i had a dream about chris

hey everyone it’s, uh, jeff from the overwatch team here, with another developer update. as you can see i haven’t, uh, slept in a few days, because my, uh, dreams are still haunted, by terrifying visions of former creative director chris metzen pressing his, uh, face against my windows and proclaiming that, i, uh, am not worthy, with his voice a thunderous and unnatural rattle and the moonlight glinting off of his many rows of, uh, sharklike teeth. anyways a lot of you had some questions about the new ana changes and

2

“ In 1976, in Phoenix, Arizona a child was born. He was precocious, full of life, and determined, and grew up to become the singer of one of the biggest rock bands in the history of music. His name was Chester Bennington, and band is Linkin Park. MTV asked me to come here to say a few words about Chester, and the late great, Chris Cornell. Two artists I had the absolute pleasure of touring with. They were close friends with one another. Chester even singing the cover of the classic Hallelujah at Chris’ funeral. Chester said of Chris Your voice was joy and pain and anger and forgiveness, love and heartache, all wrapped up into one. Just weeks later, Chester himself was gone. Chester was my friend as he was to so many. Witnessing his life taught me important things, especially about working relentlessly, pursuing dreams, and being kind and caring while doing it. When I think about him I see his face, which was always smiling, I think about his heart which he wore on his sleeve, I think how kindly he treated me, my brother, Tomo, our band. I think about his wife and his six. Six incredible children. I think about his family, I think about his band, who were really his brothers. And I remember his voice. At once ferocious and delicate. That voice will live forever.

If there is anyone out there who is watching this tonight who feels like there is no hope, hear me now. You are not alone. There is always a way forward. Reach out, share your thoughts. Do not give up and I promise you this, the absolute biggest breakthroughs in life lay just beyond the darkest days. “

All the reasons I loved this latest Chris and Eva clip:

Brace yourselves, cause this is going to be a looong list. I’m sorry but I’m too far gone for my OTP to care about much else today.

* The way he touches her face in the beginning of the clip.

*Chris’ wide grin plus Eva’s sleepy smile. Honestly, the chemistry between those two is unreal, even in small moments like this.

*“Did you sleep well?” “Mhm.” The whole Jonas and Eva vs Eva and Chris parallel here. Jonas pretty much said that he had a nightmare in which Eva was a whore and CHRIS TOLD EVA THAT HE HAD A DREAM WHERE EVA WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND. Ugh.

*Also, the whole dream was totally made up and I have a feeling that Eva knew it. And she knows how whipped she has him and just…Eva is goals as usual.

* Wow, damn. Another one of Chris Schistad’s reaction gifs is born.

* I honestly feel like Chris is trying to remember his lines when he is talking about his “dream”. And Eva is so amused CAUSE SHE KNOWS.

* He is such a certified nerd while telling that stupid story.

* Chris’ reaction when Eva told him that his dream wasn’t real tho. He was all: “say what now?”

* Eva: “we’re never going to be together” Eva: *smiles* Chris: *tries not to look like somebody just stabbed him and fails*

* “Why not?” I can see that you’re internally crying, Chris. God, the dialogue is gold.

* The way Chris repeats Eva’s words back to her. Such a small thing but mad cute.

*Also, I have such huuuge respect for Eva. She still acknowledges that Chris was a fuckboy in the past and she smiles again when saying it, and it’s so playful, and Eva knows that Chris is in love with her but she’s still protecting her heart and is being reasonable about it all and just…where can I find an Eva?

*Also, telling a guy whose currently naked in your bed that he’s a cheating fuckboy, is NEXT LEVEL.

* The way Eva almost immediately stops kissing Chris, because someone’s calling her. She. Always. Puts. Her. Friends. First.

* When Eva answers Vilde’s call and we can actually see how hurt Chris is over the fact that Eva doesn’t want to be his girlfriend.

* Also, the way he runs his hand over his face is like saying: “damn I messed up with that fake dream I told her about oops”

* When Eva tells Vilde that she is doing nothing special, and Chris looks like he’s about to cry. That boy is so in love, I can’t put it into words.

* All the longing looks towards Eva while she’s talking on the phone!!!

* Eva: “But maybe I can call you later or something.” Queue Chris’ whole face lighting up.

* Chris: “We were talking about getting together.” Lol, smooth.

* That boy has lost all his game and just wants to be together with Eva. Who’s crying? Certainly not me.

* THE PLAYFULNESS.

* The fact that Chris isn’t pressuring her into anything but just wants them to be together but he isn’t pushy about it. I honestly don’t know where the Noorhell shippers get their ideas, when they compare Mohnstad and Noorhell.

* ANOTHER JONAS AND EVA vs CHRIS AND EVA PARALLEL.

* When Eva tried to push Chris off her bed and he didn’t budge an inch, that was a sign.

* I just love how Chris is still his old self on some level, so self-confident and just doesn’t understand why he has to hide.

* Eva being determined not to introduce Chris, so the boy gets up, wraps a sheet over himself, and is just like: “Hi. I’m Chris.”

* Your name is also Chris? ANOTHER ONE, WE HAVE ANOTHER ONE.

* I just noticed that Eva rolls her eyes when Chris is talking to her mum, oh wow. I love this girl.

* When Eva’s mum says that she wasn’t aware that Eva had a boyfriend and Chris looks like he is finally sure Eva will confirm their relationship now but she DOES NOT.

* Also, Chris was totally happy to meet her mum, you can’t tell me otherwise.

* “We’re not together.” “Not yet”

* Eva’s mum’s “you’ll figure it out” is basically the whole fandom’s reaction to this clip.

* Also, all the smiles and the banter in the end of this clip, what can I say, Mohnstad just naturally gravitate towards each other.

* Chris: “Love me.” Honestly, what kind of desperation.

In conclusion: this was the clip of dreams that I never thought I’d see.

  • Viktor: From now on, we'll be using codenames. You can address me as "Eagle one".
  • Viktor: Chris, codename. "Been there done that".
  • Viktor: Yuuri is "Currently doing that".
  • Viktor: Otabek is "It happened once in a dream".
  • Viktor: Pitchit is "If I had to pick a dude".
  • Viktor: Yurio is...
  • Viktor: "Eagle two".
  • Yurio: Oh thank God.
  • JJ: *steps into the room*
  • Viktor: I'd-be-lying-if-I-said-I-hadn't-thought-about-it is in position

The key to love, my father told me, was to never love someone more than they love you. So when, after dating for five months, Christopher Moore was the first to say “I Love You”, I thought I had hit the “Love Jackpot”. I say this because, prior to him saying it at that very moment, I had never given thought to the possibility that I could love him in return. Standing in front of my apartment building, nervous and excited, facing him and his smile, I questioned whether love was the word to describe what I was feeling. High school love, after all, is quite trivial with it’s ins and outs. Nevertheless after weighing the theoretical pros and cons of love, I decided that I was in love, at least in some respects. He was handsome, smart, sweet, and I enjoyed his company. This is what I believed love boiled down to; four factors. Honesty, clearly, was something I overlooked. About a year and 7 months into our blissful love affair, after graduation had passed and we had spent the summer taking all the cliché couple pictures, Chris decided that he “just couldn’t go on lying to me anymore. “Jenine” he told me “this guilt is eating me alive!”. I imagine there wasn’t much of him left, as it had been “eating away at him” for 6 months. This is when I learned that there is no “key” to love; no guide, no tips, no 101 course, because love is lived and learned; never taught. Try as you may, to forgo the pain of love, you’ll find joy in knowing that it’s survive-able and moreover, sometimes the good outweighs the bad. No, Chris wasn’t the love of my life, but he gave life to my ability to love.

“Never” my father said “let love override your faculty of reason.” Easier said, than done. My next love was Jeremy Bishop. Before you ask, of course there were others between Chris and Jeremy. But this is a story about love; not “almost loves”,“semi loves”, and “could’ve beens”. Jeremy’s love was the worst kind of love. The kind that doesn’t have a reason to exist but somehow it does and you’re glad. Its sole purpose is to debilitate your mind, forcing you to follow only your emotions. While Jeremy was dreamy, I learned that the man of your dreams can sometimes be the root of your nightmares.

I met Jeremy my junior year at _________ University. It was a Sunday and I had been studying in the library for an anthropology midterm and decided that I would take a break. Putting my highlighter down & flexing my hand I stood up & headed towards the bathroom. As I walked through the stacks, passing my hand across the rows of books I’d never read, my friend Denise spotted me and waved me over. Walking swiftly I made my way to the table she was stationed it & gathered that she had been studying all day as all. Splayed papers, open textbooks, two highlighters, & her laptop with several window open screamed “cram session” to me. After having sat & talked for some time about school & it’s “scammagry”, I noticed that someone had taken a seat at the end of the table. You know those typical movies where two people look up at the same time & smile coyly at one another? Well that’s what happened with us…….minus the smiling. When Jeremy & I caught eyes it was more of an inquisitive stare down. I relented because who really stares at a stranger for lengths at a time? Apparently Jeremy does because every time I looked up he was looking at me or perhaps through me. Whatever the case was I asked Denise if she could “Excuse me for one second?” as I got up from my seat and sauntered over to Jeremy, running my fingernails along the wooden table that both separated and joined us.

