i had a tsunami of feels at that time

Man okay when I got my wisdom teeth out it was a fucking experience. Before the surgery wasn’t too interesting but as soon as I woke up I saw the nurse next to me and was all like “hey… i think… i died… and now I’m in a parallel universe… and i gotta go back to my house and kill the me from this universe” and he was just kinda like “alright, you do that”. And then the other nurse kept going in and out of the room to get things and I thought there was like 5 of her that kept coming out of the room, and then so when she was wheeling me out in a wheelchair I was like “damn… why are there so many of you… there’s like 5 many of you” and she was just kinda like “alright, you do that”.

Anyway I got to the car and my dad was there and he was like “how ya feeling son” in the dadliest way possible and I was like “MAN I AM PUMPED LETS GET SOME JUICE I’M STARVED” so we drove about 3 blocks to a jamba juice, whereupon I say “I’m good I can do this” and run/drunkstumble 30 feet to the door. I burst in the door like a viking returning from some fucking battle and holler “WHATS UP FUCKS” to everyone in the store, which was thankfully just the 2 people behind the counter, who looked probably as scared/confused as a jamba juice employee could look.

So anyway, as my dad explained the situation I looked up at the jamba juice menu and was utterly fucking lost in it. Like I swear I was looking at this menu board for a year, deciphering this Rosetta stone of fruits. I distinctly remember that I was looking at each item in a smoothie, thinking of how it tasted, then moving on to the next thing and thinking of how that tasted, and how they would taste together. Since most smoothies had 3 or 4 items, this took some thinking. So my dad sees me in this extreme brain blast state of mind and says “hey are you going to order or what”. Keep in mind I’m on the first fucking smoothie on the list here. So I just say “shush man I’m trying to do fruit science”, and then when I realized that this process could take literal years, I just said “yeah give me a smooth regular” which for the uninitiated, isn’t actually a real thing on any menu. Oh, also I asked them if the “boosted” smoothies would give me super powers and then pointed my fingers at them and made “lightning noises”.

So my dad just orders me the first thing on the menu and I go to sit down and stare out the window or some shit and my thoroughly amused dad just looks at me and says “how ya feelin?”. Now at this time I was feeling a lot of things, but most noticeable to me was the gauze in my mouth, so I just look at him and say “there’s these fuckin… tiny sheep in my head” which at the time was the best way I had to convey this feeling. Anyway about that time, the jamba juice guy brings us our drinks and he gives me a small thing of mario kart stickers and I swear I almost cried from the tsunami of emotion that gift made me feel (I still have them).

Anyway the rest of the story is we drove home and I explained this programming project I was working on to my dad in perfect detail somehow and then I came home and went on facebook and posted a comment on my friends status (because I couldn’t find the status update bar) that read: “i just took a lort of painkillers and yelled at everyone in a jambo juice”

Why Not Me

James Potter x Reader

A/n: Probably gonna do a part 2 if you guys want one because I feel like I could keep going with this. Warnings: some swearing, a little angst. Words: 2155

 You had known James Potter since you were three years old. You lived in the house next to his and you two had grown up together. After being best friends with someone for 13 years obviously you get attached, and it’s natural to be protective of them. That’s how you were justifying you’re feelings at this point, but it wasn’t working out too well. It wasn’t painfully obvious that you felt more then friendship towards James, everyone knew you two were close so no one suspected a thing. Especially not James, he was too head over heels for Lily Evans. Lately he hasn’t played you a lick of attention, he was too busy trying to catch hers. It’s not that you didn’t like Lily in fact you two were very close friends, you just envied her. You envied how easily she captured his attention and had him wrapped around her finger with a few simple words. It was just so frus-”Y/N! Y/N! Y/N!” Your other best friend Victoria was frantically waving her hands in front of your face standing in front of where you were previously spaced out sitting at a library table.  “Yes” you replied in a monotone voice, still in a daze from your little disconnection from reality and a little thrown off  by your thought path. “What are you doing I’ve been looking for you forever!” she shrieked. “Why what’s wrong?” I asked. “No. You’ve just been missing for hours and everyone was getting worried. It’s almost curfew and no one had seen you since last class. Did you skip dinner? Have you been here the whole time? I swear I checked here at least five times.” She bombarded you with a tsunami of words. “Wait is it really that late I didn’t even realize” I said as I rushed to pack up all my books and parchment. Had I really been zoned out for that long? “Well hurry up I don’t wanna be caught out past curfew I already have detention for what feels like the rest of my life” she overdramatized. “Okay, okay I’m going as fast as I can” I said as we made our way through the halls back to the commun room.

When we entered I felt nauseas at the sight of Lily and James basically snogging each others faces off on one of the sofas. Victoria saw you quickly look away and whispered in your ear “Just ignore them.” Linking your arms together and ushering you to your dorm. Your other roommates were all sitting around in the room doing their own little things. “Finally you found her!” exclaimed Abbey. “Wait honey what’s wrong?” asked Cara as she looked up form her book seeing your solem expression. “Ah it’s not because of that Potter boy again is it? You just need to get over him,” stated Abbey matter offactly. You didn’t even respond, instead just flopping down on your bed. “Look Y/n it’s gonna get better you’ll get over him,” said Victoria sitting down next to you. “How am I supposed to get over my best friend, I’ve known him for so long?” I asked “Well first you’ll realize that he’s a bloody bloke if he decided to choose her over you. Then you’ll find a new boy and you won’t even give Potter a single thought.” Abbey said as if she just solved a difficult math question. “It’s not that easy Abbey” victoria chastised her. “No she might be somewhat right. What if you found another boy to get over James, like a rebound?” Cara offered. “Is it really a rebound if we were never together?” I asked still replaying the scene from the common room over in my head. How happy they looked together. “It’s the principal that counts” Cara said. “Yeah that’s a great idea! It doesn’t have to mean anything. You can find a boy Saturday at the party after the quidditch game’” Abbey was way too fond of this plan. “I don’t know guys, I don’t even think i’ll go to the quidditch game” I said sitting up. “Now that’s just ridiculous of course you’re going to the qudiditch game and for once I actually agree with Abbey.” Victoria said “Well thanks for letting me know how you really feel about me,” Abbey mocked hurt.


It was Saturday night and the Hufflepuff team were down by so many points that they couldn’t even win if they caught the Golden Snitch. Of course it was James who was scoring all the points as he was ‘the best chaser in Hogwarts history’ as he liked to refer to himself. There he goes scoring yet again as the seekers continued to chase the golden snitch around the pitch. It wasn’t long before Gryffindor caught the golden snitch and the crowd went absolutely ballistic. James being the cocky bastard he was did a victory lap around the stands winking at me as he flew by. Everyone started making their way off the stands and towards the players to congratulate them. It seemed like Lily was the first one down, throwing herself into his arms like you used to when he still paid his “best friend” a care in the world. Using that term loosely now considering he hasn’t given me more then a handful of acknowledgments since him and Lily stated their little love affair.

Meanwhile I was still sitting on the bleachers next to Remus, the rest of our friend had been lost in the crowd. “So I assume you’re going to the party?” he inquired. “I don’t really know yet I’m not in a party mood tonight,” I replied in a slight daze, James and Lilys display having thrown me off. “That’s exactly how I feel but Sirius would have my head if I don’t attend the ‘most legendary party ever’ as he’s been calling it” he said. We both laughed lightly because only Sirius could make such a big deal of one of the hundreds of partys thrown every year. “Well I suppose if you’re going it wouldn’t hurt to give you some company” I said with a slight smile somewhat distracted from my previously gloomy thoughts.

We walked together, in no rush, back to the Gryffindor common room. By the time we got there the party was already in full swing and it seemed that Sirius was already wasted as he stumbled up to the two of you “What a surprise my two favorite people,” we said while balancing his entire body weight on Remus, leaning against him with an arm swung over his shoulder. “Where’ve you two been? James was asking ‘bout ya” he slurred his word together at the end making his words barley eligible. “Why was he looking for me?” remus asked confused. “Not you Moony the pretty one” Sirius said grabbing a lock of your hair twirling it around his finger and winking at you before he went prancing off sloppily to some other people. “We should probably try to slow his drinking,” you said. “There’s no point trying, you take a cup of fire whiskey out of his hands and the second you turn around he’s got two more.” He joked even though we both knew it was true. Shouldn’t you go talk to James anyway, find out what he wanted?” He more so pointed out then actually asking. Just then as you looked across the room you spotted him a cup of alcohol in is hand and Lily perched on his lap. Averting your gaze “I think I’ll enjoy your company much more.” you said and he gave you a goofy grin.

As the night went on you and Remus had found a couch that wasn’t occupied by drunk couples trying to get it on. You were slightly intoxicated, that’s putting it lightly. Your friends kept popping up to have a quick chat and handing you different concoctions every couple minutes. Remus on the other hand was sober as could be, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t enjoying the beautiful giggling girl hanging off his arm and practically sitting in his lap going off about how her little brother once brought a niffler home and tried to keep it as a pet. His cheeks blazing at the extremely close proximity. You hadn’t even noticed how close you were to him, not really being aware of anything all your senses were slowed and your brain was fuzzy just saying anything that came to mind. “We should go for a walk” you said giggling again even though you hadn’t said anything funny “It’s getting really stuffy in here I need some air” Grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the exit before receiving a reply. You two were in the hallway in no time, you prancing around and Remus trying to keep up. “It’s still so hot out here,” you exclaimed cursing your clothes. You ripped your sweater off and threw it away, Remus scrambling to pick it up while you keep gallivanting away. “Woah Y/n maybe you should slow down” You stopped abruptly and turned on your heels grinning wildly as he skidded to a stop right in front of you. Your breath fanning across his chest before you looked up to his eyes “Thank you Rem, you’re a real great guy” looping your arms around his neck, your fingers playing with the little wisps of hair at his nape. “Why are you thanking me I haven’t done anything” he stuttered out, trying desperately to not stare at your chest that was pressed against his “Oh but you’ve done so much for me” you said barley above a whisper but it was loud and clear to him. His heart racing a mile a minute as you leant closerand closer until your lips met.

