. Jughead looked up at me with a confused look.

“Forsythe, do you remember why I invited you over?” I asked him, my eyebrow cocked while I waited to his answer. His mouth opened slightly, trying to string together something and drawing up a blank. I scoffed, shaking my head and walking away.

“Baby, wait-” Jughead hopped off the stool, following me out of the room.

“Jughead, I asked you to come over because I wanted to spend time with you!! Not so I could watch you on your laptop the whole time! I just want some of you to myself!is that too much?”

“You know how important this novel is to me, y/n-”

“ I know that! But I should be more important!” I shouted. I didn’t care if I sounded selfish. I was pissed.

“ Of course you’re more important! What kind of question is that?!” Jughead looked at me like I was ridiculous and I shook my head.

“Really? Because sometimes it feels like you would choose that book over me if it came down to it.” I crossed my arms, my foot tapping against the hardwood floor. Jughead’s face fell, and the anger on his face was replaced with a sad look.

“That is not true, that is not true at all, I would always choose you.” Jughead closed the gap between us, his arms wrapping around my waist. I pushed him away slightly, my hands on his chest.


“Prove it.” I spoke bravely, my tone of voice becoming different.


Everything happened relatively quickly from there.Jughead’s hands went around my back, lifting me so my legs were wrapped around his waist, and his fingers wrapping around the backs of my thighs. His mouth was on mine and I felt my back hit the wall. Jughead’s lips went to my neck, sucking harshly at the skin until purple bruises adorned it. My hands went to his sweater, almost ripping the fabric just to get it off of him.

“ My room,” I panted, my hands tangled in Jughead’s hair while he sucked harshly at the collarbone peeking out of my tank top. He adjusted my body that was wrapped around his before making his way to the stairs, carrying me up them. I felt my back hit my mattress and Jughead was on top of me, his legs on either side of my waist and his hands already under my shirt. His had already been tossed over a chair in my room.

I flipped us over so I was on top,grinding my lower body in to his. Jughead let out a low groan, his head tilting upwards at the contact. My hands made quick work unbuckling his belt, pulling it off of him quickly and unbuttoning his jeans. Jughead looked at me impressed.

“No matter how many times you do that, I’m still pretty shocked at your skillwork.” Jughead’s arms went behind his head, a smirk now on his face.

“Don’t get too comfortable.” I taunted, my hands going behind my back.

I unclasped my bra, tossing it across my room somewhere. Jughead sat up quickly, his mouth already on my chest, littering my body with hickeys. He flipped us over again so he was in control, and pressed open mouth kisses down my stomach to my hips, his fingers curling under my sweatpants and dragging the waistband down and off of me. My breath hitched in my throat when I felt his lips on my thigh, leaving light little kisses up them until his mouth was over the fabric of my underwear. My back arched off the mattress at the feeling, my fingers gripping the sheets until my knuckles turned white. Jughead hooked two of his digits in to the side of my underwear, pulling them slowly down my thighs.

“Jug… Jug please.” I begged, not really in the mood to take things slow. Jughead pulled the fabric down the rest of my legs, and they went flinging in an unknown direction of the bedroom.Jughead’s head dipped down, and I was breathing intensely, my hands going to his hair and tangling in to the strands, gripping tightly.




“We’re both wild, and the nights young, and you’re my drug.”




Parties weren’t Jughead’s thing, but Cheryl was in fact now a part of our gang, and it was only fair to at least make an appearance. So, on Saturday night, I was getting dressed and ready to go to her party. I wore a simple blue dress a gold belt with a bow around my waist, and some black ankle boots. Veronica and Betty laid on my bed, chatting amongst the two of them while I finished my makeup. I was finishing my lipstick when Archie and Jughead walked in to my door, both of them surprisingly having smiles on their faces.

Jughead made his way towards me immediately, pressing a kiss to my temple and standing behind me, his arms wrapping loosely around my shoulders. I looked at him through my vanity mirror, blowing a kiss at him, and he blushed and rolled his eyes.

“Are you almost ready y/n?” Betty sighed exasperatedly. She say up from the bed, smoothing out her romper, and Veronica wrapped her an arm around her waist, leaning her head against her girlfriends shoulder

“Oh, Bets, let the poor girl take her time. It’s always classier to be fashionably late.” Veronica pressed a kiss to the shell of Betty’s ear and her face went red.

                                       —————————————–

We arrived on time to the party and everyone split up, Betty and Veronica dancing, Archie talking to Valerie, and my back to Jughead’s chest as we sunk in to a corner of the room, to have some privacy. His arms were around my waist, holding my tightly to his body while he pressed kisses to my neck, whispering incredibly sinful things about what he would be doing to me right this minute had we not been at Cheryl’s house.

I know that Jughead would have rather been at my house tonight, cuddled in to each other on my couch watching a movie, or just talking and being in each other’s presence, or even trying out some of the things he had been whispering to me. I felt a little sympathetic for him, but I knew just the way to cheer him up.

I turned around, my hands slipping in to his, and I pulled him towards the middle of the room. An upbeat song was playing and everybody was dancing and jumping around. Jughead huffed, not wanting to go, but I knew he wouldn’t resist if I tried hard enough.

I finally got him to the middle of the room, my hands lacing with his, my back pressed against his chest as my hips swayed back and forth to the music. I could feel Jughead was tense, so I gave him a little incentive by pushing my lower body in to his slightly, and I heard his breath shudder a bit before he was moving his body against mine and his lips were on my neck.

“we should go back to your place."Jughead whispered, his lips brushing against my skin. I tilted my neck so he could have easier access, taking his hands in mine and running them down the sides of my body. With the way his body was moving against mine, and all the things he had been sharing with me earlier, it would be an understatement to say I was worked up. I grabbed his hand again, weaving through the crowds and shouting a goodbye to Betty and Veronica before starting the trek to my house. Jughead and I walked hand in hand, slowing down every once in a while to kiss each other.


"When we get home, you’re in for it.”

“Oh, I know.”




“And you keep me in with those hips, while my teeth sink in those lips, while your body’s giving me life, and you suffocate in my kiss.”


Fuck, Forsythe.” I hissed, my nails digging in to his back. My hips moved slowly down on to his length, my fingers moving up his back and in to his hair. His hands were wrapped around my body, his lips biting harshly at my shoulder. When I felt my body adjust to him, I rose my hips before sinking back down on to him again.Jughead captured my lips with his, his teeth biting gently in to my bottom lip. We lazily kissed as I moved up and down slowly, my walls tightening around him slightly. Jughead held me as close to his body as he could, our chests pressed together.

I was on cloud 9 every time I was intimate with Jug. Everything about him was breath taking, and he was so beautiful when he was like this: his lips slightly parted, his curly hair matted down and sticking to his forehead, and his body shining from the warmth of our bodies colliding.

