I went to university when I was 18, and I studied English literature and language, so I had a little bit of a break in that period. I tried to [act in university] actually, and I kept auditioning for things, and then I wouldn’t get the part. So I sort of gave up a little bit and just went to the pub and had a good time instead.
“I’m not angry at you, just at myself… Because I knew this would happen, but I let myself fall in love with you anyways.” for Moriel (I don't know if I'm ready for this)
(…….I apologise in advance for what’s to follow…Sad. Very sad. Seriously. Avert ur eyes now if this is maybe not ur cup of tea. EXTREME SADNESS (ie death) WARNING.)
The cool, crisp fresh air of the Illyrian mountains is a welcome balm upon her feverish, sweaty skin. Mor pauses, drawing out this moment just a little longer, when she winnows onto the base of the high, sharply sloping hill. He waits for her at the top but she indulges, savouring the sweet, rich taste of the air. She’s been trapped inside too long, a cage of her own making, for her own penance but…For him she had let herself loose this day, this one day.
Her calves burn as she sets to climbing, higher, higher, higher, panting for breath halfway up. She should just turn around, go back, try again another day, she isn’t ready for this, she isn’t strong enough, she’s never been strong enough for this but- But she has to do it today. She has to.
The soft fingers of wind that had murmured at her in Velaris are replaced by a different monster out here. This gale tugs sharply at her hair, tossing it, unbound as it is, into great clouds of gold, curling around her head, a halo gilded by the sun overhead, one she doesn’t deserve. It tears at her dress, loose and uncharacteristically plain, pure white and simply cut. Her feet are bare, the harsh grass of these lands grazes against her skin but she barely notices.
Her heart is in her throat as she reaches the crest of the hill, her chest is tight, her body shaking. She clenches her firsts. She can do this. She can do this. She’s survived everything else this world has thrown at her in the past. She can survive this too….If she does…She’ll know she can survive anything.
With small, slow, tremulous steps, she approaches him, sitting down beside him she bows her head, tugging at her pendent, squeezing the smooth stone tight in her palm, rubbing her thumb absently over it again and again, letting that help steady her pounding heart.
Staring straight ahead of her, the wind falling silent, as though the world holds its breath and waits for her to speak, to say the words she’s kept inside her heart for five hundred years at long last. “I’m sorry,” she begins tremulously, “I should have come to see you sooner than this I…I know that.” She swallows tightly, still staring at the landscape around her. Beautiful. Wild and untamed and utterly raw. She understands why he’d wanted it to be here. It’s perfect.
“I hope you can forgive me,” she breathes, fingers absently tugging up long strands of grass, weaving them together, needing to keep her hands busy as she says this, give herself something else to look at. “I know you understand why- It was…It hard. It hurt. I hurt and I needed some time I…I hope you can forgive me,” she says again. She knows in her heart that he will but…The words are spilling from her and she’s barely in control of the torrent that escapes her. They’ve been kept inside for too long. They know themselves what she needs to tell him, better than she knows herself.
“But I’m here now,” she says, voice a little stronger with that admission. She’s doing it. She’s surviving it. This isn’t breaking her, it can’t, it won’t, she won’t allow it to. “There’s something I have to tell you, Azriel…Something I should have told you..So long ago but…We weren’t ready. I’m still not ready but…I have to say it. I have to.”
He won’t interrupt her now, not now that she’s finally begun. She has all the time in the world to say this to him. The only small blessing from everything that’s come crashing down around them all recently.
Swallowing, Mor forces herself to suck in a deep breath, her lungs protest, seeming to be made of stone, burning as she tries to keep herself going, as though even her body wants to give up. No. No she can do this. For him. She can do this.
“I’m not angry at you,” she begins slowly, “Because I know how you like to take the blame for everything, Az, but that’s not happening here. I was. I was furious with you for doing this to me but now…I’m not angry at you….Just at myself…” It shouldn’t be this hard, not after all this time, not after everything that’s happened. It shouldn’t be this hard. “Because-” She falters. Gulps down another desperate breath. Tries again. “Because I knew this would happen,” maybe not this precisely but…She had known. She had known that this path led only to destruction for her, that she would end up with her heart shattered and her soul in ashes and she had…She had.
“But I let myself fall in love with you anyway,” she finishes, closing her eyes and letting the weight of those words, finally loosed into the world, crash over her at last.
“It was worth it,” she says, nodding firmly. “I’m angry right now because it hurts, because I hate that I didn’t try harder to let go of you, because that would have made this so much easier but…Deep down…I know it was worth it. I know that I wouldn’t change anything. I did the right thing.” Even though she’s not sure she’ll ever be the same again, even though she feels as though a part of her has died, she still knows that she’s made the right choice all these years, that now was the moment to tell him, and not before. He hadn’t been ready. She hadn’t been ready. And Cauldron…if she’d tried to push him…What might have happened? What might she have become? This is better. No matter how much she aches…This is better.
The wind howls mournfully around them, sweeping over the rolling hills that surround them and she closes her eyes, letting it carry her away, for just a moment, just a moment on its back.
“I love, Az,” she whispers, as the sky darkens above them and that familiar hush falls over the world. “I’ve loved you every day for more than five hundred years. And now it’s over. Now it’s done. And I-” she breaks off, blinking away tears. “I’ll get through this. I know you’d want me to. And you damn well better appreciate it because I have no idea how I’m going to do that but…but I will.”
She opens her eyes again, turns at last to face him, “I will,” she breathes, stretching out a hand, “Because I love you. Because I will always love you.” Her hand presses flat against the rough stone, the carvings etched into it fresh and raw, not yet smoothed and weathered by time. She lets her fingertip trace every letter, his name, and the runes that follow.
Azriel. Brother. Friend. Partner. ‘The noblest act in this world is also the saddest; that of burning yourself to the ground to ensure those you protect will never feel the cold.’
She had chosen the words to go on the headstone, words from one of his favourite poems. Rhys and Cassian had both agreed with her decision at once. She had carved them here herself using her magic. A trained stonemason could have done it better but…It had been right that she had done it. He had deserved that. One last gift from her to him, the least she could do after what he gave for them all.
