i had been avoiding watching this ep because it makes me tear up completely

‘Let me count the ways’: All the ways JonSa could evolve in S.7 ep. 1 or 2

I shall but love thee better after death. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Until recently the possibility of anything happening physically between Jon and Sansa early in s.7 seemed remote. I really thought (still kinda do) that we will get them coming together in s.8 after Jon gets disillusioned by Dany. But based on a few posts, plot leaks I’ve tried to avoid, and actors comments, I’ve upped the potential for a f*ck plot in episode 1 or 2 to a solid 50/50. (Excuse my language I don’t know what else to call a f*ck plot but a f*ck plot.)

**SPOILERS**  maybe…

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6

No more fears, no more doubts.

If You Don't Know
5 Seconds of Summer
If You Don't Know

#91: If You Don’t Know - 5 Seconds of Summer

A/N:

This can also be referred to “Breakups”

This song is my all time favourite and one of the most unappreciated 5sos songs ever, and Michael was my fave x

Luke:

I want you to want me this way,

And I need you to need me to stay

If you say that you don’t feel a thing

If you don’t know, let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go

If you don’t know then just let me go

”I don’t uhm, understand.” Luke mumbled with his fingers pressed into his cheeks, his eyebrows furrowing as he glared at you sitting on the coffee table in front of him, watching you as you let out a smaller sigh. ”I knew you wouldn’t.” You said letting out the breath you were holding and looking up at him sympathetically. I wish you could though.” ”I just want us to be together.” He stated stubborn, crossing his arms and wanting an explanation from you. ”It’s not that easy for me, Luke!” You exclaimed, Luke’s eyes going wide. ”Then tell me why! I don’t want all of this to get ruined by some dumb shit!” You let out a sigh before rolling your eyes at him, loosening your arms from having them crossed before. ”You’ve changed. I’ve changed, you’ve grown and I’ve grown. I just don’t feel like this relationship is having any goal anymore. You’re away all the time, I have work to take care of and the house while you’re not here and I miss you Luke.” ”Don’t bring my career into this Y/N, I beg you.” Luke said through gritted teeth which made you roll your eyes. ”It’s your career that’s putting a stop sign to this Luke even if you won’t realize it yourself! It’s pulling us apart and that’s something we have to accept as human beings. I’m okay with it, I know you would prefer to have such a career like that than being with me.” ”Don’t see it like that.” Luke pleaded angry, rolling his eyes by you. ”You know how much I love you.” ”But sometimes, you don’t just show it that much. And I need love and caring as well. I’m not saying that you’re not doing your job as a boyfriend right.. We just don’t see each other anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I still have feelings for you Luke but they’re pushed away to satisfy my own needs. Sometimes you gotta let the person you love the most go, and today I think it’s you and me who have to suffer from that. ” ”No, Y/N, No. You can’t say things like that, you can’t decide things like that I’m not some kind of toy you can throw away and then find again after some months! I have feelings too you know and I’m 50% part of this relationship in case you hadn’t noticed!” ”Don’t take it like that Luke.” You pleaded, ”But I do Y/N! If you don’t know whether you have feelings for me or not, we shouldn’t be together again if you have to question that.” Your eyes went wide as this took a whole different turn, Luke standing up from the couch and looking down at you before grabbing his coat on the cushion. ”If you don’t know, then just let me go.” Those were the last words from him before he let out a sigh, heading towards your entrance of the house and opening the front door, disappearing out of the house and probably out of your life now. And what a mess it had caused.

Calum:

You would scream, we would fight, you would call me crazy

I would laugh, you were mad but you’d always kiss me

And the shirt that I had that you always borrowed

When I woke, it was gone

There was no tomorrow

A simple little forgettable discussion between you and Calum had turned into a mind-blowing fight with a mix of screaming, tears and afterwards raspy voices and invisible marks on your hearts. But you knew that this fight would happen at some point. Things weren’t great at the moment and you and Calum both knew that at one point, the fire would start and only one of you would survive this, if not none of you. The discussion had been going on forever that you couldn’t even remember how it all had started in the first place. But that was what you and Calum had been suffering from the past weeks, glaring at each other in annoyed ways, getting mad at each other for nothing and just simply tired of each other’s companies. But that was how relationships worked out at times, and of course there were only two ways for this, either you guys would work it out, or you would call it quits and leave each other. After the fight had ended and silence had felt over the two of you like a cloud in the room, you and Calum knew that this would change a hella lot of things. And to not make anything more badly than before, Calum chose to take a pillow and a blanket from the closet before he mumbled out a goodbye, leaving the room to crash the living room to sleep, you standing dazed and confused in the bedroom for 5 minutes after, just staring at the now shut door. Calum knew that he wouldn’t get much sleep that night, but he had to fight through it, if this would be one of your normal fights, things would turn great in the morning. But when Calum woke up dazed from his sleep at 8AM he could feel that the tension had changed and something was completely wrong. He headed up the stairs to your bedroom and slowly opening the door, but to his surprise and confuse, the window was open and the curtains were off, and there was no you in the bed. Calum opened the door fully with force, looking around in the room, noticing how only his stuff was left. This was way more serious than what he had expected, normally he could just kiss you after a fight and you guys would be okay again, but this was nothing alike. Calum looked down at the mattress and noticed his shirt folded and that was when he realized how serious this was. Normally, you would always sleep in his shirt no matter what because it always felt comforting and you felt protected even if he weren’t there. But now at this point in your relationship, he could conclude that was far from what you were feeling towards him now and he knew it was over. But how could he react to this, he understood your decision. Nobody wanted to hear this, but sometimes the person you want the most is the person you’re best without. But that didn’t mean Calum would be happy about it, it definitely crushed him hard even without realizing himself. Shutting the door again, he grabbed his coat from the entrance before heading out of the door and getting far away from your apartment as possible. He needed to get the thoughts away and it couldn’t happen too slowly for him.