You tasted of fire whiskey and sweetness. He placed his hands on your hips as you kept tugging on his hair. Neither of you hearing the loud steps comig your way. Your reaction was slow when Remus was so quiqly pulled away from you and pushed against the wall by a fuming James Potter. “What do you think you’re doing mate.” He yelled at Remus. “Woah Prongs calm down” Remus tried to defuse the situation but if anything he just made James more livid. You still drunk off your ass decided it would be a good idea to jump on his back to try and stop him “Rem run i’ll hold him off,” you said in a panicy tone “and see ya tomorrow save me a muffin at breakfast” you giggiled totally forgetting how paniced you were a moment ago. Remus jogged off down the hallway you still on James’ back.

“What the bloody hell do you think you were doing with Remus of all people” James pried you off his back so he could face you “What’s that supposed to mean?” you questioned giggling because of James furrowed eyebrows. “You two were just snogging in the hallway, you can’t just going around doing that Y/n” he elaborated still so very angry. “Why not you and Lily do it all the time? Why am I nto allowed to do it” you started getting upset, all the suppressed emotions rising up in a fury. James soffened as soon as he saw you getting upset “look Y/n I’m-” he tried apologising but you interrupted him “No James tell me why can’t I be happy? You think you can just leave me and i’ll stop everything I’m doing until you come back? No James I’m done. I am so over always being second to that Lily Evans.” You were now yelling hysterically, tears streaming down your face, completely inconsolable. James was shocked into silence not knowing how to respond to your outburst. “Why not me? Why wasn’t I good enough? I loved you so damn much and you picked her. You chased after her all these years while I was here the whole time. Then as soon as she acknowledges your existence I’m completely throw aside, I get replaced by some stuck up red head who ignored you for years!” It was all coming out now, your body racked with sobs. James pulled you into to his chest ignoring your attemps to push him away just holding you close whispering “I’m so sorry” and “I didn’t know” over and over like a broken record. “Do you know how much it hurts? I loved you. I love you, and you don’t even care about me, all you care about is her.”

That’s how the remaider of your night went. Not really coming to a resolution, just letting it all out as James held you, and when you finally fell asleep he carried you back to your dorm placing you in bed. This was a conversation for tomorrow, when you were sober, right now you just needed to sleep. To live in your dreams and shut out reality.

heartbreaker - pt 2

this was so emotionally draining for me but i love it. here u guys go ;)

pairing → stanley uris x reader

word count → 830

Originally posted by eddiospaghettio

 Two weeks.

 Two weeks of rarely talking.

 Two weeks of avoiding him in the hallways.

 Two weeks of almost crying every time he would say something to you. Two weeks of seeing him approach you and running into the bathroom as an excuse not to talk to him. Two weeks of going home, knowing that nothing would be the same. Two weeks.

 You would see Stan in the halls of the high school, see him talking to another one of the Losers or even her. You would gaze at him from behind your locker door, a solemn look on your face, and he would eventually meet your eye. You would turn away before you could see the expression on his face and emotion in his eyes.

 Hanging out with the rest of the Losers Club and him was easy. You would laugh and smile - genuinely, at that - and it wouldn’t be hard. Richie’s horridly inappropriate jokes would make you crack a grin at the very least, and for a while you would feel alright again.

 But then you would see Stan laughing while rolling his eyes, too, and all of a sudden you weren’t alright. How could you be? Not only was that smile not yours, you couldn’t even claim the cause of it. Everything was ruined.

Keep reading

college! minhyung

a/n; inspired by a series of unfortunate events that happened to yours truly, and it’s my first time writing a college au so please enjoy:’)

Originally posted by nctaezen


  • major: music and audio tech
  • mark really liked music and making music so when he heard there was a course for it he immediately signed himself up for that
  • and he’s in the school’s dance club,, a very underrated dancer
  • tbh he partially got in because of his looks
  • also an underrated visual in nct
  • but mostly because this boy got those sick moves and he does music too?? yes please
  • i’m not saying that he’s the campus hottie but that’s exactly what i’m saying
  • but he’s really low-key and just wants to pursue his passion in music
  • and do well
  • you and mark met through this thing where you get admitted early into a course you like
  • you,, chose communications and media management or mass communications, as you would like to call it(i shall refer it to cmm)
  • and mark was there for the early admission exercise too because he had it as a backup if he couldn’t get into music and audio tech
  • at first the whole room was super tense because,, cmm is fiercely competitive
  • and you needed more than just language to get through this whole thing
  • when you arrived, you took a seat at the back because,, isn’t that what students do
  • and then mark came into the room like a really awkward bean
  • literally bows to everyone while saying excuse me
  • and he takes his seat beside you(!!)
  • you were lowkey screaming because,, why would someone as hot as mark sit beside you,, an average girl who just wants to get into the damn course
  • and your school didn’t had guys like that
  • let’s take a moment to imagine mark in casual clothes, like that red lacoste polo tee and ripped jeans and black vans and a kanken?? did that made your heart race? because it made my heart do just that
  • ya’ll know exactly which pic im referring to
  • so you decided not to be a chicken and make friends w him
  • “i’m really nervous,, i’ve yet to internalize my script for the screen test later”
  • “same,, i’m more worried for the written test tbh” with that shy smile of his
  • ok b4 we move on there are 3 components of your early admission exercise thing
  • 1. written test 2. screen test 3. interview
  • and basically you have to go through all of that lmao
  • ok let’s get back to the story
  • “i’m sure you’ll do well, uhm..”
  • “mark”
  • “mark, yep”
  • “and you’re?”
  • “y/n”
  • “that’s a pretty name ^^”
  • you swore your heart dropped
  • fast forward to the interview, you and mark were in the same group
  • and the damn lecturers had their radar on you bc wow reader you’re a catch
  • “so y/n, we saw that you write fiction in your portfolio, right?”
  • you broke into a sweat bc they ain’t gonna reveal that you write fanfictions in front of mark
  • “yeah i do”
  • “so could you please come up with a plot and characters for a current affair you know?”
  • you were pretty shook because fanfic ideas only hit you when it’s the right time(ff writers do you feel me)
  • so you were stuttering,
  • “i lost my childhood friend in a tsunami??”
  • and the lecturers literally cracked up at your idea
  • but they couldn’t blame you though, its hard to come up with an answer on the spot
  • at the end of the interview, mark was also lowkey cracking up
  • “omg i can’t believe you said that y/n, but i gotta admit it was pretty creative”
  • “i know right, why did i say that…” 
  • “i thought it was really creative and different though, i liked it”
  • there goes your heart
  • fastforward to the beginning of the school term
  • mark and you exchanged numbers on that day and when you guys received the results of the posting he wasn’t in cmm but music and audio tech
  • tbh you were rlly happy for him bc you guys were convenient friends from that day on and he was so excited and passionate about making music its just so so heartwarming
  • and well, the first assignment the lecturer gave was about a collaboration?? article
  • it can be between any student as long as its a different major
  • and it applies to every student on campus gdi
  • so the first person that came to your mind was mark
  • so after your lecture you ran straight to the block mark’s lecture hall was at
  • and as soon his lecture ended you ran up to mark who was busy chatting with his newfound friends
  • “mark! did you get the collaboration assignment?”
  • “yeah i did, why?”
  • “c-can i collab with you?”
  • and all his friends were all stunned like,, why is this girl suddenly coming up to mark to collab
  • “s-sure, why not?” with the mark giggle, you know what i’m talking about
  • “good, i’ll see you soon then,” you winked, leaving mark dumbstruck
  • and when you left your heart was leaping out of your chest and you mentally slapped yourself for winking at mark
  • anyhow, you and mark would meet up every other day to work on the assignment, with mark as your protagonist of your article
  • and mark makes a music piece, as you take part in producing the music piece
  • but the song is actually about you!!
  • basically mark talks about what he learns in the course, like making music and stuff
  • he also plays the guitar which is a plus
  • whilst you guys were collabing
  • mark gained attention for his insanely good looks, which he often denied and pushes the campus hottie title to taeyong,, his senior
  • and also his music making and lyric writing talent
  • have you seen his rap freestyle in snowball project??? like how did you even mark lee 
  • and you gained attention for your writing, one of the top cmm students in school with a bright personality and media sense
  • and rumour goes around the campus that the best students of both majors are collabing and are already scoring those As lmao
  • that rumour was true and everyone was looking forward to the finished products of the geniuses of the school
  • while you two were collabing you two got to know more about each other
  • and you know,, you,, like,, like,, each other its so cute 
  • you two keep sending signals to one another
  • for mark its adding smileys to his texts and a few hearts and like holding the door when you enter the recording studio and all those gentlemanly stuff ugh so sweet
  • for you,, its just more affection and skinship and playful slaps on the shoulder
  • the rest of the school; “pLEASE DATE ALREADY”
  • both of your friends literally could sense those signals but the both of you couldn’t
  • so on the last day of doing the assignment you and mark would show each other’s completed assignment
  • you showed mark your article of him, alongside with a candid picture of him working on the music you took secretly
  • “omg y/n,, this is so good, thank you so much”
  • “you’re welcome mark,, it’s nothing,, really”
  • and mark showed you his finished music piece and you were so proud of him because the song actually sounded legit and not by a college student
  • after the music ended, mark looked at you seriously and started fiddling with his hands
  • “you know,, y/n,, i’ve been wanting to tell you this in the longest time…”
  • “what is it?”
  • “that,, i really like you,, since the d-day we met, i really like how you are so passionate about writing and stuff… and how pretty you are and…”
  • “i like you too, mark, i really really like you”
  • and the you two hug and boom youre dating aAAAA so cute
  • dating college!mark would be the softest thing ever
  • he would memorise your favourite drink and buy it for you every morning without fail
  • you reckon mark would be broke by the end of the year from buying your favourite white chocolate mocha from starbucks every morning lol
  • and wait outside the girls’ dorm for you
  • and the main point is he looks good while waiting for you that sometimes you come down a lil later to just take candid pics of him waiting for you LOL
  • if mark’s lectures end earlier than yours, he would wait for you outside your lecture room like omg sweetest boyfriend ever
  • basically you guys are like inseperable
  • but he’s a lil shy with the pda during the first steps of the r/s so expect loads of blushy mark
  • but when he’s warmed up to it he’s like the clingiest baby ever
  • he does give you space tho,, which youre thankful for
  • and when he stays up too late to do his music assignment you would creep into the studio to bring him some snacks and coffee
  • and make sure he gets sleep because this boy can’t be stopped unless youre around
  • you joined the dance club soon after he joined an like you two are the literal power couple with the visuals and talents just,,, debut together please
  • when ya’ll did 1million dance studio’s All I Wanna Do choreography iT WAS LIT AND SLAYING EVERYONE WAS CHEERING
  • mark is generally rlly shy with compliments so you always compliment him so that people dont take advantage of his humility if that makes sense
  • like there was once he had a group project and je did most of the work and everyone was like “mark you did all the work!! this isnt a group project”
  • mark was like no omg my teammates did the work too
  • and his jackass teammate was like “oh mark only did half of the work and we did the most”
  • you were ready to fight that asshole and mark had to literally hold you back 
  • mark really likes it when you steal his hoodies and wear it to lectures bc you look so cute in them
  • and his graphic tees too this boy has gr8 fashion ngl
  • when the break rolls around you guys would go cafe hopping and eat till your stomachs were almost exploding
  • and also shopping for clothes and all that
  • mark was willing to be your human guinea pig when you buy makeup when your hand runs out of space for swatches
  • and when its time to pay mark just shoves his credit card to the cashier and youre like
  • “mark youre gonna be so broke thats $128 worth of makeup”
  • and you pouting and mark had to use his fingers to lift your lips up into a smile
  • “you’ve done so much for me for just being my girlfriend, babe, just let me pay for it this once”
  • and it was the 34th time he paid lmao
  • anyhow dating!college mark is all pure and fluffy and innocent
  • please give mark lots of love

