i had delusions of grandeur for how i wanted to do this

earth an·gel

/ərTH ˈānjəl/

noun

  1. I threw myself into the void, but the void placed me gently back on shore and said darling you will be remembered, not for who you are, but you failed to be. So, I told the void fuck off and dived right back in, these seawater lungs gulping down lifeblood, this is a stinging baptismal rebirth.
  2. I wake up to fluorescent lights in the hospital, and  desperately rip out needles they injected in me, devil tendrils pulsing in life I do not want. Ten hands hold me down, and I scream this is my last rite, the doctor says that is a classic case of delusions of grandeur to the scared interns and there is a prick on my neck and everything goes dark.
  3. The galaxy is eating me, and this non-oxygenated blood circles in my lungs, making my heart and everything so devastatingly blue blue blue, I am so daringly mortal, in my self-destructive tendencies, that these veins can’t take any more pinprick points before they burst. The galaxy whispers this is how a junkie looks, this is how an angel self-destructs. 
  4. I claw my way out of my own lungs, in a different world, my hospital gown hangs off me as my back bends and breaks, I rise to the ceiling and levitate, the doctor says that is a classic case of demonic possession to the scared interns, my head spins 360, my spine cracks and bees erupt from my mouth I am not a classic case, I am the original Lilith, my serpent tongue speaks. The nurse checks off unknown species on my chart and continues on. 
  5. Gabriel draws me up from the water, and I can swear, he reminds me of someone I know are you Hermes? He smiles in another life some knew me by that name.  In that moment I remember, and I know he is not taking me somewhere I want to be so I rip myself from his grasp, leaving twin bruises on my arms, in another world I was Icarus and the sun was my beloved, but in this one I made my vows with the ocean abyss. Where are you going? He calls after my plummeting body, home home home. 
  6. Is your home not heaven? the sky asks as I descend through it. In another world maybe, but it never truly was. 
  7. I hit the earth hard, dazed and mouth full of soil, I think this is home. With its glided mortality, and chocolate chunk brownie ice-cream. With its blood-soaked kisses, and barbed wire love,with its sunshine lungs and radiation smiles, in its imperfections, this is home in the way the ocean stings against my cut wrists, this is home in the way I have bled for it, this is home in the way it gave me shelter when my wings were gone. This is home in the way it embraced me when all I  had was a cage on my back. Welcome back it says, welcome back. 
  8. Who have you become, the void whispers, she stops and corrects herself what have you become? All I know is that these veins are no longer glowing, that this halo is broken and gone, that these wings cannot fly no longer, all I know is that this earth is my cradle, my mother, my grave. All I know is that I am stronger than ever before. I tell the void fuck off. 
  9. I am no longer what I was before.

bharatanatyamandballet  asked:

Hi!! I was just wondering - do you have any good andreil fic recommendations?? I ADORE lessons in cartography and wanted something like that. I'm sorry to bother you if you don't read FICS!!

i haven’t yet read lessons in cartography i’m sorry :( i’ve been told there aren’t any other fics quite like it but i’m still willing to make a list of andreil fics to recommend!! thanks to all my friends who gave me more recs

* a star just means i haven’t read it but it’s been recommended to me

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anonymous asked:

86 andreil

“I guess dying with you wouldn’t be the worst thing.” (or something like that)

Lol, this is probably not the angst you wanted, but I hope you enjoy!

After all he had been through in his life- serial killer fathers, mafia men, crazed Exy players with delusions of grandeur- it seemed unfair that he was going to be done in by a broken air conditioner. He lay in front of the open window, eyes closed, hoping for an errant gust of wind.

When it didn’t come, he said, “At least dying with you won’t be the worst thing.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. He was sitting on the couch, feet on the coffee table and bowl of ice cream in his lap. The only thing that gave away that he was affected by the heat at all was the fact that he was wearing a tank top instead of his customary black t-shirts and armbands. Neil would have taken the time to appreciate his arms, if he wasn’t sweating his face off. “You’re not going to die. Stop acting like Nicky.”

Neil sat up on his elbows. “It’s 92 degrees in this apartment, Andrew. How are you not even sweating?”

“Maybe you’re just dramatic.”

Neil flipped over onto his back. “Do you think the cat’s dead?”

Andrew glanced over. “No. He’s just sleeping like he always does when it isn’t 3 a.m.”

Neil nodded, but reached out to pat their fur just to make sure. Once he was sure he was breathing, Neil said, “We should go somewhere that has air conditioning. Specifically somewhere that sells fans.”

Andrew nodded and picked his keys up off the coffee table. Neil looked at Sir Fat Cat. “Don’t jump out the window while we’re gone. It’s open for your benefit.”

“And don’t eat my ice cream or I’ll skin you,” Andrew added.

Thankfully, they didn’t live too far from a Wal-Mart and even though they both considered it to be hell on earth, they were successfully able to find a fan for the time until their air conditioner was fixed.

They were about to bring it inside when Neil heard a small noise come from the alley by their apartment. Neil headed over to check it out while Andrew watched passively. In a heap beside some trash, attempting to get some shade, was a small kitten with matted fur, clearly affected by the heat. He picked it up gingerly, trying to quiet its mews.

Andrew looked at the lump of fur and raised an eyebrow.

“Andrew, they’re gonna die out here.”

Andrew took the kitten and considered it from all angles. Through the clumps, he could see that their fur was orange. He lifted up the fur by its eyes, only to find that there was a small patch under its eye that was missing fur.

He looked up at Neil’s hopeful eyes and said, “It needs a bath.”

Neil smiled. “You can’t resist taking in strays, can you?”

“Who said anything about taking in strays? Maybe I’m trading you in for a quieter model.”

Neil rolled his eyes and carried the fan up to the apartment. “Sir!” Neil announced, “We found you a little sibling!”

Sir twitched his tail in indifference and instead stared eagerly at the box the fan came in.

“Idiot cat,” Andrew said, kicking the box as he made his way to the bathroom to wash the kitten.

When Andrew emerged with the freshly washed cat, Neil saw the missing skin patch, nearly identical to the scars on his own face.

“Not a word,” Andrew said.

PULSAR’S TOP 5 WINTER ANIME OF 2017

I’ve decided this year to do things a little differently with my “favorite anime” lists. Instead of just doing a year-end top 10 list, I’m going to do a Top 5 every three months at the end of the season (anime seasons run quarterly, as opposed to once a year like with American TV). This way I can highlight more shows, plus it will be when all the episodes are online and you can watch the shows from beginning to end.

Without further ado…

#5: INTERVIEWS WITH MONSTER GIRLS
This is a cute little slice of life/comedy series about a biology teacher who is fascinated by “demi-humans,” aka monsters. He happens to have three students who fall into this category (a vampire, a dullahan, and a snow woman), plus a fellow teacher who also happens to be a succubus. He convinces the girls to do interviews with him about what their lives are like as monsters, not just for his own curiosity but to figure out how to be a better teacher for them.

If you’re expecting risque ecchi shenanigans like on shows like Monster Musume, you won’t find them here. What you will find is a surprisingly sweet and charming show featuring some extremely likeable characters (the succubus teacher who tries to hide her physical charms by wearing a tracksuit, which of course only serves to get people’s minds racing even more, is my personal favorite).

#4: GABRIEL DROPOUT
A hilarious comedy about an angel who graduates from angel school at the top of her class and is sent down to Earth for post-grad work… only to become obsessed with video games and turn into a lazy bum. Meanwhile her best friend, a demon fresh out of demon school, is entirely too sweet and responsible to be a good minion of Satan.

Throw in a fellow angel who is actually a complete sadist, and a fellow demon with delusions of grandeur, and you’ve got the recipe for some seriously funny times. Satanichia the would-be queen of the Underworld damn near steals the show. If you’re looking for some laughs this is a great show to check out.

#3: KONOSUBA - SEASON 2

If you haven’t seen Season 1 of Konosuba, stop what you’re doing, go watch it, then come back, apologize, and watch Season 2.

The four most inept, narcissistic, delusional adventurers in anime are back and funnier than ever. Imagine “Its Always Sunny” type humor mixed with D&D style fantasy world tropes. The jokes are nonstop with this show, with some fantastic voice acting (especially from the voice actor for Kazuma the main character). Even when the animation sometimes slips in quality, it actually makes the show FUNNIER.

I really hope we get a Season 3, I need more of the adventures of my explosion-obsessed mage, useless goddess, masochist knight and Kazutrash. I needs it, maaaaaaan.

#2: MISS KOBAYASHI’S DRAGON MAID

An office worker gets drunk one night and misses her train stop. She ends up wandering into the woods and coming across an injured dragon. After helping the dragon out, she offers to let the dragon stay with her… then goes home, sleeps it off, and completely forgets about everything.

The next morning, guess who’s at her doorstep?

