i had this one for awhile

anonymous asked:

So apparently I've been doing something wrong for awhile but no one would tell me? Manager switched my shift with someone else's that was outside of my availability, without asking or telling me. On said shift I got a write up for something no one told me to fix? W/e, I refused to sign it since half of the shit on there didn't happen and the person who did it, Idk if she's even an Assistant Manger or had the authority to do so?

I don’t trust tumblr with tags so I’m gonna submit, my connection is very slow so it’ll take awhile I think

anyway! I tried!! The only one that I actually like is Brooke tbh but I had fun anyway

hope that you like it!!!


THESE ARE SO GOOD! OMG PLEASE CONTINUE TO DRAW?! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Your concept of different bodies is so good, I love these so much and the colors and WOW

Queen for Seven Days | Seven Day Queen | 7일의 왕비

Why is There So Much Sympathy for the King and Not the Prince?

[Includes spoilers through end of Ep 8]


At first I saw a few random comments under some YouTube clips from viewers who said they secretly wanted to see the King end up with Chae Kyung and not the Prince. There was a general apology that went something like, “I’m sorry…I can’t help it.” 

But pretty soon this grew into a fairly large wave of general feeling of people having more sympathy for the King than Yeok. This really had me perplexed for awhile because I see the King as emotionally unstable, insecure, drunk with power, a tyrant over his people and fairly crazy while Yeok is the rational one of stable character, intense inner strength and a romantic heart. Oh, did I mention that Yung tried to have Yeok killed? How could anyone have sympathy for Yung?

What the heck is going on? Why do so many viewers not see what I see?

Wae? Wae?! WAE??!

Well, I figured it out. It’s simple really. Indeed we have seen Yung as being so intensely jealous of his father’s love and preference for his younger brother. So jealous that it drives him to madness, strange behavior, and he even tries to have his brother killed. But we have also seen a lot of Yung’s viewpoint of his relationships with his family up until this point. We’ve seen him adore and love his brother as a child, we’ve seen the pain he had to endure at the loss of his mother and not being able to honor her death, a pain that he is reminded of daily simply by the presence of Yeok’s mother as the Queen Dowager. When the Queen Dowager begs Yung not to kill Yeok, Yung realizes how she truly feels about him. He feels betrayed and his love for her has been for nothing.

We are also shown Yung’s softer side with Chae Kyung. He is kind, playful and loving with her. He takes care of her in times of need and she has been there for him as well. She made a special ceremony for him to honor and pray for his mother. We see a lot of Yung’s pain and his kind side that no one else but Chae Kyung sees. 

No wonder so many feel sympathy for him. We are shown so many events of his past and so many sides of him. We can relate to him.

But what about Yeok? Remember when he first came on the scene as an adult? Heroic, strong, brave, dashing, determined!  Didn’t we expect him to continue in that role? But he didn’t, did he?

Instead we soon find him chilling at the pawn shop, thinking and planning but not acting terribly heroic. He isn’t really doing much of anything but hiding out.

Worse yet, how do we see him with Chae Kyung? Rude and unkind, for the most part. He first encounters her accidentally and is shaken to hear his older brother refer to her as his “wife.” In that moment, for him, all bets are off. All the pain he endured to come back to Chae Kyung was for nothing in his mind because she did not keep her promise. She betrayed him with his own brother! This is what he is thinking. He has no reason to think otherwise. He’s bitter and jealous and can’t seem to let it go. Each time he sees Chae Kyung, he’s flat out rotten to her.

And yet, when danger looms, Yeok always takes her hand and makes an effort to protect her. But the moment they are alone, despite her kindness to him, he can’t help but attack her with harsh words. It’s not until she’s arrested and in true danger for her life, that he he shows how desperately he loves her. But rather than have an immediate plan like most heroes we’ve seen, he’s impulsive, unwise, unsuccessful. What kind of hero is this?

So far he is pretty hard to like. Well, not for me. But I can see why people don’t have a lot of sympathy for him. He’s been a real jerk for the most part.

But nevertheless, deep down inside, a hero Yeok is indeed. Not all heroes are meant to charge in, battle the baddies and save the maiden all in one shot. Yeok is a thinking hero. Once he settles down and accepts his true nature, he hatches a plan to save his beloved that works like a charm.

For drama viewers, though, it’s going to take some time just to warm back up to him. 

Yeok is not the hero we expected or are used to in a drama. In the story so far they have shown very little of his pain or his kind nature like they have with the King. This is the simple reason why viewers are finding it hard to have sympathy for Yeok.

* BUT! *   I sense we are on the verge of having our hearts touched by Yeok again. Why?

In Eps 8 we started to see a change. Not only did we see Yeok live up to his heroic potential, we saw him being sweet and kind to Chae Kyung for the first time since childhood. We saw him choking back his tears at her bedside. His sacrifice of giving back her ring even though it broke his heart. Why did he do that? So she would no longer feel committed to him. He was releasing her from any obligation to him. We saw him being utterly selfless in that moment. We also saw him restraining his feelings and jealousy in letting Yung be the visible hero and carry her off from her suffering on the cross. 

We always knew he loved her, despite his rudeness. But now we actually see him expressing it.

This is the side of Yeok we’ve been wanting to see. And I think it’s going to grow from here on. I think the more we see him showing his love for her, the more people will be on his side. I hope, in turn, we are allowed to see more of his struggle as well, his suffering and how the thought of Chae Kyung was the only thing that gave him the will to live in those difficult years. If we see more of this, we will be able to feel empathy for him. I already do. I see all this in him without having to “see” it on the screen. But most people really need to see these things with their eyes in order to feel for a character.

Yeok’s heroic grand entrance at the end of Ep 8 was the very thing we’d been longing for!  I truly did not see it coming, which made it all the more exciting. A loud, strong voice, the thunder of drums, and shazam!  He is here! He walks right up to his brother and confidently announces who he was. No more hiding, no more secrecy. Even the King is taken aback at this brashness.

At long last arrives our hero! 

All 6ft of him. 100% badass.

Predictions …

I believe it is only the beginning. It feels like a pivoting point for the story. I think we will now see more of an unfolding of Lee Yeok. I truly believe that we will see happy, playful, loving times between Yeok and Chae Kyung. They may be short lived, but I believe we will finally get to enjoy their love.

I think we will see an arc of Yeok’s character change and when we do, viewers will come back around to his side. I feel this from the writing and directing style. I sense a gradual path that this story is progressing along. I also feel this in my gut as a fan and follower of Yeon Woo Jin. One thing I’ve noticed in the roles that he’s played, he always chooses a character who is misunderstood early on and later revealed to be exactly who you hoped he’d be and, in fact, always was. I have faith that it will be that same in this case.

A little survey...