I started to move my hips a little faster, grinding down on to Jughead’s hips. Jughead buried his face in to the crook of my neck, and his arms wrapped around me even tighter, if that was possible. I used whatever energy I had left to move my hips faster, bringing Jughead and I both to the edge. I could feel the warmth in the pit of my stomach, warning me that I was close.

“F-fuck, Forsythe,I-”

“I know, baby.” Jughead began to meet his hips with mine on every thrust, one arm unwrapping from around my body to press the pad of his finger to my clit. I gasped at the sensation, my nails scratching against his back harder.

“Shit, shit, I-I’m-” I cut myself off, not having enough breath to finish my sentence. I felt my stomach tighten and then I was cumming on Jughead’s dick, a quiet moan escaping my lips. I kept thrusting against him, riding out my high while he chases his, soon I was being hit with overstimulation, but I powered through it, bouncing against Jughead as fast as I could.

“Fuck, fuck, shit, I’m gonna-” strings of curse words escaped Jughead’s lips as he flipped us over, pounding in to me as hard as he could. His lips went around on of my nipples, sucking harshly, and his fingers rubbed quickly and forcefully against my clit, drawing out another orgasm from me.

Before I knew it, I was cumming again, this time Jughead following as he came inside me. Jughead’s body collapsed on top of mine, not before pulling out of me slowly. My hands tangled themselves in his hair and his arms went back around my body, his head laying against my chest. I could feel his heart race against my own beating heart, and I looked down at my beautiful boyfriend, as I smiled.He was all mine.





“The way we love, is so unique, and when we touch, I’m shivering.”





I woke up to the light shining from my bedroom window, the rays of sun peeking through my curtains and casting rays of light along the sleeping bodies of Jughead and I. The night before had been our one year anniversary, and he “spent the night”, Which resulted in to this morning, the both of us naked in my bed. Jughead was already awake, his fingers tracing along my arms.Goosebumps ran along my skin at the feeling of his touch, leaning up to give him a kiss.

“Good morning, sunshine.” Jughead mumbled against my lips. I giggled as his fingers went to my sides, tickling me the slightest bit.

“Good morning, handsome.” I smiled down at him, my eyes practically in the shapes of hearts. I loved this boy to death. He was the most perfect thing I had ever found in this world.

“How are you feeling?” He asked me, his fingers stopping so his arms could wrap around my back. He pulled our bodies tighter together.

“I’m great.” I told him, leaning down to press a kiss to the tip of his nose. Jughead’s face scrunched up slightly and I giggle again, my hands cupping his cheeks.

“I love you, so much. So, so, soso much.” I started pressing kisses all over his face and I felt it scrunch up again before catching my lips with his. Jughead wasn’t a super affectionate person in public, so I loved these moments I had with him, hidden away under my covers, where it was just the two of us.





“And no one has to get it, just you and me.”






“I swear to god, you two are the most sickeningly cute couple in..in… In god knows what!” Veronica threw her hands up dramatically before slamming them down on to the table at the booth. She looked at the two of us, who sat across from each other. Jughead and I didn’t break our eye contact, still looking at each other and smiling brightly.

“Come on, V.It’s cute. They’re cute.” Betty defended, sitting across from her girlfriend.

“ I know, but look at them! All they do is stare at each other like its the morning after their first time.“ Veronica scoffed before pausing for a second. Her mouth opened in shock before she whispered loudly.

"You guys fucked!” Jughead and I broke apart at that, looking at Veronica with wide eyes. I was about to shake my head when Jughead interrupted.

“We’ve been fucking, V. Catch up.” Ronnie and Betty’s mouth fell open simultaneously at the confidence in Jughead’s voice.He leaned back in the booth and turned his attention back to me, cheekily winking at me. My cheeks grew hot as I looked back at my best friends, mouths still open in shock.

“You guys, you, you’re-” Ronnie stammered, looking back and forth at each other. Jughead and I started laughing at Ronnie’s reaction, and she sputtered.

“I don’t get your relationship. I seriously don’t.” Ronnie slumped in her seat, her chin resting in the palm of her hand.

“Cheer up, V. It’s y/n and Jughead. Nobody gets it except them.” Jughead and I had already tuned out Betty though, our attention going back to each other. Nobody had to understand our relationship, because it wasn’t theirs. It was ours, And it was perfect.

2

“What do you like?” “Music. Numbers. Equations. They’re not like words. They … they don’t get mixed up.”

“If only you could talk to girls in equations.” There was a long silence, and then, eyes trained on the notch they’d created in the link, Wylan said, “Just girls?

Jesper restrained a grin. “No. Not just girls.

Aliens Vs Menstrual

Re-posting this so folks actually see the damn thing.

Please forgive the length… the plot bunny got away from me… very far away from me…


There was blood on the floor.

Avrex blinked and stared at the red droplets on the floor. More red caught xer eye. There was more just under the edge of the seat. As if someone had tried to wipe it up but hadn’t thought to get under the very edge. Only one species on board had red blood.

This had to belong to one of the humans.

But why would blood be here in waste room of all places? Granted, humans were an odd breed, and used the waste rooms for more than the elimination of waste. Some even installed mirrors and extra lights and spent an hour or more in there! But blood? Why here? And why on the waste reclaimer lid? Surely if one of the humans was injured they would go to the infirmary….

…wouldn’t they?

Avrex shook xer scaled head and stalked out of the waste room. Xey would get to the bottom of this.


The humans had been hired three months prior. Two at first. Then another two a month later. And a fifth one a month after that. They were extremely useful, and didn’t really take up much space.

Hunting down any of said humans was a challenge.

Three of the humans were mechanics, and could be found shimmying their slender bodies between various components of the ship to reach the part they desired to work on. Even with an extra set of large eyes, Avrex would often walk right by the little beings, missing their little oil and grease smeared bodies in amongst the equally oil and grease smeared engine components. At a hulking ten feet tall, Avrex often missed the little monsters because they were under something or other.

The massive first officer dismissed the mechanics as a viable first target for questions. Searching through the entrails of the ship for crew members that xey may or may not find was not an effective use of xer energy or time. Xey could always catch the mechanics at the designated meal time if the other two humans couldn’t answer xer questions satisfactorily.

The fourth human was no easier to find. He was a security guard, and could be anywhere on the ship at any given time. Despite the fact that he wasn’t a mechanic, he seemed to share their proclivity for climbing on things, and for crawling into spaces that were inaccessible to most of the rest of the crew.

That left Carl.

Avrex made xer ponderous way down to the metallurgy lab. The human designated as Carl was not like the others. He was much older. The kind, gentle being had been the first human the ship had taken on, and had paved the way for the four other humans that followed. The others respected him greatly, turning to him for wisdom and advice. Surely Carl would have some insight into why there was human blood in the waste room.