Calling this show cute would be the understatement of the century. It’s absolutely adorable, with the dragons stealing the show with their shenanigans. The animation style is great, with tons of colors and great character designs. There’s a genuine sweetness to the show that’s never forced or cloying. And did I mention the show is about A FREAKING DRAGON MAID?

#1: SCUM’S WISH
I had a hard time deciding whether or not to give this or KOBAYASHI the number 1 spot. If it came down to which show I had more fun watching, it would have been KOBAYASHI hands down. But that isn’t a fair way to judge this show.

Make no mistake: Scums Wish is NOT a pleasant show. It’s one of the most emotionally draining experiences I’ve had watching an anime. The subject matter alone will likely turn a lot of people off, and I imagine there will be people who like every other show on my list and hate this one. But that’s okay.

The show is about two high school students who appear to be the perfect couple, but it’s all an act: they’re actually in love with other people, people who they can’t have (their teachers), and are using each other as physical substitutes to fill the emotional void.

A lot of love stories (in anime and other mediums) like to pretend that love is always fun and pleasant, and even when things get bad, they work themselves out in the end. This is not one of those shows. This show will remind you just how horrible love can be: unrequited love, loving someone who hates you in return, knowing the person you love is only using you as a replacement but going along with it because you think it’s better than not having them in your life at all. The characters in this show are all flawed, and some of them do awful things to each other… but in the end, I desperately wanted them all to end up okay. You’ll have to watch the show to find out if they do.

As always, these are just my personal top picks. I’d love to hear what your favorite anime of the year so far are. 

P.S. I know Little Witch Academia is missing. I’m waiting til the season is done to add it to any lists I do. I’m sure it will end up there. 

I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun

@hedaoftheskaikru asked “Can you write a Bellarke pride and prejudice au? Or just a general regency au?” and I certainly tried. Hope you like it!

(ao3)


Bellamy isn’t sure how he ended up married to the daughter of a Lord– or more accurately, how the daughter of a Lord ended up married to him. He’s had some time (a few months, at most) to adjust to the fact that Lord Marcus has taken a special interest in passing on his title to Bellamy. He’s had less time (not even a day, to be exact) to accept the fact that he has a new wife, and that the Lady in question is displeased with the arrangement.

He can’t blame her much. Surely she had in mind marrying someone with the right kind of manners, the right kind of connections, the right kind of parentage. But his actual parentage– mother dead and father unknown– is what put him in this position, so perhaps he had the right kind after all.

Lady Clarke is everything he expected she would be: lovely and proper, her spine ramrod-straight, her chin high enough he feels like she’s looking down on him, no matter how much shorter she may be.

She also has a sharp glint in her eye and shoulders drawn back the way he’s seen his fellow soldiers posture themselves, readying for a fight. These, he didn’t expect. He finds he doesn’t quite know what to make of them.

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Winter Interrupted (Part 2/?) (Bucky Barnes x reader)

Part 1

The headaches that plagued you when stress was high were enough to lay you out in bed for days on end, and you couldn’t remember a time in your life when you didn’t have them.  They weren’t uncommon after a particularly difficult mission, or those occasions when you would hit nearly 48 hours without so much as a nap, but you hadn’t had one in a while and it was throwing you off.  The side effects of a headache like this were a mixed bag of vomiting, dizziness, fumbling hands and feet, and the penchant for mumbling in Russian without realizing the shift in language.  After the last few years with the team, they had acclimated around you, sending Nat to babysit until you could get safely into bed and back to using only one language at a time.  It usually took more than the little scuffle that you had with Bucky to bring one of these on, but now that you realized that you never knew a day without suffering with this, you wondered what else in your life you were missing and just how large of a hole was left in your mind once you had fled Hydra.

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Blade Runner 2049 analysis *SPOILERS*

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Is everyone wanting to avoid spoilers for both the original Blade Runner as well as 2049 gone? Okay? Good. First I’ll just address how I interpret the first movie so you know where I’m coming from with 2049.

To me, the original was about both a bad man finding his humanity by the grace of a machine, and a flawed man affirming his humanity through his final actions. To me, Deckard is unequivocally a human, not only because the “Deckard is a replicant twist!” feels like a hackneyed afterthought, but because his relative lack of human empathy and subsequent discovery of said empathy is far more interesting to me than a guy not knowing what he is. Deckard is a bit of a piece of garbage - he’s an alcoholic, he kinda-sorta-maybe rapes Rachel, and he is a cynical shell of a man after so many years on a corrupt police force in a destitute city.

So his lack of empathy at the start, contrast against his newfound sense of humanity, affirmed by the final act of Roy, is a really wonderful story of two men on opposite sides of the same coin both finding solace and affirmation in each other at the very end. Deckard finally understands, and Roy leaves behind a man who will carry his memory on, even if the rest of the world forgets him. His life had purpose, and it was his actions that defined him, not where he came from.

And so with that said, I’m so happy 2049 completely sidestepped the entire idea and ultimately said it doesn’t matter one bit, all that matters is what you know to be real and what you actually do that defines you.

K’s story is a mirror of both Deckard’s and Roys, except he’s not looking to just be human, he wants to be MORE human than human. He wants to be special. He has delusions of grandeur and is so high on his own dreams he inserts himself into his own case and makes it about him. He assumes the child is him because he just wants so damn bad to be that kid, to be special, to be not just human but THE human. Joi is the opposite side of the replicant coin - if replicants can have a soul because of their actions, then Joi is the counterpoint that says they can also just have absolutely nothing inside as well.

Joi is K’s personified dream of being special. Joi AIs are supposed to be “Anything You Want,” and what he wants to be is special, so she is constantly reassuring him that he is in fact very special. She insists the entire way that he’s the child, he’s important, she’s always there because she’s coddling him. He does love her, but it’s not reciprocated. I don’t think there’s even a hint of a soul in Joi, because she represents more of an idea than an individual to K.

And her giving him the name Joe is really the first clue that he’s just an utter nobody with no value. He’s just an Average Joe, your everyday replicant who dreams of being something greater, of saving the world. 2049 is the story of an arrogant man having his worldview and identity shattered, and ultimately finding a real sense of humanity in the idea of just simply being. He affirms his own humanity, he makes his own choices, he’s the one who has the final say and no one else gets to determine what his identity is. He chooses to save Deckard for the same reason Roy did - he made the human choice, the empathetic choice, and he left someone behind to remember him even when the rest of the world would forget. If Roy is remarkable for proving he had a soul, then K can’t be, and he finally makes peace with simply being. He doesn’t need external validation, he’s his own man in the end.

Just as Joi is a reflection of his own dreams, the LAPD and the Resistance both represent his aspiration to identity and external validation. With the LAPD, his identity is formed to that of a slave. There is some sense of purpose here, his role is concrete and fully realized. He has no real choice, but he does have purpose within the external formation of his identity as slave. However, just as Roy said, living in fear is what it is to be a slave. He fears that he is just regular, so he dreams of being special.

With the Resistance, his identity is formed to that of a freed replicant. There is no purpose, but there is some degree of choice. He must make a real choice to accept this, and within the role of a freed replicant he may have some degree of autonomy, but this also means he is not special for all share his dreams.

Immediately before being presented this choice he loses Joi, and his worldview begins to crumble. Once she is gone he learns there is not one ounce in him that is special, that he wasn’t born, and that he is utterly unremarkable on every front for even the other replicants made the same choices he did, came to the same conclusions he did about being special, they all dreamed it. This is where Gaff’s origami sheep is really important to me, because this point of the movie is where it draws most heavily from the title Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?. To me, I think the movie takes this quite literally, in that the replicants all dream of being special, of having some grander meaning, but in choosing to bound those dreams together in an aimless, shared cause, they all dilute themselves and the dream until they’re all just sheep chasing the same uniqueness.

So when K has his world shattered and is presented with this choice to cobble that dream back together, he realizes it is a choice of one form of slavery or another. This moment in the story is framed by the two most important moments of the entire movie - K asking Deckard if the dog is real with Deckard responding “I don’t know, ask him,” and then seeing the pink Joi on the bridge. These two moments underpin the ENTIRE movie in my opinion and are the most profound moments of change in K as a character. The “Ask him” line plants the seed, and the bridge scene is where it bursts from the ground. This is where he finds his humanity. It’s not found in what others say, he needs no external validation. No one can make him human, no one can decide his identity, in the absence of his dreams he is left with only one realization - he is the one who gets to decide what he is, and his actions in life are all that matter.

When he sees the pink Joi, he realizes that his dream of being special was not just a facade, but that his entire love for Joi was misguided. He wasn’t in love with her, he was in love with the idea of her. He was in love with the idea of being special, and he thought she was special too. Seeing her naked, nothing more than commodified, electric sex, as big as a god for all the world to worship and fawn over, there was not one part of it that was genuine, not one element real. In the end he really was just all alone and docile, subservient to fantasy and the outside world. In this moment he realizes what is important and what defines him, and he chooses to defy everyone else and save Deckard.

