Don't give me bullshit before 10am
Low-key fake customer service expert here working at the big M “arts and crafts store”.
First of all, lady. It is 9:30 in the fucking morning and I’m still getting over a really bad cold that had me out for 4 days. Despite feeling like my face was going to cave in at any moment, there was absolutely no issues with our interaction.
Your ass. Decided to suddenly remember your 50% off coupon AS YOUR PAYMENT WAS PROCESSING.
You asked if I could cancel. I couldn’t.
“Oops, too late.” I said in my painfully bubbly Minnie Mouse customer care voice that should not be possible that early.
“Well…VOID it.” You spat back with your eyebrows raised and a tangy little dip in your voice like a 15 year old, pretending your jowls weren’t trying to slide off of your face from roughly 50 years of your shitty attitude rotting you away from the inside out.
“I can do a return and adjust the price for you no problem!” I nearly choked on the sugar pouring out of my mouth trying to subdue your bullshit in honey and sprinkles so I didn’t get overwhelmed by the desire to choke slam you, because I would prefer one of you every now and then over jail.
Great thing is, I’m pretty stellar at my job and an absolute expert at doing the literal most basic resale with a price adjustment.
We were so close.
We were almost golden, Ponyboy.
But no. That wasn’t enough for you.
“Don’t you KNow ME?!”
“I practically live in this store!” Suddenly your smile reminded me of the evil witch convincing Snow White to eat the apple. I inaudibley gagged on the horrible excuse for a laugh that I let out in response. A common joke many regulars make.
“But…I’ve never seen YOU before..so you must be new. I’m here all the time. You should know I always use coupons and you should have just done it for me.”
…….what. what? What?!
I have never seen you in my entire life let alone the 7 months I’ve been working here. Besides, we have hundreds of customers a DAY, so even if you were camped out in the canvas, I probably still wouldn’t know or care to know you.
At the same time, even if you were my mother (which I cannot thank the universe enough that I have no connection to you whatsoever), I still would not just automatically scan a coupon for you.
I. Would. Get. Fired.
I don’t care if you are the Pope, if you don’t have a coupon you don’t get the discount!
Normally this would not have bothered me as much as it did but the absolute last thing I want to deal with first thing in the morning is a grown woman speaking to me with an attitude that was so awful and obnoxious, my middle school self would have throat punched you.
Crotchety old bitch.