Carl was right where he was supposed to be.

Avrex pressed the alert button and patiently waited to be granted entry just outside the lab doors. The request was swiftly answered, the doors sliding open with a soft hiss to admit the ship’s first officer.

Carl had put his work station into a safe position, and turned in his seat to give the hulking alien from Jarrok his full and undivided attention. Avrex had always liked that about Carl. While the human ability to multi-task often came in useful, it was sometimes disconcerting to hold a conversation with a being that never once even glanced in xer general direction while they spoke.

Carl smiled as he stripped of his protective gear. “Avrex. What brings you down here?”

The first officer assumed a parade rest position. “I have a query about human behavior, and had hoped that you could explain.”

The human chuckled and ran a hand through his graying hair. “Well, I’ll do my best. Go on and fire away.”

Avrex paused, then decided to ignore the odd turn of phrase. Experience had shown that large amounts of time were wasted when human parlance was questioned. “I discovered a small amount of blood in one of the communal waste rooms. I am aware that humans use waste rooms for more than their intended purpose, but I am at a loss as to what form of task could take place in a waste room, and possessed the potential to cause injury. The blood was red, thus it can be safely assumed that such belonged to one of the humans on board. But none of the humans have sought out medical aid. If one of my crew is injured in any capacity, as first officer I am entitled to know, so that I may account for such injuries when drawing up the duty roster for the coming cycles.”

The elderly male frowned thoughtfully. “There are a couple things it might be. But I’m not going to stir up panic by picking the wrong one. Which waste room was it you found the blood?”

Feeling dread curdle in xer gut, Avrex gave him the correct room number.

Carl nodded. “Melanie was supposed to be working up near that sector. More’n likely it’s her blood you found. Come on, I’ll walk up with you and help straighten this mess out.” Avrex started to protest. Surely xey could manage without taking Carl away from his work if given the pertinent information. The elderly human shook his head in seeming amusement. “Trust me Avrex, it’s better if I go along. If this is what I think it is, you’d just end up with a very angry or hurt mechanic on your hands.”

The first officer shut xer maw, frilled ears pinned back against the sides of xer head. What could possibly be going on that would result in a human being injured or angry?

Xey walked back down to the correct deck with Carl, deciding to wait and see. If what Xey had heard from other ships was true, an angry human was something to be avoided if at all possible.


Despite the consistent trouble the rest of the crew had in locating the mechanics while about their work in the engines, Carl seemed to have no problem tracking down the correct human.

At his call, she crawled out of a space so tight Avrex wasn’t sure xey could’ve gotten a paw in.

The second human the ship had taken on, Melanie had been hired barely a week after Carl. She was by far the smallest of the humans, and the quietest. Her peers took shameless advantage of her small size, leaving work in the tightest spaces to her. She didn’t seem to mind, preferring to work alone rather than with her group as most humans were purported to do. In fact, with the exception of Carl she seemed to avoid all of her kind for the most part.

The raven haired female flashed her teeth in the odd threat gesture that humans insisted denoted welcome, amusement, or joy.

Melanie wiped her hand on a rag and stuck it out to Carl for a traditional human greeting. “Hey Carl. Did one of your do-dads break down again?”

“Not this time dear.” Carl assured. “The first officer swung by with a question, and it seemed you’d be most likely to have the answer. Seems Avrex swung by the restroom and found human blood on the floor. Any chance you’d know something about that?”

Melanie paled.

The elder human nodded and patted her shoulder, seeming to have derived his answer from her silence. “It’s alright dear, no need to worry. I was married for thirty-five years before cancer took my sweet Belle, and she and I raised six beautiful daughters. There isn’t a thing under the sun I haven’t seen, and I’ve made more trips to the store for feminine things than I could probably count! Do you need any help, or do you have everything in order?”

The young female slowly relaxed at his kindly manner. She shook her head, asserting that she had ‘it’ covered. Avrex shifted xer weight, subtly drawing the humans’ attention back to xer question.

“You’re the only woman on board, Mel. Would you like to explain? Or would you rather I did?”

Melanie’s cheeks started to change color underneath the grease. “I can do it.”

Carl seemed pleased by the answer. “Go get ‘em then. And if you need anything, you go ahead and ask me or Cal. That’s the lad over in security, in case you didn’t know. Lord knows he’s young, but he won’t give you any grief if you need something and can’t get it yourself.”

Calling a farewell, Carl patted Avrex on the shoulder and headed back to his lab, leaving the massive reptilian being towering over the tiny female.

Avrex slowly squatted down as low as xey could manage in an attempt to put her at ease. Xer experience with humans was still somewhat limited, but observation had shown that humans tended to be slightly intimidated by a difference in height.

Her cheeks were changing color again. Looking down, the human female mumbled something at the floor.

Avrex cocked xer head. “Could you repeat that more clearly please?”

Melanie seemed to gather her courage and finally looked the massive officer in the larger pair of xer four amber colored eyes.

“I’m on my period.” The admission made, she seemed to lose some of her discomfort. “It started a few hours ago while I was up in the machinery. I had to climb down and run to the rest roo-damnit, waste room to clean myself up. I’m sorry about the blood, I’ll be more careful in future.”

Avrex cocked xer head. “I do not understand. I was under the impression that ‘period’ is a form of punctuation denoting the end of a sentence. How then, can you be ‘on’ it?”

She stared at xem for a long moment, eyes widening as she slowly seemed to realize that xey genuinely had no idea what she was talking about. “Ok. Um… the word ‘period’ also means a length of time. Human females use the word as slang to talk about a specific time. It’s… God, I can’t believe I’m giving an alien the talk. Ok, so basically…”

Avrex listened in growing astonishment as the little female described a process by which one of her internal organs partially deconstructed itself once a month unless she put it to use in forming a baby. If she was to be believed, it happened once a month from approximately age eleven to age forty to fifty. Admittedly, compared to the amount of blood in the human body the amount lost during one of the episodes she described was relatively small. But, she explained that other fluids were expelled as well, along with pieces of the organ that was shredding and rebuilding itself. The entire process took place approximately every three to four weeks.

Avrex shook xer head. “Shouldn’t such a process be painful?”

Melanie shrugged. “Well yeah. I know some women who stay in bed the entire time they’re on because it hurts so bad.”

The first officer reared back in alarm. “Are you in pain?!”

Another shrug. “My uterus is shredding it’s inner lining because I’m not knocked up with a baby. Yes, I hurt.”

Avrex had to work hard not to snap xer teeth in xer anger on Melanie’s behalf. “If human females require bed-rest while experiencing one of these ‘periods’, why are you not in bed? Surely if you explained the situation to the medical officer he would have given you medical leave. We do not require a crew member to return to active duty immediately after surgery, surely an internal organ coming apart cannot be so different!”