And in saving Deckard, he finally realizes what it is to be human. It’s not to be special, it’s not to be fawned over, it’s just the choice. Your biology doesn’t matter, where you came from doesn’t matter, it doesn’t even matter what’s on the inside or outside. What defines a human is what one decides to do, and in that moment he reached out in empathy to save a life at no benefit to him. He made the human choice, the choice that mattered most. He fully validated himself as human, not to the world but to himself, and in doing so left behind a man who would remember him when the rest of the world forgot.

Luv is the mirror of K, in that she fully commits to the identity handed to her. She doesn’t even question it, even as she stands stricken in fear as Wallace kills the newborn. She’s terrified in that moment, and she is fully a slave, paralyzed by the control of Wallace. Wallace is Luv’s version of Joi, he is the personification of her desire to be special as well. He tells her she is “The best angel,” and she repeats that she’s “The best one” at the end. She fully embraces the identity handed to her and never makes a real decision because she accepts the lie of being special, and is ultimately drowned in the ocean, forgotten, with no one to remember.

Wallace and Joi occupy the same role on opposite sides, as do the LAPD and the Resistance. They are mere plot devices to further K’s story, they’re not integral at all on a basic plot-level, but are profound nonetheless. Joi/Wallace are K and Luv’s respective internal dreams, while the LAPD/Resistance is K’s dueling external pressures to shape his identity, whereas Luv only has Wallace to form her sense of identity.

In both films I feel like Deckard is less a character and more of a mirror to Roy and K, and the vehicle through which they find their sense of humanity. His scene with Wallace also reaffirmed that it truly does not matter who is a replicant or not. The conversation was not literally about whether Deckard was a replicant, but whether it mattered or not. Was it love or programming? What is ultimately the difference, if love is just a chemical reaction? Is man a product of programming, or something higher like a soul? Love is the driving force for Deckard, but this could just be programming. If so, he is not really different from a replicant but ultimately that does not even remotely matter. I think Luv also serves as the lynchpin to this conversation as well, since phonetically she shares the same name and follows her programming, she obeys both by code and by emotion. The two are the same thing, but ultimately this does not matter, because again the only thing that truly matters is one’s actions.

By this, we can see that K and Luv both followed their emotions, and thus biological programming, yet Luv’s choices were influenced by conformity out of fear whereas K acted outside of that. Truly then both are as human as human can be, but not moreso. There cannot be something more human than human, it is just a dream to aspire to yet never achieve. One must acknowledge that it will never be achieved and there is beauty in being average. It is okay to not be special, to not save the world, but you can save yourself.

Overall I think 2049 is a more profound movie than the original. It asks different questions and examines different yet similar themes. It is so damn thematically rich, and the clues are baked deep into every pore of this movie, from the visuals to the audio to the acting to the writing. It all runs deep and creates one hell of a poignant cacophony by the end. I think the “Tears in Rain” monologue is still my favorite individual moment between the two movies, it can’t really be topped, but I think on the whole 2049 is far more resonant, important, and timely. Just as the original was a reflection of contemporary society, so too is 2049. It is aimed at the millennial malaise, the dream of being special. It’s why we buy into K’s dreams so hard only for the rug to be yanked so violently from under us alongside him. We all share that dream, we’ve all been coddled and told we’re special, but we’re not, and that’s okay. It hit me right in the gut because I identified with K so much. He made me feel like it’s okay to just be me, because I’m not that special, I’m not the hero, the promised one, the chosen one, the leader of armies, the savior of a species. I’m unremarkable, but what I can choose to do with that is what I’ll be remembered by.

As he laid dying in the snow, and “Tears in Rain” began playing I was just wholly overwhelmed with so many emotions. I think it was a flawless and fitting end to a truly remarkable movie and I’m so grateful I got to witness it in theaters. It came at the exact right time in my life that it just moved me to tears by the end. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t have to be. With two viewings and some time to let it all sink in, I think it was one of the most beautiful and poetic movies I have ever seen. I think it legitimately trumps the original in regards to its narrative, character, and thematic exploration (and the visuals holy CRAP what a jaw droppingly beautiful movie) and it’s certainly a more impactful movie to me as a result. Time might tell whether it holds up, but to me it is nothing short of an elegant masterpiece.

Truth - Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader

Summary: The reader and Lin are as close as two friends can be. One night, a bit of jealousy leads to spilled feelings. 

Warnings: Multiple swear words, yikes! 

Word Count: 2,240 (so sorry)

A/N: This is both my first Lin fic, and first fic to be posted on Tumblr. Let’s give it a whirl! I take requests, just send in an ask! Also, a huge thank you to @ourforgottenboleros for proof reading this, and I absolutely have to credit this sudden writing inspiration to @manuelmiranduh and @alexanderhamllton who are both wonderful geniuses in their own. Thank you for making me want to do this.

askbox | masterlist 


It’s during Yorktown that you notice. Lin is looking at you with the stupidest, dorkiest (and cutest but nothing would ever get you to admit it) grin on his face before he almost misses his cue and continues to sing. You re-focus and make your priority continuing the show, but for the rest of the evening, between sweating on and off-stage and listening to the roar of the crowd, the complete adoration on his face is planted in your mind like a bad idea; stubbornly stuck with no hope of being forgotten. After bowing your way through the lasting applause, you slip into the wings, smiling and giving and receiving compliments on a job well done before collapsing into a chair and beginning to undress. Your whole body is sticky with sweat, your mic has slipped considerably but the amount of endorphins in your body make you feel invincible. It’s when you have your shirt almost completely struggled over your head when Lin bursts in with a cloud of excited words. 

“God, tonight was awesome! You did really-“ 

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Arrow 6x01 “Fallout” Review: A Plague of Birds

Well, we are actually in season 6 people. It’s a bit hard to believe because I wasn’t sure we’d survive season 5. The viewers were the real victims of s5 not the people on the island. Tragic but true. No one suffered the way that we did. It’s kind of hard for me to process that I joined this fandom three years ago and started writing reviews at the end of the season. 

In general the episode was okay. It certainly wasn’t as bad as last year’s premiere—but again the bar was low. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have some notes for improvement. I gots me a list of likes and dislikes.

Promo Bull

I would formally like to say that the promotions team on this show absolutely sucks at their job. We spent all hiatus under this “Who Lived Who Died” secrecy which meant that they couldn’t talk about characters. Except for those confirmed who I don’t care about—Birds. 

I do not like the Birds. Any of the Birds. And trust me I have plenty of feathers to pluck about the birds but that’ll be later on. 

Then we had Oliver and William. I do not like William. I know he’s a kid but I cannot hold back any longer—I cannot care about William not just because the writing hasn’t been there. I actually hate that they picked this actor. I don’t know why they couldn’t have recast. They’ve done it before with Sara. This kid is just bad. That’s the long and the short of it. I’ve seen more emoting from a dried up pen than this kid. The writing also doesn’t help him, I will admit. But there are some talented kid actors out there. You just couldn’t tell based on Arrow. I hope that if he intends to pursue this seriously as a career that he takes some lessons. Maybe in time he’ll get better; it’s also hard because the writers haven’t given him much to work with.

But Birds and William are the only thing they have been promoting during the hiatus because everything else was a “mystery.”

So imagine my utter frustration when in the first five minutes it’s confirmed that OTA survived. If they were going to do that big reveal that early I see absolutely no reason why they couldn’t have been included in the promos for the season. And the entire cliffhanger from last season was a stupid, stupid idea to begin with because there was zero tension about who lived or died in the finale and they failed to cash in on it during promos or the premiere. It was ignored.

They completely erased that cliffhanger in this episode—and not by resolving it but by just pretending it didn’t happen. Lazy.  

Lance Family 

Look, I like Lance. I think that Paul Blackthorne is one heck of an actor. And he does trauma like it’s nobody’s business. But I’m over it. We are literally back where we were almost every single season—last season especially—with this character. His struggle with sobriety. His agony over one or both of his daughters.

What makes me so freaking done with this is because it’s about Black Siren. Quentin says she is his daughter—doppelgänger be damned. 

Look, Q, if Earth 2 Lance could pop up I bet he’d argue with you over who gets paternal rights. (Or maybe not. Maybe he’d give her away. Can’t blame him.) 

I hate this doppelgänger bull crap on this show. Even worse that they did it with Laurel because frankly this is the third—yes third—version of Laurel on this show and I’m so done with it I’m a deep fried Thanksgiving Turkey that caught on fire. 

Sad to say but at this point, I kinda wish Lance had died on the island. And it would honestly free Paul up from this ridiculous monotony. All he does is drink, struggle not to drink, and cry over his daughters and his guilt about said dead daughters. Wash, rinse, repeat. 

A Plague of Birds 

I did not start to watch this show so that I could earn a degree in ornithology. I feel like I’m going to get an honorary one anyway. I also feel like surviving this nightmare should get me automatic sainthood or a really cool corner in heaven. A new car. Debt free. Something. 