OK, so for awhile now, the BIGGER i’m getting, the beastlier I’m becoming I just want to get a piercing, a particular one at that! I’ve never had any body mod stuff done, but those hoop nose piercings you know? The septum piercing? I’ve wanted that MORE and MORE! 

I’ve had coworkers/friends say “Oh god don’t get that, you’ll look even more like an animal/bull than you do!” (really though that doesn’t dissuade me..if anything commenting it’s gonna make me look like a wild fucking beast is just getting me MORE into the idea!)

I’m just hesitating because I really really hate like..runny noses and nose stuff like that, and those same people are swearing it’ll like triple my sinus infection rate etc..I dunno. So this isn’t a binding survey by any means, but what do you guys say? 

Big thick gauge metal bull hope piercing, Yay or Nay?

A Little D for a Big A-hole.

When I was in eighth grade, my middle school French class took a trip to Québec City. My school was in the whitest part of whitest Connecticut and I had moved there a few years before from Atlanta. You can imagine the Izod-style culture shock I went through.

In any case, we were up in Québec City in February, for some awful reason. Probably because the prices were cheapest for hotels, I don’t know. I do remember it was cold and windy and snowed a lot.

I was a pretty geeky kid, unsurprisingly. I read Star Wars expanded universe novels during the morning reading period. I had disappeared into fantasy worlds after my brother died a few years before, just months after we moved to New England. Since my brother had died and I was a new kid, no one really knew how to be my friend. Some people were nice to me for awhile, but most ignored my existence.

One of the few people who took pity on me was the daughter of my church’s minister, who was in the same year as me. She’d invite me to eat lunch with her and her friends, even though I could tell her friends did not want me there.

Despite growing up speaking French, I was placed in introductory French – and never moved, because there was so much going on with my brother’s accident and eventual death that no one really bothered with my education. Thankfully, my French teacher was kind and would let me help lead the spoken French bits in class. This one boy liked to hang out after class and would mock me after I left, pinching his nose and doing his best “make fun of the French” accent. He liked to make my life hell in other ways, like stealing homework, tearing pages out of schoolbooks, or shoving my shoulder whenever he “bumped” me in the hallway. I had dealt with worse bullying before, so I mostly just tried to ignore him. His was never very serious, but it was constant.

In any case, I asked these girls I ate lunch with if I could room with them on this trip. I did not want to be randomly assigned somewhere. They grudgingly agreed to it.

Once we got to Québec, things changed. Our teachers told us we were allowed to explore the city in small groups and we were to use French only when interacting with shopkeepers and the like. Well, the girls I was rooming with quickly realized I was the only student in our class who actually spoke French. I helped my roommates order things at bakeries and make change and navigate around the city. Word quickly spread and by the end of the first day, several classmates came to me for phrases they could use.

On the second day of this trip, we were all supposed to meet up in this square in the old city at a particular time after being allowed to wander for a few hours. My group turned up a few minutes early and a group of boys – with my favorite harasser – was already there. The boys were clearly planning some kind of prank; there was a lot of stifled laughing and looking our way. The harasser came over to our group. He asked me how to say, “Are you my mother?”

Well, for those who don’t know:

“Es-tu ma mère?” means “Are you my mother?”

“Es-tu ma merde?” means “Are you my shit?”

Can you guess which one I told him? He had never paid attention in class, so to his ears (and the ears of our classmates), it sounded right. And no one would ever suspect quiet, mousy, geeky me of any shenanigans.

He went up to a stranger and asked her if she was his shit just as one of our teachers came around the corner. He got hauled by his ears, the teacher apologizing profusely to the woman while simultaneously scolding my harasser. Kid immediately tried to blame it on me but his protestations were immediately dismissed. The teacher did check with everyone, but no one had heard the difference in the language used so backed up my version of events.

He had detention for the rest of the trip and was not allowed to participate in any of the activities. He had to sit on the bus and write an essay.

He was far more cautious about being an a**hole to me in the future.

Sharing Is Caring

Originally posted by knightlley


Pairing: Jeff Atkins x Reader

Request: “Hey! Can you write a JeffxReader? Where the reader is Clay sister (and have a secret crush on Jeff), someday she was going to sleep in Hanna’s house, but for some reason she didn’t stay to sleep and when she go home she find Jeff slepping in her bed. You can choose how it ends. Thank you! :D”

Words: 1.247

A/N: I am happy that I received a Jeff imagine! Although I didn’t want to leave Hannah alone, because I can imagine the reader being on the tapes after because of it. Yup, I am a little bit paranoid. Sorry. Anyways, I hope you like it and I would be grateful if you send other requests!
Thank you.

- G. x

Link: Part 2

Warning: (Y/H/C) is Your Hair Colour.


“Oh my God, you seriously like Jeff Atkins?” Hannah exclaimed excitedly and energetically as she knew the secret you’ve been keeping for years.

“Who wouldn’t like him?” You stated as if it was normal to like Jeff. Well, he was good looking, kind and funny. He had the characteristics you were looking for a boy and you knew that he was the one when you met him.

“Aw, I hope he likes you back.” Hannah honestly said as she played with your (Y/H/C) hair while you both sat on her comfortable double bed. You decided to have a sleepover because it has been awhile since you last spent time together. She was one of your close friends and you loved her presence.

“Well, he’s older than me and I am out of his league.” You shrugged your shoulders as you felt a little bit down for what you’ve just said.

“Oh, cut it off! You are beautiful, intelligent and sweet, it is impossible to not fall in love with you.” Hannah comforted you as she praised you with her sincere words.

“Aw, Hannah.” You looked at her with a wide smile and you hugged her. “Thank you.”

“It was the truth.” She hugged you back as a nice friend she was.

“Talking of these boys,” You started as you broke the hug and she hid her face behind her hands as she already knew the next question. “how are you and my older brother, Clay?” You flashed a smirk and you saw her cheeks turned red.

“Oh my God, I knew it.” She laughed, still having her face hidden. “We’re friends, (Y/N). We work at the movie theatre and we talk at school, that’s it.”

“Jesus, Clay never asked you out?” You shook your head for your disappointment because you rooted for them being together. You considered Clay and Hannah as a perfect couple.

“He’s shy.” Hannah shortly answered.

“But it’s not an excuse! I would slap that dork silly, seriously.” You unleashed a long and deep sigh because Hannah seemed disappointed too and her being dismayed was one of the things you wouldn’t want to see. “I’ll talk to him, because I know that he likes you too, a lot!”

“Geez, really?” Hannah smiled widely and you nodded happily as her happiness came back once again.

“You can count on that!” You winked at her and she bit her lower lip. You stared at each other and you both let out some soft giggles for no reason, but it was interrupted as you heard some noise coming from the living room.

There was a discussion happening between Hannah’s parents and you could tell that she felt embarrassed for it. She hated it when they fought and having a friend hearing their complaints wasn’t one of the things that she wanted to happen.