It’s been weeks since his death. She should have been here with him every damn day, should never have left his side. But the last time she managed to rise from bed was the day of his funeral. Since then she’s remained there, shut away, refusing to talk to anyone, barely eating, sleeping too much because she dreams of him and doesn’t want to wake for too long to endure the pain of living in this world without him.
But tonight…Tonight is their night. Starfall. She’s spent every single one with him since they met. An accident for perhaps the first fifty years, then a tradition the two of them had strictly enforced. Missions and wars and kings and high lords alike had waited upon them for this one day, this one day. She couldn’t let him down. She had forced herself out of bed, not answering Cassian and Rhys’ surprised exclamations at breakfast, and had made her way out here to be with him.
The sky darkens overhead and the first spirits begin to crest above her. She wonders if he might be among them. She hopes he is. She hopes that he’s still able to fly, at least this once, wherever he is now.
“You’d best be waiting for me,” she finds herself whispering, her hand still pressed against the stone, resting over his name. “When I see you on the other side you better be there, Azriel, you better be ready and you better kiss me so damn hard I feel like I’m dying all over again, do you hear me?” Her voice catches, tears clogging her throat, choking off the rest of her words and she forces them all down, sitting there, tears streaming from her eyes, one hand still clutching onto him the entire time.
She lets the rest of the night pass in total silence, watching the spirits drift down lazily from the heavens. She sees one star, burning a brighter blue than the others, lingering longer, seeming to drag itself back across the sky, forcing itself to remain longer for her so that she finds him, knows that he’s keeping up this tradition too, that he’s here with her tonight just as he’s here with her.
She remains on that hill all night, longer after the world has faded back into darkness, huddled against his grave. She doesn’t cry. All her tears are spent. She just sits beside him, holding onto him, letting the silence stretch.
By the time Cassian comes for her in the morning she can no longer feel the cold. The boom of wings overhead has her thinking, for just a moment, that it might be him. But the tread of footsteps is off, Cassian always so much heavier and more decisive than Az, who might have hovered everywhere for all the noise he made.
When he reaches her he brushes the tips of his fingers over the gravestone, his tribute to his fallen brother. Without a word he gently scoops her up into his arms. She doesn’t resist him, just lies limply against him as he flares his wings and takes off. As he flies them home she asks him quietly, through tears she hadn’t realised had begun to fall again, if he saw him last night as well. Cass nods, thickly murmuring that he did.
Mor can’t help herself looking up as they fly home. She wonders if he’s still watching over them, then assures himself that he must be. Not even death could stop him from protecting those he loves; his family. She prays, though, that he manages to find some peace, some time for himself. And that she sees him again soon. This world is colder, harsher, without him in it. Strange, how the loss of a shadowsinger could leave her world so devoid of light and full of darkness. But she will see him again. And in the meantime…In the meantime she’ll live, as she would have wanted…She’ll live and find ways to show him she loves him every day so that when they find each other again…They’ll be ready.
[TRANS/INTERVIEW] GRAZIA Magazine April 2017 Edition - Himchan & Daehyun
B.A.P Himchan and Daehyun’s relationship is much like that of ‘Tom and Jerry’. It turns out that B.A.P fans have already compared them to such from a long time back. At the sight of them bickering without rest, (we) asked “(what if you guys) fight at this rate,” Himchan and Daehyun both answered at the same time, “this is playing!” and caused a big laugh.
Daehyun’s thighs vs Jongup’s butt If you absolutely had to have one…, Jongup’s butt. I’ll refuse anything that’s Daehyun’s (laughs).
Bungee jump vs Skydiving Ah… (I) have a lot of frights (I’m scared of it), (so I) give up
Kakaotalk vs Phone call Phone call. It’s annoying typing out texts.
Sleepiness vs Hunger, the thing that’s harder to resist is? Sleepiness. I have a lot of sleep
Party vs Time alone Party with friends and alcohol.
Straightforwardness vs Beating around the bush Straightforwardness. (I) don’t like it when there are misunderstandings because of words (talking).
Ballad vs Dance Still dance (for now). (I) like it more when (both) vocal and dance skills are distributed (and) displayed. Like Bruno Mars.
Mello vs SF Movie Mello. (I) originally (always) liked mello. Especially <A Moment to Remember>(, I) wanted over ten times.
It’s the first time doing a photoshoot with just you two, right? HC,DH (at the same time) yes.
Were the other members not jealous? DH They were making fun of us saying “We’re going to sleep in~” HC (They said that they’re) happy that they don’t have a schedule. But the other members are probably at the practice room right now as well.
(We’re) curious what time of conversation was passed on the way to the studio. HC The two (we) didn’t say a single word (laughs).
Really? (We) heard that (you) two are the most chatty, (I) guess not. HC It’s the truth. (But) in the morning(, we) two (both) don’t have words (don’t talk a lot). Normally(,) even if it’s just (us) two(, we’re) on fire (chatty).
What do you guys do to play normally? HC (I) drink alcohol (laughs). DH (I) eat outside, (and) eat inside the dorm as well. HC But because this friend ran away from the dorm…, DH Look at this hyung? Don’t misunderstand. (He) means that (I) became independent from the dorm recently (left the dorms to live on his own).
Yongguk, who left the dorm first, left with the reason that “the members don’t clean.” Why did Daehyun leave the dorm? DH It’s the same. If (you) see Himchan hyung and Jongup’s cleaning style(,) anyone would want to run away. For example(, they) file (their) clothes on the floor like pancake. (I) suffer from rhinitis and also have sensitive skin(,) so (I) try to be clean(,) but this is impossible in the dorm.
(I) also saw the video where Daehyun scolded Himchan saying to please stop wearing my (Daehyun’s) clothes without permission. How is it recently? DH Yesterday as well(, Himchan) hyung wore without my permission the shoes that (I) left in the dorm and was caught red handed. So I plan to wear Himchan’s clothes (without permission) as well.