Melanie laughed. Laughed!

The little human caught xer hand and gave it a squeeze. “I said some humans Avrex. Some. Most don’t experience severe pain. If it gets bad, it means that more than likely something else is wrong. Most of us wear special liners in our clothes or inserted into our bodies to catch the blood so we don’t get it all over the place. And we just go on with our daily routine. Grin and bear it. We’ll be alright.”

The first officer wasn’t convinced. “At least tell me that you have spoken to the medical officer about something to relieve the pain.”

She shook her head, holding up a hand to forestall xer protests. “Some women do. I don’t like using pain medication for something I can tough out. Humans have this thing, where we can slowly build up an immunity to certain drugs through prolonged use. I avoid pain medication so I don’t build up an immunity. That way, when I do need it I know it works really well. As soon as I realize my period is starting, I start drinking more water. The human body is about sixty percent water, and making sure that I’m properly hydrated speeds up the process and makes it hurt less. Instead of dealing with it for six to seven days, it only lasts three to four. Seriously Avrex, I’m fine, and I’ve got a handle on the rest of the symptoms. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Avrex felt as if xer head was spinning. “Other symptoms?”

The human bared her teeth in another smile. “Most of us get moody because our hormone level fluctuate a bit. It hits every woman a bit differently. Some women turn into a weepy mess. Me? I turn into a grouchy, irritable, cow who avoids everyone like the plague. Other women will get angry at the drop of a hat and bite the head off the nearest individual that annoys her.” She must’ve seen the look of shock and horror on xer face because she immediately backtracked. “Shit, not literally! I mean they just get overly aggressive, usually verbally.”

She waited for a second, to make sure xey understood, then went on.

“Aside from the moodiness it’s a grab bag of ways your period will affect you. Some people get cravings, some people get back pain, or their breasts”, she put her hands illustratively on the soft mounds on her chest to be sure that there wasn’t any miscommunication between them about what ‘breasts’ were, “get sore. Most of us get cramps in our lower abdomens right about here.” Again the illustrative touch, this time to a spot just below her belt. “Some of us have an increased sex drive, while others just want to roll themselves up in a blanket like a burrito, and a lot of us are fatigued. Every woman’s different.”

Avrex slowly shook xer head, completely dumbfounded by the sudden influx of information. “Is…is there anything you currently require? I know that Carl already asked, and you informed him that you were sufficiently prepared, but…”

Her face softened. “I’m fine Avrex. Really. I just…”

“Hey! Melanie! You gonna keep up with the men today, or are you gonna have a tea party with the dinosaur all day?”

Avrex almost responded.

Almost.

Instead, xey remained stationary, watching as a strange change came over the female before xem. Where before she had been timid and shy, at the sudden derogatory call from the newest of the five humans, a male named Dave, her face suddenly became calm and smooth as granite.

She slowly turned and cast a threatening, and yes Avrex was sure that this smile was definitely a threat, at Dave and the other male mechanic Josh. Josh had been the fourth human taken on, hired within days of Cal the security guard.

As Dave was the one who’d spoken, Melanie seemed to focus most of her attention on him. “Care to run that by me again smart mouth?”

Josh, older and more mature than Dave, seemed to understand the unspoken warning. “Dave…”

The younger human ignored him. “Ooh, someone woke up on the bitchy side of the bed this morning. What’s a matter sweet cheeks?” He made an expression that Avrex would later learn was called a leer. The male grabbed her by the arm. “Maybe you just need a little action to settle you down, yeah? How ‘bout it babe? I bet I can get that stick out of your ass. Hm? Maybe put something better…”

A large wrench whistled through the air and stopped within a micron’s breadth of the young human’s nose. It was easily the length of the male’s forearm, and had previously been occupying a loop on Melanie’s belt. He stared at it, cross eyed and pale, then looked at the diminutive little female who could’ve easily broken his nose if she’d had less control.

“What’s a matter?” She parroted the question back, voice tight and dark. “What’s a matter is that I started my day in a fountain of my own blood, and that’s how you’re going to end yours if you ever call me ‘sweet cheeks’, ‘babe’, or any other cutesy nickname again. And as for keeping up with you ‘men’, I’m already three days ahead of schedule. You’ve barely been on this ship a month and you’re already two weeks behind. So I’d say it’s you who aught to be keeping up with me, because it seems anything you can do I can do better and faster while bleeding.” Her dark eyes narrowed. “And lastly? If you ever lay hands on me again? I promise you, they will never find your body.”

She slid the wrench back into her belt, cast a respectful nod to Avrex, and calmly crawled back up into the machinery.

Dave stared after her for a long moment, then pointed. “Josh! Did you see what that bitch just…”

The older male cuffed him over the back of the head. “You’re an idiot. Never piss off something that bleeds for seven days a month and doesn’t die. I haven’t got to know her all that well yet, but Mel is worth ten of you. That woman works her ass off. If you ever go after her again, and she doesn’t kill you, you can bet that I will happily beat you black and blue!”

Avrex bared xer teeth, allowing a tiny warning growl to rumble deep inside xer barrel chest. The reptilian first officer slowly stood to xer full ten foot height, looming over the miscreant. “Consider yourself warned.”


An additional talk with Carl yielded a few ‘pearls of wisdom’ concerning ‘feminine’ needs.

With the thunderstruck captain’s blessing, Avrex ordered small metal receptacles installed in each of the public waste rooms on board at their next stop. Carl had suggested small boxes, but given the frequency of meteor showers and pirate attacks, evasive maneuvers were engaged fairly often. Avrex thought it better to have the receptacles affixed to the wall and a basic bolt lock placed on the lid so that the ‘feminine’ supplies wouldn’t be thrown around the waste rooms when the ship had to duck or roll suddenly.

Upon having the situation explained, the other alien members of the crew who hadn’t been released for shore leave were more than happy to help. They liked Melanie, and the discovery that she spent a week in pain each month and gave no outward sign was disconcerting to say the least.

Other changes included stain proof bedding, a heating pad, a new fluffy blanket, and a few earth sweets being slipped into her room.


Dave, the human who had harassed her, was not invited back to the ship.

Instead he was replaced with a male creylight from the Andromeda system. While not as small as the humans, he was still flexible enough to reach most of the components without taking a piece of the engine apart, and he was much stronger. The humans wouldn’t have to drag the lifting equipment out as often.

He was also made aware of how his predecessor had been fired for his disrespectful, inappropriate, and frankly downright threatening behavior towards Melanie.

The crew was not going to tolerate such treatment towards their favorite human.


Melanie nearly burst xer ear drums with her grateful calls upon returning from shore leave and discovering what xey had done.