He was brown skinned but it was a rich brown that I often found myself lost in. He had brown hair that was cut low to avoid maintenance & also to spite his mother who so much loved it longer. His eyes were almost black they were so dark, yet you never asked someone to hit the lights when staring into them. He had a slight dimple on the right side of face that only presented itself in the presence of his mother, its creator.

“I know you or something?” I said, to which he looked up & responded “No you don’t. But since you’re already here, I’m Jeremy. Nice to meet you….” he said moving his hand in that circular waiting motion “this is usually the part where you tell me your name”. He was sarcastic & forthcoming and I liked it. “This is usually the part when I’d say Jenine. My name is Jenine. Though I’m not sure it’s nice to meet you.” “Well Jenine, do you have HIST 256 on Mondays & Thursdays? I think that’s where I’ve seen you before.” “Well Jeremy, had I known you were a stalker I would’ve stayed at the other end of the table” “A stalker Jenine? Really? I think you’re mistaking my keen eye for details.” “I stand corrected then. I just had no idea I was noticeable to your "keen eye”, I said, making air quotes. He leaned in & said, “Maybe Jenine, just maybe there’s a lot of things you don’t know. I’d be happy to fill you in though. If you were ever free.” “Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me, Jeremy, that you’re asking me out.” “It seems that way, because it is that way. But enough with this, would you be interested in going out?” “I’ll contemplate it.”

A week later Jeremy picked me up in his beat up silver 2010 Toyota Corolla. Got out & offered to close the door for me not because he was a gentleman but because I literally couldn’t close it myself. He told me he wanted to show me his favorite place in all of Brooklyn. We drove for about 15 mins and parked in DUMBO; my favorite place. As we walked to the pier he barraged me with every menial question from favorite color to top five movies. I stopped his questioning because I realized I knew nothing about him. “What about you?” I said. “Tell me something I don’t know about you.” “I’m a Taurus. Now back to you.” “Your sign. You gave me the third degree and in return you tell me your astrological sign??” “I’m really not that interesting. I kind of just go with the flow nothing special really.” “I could say the same about myself but you don’t see me spewing monotonous facts about myself” “That’s just it though. You’re very interesting. I see you twice a week & you never look the same to me. Always a different hairstyle, new lipstick, different outfit. You keep me guessing & well…I like that.” “Different outfit…Did you expect me to have the same clothes on like a cartoon character?”

Jeremy took my clothes off the way he took down my walls; slowly & intently. I never felt exposed or vulnerable. It was easy with him & who doesn’t like easy? The first time we had sex he kissed every scar and stretch mark on my body while he whispered beautiful and for the first time I believed it. This is when I knew I loved him; this is when I knew he loved me. We fell into a routine & inevitably, that’s how we fell apart. We saw each other four-five times a week in between work, school & our respective friends. I’d meet him after work or he’d meet me after class, we’d get some food or I’d cook, we’d talk, then go back to his dorm room or my house & somewhere in between there we’d fuck once or twice & that would be that. Talk, Eat, Fuck, Repeat. This, I should inform you, was the foundation for our dismantling. Jeremy grew tired of our monotony, I suppose, & because of that he started talking to a female customer who had “just so happened” to frequent his job. In talking they “just so happened” to find they had “so much in common” & somehow Jeremy’s dick “just so happened” to be in her mouth when I walked into his dorm room to get the spare phone charger I left there just in case. “Oh Mahh Gahhhh” is what Celeste said with his dick slighty tucked to the left side of her mouth because it wouldn’t have been polite to pull it out all together; though I’m sure there was no God she could ever call her own. Startled yet surprisingly indifferent I found my charger in the first drawer of his night stand now decoratively arrayed with ripped condom wrappers and I closed the door behind me.

Walking out of the apartment I didn’t feel anything but when I reached the stairs it hit me and when Jeremy came running out of his room, pulling his boxers up I looked up at him from the top stair I was sitting on & hit him right in the groin. “Shit! Ahh! Damn, J! Come on!” he winced . “Come on?? Excuse me?!? You’re such a fucking dickhead. Like what the fuck?” “I know. I know. I’m sorry babe. You gotta believe me! I swear it’ll never happen again.” & that’s what I wanted to believe after all; that this was just a bump along our road; that we could get through this because we could get through anything. So when Jeremy crouched down in front of me, put his hand under my chin, looked me right in the eye and told me he was “so sorry”, that he “really loved me”, that he was “mad stupid for doing that” I believed him & gave us another chance because I wasn’t ready to admit failure.

Celeste Soto was the average full figured broad who just “couldn’t help” falling for other women’s boyfriends, husbands, fiancés, you name it. Walking back into his room, I found her putting her left shoe on with one hand on his desk for balance. “You gotta believe mama” she said “I didn’t know he even had a girl. You feel me? I wouldn’t have done anything with him. Thas crazy disrespectful. My bad.” as she adjusted her bra strap and pulled her hair into a messy bun. Turning slighty towards Jeremy, I looked at him as if to say “really?!? THIS was the best you could do??” and he lowered his head, and stared at this one spot on the carpet that he could never get out. Not only had Jeremy cheated but he chose the lowest of women to do it with. “First of all, I’m not one of your friends so I don’t know why you’re calling me "mama” & no I don’t “feel” you nor do I intend to. Get your shit and get out!“ When she was gone I searched the apartment for remnants of her presence, prior to that days visit. An earring, a hair tie, maybe a lip balm. I found nothing or maybe I wasn’t really looking.

For eight months straight Jeremy was on his BEST behavior. He’d let me know where he was at all times as to ensure that he wasn’t out cheating; send pictures as proof on some occasions. I have to admit, though I was secure in his whereabouts, I was also sure that this was not how healthy relationships works. Nevertheless I looked forward to each notification because afterall "once a cheater……"you know the rest. One night I went over to his place to cook dinner, partially to ensure he wouldn’t be feeding Celeste or any other girl his penis but also because this is what I missed most about us. I had become so preoccupied with deciding whether or not I could trust him that I wasn’t concerned with trying to make us seem normal. After dinner we were in his bed tearing at each other’s clothes & after switching positions five times he looked down at me & said "I can’t do this”. Looking back at him I said “it’s cool I wasn’t feeling it either honestly”. “Not this” he said falling to my side, facing the ceiling “I mean like this….us”. Somehow though I knew that was what he had meant. This ball of something akin to both fear & anger welled up in my throat & grew until finally all I could say was “oh”. One tear fell from my eye & couldn’t allow myself to shed another. “This whole time” he said getting up from the bed “I wasn’t with you because I wanted to be. I was with you because I didn’t want to let you down.” He was pacing back & front at the foot of the bed, lifting his hands to his head then retracting them, looking over at me occasionally for assurance of my understanding. So he continued "I couldn’t let your last image of me be somebody who betrayed you. I had to prove you wrong & that’s selfish. I’m sorry. I don’t want to be in a relationship I’m not fully committed to. It isn’t fair to either of us J & you can hate me but I’d rather you hate me for being honest.” “Is this a joke? Please tell me you’re kidding right now” I said, half laughing half crying. “Let me get this straight” I said, sitting upright in his bed, pulling my shirt over my head “You cheated…..You lied…..YOU fucked up….You begged for another chance!…and my stupid ass gave you one. I’m just so lost right now.” This is when I realized I never should have sat on those steps & cried. I should’ve ran out of that building like it was on fire because guys like him will always burn you.

Some nights I could still hear his footsteps pacing the floor & I’d wonder when in the hell it would be over. When I’d stop crying; when I’d realize I was better off without him. But there’s this moment & I know it sounds cliche but you just wake up & you feel different you feel like you can begin again. One morning I woke up and knew Jeremy would never have a hold on me the way he did before, but more importantly I didn’t want him to.

The thing about baggage is that you never realize how much of it you carry around. In fact you assume that more often than not you don’t carry any at all because you’re “over it” or you’ve “moved on”. You’ll find yourself compromising because you just want someone to call at night; that wants only you. “Trust me.” my mother said “There will be others and don’t think that you have to look for them or that you have to settle.” My mother had a way with words. I’m not sure if that’s necessarily a good thing but the fact remains that when she said those words to me I wished she had kept her opinion to herself. I would never settle…..or at least I didn’t think I would.