Black Sewage (Thanks Twitter for this gem over hiatus)

Okay so she’s terrible still. And I don’t mean like evil. I mean, she’s truly horrendous. They’ve somehow managed to give Katie a chance to showcase her entire lack of acting skill. 

All she did was strut around with this stupid smirk on her face. Though there was no arm crossing so I don’t know if that’s an improvement or not. She looked so ridiculous that I was embarrassed for her because you know she thinks she looks good doing this. 

“Bad/Evil Laurel”—as she was referred to in the episode and further proof that they really have too many Laurels that they have to differentiate this way—even understands that Quentin is not her father. I’m not saying that there wouldn’t be some kind of pull towards each other—they do wear the faces of each other’s loved ones. But I’m so sick of this show confusing the issue here. It’s not helping the boys of Rattit either.

Anyway, if this is their idea of a villain they have some studying to do. Black Siren is not a villain. She’s the sidekick of villains. 

Black Carnage

So I’m about to go off. And some of you may not like it. But I don’t care. It needs to be said. This part of the review is the only reason I felt compelled to write one to begin with.

I hated this bitch in this episode. She walked around with a goddamn chip on her shoulder and a holier-than-thou attitude and I wanted to take her staff and beat her to death it. 

First of all, who is she to make the decision to lie to the captains of Team Arrow? She’s a lackey just as much as her squawking counterpart. She is not a leader despite her delusions of grandeur otherwise in 6x01. Also, the judgement in her tone when she said that she told Quentin to lie about Black Siren being dead so he wouldn’t have to tell them the truth—as if she expected them to judge him harshly for shooting Black Siren—miss me with that. 

She’s Team B at best and this attitude change in her was not becoming. Last season I wasn’t a fan of her but I could pretend she wasn’t there; I could just ignore her in her scenes and I was fine. Bitter but fine. 

I straight up wanted to do physical damage to this broad this time. I thought she acted like an asshole. When Felicity and Curtis were talking on the comms and she said, “How about we focus?” Like she was scolding children? To talk to my daughter that way?! 

She does not get to act like she is in charge or give orders or take the comm control from anyone who is Felicity, Diggle or Oliver. Take all the seats Pigeon Head.

Before I mentioned that there are too many versions of Laurel on this show and Dinah is one of them. They gave her the same name Dinah; the same power; and now she is the one that Lance leans on in his struggle for sobriety. They are literally turning her into another Laurel Lance across the board. She can be the third Lance sister absolutely no one asked for.

And here is where I’m about to make some of you uncomfortable. 

Remember in season 2 and Caity joined as Sara? People weren’t thrilled with the way it felt like she was taking over the team and splitting up OTA. People very much wanted her to stay in her lane because this was Team Arrow and not Team Canary. She touched Felicity’s computer and it was a violation. I’m not even talking about the ‘ship issues of Oliver and Sara being together and not Olicity. Not the issue.

Yet here Dinah is and she’s taking control. She’s scolding Felicity. And now there is this creepy ass shit they are starting with her and Diggle. I have zero idea why they did those two scenes the way they did. It was uncomfortable. It needs to end right TF now.

My Diggle does not cheat. So if they are going to push this Black Canary/Spartan thing on us that means that they’ll have to kill Lyla off and I am going to be a infuriated. Because they did it for no other reason than to open this door; and now we have another child whose mother was killed just to make a story possible this season. 

However, if they don’t kill Lyla off and they don’t pursue this Black Canary/Spartan thing, I’m still uncomfortable with these scenes. Because his best friends aren’t the ones confronting John and trying to help him with whatever he is going through. Felicity might not be able to know but Oliver could certainly tell about the missed shots or the no shots taken; but Felicity would absolutely have been the one to ask John if there was something going on with him. 

Dinah took away moments that otherwise would have belonged to my OTA. In case anyone forgot I am a very pro OTA blog—that means I love the whole and the parts equally. This is not just for show like some haters claim Olicity fans do. I have been missing Delicity scenes something fierce and I want those back. 

Remember when Laurel comforted John and people said it wasn’t her place? That it didn’t make any sense because they barely knew each other? Remember when people didn’t like Diggle being sidelined for Laurel’s Black Canary arc in season 3? Remember when they didn’t like it when it seemed like Laurel was trying to take over the team? 

This is my issue. People who cheer for Dinah Drake. People who stan this character who hasn’t done a damn thing worth stanning yet. People who praise her or excuse her behavior or pretend the things she’s doing are not the same things they dragged Sara/Caity and Laurel/Katie for before. 


This gif is rather fitting so I’mma let Laurel take it for once: 

Begin as you mean to proceed and if that is the case than I am not going to like Dinah this season at all. We are gonna have problems. And I will take her feathered ass to task each and every time I see fit. I did it with the other canaries—Laurel, Sara, Evelyn—and I’ll do it with this one too. 

Felicity 

Not a ton of Felicity in this episode. She did look stunning—and her hair and makeup during the graduation was simply breathtaking. 

But in terms of a storyline, we got zero seeds for Felicity yet. But we did with Diggle. Any experienced viewer knows that those two are often a trade-off scenario (stupidly). I was annoyed, but not terribly so, that there wasn’t much for Felicity in this episode. With a cast this (unnecessarily) large, they have to stagger out how they focus on characters. Naturally, I’m always going to want Felicity, Diggle and Oliver to be up front and center. But as a writer thinking pragmatically I know it can’t be done now with this many characters. Though I do long for seasons 1-2 for that feeling—though, Felicity didn’t get much story back then either.

Also, I know from experience that the writers rarely let the Big Three have parallel running arcs. If there was something strongly Diggle, Felicity tended to go into the background. Vice versa. That’s just how these writers work. I’m not sure how long they will be taking on Diggle’s storyline. I’m willing to give them a few episodes for Felicity. But I expect to see something by 6x07. Because 6x08 is the crossover and then you have the mid-season finale. 6x09 by the absolute latest. They wasted Felicity—a genius with an IQ of 170 and degrees from MIT—last year by giving her absolutely nothing to do outside of being in the lair and Billy Goat. And Billy Goat wasn’t even about her; he was really there for Oliver. 

They’ve always struggled to give her agency. And frankly, the scene where she was revealed to have lived by arriving at the Bunker with Big Belly Burger for the guys—it was a tad reminiscent of season 2 when she refused to get Oliver his coffee because she wasn’t really a secretary. I don’t want her only job to be the Bunker Mother Hen. She’s brilliant; let that shine. 

I want Smoak Enterprises. Maybe that won’t come until towards the end of the season. But she better get some storylines—like with Michael Emerson’s character, who I think we all assume is the one she freed for Alena (the name escapes me right now). At least give her a foil to fight against. But her brilliance better take center stage. Felicity had a revelation in season 4 and they’ve slept on it—she wants to do good in this world not just as a vigilante but as a regular person. That was her goal with Palmer Tech. 

Anyway, I’m hoping that when Felicity’s Island Flashback reveal happens is when we will get more of her. We were spoiled for Smoak Enterprises and they better not fail us on that.

Though the reveal of her being alive by carrying in Big Belly Burger was lame. They were clearly playing at Curtis being the “smart friend” because Felicity was MIA—possibly because she was dead. They did that just to reveal her one minute later. Weak. They could’ve just had her on the comms because the reason why she wasn’t was just pathetic: Her mother was in Star City—for reasons not explored—and Felicity had to push her on the plane. And then she showed up with food. I hope next week has more Felicity.

Olicity 

I liked the way they handled Olicity in this episode. It makes sense that Felicity would be cautious about pushing into the William and Oliver dynamic right now. Not because she doesn’t like William (I wouldn’t blame her though) but because it’s obvious that Oliver is struggling to connect with his son. I think it’s obvious that Felicity cares about William because she thought of him while ordering food so he and Oliver could maybe bond over burgers. She’s trying while not trying to interject herself into a situation that seems so tenuous right now. As annoying as William is, he is dealing with a trauma of watching an island explode that killed his mother. His nightmares and standoffishness are even understandable—though the finger pointing thing was still odd. (So is the Flash backpack.) 

I think Felicity is trying to be respectful and not make it seem like she’s there to replace Samantha. But I do like that Oliver is eager to start to include her. It’s a welcome change from lying and keeping her out of the loop in s4. But I also appreciate that he’s respectful of her hesitancy. I also very much appreciated that Oliver said he would love to talk to Felicity about what’s going on but right now they had to focus on something else instead. It felt implied that he would talk with her once the emergency was taken care of.

The fact that Oliver was going to call Felicity at the end—I liked that. I got the feeling that Oliver and Felicity are communicating a lot better and much more frequently. That was one of the biggest missteps in s5, so I’m glad to see that rectified. Or seemingly so. 

