i had soup for lunch

The Beginning // BTS’ Jungkook

Inspired by One Ok Rock’s song of the same title.

Fluff, romance.
Word Count: 3.7k.


A stick of charcoal, that was all he had been looking for.

And perhaps some archival ink, too, if the clock so permitted. As a third year fine arts major, Jungkook had developed the habit of passing time between lectures in empty art classrooms, taking advantage of its abundance of materials to paint or sketch or whatever he was in the mood for. That day it just so happened that he fancied the idea of smudge work- a forest silhouette, or the twisting labyrinth of an underground city, he wasn’t sure. He supposed he would figure out the details once he had the charcoal in hand.

He only had an hour to spare before his next class, however. As he opened the door to the supply cupboard, he decided to forgo the ink and begin directly with the smudging. Just a bit of charcoal, nothing more and nothing less. He had visited this room enough times to know that it would be in a tin underneath the pastel sticks.

Instead, what he found was you: a slight figure nestled among the cans of acrylic paint, arms hugging knees and head resting against the back of the closet. Oh, and there’s the tin next to your left foot- wait, what?

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Glorious Long Weekend
5 June 2017

Time for a brunch post! Better than anything I’ve eaten out lately: smashed avocado on olive ciabata, with diced tomatoes, basil, rocket & eggs. I had pumpkin soup for lunch and vege-enriched spaggy bol for dinner - getting those nutrients in! #homecooked

I’m on a six-day walk-(or run)-the-dog streak. I’m not feeling the bike love right now but there’s nothing like fresh air and sunshine to lift the spirits when you’re unwell. A daily walk does Mitzy the world of good too. Today’s effort was mainly a run because my cold symptoms have decreased.

I have signed up for Saturday morning run training at my local park and committed to run the City To Surf 12km course. I may have lost my riding mojo for now but exercise is medicine and I need the motivation that some low-stress coaching will bring. I am completely anonymous in the running community and this group is no-drop for all abilitues, so no pressure.

Also I’m really loving my new Garmin Forerunner 235. I’m finding new features the more I play with it. My ulcerative colitis may be bloody killing me right now but there is plenty to be happy about, including our spectacular sunny winter weather.

Jealous of the Past -A Japril OneShot-

Set in my own version of season 9 - April’s ex-boyfriend from college visits Grey Sloan with the potential of transferring. Jealous and insecure because of he and April’s unlabeled relationship, Jackson finally frees up his feelings.


I’m walking towards the hospital on a crisp December morning, hands shoved into my pockets as I watch the snow come down in light flurries. Disrupting the white scenery before me, though, a shock of red hair appears just outside the front doors. And attached to that red hair is a hand, waving frantically, at me.

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​​​​Today has been way better about food! (Even if the picture below seems to tells different 😂). I’ve started the day going to the gym and then I had class from 2PM to 4PM and after that I met with I friend I haven’t seen since a few weeks. I allowed myself to take a piece of carrot cake as I was feeling hungry. I had only some soupe for lunch because we didn’t have any bread left at home. Also it was a bit of a special occasion so I decided it was okay. That’s means no unhealthy eating today, as I haven’t eaten anything out of boredom or because of my cravings. Now I’m about to watch tv show in bed and if I feel like eating something I might just have a cup of tea instead!

I hope you all had a lovely Monday!

I had a bowl of autumn squash soup for lunch today at Panera, then went to the store and bought two big containers of it so now i can eat it for dinner. 🤘🏻God i love soup.

And i never buy Panera soup at the store because it’s ridiculously overpriced but this soup might be one of my favorites ever, and it’s only available this time of year. PLUS, i can use a combo of a copycat recipe online and the ingredient list on the package and figure out how to make it myself. Because i love making soup almost as much as i love eating it.

Letter from a reader

Letter shared with the writers permission. It is long, but without any doubt worth reading. Thank you, E.

Dear Amalie, Xinwei, Brie, Samantha, Øygunn, Emily, Ana and Marianne,

I know you get a tonne of these so don’t feel like you have to reply - just knowing that you are aware of how much you have done for me is enough!

I don’t know how to express what a difference you have made to my life, and what you’re still doing for me every day. It was discovering letsrecover.tumblr.com that made a lightbulb go off in my head and made me decide to start recovery. And through this entire process, each time I look at letsrecover.tumblr.com I feel a little more positive, a little more confident, and much, much less alone. Thank you all so, so much.

I think eating disorders are the kind of thing no one really ever thinks they will get. At least, pre-eating disorder, I didn’t. I didn’t worry about my weight, not really; I tried new foods with enthusiasm, I always had seconds if they were on offer, I never weighed myself, and I was a perfectly healthy weight. That’s something I’m only just realising how - I never was overweight. I didn’t need to change. I had loving parents who doted on their only child, I was clever, got top grades at school, and thought anorexia was something that I would never experience because I was far too intelligent to damage my body that way.