(We’re) curious how Himchan will counterattack? HC Daehyun and Yongguk are almost at the level of a neat freak. Especially Daehyun is an FM (Field Manual) type (sticks to the set plan). (He says that) everything has to go the way that it’s been planned for (his) heart to be settled. Sometimes(,) it’s tiring because of that. DH I’ll reveal something again. (Himchan) hyung has a lot of sleep(,) so it’s difficult waking him up every time in the morning. HC Ah! I thought of something to counterattack. When (we) drink alcohol(,) Daehyun often gets up (and leaves) first. Even if serious conversation is being passed(,) if it becomes the time that (he) had set to go home(, he) leaves without looking back. At those times(,) it’s somewhat disappointing (sad/hurting). DH If I don’t get up (and leave) like that(, you guys) are going to keep holding (me) to stay.
(You guys are an) idol group, is it alright if (you) keep talking about drinking alcohol? DH It’s alright, (because) I quit drinking alcohol (laughs). HC Is that why (you) eat so much recently? DH That’s right. Until before the music video recording(, I) lost a lot of weight(,) but because of this(, I) gained 4kg more. HC Ah~ Diet! (I) want to stop eating chicken breast.
(You guys) must be on a diet. DH (We) two both really like eating(,) but during promotion period(, we) control our gluttony. (Our) styles are a little different. (Himchan) hyung likes spreading out a variety of food and eating it(, while) I go for one food. HC Because it’s important for an artist to have a variety of experiences (laughs).
(I) think to gain experiences(,) traveling is the best choice. Do (you) travel as well? DH Early this year(, I) went to Sapporo. It was (my) first out of country travel(, but) it was really good. (I went) shopping, ate good things, (and) saw snow.
What did Himchan do during the break? HC I went to New York and LA and came back. When B.A.P had a little over a year’s worth of break(, I) lived in New York for about three months(; but I) want to go back. (I) traveled around wherever my feet led me.
(We) heard that (you guys are) leaving again on a world tour soon. (And) that (you) plan to open a Seoul concert prior to it in the coming March 24~26. DH Last year(, we) opened large concerts at a lot of different countries(, but) this time(, we) plan to hold smaller concerts at less countries. Should (I) say that it’s closer to a fanmeeting? HC (We) planned a lot of time to communicate with the fans.
During the past winter(,) Bang Yongguk(,) who is both the leader as well as the oldest hyung(,) had to leave the team temporarily due to his panic disorder diagnosis. (We’re) glad that (you guys) could promote again as 6 (and) a whole again. DH (I) believed that Yongguk hyung will return healthy again, but (I) didn’t think that this day would come this quickly. HC (I feel) that finally now B.A.P has become perfect again. Not only just Yongguk, but it feels really empty when someone leaves the team.
Matching teamwork again after a long time(,) what type of conversation was passed? DH (We) each calmly welcomed (Yongguk) hyung’s return in our own ways. (I feel that) this type of method fits the best for someone that is manly and with little words like Yongguk hyung. HC Rather than words(,) it’s more important to show (him) trust with actions.
In place of Yongguk(,) Himchan(,) who is the same age as Yongguk(,) acted as the leader. HC There was a lot of burden. Because Yongguk and I have different methods of leading the team(,) our connection with the members fit well(, but since I) had to act alone as half of a leader. DH The two are complete opposites. If you compare it to a family(,) Yongguk hyung is the simple (and) brave (dependable) father(, while) Himchan hyung(,) should I say(,) like closer to the kind mother who shows plenty of affection? HC Perhaps because of that(,) the dongsaengs (the younger members) treated me like whatever (laughs). DH Hey, we worked harder to treat (you) more comfortably because you might suffer alone. Since Himchan hyung often plays along with the dongsaengs (the younger members) goofing around. Anyways(,) for B.A.P(,) both hyungs are necessary.
When did (you) feel Yongguk’s absence the most? HC When (we) got on the stage. (We were) worried that due to Yongguk’s absence the empty space might look big. DH Moreover(,) it was when we had released a full album and not a single(,) so it’s the truth that we were under confusion as well. But in times like this(, we) as five worked “really, honestly, (to our) greatest extent” the hardest. HC And that is why the result of the single album <Rose> released March 7th is really important. It is of course Yongguk’s return, (but there are also) a lot of situations tied in.
What type of situations are (you) talking about? HC Early this year(,) B.A.P faced our fifth anniversary. While happy in one part(, I was worried) that the days that B.A.P can promote as a whole is not that much left. Firstly(,) Yongguk and my age is now twenty eight…, DH This means that after about 2 years(,) the (Yongguk and Himchan) hyungs have to go to military. HC (I) don’t think that there has been a time that B.A.P as a whole has been able to complete a big picture. So that is why during the preparation of this album(, I) portrayed my opinion strongly more than before.
(We heard that) while choosing the title song(,) it was changed 4 times. In this step as well(,) was Himchan’s influence big as well? DH There were three songs in competing. At first(,) by the company’s suggestions(,) ‘Distopia’ was the prime candidate as the title song. But giving this and that different reasons(,) Himchan hyung persisted on ‘Diamond 4 Ya’. The other members were for ‘Wake Me Up’. HC (I) felt that ‘Distopia’ was too obvious (a choice), (and I) didn’t like the beginning arrangement of ‘Wake Me Up’. But if (B.A.P released) a trendy song like ‘Diamond 4 Ya’(, I felt that) it could be a chance for B.A.P to advance one step further.
In the end(, you guys are) promoting ‘Wake Me Up’. HC (I) quickly folded my stubbornness (gave up) (laughs). Instead(,) while arranging ‘Wake Me Up’, (I) strongly requested that “please have this be done this way, (and) that be done that way.”