No kissing or anything. But I hope we get that next week. Especially if they are reunited on the island. I need a big reunion moment. Especially when he finds her alive just after finding his sister and believing her dead. 

Also, I think Oliver and Felicity are living in the same building. Just a feeling I had based on the new apartment. I think it was the balcony that made me feel that way. 

Oliver 

They’ve matured Oliver this season. He has both self-awareness and awareness of other people. I don’t know why they decided to stunt this progress before now but it is what it is. It’s here now; at least until they take it away (again). 

I liked how they acknowledged that he still takes on other people’s sins and guilt but it also doesn’t stop him from moving forward. He doesn’t get mired in it. He’s always going to feel a sense of responsibility. It’s what happens when you are a leader. But he doesn’t seem to be punishing himself for other people’s choices. Old Oliver would have berated himself for Quentin lying about Black Siren being dead or for him having to shoot her. 

Other than the final scene with William, I have to say that Oliver as a father was underwhelming. He didn’t appear to be doing much in the way of parenting. Not that I’m eager to see it; but if Oliver as a father is supposed to be a big headliner for this season, he’s under performing in my opinion. That seemed to be falling to Raisa. Gotta wonder what they told her regarding the death of Samantha. But I will say that the final Oliver and William scene wasn’t a bad one. That moment felt more paternal on Oliver’s part than anything else he’s done. That’s parenthood—being there for your kid even when they don’t appreciate it; don’t like you; etc. 

The only way out is through and Oliver is not quitting on his son. Robert didn’t quit on Oliver; it’s why he died so that his son could live. I have been very vocal about my displeasure in this storyline but if they have more moments like that one, it’ll be easier to believe Oliver actually loves MySon.

John

Clearly he was wounded severely by the explosions. It’s messing with his ability to do his job as Spartan. I just can’t tell if they are going in a psychological angle, a physiological one or a combo of the two. He has that nasty scar on his chest below his shoulder. There is possibly nerve damage causing him to tremble. Psychological reasons could absolutely explain his struggles too. 

I hope that for once the show allows a PTSD storyline to be given focus. And I’d appreciate a storyline for Digg that didn’t end up with him in a jail cell. 

But I am not game to see any bonding between Diggle and Feathers.  

Thea

Sigh. Once again Thea is in a coma. Seemingly irreversible at this point.  She appeared dead in that scene where Oliver found her. His reaction by the way was so heartbreaking. I’ve always loved the way that Oliver has loved his sister. If only the writers loved her the same way.

If Thea ends up dying I want it to be known that I will hold the idiot Samantha responsible. She’s the nitwit that ran into the explosions, which for reasons, Thea felt compelled to stop her. Samantha’s stupidity killed her and possibly Thea. Sadly that stupidity survived because William takes right after her. 

I don’t have any idea what the future truly holds for Thea but none of my theories hold any promise for those that like the character.

I wanted more Thea and Felicity scenes. The writers have slighted me. Again. Assholes.

Slade

I’m just going to pretend that whole hospital scene didn’t happen. Okay? It was ridiculous. 

The Reveal

We all knew it was coming. I’m not thrilled about it. I actually think unmasking the hero to the city is a crappy idea. Especially before the series finale.  But whatever. 

Random Thoughts

1.       The last time that I felt excited for the end of hiatus was season 4. It’s been a long two years since then. This hiatus didn’t bug me (PR aside) or drag on either. Of course I had plenty of real life stuff to keep me busy. But the fail on the cliffhanger is irritating. For that waste, they should be forced to do a walk of shame.

2.       I am so not used to waiting until 9pm to watch Arrow. That extra wait better be worth it. Hint: Give me lots and lots of nekkid Olicity. Thank you.

3.       Everyone appears to have a new suit now.

4.       I hate that Samantha was killed—awful as she was—just to force Oliver the Dad on us. I was kind of hoping that she’d live and they could keep William off screen as much as possible. Also it’s just another disposable woman in Arrow’s history. Gross.

5.       I fully expect to see Oliver show up on Felicity’s doorstep with Big Belly Burger. It’s a must. I think that they live in the same building and kind of meet up at night after he’s asleep.

6.       Another Dinah thing that bugged me and was so ridiculous—they made her lieutenant?! She was an officer last year. There’s a grade in the middle asswipes, Detective. And they didn’t even have her paired with a Detective as a partner last year as a training thing.

7.       Dinah gets to be a magical Lieutenant so I best be seeing some returns on Felicity’s genius ASAP. Otherwise BULLSHIT.

8.       The villain of the week thing this episode was weak. I still don’t even understand what the whole point was except just to blow things up.

9.       So Rene is now Chief of Staff? They really be giving that job to anybody. I find it so hard to believe that they had no one else remotely qualified for that position on staff.

10.   Though, Rene wasn’t nearly as annoying in this episode as he has been in the past. For one, he seems truly genuine about his daughter this time around. They made it seem like he hadn’t just walked away from her again after the island but just couldn’t get past roadblocks for a new hearing. This was an improvement over his complete abandonment last year.

11.   The Rene and Oliver hug was so awkward. LOL. I liked how Oliver played it.

12.   Exactly no one was shocked by Quentin’s reveal that he killed Siren to save Dinah.

13.   I hate this entire Bird-Off Premise. I wish they’d kill themselves and rid me of a headache.

14.   Buddy, Kiddo, MySon…are we even sure that Oliver knows his son’s name? I mean, I know I like to pretend the kid doesn’t exist but it’s a little awkward coming from his father.

15.   That was a very lame, anti-climactic death of Samantha. Also two years ago, she didn’t want Oliver’s influence on her son and now she wants him to raise him. Based on what exactly?!

16.   Once again the Arrow Bunker is broken into and destroyed. This is such an embarrassing cliché. Seriously, it’s an underground bunker—how does it have such crappy security? Team Flash’s headquarters is a big building in the middle of the city and it doesn’t get broken into nearly as much.

17.   Regarding that stupid Slade scene: Please God can we not go back to that awful “A man cannot live by two names” nonsense? We’ve been there, done that. Over it. Also, Slade is not living a double life so he’s full of hot air.

18.   How the hell is Slade walking around a city that he terrorized a few years ago?

19.   Once again we opened up with Oliver not running. I’m not sure that’s a good thing or not. It wasn’t for last season.

20.   And Bamford’s directing still requires improving.

A/N: Anyway, I know I made a comment at the end of my last season five review that the future of these were up in the air. They still kind of are. I appreciate those that reached out and said they liked my reviews and hoped I continued. But the fact remains my real life is pretty busy and I’m still dealing with health issues and family issues.

So here’s my plan thus: if I can do a review for an episode, I will. But I’m not making a promise to do each episode like I did last year because sometimes it was truly painful to get through them because the episodes were so bad. I’m hoping that s6 is better than s5–the bar is set pretty low so it should be possible. Some may be a lot shorter than normal. I’m winging it this year. Also, I’m cutting out gifs if I can. That was a huge time consuming project. Reaction gifs will likely still be here, because, duh. Lol.

@scu11y22 @boo-shaka @olicity-arrow-s36 @u-r-notdonefighting @fullychippedcreation@kmart1885 @red-devilkin @mochababychristy @onceuponarrow @myfuturequeen-reblogs@juliesioux @flailykermit @taurusclh @chlolicity @glennyb @punchdrunkdoc @screamlikeacanary @musinginga @dontmockmyawkwardness @queenaeron @geniewithwifi@iheartarrow @elenajones23 @arrowiefan @dipfender @pjcmfalcon @pimsiepim  @almondblossomme

re: themes of suicide

i just thought i should clarify some things because this is an intensely sensitive subject and i want you all to know i take it very seriously in real life, in my story, everywhere. especially in light of recent events on here, i think it’s important to lay out my feelings with this issue, especially when they can get misconstrued with anon messages, etc. more than anything i don’t want any of you to get the wrong impression of me.

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12x14 The Raid

Aubrey’s Challenge: Write a fic about each episode in season 12.

Word Count: 1885

Version en Español  –  PREVIOUS EPISODE

Originally posted by jensen-jay

“I have sort of… been working with the British Men of Letters.”

Mary’s declaration gave Sam and Dean pause, but it absolutely knocked all of the breath from your lungs. She was working with those monsters?

“You, um… what?” You were sure Sam was having flashbacks to the time he spent with Toni, and the torture he endured. But no one knew about the similar flashbacks you were having. No one in this room knew about the time you spent over seas.

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kara-knuckles  asked:

(1/2)I really like what P5 did with Futaba's Palace and Shadow. It is very important to understand that people aren't always in control of themselves and it is not their fault they aren't. I think Futaba has PTSD or a similar disorder that affects her perception, as such, her Palace isn't a manifestation of some delusion of grandeur but a result of a trauma. Her Shadow isn't hostile, I think the spikes and such are representation of Futaba's defense mechanisms being triggered involuntarily.