She had been dreading coming back to work and having to deal with Dave. And then to find out he’d been fired, and to see what ‘sweethearts’ the rest of the crew had been…

As xey crouched down to receive the strongest ‘hug’ the little human could muster, Avrex couldn’t help but marvel at the change in her attitude. While she still treated Josh a little coolly, Melanie seemed much less guarded than she had before. She made friends with Cal, and Carl, and slowly started to get to know Josh. She was more outgoing while socializing with the rest of the crew. The timidity faded, an air of preparedness that the crew hadn’t even realized was there fell away. Leaving her relaxed and free. For the first time since she’d boarded the ship, she seemed truly happy.

She felt safe.

And Avrex couldn’t help but feel both saddened and enraged at how surprised she seemed that they would go out of their way to make her feel safe and comfortable. That she was so used to relying on no one but herself. So used to being stepped on and living in fear of the male half of her species taking advantage of her.

No more.

Avrex took care of xer crew.

“My mother was the boss of the whole family. Everyone asked for her opinion on everything. She built this business from the ground up. She made all the decisions, she set the budget, and she ordered our supplies. I just helped with simple tasks like collecting money. She passed away six years ago and left the entire business to me. I was lost. I was so nervous and shy. I’d never shown any initiative. I had no idea what to do. But I figured it out. I learned that I could be assertive and make decisions. I’ve completely remodeled the place. And the business is growing. We only had two employees when my mother passed away. Now I have twelve.”

(Santiago, Chile)

Open To Interpretation: Negan x Reader

Originally posted by jdm-negan-mcnaughty

A/N: Ya’ll. I’m so fuckin’ swamped in responsibility. I feel a lil guilty about coming back with something non-Rami but fuck it. Some other things I wanna say: Send me anything. Send me asks. I wanna answer you guys’ questions. Be nosy as hell. Also, I have something you might be interested in coming up after my birthday which is in like 2 weeks. Please feel free to request more Negan stuff, I’m branching out bitches.

Masterlist 

Warnings: Inappropriate teacher/student relationship (student is of legal age in the US and UK), smut, the usual. Also, I wrote the character a little more like myself bc I feel like I keep writing the same kind of reader and its getting tedious. Hit my inbox if this is you af. ALSO HIT MY INBOX IF YOU’VE EVER HAD ANY KIND OF TEACHER/STUDENT RELATIONSHIP? SPILL THE TEA I’M NOSY.

Word count: 4448  


“Preserving innocent life, orderly living in society, worshipping god, educating children, and reproducing.” His deep, gravelly voice fills the lecture hall. All his students are enraptured, a rare thing for many teachers. He pauses before continuing. “What are the issues with these precepts that Aquinas put forward?”

You bite your lip anxiously. Answering questions in class isn’t an issue for you, in fact your teachers often tell you to give the other students a chance, but your Philosophy and Ethics professor makes you somewhat nervous. Tall, late forties, gorgeous black beard with silver streaks and piercing hazel eyes. The recipe for a crippling medley of anxiety and attraction.

Despite this, impressing him and getting your grade is often the reason you manage to pluck up the courage to respond to his queries, his opinion of you is something you are very conscious of. You glance around the room to see no one has raised their hand. You decide to take one for the team, slowly lifting your arm from the desk.

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vulpixenthusiast  asked:

Dude srsl how did u get soo goooddd? Like, how long did it take until u finally reached a point where you could clearly see the progress in your work? Did you have a routine like, 1 drawing per day or..? I could rlly use some insight and inspiration tbh you have amazing skills

Shoot, that’s a tricky question.  Nowadays, I can only notice improvement between pieces six months or so apart, but when I started I think I noticed skills developing after just 2-3 months.  To be entirely fair I was doing 1-3 pages of studies/imagination pieces in a sketchbook every day–fyi, I had no other extracurriculars throughout high school which meant lots of free time.  

I started studying near the beginning of sophomore year (September or October), so this would have been around January or February.  Of course, the progress was pretty minor, but I was honestly just so relieved that I wasn’t stagnating anymore that it gave me a burst of motivation to keep drawing.  

One note I need to make, for anyone else reading this–if you’re beginning to study right now or if you’ve recently begun to study, try your very best to draw every single day for these first 6 months or so.  If you make drawing a habit (that is, a part of your lifestyle), it is extremely difficult to stop permanently.  During multiple parts of my senior year, I would be unable to draw more than once every week or two because of college apps and studying for tests/APs/finals, but I still had zero trouble getting back into drawing once I had the time (mainly because I craved the hell out of it on the days I couldn’t draw).

During my sophomore year, however, if I didn’t draw for more than two or three days, I would encounter two serious problems: 1, my skills would seem to atrophy (it would be difficult to control my lines, and I couldn’t visualize things in 3D space unless I took hours to warm up– this in itself was pretty discouraging); and 2, I wouldn’t have the motivation to draw anything.  Not drawing for even a short period of time would give my mind other things to focus on, and it took a fair amount of discipline to push myself back into my routine.  

Humans are Weird

Just an idea I had for the Humans are Weird tag that seems to be going around. I might write something myself when I have time but want to put it out there to see what others can do with it:

Humans aren’t the only species that can lie, but they are the only ones who can lie well. Here on earth, scientists have proved that intelligent animals are capable of lying but their abilities with deception is somewhere between toddler and six year old. 

So what if aliens only have this poorly developed abilities with deception? They start to develop myths about humans being psychic because they don’t realise their lies are so simple any human can see through them.

On the flip side, humans are so good at lying that they can say anything and spin it so well that the aliens believe them every time. 

Paid Relationship Study

I’m obsessed with the fake relationship trope and I saw this post and got inspired


“Have you gone insane, Potter?” Draco told his roommate, who was holding up a flyer excitedly in front of him. Written across the top in bold, capital letter said “PAID RESEARCH OPPORTUNITY” and just under than “Romantic Couples Study”.

“What? We’re both over eighteen, we both live together, and we get paid six thousand pounds! That’s three thousand pounds each!” Harry replied, reading off the criteria from the paper.

Draco snatched it from his hand and examined it. “Potter, we are not in a committed, monogamous romantic relationship, nor have we been dating for six months!”

“Yes, but six thousand pounds! You and I both know we need the money. It’s only a two week study, so we just have to pretend to be a couple until it’s over.” He explained. Draco crossed his arms, looking conflicted. It was bad enough that he had to share a house with the guy he fancied, but pretending to be in a relationship with him? Could he go back to being just his friend after this was over? “Come on, Draco.”

The words softened him. Of course he’d do anything for Harry bloody Potter when he was looking at him like that. “Fine.” He gave in, handing the flyer back to Harry. “But you’ll owe me, Potter.” Pointing a finger at him accusingly, Draco walked out of the room.

“More than giving you half of the money?” Harry shouted after him.