Wings of Fire Friendships That I Wish We Could’ve Seen/Had Been More Developed

(Note: Some of these are legitimately cool friendships. Some are me rambling about something that could’ve never happened)

Winter, Glory, Peril, and Tsunami: Idk I’ve always seen these as the ‘Fighter’ characters, the ones that aren’t afraid to stand up for themselves and I feel like they could’ve worked off of each other pretty well

Starflight and Glory: These guys had a really funny relationship dynamic which I wish we’d gotten more of because I was cracking up whenever they interacted, because they both had the same brand of ‘smart’ comedy.

Turtle and Moon: We got them in Moon Rising, but never really any time after that. They seemed like really good friends, and I feel like they could definitely have been scroll buddies.

Clay and Starflight: Same as Starflight and Glory, I just found them hilarious- Clay just being his sweet clumsy self while Starflight facepalms and corrects him in the background.

Carnelian, Moon, and Kinkajou: These roommates were great, and I feel like if they’d gotten more time to bond they could’ve been a legitimately supportive group of friends that would murder anyone who hurt any of the others.

Qibli and Kinkajou: I feel like they both had this kind of energetic energy that I felt was really similar? I think if we’d gotten more time of them just talking there could’ve been some pretty funny interactions.

Clay and Winter: I can explain okay. I feel like Clay’s softness and Winter’s anger could’ve resolved each other, like Winter goes for a private lesson with Clay and suddenly they’re making strawberry cupcakes together.

You were a forest fire when I met you. Reckless and unaware of your pent up wrath. You were a natural hazard. A blizzard, a hurricane. Destruction was your middle name as you tore through people like plastic fences and through drugs like dry leaves. Your father was two parts angry and one part stern, trying to steer your aimless wanderings but you told him that no gusts of rage could turn you into him. And you yelled, god you yelled. Every day was as unwanted as the last, and life was no longer a gift but a burden you wanted to give back. You engulfed the coast with your tribulation, shouting to heaven, and then damnation and in your bursts of raw frustration even the winds on mars could feel your sorrow. Your voice shook the ground and your anger engulfed trees and even though I loved you, I was scared to have you near me. I was your home for a time. And then you moved onto another place, as catastrophes often do. You cant blame an earthquake for making you fall and break yourself; and you cant criticize a flood for moving on. They have had their way with you and there are simply more interesting houses to watch crumble. But fires are short lived. Blizzards go away. Volcanoes burn out. Hurricanes decay. Tsunamis are nothing. Sinkholes turn to laughter. I may have been a broken house but you were the disaster.
—  hal3ynicole, An Ode To Moving 
My Own Brand Of Heroin - Part 2

Original Request from anon: Hey, do you think you could write a Bucky x Reader based on the line “ I lost myself between your legs, your medicine is in my head ” from Jaymes Young’s song “ Habits of my heart ” please ? It’d be awesome ! :)

Note: A number of you asked for a part 2 to this so….enjoy! I apologise for the length of it but once I started typing I just seemed to keep going! Essentially you and Bucky find yourselves addicted to one another, unable to stay away, but there is one big problem….

Bucky x Reader

Words: 3,756

Warnings: Smut, threat of being caught, slight dominance.

Disclaimer: None of the GIFs used are mine so all credit goes to their wonderful creators <3 ….and obviously the lyrics in the request are not my own.

PREVIOUSLY

“You don’t have to go you know, you can stay.”

“Bucky. Please don’t.”

“Don’t what?” There was an anger to his words as he propped himself up onto his elbows. “Don’t, for the love of god, ask for you to stay just for a few short minutes after we have fucked?”

Your hand was resting on the door handle by this point as a heavy sigh, laced with annoyance, left your lips.

“You know that can’t happen.” Your phone begins to vibrate inside the pocket of your jeans that you had just put back on but you continued to let it ring as you got your last few words out. “We can’t go there.” Before he can say another word you answer the call and put the phone to your war while opening the door. “Hi sweetheart. Yeah I’m sorry work ran a little late I’ll be home in ten minutes.”

As the door closed behind you leaving Bucky alone in the dark room the emptiness hit him harder than it usually did. There had been the smallest bit of hope inside of him that this would be the day you would reciprocate the love he felt for you but when he had watched you walk away he knew it would never happen…..and yet still he knew he would answer your call each and every time no matter how much it killed him inside each time.

                                             * * * * * * * * * *

“You’ve got this beautiful. You are going to be absolutely fine.” Your gorgeous boyfriend of two years places a soft kiss onto your lips to try and settle the steadily building nerves inside of you as you stand in the lobby of Stark Tower. “It’s not like everyone in there is going to be a stranger to you.”

“Oi Rogers! Hands off my new asset.” Tony Stark’s voice seemed to boom around the whole of the large lobby as he expertly jumped over the security barrier and headed towards the two of you. “Last thing I need is for her to be a big pile of goo. What good would she be then?”

With a playful roll of your eyes, which seemed to happen in unison with the blonde Avenger stood before you, your gaze turns to the man who, for some unknown reason, had decided to ‘hire your expertise’ for a while. Well it was supposed to be a temporary thing but the way he had spoken to you at the end of your interview he was making it very clear that he wanted you there permanently.

Keep reading

From Phlegmatic to Amorousness

Chapter One

Paring: Bucky x Reader (eventually), Platonic! Steve x Reader, hints of Steve x Nat

Word Count: 1,454

Warnings: Angst, Depression

*This is not my GIF and all credit goes to the original owner. I don’t own any of these characters, but it would be so cool if I did.* 

Originally posted by urmychilicheesecake


Do you ever wake up and have that moment before everything in your life comes crashing down like a tsunami on you and all you feel is pure serenity? That moment seems to be the only thing that can coax you out of deep sleep. You crave those few seconds before you realize who you are and what you’ve done.

Back in high school, before you were brought to the Avenger’s Tower, you had a English teacher who warned you about those few moments. She told you that once we start living for the next time those few moments come around, and not all that happens in between, you are no longer living.

Feeling lost in a state of subsisting you decide you should take your first step towards that next euphoric moment of peace. Getting out of your covers and slowly maneuvering yourself towards your bathroom you wonder when you became so numb. You slowly piece together the strength to put on another facade of happiness to get yourself ready for the day.

Once ready you head out and decide to stop for some breakfast before going to the gym. With each heavy footstep you treasure the time you don’t have to pretend to be okay. As you round the corner to the kitchen you feel the corners of your mouth creep upwards into a smile. Your acting skills seem to be good as ever because you receive nothing more than nonchalant nods and hello’s from your teammates.Grabbing an apple from the fruit basket left on the counter you decide to sit for a little while.

Listening into the conversation and trying to deduce the topic so you can join in you subtly try to lean in. Finally figuring out it was about the man that Steve was bringing back from T’challa’s home you decided it was safe to add your two cents into the conversation.

“So any news on when Cap is arriving home?”

Nat was the first to respond. “He’s actually getting back today. Speaking of which I was supposed to relay some of Steve’s ‘ground rules’ about Sergeant Barnes to everyone before they got here.” Too anyone else this might seem normal, but Steve normally always texts you first. This leads you to wondered when Nat and Steve had gotten so close. It seems like you miss a lot when you’re preoccupied with not letting anyone in too close.

“When we meet Barnes it’s probably best we don’t do anything that might startle him or make him uncomfortable. Obviously our goal is to make this transition as easy as possible for him.” Everyone seemed to agree with the littering of soft noddings. “Okay well we should treat today as any other. Get to training.”

Heeding Nat’s advice you head down to the gym and start warming up. As you stretch out more and more of your team makes it’s way down to join you. Last night had been a rough one seeing as every time you closed your eyes you were kick started awake by a nightmare. Wanting to get all of your bottled up frustration out you move to the punching bag and put your earphones in.

Your fists assault the bag in time to the rhythm of your music. Each time your fist connects you feel a soft sting in your wrists and knuckles. You don’t notice how the gym suddenly becomes quiet around you as Steve walks in with the newest Avenger in tow. It isn’t until Steve gives you a soft nudge in the back that you realize he’s returned.

You remove your earphones and nearly launch yourself at him. Giving the best bone crushing hug you could muster. You peek over his broad shoulder at a man who must be Sergeant Barnes, His blue eyes enrapture you in a utter feeling of ice.

The feeling to anyone else might be unwelcome, but for you it was exhilarating. Any chance you got to feel something else other than numb you took. Finally breaking eye contact with the new man you return your attention to Steve.

“Good to see you managed to make your way back in one piece.” You softly nudge his shoulder but keeping a close proximity to his body.

“It was hard making it out there without my best girl by my side,” A genuine blush crossed your face at his choice of wording.

“Oh Stevie you’re gonna give Sergeant Barnes here the wrong idea about us!” Steve’s lips shaped into his earth shattering grin that would leave any girl with butterflies.