“Are you okay, Hannah?” You worriedly asked and she just shook it off, obviously avoiding herself to ask you some help.

“(Y/N), do you mind if we cancel this sleepover?” She fidgeted with her warm blankets as she was nervous for your possible reaction.

“Oh no, it’s fine for me if you don’t feel comfortable. I mean, I would stay to cheer you up, but I will give you space if you want.” You sympathetically said as you understood her situation.

“I am fine, really.” She assured you. “I will call you if I ever need some help. Thank you.”

“Don’t bother to call me, okay?” You reminded her once again as you got up from her bed. You gathered your things and you put them in your backpack.

“Noted.” She smiled widely at you, not minding her parents anymore. She got up too and you both went outside her room as she led you to the house’s front door. Her parents stopped throwing shit at each other as they saw you going away and you could say that they felt guilty because of it.

“Good night, Hannah.” You sweetly greeted. “Call me or text me, okay? I am always here.”

“I know and I thank you for that.” She hugged you and you responded to it by hugging her back. “Good night.” She then let you go.

“Good night, see you tomorrow.” You said as you unlocked your bike’s chains. You then rode it as you said goodbye to Hannah once again. She watched you as you started to pedal way back home.

During your journey, you thought of Hannah’s family situation and you knew that it wasn’t your business but you wanted to help her. You wanted to help her, because you didn’t want for it to be one of the reasons she would feel sad or disappointed. Her life was already hard and you didn’t want for her to carry another problem on her back.

Once you arrived home, you silently went to your room, not wanting to wake anybody up. You plopped your things on your desk and you let yourself fall on the bed carelessly.

“What the fuck, Clay?!” You heard a deep voice complaining and you were shocked, mostly scared, for a moment. You were afraid to move, but you quickly searched for the lamp that rested on your bedside table and you turned the lights on. “Oh, it’s you (Y/N)!”

“What the hell are you doing in my room, Jeff?” You corrugated your forehead as you wondered why. You liked Jeff, but you knew that you had the right to be furious after what happened.

“Clay said that you were staying at Hannah’s!” Jeff sat up as he covered his shirtless body. “Boys can have sleepover too, duh!”

“Jeez!” You laughed even though you were annoyed. “I am sleeping on the couch downstairs then.”

“No, I am sleeping there. This is your bed and it’s not okay to let a woman sleep uncomfortably.” He ranted as he searched for his shirt and wore it soon after.

“It’s okay, Jeff. Stay here.” You flashed him a smile and you got up from your bed, ready to go out of the room.

“No!” Jeff protested. “We can share! It’s a double bed and I can sleep on one side and you on the other.”

“Hmm?” You raised an eyebrow as you considered his proposal.

“Only if it’s okay with you. If not, I am sleeping on the couch.” He smiled as he scratched his nape.

“Alright, I’ll share my bed with you.” You went back on the bed and you sat on your space. “Only because I don’t want for you to be uncomfortable, okay?”

“Alright, (Y/N).” You could bet that you saw him smirking before you turned the lights off.

“No malice, Jeff!” You slapped his muscular arm and he just let out a laugh. Oh, how much you loved that laughter. “Thank my parents because they taught us that sharing is caring.”

“I’m thanking Lainie and Matt tomorrow, don’t worry.” He jokingly answered and you just giggled because of it. “Good night, (Y/N).”

“Good night, Jeff.” You smiled while you had your eyes closed. You couldn’t believe it, so you had a hard time drifting in your sleep, same for Jeff.

You were happy that you had a chance to share the bed with your ultimate crush and both knew that you would wake up hugging each other, but who cares? You both liked each other, you just had no guts to admit it and this is a great coincidence to show the affection to each other.


One of four bunnies I found the other day while looking for snakes and lizards. They were so tiny, I’m guessing a week and a half old? I actually thought the first one I found was dead until I poked it with my hook, then I found the other three, snapped a few pictures when a couple walked up to me and asked what I was taking photos of. So I showed them the bunnies.

They were worried that they had been abandoned but I told them it was common for a momma to leave them for awhile each day and that she will likely return to them once we leave. They wanted to touch them but I told them not to, they said ‘oh, because if the mom smells them on us she’ll abandon them?’ I told them that was a wives tale to keep kids from bringing animals home, but the reason they didn’t want to touch them is because they carry diseases like hantavirus and Tularemia. At that piece of advice they immediately backed away, thanked me for the information, and wandered off.

Hi!!!!♡ i apologize once again for being gone for awhile – i just got out of the hospital yesterday as i had to have surgery but i do have one piece of art i can post now! tried colouring in a different style - i hope you like it! ♡

Paranoia | M

“Does it look like I want to be stuck with you for the rest of my life?”

Précis; Because waking up beside the one you have always despised isn’t something that you thought would ever actually happen.

Note: Since this post was eaten awhile back, I had to rewrite it..good thing my memory is A1 lol. *whispers* this is hella revamped so if you read it before..it’s 85% different | Words ➳ 11k

Genre & Warnings: Fluff, humor and minor angst. O h, & light smut. ((: {ft. Jungkook} | enemies to lovers au

➳ paranoia ; suspicion and mistrust of people or their actions without evidence and justification.


It was the tinkling of ice that rummaged within your glass of liquor that you debated whether to drink the contents and regret it the day after or to deny the free offer the bartender had given you; to try their new bottle they had promptly started to sell within the specific bar. Your eyes narrowed towards the softly fizzing contents inside your glass, scrutinizing the bubbles as they dispersed after floating about the liquid for more than a few seconds — having wasted their purpose as they popped small amounts of gas within the air. You were so entranced, giving yourself thousands of reasons why drinking at that moment shouldn’t even be debatable to notice the bartender laugh under his breath.

“It’s not going to kill you, you know.” He said, shaking a blender cup before he started to pour someone else a glass of alcohol.

You pursed your lips, glancing to your phone hoping you would receive a text back but to your dismay, you had received nothing. “It may not kill me,” you started while you softly flicked the glass with your finger as the crushed ice began to dance with one another, “but it will ruin my life.”

He hummed, resting his elbow on the counter and towards your sober state of mind, sliding the cup a little closer to you. “But it may also give you something to live for.”

Keep reading

BTS Reaction | Drunk Sex

Request:  Um…hi… I was wondering if you could do a BTS reaction, where they got drunk and you had sex… I would like to see their reaction the next morning. I hope whatever I said makes sense… I love your blog btw. ❤

A/N: Thank you for the request (sorry it took a while)

Keep reading

I Got You On My Mind [Part 5]

Jungkook Soulmate AU (Angst)

[Part One] | Previous Part | Part Five | Next Part

Summary: You and Jungkook plan another date after exchanging numbers. Since you’re under house arrest, Jungkook decides to spend the evening at your place. And things seem to go perfectly–until they don’t. 