I knew I didn’t love Benjamin the first time he came inside me & I wished I had never come to his apartment, let alone into his room splayed with dirty laundry that he was “gonna get to”. More importantly I knew I couldn’t love Benjamin, not the way I wanted to at least, when he told me I’m just like my mother. This sounds stupid I know, but let me explain.

After a week of working overtime, my best friend Selene dragged me out of my apartment for a night of bar hopping. Upon walking into our third stop, Benjamin grabbed my hand & told me I was pretty. That was it. There was no drawn out conversation, no playing hard to get, it was very low stakes. I gave him my number & before I got to the next bar he had called & asked when he could see me again. “Tomorrow” I said.

The next evening Benjamin showed up at my apartment with no plan other than to show up. We decided to see a movie.

The movie we saw doesn’t matter. Neither does the fact that we went to the movies. What matters is that after we left the movies, Benjamin grabbed both my hands & kissed me. When he stopped & I looked up at him he said “You taste like stale popcorn”. I thought “what the fuck?” & then he reminded me that we shared a popcorn. Our entirely relationship was like this; constant reminders of things I should have been aware of.

Ben was different from Jeremy because he never lied to me. That doesn’t necessarily mean that’s a good thing though. His honesty was one that I had to grow accustomed to. We had been dating for about two months, when I called him asking if he wanted to get dinner later & he simply replied “no”. No explanation, no rain check, no apology; he just hung up. Later he’d text me & say that we should get breakfast instead the next day because he liked being the first person I talked to in the morning. He never hid anything from me. Girls would text him, telling him how much they “missed him” how much “fun” they used to have & he’d show me his phone while laughing & ask what I thought he should say in his reply. It was almost inconceivable, how much he included me in his decisions when it came to other women. Co-workers would invite him out to dinner & drinks after work, over to their apartments, concerts & he would ask me, not if he could go (because he was going to do what he wanted regardless) or if I wanted to come with, but how I’d feel if he went it with them. We’d be waiting for our heart rates to drop back to normal after sex; our skin still dewy and tingling and he’d say “the last time was better” or “you faked it, but that’s cool” as he got up and ambled to the bathroom & I’d wonder if he had to be so honest with me all the time.

I woke up one day to him sitting at my kitchen table in just some sweatpants, signing a card. Next to him there was a huge bouquet of sunflowers. I walked over to him, fixing my bed hair into a bed bun & when I sat down he was startled. “I didn’t think you’d be up this early” he said & I looked over at the clock on microwave. “It’s after 11……does that even count as early?” I said. He looked up at me, then at the clock, then back at me & shrugged “I guess not”. I asked “Who’s the card for?” & as he sealed it, he handed to me & said “Happy Anniversary Sweetness” with no inflection. My face dropped to the floor, along with the card. “An anniversary?” I thought “have we really been dating a year? Maybe it’s like a six month anniversary? But that’s not even an anniversary!” After a few mental “Fuck!!”’s, I pulled myself together, awkwardly smiled as I picked up the card & opened it. It had been a year since I moved into my own place. In the card he wrote about how happy he was for me; that he knew how big of a deal it was for me to live on my own & he wanted me to know that it was just as important to him. I cried out of relief. He thought I was overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness, primarily because as I closed the card, hugged him, wiped my tears and sniffled into his neck, I whispered “Thank you. This means a lot.”. One year of independence; something I should have been aware of.

The first time he told me he loved me, I opened my mouth to respond & he placed his index finger on my parted lips. “Stop” he said. “Not everything I say deserves or should be met with a response Jenine. I love you. That’s it.” I of course flew into defense. “So I can’t say it back? I can’t love you in return? What kind of bullshit is that Ben? You can’t just say something like that & expect me not to say anything back.” “I never said you can’t say anything back. But think about it baby, I said I love you & your first instinct was to respond. You didn’t even really take the moment in. That’s what I’m saying. I don’t want you to love me back because I love you. I want you to love me because you actually love me.” I felt little, like a child, like I had been put in my place, handled, dealt with, but I wouldn’t let him know. “You’re such an asshole sometimes” I said “but that Benjamin, for your information, is why I love you. Because you’re only an asshole sometimes”.

There are two important things I remember from when I broke up with Ben:

1. It was raining.
2. He told me I should’ve ended us a long time ago.

I came back to the apartment from the gym. As I shook my umbrella walking through the door, Ben sauntered by in his usual attire, house sweats and no shirt, saying “You must love mopping.” in a condescending tone. I happily returned the tone saying “Definitely. I just love it! Can’t get enough.” as I rolled my eyes and the umbrella up, fastening it shut. I walked over to the kitchen & checked the fridge. All that was left was this chicken Parmesan “thing” I had attempted to make three days earlier & it looked like a big pile of mush at that point. I chucked it & decided that take out sounded good. I had a taste for some pad thai so the choice was easy. Picking up my phone & dialing the number I thought it might be a good idea to ask Ben what he wanted but I figured he’d eat whatever I ordered him. So I made the call, ordered Chicken Pad Thai and another peanut sauce dish with shrimp, and hung up. As soon as my phone had ended the call, Benjamin started an argument. “Why would you order food without asking me what I wanted?” he asked me walking out of the bedroom and I replied “I ordered food for us both. No need to say thank you”. He walked towards the window to look out but really it was all dramatics because our window looks directly at the alley behind our building that holds nothing but two dumpsters and a few forgotten cats. “Why would I say thank you to you for doing something I never asked you to do?” he said with his back turned to me “Sometimes” he scoffed, almost laughing, as he looked at the rain collect in the window sill. “Sometimes I don’t get you. Like after all this time you still do shit that irritates me and I wonder why the fuck I still want to lay next to you at night or wake up with you in the morning.” I was sitting on the sofa, absentmindedly playing with the tag on this pillow I bought two years before when he & I had just started dating. He told me the pattern on it reminded him of us; that the lines never intersected. They just changed direction. “Nobody is holding you here Ben. You can leave anytime you’d like.” I said as I picked up the remote & turned on the television.

Thirty-five minutes later I was annoyed that the food hadn’t arrived but also because Ben never left the window. He just stayed there staring at the rain while it sheeted down the window screen and when thunder roared he’d just sigh. “What could be taking this food so long? The place isn’t even that far.” I complained. “It’s the rain Jenine. Everything slows when it rains. People, cars, buses, trains, bikes, they all slow.” He paused “You also might want to factor in the idea that a bunch of people order take out on a night like this.” I answered back “I knew that!……why are you always telling me things as if I don’t know them? As if I’m not aware? It’s just annoying. You’re annoying.” Ben walked away from the window & towards the kitchen counter. He planted his two hands palm down on the counter, hoisted himself up to sit on it, looked at me & said “Maybe it’s not me that annoys you Jenine. Maybe you can’t admit that I’m ever fucking right! I can’t ever make a point without you saying “I knew that!”. If you knew it Jenine…..then why would you say half the shit you say or do half the shit you do.“ I paused the lifetime movie I had been somehow become invested in and pressed a metaphorical "play” on the scene that was unfolding in our living room. “I don’t know Ben. Maybe you’re right” I replied as I sat up, crossed my legs and interlaced my fingers over my knee. “Maybe I can’t handle the fact that you make valid points. Or perhaps it’s the fact that you can’t ever let me be wrong without making me look like a complete ass. You’re always so philosophical. "Oh thee "all knowing Ben!” Ohh he who knows more than anyone!“ I mocked. "It’s insulting. For someone who is just so wise you damn sure don’t know how to do your own fucking laundry, or wash a dish, or aim your penis directly into the bowl when you pee. Stop with the bullshit. We both have our faults.” My phone rang. The food was downstairs.

I threw on my worn out flip flops and shuffled down the 3 flights of stairs. Walking back into the apartment with food in hand, I saw that Ben had returned to the window. He walked over to the kitchen counter where I was standing, taking the food out of the brown paper bag & said “You said your ordered me food.” “I just ordered two things off the menu. I figured we’d just share.” I reasoned. “Right I get that but I don’t like peanuts. You know that. Don’t you? I’ve told you this. I’m sure I have as we’ve been together give or take I don’t know 2 & half years!” “Dammit! I whispered to myself. "I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking & I was hungry & I’m…..sorry. I’m just sorry.” “It’s fine” he said. “I should’ve just picked something up on the way home. It isn’t the first time you’ve done something like this. You’re like your mother in that way.” “Like my mother? All of this over some take out? Listen, good luck with dinner.” I said as I grabbed a plastic fork at the bottom of the bag & headed back to the sofa. “Yeah, like your mother.” he continued, following me. “You’re always complaining that she never listens to you; that you have to remind her of things you’ve already told her. Yet, here you are never listening to me. It’s not even about the apology. It’s that I just don’t think you’re really sorry at all.” he retorted. “Fair enough.” I said, putting my food down on the coffee table. “You wanna know what I’m really sorry about Ben? Huh? Fine. I’m sorry I moved in with you. I’m sorry I’ve been in this relationship for this long because we’ll never be good enough for one another. You know that right? We’re always going to be like this Ben.” I said, pointing at the pace between with both hands. “It’s never going to be enough that we love each other. There’s gotta be more to love than whatever the fuck we’re doing. I just don’t think this is healthy. I don’t think we’re growing here. Do you?”. “Now that J…that’s the most honest thing you’ve said to me. You’re always saying what you think I want to hear and that’s my problem with you. You never say what the hell you want because you think too much about it. We are growing, it’s just apart from one another.” He sighed, finally saying “Look, I’m tired.” as he walked exhaustedly back towards the bedroom, on an empty stomach & closed the door behind him. I couldn’t figure out if he meant he was tired of us, of the arguing, of never really getting back to how we were or if he was honestly tired.