“You better buy me a present with your half!” He shouted back, hearing Harry chuckle.

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the night shift (m.)

;pairing — hoseok/reader

;summary — working the graveyard shift means you’re exhausted by the time 9am comes around. lucky for you, 9am happens to be your neighbors’ favorite time for obnoxious sex. lucky for them, you’re always up for a challenge. shitty neighbors don’t always have to be a bad thing.

;warnings — language | mild unintentional voyeurism/mentions of exhibitionism | slight instances of jealousy | unprotected sex | oral sex | face-sitting | mentions of masturbation | very mild cumplay | soft dom/sub tones

;word count — 11k

;a/n — this wasn’t the hoseok story i originally wanted to post this week but this idea really excited me. happy hixtape season, everyone!

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Fred, Hound/Shepherd mix (7 y/o), Washington Square Park, New York, NY • “I found him in Sangin, Afghanistan, which was a really tough spot held by the Taliban. We were surrounded by 200 fighters – we spent six days fighting for our lives. During this time we happened to find this compound that Fred lived in. Throughout the battles we’d catch little glimpses of him. We weren’t technically allowed to approach stray dogs, but I bent the rules. I offered him a piece of beef jerky and saw that he was neglected, dirty, and covered in bugs. As I approached him, he started wagging his tail. That was really the defining moment for me, because I thought, ‘Wow, this dog has no reason to be wagging his tail.’ After that it was just a process of lying, cheating, and stealing to get him home to the States. When we were trying to get him on the helicopter it was a brown out, and I was just trying to keep my eyes on the person in front of me. One of our guys came up and grabbed Fred like a jug of milk and stuffed him in a duffle bag. We tried to make him look like luggage. Fred was terrified but he got right on that helicopter. It was like an extraction. Most dogs in the military are trained to be okay in that situation, but we stumbled upon Fred. He had no reason to trust us, but he did. During those six days, one of our guys got hit in the helmet with a bullet and his only memory is Fred coming over and putting his head on his chest. He impacted us then and continues to impact me every day. I always say, I rescued him once, but he has rescued me countless times. He’s taught me stubborn positivity. Coming home as a veteran, we naturally gravitate towards the negative and Fred doesn’t let me do that. He doesn’t allow me to spiral downwards. And that’s all dogs too – it’s not just Fred. That’s the influence a dog can have on your life.” @fredtheafghan
»
Check out Craig’s book, “Craig & Fred: A Marine, A Stray Dog, and How They Rescued Each Other”. They’ll also be telling their story at Badass Brooklyn’s annual bash this Wednesday, 11/15 from 7-10pm at 635 Sackett St., Brooklyn. @badassbrooklyn

Since today is Benedict’s birthday, I thought to share my story.

So, there it is.

I’m an Italian girl studying in London, and the important thing about this, is that Benedict Cumberbatch brought me there.

I started watching Sherlock three years ago, and the problem was that it didn’t just become my favorite tv show ever, but it also changed my life in a significant way.

I was already familiar with the Sherlock Holmes movies, but when I saw Benedict’s version, I was completely blown away, because I had never been impressed by an actor in that way before. I started reading the novels, I fell in love with the English Literature and theatre, I fell in love with London and everything related to that city.
Since that moment, I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that my country may not have been the right choice for my future.

Therefore, two years later I sent my application for a university in London, and it was accepted. Then, on September 2016, I left Italy, my family, my friends, and everything that had been part of my life up to that point. It was one of the most frightening and challenging moments of my life. And so were the following weeks, because I kept feeling out of place and lost, and I missed my family.

Then something happened.
Benedict was announced as guest at the Sherlock convention two days before the actual convention took place. Nobody was expecting that announcement.
I immediately bought a photo with him, using the money I received for my 18th birthday. For the first time since my departure, I was happy to be where I was, and for the first time I didn’t feel homesick.

That day was surreal. I didn’t eat or drink anything all day, the only thing I could think about was what to do or say once I’d reach him. My hearth had never beat faster.

After thinking and overthinking, I finally found the perfect phrase: six words, six simple words that would have summed up what he represented for me, so I kept repeating those six words in my head.

When the moment came, and once I entered the room, I had ten seconds to realize that the person who somehow brought me to that point of my life was right in front of me, smiling and posing for everybody. Everything else stopped, I don’t remember anything, I just remember looking at him and being happy.

When my turn came I said those six words out loud with my trembling voice.

“Thank you for being my inspiration”, I said to him.
He said a quick thank you before the picture was taken. But right after that, he looked at me in the eyes and said: “Thank you for telling me that”.

Benedict Cumberbatch didn’t know me at all, I was just a fan as everybody else, and yet he listened to me, he really listened to me and thanked me.

He was kind and nice, as you’d expect him to be.

I was completely overwhelmed.

Benedict Cumberbatch was the first person who made me feel at home in a city which wasn’t my own.
Is he simply an actor? Yes.
Does he know me? No.
Do I really know him? No.

And yet, in that day I felt truly happy for the first time since I had left my family.
In a moment when all I wanted to do was give up and go home, Benedict Cumberbatch was the only person who was able to make me feel like if I was in the right place, at the right moment, doing the right thing. So I didn’t give up, and now I’m about to begin my second year.

He inspires me everyday as an actor and as a human being, and there’s no way I could possibly explain my gratitude to this man, but I hope that one day I will be able to tell him how profound his impact on my life was.

So, happy birthday Benedict, you’re an extraordinary actor and a wonderful, wonderful person. You deserve the world and more 🎂 ♥️

cabezotapequeno  asked:

Do you have any advice if someone wants to create an entirely new mythology for their story?

Mythology is a human creation which serves as a way to make sense to the world, surroundings and, mostly, natural events. Mythology tells the story of origins of the world, of people, of elements, and such. My approach to the creation of new mythology will have the geography as the foundation for mythology. The reason for this is that we try to explain, or find a reason, to what we see, hear, or sense. I can not explain, even with a myth, snow if I have never seen it, or heard about it. I can not explain the Aurora Borealis if I don’t know it exists. This might be reductionist since mythology relies on more than meets the eye (aka symbolism, rites, traditions, roles, kinship, among others), but it is a starting point.

Geography
When creating a new mythology you have to know where the story will take place and the conditions of said place. The weather, the animals, the flora, the natural events, and so. How do the people of your story understand and perceive the sunrise, the sunset, the waves, the rivers, the eclipses, the storms. Is there a story behind the shape of the mountains, are the animals a representation of gods and godessess. What about the stars, do they mean something to them? Compile the geography of your setting, use mythology to explain what your characters can see, the vital elements to their survival, and natural events that can happen from time to time. The geography itself can play an important role in the developing of the story, take for example a city surrounded by mountains, the sun rises from the mountains and sets behind them. There are no hurricanes, no tornados, no tsunamis, nothing that can harm the population to a big extent. What role do the mountains play here? Are they protectors of the city? How do the people feel when they travel to a place where there are no mountains? On its counterpart, what about people living on an island, how do they feel about the ocean? What it means to them?