“Don’t worry Doll. I’ve told Bucky a lot about you. He knows you’re just my friend.” Turning yourself towards Barnes you muster up your best smile.

“Well I hope you told him only good things.” You slowly extend your right hand out for him to shake. “It’s a pleasure to finally put a face to all the stories. My name is (Y/N).”

He slowly reciprocated the gesture with a small and shy smile. “Nice to meet you. Call me Bucky.” He turned towards everyone. Making it known that’s what he prefered to go by.

“Sure thing. Um Steve. Once you finish getting Bucky acquainted can you meet me in my room?” A wave of nervousness washed over your skin as you awaited his answer. HIs eyes quickly darted to Nat’s and then back to you. So fast you nearly missed it.

“Uh yeah sure doll. I’ll have Jarvis tell you when I’m ready.” With a tight smile to Steve and a gentle nod to Bucky you returned to your work out.

Once you finished your daily workout routine you decide to take another shower. Hoping to give yourself down time to reassemble your breaking mask of happiness you head back to your private corridors.

You shower and get dressed in lounging clothes and try to get some shut eye. To no avail can you shake the horrid images of past missions so you settle with blankly staring at the ceiling.

It was 11:23 P.M. when Steve finally showed up.  As he walked in you barely stirred passed a small hand motion of acknowledgement.

“Hey Stevie. Did Bucky seem to settle in okay for his first day?” Through your thick eye lashes you drank in the image of a fairly disheveled Steve. He was with Natasha. I can smell her perfume from here.

“Uh yeah. He seemed to be doing okay. All things considering.” He looked nervous. His eyes seemed to avoid yours at all cost. Why was he hiding his relationship with Nat? Perhaps more importantly.. Why did he feel guilty? He is worried about how you would respond. Probably thinks you’re to unstable without his constant attention.

Motioning for him to come join you in your swarm of blankets you scoot over to provide him room. You slowly reach for his fingers and begin to play with them. Leaning your head against his arm you sigh softly. Since coming to the tower Steve had become like an older brother to you.

“I missed you Steve.” He shuffled so his arm engulfs your small body.

“I know kid. I missed you too.” He seemed to trail off and carefully evaluate his next words. “How did you sleep while I was  gone?” Now here ladies and gentlemen is where you test your acting skills.

“I slept like a log. Probably the best sleep I’ve gotten in years.” He seemed to buy it. “I just wanted to say goodnight personally.”

You paused because you weren’t sure if what you say next would let him know you’re onto his and Black Widows relationship. “You know if you ever need me I’ll be there in a heartbeat right?”

As he nods you start gently nudging him out of your bed and you follow him to your door.

“Sweet dreams cap.”

“Sweet dreams (Y/N).”

Trying to not show your sudden need to be alone you slowly closed your door behind him. You had a lot to think about. Contemplating when you became such a hindrance to Steve social life you start to trudge back to bed. It has gotten to the point where even beloved Steve lies to your face.

Over the past year you have slowly began to enclose your safety borders to your room. The only time you felt safe was when you were in Steve’s arms. Now it feels like your borders are getting smaller again. Soon you fear you may suffocate on your self made course of isolation. With these thoughts in mind you get pulled into a deep sleep. You made it to the next moment but you fear how long you have before the nightmares start.


I hope everyone enjoyed the first chapter. I’m always up for constructive criticism! The next chapter is almost ready, so it should be out in a couple of days. Below are people who showed interest. Notify me if you want to be added or removed.

Tag List:

@i-had-a-life-once @this-kitty-has-claws @obscurilicious @theonlyonelives @boyzines @myrabbitholetoneverland

Look What You Made Me Do (PJM)

Pairing: Park Jimin x Reader 

Themes: high school bestfriends au, college au

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 757

Summary: Park Jimin brings up your old flame from high school after four years of being strangers to each other.

“God, Y/N.” He says, stepping away from me. 

“Look what you made me do.”

Keep reading

These Kids have issues chapter 5

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

Meet the readers siblings. Hope you enjoy!

General Tags: @nervouswastelandvoid,@marlenej1,@lastbeliever,@ladyalexa, @books-netflix-and-pizza,@pillow223

Jason Todd Tag: @memento-scribet

This Story Tags:@tear-in-my-heart14, marveltrashaddict, @pittbull-enthusiast, @celestiacq

- Let me know if you would like to be tagged in anything! Let me know if I forgot to tag you!

Pairing: Jason Todd X Reader

TW: None

Word Count: 1,343

Chapter 5- Growing Pains

You woke up in the infirmary later that afternoon. Now, instead of you claiming ceremony, you would be moving into Cabin number three, it was strange, you had half-siblings, you were a sister- oh gods and your brother was one of the most famous Demi-gods within the last century! You slowly sat u, still smelling the smoke in your hair and pajamas. There was the sound of a chair scrapping against the floor and you looked up to see both Ester and Leon looking back at you. Ester launched herself at you, burying her nose into your stomach while wrapping her arms around your torso. It was nice, until she started blubbering like a baby, “NEVER do that again! You STUPID IDIOT!” She shouted, muffled by your tummy.

You put a hand on her head and Leon walked over to you, they set beside you and took your free hand in theirs, they weren’t one for words like Ester was, but it was enough. You all looked up as someone enter the room. It was Percy, your heartbeat sped up cause oh gods this man was your brother! There were stories of him, Urban Legends, that he created a Tsunami, things like that. He smiled softly at you, “Hey little Sis, how are you feeling?”

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You Can Call Me Monster {Zhang Yixing}

Note: So I had two Yixing requests and I thought they’d tie in well together. However, as I’ve stated in other reactions I don’t write smut, so it’s implied but it’s not graphic {I’m sorry if this really isn’t what you were looking for.} Either way, here’s the drabble I hope you enjoy! 

Disclaimer: I don’t own the gifs/images used. 

Main Masterlist - EXO Masterlist 

Originally posted by zhangdimples

{y/n} loves her job. Undoubtedly. Every single working day she finds herself surrounded by her passion and amazingly talented people alike. It’s amazing really, and her work is always appreciated - always complimented and always recognised for own distinctive artistic style.

Her artistic makeup hand is very unique to her, and a lot of people can recognise her work just by seeing it.

Usually at work, she’s surrounded by young, fresh faced models that are new in the industry of television, film and music. Usually she finds herself engaging with young aspiring people who have dreams bigger than life. She’d worked with artists that are known nationally today, but back then were barely known in the town. She’d done makeup on the likes of Jung so-min before her big break in acting, she’d also worked alongside artists such as Monsta X that were now making it big in the musical world, she’d even worked with EXO during their early era.

It was uncommon for her to come back to those faces, but today was different. Today she was in for the shock of her life.

“{y/n} the model is here. You need to start on makeup, the shoot starts in 30 minutes.” An important man in the business called, running with an important looking stack of documents on a clipboard with a man in dark clothing stood behind him.

The man behind him stepped forward, presenting his incredibly good looks to her as the corner of his lips turned up to smirk.

“{y/n}, right? We meet again.”

{y/n} recognized him instantly, but the voice alone was enough to recall the image of the Zhang Yixing that she once knew. He used to look so much younger, a face with childlike features and a body slightly toning in some areas. He used to be much shyer too, his cheeks flushed with a crimson blush that dusted around his single dimple.

But that single dimple was the only thing he kept with him after all these years.

He’d matured majorly. His face was toned with defined cheekbones, hair that was already stylishly swooping across the flawless skin of his forehead. He seemed taller now too, and toned on his chest which was revealed very kindly by the tight white shirt and clinged his torso.

“You remember well. It’s been a long time.” you stated, Bowing in his direction respectfully.

“I don’t think I could ever forget.” the wink he conjured was beautiful, and it flooded back memories into your mind.

“Yeah… well we should get started. Take a seat please Mr Zhang.”  

“Come on {y/n}, you know me better than that.” He smirked at you, whispering a “much better,” beside your ears on the way down to sitting on the chair. The heat I his breath brushed your neck, and it sent a shot of sparks through your veins.

“In other words, call me Yixing.” He stated as you pulled out the equipment that you needed.

“Alright, Yixing.”

And so {y/n} got to work. Perhaps she was a little more shaky handed than usual, but that didn’t stop her from making Yixing’s already beautiful face look like a masterpiece from a museum.

Each and every of his features was brought out and defined, creating the beautiful imagery they wanted for the Monster concept. His eyes were dark and mysterious, so gorgeous they could pull any man or woman alike, yet so dark and belittling they were almost deadly.

His cheekbones had been brought out, sharp as blades and his lips were red and sexual, but menacing in all the right lighting. A few bruise illusions had been made on his face, enhancing the overall look of a Monster.

He looked amazing, and {y/n} was finding her heart wasn’t the only thing shaking, her heart was racing like the beat of a drum.

“You’re all done.” You informed him finally.

“Great.” He stood up, barely giving his appearance in the mirror a look. He took your hand, and before you knew it, you were following his footsteps like it was second nature.

“What are you doing? The shoot is that way, and I’m not supposed to come with you-”

“I never said I was going to the shoot, {y/n}.” He seemed to smirk again, but with the make up on his face it made him look darker, more powerful and dominating, it was almost intimidating, but in the best way.

He lead you to an unused cupboard, his eyes trailing the corridor to ensure the coast was clear before opening the door and pushing you inside.

“Someone’s going to see us!” You protested as he joined you inside, locking the door with the click of the lock.

“There’s no one around here. Plus CCTV doesn’t pinpoint this part of the building. I’ve done my homework {y/n}”

You swallowed hard. The room was pitch black, but the hot breath tickling your neck reassured you that Yixing was still there. The look of his irresistible eyes and lips burned at the front of your mind.  

“Why?” You questioned, and you imagined the smirk playing at his lips again, getting your heart rate up to the maximum.

“Because when I found out you’d be here, I knew I had to see you.”

All the memories you’d tried to push back came flooding back through. Images of you both younger and stupidly in love, to the sneaking around and the childish dreams of happy endings, to being forced apart by management, your hearts both ripped out and thrown and burnt to the ground. You never saw him after that, him being back finally hit you right where it hurt.

“I’m not the same person anymore, Yixing. I’m older now, I’m not stupid, and I know where I stand.”