I slept on the sofa & I use the term “slept” very lightly. What I really did was stare at the ceiling, trying to figure out if this was really it for Ben & I. If that was our last real conversation; if that even counted as a conversation. I planned out what I’d say in the morning after we’d both had time to think & reflect. I’d tell him I was sorry about going off & that it’s not that I don’t want to try to make it work but that I don’t even think trying is worth an actual try. I thought about it & felt like the whole relationship was a perpetual “try”. We’d just kept getting up, dusting each other off, & holding hands until we’d fall again thinking it didn’t matter because we’d fallen together. How many times do you have to fall before you realize that perhaps it isn’t the ground that’s tripping you up? That it might just be you. Do you have to scrape your knees a few times or fall flat on your face? How do you know when you’ve had enough?

I laid there falling in & out of sleep. I had this weird dream that I was baking a cake. I kept checking on it. Ben was there but he didn’t really say much. Finally I took it out of the oven & it was burnt around the edges. He shuffled over to the stovetop & looked at the cake with a somber face. “I told you it was done 10 minutes ago. You should’ve taken it out.” he said & I just stared at him blankly because he was right. I turned the pan over and the cake popped out. I let it cool, frosted it and cut a piece. Jeremy hunched over the counter top and watched me put the cake on a plate with confusion. “You’re just going to eat a burnt cake?” he questioned me. I had just taken my first bite and was going in for a second when I looked up at him and said “It still tastes good so what’s the difference?”. “The difference, Jenine, is that you know the whole cake doesn’t taste good. Only certain parts do. Why don’t you just throw it out and make another one?” he said walking over to the cake, lifting the plate up at different points and angles to get a good look at it. It was as though he was wondering how the frosting did anything but make the cake look even sadder. I licked the last bit of frosting off my fork and said “Because, burnt or not burnt, I still love cake.”

I woke up to a sliver of sunlight shining through the living room across the floor & stopping right at the front door. I sat up & checked the time. It was 7:06. I decided I’d go to the bedroom and get some real rest. I stood up & stumbled towards the bedroom. As soon as I reached the door, Ben was coming out of the room. He was dressed & had 2 bags with him not including the backpack he’d never leave the house without. All of the things I had planned on saying were forgotten. I could barely see straight, let alone gather the words I wanted to say. He looked at me then said “Sorry. Can I just get by?”. “Sure!” I blurted out as I moved to the left, almost jumping. He walked towards the front door & I asked “Umm can at least ask where you’re going?”. He stopped moving and turned, telling me “I thought about what you said J. About us not being enough for one another. I guess I just always thought it would work itself out. But I see what you mean. I don’t know the exact moment when you came to that conclusion, or maybe you decided it, but you should’ve ended us then instead of now. So I’m leaving. I guess I’ll pick up the rest of my stuff over the next couple of weeks.”. That’s it. He was gone. Whatever he had left, the “stuff” he mentioned, was never picked up. They were minuscule items really; a toothbrush, some body wash, a value pack of razors. Things that made you think of him, even though they were all replaceable. It didn’t take long for me to realize that much like the burnt cake, I still loved Ben.

To be continued or whatever…….

Do you guys remember the dream that Chris had about Layne? It just totally breaks my heart 😢

Posted on 10/13/2008
The essence of a dream can follow you all day long. Sometimes two or three days. I have had dreams as a little kid that I remember like they were yesterday, though as time goes on these dream are sometimes hard to tell from actual events as they survive in my memory.
I am fascinated with the essence factor of dreams, period. They are as real as the essence felt from the ambience of an actual place, like a house you grew up in. Your favourite bar, or your school. The first Christmas tree you see every year, the smell of it, and especially songs. Some feelings these environments evoke are awful, some magical. All of them completely real.
Real enough that numerous cultures throughout history have believed that the dream world is every bit as important and substantial and a vital part of human life as the conscious state. Some mysticisms actually look at the world of dreams as being the “true and only world” and everything else an illusion. For my money, if you put an ice pick through your hand, I think it will prove to be a pretty fucking good illusion.
Last night I had a dream that has been following me all day like a sick dog. I was in a hotel near the house I grew up in. I was in a cafe that happened to be the lunch court of my elementary school. Various friends from my past were walking up and talking to me. In the middle of this scene walks Layne Staley. He looked much like he did the first time I met him. Shoulder length hair, clean shaved. Clear eyed and looking about 20 years old. I was so happy. Confused a little, but in a dream like this, I just wanted to accept the idea that there was some mistake and he was alive and well. He seemed happy and said was working on some new music project.
I woke up not long after that with the feeling that I had really just talked to him and he was somewhere doing just fine.
My next thought was one that has plagued me for years. Sitting in Kelly Curtis’ living room with about 30 people, all sobbing. We had just come from Andy Wood’s extra weird funeral-wake thing at the Paramount Theatre. It had these new age overtones that didn’t fit Andy’s life at all. There was an amazing film of Andy with Mother Love Bone band mates. All of Andy’s friends and family were there, mixed with a bunch of fans who I didn’t like but knew Andy would have loved. The fans went home. His friends went to Kelly’s.
We were crammed in a smallish living room with people sitting on every available surface. Couch arms, end tables, the floor. I was leaning on the back of one of the couches that face away from the rest of the room and toward the front door. I remember Andy’s girlfriend looking at everyone and saying “This is just like La Bamba” then suddenly I heard slapping footsteps growing louder and louder as they reached the front door and Layne flew in, completely breaking down and crying so deeply that he looked truly frightened and lost. Very child like. He looked up at everyone at once and I had this sudden urge to run over and grab him and give him a big hug and tell him everything was going to be OK. Kelly has always had a way of making everyone feel like everything will turn out great. That the world isn’t ending. That’s why we were at his place. I wanted to be that person for Layne, maybe just because he needed it so bad. I wasn’t. I didn’t get up in front of the room and offer that and I still regret it. No one else did either. I don’t know why.
Years later, at Layne’s funeral, I was angry. I kept hearing the “twice as bright, half as long” speech and the “he was just too special for this world” nonsense that I had heard at so many other funerals for so many other friends that were so young and talented. I’m not sure why I was that angry. Angry at Layne? Angry at all my other friends for leaving me? Angry at the people running around in circles saying “I knew him best” or “I was the only one he really trusted”, angry at all of them for squandering what I thought of as brilliant futures that would make the world feel to me like a place worth living? Or maybe I was just mad at myself because he was dead, and one time I had a chance to pick him up, dust him off and let him know that there was a person who cared about how much pain he was in and I didn’t do it.
If I ever run into him in a dream again, I hope I remember to apologise.
Night all. Sweet dreams.
C

Fic: Life’s Treasures (Chris Evans x Reader)

A Chris Evans x Reader Fanfic

Rating: T
Warnings: Language
Summary: Requested by anon - “Can you write a Chris Evans imagine of him proposing to you in Boston? You’re from California but he knew that you would move out there to settle down with him.”
Note: Here you go, lovely. I hope it came out ok. Thanks for reading! xo

—————————————————————————

Marriage had never been a topic you and Chris shied away from. In fact, it was discussed openly from the get go. Just like any other committed couple, it was important to not only you, but to Chris as well to know where you both stood in the relationship. Not long after becoming exclusive, you spent hours upon hours sharing your dreams about your potential future children, and a house spacious enough for a big family, nothing too extravagant where you’d have to hire help, but decent sized bedrooms and a large kitchen and living room to fill with hearty meals and laughter and love and lifelong memories you’d both treasure.

The tricky thing was you were a Californian – born and raised –, while Chris was… well, a forever Bostonian at heart – no secret there. That’d been one thing neither one of you brought to light when discussing your future. Until one day…

Keep reading

The Thirteenth Doctor is... Jodie Whittaker!

The BBC today announced to the world that Jodie Whittaker will be the Thirteenth Doctor in Doctor Who.