(2/2)Finally, her Shadow shows that not only bad things are repressed. Futaba WANTS to know/accept the truth (and thus she wants to accept her Shadow), she just can’t in her state of mind. So her Shadow urging her to accept it, instead of going berserk ala P4, makes perfect sense. I can even argue that it tried to help the Thieves, since it was actually in her interest to help the real Futaba.

I *do* think Shadow Futaba’s attempts to kill the party are more than just a defense mechanism. After all, while you are right and she does contain a lot of “Shadow Gold” as Jung called it (hence the gold on her design, much like the gold on Teddie’s and Metis’ designs), she still also contains Futaba’s suicidal urges as well, seeing how she outright speaks about them. That’s because Shadows do not need to make sense within themselves; they’re not based on logic, but random collections of inferior mental functions.

Shadow Futaba is one of the most interesting Shadows seen so far, I totally agree with that! She wants Futaba to die, but she also wants her to be saved and live. She wants to stop the party from helping her, but she also wants them to help her. That perfectly illustrates what you said about Futaba being not in control of herself. Even within her unconscious, two very different mindsets are in conflict, since Futaba does not know what she actually believes. The things she’s been forced to believe and those she actually does believe are constantly in conflict, fighting. You partially *can* see that with Shadows in P4 as well (especially when they’re accepted and agree with the reinterpretation of the feelings they contain given by the host), but it’s never been as strong as with Futaba before. 

I mean, there’s no question she has PTSD. She saw her mother first mentally degrade into Apathy Syndrome, then die by stumbling into a road. I mean, Futaba already had problems even before that. I think a solid case could be made for her being somewhere on the autistic spectrum (however, while I am on the spectrum myself, I am NOT a doctor, so I am not about to diagnose a friggin’ fictional character), at very least, she always had issues with not fitting in socially due to how her mind works. The PTSD was the straw that broke the camels back, really, and what gave her Hikkikomori Syndrome (I’m not sure if it’s directly addressed in the English version, but in the Japanese, she’s confirmed to have it.) Hence, her situation is pretty complex. She already thought the world hated her beforehand, so it must have been pretty easy for the government agents to make Futaba believe that her mother hated her, too. The groundwork was, unfortunately, already there, right within her Shadow. However, Futaba is also incredibly self-aware and bright, so the truth was always right there, in her mind, too, and it became part of her Shadow because Futaba became unable to tell what’s real and what’s not.

I agree, Futaba’s Shadow not going berserk makes perfect sense, however, there also was a chance it might have gone. It was 50/50. It all depended on how Futaba interacted with it. Had she triggered the side of it that contained her desire to die and then rejected it, it would have transformed, just like the Shadows in P4. However, Futaba remained focused on her goal, focused on the truth, focused on what she really needed, and finally broke through the illusions, all without needing to have  them run berserk…. Probably because they already kinda ran berserk all the time, in the form of the fake Wakaba her mind created. 

Futaba’s Shadow is a wonderful example of how complex and contradictory Shadows can be within themselves, and I think it’s one of the best things about Persona 5 in general. 

anonymous asked:

I need your opinion on 'the mad queen'. It's not an exclusive title & we can have multiple, yes BUT one thing that grinds my gears (other than using cersei to validate Ds wrong doings) is when they refer to cersei exclusively as the mad queen. 'Mad' presumes a crazed mental state. While cersei is horrible, she is also lucid & calculating in comparison to Ds quickshot-temper, unpredictability, paranoia & horrific cruelty in burning people under the guise of delusional heroism... thoughts?

I def agree that a narrative can have more than one mad queen.

In my opinion Dany has potential to be a mad queen. I consider Cersei an Evil Queen along the line is the evil queens from fairytales.

When I think of mad queens I think of it almost like a mental illness. Not to say people with mental illnesses are “mad” but basically it’s this deep psychological thing that produces certain behaviors. It’s a mixture of extreme narcissism, delusions of grandeur, obsessive behavior and uncontrollable impulses. Aerys wanted to burn the whole city down and thought he would be reborn as a dragon. Another targ killed himself by drinking wildfire because he thought it would transform him into a dragon. Before Viserys died he used was cruel, delusional, and would constantly refer to “the dragon” another angrier part of himself. Madness is basically a disease that overtakes you eventually. Dany shows subtle signs of the same obsessive, impulsive, and delusional behavior even if she hasn’t descended into madness. IMO based on what we know about rhaegar I think he would have eventually went mad as well had he loved. I think his obsession with prophecy would have driven him there eventually.

I don’t think Cersei falls into this category at all even tho she does have some extreme narcissism going on, which is why I don’t really see her as a mad queen. Cersei isn’t impulsive, she’s actually the opposite she’s very calculating. She thinks very rationally. Even when she blew up the sept that wasn’t a rash decision. It was a very deliberate and calculated action to avoid her sentence and kill her enemies. Cersei isn’t insane IMO that’s why I prefer to call Cersei the Evil queen. She’s not mad she’s evil and ruthless AF. Ceresi doesn’t terrorize her subjects constantly, she doesn’t subject them to insane acts of cruelty on the regular. She has plenty control of her actions and her decisions. Cersei can still be reasoned with. Joffrey was mad IMO which is why he constantly threw rationality to the wind and just did what the hell he wanted to do. He got pleasure from torture and pain just for the hell of it. He took Ned’s head just for the hell of it despite how stupid the move was. He was impulsive AF and had to be kept on a leash my his mother, uncle, and grandfather constantly. Cersei isn’t like Joffrey IMO. She’s unpredictable but she’s pragmatic and rational, two things that Joffrey was not, two things Dany struggles with at times.

Evil people don’t have to be mad as well. They can just be cold blooded ain’t shit people which is exactly what Cersei is. She’s ruthless and cold hearted, both of which can exist in a person without them being insane.

Dany on the other hand isn’t evil at all even if she had a proclivity for madness. She has a decent heart which Cersei lacks. That’s the true difference between her and Cersei. If Dany does turn dark for real she will go mad and slip into insanity while Cersei will prolly die as an evil Bitch.

Business is business.

(warning: long story)

I joined the Navy when I was 18, ended up as a Corpsman in Iraq and Afghanistan, and, when I returned, found out that I was going to have to take classes to even become an EMT. F*ck that, right? So I did the next best thing: I got a degree in Economics. Now I see you there, grinning ear to ear. What an idiot, right? Well, it turned out pretty well for me. I picked up a job for 35k/yr as a business consultant for a smallish company in the area. Now, I’ll use a pseudonym for my boss’s name here, he’d be Jeff.

So I’m 25, fresh with a BA in Econ(studying with sandy pants ain’t fun), with a pretty decent job. Jeff and I seem to get along, the only problem is that he’s…a product on the 80s. Everything was about cutting corners and cutting costs as much as possible to stay stable in bad times. But this was around 2009, and my take on it was that it’d lead to businesses continuing to drop out. They cut costs, which cuts demand in the area, which further kills businesses, so we have to expand our areas further and further just to break even. And, you know, I’m okay with this, because where he’d offer his ‘expertise’ in business, I’d offer mine from an economics standpoint, and much of the time, my ideas ended up with better results.

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just a kiss on your lips (in the moonlight) 1/6

After months on the road in search for his future husband, Kurt Hummel has finally found somebody he can see himself spending the rest of his life with. The only problem? Blaine isn’t the one being presented to Kurt; it’s his older brother.

A love story told in stolen moments.

It’s still May 31st where I live for the next twenty or so minutes, so technically I am not posting late :P Here is the first part to my second contribution of the @prompt-a-klainefic Klaine Prompt Reverse Bang. This fic is based on an amazing cover by @datshitrandom which you can find here. Many thanks to the amazing artist, who made the incredible cover art for this story, and also put up with my asking a billion questions <3 Also, thanks again to teach for giving this story a look over! you’re a doll <3

Title comes from the Lady Antebellum song “Just a Kiss”

Chapter two will be up soon, when I’m not absolutely exhausted :)

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The evening air is cool against Kurt’s heated cheeks as he pushes himself through the door leading to the terrace. As soon as the door closes behind him, the music in the ballroom becomes muted, as though separated from him by more than a wall.

He wishes he could be separated further from the ballroom, but for now, this will do.

“Oh,” a voice says from further down the balcony, and Kurt turns to look at it. “Your Highness.”

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Alone Together

Chapter 1: And The World Keeps Turning

Rating: PG

Ship: Kidge/Pieth/Keidge, Pidge/Keith

Fic Summary:

It had been a long, exhausting year since the Paladins of Voltron had finally defeated Zarkon and brought a fragile peace to the universe. After the loss of Shiro, the team tries to move on, and the tension brings together Keith and Pidge in ways neither could have imagined.

Fic Notes:

Fic was written pre-season 3, and thus is now an AU that diverts from curren canon. I have, however, taken current canon into consideration and adjusted several details to be closer to what’s actually happening in the show.