“Do you still love me?” He questioned, and it was so blunt it nearly knocked the wind out of you.

“What?”

“You said you were older and not stupid, but you never said you’ve moved on.” He stated, he’d always been direct about things, and hated sugarcoating, but now you had it all back it was so overwhelming like a flood, a tsunami of feelings washing you up.

“I haven’t moved on… I know I should have.” You admit to him, it’s always hard lying to Yixing, even after all this time.

“I haven’t either. You have no idea how many nights I’ve nearly texted or called. Sometimes I’d consider taking one of the other members phone and texting you, pretending I’m them just to make sure you’re okay. You know?” The sincerity in his voice was flowing through. It was truthful, and you knew it because Yixing had never been a good liar, not ever, he didn’t have it in him.

“So what are you saying?” You questioned.

“I’m saying that I want you back {y/n}. I’m saying that I want you and screw anyone who says differently. Back then, management had be tied to puppet strings, but I’m cutting those ties now. And I want them all attached to you. I still love you.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but no words were speakable, so you closed your mouth again. You’d never been good with words, so you used what actions you could make to prove your emotions. You raised your jaw and pressed a kiss to his lips.

The kiss was light, but barely moments later it was much more passionate, and before you could account for what you were doing, you instincts took over, and heat increased.

Touching, kissing, moans… you didn’t care as he coaxed you, you didn’t care if anyone heard.

Things escalated faster than time could tell.

He pushed you back to the old times, feeling like you were higher than the sky with every inch he pressed inside of you, not just with the obvious, but also with love and feeling.

Tears were building in your eyes as the two of you came to a finish. Heavy pants filling the small space of the cupboard as you pulled items of clothing back on to your body.

Yixing waited, then pulled you into a hug. “I wasn’t expecting that, but I’m certainly not complaining.” He chuckled.

You laughed lightly. “I feel the same.”

Yixing pressed a kiss to your forehead. “After this shoot I’m taking you out for dinner.”

“I love how daring you are now.” You giggled, “This rebellious side is pretty hot.”

“Hey {y/n}, you can call me Monster.” 

Hey Angel

Soulmate AU - You see in only black and white until you meet.

Request from @thisisonebeautifullife

Your name: submit What is this?

It started when I was 12, I would randomly freeze when it started or I would wake up in a panic, the beautiful melody that would constantly awaken me became something that haunted me everyday. I learned to live with it but I could never figure out how it was possible for me to have a song that I’d never heard before in my life, swimming laps around in my head, rarely stopping for a break.

I was envious of everyone around me, those who got to see the world in colour. I knew the names of all the colours of the rainbow but I had no idea what they looked like. I could make out that some were lighter than others, when something was ‘yellow’ it showed as a lighter grey than ‘red’ but some shades were harder to tell apart than others.

I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I tried to accept the fact that I may never see the world the way others did but I just never could. Everyone has usually found their soulmate by my age and the only plausible reason as to why I hadn’t was one thing. My soulmate had died. Or that’s what my brain forced me to believe whenever utter loneliness consumed me. It was hard to believe anything else, but I wasn’t giving up, I could feel that they were still out there somewhere.

Harry’s POV

“Mate, it’s fine, you’ll find her one day.” Niall tried to reassure me for probably the millionth time. 

“No, Niall. I left this damn town because she wasn’t here, and I still can’t fucking find her. It’s just not going to happen for me.” My voice cracked at the end as I tried to hold back the tears that threatened to expose my vulnerability.

“Harr-”

“Let’s just get to football practice.” I pushed passed him and headed towards the school oval. 

***

“Louis!” I called as Louis got the ball and began to dribble it down towards my position near the goal. He kicked it to me and I stuck my foot out, mustering as much force as I could in my swing to push it all the way. As it swung through the goal Liam came up behind me, patting me on the back.

“It’s good to have you back, man.” 

“It’s good to be back.” I said with a smile. I did miss my best friends.

Just as we were moving back to the middle of the football oval, I felt my stomach start to flutter, my heart rate picked up and my feet froze in place. 

“You okay, mate? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Louis asked, stopping beside Liam and I.

“Ye-Yeah. I’m fine, I just feel… I don’t know… weird.” I looked down at him in inquisitively, confusion surely lacing my features. He just nodded slightly, not really knowing what to say. Neither did I.

“Alright, come in,” Coach McNaughton called over, informing us of either an impending team meeting or new training idea of some sort. “Okay, I’m noticing that because it’s the first day back, you’re all sort of sticking to your usual friend groups and not playing together as a team. I’m going to split you into two random teams, Blue and Green, and we’ll play first to 3. Got it?” A chorus of ‘yes coach’ sounded around the team but I didn’t participate. I wouldn’t know what team I was on, I couldn’t tell the colours apart, all I saw was grey.

I slowly walked up to Coach McNaughton after everyone else had already received their sash, and gulped. I couldn’t help it, I was embarrassed that everyone else had found their soulmate and I hadn’t. Everyone else could see in colour and I couldn’t. I took the sash from him slowly, studying it intensely to see if I could tell any form of shade difference, but they were just too similar. 

“Is there a problem, Styles” Coach questioned. staring pointedly at me. 

“I-uh-I ca-”

“He can’t tell what colour he has. All he sees is black and white ‘cause hasn’t found his soulmate yet.” Aaron, the stereotypical popular jock dickhead, pointed out, making my face flush in embarrassment.

“Actually I can see black, white and grey.” I snapped back, making a few people snicker.

“Harry, you’re on Blue, my team.” Niall said sympathetically. 

“I can’t tell who’s who though.” I pointed out, shifting my gaze to Coach McNaughton. 

“Alright, Blue team, give me your sashes. It’s sashes against no sashes.”

***

“Good job, mate.” 

“Thanks, Nigel.” I laughed and he jokingly glared back at me. I was about to say something else when my face contorted into confusion once again, the feeling in the pit of my stomach had not gone away but it gradually kept getting stronger. 

I turned around and looked at all of my surroundings, my heart rate peaking when I looked over at the new bleachers, the crisp brightness of them making them stand out against the dark grey, almost black trees that lined the ground behind them. My eyes travelled down to the right side and I noticed a girl sitting on the ground, her back against the cool metal as she read the book in her lap. I swear I felt my heart stop and the puzzlement I felt only grew.

“Who’s that?” I asked no one in particular as Liam and Louis moved to join Niall and I.

“By the bleachers? That’s Y/n, she moved here about a year ago. Really sweet girl, quite quiet though, keeps to herself most of the time unless she’s with her friends.” Liam answered. The name sounded so beautiful and calming. Almost home-like and comforting, like I’d heard it before, like she was someone I knew.Except I was sure I had never met anyone by the name of Y/n before in my life.

“She sits there almost everyday by herself. I think her bus comes later or something so she just waits there.” Louis continued.

***

“See you tomorrow, Lads!” 

“See ya!”

“Bye, Harry!”

“Bye!” 

I pulled my phone from my pocket to check the time and text my mum as I made my way over to the far end of the oval, beginning my walk home. As I was walking I began humming the song that I had made up when I was 13 years old. When I wrote it I had been half asleep, I woke up at about 4 in the morning with the sudden urge to write a song and as soon as I had put my pen on the worn out page of my journal I just couldn’t stop writing. The words flowed from me like a river. Every word I wrote meant something and it ended in my mum coming into my room at about 5:30 telling me to stop playing the guitar so early. Of course I didn’t listen and after the fourth time of her coming in she got how important that time was for me. 

“Dammit. Get out of my head.” I heard a small, irritated whisper come from my left. I looked over to find the girl that I had been notified went by the name of Y/n, and what I was met with took my breath away, turning my world upside down and filling me with a feeling of warmth and complete happiness.

***

Your POV

The damn song started playing in my head again and like usual I couldn’t get the sweet harmony to stop.

“Dammit. Get out of my head.” The moment those words fell from my lips I felt like eyes were burning into me. The odd feeling in that I had been experiencing in the pit of my stomach over the last hour or so, intensifying and the pulsing feeling of my heart grew more rapid, the warmth of what felt like fire in my chest igniting.

I looked up and it was like my whole world froze, the first thing I saw was green. Green. Beautiful, emerald coloured eyes. I don’t even know how I was able to identify the colour, I somehow just knew. 

Slowly everything around me started to glow and flourish in a mixture of bright colours. As much as I wanted to shift my gaze and look at the new world around me, I couldn’t. I was too fixated on the boy with striking forest green eyes. Realisation suddenly hit me, knocking the air out of my lungs, an almost inaudible gasp escaping my lips. It was him. He’s my soulmate.

His face mirrored my own as he experienced the same recognition and astonishment I did. I could tell that he too had been waiting for this for a long time. But I couldn’t tell whether he was happy about it or not. 

When I was younger, before my primary trepidation became that of the fact that my soulmate may be dead because of how far behind everyone else I was, my fear was rejection. All at once the breathtakingly pleasant feelings of happiness and unearthing were wiped clean from my mind, anxiety and apprehension washing over me like a tsunami. I stood motionless, building back up the walls that had fallen what felt like hours ago when in reality it was merely seconds.

The tall boy with silky chocolate brown hair stood frozen as well, but I couldn’t see the fear in his eyes that I was sure laced my own. Just as quickly as my emotions had already altered, they shifted again when he began to smile. His wide grin was reassuring and like a breath of fresh air as well as completely and utterly contagious. I couldn’t help the shy smile that graced my own features at sight of his dimpled cheeks and crinkled eyes as he moved towards me carefully, as if I was a deer and he did not want to startle me. 

As he moved in front of me he gently lifted his hand to my cheek, his touch feather-like as he brushed his fingers against my skin.

Hey Angel.” 

I took in a sharp intake of breath as those words left his perfect, pink lips. Leaving me stunned at the irony of the song I grew to loathe because of the self-doubt it brought me, becoming one of my most treasured memories, all because the simple words of my soulmate.

“I’m Harry.” His voice was deep and heavenly, I could listen to it like a song on replay and never get tired of it.

“Y/n.” I managed to get out without much trouble at all, my usual hesitancy of talking to new people almost non-existent as I spoke to Harry like I’d known him my entire life.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” I felt my cheeks heat up at his words, the shade of pink undeniably visible, just like I had been told happened whenever someone was embarrassed or flushed, not like I’d ever seen it for myself before.