Word count: 2.1k words

Originally posted by jungxook

After you hobbled home from the music building, your body was exhausted. But you were still thrumming with excitement, clutching your cell phone tightly in your hand. You had finally gotten Jungkook’s phone number, and he finally had yours.

With great difficulty, you managed to pry off your shoe and make it to your bedroom. After carefully setting your crutches aside, you fell back onto your bed. Holding your phone above your face, you couldn’t help the huge smile that spread across your lips.

You opened your contacts, pulling up Jungkook’s profile. He had snapped a silly selfie when he put his number into your phone, and you stared dazedly at your soulmate’s photograph, feeling more fond than you thought was appropriate.

Hesitantly, you composed a new text message. You began to type a quick greeting, but it seemed too formal, so you erased it. “Hey soulmate,” you tried, then immediately cringed. Backspacing quickly, you stared at the blank text. Maybe it would be best to wait for Jungkook to text first.

Letting your arm–and your phone–fall to the bed, you stared up at the plain ceiling and tried to remember Jungkook before the car accident. After racking your brain relentlessly, you were left with a headache and no answers.

That only made you more curious–what was your first encounter with Jungkook really like? He seemed to like you enough now, so surely it must’ve gone well.

With thoughts of Jungkook on your mind, you slowly drifted to sleep, the world around you fading to black.


You woke with a start, your eyes shooting open. Beside your ear, your phone was vibrating loudly. Exhaling shakily, you placed your hand over your racing heart. Eventually, you picked up your phone from beside you, checking the lock screen for notifications.

When you saw what had set off the alert, you nearly dropped your phone.

Jungkook had texted you. Excitedly, you unlocked your phone and opened your messaging app.

RECEIVED 1:43 PM
Hey Y/N 💩

You laughed at Jungkook’s poop emoji and quickly composed a response.

SENT 1:44 PM
Hey 🍪

RECEIVED 1:45 PM
What’s with the cookie?

SENT 1:45 PM
It’s u

SENT 1:45 PM
Kookie

You blushed, wondering if the nickname was a bit too much. Suddenly, your phone buzzed, but this time, it was a text from Jieun. Confused, you opened the new chat.

RECEIVED 1:47 PM
Are u talking to Jungkook? He’s sitting a row in front of me. He’s staring @ his phone and MAD blushing

Laughing, you felt your embarrassment fade away. You quickly replied to Jieun with an affirmative and closed the chat. Returning to your conversation with Jungkook, you saw that he had already responded.

RECEIVED 1:47 PM
…cute

RECEIVED 1:48 PM
So I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime. Haven’t seen you in while

SENT 1:49 PM
Like a date? Or are we aiming for platonic soulmates?

Another alert from Jieun appeared on your screen, and you cackled as you went to check her update on Jungkook.

RECEIVED 1:50 PM
WHAT DID U DO?!?! HE’S COMPLETELY RED

RECEIVED 1:50 PM
ARE U SEXTING

SENT 1:50 PM
Jieun wtf

You squirmed around on your bed, feeling happier than you had since you left the hospital. The smile on your face seemed permanent, and you grabbed your pillow and squealed into it. Still, it was kind of depressing that texting your two friends could make you so excited.

Grabbing your phone again, you checked to see if Jungkook had summoned enough courage to respond. He had.

RECEIVED 1:52 PM
Yes, like a date.


SENT 2:01 PM
JIEUN!!!! JUNGKOOK IS COMING OVER FOR A DATE TONIGHT!! PLS HELP ME CLEAN THE APARTMENT AND MYSELF


When Jieun had come home, she frantically shoved the mess in the living room into her own bedroom while you limped around the house, dusting things. It was the most you had ever cleaned since you had moved in together, which was saying a lot.

Then, she had helped you into the shower, making sure you stayed upright as you bathed yourself. Your friendship with Jieun was a true one–both of you had long graduated any feelings of embarrassment around each other.

By the time everything was said and done, it was almost time for Jungkook to arrive. Jieun helped you onto the couch, setting your crutches against the wall beside you.

“I’m going to go to Lisa’s place for awhile,” Jieun said as she flopped onto the couch beside you. “Just call me when you’re ready for me to come home.”

“You don’t have to leave, you know,” you frowned, turning to look at your friend. Jieun just rolled her eyes at you. “I’m serious! I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, but I’m sure Jungkook would,” Jieun snorted. “I’ll let you soulmates do your thing. Just…be careful, okay? Don’t jump headfirst into something you’re not ready for.”

“I’m not going to sleep with him,” you replied, a little incredulously. Jieun winced at that. “We’re just going to watch a movie and talk, I guess.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Jieun said, standing up. She walked over to the foyer and grabbed a jacket from the closet. “Don’t let yourself get swept away by the emotions of the moment.”

“Wow, you’re pretty insightful today,” you commented, trying to lighten the mood. “You should write this shit down.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Jieun laughed. She slipped into her coat. “I’m going to head out now. Call me later, okay?”

On cue, there was a knock at the door. Jieun shot you a serious look before she turned to open the door, but you couldn’t read it. Then, she swung the door open, revealing a slightly nervous Jungkook, still dressed in all black.

Jungkook glanced down at Jieun, who said something quietly to him. From where you were sitting, you couldn’t hear, but you just hoped Jieun wasn’t threatening him. Jungkook frowned and said something back, and then the two brushed passed each other.

Jieun left, shutting the door behind her quietly. When you turned your gaze back to Jungkook, he was smiling lopsidedly at you.

“Hey Y/N,” he said, holding up a plastic bag in his hand. “I brought some Chinese. Hope that’s okay.”

“If I had any doubts that we were soulmates before, I’m completely certain now,” you replied, eyeing the bag hungrily as the scent of Chinese food wafted around the apartment. “You know the way to a girl’s heart.”

“Didn’t think it would be that easy,” Jungkook laughed, stepping out of his shoes and making his way towards you. He set the food onto the coffee table in front of the couch and sat down beside you. “So, what’s the plan?”

“Eating,” you replied immediately, still staring at the takeout. Jungkook laughed again, and when you glanced at him, his eyes were crinkled into crescents. If your heart clenched at that, no one needed to know.

“There was a really good movie I watched recently,” Jungkook said, unpacking the food that he had brought. He popped open the lids, revealing black bean noodles, sweet and sour chicken, and broccoli and beef. You could feel your mouth watering.

“I’m down for anything,” you replied, picking up your laptop from the coffee table. You turned on the screen and opened up your browser. “What’s it called?”

“The Girl Who Leapt Through Time,” Jungkook replied, breaking apart a pair of chopsticks. “Classic.”

“Seriously?” you asked, turning to gawk at him. “Are you a closet weab? How come you never told me before?”

“It’s embarrassing,” Jungkook said, blushing slightly. “I mean…do I look like I watch anime?”

