I haven’t told a lot of people in person, but it feels damn good to put it out somewhere.
So I’m currently in a rideshare car home. I had to cancel plans (see: homework project collaboration, meetings, a coffee date on Saturday with Potential Boy On the Horizon). I’m scared. I’m tired. It’s been a long day, and I’m drained. I had a long talk about student mental health to an associate dean this morning (see: student senator in my University) and we’re in the works of uprooting a long-dead system in favour of a new one. I lead a sectional where it was clear why I should be singing in a different choir. I’m scared for my mom, what this seizure means, and whats going to happen going forward.
And selfishly: I didn’t want to cancel coffee with him. I don’t know if it was going to be date. (everyone who knew about it told me it was, but I am a Paranoid Boy.) I know I should be thinking about my mom – and I am. I wouldn’t be in this car otherwise. But I feel so damn guilty thinking about cancelling our (date? Hang out? Coffee?) thing with him.