The thing is, I know now that eating disorders are not about how clever you are. Weighing out your Special K cornflakes, counting calories so meticulously that you even log your sugar free gum on Myfitnesspal, getting out of bed to do secret 10-minute abdominal workouts while your parents are asleep - that’s not rational behaviour. Eating disorders latch onto the irrational part of your brain and make it grow until the rational part is overwhelmed. It doesn’t matter if you’re a certified genius - everyone has an irrational side and so nobody is immune to an eating disorder.

My eating disorder started developing when I was fourteen (I’m almost sixteen now). I go to an all girls’ school, so obviously around puberty everyone starts obsessing about their appearance and skinny = popular. My friends started watching what they were eating; I noticed my best friend never took desert at lunchtime anymore - even if it was sticky toffee pudding with treacle sauce (?????) - sometimes she skipped lunch altogether. Then one of my friends introduced to Myfitnesspal (a.k.a. the devil). I still didn’t have an eating discover yet, but I started feeling more self-conscious about the fact my thighs touched when I walked, that I had rolls when I was sat down and slouching.

The moment that really triggered me was in January last year. I was at a rehearsal for a school play I was performing in and some people ordered pizza from Domino’s for lunch. I’d already eaten the packed lunch my mum had made for me, but as everybody was taking a piece, I had one. And then two. And then three. Soon the pizza was all gone, and everyone had had one piece, except me. I’d had three. Three. Oh my god, did I just eat three slices of pizza?!, I thought. I’ve already had pasta and chocolate and crisps and an apple and oh my god. I am a fat pig. I can feel my stomach sagging under all this junk already. I need to do something about this.

It sounds so incredibly idiotic and trivial now, but that was the minute where my life for the next year completely transformed. Suddenly, Myfitnesspal was my bible. Pretty soon I logged every food obsessively, I dug through my kitchen bin to find packets so I could find out how many calories I’d had, I made weird 99-calorie brownies with fat free yoghurt instead of butter that I insisted I liked though they tasted like rubber, I drove my mum and dad crazy by placing my plate on the kitchen scales every dinner time when we were plating up so I knew exactly how much chicken I was having, I ran five kilometres everyday not because I enjoyed it but because I needed to burn off the cream cracker and carrot soup I’d had for lunch. I started feeling cold all the time and my dad would complain when I constantly turned the thermostat up. I got these blood blisters on the inside of my cheeks, my hands looked like claws, my boobs disappeared, my period stopped, the how many calories have I eaten today, how much can I allow myself for dinner, how far do I have to run today to burn this off, what combination of breakfast muffins and fruit can I have for breakfast that equals less than 350 calories thoughts were always present in my mind. I literally turned into a walking calculator. My entire life revolved around numbers.

But I was happy, right? Because after a few months, people started noticing. You’re looking really skinny. Wow! When did you get so slim? My friends had grown out of their I’m-skipping-desert phases. I didn’t. They had never become so controlling, but I did. I kept going. And the comments gradually became: You look so pale. Are you okay? Just eat the cupcake like everyone else, Jesus. What’s wrong with you? The school nurse called me into her office one day and told me my friends had asked her to speak to me. She said they were concerned about me. She told me I needed to eat properly, but I didn’t listen. It wasn’t enough to shock me out of it. I saw the worry in my dad’s eyes when I he hugged me and felt my ribs through the four jumpers I was wearing, I saw the tears in my mum’s eyes as I threw a tantrum and refused to eat the dinner she made me when I hadn’t been there to supervise how much oil she put in the frying pan. But I was happy. I was happy. Because I’d always been the 5ft 9", comfortably chunky one among my friends. And now I was the thin one. I’d never been that person. I thought it was fantastic.

This went on until around November last year. Suddenly, being thin didn’t seem quite so great anymore. I was getting really tired, all the time. The calorie-counting was taking over everything else. I gradually started upping my food intake, still petrified of gaining weight. I went from maintaining on 1400 to around 2000, but restriction still governed my every waking thought and action. I was still maintaining a low BMI, still got blood blisters, still had no period. But I convinced myself I had “recovered”. I was eating recommended guidelines for an adult. I was healthy.

No. In no. Freaking. Way. was I healthy.

While surfing social media and dieting websites one day, I came across a comment by someone called Gwyneth to someone asking about how to recover from anorexia that recommended upping calorific intake dramatically, and it made so much sense. She was talking science and it spoke to me. I found her website, youreatopia.com, and researched her recovery programme, Minnie Maud. After a while, I knew it was the right thing to do. But I still felt so isolated, so unsure whether I could do it, whether anyone else was out there who could support me, so terrified of gaining a pound.