“That’s true,” you agreed, reaching to grab your own set of chopsticks. You split them easily, resisting the urge to rub them together because you had heard it was a rude gesture. “Still, who am I to judge?”

“So you’ve seen the movie already,” Jungkook surmised, popping a piece of beef into his mouth. “I have a billion other suggestions.”

“I haven’t watched Your Name yet,” you commented, fishing out a piece of broccoli. “I heard it was really good.”

“Yeah, I loved it!” Jungkook exclaimed through a mouthful of noodles. “I’ll watch it again, I don’t care.”

And so you pulled up the movie on your laptop, streaming it to the TV in front of you. You and Jungkook ate quickly as the movie played before you. Paying more attention to the food, you startled when Jungkook began quietly singing the opening song along with the movie.

Discreetly, you glanced at Jungkook as he sang. His voice was beautiful, to say the least. He sang effortlessly and melodiously, his clear voice floating around the room. Eventually, the opening ended, and he nonchalantly returned to eating.

“Your voice is beautiful,” you remarked softly, still awed by Jungkook’s performance. He turned to you, his cheeks full of food, and blushed slightly.

“Oh, thank you,” he managed, voice muffled by his full mouth. He chewed with some difficulty, and once he swallowed, he spoke again. “Well, I am a music major.”

“Still,” you sighed reverently. “Some people are just born with nice voices. Damn, I could listen to you sing all day.”

Jungkook’s cheeks darkened, and he coughed awkwardly and turned back to face the movie. “I wouldn’t mind singing for you again,” he said quietly after a few moments. “You know, if you want.”

“Yeah, I’d love that,” you replied honestly. You and Jungkook turned your attention back to the movie with small smiles.


After the movie ended, you and Jungkook just talked for a few hours. You reminisced about the old memories you shared together, and you learned a few new things about each other, too. Like Jungkook was a good artist, and you could play more instruments than he could.

Eventually, you and Jungkook both realized it was time for you to part. It was getting late, but neither of you wanted to say goodbye.

“I should really go now,” Jungkook said again, although he made no attempt to move. “Like, I really should.”

“No one’s stopping you,” you replied, quirking an eyebrow. Jungkook pouted at you–a habit of his you weren’t sure if you’d ever get used to, since it seemed so out of character.

“Rude,” Jungkook said, actually standing up this time. He extended his arms and helped you to your feet, reaching around you to pass you your crutches. “But I guess I do need to leave. Jieun’s waiting to come back, isn’t she?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed. “I’ll walk you to the door, since that’s as far as I’m allowed to go.”

You and Jungkook made your way to the foyer, and he began to put on his shoes. The sight evoked a strange sense of deja vu, but you shrugged it away.

“Tonight was really fun,” you said, and Jungkook smiled up at you from where he was kneeling. Once ha had finished tying his Timberlands, he stood back up.

“I thought so, too,” Jungkook agreed. “I wouldn’t mind doing something like this again.”

“Maybe we could actually go out somewhere if my house arrest is lifted,” you laughed.

“I’m fine anywhere, as long as I’m with you,” Jungkook said shyly. And it was so cheesy, but you couldn’t help but blush. When your eyes met Jungkook’s, his were serious. “Is it okay if I kiss you?”

“Y-yeah,” you stammered, shocked at Jungkook’s request.

His hands came up to gently cup your face, and he stared intently down at you. Slowly, he moved forward, and your eyes fluttered shut. His soft lips pressed gently against yours, where he lingered for a moment. Then, Jungkook pulled away. When you opened your eyes, Jungkook was grinning at you.

“I’ll see you later,” Jungkook said softly, turning towards the door.

“Bye,” you said, your voice nearing a whisper. But Jungkook heard, and turned back to smile at you one last time. Then, he turned the doorknob and slipped out of the apartment, closing the door shut firmly behind him. Again, you were struck by a strong feeling of deja vu.

Then you realized–it was because you had seen this all before.

Jungkook in your apartment, standing in the foyer, putting his shoes on. Jungkook looking at you, a very different expression on his face. Jungkook, your soulmate, turning away from you and slamming the door as he left, his cruel parting words echoing loudly in your mind.

You remembered.

And suddenly, for the first time in weeks, you heard the whispers of Jungkook’s thoughts in the back of your mind. Quieter than before, but present nonetheless. Focusing, you were able to make out your soulmate’s voice.

“Fuck. I really, really, really like her.”

Tears began to pool in your eyes. You weren’t sure what to believe.

- Girl in Luv

Writing about Chinese food made me so hungry. But I can’t even eat anything good because I’m on a damn diet. ANyway, hope you enjoyed this instalment of the series! Sorry it took so long to write. Also this is unedited, so I’ll go back and make any corrections later. I’m going to try to wrap this story up in the next few parts. Let me know if you liked it! Thanks always for the support, and happy reading 💛

RTX 2017 Advice/Tips!

I did one of these lil things last year so I wanted to throw another out with more fun information that I found to be helpful. It’s going to be my third year going now and I feel like every year I learn some stuff that I wanna share!

-Please respect all guardians! All the guardians are here to help you and your safety at the con!! If you have questions about something like finding panel rooms, where the bathrooms are, etc. feel free to ask because they are there to assist. Also if you are being harassed by anyone please tell the guardians because they want to make sure all attendees are having a safe time. Listen to them too!!! They know what’s up.

-Water is so important during this summer time convention!! The outside of Austin is sadly not air conditioned so it is important to carry around water with you! You can buy water at hotel stores, food shops, the convention, there’s even water fountains you can refill your water bottles at! If you got plastic bottle or you are carrying some type of water carrying thingy all is helpful. Stay hydrated please! It makes walking around less miserable too.

-There’s so many amazing places to eat (sometimes I get overwhelmed thinking about it….I wanna eat at them all….) all around the area. There’s food booths in the convention center though just to let you know they are pricey! So I recommend looking up food places around the con center to maybe try out new places. Austin has so much food to offer I feel like there’s something for everyone, pizza, barbecue, burritos, hamburgers, and loads more.  There’s also a grocery store called Royal Blue Grocery that’s about a 10 minute walk from the con center. 

-So this one kind of bleeds into the one above though I think it’s a good idea to know the layout of downtown Austin. It’s not super big and not easy to get lost in, though it’s important to know how to get to places when going anywhere and getting lost sucks. Try going on Google Maps and seeing from where your hotel/airbnb/etc to get to the convention center or see what restaurants are around! That being said if it’s your 1st time in Austin or your 500th time, please walk around with at least one buddy! This is for safety reasons for anywhere you go because if something happens you will at least have one friend to be there and help. 

-Signings are a ~hot topic~ of RTX with ticket codes and such.Though I think a lot of people forget you will see people on the floor on the convention and if you ask if they are free for an autograph/photo they will most likely say yes (unless they are busy you know schedules) they are happy to meet you! Sometimes you run into people multiple times like the time I ran into Matt Bragg like 5 times in the same hour. With that being said, I recommend carrying around a Sharpie because they might not have one! 