My girl.”  I suddenly felt a warm wetness slide down my cheek, tears that I hadn’t even been aware of were gathering in my eyes, falling over my eyelashes. Harry reached up to wipe them away, a look of concern etched onto his face. I gave him a reassuring smile to silently tell him that I wasn’t crying because I was sad, I was happy.

“I waited for you for so long.” I let out an exasperated laugh at the fantastical likeness of this whole situation that was in fact real, there was no doubt about that. It was Harry’s turn to blush and I finally got to see what I had felt not long before, the pink creeping up his neck, settling on his cheeks and ears.

“I know the feeling.”

~ ࿁ ~ 

Hey Angel, the song that I had once damned, the song that had once haunted me suddenly became my lullaby. The song Harry would sing to me every night, whether it be over the phone or with him laying right beside me, or even on the same guitar I had learnt that he had used when he wrote it. We didn’t know how or why I was able to hear it playing in my head whenever he sang it, hummed it or even thought about it but we knew that it was our song. Something only he and I shared. It’s amazing to share something like that, the way did before we even knew each other existed and the way we do now. It’s amazing to finally be able to see in colour like everyone else our age, the way the bright shades danced in the sunlight was something I would forever adore, and I knew Harry felt the same. But above all, it’s absolutely incredible to be able share an incomparable and unbreakable bond with someone, someone you know will love and cherish you the same way you do them, forever.  

I had just gotten used to the fact that maybe relationships just aren’t for me. I had just become comfortable in my own skin. I had just started to adjust to being on my own. I had just started to be fully independent….and then those feelings hit again. They hit me like a tsunami. Suddenly, I’m rethinking every word I say, changing my outfit three times before I go out, and seeing every other girl as someone I need to compete with. And dammit, I hate that this is happening again, and I hate you for being so oblivious.
—  But clearly I don’t really fully hate you, because if I did I wouldn’t be in this situation. (via dissembled-thoughts)
A Sky Full of Stars

“Where exactly are we?”

Casting my glance around the space–emphasis on space–yields no answers.

I take a moment to be petty that lately every astral interaction I’ve had starts with me, clueless as a baby and playing twenty questions with whichever unfortunate sap is stuck babysitting me that day.

“Memory soup,” my companion says wryly, dragging her hand through the liquid starry blackness around her. Ripples follow the trails of her fingertips.

This may have been alarming all its own, but the fact that the Magician is currently slowly moving sideways as if driven by invisible winds as she sits, cross legged in midair and leaning to a 45 degree angle is overall the more disconcerting image.

“Are you…floating?”

The girl looks down at herself, considering. “Sure seems that way,” she concedes.

An entire set of Encyclopedia Britannicas rudely interrupts, spinning lazily between us. I’m reminded of ducklings, as they all seem to follow each other in proper fashion. We both take a moment to track the movement.

The blonde girl slowly sips from the teacup in her lap, shaking her head at the display.

“Where did you get the tea, again?”

The blonde glances down again, as if mildly perturbed she didn’t notice sooner.

“Fucked if I know.” She takes another rueful sip, both confused and angry at once, perhaps at the tea.

“I haven’t quite…figured out the rules yet,” she says, gesturing vaguely at the space around her, her glance calculating, a mathematician’s stare.

“Quickly figured out that if I try to move forward–” she demonstrates, making to hoist herself up “–the world actually pushes you into a tangent path instead.“

She starts floating away from me this time, and I reflectively want to reach out and grasp her arm, but stop myself.

“However– if I push backward on purpose–see? ” She’s floating gently towards me again, trailing stars in her wake. She looks enraptured. “Fascinating.”

As amused as I am seeing her in her element, a scientist to the last, I need to have answers.

“What happened last night?”

She places her tea down again, adopting a professor’s air. “The best I can describe it is you exploded out, then to finish it off you compressed in–” (my mind flashes white, lightning strikes of sensations, of suffocating, of being held down–) ”–and in that last instant, you created…this…and took us all in with you. Like a very small scale Big Bang.“

She sends me an image of a black hole, sucked into the eye of a needle with an audible pop.

I’ve been tracking the Magician’s slow ascent across my field of vision to a place somewhere above and to my left as she speaks. She’s been in constant, unconscious motion, despite her posture.

Suddenly, I glance down too. Everything seems to be in the proper place, long white limbs and all. But immobile.

“Why aren’t I moving?”

“This world quite literally revolves around you, so you’re the anchor. The epicenter. ” She cocks her head at me. “We seem to be the passengers in this–”

“Pocket universe?” I supply the word for her.

She nods. Close enough.

“That makes you the Queen.” She does a very exaggerated mock-bow. “M’lady.” Her eyes shimmer with mirth.

“If you ever say that again, we’re getting a divorce.”

She chuckles at my joke, a reference to another time. We both understand. 

A grand piano disrupts my focus again as it spins, end over end, behind Magician’s halo of blonde hair. I’m absorbed in wondering who let it loose in here when the other girl moves.

She appears to dust herself off and come to a stand, as much as one can in an Escher world of dark streaks of stars and milky bands of space.

“Well, then. We should get going.”

She extends a hand to me, and after a few mishaps of moving sideways to move forward, and a few near misses, I collide awkwardly into her chest.

“Oof. Have you been lifting weights in here or something?” I ask her, looking up into her face.

She actually smirks at me, the ass. “It’s your world, you tell me.”

“Magician, that’s gay.”

“No,” she murmurs, tilting my face up to meet hers. “This is.”

She plants a gentle kiss on me and her eyes are mischievous all the while, gray and blue and dancing.

I question her to cover my burning cheeks.

“So was this why I couldn’t sleep last night?”

“Well, if I was a betting man I would say the odds are strongly for.”

Her face drops all pretense of joking, and I find I miss it terribly. Everything has been too much, too serious, lately.

“If you were a betting man?” I question her, the disbelief contained within. I suddenly wonder if she would be one, here.

She scoffs and shakes her head.

“I don’t like situations where I can’t influence the odds.”

(I flash back to a girl against a tsunami, a single figure digging in the sands of time, a hacker, a bodyguard, and an undeserving queen.)

“Stop it,” she says, chiding me. She’s always been able to tell when she’s losing me. Her gentle eyes look back to find mine. “It had nothing to do with deserving.”

I smile a tiny smile for her.

Her voice echoes and anchors me both as we traverse a Milky Way hallway that extends far into the black abyss of this plane. It feels dangerous, like an edge or a precipice, and I feel woozy if I’m too close to the invisible razor edge of the walkway.

She grabs my hand to keep me from floating off, like she can sense my itchiness. I feel like a child, tugged along by a taller, more certain Magician. Instead, I focus on the striking cut of her brilliant blue and silver coat and how it falls across the tense line of her shoulders.

The color suits her. Makes her look more like the Writer than herself, or even the White Queen. The thought feels like pain, though I can’t fathom why.

“Where are we going?” I ask, surprising myself again. I’m jumpy here, too.

“Not where, I think, but when.

I suspect this is a timeline–a hall of memory. I think somewhere, the ‘when’ – one of your major memories broke, and this all happened as a result. It’s likely it needs repair, and that’s why I’m here.”

She slows, considering the long rows of identical dark doorways lining either side of our passage. Thinking, always thinking. She’s always had a steel fortress behind her eyes.

I stop with her, looking out over a kingdom of nothingness; a sky full of stars and nothing beneath. Perhaps this is what I am, at the purest form.

I consider her profile, the unearthly blue light playing across her face, softening the worry there, and I think I’m glad that she always comes, even when she’s late.

She seems to shake herself and flashes me a charming smile. “Now,” she says, disrupting my reverie. “Let’s see if we can’t put you back together again.”

I love the idea that in Greek mythology, that Persephone was not this complete pushover that became Hades little plaything. In fact, the view I have of her is that she got a taste of the power and took a liking to it. She banished a man to the Field of Asphodel instead of Elysium and while she felt a little bit guilty, she mostly felt powerful.

After a while it became apparent to Hades that this sweet little thing he thought he had married was actually a sweeping monarch who fit her throne like a pen cap fits a pen. She was spoilt rotten growing up and it was showing in her nearly ruthless rule. Though she could be more merciful on occasion (she had a thing for reckless romance) she was mostly known for her rule as the Queen of the Underworld. When she left to stay with her mother, while Hades would miss his wife terribly he couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. 

When she spent time with her mother, she brought with her the arrival of spring. Except, now that she was this powerful goddess, her tantrums were something to be feared as they manifested in the form of tsunamis and heat waves.

Honestly, I think Persephone became something to be feared.

[Mark] Teacher's Pet (Chapter 74)

All Chapters

I feel it in my gut, it’s Olivia, his ex. He must have seen her walking out, he knows I’ve seen her. His reaction will say it all. My heart jumping in my chest, I open the door of the restroom, and find an agitated Mark pacing up and down. His hair is a mess, indicating he’s ran his hands through it and pulled at it. He stops dead in his tracks and looks up at me, eyes wide with alarm. He says it all.

“It’s her, isn’t it?” I ask. “It’s Olivia.” I murmur. The absence of frown, the lack of confusion on his face, the way he just gapes at me. He’s so busted.

“Abby-”

“You’re seeing her?!” I splutter, a wave of anger sweeping through me.

“No!” He cries, walking to me. “No, it’s not like this.” He says. So he did see her multiple times, he is in contact with her. Why?

“Come, let’s go home.” He takes my hand, but I yank it out of his grip.

“You saw her yesterday.” I mutter. The sound of voices make us look at a couple who’s walking towards the restroom.

“Not now, please. Let’s go home.” Mark says more quietly, taking my hand again. I obey, because I know this is not the right place to do this.

I’m fuming by the time Jacob, our occasional driver closes the door of the car. Mark sits next to me on the backseat, squeezing my hand. I completely shut him out, gazing out the window the whole way home.

I can’t believe it. I can’t believe he’s seeing her. Olivia, the woman who used to beat him, the woman who’s one of the causes of his psychological issues. I can’t believe he’d want to see her.

One again, he did all of it behind my back. Even if he had a good reason to see her, he hided it from me. He’s a sneaky son of bitch.

Why? Why would he want to see her? He saw her yesterday. He saw her yesterday and missed my graduation ceremony. He went to Seattle because of her. He chose her over me.