Looking over B.A.P’s promotion records(,) there wasn’t a lot of the members’ personal promotions. Is there no plans to release albums as a solo or a unit(,) or to expand your areas toward acting or entertainment? DH (I) feel that it will remain this way for a while. Last year November, while promoting a song called ‘SKYDIVE’(, I) suddenly had this thought. “Ah, (I) should try working harder as a whole group!” HC There are still a lot of people that do not know about B.A.P’s existence (laughs). DH This is the first time I’m saying this here(, but). (I am) really thankful of Himchan hyung(,) and on another side sorry. (Himchan) hyung is talented in many ways in music as well as entertainment skills, but (Himchan) always puts team promotions first.
What part of Daehyun does Himchan think is outstanding? HC Acting, leading (a program), singing, dance, et cetera(,) whatever he does(, it feels) natural. (He also) gets along with whatever group he is with. So (I) often push him saying, “do something,” but Daehyun keeps taking his foot out (not going with it).
Are you following after (Himchan) hyung’s meaning to put team activities first? DH It’s more that (I) don’t think it’s time yet. (Perhaps that I want to) polish up a little more? There has been times that (I) attempted this and that while not completely prepared and ended up disappointed. HC But still starting from the end of this year(, we) plan to expand personal activities. Perhaps (we’ll) start from B.A.P’s main MC Youngjae.
From on forth(,) how will the two people(Himchan and Daehyun)’s life flow on? HC (I feel) firstly that (I) want to focus on this moment (now). (You) can’t tell what’ll happen even tomorrow(,) so how can (you) draw out a far future. DH (I) can’t think of anything else other than practicing so that (I) may become a closer to perfection as a singer. HC But(,) if there is one thing that (I) wish for(, it’s that) even after coming back from military service(,) that (I) want to (still) be a B.A.P member. DH It will be like that. You can believe it. Rather than words(,) I’ll show it through actions, like (Himchan) hyung!
GRAZIA (그라치아) APRIL EDITION KRN > ENG TRANS BY @BANILLAJOKO (TWITTER) DO NOT TAKE WITHOUT CREDIT
dan and phil play keep talking and nobody explodes: a summary
hoodie!phil i am immediately enthralled and this video isn’t even a second in yet
“you da bomb of our lives”
they keep clothes fans give them which is nice shoutout to that lucky son of a gun
phil is insistent on everyone seeing speed
supportive boyf dan has his back
dan nudged phil’s arm in a bro-esque manner
they mentioned escape rooms finally i can relate as i have now been to one too
“i think we’re a lot nerdier than we think” why do they think we refer to them as nerds all the time
“rest in peace environment” / “fuck you trees”
“i’ll punch you if you look at this” going to provide no context there have fun
“DAD…. playing halo with me” nice save dan
the wholesome howell blanket is always on hand
“they’ll see if we do a single glance…”
how is dan going to go a whole extra seventeen minutes without glancing at phil i think he’s going to implode
they already did the tutorial but didn’t show us yet phil can’t remember the title of the game wow rip nerd!phil fic trope
“this is going to be a mistake”
“i can’t speak if i’m under some kind of situation” mister english degree back again
phil spinning dan around with those sweet sweet seconds of skin to skin contact (hand to arm)
also lowkey hand porn
look at his hands
the curly hair and shaved sides from the side profile makes my heart warm
sassy hand clicks from danny
five seconds in i am already stressed for them why is this already the most intense video of this game i’ve ever seen i’ve watched like six different channels play it
“there’s, there’s-” “no phil, i’m guiding you.” someone likes to take control don’t they
during the wire puzzle you can slowly watch dan get more stressy look at his pursed lips and expressive strict hand gestures
“there’s an alien man with a triangle head and he’s got a T coming out of his neck” their best friend mind meld really needs to come in handy here
i’m still really enjoying dan’s side profile i can’t get over it
“that’s you selecting the module you dork”
“guys we’re nailing this” i was going to make the obvious joke but i won’t we’re classy here
“shut up shut up SHUT UP” stressy dan is here to stay
they did one wow who says youtube gamers can’t game screw you comments
“what everyone out there is thinking now is we need you to get the manual, phil” i think dan honey you just want to be in control again i know that was hard for you
getting their last glances at each other in before they can’t for at least five minutes
opposite sides again why has this happened two videos after one another this is weird what is the post-baking video universe coming to
“this is weird. now you’re the person with the really bright face… wow it makes my hair look so much less white now that i’m here”
“it makes my hair look grey… i promise i don’t have grey hair” honey you’re thirty years old it’s going to happen inevitably sometime soon best to break us in gently
i’m hyped for side profile phil
dan quoting the marriage mantra of something old something new etc…. foreshadowing perhaps who knows with the way 2017 phan is going
phil looks so confused he’s like me facing every exam i’ve ever taken
i’ve been cheated out of side profile phil ffs dan get your hands on him and spin him around i feel attacked
“oh shit new stuff” literally everyone every few days when they upload a new gaming vid with no warning????? they know our struggle????
phil looks so focused i’m entranced
“oh god it’s hurting my brain so much”
stressy phil is a new experience but i’m digging it
dan being the little shit he is just laughs all the time
“stop freaking out!” stressy dan is still here despite having the opposite role
they did two attempts and won them both wow
they high fived yes for more skin to skin contact
phil is reeeealllly making up for lost time by shamelessly staring at dan
like seriously that was at least a solid six seconds of him staring
oh and more glances
i get it you’re in love
“kept calm under presh”
more staring seriously phil are you aware the camera is still rolling
“i hate to alarm you phil but what is your catchphrase on this gaming channel?”