Michael:

Tonight we’re fading fast

I just wanna make this last

If I could say the things that I want to say,

I’d find a way to make you stay

I’d never let you get away

Catch you in all the games we’ve played

 Michael’s head was resting against the doorframe to your – what now could be considered as his bedroom, watching as you had your last brown cate placed on your before shared bed, packing the last amount of stuff you had in your once shared room. “This was a shared decision” he kept on repeating in his head, yet his heart was screaming way other words. He didn’t want you to leave in any way – but he had to and it wasn’t fair. You guys had been high school lovers, had an on and off going relationship for the past 4 years, but now everything was all of the sudden over. The fights had stopped the screaming and the tears. There was nothing left from the both of you and there was no doubt that the relationship was done and dead now. But it was still an ongoing progress in Michael’s head but he couldn’t get himself to express his thoughts. Just as soon as he had agreed that you guys shouldn’t be together – living together – and being in a relationship, he had closed himself in his mind as a shut book. He couldn’t get any feelings out even though his heart was pounding and screaming for him to stop you but he just couldn’t. And your face expression was hard to read, normally he would recognize what was bothering you or if you were happy or sad, but now, everything was gone you could almost compare you guys to close as strangers. A man placed his hand on Michael’s shoulder which made him look back to see one of the employees that was going to help you with your boxes, Michael stepping aside against his will to let the man take the your last box as you had just finished packing it, Michael watching as the man grabbed it and took it out of his room, taking out the last piece of you out of the house. There was only you and he now in what felt like a cold and empty room even though Michael’s stuff was still there, you having your arms crossed as you looked around, avoiding Michael’s eyes that were almost burning into yours. ”That was it.” You said in a quiet voice, looking up at Michael for the first time today, noticing the sadness in his voice. ”Yeah.” He answered, just as quietly, putting his hands into his jeans pockets. Letting out a sigh you removed yourself from the bed before heading towards where Michael was, ready to head out of the room. ”Thank you for everything.” You mumbled, having a rather hard time to look up at him. ”You too.” He said with a very small smile on his lips, letting you wrap his arms around you in a hug, the two of you staying in that position for what felt like years before you pulled back. ”They’re waiting for me.” You mumbled, referring to the removal men, Michael nodding his head before he placed a soft kiss to your forehead, his hands going down from your shoulders to your hands and giving them a squeeze, watching as you moved away from him and his life, out of the door for probably the last time ever in his life.

Ashton:

Let’s forget the past

I swear we’ll make this last

Cos’ I remember the taste of your skin tonight

And the way that you looked, you had those eyes

I remember the way I felt inside

And the name of the songs that made you cry

Ashton’s breath hitched in his throat as he looked straight ahead in front of him with his back pressed against the headboard of his king sized bed, feeling your present next to him calming down as well just as him. The sheets were messy, both of your hair were messy, even your relationship was a mess. Or what used to be a relationship. Tonight’s event was the last thing that would be between you and Ashton. No more lies, no more discussions and fights and now no more sex. You guys had broken up weeks ago but the friends with benefits part was still the thing that was holding the relationship between you up. But now you couldn’t do this anymore. You knew you things would be clearer if Ashton wasn’t a part of your life anymore .But you still loved and cared for this boy which was the reason why you went along with having sex – for the last time in your life. And now, it felt like Ashton’s heart was ripped out. Normally after these events, you would stay at his apartment to the early sunrise of the mornings but now, the first thing you did was to catch your breath before grabbing your clothes from the floor and putting it on, while Ashton stayed behind you on the bed with the sheets covering his naked parts, watching you with every second he had, trying to memorize everything about you even though he knew it would be hard not to forget you. You had changed everything about him and his life. Every little single detail about you were memorized, he knew you probably better than you did yourself. But he knew that you weren’t well in the relationship anymore which was the reason why you wanted to break this off. But he could also feel that you were slightly confused, not knowing how to handle the situation and you guys were still young and that. You couldn’t resist each other in the end which leads to this fucking relationship that you firstly never thought you would get out off. But after confronting Ashton with it, he had answered that he had already figured it in his mind and was okay with it. But of course he wasn’t but how could he confess that to you? You seemed to be already moving on and whether you had found a new one, he didn’t know, but he concluded it with you not wanting to be in any sort of relationship with him anymore. Just ready to start everything over and getting a new life and the thought had even crossed Ashton’s mind a several of times, but each time he would deny it. There was no one like you he would ever find again, but if that’s what life is about then he’ll have to deal with it. Letting the love of his life rip his heart out like relationship was only based on that. Taking the last part of clothes on your body you looked down at Ashton with a sigh watching him as he gave you a small wave before turned around on his side, his back now facing your form. You nodded your head by the rejection before turning around on your heel, probably leaving his apartment for the last time ever in your life. 

I figured it out: or "Why 'The Grove' Matters to Me"

After stopping 12-15 times to attempt breathing, get tissues, and become able to see through my tears again, I made it through the ep today. I loved it. Adored. Worshipped. And this confused me, because there was practically nothing in the ep that wasn’t transcendently horrifying. So as I ran here and there doing my usual day-to-day stuff and reblogged .gifsets and cried, all day I asked myself, “What the hell, me? Why did you genuinely enjoy this completely awful, effed up episode?”

Then I had an epiphany. The results are under the read more. (I know. All y'all are just quaking with anticipation;) A warning – everything that follows is only my opinion. I’m still emotionally wrecked from watching that ep. So if you choose to click this read more and then in some way come at me, it probably won’t end well. Cool? Cool. Here we go.

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