I probably would have stayed in that quasi-recovery for far too long if I hadn’t found letsrecover.tumblr.com. It showed me that were girls out there just like me. Or rather, not quite like me, because they had done it. They had recovered with Minnie Maud, they had eaten 3000+ calories each day and they weren’t fat. They shared their experiences and they convinced me I could take the plunge.

I still don’t consider myself fully recovered, it’s still been over a year since I’ve had my period, I’m not completely weight-restored, but I don’t always feel cold so much anymore, I’m a healthy BMI, my hands aren’t so skeletal and my mum and dad are happy now, like I am. I am actually happy now, for real. I can eat my cereal without weighing it anymore, I make real brownies with butter now and eat several everyday without guilt and without compensating for it later. They’re all little triumphs, but I’m trying to teach my own mind to be rational again. I never was diagnosed, I never went to a doctor, and never told anyone the true extent of my obsession. To this day, my parents don’t know about how I used to calorie-count myself to insanity. But I’m getting there, and maybe I will tell them, one day. I know if I keep pushing on I will eventually get my period. I know that I’m growing and I need to nurture my body, not starve it, and it’s thanks to you. Amalie, Xinwei and Brie especially. Brie’s posts always pick me up if I’m doubting myself. Xinwei’s biological knowledge always appeal to the Grade-A student in me and show me the importance of what I’m doing to repair my body. And Amalie’s unwavering positivity, drive to help others and determination have helped me most of all. Amalie, you are so, so inspirational and even though you don’t know me I feel like you are a friend.

Writing this all out and acknowledging that yes, I did have a problem and yes, I did need recovery, has reduced me to tears. I never was one of those girls who ate 300 calories each day and weighed 30kg and needed hospitalisation. Although my eating disorder was, in some ways, less extreme than that, I think that’s what made it so dangerous. Just because I was eating more than 300 calories a day, it doesn’t mean I wasn’t damaging myself. I was hurting my body, but because it wasn’t so dramatic, it meant it went on longer than it should have done without intervention; I didn’t come so close to emaciation that I was forced into recovery by medical professionals. I had to reach out and choose recovery. I think that’s what makes me so proud of myself. I made this choice for myself; I chose to be healthy and happy, truly happy, not a kind of superficial happy induced by an eating disorder. I literally don’t know where I’d be without you.

This past year, I put myself through hell and back - but you know what? I know myself a lot better now. I know I have an addictive personality which, if indulged, can take over. I know I have a tendency towards perfectionism. But I also know my commitment to things can be harnessed for positivity. I know if I can turn all that energy towards something good, I can do anything.

‘Thank you’ will never, ever be enough, but it’s all I have.

All the love in the world,

E.

sunflowersim  asked:

Cat lover and Vegetarian? c:

Cat Lover - Favorite cat breed?

Sphinxes! The hairless kind because anything else makes me sneeze and snotty and a gross mess. I live with one hairy little shit loveable pudge but he is my roommates and I deal with him because I like her. He’s…alright. I’m not committed. My dog is better.

Vegetarian - The last fruit/vegetable you ate?

I eat quite terribly. It’s bad that I have to actually think about this… Whatever veggie is in eggrolls because I just had like 17 because I went to my roommates holiday party and they were all FREE also there was an open bar so do grapes from the wine count?

So that was my night. But for serious, I had some asparagus in a soup for lunch. I am not a big veggie person like at all and I am selective on fruits. But yeah. That’s me. 

Thanks for the questions! :)

Clarification… Yesterday I mentioned that I had the best lunch ever, which was veggie sushi, miso soup, & vegan coconut ice cream… Several mentioned in my inbox, some with concern and some with disdain, that miso soup has fish stock. I am aware :) I am pescetarian, I just like to eat a lot of veggies and vegan cuisine. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how I eat. I think we should all eat more veggies and less meat. And seafood is my favorite thing ever, so I enjoy it in moderation and I am happy with that. :)

We had a friend over and I was making a thick chicken soup for lunch so I asked him if he wanted some and he said yes then I asked him if he was ok with onions and celery and he said no because he doesn’t eat veggies and I was like no George that doesn’t work for me. So he was like don’t worry about me I’ll just make a sandwich. So I made the soup and I asked him to just try it and he lost his mind!! He asked for seconds and thirds. After we were done eating I revealed to him (&my husband) that it’s actually an oatmeal chicken soup and he couldn’t believe it. He ate at least 4 different things that he normally doesn’t like and he loved it. I LOVE doing this with friends. I LOVE cooking.