-Something I learned about last year that saved my butt: PORTABLE CHARGER. I had no idea how magical those are and bought one after the convention. Invest in one, I got mine at Walgreens and it’s an iHome for like $15 and it works crazy good! Those things are the best. 

-This is random one though the streets/sidewalks of Austin have like holes in them like big potholes.I and friends had tripped on them before. Just make sure you look down once in awhile before walking to avoid tripping over one. Don’t want any injuries. 

-It’s a great idea to talk to people at the convention! You will be waiting in lines for panels, autograph stuff, etc. and you will be standing there with someone, who has something in common with you: Rooster Teeth! Talk to people in lines because honestly one of the most important part is the community and you are with people from all over the country and sometimes even from other countries! Talk to people in line while you wait for stuff you never know what friends you will make along the way. 

-Deodorant makes you smell good! 

-I know in the years past the con center has a stage with chairs and standing area (within the tape they lay out) where you can watch some of RT let’s players play video games. On the schedule they will have what time, who is playing, and what they are playing.

-When the RTX app comes out, I recommend downloading that because that has schedule info and panel info too. Also make sure to plan out what panels you really want to go to and if it’s a big one (Achievement Hunter, RWBY, On The Spot, etc.) you might want to be in the area for that panel about a hour or two earlier than it says.The rooms are so enormous though you might wanna make sure if you reaaally want to attend that panel. Also important to listen to the guardians where and how they want you to line up!!!! Also of course if any panel changes they have will be the app!

-There are places to sit in the convention center up against the walls in the back for the sides there will be little open areas to sit on the floor. I know in the past 2 years the Funhaus booth has had little cube seats and charging station which are both a plus and helpful. It’s like super bright orange you can’t miss it!

I wanna say that’s all I have for tips and advice!! If you have any questions message or ask me! Have fun at RTX and I hope to see you there!

Harry Styles - “Confessions” Part Five

This is the conclusion to the series! I hope you all have enjoyed it and that this lives up to your expectations. Thanks for all of the love and support I have received for this imagine. Means the world to me.


Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Six


“How long does it take to get the results of this test?” You wonder out loud to Harry later that evening. The two of you were headed for LAX, going to pick up Anne, whose flight was to be landing at any minute. Harry had gone early that morning and gotten his blood drawn, as did the mother. Harry told you the two of them didn’t see or speak to each other though, which was good. 

“They said a couple of days but would rush it because of the circumstances.” Harry explains, keeping his eyes forward and both hands tight on the steering wheel.

“You mean because of who you are.” You clarified for him. “If you aren’t the father, they’ll want to know as soon as possible so they can make sure no one starts rumors you’re having a child, and if they do they have proof that you aren’t.” 

“Can we jus’ not talk abou’ this? ’m nervous, ’m scared, I don’ need you over here sayin’ stuff like tha’ to make me feel worse.” This was the first time he had snapped at you in awhile, especially since all of this had happened. It showed you just how much this was taking a toll on him. 

“I’m sorry.” You whisper, reaching over to rest your hand on his bicep. “I was just thinking out loud, I guess.” You tell him, removing your hand. He sighs, instantly regretting the tone of voice he had taken with you. He glances over at you but you weren’t looking at him and instead were focused on the buildings and cars flying past outside your window. 

Harry had felt a sense of hope last night and this morning that things would be okay with the two of you. You had kissed him, you had said you loved him, you’d laughed and joked with him this morning when he got home from the doctors office. Things felt normal and okay again. And he knew the results of the paternity test would most likely determine if you would return back to London as his girlfriend or his ex to never see him again. 

He wasn’t sure how he felt about all of this anymore. Of course, he didn’t particularly want this baby, but if it was his he knew he would love it completely and raise him or her to the best of his ability, even if that meant he would lose you. He would be a parent and he would have to do what he had to for his child. For the fear of losing you alone was the only reason he was praying the baby turned out not to be his. He hadn’t let himself feel that emotional connection yet. He hadn’t seen an ultrasound, he hadn’t heard a heartbeat, right now it was an abstract idea, a phantom consuming his thoughts until all of this was resolved. 

“Hey,” Harry breaks from his thoughts and looks over at you for a second, seeing that you were looking at him with concern riddled across that beautiful face. You reach over, resting a hand on his leg. “You alright?” 

“Jus’ thinkin’.” Harry answers, turning back to the road. They were almost at the airport. He couldn’t wait to see his mother. He needed the comfort of his mothers arms around him as he figured this all out. You were also excited to see her. Anne had always been such a comfort to you and it was going to be nice to have her around to help. 

“What about?” You wonder, your hand still resting on his leg. You see him bite at his lower lip, clearly unsure if he wanted to tell you what was on his mind or not. “You don’t have to tell me.” You assure him but he shakes his head. 

“’m jus’ thinkin’ abou’ how I’ll feel if the baby isn’ mine and how I’ll feel if it is mine.” He explains quietly, giving a small shrug of his muscular shoulders. “I don’ feel a connection yet and I know the only way there would be chance of you forgiving me would be if I wasn’ the father so I prefer tha’ instead of a child with someone else righ’ now.” 

“Whether you’re the father or not, you still cheated and then lied to me, Harry. I’m not going to just forgive you because you might not be the father.” Though admittedly, you would be more so open to resolving all of this if he wasn’t going to be tied down to a child. 

“Yeah, bu’ if ‘m no’ then I have more time to spend on gettin’ you back.” He grins over at you then and takes your hand from his leg to bring the back of your hand up to his lips. He glances over at you as his soft lips kiss your skin before he puts your hand back on his leg and focuses back on the road. You’re heart raced at his touch, your mind going a mile a minute. 

You didn’t speak for the remainder of the trip, which was thankfully not much, but you did keep your hand on his leg. Once you saw Anne and you both got out of the car, heading to greet her, she pulled you both into a hug one at a time, holding you both close against her as you hug her just as tightly back. 

“Oh, Harry,” She comments, resting a hand on her son’s cheek as she looks into his tired and clearly stressed face but he gives her a smile, not wanting to upset her more than he already had. He hugs her again before he takes her bags and heads to put them in the back of his car while the two of you hug again. 

The drive home was thankfully not awkward. Baby talk didn’t happen, instead Anne shared stories of what was going on at home, what her and Robin had been up to, as well as Harry’s sister Gemma. It was nice to talk about something other than the baby and cheating and just pretend that everything was okay again.

“So, am I taking the guest room or is it pre-occupied?” Anne questioned when Harry was close to pulling into the driveway. That’s when you glance over at Harry, realizing the two of you clearly hadn’t thought about that. You’d been sleeping in the guest room still while he was in your old bedroom. Now with Anne needing the guest room where would you go. 