*awkward silence whilst phil realises he’s being spoken to thus has to tear his gaze away*
“ALL OR NOTHING”
seriously what is with him today subtlety ain’t in his vocabulary
p h i l i get it you’re in love
oh now dan’s at it
dan just got super close to the camera and did that creepy smile he has i was unnerved
“i’m frickin terrified as diddly heck”
they’re back on their own sides balance in the universe has been destroyed do you reckon they’re as insistent about which side of the bed they sleep on
side profile dan is back welcome back old friend i missed you
i thought he dabbed for a second but it’s okay he didn’t
they’re determined as fuck but i can already see dan’s stressing
yep there’s the hurry up hand gestures
“i’m going to explode…. literally” because of the intensity or because he can’t stare at phil i don’t even know anymore u decide
dan’s eyes just got really really wide they were like bulging
“is the button yellow?” “no it’s blue i told you it’s blue!” welcome back stressy phil i hope you had a nice break
phil’s little “ooh” is so cute i want it as my ringtone
“we did it? oh christ”
stressy dan is really coming out to play in this symbols puzzle isn’t he
phil’s expressive hand gestures aka he’s beginning to panic too
dan’s doing some kind of gang sign okay boy you do you
aaaaand there’s the deafening dan scream for this video i can’t believe we lasted a whole 17 minutes and 40 seconds without one
rip headphone users it was nice knowing you
stressy dan has never been more present
phil is surprisingly calm(er)
“dan come on” all of us all the time
oooooh they couldn’t last five minutes without a quick glance at one another could they jfc get a room
they managed with three seconds to spare
phil is giggly and dan is….. well, dan
dramatic as ever my little actor that never was
phil initiates skin to skin contact again why am i not surprised anymore
“i was winding you up” dan says as he adds flames on top of himself in editing i am nodding furiously
the camera pans back out and phil’s hood is up who even is he
“we could have died!” “but we didn’t” *dan adds a halo above his head aka can’t relate*
“see if i worked in bomb disposal, i’d be cheeky like that” your colleagues would throw a bomb in bed with you
“i’d be like ooh what’s the timer steve???” the danxsteve fic coming atcha real soon
dan’s in an obnoxiously good mood now he has won a game and can freely stare at phil again
“we could be bomb disposal experts” again expect the fic coming atcha real soon
“what you just saw was two nerds that grew up playing puzzle games that have a psychic connection because they have no other friends defusing bombs” they literally said they go to escape rooms for their friends birthdays but alright i’ll take the exclusivity
they’re considering coming back in hard mode YES I NEED THIS
again i could have made the obvious joke there but i didn’t
let them know how you felt throughout that video type out long essays i dare you
“subscribe if you’re happy you didn’t explode”
“if you want to see us do that more challenging version where we might blow up… or not 'cause we’re the best… disposers ever”
“subscribe to us, have a good day, don’t explode” the best advice comes in threes
After two months of constantly trying to get in contact with Harry, Y/N thought this was his way of saying goodbye. As Y/N was placing pictures of her and Harry into a box, she laughed to herself. Only for a break, he said. This is a way to bring us closer together again. You sighed and put the box filled with memories of Harry down onto your desk. After accepting defeat that Harry was going his own way and pursuing his dreams, Y/N thought it was best to move on as well. She stopped talking to his family. Anne and Gemma were sweet after Harry left on tour. Constantly checking up on her and seeing if they could help her in any way possible. Anne even stopped by her apartment and brought her homemade brownies that Y/N loved so much. Y/N felt guilty for cutting them out of her life but she felt like it wasn’t fair to keep talking to them. She didn’t want them to feel as if they had to walk around egg shells around her. She also didn’t want them to judge Harry for what happened between them. She would never want that. And to be honest with herself, she felt as though if she remained in contact with them, it wasn’t fair for Harry. It was his family. No matter how much they treated you like you were a part of it.
You plopped down onto your bed and placed your arms on top of your eyes. All of a sudden your phone started to ring next to you. “Hello?”
“Y/N! How you holding up?” Your best friend, Lucy, was by your side 24/7 during the whole ordeal. She agreed with you when you said the break was a stupid thing for Harry to suggest. She agreed with you when you were constantly calling Harry a dick for avoiding all of your calls (She even left a couple voicemails to him making sure he knew how much of an ass he was). She even agreed with you when you said moving on from him was going to be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do. You were together for years. You can’t just forget about the good times you’ve had together. It was going to be hard, but not impossible, she would tell you.
“Hey Luce. I’m fine, yeah.” you sighed into the phone.
Lucy could tell you were exhausted. It was an exhausting thing to do; trying to reach out to someone, constantly being rejected, having to pack his things, having to accept that you were no matter part of something that you would thought was going to last forever. “I’m not going to suggest going out again, promise. Just thought you might want some girl time. Clear your head for a little while.”
You sat up slowly and bit your lip while looking at the box filled with Harry memorabilia across the room. “Actually…Let’s do it. That sounds perfect right now. I just have to drop something off first..”
Harry finally had a little break during his tour. Normally he would just stay in LA rather than going back to cold, rainy London but he couldn’t bring himself to stay at that house.
Harry cheated on you in that house. Wait. Is it cheating? he thought. Technically you guys were on break. Harry tried telling himself that but it didn’t stop his guilt flooding in his heart.
Currently Harry was sitting in a cab driving him back to his London apartment. He was scared being back home. How silly he thought. How silly of a grown man to be scared of the city. He was scared because he knew that being back home meant having to face you. He was the one that suggested a break but he would’ve never thought it would progress this long. He also knew how wrong it was to not communicate with you during the break. Especially because your calls and texts were nothing but loving to him.
I miss you more and more each day.
I watched a video of you performing Kiwi in LA. You were so good, baby!
I hope you’re not forgetting to take your vitamins, you silly boy.
Harry wanted to say something. He wanted to call you on the first night of his tour. He wanted to tell you how nervous he was. He wanted you to assure him he was amazing and that everything he did people were going to love but he couldn’t bring himself to dial your phone number.
He couldn’t do anything but just read your texts and ignore them simply because he was a coward.
That’s why he slept with that random woman. Because he was a coward. Instead of facing his problems, he added to the fire. After the woman left his house the next morning, Harry sobbed while holding a pillow against his chest. He pretended it was you and whispered how sorry he was for kissing someone that wasn’t you.
The cab halted to a stop in front of Harry’s apartment building. Harry sighed and thanked the man before hurrying inside.
You set the box on top of the counter. “Hey Gale. How are you today?” You softly smiled while looking at the doorman in front of you.
Gale looked up at you, “Doing alright. What can I do for you, Y/N?” Constantly being at Harry’s apartment, the people in charge of the building started taking a liking to you.