Details from the press release follow:

The identity of the new Doctor was revealed exclusively on BBC One and on social media around the world after the Men’s Wimbledon Final on Sunday 16 July.

She will be the Thirteenth Time Lord and take over from Peter Capaldi, who leaves the global hit show at Christmas.

New head writer and executive producer Chris Chibnall, who takes over from Steven Moffat on the next series, made the decision to cast the first ever woman in the iconic role.

Jodie Whittaker says:

 “I’m beyond excited to begin this epic journey with Chris and with every Whovian on this planet. It’s more than an honour to play the Doctor. It means remembering everyone I used to be, while stepping forward to embrace everything the Doctor stands for: hope. I can’t wait.”

Chris Chibnall, New Head Writer and Executive Producer, says: 

“After months of lists, conversations, auditions, recalls, and a lot of secret-keeping, we’re excited to welcome Jodie Whittaker as the Thirteenth Doctor.

“I always knew I wanted the Thirteenth Doctor to be a woman and we’re thrilled to have secured our number one choice. Her audition for The Doctor simply blew us all away. Jodie is an in-demand, funny, inspiring, super-smart force of nature and will bring loads of wit, strength and warmth to the role. The Thirteenth Doctor is on her way.”

Peter Capaldi says:

“Anyone who has seen Jodie Whittaker’s work will know that she is a wonderful actress of great individuality and charm. She has above all the huge heart to play this most special part. She’s going to be a fantastic Doctor.”

Charlotte Moore, BBC Director of BBC Content, says: 

“Making history is what Doctor Who is all about and Chris Chibnall’s bold new take on the next Time Lord is exactly that. The nation is going to fall in love with Jodie Whittaker - and have lots of fun too!”

Piers Wenger, Controller BBC Drama, says: 

"Jodie is not just a talented actor but she has a bold and brilliant vision for her Doctor. She aced it in her audition both technically and with the powerful female life force she brings to the role. She is destined to be an utterly iconic Doctor.”

Matt Strevens, Executive Producer, says: 

“I’m so thrilled that Jodie Whittaker said yes to playing the Doctor. I’ve been a fan for years and always hoped to work with her. She is an actor of great emotional range and inhabits every role with complete passion and conviction. Just thinking about what she will bring to the Doctor makes me as excited as a kid at Christmas. It’s going to be a lot of fun.”


Thirteen questions about the new Doctor answered by Jodie Whittaker

1. What does it feel like to be the Thirteenth Doctor?

It’s very nerve-racking, as it’s been so secret!

2. Why did you want the role?

To be asked to play the ultimate character, to get to play pretend in the truest form: this is why I wanted to be an actor in the first place. To be able to play someone who is literally reinvented on screen, with all the freedoms that brings - what an unbelievable opportunity. And added to that, to be the first woman in that role.

3. Has it been hard to keep the secret?

Yes. Very hard! I’ve told a lot of lies! I’ve embroiled myself in a whole world of lies which is going to come back at me when this is announced!

4. Who was the first person you told when you got the role?

My husband. Because I was allowed to!

5. Did you have a codename and if so what was it?

In my home, and with my agent, it was The Clooney. Because to me and my husband, George is an iconic guy. And we thought, what’s a really famous iconic name? It was just fitting.

6. What does it feel like to be the first woman Doctor?

It feels completely overwhelming; as a feminist, as a woman, as an actor, as a human, as someone who wants to continually push themselves and challenge themselves, and not be boxed in by what you’re told you can and can’t be. It feels incredible.

7. What do you want to tell the fans?

I want to tell the fans not to be scared by my gender. Because this is a really exciting time, and Doctor Who represents everything that’s exciting about change. The fans have lived through so many changes, and this is only a new, different one, not a fearful one.

8. What are you most excited about?

I’m most excited about becoming part of a family I didn’t even know existed. I was born in 1982 - it’s been around longer than me, and it’s a family I couldn’t ever have dreamed I’d be part of.

9. How did Chris sell you the part?

We had a strange chat earlier this year where he tricked me into thinking we were talking about Broadchurch. And I started to quiz him about his new job in Wales, and asked him if I could be a baddie! And he quickly diverted the conversation to suggest I should consider auditioning to be the 13th Clooney.

It was the most incredible chat because I asked every question under the sun, and I said I’d take a few weeks to decide whether I was going to audition. He got a phone call within 24 hours. He would’ve got a phone call sooner, but my husband was away and there was a time difference!

10. Did he persuade you?

No. There was no persuasion needed. If you need to be persuaded to do this part, you’re not right for this part, and the part isn’t right for you. I also think, for anyone taking this on, you have to want to fight for it, which I certainly had to do. I know there will have been some phenomenal actors who threw their hats in the ring.

11. What are you going to wear?

I don’t know yet.

12. Is that your costume in the filmed sequence which introduced you as the new Doctor?

No.

13. Have any of the other Doctors given you advice?

Well they can’t because they haven’t known until now, but I’m certainly expecting a couple of calls - I’ve got a couple of mates in there. I’m mates with a companion [Arthur Darvill], I’m mates with a trio of Doctors. I know Matt Smith, Chris Eccleston and obviously David Tennant. Oh! And let’s throw in David Bradley! Four Doctors! So I’m hoping I get some calls of advice.

The freshman ships
— 

1. Chris x Mc

“I’ve already told her about how great you are”

Originally posted by sensualkisses

2. James x Mc 

“When i look at you i feel like i’m living out one of my stories”

Originally posted by boujee-melanin-babe

3. Kaitlyn x Mc

“You always know how to cheer me up”

Originally posted by sophmonster

4. Zig x Mc

“The main gist was that i’d found a girl who reminded me that i had dreams before life got in the way” 

Originally posted by sensualkisses

4. Becca x Mc

“Enough foreplay, i want you now”

Originally posted by uma-garota-lesbica

Just another Camren Theory

Things to be clear before I begin this theory:

  • All the facts are assumptions. 
  • All the facts are of my own mind (you are not required to agree).
  • I’m definitely not good with specific days/months/years.
  • My native language is not English… so… sorry about some mistakes!

Well…despite not being good with the timeline, let’s start! Let’s do this!
Fasten your seat belts and stay comfortable.

Every-fucking-time I read questions and theories about Camren, everyone has the same impression: They had a relationship for almost ¾ years. We could all see that in all those years, the one who seemed most comfortable in giving us “hints” and talking a little more quietly about Camren, was Camila.

We have all seen that Lauren didn’t deal well with the situation about this relationship in the beginning. She always seemed to be in conflict with herself, with what she felt and what or whom she liked (boys/girls).

Starting from the assumption that Camren had a relationship for almost 4 years, I began to think about these facts that I will present below.

This theory doesn’t have much to do with Camila’s departure from the band, but some facts inevitably intertwine.

At the beginning of 2016, everything looked fine between Camren. The M&G pictures in Brazil showed that everything seemed to be okay. The concerts in Brazil were from 28/June to 05/July of 2016.

I believe they were together and happy at the time, but some conflict had already begun.

Camila already showed signs of tiredness, but not of sadness. Lauren looked very happy and comfortable nearby Camila.

Okay, another point I’d like to say, in that theory I’m not going to involve Lucy, because Laucy as a love relationship isn’t something I believe, so all the trips that Lauren made with Lucy, for me it was like “best friends time”.

Not only in Brazil, but throughout the beginning of the 7/27 Tour they were looking at each other at the concerts and seemed to be okay.

And the M&G things just seemed to be fine too…

At some point, things started to change. The soundcheck began to get increasingly weird, the girls increasingly separated from Camila. Camila was getting more and more depressed, sad and tired.

So what happened? Lauren betrayed Camila? Camila betrayed Lauren? Did they fight? Did they split up? Well… Several times we saw that Lauren was trying to remain happy while Camila had a miserable look of sadness. They were getting farther away in the soundchecks, Lauren disappeared and they said she was stuck in traffic and they did not interact anymore. They did not even sit together anymore.

Of everything I believe about Camren, it’s impossible for me to think about betrayal. At least the way I see this relationship. Pure, crazy, dependent, strong, intense and REAL! No, I don’t think there was betrayal, we know our girls, can you imagine Lauren doing that with her cute bow-girl? Can you imagine Camila doing that with her planet-green-eyes-girl? Well, call me naive or whatever, but I can not!

Camila had a problem with her anxiety and the problems began to be exposed. I think she began to feel the pressure of having to choose and decide about her future and their relationship. 

It seems that things have gotten complicated and they have been moving away. Camila was the farthest.

Ok … here comes what I think happened. Camila expressed her willingness to leave the group, arguing perhaps that she needed more freedom to write, to show her art the way she always dreamed. I believe that all this, in a way, they already wanted her to be a solo artist because they acted to make it happen naturally (they could have double money with this). I also believe that part of the Fifth Harmony team didn’t want that. This includes the parents of the other girls. Of course, everyone knew that the band would be able to continue without Camila, but that would certainly shake a certain structure they already had.