He chose this woman over me.

I love him with all of my soul, and she used to beat him, yet he chose her.

It feels like being stabbed in the heart, and the knife keeps twisting with ever thought bouncing in my head. He was with her. What did he do with her?

It’s the second time I find out he has contact with one of these women I despise. The second time he hides it from me. What is he looking for by them? Why attracts him to them like this? Why does he keep going back to them?

Ellie was a thing. But Olivia, that woman. The person I hate the most on heart. That is something else. I’m not sure I can overcome this. Whatever this is.

Will I ever get past that betrayal, of whatever nature it is? Can I survive this betrayal?

I’ve lost all my words by the time we come home, and I feel exhausted, both emotionally and physically. My lips firmly sealed, I kick my heels off, slip out of my dress, throw on a satin nightdress, brush my hair, tie it up, then erase my make up and brush my teeth. Mark doesn’t come bother me, wandering somewhere in the apartment. Of course he doesn’t come to me, because he’ll have to explain, and I know he dreads this conversation. When I’m done, I make my way down the hallway into his office. Then I sit down on his desk and contemplate my wall.

When things are not okay between Mark and I, I come here and sit down. It brings me back to what I know, that he loves me and that he doesn’t want to hurt me. It doesn’t make the wound it my heart hurt less, but gives me purpose to fight. I don’t know if I’ll push through this, hut I have to try.

The door opens and I turn my head in its direction, finding Mark standing in the doorway, changed in nothing but some sports shorts.

“You came late to the graduation ceremony because you were with her.” I say, my eyes cold and hard.

“I didn’t sleep with her.” He murmurs quietly, closing the door behind him.

“I still feel betrayed and cheated on.”

“I understand.” He replies.

“What did you do with her?”

“I take care of her. Financially.” He says.

“What?”

“I regularly give her money.” He explains. What the hell?

“She doesn’t need money!” I snap pushing myself of his desk.

“She’s ruined.” He counters.

“I take care of her business, and I’ll give it back to her when it starts working again. But for now she needs my help.”

She needs his help? And he cares? He fucking cares for her? Suddenly, I feel like my heart is being crushed in my chest.

“You…” I start, but my throat is blocked, and through air drains out of my lungs. He cares for her. He cares for her.

“You…” I stutter. His brow ceases, and he takes a step forward, reaching out to me.

“Breathe, Abby.” He coos, grabbing my shoulders.

“Don’t touch me!” I jerk away from his touch and turn on my heels, walking ti the windows. Running a hand through my hair, I sigh deeply. I really don’t know how to handle this.

“Her husband left her because she was crazy.” He continues. “That made her mental problems even worse, and she fucked up her life. She came to me.” He says.

“When?” I ask without looking back at him. The only answer I get is silence.

“When?” I snap, turning to glare at him.

“Remember the red-haired woman who broke inside my old apartment?” He asks. It was her? He told me they never caught her!

“She confessed to me three years ago. She came to office and cried, she said she was going to kill herself.” He explains. So, this has been going on for three whole years? This, whatever it is, feels as wrong as an affair.

“She needs doctors, not your money.” I say slowly.

“She won’t go the hospital.” He sighs.

“Can I know how long you planned to keep that up behind my back?” I ask. This is the problem with him. He hides things from me and when I find out, he’s sorry. I always have to forgive, he never makes the effort of telling me.

I don’t know how I would have reacted if he had told me from the start, but all I know now is that he’s a sneaky bastard.

“Try to understand-”

“You lied to me!” I utter. He wants me to understand?! I would never lie to him about something like this. I would never support someone who made me feel suicidal.

“It never made me happy. I wasn’t pleased to hide it from you.” He says. Oh, like someone had forced him!

“Then why?”

“I don’t want my past to stain my future.” He murmurs.

“She’s not your past, she’s your present!” I shout. “She’s here, right now!”

“By not telling you, I was keeping some distance.” He replies calmly, not fazed. I groan, running both hands in my hair, my head feeling like it’s about to explode, emotion sweeping though me like a tsunami.

“How can you do this?” I ask. “How can you take care of her after what she did to you?”

I see his expression change, going from calm yet apologetic to straight, giving nothing away.

“I beat her.” He says quietly.

“Don’t even go there.” I raise my index at him. We’ve had this discussion countless times, and I hate that I can never make him change his mind.

“She’s a woman, and I hit her.” He articulates. She deserved it! So that’s why he’s giving her money? Because he feels bad? Wait.

“She’s holding it against you, isn’t she?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at him. “That bitch is blackmailing you!”

“No, I’m holding it against myself.” He retorts. “I feel responsible for her.” He says.

“You’re not!”

“Maybe I’m not, but that’s how I feel.” He says. So, it’s always going to be like this. I realize it now, all the progress he made went away when she reappeared. One step forward three steps back.

How can he possibly free himself from his past if it’s constantly begging for money?

“Stop taking care of her.” I order. That’s not something I do a lot, ordering him. But he’s going way too far and he hurt me. There’s no way I’m living with this weight, so there’s only one option.

“I can’t.” He says softly. He can’t. He doesn’t want to. I nod, not finding anything to say, absorbing it all. This is the last drop before the vase overflows. I decide I’ve had enough, and walk past him to the door.

“Abigail.” He admonishes, grabbing my wrist. I stop and turn to him.

“Stop taking care of her.” I repeat. He opens his mouth be no sound comes out for a moment.

“It’s just money.” He says. It’s just money. And it’s just Olivia Russet. Of course.

“Stop taking care of her!” I shout, losing my patience. He gazes at me for a long moment, his eyes filled with sadness, and slowly, he shakes his head.

“That’s it.” He say more quietly, my voice failing me, my throat tightening, tears wildly pouring out of my eyes. “Choose her over me.” I mutter, yanking my arm free from his grip. I turn on my heels and storm about of his office.

“I’m not choosing anyone over you.” He calls after me.

“Abby!” He shouts, following me into our bedroom.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” I mutter, my voice shaky because of my tears. I circle the bed and get to my side, flipping the covers.

“I’m not choosing her over you.” He repeats, but I’m not listening. He’s wrecked me and I need to cry this out before I go crazy. I slip under the covers and curl myself into a ball, giving my back to him.

The bed dips and I feel him close to me, his breath against my ear.

“Are you going to ignore me now?” He asks, I don’t reply, crying silently, trying to shut him out.

“She threw a fit yesterday, she threatened to hurt herself if I left.” He explains, his voice soft.

“I didn’t want to miss the ceremony, you know it.” He says. No. I don’t know anything anymore.

“Stop supporting her.” I plead one last time, before letting the tears take over. I break into more tears, sobbing, my whole body shaking violently. Mark slips under the covers next to me, and then I feel his arms around me.

“Let me hold you.” He pleads.

“Don’t touch me.” I sob, but I don’t have the strength to push him away. I’m not sure I want to, because he’s the inly one who can stop me from hurting. But he says he can’t.

“I want to hold you.” He murmurs, turning me around so I’m facing him. He cradles me against his chest, and I bury my face in his neck, crying myself to sleep while he keeps repeating he’s sorry. He’s both the pain and the cure.

-

I wake, wrapped around warmth and safety. My head is pounding, and my eyes feel heavy. Slowly, I drag them open, finding myself sprawled over Mark, my arm and leg over his body. Last night’s memories come back to me instantly, and the ache in my chest starts again. “Hi.” Mark murmurs, pulling my eyes up to his.

“Morning.” I reply, rolling onto my back stretching.

“Are your okay?” He asks, kissing my temple.

“I’m still mad at you.” I mumble, putting a hand on his chest but not pushing him away. Mad being an understatement.

“Alright.” He sighs, pulling away from me. “I’ll go make breakfast.” He declares, and with that he’s out of bed and into the bathroom.

I linger under the covers for a moment, still tired from last night. Olivia comes to my mind, and I shake my head vigorously, not wanting to start my Sunday with her. I don’t want to think about her. After ten minutes, I find the strength and get out of bed, tidying it before brushing my teeth. After washing my face et redoing my ponytail, I adventure myself in the living area. There are two glasses, a bottle of apple juice and two plates in the breakfast bar, and the kitchen smells like sweet pancakes. Mark is busy over the stove.

I perch myself on one of the stools, and Mark drops a plate of pancakes in front of me.

“Pancakes.” He declares.

“Thank you.”

He takes place in front of me, and we eat a heavy, yet telltale silence. I focus on my breakfast, deliberately shutting him out, not wanting to deal with anything for now. I feel like we stay like this for an eternity.

“Talk to me.” Mark sighs, dropping his fork and knife. I look up at him impassively.

“I know you’re mad at me. Let it out, yell at me. Just talk to me. I hate not knowing what you’re thinking.” He murmurs.

“How would you feel if I you found out I support Liam financially?” I ask him, wanting him to understand why I’m quiet, and wanting him to get a taste of his own medicine.

His eyes widen a little, and then his features harden, his jaw clenching. He says nothing.

“Exactly. I’m speechless.” I say.

“How long are you going to give the silent treatment?” He sighs again. Frankly, I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m ever going to push through this.

“I don’t know how to deal with this.” I say in a way of explanation.

“That puts us in an impasse.” He remarks.

You put us in an impasse.” I retort.

“It doesn’t change anything between you and me.” He murmurs. “I’m still the same, I’m madly in love with you. I’m not having an affair with her.” He says.

“She was acting very cocky.”

“It’s her character.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “She wasn’t supposed to be there. I moved her to Seattle and she wasn’t supposed to come to LA.” He says.

“You moved her?”

“Distance.” He reminds me. An apple phone rings, and since mine is in our bedroom, I know it’s his. He pulls it out of his shorts and looks at the ID.

“Excuse me.” He says before leaving the room. I sigh, feeling drained. I’m not hungry anymore.

Picking up my plate, I walk to the bean and throw the last half of my pancake away before putting my plate in the sink. I walk past his office as I head back to the bedroom to take a shower.

I stop in front of his office.

Why did he go to his office to take this call. He never does that. He always answers his calls in front of me, because he doesn’t want to leave me, and I always have the one to walk away. It’s her.

I press my ear against the door to listen to his conversation.

“I’m not joking, Olivia. You come close to her again, and I’m done with you.” His voice resonates. It’s her! He stays quiet for a moment.