“Just need to drop some things off at Harry’s place. Mind if I head on up?” You asked while glancing inside the box.
“Sure. But looks like he’s coming in right now. Go on up with him” Gale smiled and looked behind you at the front entrance.
You instantly froze. What the hell was he doing back? Was it the 15th already? You knew that he had a break during the tour but you didn’t think he would come back home. Crap. Did he see me yet? Maybe I can just go hide behind the-
You closed your eyes and cursed at yourself for not having the ability to turn invisible.
You turned around slowly and avoided eye contact with the man that broke your heart a million times these past two months, “I dropped off your things.”
You quickly started to walk away but was stopped when Harry grabbed your arm softly. “Love, wait please. I haven’t seen you properly in two months. Let me explain-”
This time you scoffed. Suddenly something in your brain shifted. Instead of feeling sad and blaming yourself for what happened between you and Harry, you were furious. You harshly pulled your arm away and jabbed your finger into his chest, “How dare you. You don’t talk to me for months and waltz in like nothing’s wrong. Go to hell, Harry.” You quickly turned back around and stormed off.
Harry quickly dropped his duffel bag he was carrying and ran in front of you. “Love, please-”
“Stop calling me that!” You yelled while walking away.
“Y/N stop!” Harry screamed while grabbing you yet again. “Please just hear me out!”
“What! What could you possibly say!” Y/N screamed back at him while trying to pry his hands off her.
Harry started to notice people stopping to see who was yelling in the middle of the lobby. “Please..Please just come up to my place. Please, let’s just talk.”
Y/N looked around and began to notice the stares as well. You sighed. Might as well end it officially tonight and get your stuff back. "Fine.“ You shook Harry off and began walking to the elevators.
Harry quickly picked up his bag and the box you left on the front desk and followed you.
The elevator ride up was filled with silence. Harry was thinking of what he could possibly say to make things alright with you guys while you were thinking of how exhausted you were.
I need a drink the both of of you thought.
What felt like a lifetime for you and the shortest two minutes to Harry, the elevator finally stopped at Harry’s floor.
You crossed your arms and stepped out while Harry rubbed his sweaty palms on his pants and stepped out as well.
Harry pulled out his keys and shakily tried unlocking the door. Wondering what was taking him so long to open the door, you then noticed how much he was shaking and placed your hands on top of his. "Let me..” you mumbled quietly. Harry nodded quickly and gave you the key. You unlocked the door and stepped inside his apartment. Slowly you walked over to his couch and sat down, looking down at your fingers.
Harry shut the door and walked in front of you. He stopped and stared at you. This was the first time in two months that he’s seen you. You had your hair in a ponytail and weren’t wearing any makeup. God, you looked so beautiful. Harry knelt down in front of you and placed his finger on your chin so you would look at him, properly. “I missed you so much, beautiful.”
You stared into his eyes, the anger quickly fading and the sadness you felt for the past two months came rushing back. “Please don’t say that.”
Harry sat next to you and grabbed your hands, “No. I mean it. I’m so sorry, lovely.”
You looked down at your fingers that were now intertwined with his. “If you missed me as much as you said you did..Why did you leave so suddenly. Why did you leave things the way you did.”
Harry sighed out, “I was scared that I would say something that would make things harder than they already were. We were already fighting so much and when we agreed to the break, we were already so vulnerable. I was scared, love.”
“I was scared too! But I still tried to make things somewhat better! I reached out to you! I made the effort! You didn’t!” You argued while tears brimmed your eyes. “I know! I just didn’t know what to do!” Harry could never come up with an excuse for his behavior. You did make an effort in the relationship but he never did. He let the negative thoughts conquer his mind and that got in the way of your relationship.
The both of you stayed silent. It was confusing. Y/N thought it was the end of the two of you but somehow, sitting next to him with his hands intertwined with yours, you didn’t want things to end.
Suddenly Harry whispered, “I slept with someone.”
You quickly looked at him and pulled your hand away. Harry visibly winced, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, love!”
“What? Is that..Is that why you wouldn’t speak to me? You were afraid I would find out?” You whispered.
“Yes..No..Yes.” Harry argued with himself, “We were already in a bad place when I left for tour and that just made it harder..”
“Harry, I-“ You began but Harry interrupted you, “Love, I will never forgive myself. I ruined our relationship in the worst way I possibly could but please..please don’t give up on me. I’ll make it up to you everyday. I’ll cancel my tour. Move in with me. Please, I’ll make it up to you.”
Y/N shook her head. Right from the beginning, she knew that when they were taking a break from their relationship, she knew something like this would happen.
“It’s best if we broke up.” You whispered.
Harry shook his head quickly and constantly. “No. No. We’re going to get past this. But no. We can’t break up. We’re getting married. love. We’re going to be with each other for the rest of our lives. We can’t do that if we’re broken up!” Harry knew he was sounding like a maniac but when it came to you, he was insanely in love with you. He made a mistake but you guys will be able to get over it. You guys were the couple everyone admired. Everyone was envious of your relationship. If you guys couldn’t make things work, what does that say about love?
“We’ve been apart for months. Even before the break..we were constantly fighting. The simplest things, we fought about. You just sleeping with someone else..It just shows that maybe we really aren’t meant to be..” You sighed. You climbed onto Harry’s lap and looked into his eyes, “Maybe the fire blew out a long time ago. We were going to end sooner or later.” Harry stared into your eyes that were filled with nothing but tears and hurt. “I refuse to believe that. We’re meant for each other.”
This time Y/N shook her head. “I’ll always love you, Harry. But I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted with the fighting and not to mention you’re still on tour. And..after this, I couldn’t even imagine myself for forgiving you for sleeping with some random girl.”
Harry buried his face into the crook of your neck. He was exhausted as well. He was tired of the fights and the accusations. But he didn’t want things to end. He knew in his heart that you guys were meant to be together. But he couldn’t let the relationship if you couldn’t forgive you. He knew that whenever he looks into your eyes, he’s just going to remember the mistake that he made. Every time he’s going to look into your eyes, he’s going to remember how heartbroken they looked when he confessed his mistake. “Okay..”