I started writing this right after season two came out, but its a long fic and I didn’t get a chance to finish it before season three hit. But since I felt that season three was kinda anti-climactic, I decided to finish writing this as a way to get my ideas out and to give me something to do until season 4.

A03

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anonymous asked:

Whats your take on Cas' arc this season? Cause i don't get it..IMO 1st half was very strong w/ his continued arc about belonging, bonding with Mary etc. But then what happened? Why did his story change to be about religious faith, destiny wanting a world without free will ruled by a supernatural being, why is this this story now when that was relevant for years i mean, we had his FATHER/GOD last season then there was nothing on this theme cause its not his current story so what is this now

I don’t think his overall arc has changed from what it has always been about. He’s always been caught in a balance between Heaven and the Winchesters but “Heaven” is quite an abstract concept for Cas after a while. 

I watched 10x18 last night, and lemme be awful and quote Metatron to start off :P

CASTIEL
What we did back there was unfortunate. No more of our brothers and sisters should die.

METATRON
Brothers and sisters? Listen to you. Still spitting out the company line like anyone cares. Like we’re actually a family? When what we really are – are a bunch of glowing lights filled with self-loathing or delusions of grandeur. Or both.

CASTIEL
You shut up!

METATRON
No! If I’m gonna die, I want answers. Like, who are you now? Like, you’re obviously not an angel of the Lord. And what about all of this walking the earth like Caine from “Kung Fu” crap? Cleaning up Heaven’s messes. How many more rogue angels are there out there? And, what are you gonna do once you’re done with all that? Go back to Heaven? Please. The angel formerly known as Hannah has restored order up top. Smoothest it’s run since God cut the ribbon on the pearly gates. So tell me, Castiel, truly, what is your mission now?

CASTIEL
You shut up and keep looking. [Castiel walks away.]

Essentially, Cas has still been stuck here since 10x07 and Jack’s disrupted him majorly for the first time, but let’s backtrack…

So in season 4, Cas’s conflict is between Heaven and doing what’s he’s told, and listening to Dean and doing what he thinks is right. This conflict is introduced early on with 4x07, where Cas is supposed to follow Dean’s orders by order of Heaven, and Uriel is like fuck that I wanna smite this town just because, but Cas won’t let him. Cas’s conflict with orders turns to be hunted and in the end reprogrammed because he won’t do what he’s supposed to without coercion, showing us that orders (and Heaven) are bad and Cas wanting free will and to do the right thing and align with Dean is right. He does this at the end as his big damn hero moment.

In season 5, Cas’s conflict is more abstract. He wants to go fetch God as a replacement for the vague orders from Heaven which he no longer trusts, and basically the ultimate deferring to a higher power. Dean warily gives him the amulet to start his search, but the end of the search basically results in God telling Cas to naff off and think for himself. Rebuffed from having anyone to take orders from, Cas sulks around the Winchesters for the rest of the season, his faith in everything up to and including Dean shattered. He rebuilds this faith after Dean doesn’t say yes to Michael, and once again follows him to doing the right thing at the end. This whole conflict is overtly about Peace vs Freedom and Cas loses faith in Dean when he picks “Peace” and regains his loyalty to him when he picks “Freedom” - this is how Cas ends the season, pointing out Dean got what he wanted.

In season 6, Cas IS this higher power/Heaven/God/where the orders come from, but he steps into this role because he believes God appointed him the new sheriff in town. Raphael represents the old order/Heaven and wants to be God too. Cas struggles with this power, and maintaining Freedom, and appeals to God at the end when it’s all unravelling into the chaos that Freedom inevitably brings, and his downfall is played as because he doesn’t align with Dean and attempts to be the new order.

In the start of season 7 he acts as God, the higher power order, and eventually basically self-implodes from trying to maintain that. His high-minded ideals to force a sort of peace and happiness on the world are undermined from within by the leviathan, a dark chaotic presence. At the end of the season he falls into denial and running away from his issues, and he and Dean struggle to reconcile, as the main arc which allows the defeating of the leviathan. Heaven barely plays a role but they’re horrified by what he did/became if we take Hester as a representative of how the angels feel in general at their worst opinion of Cas, and he is nostalgically fond of them but doesn’t want anything to do with them and their attempts to restore order.

In season 8 Naomi once again brainwashes him onto their side, using that to get his cooperation to restore order and empower Heaven (and in general I assume she’s been using these tactics to overhaul and repair what she can) and it goes about as well for them as in season 4, when Cas goes chaotic on them, answering to the higher power of the tablet, aka directly from God, before Metatron derails him on the guilt trip to fix Heaven, which is a personal arc for Cas and the remains of his obligation to be an angel/work for Heaven. Once again Dean’s got the sense something is up with Cas all season, and though sometimes misguided about confronting him (grr 8x22) calls him out pretty consistently and generally represents the main character always right about everything pull he’s always done for Cas - Cas’s conflict is finally more obvious about being between Heaven and Dean because even after the crypt scene, he runs away serving the tablet and then is off on his mission with Metatron, giving Dean whiplash on what he’s doing which isn’t just being chill and like 8x08 Cas. (For the most part - 8x08 does have the one private conversation between them reveal Cas’s massive guilt). Edlund hands us back Cas at the end of 8x21 with for the first time since the end of season 6 and lasting until the end of season 12, an un-tampered-with sense of self to have character development and grow and change, in time for him to have things happen like becoming human to REALLY kick off Cas’s self-exploration and personal conflict.

Season 9 manages the conflict more cleanly - Cas is suuuuper guilty about the fall, so his motives are quite plain now. He has to sort out Heaven, struggles with not wanting to be a leader, but the angels all seeing him as a great war hero or important figure or despised but powerful and dangerous enemy, and Cas’s conflict is now getting laid out on screen - human or angel, leader or not… Obligation to repair Heaven and help the angels and his family is a strong motivator, and he does as much as he can for them until it crumbles at the end, and he ends up on a personal mission to save Dean which just follows in the PATH of his angel mission (e.g. he still has to go to Heaven and confront Metatron, but now it’s not because he’s doing it to overthrow him, he’s doing it to help Dean). Cas also is rejected from both angel and human families because of Gadreel asking Cas to leave, and so feeling rejected by Dean, the card is played that Cas falls back on trying to help the angels FIRST and losing out, leaving the Dean card un-played. There’s no peace or freedom imagery really, as it’s all a mad scrabble to sort Heaven out and the angels aren’t paying a great deal of attention to humans and their place in the natural order.

When we get to season 10, it’s a bit more reflective. Cas’s mission with Hannah is now interrupted with trying to save Dean, and there’s finally the reflection on what angels DO and what they’re FOR. Hannah goes back to heaven to preach the original mission, and Cas goes to help Claire after several threads combine to finally get him to remember and care about her. Hannah’s decision emphasises allowing humans free will by not possessing them, and respecting that and leaving them well alone and Heaven begins seriously withdrawing from the narrative. Heaven = meddling with free will, and historically has always wanted peace over freedom, enforcing mind control on it subjects (killing Naomi off, who’d “been in all our heads” was also a start of the angels in general having free will without any compromise so of course they freak out in season 9 :P) Cas is then on two complementary arcs of PERSONAL self-discovery, helping Claire (humanity, freedom, Cas’s guilt focused on a human instead of Heaven) and Dean (Cas’s faith and loyalty and family). He also takes a break to do a me-time episode which is 10x18 where Metatron lays down this challenge about who Cas is, pointing out in case the average viewer didn’t spot it, that Cas is really struggling to have a mission now, because he ALWAYS needs a mission. Being on call to help Sam with Dean or Claire with anything, splits his attention (10x10) but he’s determined to do his best for them (I love him so much). His conflict early in the season was where he wanted to be and what he wanted to be doing, Heaven or Earth, but Heaven tactically retreating (symbolically shown with Hannah, just in general narratively by playing no serious part in the story) but that choice is somewhat made for him by Heaven leaving and Hannah leaving him in the lurch to take Caroline home to her husband, and Cas picking up Earth-based quests to care for important humans. 

His personal story trickles out in season 10 after 10x20 does nice things for the Claire arc and his personal resolution there that he completes his mission in a sense… He spends the rest of the season helping Dean with just a bummer scene in 10x22 to enforce this is the lowest point and he’s being rejected AGAIN from being with Dean, and I would say Rowena’s curse really doesn’t count as interrupting his personhood because in season 11 when he’s not violently attacking, he has a crystal clear sense of who he is, so his conversations with Hannah and the angels in 11x02 and Dean and Sam in 11x03 are still from Cas, just with Rowena’s curse on top. In season 11 they play delay tactics - Cas’s depression is personal and to do with how hurt he’s been in general by everyone, he resolves personal crap with Metatron in 11x06 via punching him so more but doesn’t really have any more answers about who he wants to be and the choices he’s made, and in 11x10 his desire to help and need for a win lead to him being possessed, abruptly ending his role in the season as an active player and therefore giving him no real personal arc to struggle against.