“No.” He sighs. Silence.

“Liv.” He says, his tone softer that before. So she’s Liv now? Where is the ‘you’re the one whom I want to use the nickname’ bullshit?

“Livy, listen to me.” He pleads. More silence.

“I do, I do.” He says reassuringly. He started of firm and confident, and know he’s cooing.

“Just don’t come near her again, okay?” He says. Silence.

“How much?” He asks. I gasp. She wants money. Money to stay away from me? No. Not possibly.

“Alright, you have it.” He says. “Bye.”

I quickly jump away from the door, rushing back to the breakfast bar. I sit back on my stool and wait for him.

Seeing how she destabilizes his authoritative self, I under this goes way deeper than I thought. He’s acting as if he’s under her control. But then she’s not blackmailing him. What the hell is it?

I need answers. Psychological answers.

Mark comes out moments later, sitting across me.

“Does Dr Davis know about this?” I ask him. A positive answer would have made me mad, because it would have meant he had no intention of telling me, but now I need to know Davis knows what’s going on.

“Yes.” He confesses.

“What does he say?”

“He understands.” He says confidently.

“He understands.” I snort.

“You don’t believe me?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

“Should I?” I challenge. Seeing how he plays with my trust. And I know how he would love Davis to be on his side

“Yes.” He snaps.

“Well, I don’t.”

“You’ll have to, because he’s under medical secret and won’t tell you about it.”

“When is your next appointment?”

“Not until two weeks.” He says. Two weeks? When he’s supposed to see him once a week?

“Why?”

“Because we are leaving for a week.” He says slowly. We’re leaving? What? Oh! He’s talking about our fuck week. That is definitely off the program.

“I thought it was self-obvious that I don’t want to leave with you anymore. Don’t even ask why.” “We’ll work things out.” “No. We work things out before. I’m not leaving, end of.” I snap, and he opens his mouth to retort something.

“Don’t even try to argue with me.” I grind out, raising a threatening index finger at him. He closes his mouth and sighs, leaning back.

“So what now? What do we do?” He asks, throwing his hands in the air in emphasis.

“You go to work, and I’ll find something to make myself busy.” I reply. How funny is this? Me sending him to work when I was desperate to keep him naked in bed? It’s okay, because now I don’t want to have him 24/7 with me.

Plus, I had forgotten I have an appointment with Dr Miller for my birth control shot. I had to push it back a week later because of my exams and she scolded me because I always reschedule, and it’s important to take my shot every twelve weeks. She made me promise not to have sex before our appointment, and when I said yes, I didn’t think I’d feel so horny after reconnecting with Mark.

Two weeks late the maximum I should be, and I have 70% chances to get pregnant during that period. I initially had planned to fuck all week, I would have been doomed for sure.

Mark’s lips form a grim line, and I know he’s not pleased with me sending him to work, but he wisely says nothing.

“Why do you want me to go see Davis anyway? What does he have to do with this?” He asks.

“I want to go see him with you.” I explain.

“So you can hear what he thinks of it?”

“Exactly.”

His eyes harden and his jaw clenches, sign of his building anger.

“And so you can build your own diagnostic?” He spits. I know he’s sensitive about how I handle his problems, we’ve had enough fights about it. But he’s not in the right position to get mad at me. When I glare at him, he glares right back at me.

“I’m not your fucking patient.” He mutters, and I lose it. Not even trying to stop the angry tears that are springing to my eyes, I lean on my elbows and look straight in his blazing eyes.

“What you did, what you’re still doing, affects me, badly.” I say quietly, keeping my tone even despite the lump in my throat. My tears flow, but I don’t care.

“You want me to live with it, well I’m trying to understand.” I explain, and see the fire of anger in his eyes turn into guilt and sadness.

“I want to understand why you need this so much that you expect me to live with with that pain.” I add, my voice cracking at the end of my sentence, betraying the turmoil of emotion inside me. Leaning forward again, he takes my tear-stained face in his hands.

“I’m sorry I’m hurting you.” He murmurs sincerely, his eyes reflecting pain. “You have to understand it was never my intention.” He says, wiping my tears away with his thumbs.

“But you knew it would hurt me.” I retort as he rises and circles the breakfast bar to stand in front of me.

“Yes.” He confesses, grabbing my face again. So he knew he would hurt me, he knows he’s hurting me, but he can’t stop.

“Then why?” I ask, more tears falling out of my eyes.

“Do you need her that much?”

“No!” He shakes his head vigorously. “No, I don’t need her at all. I need you, you know I only need you.” He murmurs.

“Then what is it?”

“I…” He starts, and for one second I think he’s going to explain, give me answers, erase my pain. His eyes search actively into mine, and then he says.

“I’m sorry.”

Handle with care.. Somewhere in September

I have a tendency to fall for words. But this time, i fell for his actions and then got crushed by his words.. Have you ever had strong feelings for someone and realize that those feelings dont matter to them anymore? That its not what they want? But then they kiss you, and you realize again how strong those feelings are? I thought i was moving forward, letting things go and doing me, but when he kissed me last night, everything came rushing back like a tsunami flooding the shore and city. . Like a flash flood hitting a freeway .. Or an echo that causes an avalanche.. My feelings never changed , kinda how when lava hits water it turn into molded rock and sizzles..

10

It all seemed to be reasonably alright until

the pool had to be evacuated, everyone fled in panic because the tsunami was real and murasakibara just kind of remained sat in the middle of the empty pool. it was a shitty idea, and they will never try anything other than basketball ever again

Bonus: 

Haru is taking none of the Emperor’s shit

I am so sorry about this

friesian-girl  asked:

What about emotional tsunamis? As a Fe-aux (INFJ) I experience those more I'd like to. I'm constantly surrounded by negative people. I'm like a sponge. Instantly I feel their feelings as mine. For a long time I thought I had self-esteem issues. But I don't. When I'm alone I feel OK. Surrounded by people and my self-esteem hits the absolute bottom. Do ISFJs have similar problems?

Firstly, let me bring you into a little secret: you don’t feel their feelings as yours. Your Fe is projecting what you expect them to be feeling onto them. In other words, they might not be feeling what you think they are feeling.

I once told someone something and they turned to me, certain I was upset, and said, “Oh, I am so sorry! That must be so hard for you!” And I just stared at them with a confused look on my face and asked, “Why? I don’t care about that.” They gave me a patronizing look and patted my hand and said, “Oh, it’s okay to admit that you care.” “But I don’t,” I insisted. They didn’t believe me. Truth is, I was not faking not caring. I actually didn’t (and don’t) care. But being Fe, they assumed my feelings and I shrugged it off.

Now, as Fe… we tend to do that. We hear something, calibrate in our head how someone is SUPPOSED TO BE FEELING ABOUT IT (Fe and Ti), and then assume they are, so we super-impose this belief over reality. And this tends to really, really piss off Fi-users (they don’t like you assuming their feelings)… and confuse Fe-users, who just go away wondering, “Why did they assume that?”

Now, having said that, yes, Fe is impacted by its emotional environment, and when confronted with REAL FEELINGS it soaks them up and its mood shifts. People cry, you cry. You come to work all happy only to find everyone miserable and angry, your happy mood goes away and you start snapping at people, too. You cannot always stop this two way street of mirroring emotions and piling projections on top of them, because it’s just so easy to get sucked into it. You read The Fault in My Stars and start thinking about cancer, and people dying, and how hard that must be, and all the feelings that these kids are going through and the next thing you know you’re crying rivers of tears.

But… it’s not automatic. You choose to invest in it. You choose to see it as real. You choose to validate those emotions and let them continue on. It takes your focus for them to become ‘real’ in your mind and produce an emotional result. And because you are a Fe-aux, you have way less control over your reactions than a Fe-dom does (and those with Fe lower than you have even less control over these feelings and how they manifest), which means… you cry easier than a Fe-dom might. Your dominant perceiving function is detached from reality and contributes to the projection of Fe, by feeding it information. But you also have a potentially strong Ti, which you can use to rationalize through these feelings and banish them.

Still, I don’t think you should ‘see it’ in terms of lacking self-esteem, because you now know what is happening… you’re just mirroring and assuming things, and projecting emotions onto the circumstances and individuals around you. If it bothers you, you can learn to control it by developing your Ti so that before your emotions are triggered you can rationalize them (is this imaginary? are they really feeling that? do I want to feel this right now? is it worth having this emotion? what can I do to change the environment?).

Short response: yes, ISFJs also have this problem… but we can all learn to get control over it, if we really want to.

Pilot to my Ship.

We all know about the pilot chapter Tite-sama created that was rejected-blah blah-and came back to be the Bleach we all know and love.

Originally posted by daysitaa

And personally, I am going to explain why this Pilot Chapter brought the Ichihime feels back like a tsunami. Lol, this was a long time ago. But I’ll bring back my feels.

The fact that Orihime was one of the main characters that stayed, along with her feelings toward Ichigo got me right in the heart. No joke, I was surprised she was introduced in the manga and on the first chapter rather than later on.

And we had Ichigo ask about her father, and she is still acting like a blushing dork. No need to be embarrassed Ichigo.

Ugh, my heart can’t take your obliviousness Ichigo. Or the way you speak about her…but please go on. After all she is just a classmate…don’t worry about her.

I wasn’t even surprised Rukia hinted on his own feelings-but you know-my opinion.

They are so f*cking cute, and then I was subjected to see them still be the adorable dorks around each other.

Like, Seriously…you two…


Rukia teasing Ichigo with his own feelings for Orihime…she still does it here and there in the manga. But right here I was shot with shipper bullets.

Yeah, sure Ichigo she is only just a classmate

“Just a classmate”..that’s why you wish luck for her…which is sweet.

But did you really need to bring up how sad you would be when you would see her off-how you forced yourself not to cry for her…

I love how he sweeps in like a bad-ass-no a knight in shining armor-to save Orihime. I feel this nostalgic memory or deja vu…

At least here, he wasn’t clueless and understood that Orihime likes him

Oh my…I cried a little

But then I got the cute feels overwhelm me once more (plus some Rukia being adorable as always <3).

I can’t…I just can not take these cute dorks.

Orihime…you should have let him take in the fact you love him. My silly Hime

This only fueled my Ichihime heart, if that’s even possible.