I think Camila wanted and had enough courage to assume Camren, but when the idea of going out as a solo artist came along, I believe it has retreated in her mind. I think this was “offered” to the Camren couple, like “okay, you guys will have more freedom, you can get out of this fucking closet and be freer, but you have to stay in the band”.

I think Lauren accepted this agreement because we saw that along the Tour, she was getting out of the closet gradually and we saw that Camila was running away more and more.

Lauren seemed very happy, after all, had come to the possibility of getting Camren out the closet and finally be TOGETHER.

But she seemed to be always doing all this alone…

I believe there was a conversation where Lauren made it clear that she was going to jump out of the closet, but Camila backed off because somehow she was warned by her “solo team” that if she was really leaving the band, she couldn’t assume her sexuality. On the contrary, they would have to reaffirm and reinforce her sexuality as HETEROSEXUAL!

Lauren kept doing this on her own and obviously gained the support of the other girls. I think what turned the girls away from Camila might have been that. For years dating Lauren, giving hints all over the internet, making love statements and when it comes time to assume…she leaves the band and let Lauren all alone with this ship to pursue her own dreams. 

I remember when Normani’s mom tweeted something about selfishness.

Well… and Clara seemed to be always posting things to defend Lauren and leave doubts in the air.

Camila’s parents no longer helped with the things about Fifth Harmony. Camila’s solo team was more active than ever and she was making it clear throughout the Tour that it would be the last one with the girls. She was making it clear in pictures, social media, reactions and trying to keep her image as straight as possible.

I think at the end of the day, Lauren still hoped that Camila would stay and assume Camren with her, and I even think Camila thought about it, but she has warned again, that if she assumed Camren, Goodbye solo career!

So I guess everyone remembers what happened when a fan asked her (Camila) if she identified herself with the sun or with the moon (Theory of the Sun & Moon) and she said that she identified herself with the MOON, BUT SHE DID NOT KNOW WHY SHE PERSONIFIES THE MOON AS “SHE”.

And I think everyone remembers Lauren’s reaction, right?

For me, Lauren’s reaction on that day was something like: “okay, I’ve already seen that I’m going to do it myself! No Camren for Camila today (or tomorrow)!!”

I really think Camila kept trying to make Camren continue hidden. I guess she didn’t want the relationship to end, but Lauren wanted to assume her sexuality. I think in a way, they initially reached an agreement, after much talk, including and especially between the two 5H X SOLO teams. Like: "she’s going to leave, Lauren can assume, but she can not put Camila on it.” … and for me, that’s how the idea of giving an “up” in Laucy showed up. I think Lucy knew everything and tried to help her best friend. I think Lauren and Camila came to some agreement between them. I think Lauren refused to continue dating and hiding the relationship and that’s what made Camila sad. 

Pursue my dreams or give them up for love ??? 

She was practically between the cross and the sword and she had to choose.

They knew she would leave …

I think that after Lauren realized that Camila was not going to go back, she was not going to stay, she was not going to assume Camren, she started trying to get away for a bit … but I also think that Camila continued trying to make Camren survive inside the closet. 

That’s when Lauren collapsed on stage…

But Lauren seemed strong after that day. She started going out, going to parties, traveling and also fulfilled her “part” in the “agreement” that was to increase Laucy’s popularity as a couple.

For me, it was something like: “Okay, Camila … you want to leave and you will not assume? I’ll make it easier on you! I will not speak about you and I’ll help you kill Camren if that’s what you need/want.”. I think Lauren was really angry and asked Lucy for help.

That’s why I think everyone started giving indirect through social media … especially the Jauregui family. I think they got mad with the feeling that: “then she says she loves my daughter, they live all this craziness and then my daughter gets alone in this whole shit and carry on her back?? As their daughter leaves the band to make her happy solo career??? What the fuck???”.

Call me crazy, or call me delusional, so we’re more accustomed to this term … but I really believe that’s how came from the drama of Clara unfollowing the Cabello family on social networks, Taylor leaving some twitts, Chris deleting his picture with Camila, Lucy unfollowing Camila, Vero no longer supporting Camila (and Camren) … anyway, summing up …

Camila and Lauren fell in love, even with everything a little confused, they started a relationship, they stayed together a long time, Camila wanted to assume, while not thinking about pursuing the solo career, Lauren trying to hide. Finally, Lauren wanted to assume, but Camila was introduced to the idea of having a career the way she had always dreamed, but for that, she would have to deny and kill Camren for good. Lauren tries to assume with Camila, who decides for her solo career. Jauregui family get extremely angry, the other girls upset (For having followed their relationship for all these years), Lauren’s friends gets upset and angry. Camila with just a little of support, always walking with her mom or with Ashlee Juno, who was practically her only “friend” at the end of the 7/27 Tour in 2016.

What do I think about the present time?

I think Camila keep all this time trying to get back with Lauren and trying to talk to try to keep Camren alive, but hidden from the audience. I really think she keeps trying. 

Why?

Because of everything she posts on social media, for all the hints, for the way she’s been directed to talk more about boys, but at the same time, she still leaves roses on the way to certain "you” that we already know who it is!

No, I do not think Camila is the villain and Lauren the angel. Maybe in the heat of the moment, they hurt too much themselves the way this relationship went. For some time we could see Camila very sad and post things like:

Maybe Lauren hurt her before, maybe they ended up fighting because of jealousy … (Because if you believe Lauren betrayed Camila, what reason would her family have to ignore or “attack” the Cabello family? They could not “complain” if their own daughter had done this to Camila. They would not have the moral for it.)

Maybe Lauren is starting to give in, maybe not. Maybe she still thinks that Camila’s departure and the fact that she was “abandoned” with Camren in her arms was some kind of betrayal. Maybe she’s still hurt. Maybe the Laucy kiss was purposely like: “She does not want me to kill Camren? So that’s how I’m going to do it!” … maybe it was a way to hurt Camila how she felt hurt. I can not really tell what happened, but that’s all I believe in. Obviously, it should not be 100% that way, but this is just another theory, like so many others about Camren.

But Camila seems very happy lately … and Lauren is more beautiful and radiant than ever. Camila smiled again like she did before. Camren ship seems to be sailing again … and we stand strong in this (delusional/crazy) sea!

It’s hours later, after the party had gone from so so good to so so bad, that Isak turns down the sheets in bed and tosses off his shirt.

Even though, bless him, scratched a hand through his hair, “So… who exactly was that?”

Isak sighs. He often forgets that the entire William and Noora saga was way before Even’s time- that he was still happily enrolled with his boys, terrorizing the halls of Bakka or whatever silly phrase Mutta had used this afternoon. 

It was so weird to think about, because Isak feels like Even has been around forever, at his side literally always, and any time before that is a hazy mix of loneliness and drugs.

But Even wasn’t there, so he didn’t hear the full story and probably didn’t follow any of the hushed angry whispers between Sana, Noora, and William. 

“Well,” Isak hedges, “That’s a long arduous, complicated and entirely too involved story line that is a pain to explain.”

“Huh,” Even replies, shucking off his own shirt. But he doesn’t climb into bed, “You just seemed really friendly with him.”

Isak snorts, “Um. I don’t think I even said one word to him. I don’t think he even looked away from Noora. He’s got that whole ‘serial killer look’ stare to him,” Isak considers, “I mean you do too, but yours is sexy.”

Even arched a brow, “He literally came over and pinched your cheek and told you you looked,” Even did finger quotes, “Fucking awesome, Isak. All grown up.’”

Isak blinked, because um, no. William did very much not-

“Oh,” Isak said, “Oh. You mean Chris.”

Even shrugs and hops in bed, “He was cute.”

Sidekick Chris. Model Chris. Hot Chris. Penetrator Chris. Okay, so he may have starred in some wet dreams of a Pre-Even Isak… But Chris?

HAHAHAHA

Isak wrinkles his nose, “I mean- okay yeah but not like that. He’s- no. Nei, Non. Nyet. I mean everyone thought we had a thing once upon a time, but that was actually about a yakuza fight.”

“Yakuza fight?” Even get’s comfortable in bed, “I feel like I’m missing a few things here. Who knew Nissen was like Gossip Girl.”

“Oh Even,” Isak rolls his eyes, “Gossip Girl ain’t got nothing on us Nissen kids. So it all started when Jonas and I got jumped by these guys, right?”

New Beginnings Part 3 (Chris Evans x Reader)

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 5,551

Warnings: Swearing, Fluff, Mild Angst, Sexual Tension, Nightmares, Romantic Dorks Involved

Ratings: PG-13

Summary: After your grandparents pass away, you find out they leave everything to you, including a large sum of money.  Deciding to take the advice of your grandparents, you live your life to the fullest; which means moving to Boston and bumping into Chris Evans.