Creation
How did things begin for the people in your story? What’s the beginning of their world. What are the elements arround it? Did a powerful entity created it, was it because of a natural, yet untraceable event. How did the rivers become rivers, who or what created the moon, or is i tan entity on its own?

Life
Is life given or is it created? If so, who, or what, gives it; who, or what, creates it? What is the definition of life to the people of your story? Is the ocean alive? Do the mountains speak to the people who can understand them? Is life a synonym of movement? Is the wind an influx of life? Are living organisms separated into body-mind, body-mind-soul, body-soul?

Destruction
Some natural events can fall into the destruction category, such as volcano eruptions, earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, among others. For your people, is the creator also a destroyer, or are there other entities besides the creator. Is the destruction seen as something bad or as something natural and even necessary?

Death
Is death the opposite of life? What do the people of your story consider death? Is it given, is it earned? Who can die, who can live forever? Does the sun dies after it sets? What happens to the body after death? Is there an afterlife people can look up to?

Time
Is time linear or circular? How is it measured by the people on your story? Do the days turn into weeks or do they remain days forever? How do people differentiate one season from another? Is there an entity that controls the time, or is it time an entity on its own?

Symbols
Do the entities have a correspondece here on earth, are specific symbols associated to them? Are certain events a warning for something bigger?  Do the people wear objects that resemble the entities they worship? Is there any iconography for these entities?

Prophecies
Are there any prophecies in your mythology? It could be about the end of the world, about the arrival of a different group of people, about a natural event, among others.

Heroes
Mythology also relies on heroes who have accomplished great tasks in order to prove themselves worthy of something. They are usually portrayed as role models for the society, as they embody the values of it.

Rites (also involved in religion)
Are there any rites involved in your mythology? This could be before eating, before hunting, before a birth, or after those above. A rite is usually a sacred act that allows people to go from one state to another within their society.

Traditions (like rites, they respond to a diferent structure)
These are a less sacred form of rites. Traditions carry the past on them as they rememorate an event of importance to society, to a family, ore ven to a single person. A birthday celebration can be labeled as a tradition.

Suggestions
Below you’ll find a list of books written by anthropologists and such, about mythology. Not all of them are explicit about it. Also this books were written by people outside the societies they wrote about, so read them with a critical eye.

  • Tim Ingold - The temporality of the landscape (paper)
  • Pierre Clastres - Chronicle of the Guayaki India
  • Claude Levi-Strauss - Mythologiques / How myths die / Many of his work
  • Mircea Eliade - Many of his work
  • Louis-Vincent Thomas - Anthropologie de la mort
  • Joseph Campbell - Transformations of Myths through time
  • Fernando Santos-Granero - Writing history into the landscape: Space, Myth, and Ritual in Contemporary Amazonia

Advice

  • Define what is sacred and what is profane for the people in your story.
  • The same goes for values and moral expectations. Think of archetypes here.
  • In many cultures, as well as in many mythologies, you can find a universal flood and universal fire myth. This is because both elements have cleansing properties. There can be mythological creatures associated to them or not. As well, these myths can be replicated when someone is born or when someone dies.
  • Mythology is part of the worldbuilding, and it plays an important role in society since it permeates to daily life.
  • As time passes, myths change, or are changed, to keep them alive. At the same time, they can be transformed to fit societal changes.
  • Mythology is not the same as religion. This being said, monoteism is not a higher or more advanced state than animism or polyteism.


I hope this works for you!

Lia

Below there’s a not-so-short passage of the book Blindness by José Saramago. It isn’t a major spoiler but it shows how much incidence we, humans, have on the gods we create and re-create. It’s rather long, so if you want to skip it, or read the book (which I advice), feel free to do it. Also, I cut off some parts, but it stills makes sense.

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so i was thinking how much people seemed to overlook Lance listening to music in season 1 may or may not be because i always do the same and then this popped out. This takes place sometime during season two. (WC: 1208)


Keith lays down in bed, curling himself against Lance’s side, who is putting on Pidge’s headphones. He breathes in, relishing in the scent of pure Lance

They’re in “Lance’s” room, but in all honesty, it’s both of theirs. Their clothes are both here, they both sleep here, they both brush their teeth and shower here. It’s theirs, and that little word change has never made his heart flutter so often.

But there’s only one thing that Keith is really thinking about. The one thing he always thinks about before they go to bed.

“Hey, Lance?” says Keith, wrapping an arm around Lance’s bare waist.

Lance pauses mid-motion. “Yeah?”

“Why do you always wear those in bed?” asks Keith. He lifts his head, resting his chin on Lance’s chest to face him.

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15 tips for traveling alone

I recently returned from a four-month trip around Europe. I backpacked to Spain, Portugal, Italy, Croatia, Greece, Hungary, Germany, Norway and The Netherlands, sometimes with my best friend, sometimes with new friends, and sometimes all alone. 

Travelling alone was one of the best experiences of my life. You’ll surprise yourself with your keen intuition, your ability to cope with a new language, your friend-making skills, your geographical bearings and overall just how much you enjoy doing whatever you want, whenever you want - from eating whenever, going wherever and doing whatever you feel like doing. Sometimes I had gelato for breakfast, once I spent six hours in a museum, a few times I slept til midday, I went to a music festival solo and I swam in the ocean morning, noon and dusk. 

But travelling alone can also be problematic and lonely if you’re not properly prepared. Here’s some easy tips that really enriched my experience travelling alone. 

1. Laptop smart
Not only is it exceedingly hard to navigate foreign transport sites from a phone, my laptop proved really valuable to me when I needed precious downtime, which was about once a week. I loaded up a portable hard drive with movies and boxsets so I could retreat into my own little world with my headphones on to watch a movie in bed when I needed a bit of ‘me’ time. 

2. Device smart
- I subscribed to Spotify Premium for $10 a month and built myself some playlists by mood - chill, happy, groovy, pensive. Then I downloaded them, so they were available offline.
- I also downloaded Tripit, an app that links with your email and builds you an automatic itinerary based on your email confirmations.
- I also downloaded Maps.me, an app with offline maps and GPS location so I was never lost. I dropped a (permanent) pin on the location of my accommodation in each city so I always had my bearings. 
- Also make sure your emails are accessible on your phone - I found the Gmail app to be the best option for me, because many of my emails were available offline - valuable when I needed an address or confirmation number, which was a lot!