“I’ll just… I’ll take the couch. It will only be for a few days anyway.” You answer, giving a shrug. The couch was plenty big enough and decently comfortable so it shouldn’t be too bad. 

“I’ll take the couch.” Harry argues. “Or, you could stay with me. We have a huge bed, or well… I have a huge bed.. we won’ have to sleep close together or anythin’.” You bite your lip but decide he was right. You wouldn’t have to be close to him as the bed was in fact huge with plenty of space but you had to admit it would still be a little bit weird and hard to be so close in a bed that the two of you had once been intimate in but it would have to do for the next few days until all of this was finished and you returned home. 

It was so nice to have Anne there. She helped fill that awkward silence that sometimes fell between you and Harry. She also made it easy to not talk about the current situation, the two of you were escaping all of it finally and it felt so nice to have laughs and comfort instead of arguing and tears. 

“Jus’ kick me if I ge’ too close.” Harry comments to you after the two of you had gotten ready for bed. You were pulling all the extra pillows off the bed that Harry had always been annoyed by. He always claimed that you didn’t need more than what you used to sleep so why overload the bed with smaller decorative ones? You said it made the room complete and they were staying, so he put up with it but you had to admit, the task of taking them off every night did get kind of annoying, as did having to put them all back on in the morning. “You know I like a cuddle.” 

“And you know I have no problem kicking you.” You respond with an innocent smile to which his response was to grab a pillow and toss it at you. You laugh as it bounces off your arm that you held up to shield yourself. “You can kick me if I get too close too. Not that I will but ya know, just in case.” 

“Yeah, I will.” He smirks at you as the two of you pull back the blankets and slide into bed. You sigh as you collapse back into the pillows, pulling the thick blanket up to your chin as you sink into the mattress. You had missed this comfortable bed. 

Surprisingly, the two of you did keep your distance from one another throughout the night. He stayed on his side, and you on yours. He woke before you and couldn’t help but smile over at your sleeping form, needing to resist the urge to pull you close against him like he used to. He knew you wouldn’t like that though so instead he just leaned in, pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek, careful not to wake up, before sliding out of bed. 

“Mornin’, sunshine.” He greeted you when you entered the kitchen a little while later. He lifts his forkful of eggs in a greeting before sliding the plate over to you when you sit beside him. “Eggs?” He asks, his mouth full. You laugh and shove him with your elbow before grabbing his fork. 

“You’re disgusting.” You comment before shoving your own forkful of eggs into your mouth. You realize then that maybe sharing a plate of breakfast wasn’t a normal and just friends kind of thing to do but it’s what the two of you had done for so long, it happened so naturally just as holding hands after the meeting with the lawyers had been. You push the thoughts from your head though as Anne walks into the room, freshly showered and grinning at her son and you, happy to see that things were clearly getting better with the two of you.

“Morning everyone!” She greets, going about making herself a cup of coffee. Harry watched you through the rest of breakfast, the two of you passing the fork back and forth until the eggs were gone. He kept thinking about how nice all of this had been and how easily it could go back to this but that damn test was looming over everything. It could ruin all of this but then he kept thinking how he already had ruined all of this but these moments gave him hope that just maybe it wasn’t over, that you and him still had a chance as a couple. 

It had now been three days since he took the paternity test and still hadn’t gotten an answer but everyday he woke up with his hands shaking, a nervous sweat building on his skin as he thought about how today could be the day. This morning you had picked up on it as you awoke and knew instantly what he was thinking, so against your better judgement you pulled him close and allowed him to curl against you and cry. 

“I don’ know what I’m goin’ to do.” He cried into your neck, holding you tight against him. “I can’ be the father, I can’t.” 

“We’ll get through this, Harry,” You realized as you said it how that sounded and Harry clearly did too as he gave a small hiccup and lifted his head to frown down at you. “I mean… I.. we’ll get through finding out the results. I… we’ll figure out the rest when we get there.” You were so confused as to how you were feeling lately, about him, about the cheating, about the baby. 

You loved Harry, you loved him so much, and he had been showing you how much he loved you these last few days. He was being caring, affectionate as best he could without letting it go too far and make you uncomfortable, he was being his old self and you had missed that. You missed Harry, and you missed being in a relationship with him. Maybe forgiving him wouldn’t be such a bad thing. He had been your life for so long, you could perhaps try at least. 

It was later that afternoon, the two of you and Anne had been watching a movie when Harry’s phone rang. You looked over at him beside you and saw that his face had grown pale. You glance down at his phone and see it was his lawyer calling him. The results were in. 

“Answer it, Harry.” You hiss at him, elbowing him. He looks over at you, his eyes wide and a crease formed between his brows. “I can do it.” You reach for the phone but he seems to snap out of it and stands up, accepting the call. 

He walks across the room, his back to both of you as he talks low, his voice quiet. You and Anne look over at each other and she reaches over to take your hand as she picks up on the way your heart rate had increases and your breathing had become shallow as you focused on Harry, trying to hear what was happening but you couldn’t hear him. 

And then the phone fell from his hand as he ended the call and your heart sank. That gave you the answer of what the news he had just received was and you felt your heart shattering all over again. Harry was to be a father, you just knew it. 

“Harry?” Anne questions after a few moments of silence, Harry still with his back to the two of you. “What did he say?” But Harry still didn’t answer. 

“Harry? Talk to us, please.” You stand then, releasing Anne to walk towards him. “Please.” Maybe it was the fact that you had come closer, or maybe it was just the fact that you had a quiet plea to your voice and he sensed you were close to tears, but he finally turned. His face was dry but his eyes were wide and he had an emotion hidden in his eyes that you couldn’t quite pick up on. “What did he say?” 

“It’s…” He takes a deep breath and then to your astonishment, he began to smile. “It’s not mine.” His breath was just a whisper but you heard it loud and clear. “They said there wasn’ a match at all and there’s no way it’s mine.” Your head was buzzing, unable to form a coherent thought as you look up into those green eyes. 

“Oh, Harry,” You both turn as Anne stands and rushes over to hug him tightly but you still just stood there. “I’ll… I’ll give you two some time to talk this through.” She kisses Harry’s cheek, then yours after giving you a quick hug, and leaves the room. Harry turns to you, silently questioning your thoughts. 

“It’s over, love, it’s all over. We don’ have to worry abou’ this anymore.” All he wanted to hear now after hearing those amazing words was to hear you say you still loved him and were willing to give him another chance. “Okay, look,” He steps forward and takes your hands in his, gripping at you tightly. You look up into his eyes, still wanting your thoughts to straighten themselves out but your head was still buzzing so instead you allowed him to talk. “I know I still messed up, I cheated, and tha’ will forever be my bigges’ regret bu’ if you le’ me, I will spend the rest of my life tryin’ to make up for this. I love you, I love you so much, Y/N. Please… give me jus’ one more chance, tha’s all ‘m askin for.” 