Meanwhile God comes back and Lucifer in Cas gets to swing against the ultimate higher powers. There’s a sense that God can’t intervene because he’s a walking deus ex machina and takes away free will because as the Creator-author, intervening automatically is defining the story… He’s not a powerful ally, it’s literally his whim by which there is and isn’t free will… He told Cas to naff off in 5x16 because if he came to help, it’s no personal victory at all for his creations. (PS: obviously Chuck’s approach is terrible in many ways and the hands off parenting approach is directly paralleled to John, so… Not approving here lol) Amara represents obliteration of the Self, which she offers to Dean and accidentally nearly does to the universe. She treats this as a peace she can offer Dean, so Cas themes are playing out with the other characters and the universe is being re-shuffled a bit. Cas having no freedom turns into Cas being in a “peace” inside his head, watching TV and wanting no part of the fight. He chooses the same thing that in 5x18 he rejected Dean and withdrew his faith and loyalty for - possession by an archangel for the greater good. Yet another lowest point, and yet in 11x23 Dean doesn’t reject Cas for doing it, but says nice things about respecting his decisions etc. Dean firmly establishes that Cas is family to him, leaving it for Cas to accept. And these paragraphs are getting waaay too long as this becomes more relevant, sorry >.>

In season 12, Cas starts off struggling with being accepted into the family. It’s all right there for him to take, but the belonging arc mirrored with Mary, shows he still feels distant from being a part of the family, and that despite Dean’s words, he hasn’t quite had the acceptance he needs, despite all the rejection between him and Heaven one way and the other, and since season 9 his increased dislike and obligation and duty to help them, and their interest in him and activeness in the story dribbling to a stop. Dean has also seemed to reject him, but Cas has never turned away from HIM except reluctantly or being coerced somehow or because he was severely emotionally compromised with guilt or blackmail. When it comes to genuine choices like 8x17 or 9x22 he picks them, but when ASKED about it, can never answer and is interrupted or walks off every time. In this season’s case he has a similar guilt-obligation to season 8, 9, and the first half of 10, about letting Lucifer out, and so he goes to deal with that. Dealing with it leads directly to Sam and Dean being imprisoned, and an abrupt swap to Cas dealing with the family side of things - the obligation Cas feels is no longer strictly between HEAVEN and the Winchesters, but OBLIGATION and GUILT and the Winchesters, his past actions still causing a heaven-level mytharc nonsense but not really being about Heaven wanting him back or him really wanting to be with Heaven. He cuts those ties almost every time he’s confronted. 

So in a way let’s say his distraction to deal with Lucifer leads to Sam and Dean getting locked up and making the deal. He overcompensates to save them, and is thrust into a series of episodes dealing with his position in the family, where he finally gets to see Dean choosing him, and gets to tell them he loves them, and that he truly does consider them a family. In a way he now seems to have achieved something that’s been teased since maybe as far back as season 8 - 8x08 he wanted to join the family business - but definitely became a main conflict for Cas in season 9 (and I think season 12 picked up a LOT of dropped arcs that disappeared with the plot accordion of season 9, Mark of Cain onwards) 

But he still has the guilt-obligation to the Lucifer stuff and even knowing Lucifer is banished safely to the cage, the nephilim is an ongoing part of things Cas is responsible for, and so represents the same place in the narrative as other times Cas has been off doing Heaven things - obligation that takes him away from the family. In 12x19 we literally see that obligation laid out (Cas’s issue going back to 6x20 that he considers himself a guardian angel to the Winchesters, and though he says he’s not doing ANYTHING for Heaven and voices stuff that firmly suggests cut ties emotionally, from Cas’s side, which is HUGE, he will work with them in order to protect the Winchesters - so they don’t have to get involved. Same deal as season 6 - peace or freedom? He picks peace, by going behind the Winchesters’ backs and giving them no choice to help him, shouldering the burden like he’ll be going around behind their backs saving them as necessary, instead of integrating into the family and taking their problems as they come, which is what Dean does all episode. He’s lost the ability to wrangle Cas with loyalty and faith because their relationship is more equal and Cas hasn’t got all his faith invested in Dean, but having this hole in him that faith belongs to is a huge weakness/design flaw in angels, that they need it and go off the rails without it (see also: most angels we encounter after season 5 :P), so Jack, who he ALREADY has an obligation from guilt to deal with, derails Cas yet again BACK onto the obligation train to take him away from the Winchesters, this time using his faith AND his guardian angel need to protect and care for people traits to win over Cas’s absolute loyalty. And to do so, he shows Cas a vision of the Future which is essentially the same wording as the descriptions of paradise the angels fought for and Cas fought against, rejected Dean for accepting, fought again the next year, etc, so Cas’s new lowest point from 11x18 of a PERSONAL surrender to peace over freedom, is an external surrendering to peace over freedom. 

Essentially, 12x19 is fiendishly clever in twisting together every last thing that has defined Cas’s arcs, and mixing them all together. In the first third of the season we see Cas struggle and seemingly overcome one, in the second we see him struggle and seemingly overcome the next, and in the third part because he never truly balanced them, still picked obligation and missions that take him away from home and he’s shouldering a burden to resolve out of guilt that he caused it, or hesitance to join the family unit entirely but carried on treating them as if he was their guardian angel not their close family, these two things plus some other unresolved baggage ALL tie together and pile onto Cas. 

I don’t think it’s really all over the place when the season first established one, then the other, and then used them both to seriously affect Cas’s actions. I don’t think they’ve ever been telling different stories about him, just highlighting different aspects. When he was running off to hunt Lucifer with Crowley, the family stuff still hung around in the background. And when he was dealing with family stuff, he was still hunting the nephilim in the background. And when he was dealing with Heaven it wasn’t because he was mending ties with Heaven, he was protecting his family while dealing with his guilt-caused obligation to the nephilim while exploiting yet rejecting his complicated relationship with Heaven, and it all culminated in him failing a will save against the peace or freedom line that has been the main way to brainwash or control or derail Cas in many instances from Naomi’s forced programming to whatever the tablets did to him, to times like 8x23 where he runs off to fix heaven of his own free will but abandoning Dean in the process, or 10x03 where he walks out on Dean entirely because he’s weighed down with guilt and his fear of belonging. (And it gets more complicated and less epic and black and white each time.)

So, tl;dr I think these are ALL parts of who Cas is and what his conflict is, ALL THE TIME, and have been all the way through - some parts wane while others are waxing depending on the season, but in general they’re still pulling from the same source of character stuff, only with years and years and years of personal development and narrowing down Cas’s choices and trying to point him to what would make him happy and shave off the obligations bit by bit, so that he’s free to choose. And now he keeps ending up in the darkest place, but 12x19 and 12x23 were like a perfect storm of all the WORST bits of Cas’s arc, except that he wasn’t choosing to be an angel, and he did care for his family, just too abstract. And at the end, he died as an angel in a way. I don’t know how he’ll come back but I’m expecting it will not be magically poofing back graced up and a sort of ~regular~ Cas we haven’t seen since season 8, or wingless since 10x18. 

(And of course Metatron was asking that in the context of where Cas gets his grace back and is no longer living day to day about to die but again like at the end of 8x21, is confronted with full freedom and a life to live and choose what to do with it. His response is to go back to the bunker and eat pizza with his family, but that only lasts a day >.> Anyway I assume that’s a moment that’s going to be important when Cas comes back because these choices he’s been looping around were all set out for him more immediately and obviously than ever and all at once as well, so… I think it all works. Since season 9 it’s all essentially been these same challenges to Cas over and over, while Cas does various things that make you yell at the screen that no Cas that’s not what you want, or yelling encouragement that he’s maaaaybe nearly worked it out and is getting so much closer to what he wants. Sort of a game of hot or cold, or something… >.> And when it seems like he’s nearly found it, he veers back into cold territory…)

anonymous asked:

So I just read your story from start to finish, and it's 10/10, like one of the best simblr stories I've read. But the one question that's been nagging at me was-and this is gonna sound real awful but- why didn't Santi kill himself right after the crash? He was sure Molly was dead, and they were already planning to do it eventually, so what was stopping him? I mean, I'm glad he didn't, but at the time wouldn't that make the most sense to him?(idk maybe im just heartless and missed the point lol)

firstly THANK YOU omg you’re not heartless at all lmao, i actually really like this question, i get so excited when people ask me things like this ajhsdjhf. sooooo a lot happened after the crash that you guys don’t know about yet, but like…yeah, obviously he felt really really low, and you’ll see that. but to put it into perspective, he went missing for an entire week during his manic stint with molly so his parents had been looking for him and then the crash happened which kind of cemented all those fears for them, so needless to say they kinda kept him by their side for a while after that, kinda like suicide watch, but really they just wanted to keep him out of trouble. so he didn’t have much freedom but obviously he still ruminated on everything especially with it all being so fresh in his mind. 

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