3. Spend smart
I went with Citibank Australia, who offer a Citibank Plus everyday account with fee-free withdrawals and fee-free transactions anywhere in the world. Shop around your banks and see what deal you can find - don’t just go with your own bank, who might smash you with withdrawal and transaction fees. Every dollar counts when you’re overseas.

4. Insure smart 
This was a non-negotiable. I actually submitted two claims after this trip - one for a lost phone and another for a change of trip. Make sure you know what you’re entitled to before you commit to a policy - valuables up to $1,000 is essential if you’re taking that laptop or smartphone!

5. Pack smart
A few quick tips:
- Don’t take anything that needs ironing. You’ll never wear it, trust me. 
- Bring your runners so you can walk miles during the day. It really made all the difference for me - on days I wore them I could walk up to 30,000 steps without any pain whatsoever. 
- Bring your flip flops for showering. Tinea is rampant in hostel world!
- Bring exercise gear. I always moved from place to place in my exercise gear - it’s easy to sleep in on long haul bus-rides, and you don’t want to wear your 15kg pack with bad shoes - it hurts your ankles!
- Pack, then don’t take half the things you packed. Every little thing is a lot heavier on your back in the blistering heat, trust me. And they have toiletries in other countries too, you know!

6. Disembark smart
- Always carry some cash with you for the country you’re going to - for me, it was mostly euros. It was essential for my commute from the airport, and when I forgot to arm myself with currency, I was left disoriented, tired and wandering around trying to find an ATM while not getting robbed.
- It’s also worth Googling bus or train information before you board your plane, so you know the fastest and cheapest way to your accommodation before you land. Taxis are tempting - but will run your budget dry quickly. 

7. Book smart 
- Book directly through the website, not the compare-sites - it’s cheaper! This includes airlines, bus companies and train websites, and the hostel websites when it comes to booking your accommodation.
- Also, always book your bits and bobs in a private browsing section. Airline websites have algorithms that send the ticket prices up if they log your IP looking at a price a couple times to create a sense of urgency in you.
- But don’t feel like you need to map your whole plan out before you even leave home - I purposefully left gaps in my plan and life filled them in. I stayed with europeans I’d met overseas, travelled with new friends and went to countries that I had no plans on going to, like Norway (one of my favourite countries in the end!) 

8. Backup smart
After every country I backed up my phone to my laptop and my laptop to my hard drive. If you trust the Cloud, backup to there too. It is devastating to lose travel photos - they’re about the most important thing you own when you travel. 

9. Stay smart
- Hostelworld.com is the go-to site for hostels. If I was nervous about my choice, I’d usually book one night in and extend my stay if it felt right. I always read plenty of reviews for each place, particularly taking notice of the location rating. Cleanliness in the bathroom, uncomfortable beds or a tiny kitchen were things I could deal with. A 30 minute commute to the city was something that wore me down pretty quickly.
- Speaking of the kitchen - that ‘free’ shelf in the fridge is your best friend - use it!

10. Be alone smart
- Find a local pub and go and sit at the bar with a good book. Strike up a conversation with the bartender - they are probably bored out of their mind! Bartenders have a wealth of cultural knowledge about their city that you’d never find on Trip Advisor - ask for their hot tips on eating, drinking, shopping and the sights. I asked each bartender to draw all over a fold-up map in each city so I had a visual reference - it helped me pair things together that were close by so I could plan my days better.
- Also, do the walking tour on your first day. They are usually free (the tour guides live on tips) and they are the most useful introduction to a city - not to mention hugely interesting.

11. Commute smart
If you’re wondering if you should walk or get a metro, walk. If you’re wondering whether you should get the metro or a bus, bus. The metro is fast, but you see nothing. 

12. Dress smart
- If you’re spending the day exploring, wear one less thing than you think you need to. It’s awful being hot and sweaty, but easy to speed up if you’re feeling a little nippy. Plus, your thighs will thank you when they can crush steel between your rippling muscles!
- Runners are pretty much always the best option - you’ll double your productivity with them on. 

13. Mini-pack smart
Your daypack should contain:
- headphones
- a book
- a city map (to ask the locals to circle their favourite places on!)
- a knife and fork (plastic, for impromptu lunches in the park or by the water)
- a water bottle. Water is your best friend between all that exercise you didn’t realize you were doing (win!), the salty restaurant meals you’re eating (yum) and the drinking (inevitable). Drink it in litres - otherwise you’ll be perpetually dehydrated and wondering why you feel so tired. 

14. Wash, dry and iron smart
It’s inevitable you’ll have to wash atleast once a week. Face it, pretty boy. Mama aint here to help you now. 
- Every night, wash the underwear you wore that day in the shower. It takes five seconds, stops them from stinking up the place (we all know undies get the most dirty) and fresh undies are one of life’s little pleasures!
- You can iron out major creases by wetting a towel and wiping the clothing while it’s on you (it’ll dry), or bringing the item on a coat hanger into the shower area (the steam makes the creases drop out) 
- Splurge occasionally and get laundry done. Most hostels do it for less than $10, and having fresh clean dry clothing one of those amazing little things that lifts your spirits when you’re out of your comfort zone. 

15. Socialise smart
Talk to people! Everyone is the best version of themselves when they are travelling. Strike up conversations with people you would never usually speak to, especially those travelling alone as well. Ask them their story, compare itineraries, go on adventures together and who knows? You might just make a friend for life. 

So here is a tiny thing I noticed in UTRH a little while ago that I was just reminded of

Do you all remember that scene in Under the Red Hood where Jason steals the helicopter?

You know, this helicopter with a shipment for Black Mask lands among a bunch of guys there to meet them…

And then the lead guy gets into the helicopter and the following exchange happens-

Helicopter Pilot: Hey, protocol says I’m only supposed to be on the ground for six minutes!

Lead Guy: *pulls back hood to reveal he is in fact the Red Hood*

Jason: It’s okay, I won’t be staying that long!

Anyway, Jason being a dramatic and entertaining little shit here is a great scene, but I was always so distracted by it that I never really paid attention to the guys he had in the background. I’d just quietly assumed they were actually Jason’s men or mannequins or something.

Except then they sort of… get the pilots thrown into them and don’t do anything? So I took a closer look and-

See how those sleeves are hanging empty with the guns hung over the shoulders?

That’s because these guys are tied up

And now I just can’t stop laughing at this? Like. These guys are conscious and everything, you can see them moving. Heck, if you look back at the opening to this scene again, you can even see the sleeves hanging suspiciously empty-

So Jason fucking jumped all of the guys who were supposed to meet Black Mask’s arms shipment, tied them up and probably gagged them under the mask, presumably threatened them into cooperating, hung jackets and guns over them, and then just stood them up as props for the scene

Never let it be said that Jason Todd does not fucking commit to his theatrics.

(Bonus points:

Thank you animators for this handily labeled crate so we know that this is in fact supposed to be a shipment of guns.)