“Harry,” You whisper, releasing one of his hands to instead bring your hand up to rest on his slightly stubble covered cheek. He hadn’t shaved that morning but you liked the feel of it under your fingertips. “It’s going to take a lot for me to fully forgive you.” He sighs, closing his eyes as he willed the tears not to come. He knew this was it. He had made it to the other side of this whole pregnancy ordeal so now you were going to say since he didn’t need you anymore you were going to leave. “But I’m willing to try.” His eyes pop open and he sees you giving him a soft smile. 

“Really?” He whispers, unable to believe that you were willing to give him another chance, and give him another shot at being a better boyfriend this time. You still wanted him, you still wanted to be with him, and he was stunned that somehow, after all this shit you were willing to try again. He didn’t deserve you, he really didn’t. 

“I love you so much, Harry,” You say. “And even after all of this, through all of this, if I can still love you, then just maybe we really can make this work.” 

“Oh my god.” He whispers it like a prayer and then pulls you into his arms, his face burying in your neck as he holds you close. Your arms wrap tightly around his shoulders, both of you with grins you couldn’t control. “I love you, I love you so much.” He pulls back to say and then his lips were on yours. “I don’ deserve you-” 

“Just shut up and kiss me again, Harry. I’m done talking.” You cut him off, a grin on your face. His face broke out into his adorable boyish grin that you had missed so much. You tangle your fingers in his hair as his lips join with yours again. 

Tokyo Ghoul vs Literature: Red Dragon - A Metaphor for Hide and Kaneki’s Relationship

Sorry about the delay in this one, I actually lost the book Red Dragon fro awhile and I had to go find it. Anyway this time around we’re gong to look at a character I don’t talk about as often, Hide. During one of the flashes to Hide’s room we’re presented with a brief collection of his interests as mostly a background element. While the various manga volumes do show how his tastes clash with Kaneki, the one that stands out the most in a Red Dragon poster.

Let’s explore the connection between the two underneath the cut.

Keep reading

In case you’re wondering why I haven’t told you

It’s because of the look you gave me when you asked what the new soap I’d bought was and I hesitated before replying, “It’s called Gender Bender.” You then passive-aggressively bought me 24 new bars of soap in an assorted package, which I am not yet halfway through.

It’s because of the joke you made about “pretending to be a tranny to get a discount” in the car on the way to get haircuts one Saturday morning.

It’s because of the way I watched your face when I was talking to you in the bathroom this morning when you noticed I, your female child with short hair and a flat chest, was wearing a shirt that said, “#1 Dad” on it as a joke. I saw the look in your eyes like a warning.

It’s because of the way you asked my older sister if I was interested in that boy I brought over to play video games instead of going to prom. “He’s kind of weird,” you told her, “but I just want her to like a boy.” And when my sister, who knows, asked, “What if she doesn’t?” you replied, “I’m her mother, I’m allowed to have a preference, that’s all.”

It’s because of one of the many times I was visiting my dad in New Hampshire when he said, “Oh, when we were together, your mother hated gay people. And your grandmother can’t stand them, either.”

It’s because of the way you opened my sister’s mail and saw that she had registered herself as a democrat. A few weeks later, we were out to dinner with one of your friends, and you said, “And I’ve told Jaimie, if she’s going to register as a democrat, not to say anything. Her sister I’m not sure about, but I have confidence that Jaimie should at least wisen up before long.” And I kept quiet because you told me not to say anything.

It’s because of the day we went school shopping in the summer before ninth grade, and when I asked if I could look to buy boy’s jeans, you said, “Like it or not, you’re a woman, and you have a woman’s curves.” I still wanted boy’s jeans, but I told you I’d changed my mind. I still want boy’s jeans, but you think I changed my mind.

It’s because of the way you scrunched your nose when I told you my character in the school musical had been changed from “Kate,” who had one line, to “Ike,” who appeared in several scenes. Instead of congratulating me, you asked why they made me play a boy every year.

It’s because of the nightmares I used to have wherein my aunt, who figured it out on her own, outed me to you, and I got so scared of your response that I woke up with dust clogging my throat.

It’s because of the time my sister looked at our cat and said, “Sometimes I don’t really think of Oscar as a boy cat, he’s kinda in-between sometimes.” And you said, “Well, he is a boy cat.” And you used that tone. I have grown up with the presence of that tone settled in my gut like a rock.

It’s because of the way I sat in my room having a panic attack, huddled in front of my blasting fan because it was too hot and I couldn’t breathe, the first time I tried on my binder (the binder that I bought secretly with my own money three years ago and you still don’t know I have.) If anyone finds out, I thought, what will happen to me?

It’s because of the way I told you I wanted to try living with Dad for awhile and you broke down, wouldn’t talk to me about it, wouldn’t acknowledge that it was happening until it had, and even though I was happier there, even though I had told my dad and his girlfriend within a month of living with them, even though I was more involved with theater and didn’t hate the thought of going to school every morning because I liked this one, even though I had friends that I loved more than anyone I knew back here, in this godforsaken farm town in rural New York, you still made me feel guilty enough about leaving you that I came back anyway.

It’s because of the way that I’m out at school, that I don’t care if anyone there knows that I’m not a girl or a boy, or that I like both girls and boys, and there I’m loud, and there I’m happy, but as soon as I get home I’m quiet as a mouse because I don’t want you to talk to me because you might say something careless, and think nothing of it, but your throwaway comment, to me, is a dagger in my lungs.

It’s because of the look you gave me when I was thirteen and I told you I wanted to be a prince for Halloween.

It’s because of the way you once prefaced your indignation at something sexist with, “I’m NOT a feminist, but…”

It’s because of the way my heart spiked with panic when we were reviewing my college applications together and I realized I’d marked gender as “prefer not to respond” and quickly scrolled past it.

It’s because of what I imagine you would say if you found out that I have signed up to live in gender-neutral housing for my freshman year on campus, and that I will not let any of my roommates believe I am a girl.

And if you’re wondering why I haven’t let you read anything I’ve written, it’s because my writing is deeply personal to me, and I don’t want you to know any of my secrets. I don’t want you to know what I think about the world because I know you would disagree and tell me so. I don’t want you to know what I think love should be because you would only be cynical and try to tell me about the real world. I don’t want you to read about my queer heroes because these characters and their stories are important to me, and I feel like if I let you touch them, it would ruin them for me.

It’s because I remember all of these things every time I get close to you.

It’s because I break my own heart thinking about how much I want to love you, but can’t.

If you’re wondering why I haven’t told you I’m queer, and why I never will, it’s because I don’t trust you. And when I start my own life, and I live on my own, I will not care who knows, and I will not care if you find out, because once I am out, I will be far away, and I won’t have to see that look on your face ever again.