You pulled Harry closer together to you. This was the last time you would be able to hold him like this. This was goodbye.
and that’s it! thank you guys again so much for reading! honestly the feedback on part 2 was so amazing that i just couldn’t wait to write part 3! let me know what you guys think! and remember, requests are always open!
I normally choose to post Mashima’s artwork here, and nothing more. This blog was not made for any purpose but to share Mashima-senshi’s art, I have had no intentions of speaking out, or spreading any word. However, I was greeted with this in the mailbox and this is not okay.
Here are the reasons as to why: 1. Anon hate is never okay. It shows that you are a coward who do not have the guts to speak out with your identity attached, likely because you’re afraid of the repercussions. If you do not have the guts to speak out openly about your apparent disgust, you do not have the right to speak out at all, especially not a blog where his work is being shared and loved. That being said, hate in general is not okay.
2. If you would like to word your dislike for a well-known artist, kindly structure your distaste clearly. We Do Not Type like this in a normal setting. I assume you were attempting to state your opinion of “Hey,do you know thatHiro Mashima’s drawings are disgusting? I hope someone will fucking kill him one day. He is not a great artist at all in Fairy Tail. Story ishorrible!!!” At least, that was my inference, I had a little trouble at the end.
3. Let’s break down point 2, shall we? Firstly, we do not need to know that you find Hiro Mashima’s drawings disgusting. What are you doing on a blog that does nothing but post Hiro Mashima’s artwork if you find it disgusting? It seems you may have a problem. If you find something disgusting, I suggest that you stay away from it. Perhaps you can try a blacklist function, it is easily found with a quick google search. Going to a blog that posts nothing but something you find disgusting may mean that you have an issue, please see a doctor if it persists, it is not healthy for you to continually visit something that contains things you find disgusting.
4. Secondly, hoping that someone will be killed simply because you dislike their drawings is a very dark thought. It is extremely unhealthy to channel so much hate over drawings that does not belong to you, and can be avoided if you take the steps suggested in point 3. Mashima-sensei has done nothing wrong to you, it is not as though he has threatened your family, or harmed you in any manner; such hate is unwarranted, especially if your only beef is with his drawings. If you phrase this in another manner, it can be taken as a death threat, and you may and can be reported for that. That will get you in a whole lot of trouble, as the police may be involved.
5. Thirdly, we have established that you find Mashima’s artwork disgusting, and in your opinion, lacking. However, do note that the term ‘great’ is a subjective term. For example, you may think that you’re being oh so very great when you send an anon hate ask like this to a Hiro Mashima artwork blog, but in my personal opinion, I think such an action is quite the opposite of great. On the other hand, I’m sure many others following this blog for his artwork would agree that his artwork is rather great in their opinion. As this is a subjective determination, I will leave this as such.
6. Based on inference, it seems that you were attempting to tell me that his art in Fairy Tail is not great. Please be gently reminded that Fairy Tail belongs to him. He created the manga, and the style, and the art for the characters. Be mindful that the canon appearance, art style, literally everything, belongs to him. You may think that it’s not great artwork, but in Fairy Tail, it’s as canon as it is, which technically makes it the greatest, especially if you’re measuring upon the likeliness of artwork with canon.
7. If you find that the story is horrible, you may choose to drop Fairy Tail like I know many have done. What is the issue here? I find it hard to understand why you continue to apparently torment yourself with art and story that you do not like and find horrible. Like previously mentioned, Fairy Tail belongs to Hiro Mashima, What he chooses to do with it, and what he ultimately does with it, is his own choice. You have no right to dictate his actions or decisions. If you dislike it so much, please leave the fandom. No one is stopping you.
8. Lastly, I just want to say that I do not advocate hate in any forms. If you dislike something, the smart move is to unfollow, blacklist, and avoid. Going forward to send messages like such to a blog that enjoys what you do not is honestly not the action you should be taking. You take the fun and happiness out of others because you dislike something. One can not expect everyone to like the same thing, and on the same note, one cannot expect everyone to dislike the same thing. You would not like it if I came up to you and said horrible things about the things you like, you would not like it if I came up to you and said that someone you like, and I quote “I wish someone will fucking kill him one day.” Even if you can not enjoy something, you should not take that enjoyment away from others. It is never okay to hope for someone’s death, especially over such a small thing as artwork or manga that would not be detrimental to your life.
People who come to this blog came here for Hiro Mashima’s artwork. If you do not have that intention, or like them, please just leave. There is no place for your hate here. This is a place for people who enjoy Hiro Mashima’s artwork to unite and connect.
If any word is spread in this post, let it be this.
~closing the gap~ how about exhausted-from-practice-just-starting-to-get-sick yuuri collapsing onto the couch and viktor pressing a hand to his forehead to feel the beginnings of fever? ~headcold-canon
“I’m so tired…” groans Yuuri, cheek mushed against the couch cushions. “I’m so, so tired. That was the hardest practice I’ve ever done. Why was it so hard? I don’t think we did anything that was that hard but it was so hard. Victor I’m so tired…”
Victor doesn’t feel particularly tired. It had actually been an unusually easy practice session, mainly owing to the fact that Yuuri had been so out of it and Yakov hadn’t wanted him to hurt himself. “Hmm…” says Victor. “Well, if you’re that exhausted, you should probably go to bed.”
“I don’t want to get up…” says Yuuri. “Everything hurts too much.” His voice sounds scratchy and a little congested. Victor leans over, plants a kiss on Yuuri’s forehead to confirm his suspicion that his beloved might be coming down with something.
“I’ll carry you,” says Victor, scooping Yuuri into his arms. “Is that alright?” Yuuri nods, sniffling into Victor’s chest, so Victor picks him up and carries him into the bedroom.
Hello internet! I’m sorry if this sucks, it’s the first time I publish something mine so please, be gentle :) If there are some errors, tell me because english isn’t my mothertongue. Sorry if it’s too long but it’s worth it, trust me.