Part 2  Part 4

The windows were rolled down as you drove through the day; the brisk autumn air whipped your hair around your face as Chris’ hand splayed out on your thigh, gently rubbing.  In this moment, things seemed perfect. Naturally, you were sad to leave your home town; the house you grew up in since you were a young girl.  But times were changing, and you were ready for this new chapter, new beginning, and new adventure.  You were determined to fulfill your dreams as they arose.  

Keep reading

People are complaining that James has been grumpy/on edge recently but like… he’s literally running the campus newspaper? He just had all of his dreams crushed last quarter. He wants - NEEDS - for the newspaper to do well. He needs to validate that he can actually do SOMETHING correctly.

And I mean… I don’t hear anybody complaining about Chris being moody because he’s captain of the football team. Why are we complaining about James being moody because he’s the head of the newspaper?

youtube

Just You Wait (12 May 2009)

About that copy of Dreams of My Father:

A particular treasure [of Chris Jackson’s] is a copy of “Dreams From My Father” by Barack Obama. Mr. Miranda brought it back from the White House, where, in the spring of 2009, he performed a number from an embryonic show about the first secretary of the United States Treasury.

“The president had just been elected, and I really wanted to be at the White House, too, and instead I was on stage doing ‘In the Heights,’ ” Mr. Jackson recalled. “It’s the only time I’ve ever been jealous of Lin Miranda. He walks into my dressing room with the book, and I’m like, ‘Oh, great.’ And he says, ‘Open the book, dummy.’ ”

And there it was, with an all but illegible signature: “To Chris — Dream big dreams! Barack Obama.”

More memories:

Jodie Whittaker on being the Doctor:

I’m beyond excited to begin this epic journey with Chris and with every Whovian on this planet. It’s more than an honour to play the Doctor. It means remembering everyone I used to be, while stepping forward to embrace everything the Doctor stands for: hope. I can’t wait.

1. What does it feel like to be the Thirteenth Doctor?
It’s very nerve-racking, as it’s been so secret!

2. Why did you want the role?
To be asked to play the ultimate character, to get to play pretend in the truest form: this is why I wanted to be an actor in the first place. To be able to play someone who is literally reinvented on screen, with all the freedoms that brings - what an unbelievable opportunity. And added to that, to be the first woman in that role.

3. Has it been hard to keep the secret?
Yes. Very hard! I’ve told a lot of lies! I’ve embroiled myself in a whole world of lies which is going to come back at me when this is announced!

4. Who was the first person you told when you got the role?
My husband. Because I was allowed to!

5. Did you have a codename and if so what was it?
In my home, and with my agent, it was The Clooney. Because to me and my husband, George is an iconic guy. And we thought, what’s a really famous iconic name? It was just fitting.

6. What does it feel like to be the first woman Doctor?
It feels completely overwhelming; as a feminist, as a woman, as an actor, as a human, as someone who wants to continually push themselves and challenge themselves, and not be boxed in by what you’re told you can and can’t be. It feels incredible.

7. What do you want to tell the fans?
I want to tell the fans not to be scared by my gender. Because this is a really exciting time, and Doctor Who represents everything that’s exciting about change. The fans have lived through so many changes, and this is only a new, different one, not a fearful one.

8. What are you most excited about?
I’m most excited about becoming part of a family I didn’t even know existed. I was born in 1982 - it’s been around longer than me, and it’s a family I couldn’t ever have dreamed I’d be part of.

9. How did Chris sell you the part?
We had a strange chat earlier this year where he tricked me into thinking we were talking about Broadchurch. And I started to quiz him about his new job in Wales, and asked him if I could be a baddie! And he quickly diverted the conversation to suggest I should consider auditioning to be the 13th Clooney.

It was the most incredible chat because I asked every question under the sun, and I said I’d take a few weeks to decide whether I was going to audition. He got a phone call within 24 hours. He would’ve got a phone call sooner, but my husband was away and there was a time difference!

10. Did he persuade you?
No. There was no persuasion needed. If you need to be persuaded to do this part, you’re not right for this part, and the part isn’t right for you. I also think, for anyone taking this on, you have to want to fight for it, which I certainly had to do. I know there will have been some phenomenal actors who threw their hats in the ring.

11. What are you going to wear?
I don’t know yet.

12. Is that your costume in the filmed sequence which introduced you as the new Doctor?
No.

13. Have any of the other Doctors given you advice?
Well they can’t because they haven’t known until now, but I’m certainly expecting a couple of calls - I’ve got a couple of mates in there. I’m mates with a companion [Arthur Darvill], I’m mates with a trio of Doctors. I know Matt Smith, Chris Eccleston and obviously David Tennant. Oh! And let’s throw in David Bradley! Four Doctors! So I’m hoping I get some calls of advice.

studyblr intro!!!

hey tumblr! I go by Palm and i’ve had this account for a few days but i just got around to making an intro post so here goes !

about me 

  • I’m going into sophomore year of high school
  • my birthday is september 1st !! so i’m a virgo
  • I’m an entj
  • my fav place to go is probably california and i go every year during the summer!
  • I love grey’s anatomy, gilmore girls, the office, everybody hates chris, and oitnb
  • I’m very interested physical sciences/space science
  • I’m a gryffindor !

Classes (next year)

  • Hon Chemistry
  • Hon Pre Calculus
  • AP Government NSL
  • Hon Spanish 4
  • Journalism

future goals / why i made this

  • my dream school is a UC school in nor cal 
  • i really enjoy school and i kind of slacked off in the beginning of my freshman year but second semester i redeemed myself ! 
  • i’m super motivated to go to a good college and just in general i love academics and its awesome to be in a community full of (and hopefully make friends with) people who are equally motivated!

other stuff

  • I’m really into film and art
  • I play ukulele
  • I’m vegetarian and am considering pursuing something in agriculture that has to do w/ sustainable solutions + environmental engineering 
  • me and my brother are best friends and he’s extremely successful w/ school and is so helpful and tries so hard to help me w/ complicated school stuff

like or reblog if ur a studyblr and i’ll follow!

Sawamura Eijun: Okay everyone, from now on we will be using codenames. You can adress me as Eagle One.

Sawamura Eijun: Wakana is “Been there done that”

Sawamura Eijun : Miyuki Kazuya is “Currently doing that”

Sawamura Eijun: Chris-senpai is “It happened once in a dream”

Sawamura Eijun: Sanada Shunpei is “If I had to pick someone not from Seidou”

Sawamura Eijun: Kuramochi-senpai is “I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it”

Sawamura Eijun: And Furuya is… “Eagle Two.”

Furuya Satoru: Thanks god

Chris Evans Fic: Lucky Enough

I’m mega crushing on Dad!Chris at the moment, if you couldn’t tell. Will this dude just hurry up and have a couple of kids already? I’ll gladly volunteer as tribute!

So this is from the same verse as the last three, with the Model!You. This is more about Chris and the eldest child, Mason, though: ‘you’ doesn’t feature in it too heavily.

Also lots of dialogue. You know how much Chris loves a bedtime story ;)

***

It was Friday night and you were out with friends having a few cocktails and good catch up. Chris and the kids had dropped you off in the city earlier and he’d told you to go have fun. He knew how important it was for you to catch up with your friends, especially from Victoria’s Secret. It kept that part of your life present and Chris knew it was important for you to just be you, as well as being a wife and a mother. So he’d kissed you from the driver’s seat of the SUV and watched as you sashayed into the bar, before doing a u-turn and heading back home.

The kids had eaten earlier and after a movie (The Rescuers, because Chris believed in keeping the classics alive) and a quick bedtime story, they were all fast asleep in their respective beds.

Chris had mooched about with a beer in hand, playing with Dodger (as much as ten year old Dodger would allow) and watching a few sports commentary shows. Although, like all busy parents, Chris sometimes longed for an hour or two to himself in the day, when he actually got it, he found he was bored shitless. What did he even used to do with his time before he had you and the kids?

So when Mason, his eldest at eight years old, appeared at the living room door sleepily rubbing his eyes and looking a bit miserable, Chris found he was actually something close to being relieved.

‘Hey little man, what’s up? I thought you were asleep?’

‘I was but I think I had a bad dream and now I can’t get back to sleep.’

‘You want to sit here with me and Dodger for a bit, take your mind off it?’ Chris patted the sofa next to him.

Mason nodded and dropped himself down next to his dad.

‘When will mom be home?’

'I’m not sure, she’s getting a ride back later. Is there something you want to talk about?’ Chris sensed there was a motivation behind the question. He hoped that all his children felt they were able to approach either of their parents equally with any problems but he understood as much as anyone that there were some things you just needed to talk to your mom about. In your absence, however, he needed to be that person for Mason.

'I don’t know… I feel like you’re going to be mad,’ Mason admitted uncomfortably, not making eye contact.

That immediately had all kinds of scenarios whirling around Chris’ mind.

'What’s wrong? Why would I be mad? Are you in trouble?’ He tried to keep the urgency out of his voice but knew he was failing.

'Oh it doesn’t matter, I’ll wait for mom tomorrow,’ Mason made to stand up but Chris gently tugged him back by his arm.

'Sorry dude, I just get worried. I promise I’ll just listen and not ask so many questions.’

'And you won’t get mad?’ Mason looked up hopefully from where he was now tucked under Chris’ arm.

Chris hesitated for a second, formulating the best answer, 'I reserve judgement on that, but as long as you’re okay, I won’t get mad.’

His son looked away again and, taking a deep breath, began to speak:

'So, some kids at school today, they were making fun of me called me an 'accident’. That I wasn’t supposed to be born. That you and mom didn’t want me.’

Mason had been right, Chris was mad. Where would a bunch of kids even get that notion? There had been some speculation around the time the news of your pregnancy broke and it’s closeness to the wedding date but how would kids even… fucking parents. The parents were even worse than the kids at that shitty school, Chris would swear it. Stuck up, judgemental parents who somehow thought that forking out tens of thousands of dollars for their kids education made them the law on everything, like everyone wasn’t paying fees there.

'Who was it? Give me names and I’ll email the principal right now,’ Chris demanded, plucking his phone from where it rested on the coffee table.

'Dad, no!’ Mason panicked, and then started to get frustrated, 'Forget it, I’ll just talk to mom tomorrow.’

He ran from the room and Chris could hear his footsteps one after the other up the stairs. He was caught somewhere between boiling rage and confusion. Firstly, how dare anyone say those kinds of things to his son! But swiftly overtaking that rage was the realisation that he needed to help Mason right now, and not fly off the handle bombarding half his teachers with emails on a Friday night.

So, he rose from the sofa and followed the footsteps his son had taken only moments earlier. He gently knocked on Mason’s door and pushed it fully open to the darkness of his room. The glow-in-the-dark stars cast tiny shadows against the models of planets that hung from the ceiling. In the slice of light that fell through the doorway from the hall, Chris could make out a Mason-shaped lump on his bed, covered completely, head and all, by his constellation bed sheets.

Chris took his silence and stillness as a blessing to enter and he sank himself down onto the mattress where he thought Mason’s feet may have been.

'Mase? I’m sorry dude, I said I’d listen and I didn’t. But I’ve realised it’s more important that I tell you the truth than go mad at the punks that upset you.’

That had Mason shifting and his head emerged as he folded his sheets over, tucking them under his arms.

'What do you mean, the truth?’ His voice was thick and Chris’ heart broke knowing that he’d been crying. Kids could be so mean to each other.

'The truth about you, of course,’ Chris spoke like Mason should know exactly what he was talking about.

'Dad, tell me.’

'I was on a press conference panel for the last Avengers film. I’d been away from your mom for a just over a month and it was pretty hard, being away that long when we were getting married so soon. And it was really busy then and we were on different time zones and it was really difficult to talk on the phone.’

'But I remember feeling my phone buzz in my pocket when I was stood in the wings waiting to go out on the stage and I pulled it out quickly to check it. I saw it was your mom and the first line I saw on my notifications was 'I really hate to do this via text…’ and I immediately jumped to all the worst conclusions.’

'What does that mean, Dad?’ Mason enquired.

'It means I was already imagining that something bad had happened. I thought she was going to tell me she wanted to break up with me!’ Chris’ hands were flying along with his words.

'Daaaaddddd, that would never happen!’ Mason rolled his eyes but he sat up in his bed with a chuckle and Chris knew he was swimming to the surface of his worries.

'I know right?! But that’s what I thought when I saw that first line!’

'So you had to read it before you went out, right?’ Mason leant forward slightly, enthralled.

'Of course! So, heart pounding, I opened up the message. The host is outside whipping up the crowd and announcing us but I don’t hear any of it because I’m so focused on this message and can you guess what it said?’ Chris leant forward towards Mason, eyes wide.

'Just tell me! Please!’

'It said, 'I really hate to do this via text but you’re not due home for weeks and we keep playing phone tag and I just need you to know. You remember I said I’ve been feeling pretty weird for a couple of weeks? Well, after ruling all obvious things out, I just took a test and… we’re having a baby! Have a great day sweetheart, even though I know it will be impossible to have anything but now. Call me when you get a chance so we can be excited together. Love you.’

'Was that me? Was I the baby?’ Mason was up on his knees now, clinging on to Chris’ arm and bouncing.

'You sure were,’ Chris laughed.

'Wait,’ his son went from barely able to contain his excitement to still and contemplative, 'How do you even remember all that?’

Chris pulled him into his side, 'Dude, you know what my job is, right?’

'Yeah, but it’s been years! I’m eight years old now! And you don’t really act much now!’

'Okay, okay, you got me. I screenshot it straight away and I’ve had it saved in my Cloud ever since. Want to see?’

Mason just nodded eagerly and so Chris grabbed his phone from his pocket, unlocked it and located the screenshot. He passed it to Mason who held it between his palms like it was precious. He read the screen, his little face of wonder glowing in the back light.

'Did you reply?’ he turned to Chris after reading the message.

'Not by text. Everyone else was heading out on to the stage around me and I had to go with them. I sat down in front of everyone, loads of people in the crowd, all screaming and lights flashing and music playing and I knew that I had to be there, it was part of my job.’

'But I couldn’t focus. On anything. I was ready to burst inside. And I knew that if I didn’t call your mom right there and then, it could be days and days before we got to talk again. Someone asked me a question and I didn’t even hear it. All the cast were looking at me like I had three heads and I was frozen in my own thoughts.’

'And I just got up and left. I had to speak to your mom and I couldn’t tell everyone there about the news I’d just got even though it was exploding from me. So I walked off stage.’

'No way! Dad!’ Mason exclaimed in awe.

'I’d never done anything like that before. It’s on YouTube!’

Chris pulled up the YouTube app and, doing a quick search, found the video.

'Did you get in trouble?’ Mason wondered after watching it.

'A little bit, but no one could be too mad a few weeks later when we could share the news with our friends.’

'And were they excited too?’ Mason didn’t quite meet his eyes but Chris could hear the hope in his voice.

'Mase, everyone was excited. You were the best news we could ever share with anyone. Just think about Christmas and birthdays for a minute. What are the best kinds of presents?’

Mason sat still while he thought and eventually came up with an answer, 'When you get something you wanted but didn’t think you would get.’

'Exactly, and finding out about you was like getting all my surprise birthday and Christmas presents at once,’ Chris squeezed him to his side in a one-armed hug, 'I didn’t think I’d be lucky enough to get you so soon, but you arrived and made my life a thousand times better.’

'I did?’ Mason looked up at him with eyes exactly the same as yours.

'You did,’ Chris replied definitively, 'and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.’

***

It was after one a.m. when you snuck into the house after a really fun night out with your friends. You tiptoed straight upstairs and, one after the other, headed into the rooms of all your children to kiss them goodnight, gently so as not to wake them.

Mason’s room was the furthest from the stairs so you got to his last, but was surprised upon entering to find not only your eldest son but also your husband, fast asleep.

Chris was on his back, one leg hanging over the side of the narrow bed, one hand resting on his chest. His other arm held Mason, who was using Chris’ shoulder as a pillow, to him tightly.

You paused beside them to take in just how adorable they were before leaning over to gently shake Chris awake. You didn’t have the heart to leave him as he was, knowing how uncomfortable he’d be in the morning having slept in this position.

His eyes fluttered open and you leant down to kiss him lightly.

'Hey babe, didn’t want you to be sore in the morning, although the two of you are the cutest things I’ve ever seen in my life.’

'Thanks sweetheart,’ came the drowsy reply.

Chris came round slowly and realised where he was. He ever so carefully slid Mason’s head on to his pillow and stood up, taking care not to jostle the bed too much.

You leant over to press your lips to Mason’s forehead and followed Chris to your bedroom. You did a quick brush of your teeth and swiped the majority of your make up off with a face wipe before stripping down to your underwear and heading for bed.

'Was he okay?’ you asked as you climbed in under the sheets next to your husband.

'Yeah, he’s fine now,’ Chris pulled you to him, already beginning to drift off having not really fully woken up from his nap in Mason’s room, 'I’ll tell you the full story in the morning but we had a good chat about what happened when we found out we were having him.’

'I hope you showed him the screenshot and the video,’ you replied, beginning to fall to sleep yourself.

'Yeah, he knows all about it now.’