BUCKY BARNES X READER
Summary: lately you’ve been having trouble sleeping, but you’re not the only one. Maybe someone can help you with your problem.
Warnings: nothing really, just the start of something extremely fluffy
I was neither a light nor heavy sleeper. My nights would always be the same: a long straight sleep and maybe if I were lucky, I’d dream something. Obviously the dreams would change with time and I’d never dream the same in months. In the morning was always difficult to get out of bed but I felt awake in a good way. No more bags under my eyes and a bright smile every day to make everyone happier. Lately all this changed. I would go to bed late, as usual, but the straight sleep was long gone. It happened gradually. The first time I woke just once, stirred and then fell back to sleep. Unfortunately that wasn’t my only experience. The awakenings would happen more than once, separated by one or two hours each, so I felt like I had slept for a couple of minutes and then had fallen back asleep. The mornings were getting rough, getting out of bed was even more tiring and the dark circles under my eyes had appeared again. My back started to hurt and my head to ache; I was getting stressed more and more every day and everyone around me too, but there was an exception: Bucky Barnes. Usually the halls in the tower would be silently empty unless he was around. Bucky didn’t sleep (I had asked more than once the reason but he would shrug his shoulders and tell me ironically that ‘he had enough sleep in cryo’; after a while I stopped asking, not wanting to annoy), he’d stay wide awake all night pacing around, in the kitchen drinking tea or in his room, where I had never set foot in all my life.
One of these tremendous nights, I decided that maybe a hot drink would help me get back on track. So, I got out of bed and went straight into the kitchen. As I turned the light on, I nearly jumped as a figure appeared from the dark sitting quietly by the table. I sighed and dropped the hand that was covering my mouth to muffle the bloody scream that would have eventually escaped if I didn’t recognize the person. “Damn, you scared the shit out of me” I told him off, his eyes looking at me vaguely before a small smile formed on his lips. I put some water to boil and asked if he wanted some but he declined, still staring at his coffee cup. I frowned, but let the worry go away easily, he was probably just as tired as me. I sat at the table scoffing and covered my face with my hands. “Ugh. I’m sooo tired” Me and Bucky had kind of a really good friendship going on and we often talked. I was one of the few people that tried to make him feel as comfortable as possible when he first started living with us and I had definitely succeeded. Well, he was still a very quite person but I had helped him break the ice. Knowing this, I was a little concerned that he didn’t talk to me or at least answered me with just 'yes’ or 'no’.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, after looking between my fingers and noticing that he didn’t even smile or gaze in my direction after my comment. Bucky shrugged his shoulders and still stared at his coffee cup. “Can’t sleep.” “Other than that.” I reached for his hand across the table and covered it with mine, squeezing gently when his eyes met mine “You know you can tell me” Bucky sighed. “I tried to sleep, didn’t work.” his gaze returned to its previous position. I was going to take both of his hands in mine when I remembered my tea and had to get up to pour it in my cup. As I sat back down and took a sip of my hot drink, I spoke again. “And why is that?” he stayed silent for a while, judging if it was a good idea to tell me the truth or just change the subject of the conversation when he still had the chance. “I had a nightmare” he explained quickly, not wanting to deepen the argument. “Don’t you wanna try to sleep again? You might not dream anything.” I really wanted to help him but his answers were so short that I had to annoy him for a while longer to give him an advice. At the same time, I didn’t want to end the conversation there by being annoying so, I tried to soften my tone the best way possible and continue my 'interrogation’.
Bucky straighten in his seat before looking at me and whispering “Whenever I.. when I close my eyes I keep seeing them.” he explained after leaning on the table with his elbows. By the confused look on my face he spoke again. “The victims. The people I killed..I remember all of them and the memories.. they are haunting me.” My mouth fell open slightly. I was so shocked by how broken he was and how I couldn’t help him in any way. I decided not to speak and just take his hands in mine, maybe he needed a little love. He smiled softly, squeezing my hand in a gentle manner. My eyes darted to the clock on the wall.
I got up from my seat and Bucky’s head moved to keep looking at me. I sighed before speaking “I’m gonna go try and sleep.” he nodded and dropped his head before giving me one last look. “Well, good luck.” I smiled nodding my head and got out of the kitchen, hoping he would call me to convince me to stay a while longer “The light.” I heard his deep voice but was a little disappointed by the context. I did as I was told, leaving Bucky in the dark, but half way through my walk back to my room I realised I have had enough. I had problem sleeping, he did too. Why shouldn’t I benefit from it? I immediately turned around and went straight into the kitchen, blinding Bucky in the process for the sudden light in the room. “Look, I know this may sound weird but, do you perhaps want to try falling asleep with me? It may work.” My awkward smile at the end probably convinced him as he nodded his head with a lopsided smile. “I would be honoured.” I chuckled. Courage was definitely one of my perks.
i had this friend. loud, vivacious, and brimming with energy and colour. her sun-bright smile drew others to her like moths to flame; and yet she could always pick me out from the crowd effortlessly. i wondered how she did that, why she’d pick me over many.
she was the kind of person you could never look away from for long, but i saw her better from my peripherals. when she lifted her chin, her face would become awash with glowing light; and then she’d laugh about her pale skin, and the ruddy cheeks and dark freckles would appear again, as if they’d momentarily blanked out. when she grew protective, her blue eyes would spark dangerously and burn white; and then she’d blink, and the glint of her glasses would stand in with explanation.
but i saw her best from the back. when she’d run, her fire-bright curls would flare out behind her like wings.
as flighty as she was, she always came back to me. i wondered why.
she told me, once.
one day, before class had started, when i was in the middle of falling asleep in the sunbeam warming my desk, she turned around in her seat to talk to me. she spoke with her whole body, from her waving hands to her bouncing shoulders.
then she petered off, and settled into stillness. watchfulness. despite all the eyes on her, she only saw me.
“hey,” she said. “could you look at me for a sec?”
and when i lifted my head to look at her straight on, she smiled as if she’d found the answer.
“look at that,” she murmured. “your eyes have halos in them too.”