When Grantaire asks Enjolras out, he almost says no.
He doesn’t want to date Grantaire. Grantaire is antagonistic, apathetic, annoying, infuriatingly intelligent and nothing that Enjolras is romantically attracted to.
But Grantaire looked up at him with nervous eyes and Enjolras had wanted to go to that exhibit, and Courfeyrac had said he should try to fight with Grantaire less and it’s only one date, what’s the worst that could happen? It will be awkward then they’ll both forget about it.
Then the date is wonderful. Awkward at first, but they begin to talk about art programs in underfunded schools and they talk and talk and end up at a cafe, eyes wide and bright, listening to each other, trying to understand that other not just dismiss what the other says out of habit. They don’t fight, and when Grantaire quietly asks for a second date at the end of the night Enjolras doesn’t even think about finding a reason to say no.
So it goes week after week, date after date, and at some point they end up holding hands every time they are together, lips pressed to cheeks in greeting and goodbye.
It’s not something Enjolras particularly wants or needs but it is nice, he doesn’t mind. When Grantaire calls him his boyfriend, Enjolras likes the title, even if he doesn’t feel like Grantaire’s boyfriend. Grantaire is still antagonistic, apathetic, annoying, infuriatingly intelligent and nothing that Enjolras is attracted to. He doesn’t want to write sonnets about Grantaire eyes, or that curl right behind his ear, or buy Grantaire flowers.
But Enjolras still wants to go places with Grantaire, and hold his hand, and hear what he has to say about the world. And that’s enough.
And then Grantaire has a dance recital– he comes to ABC meetings right after rehearsal, still in leggings and a loose shirt, smelling like stale sweat, a smile on his face; “today we finally perfected that last pass, it should be ready for Friday, I hope you all can come–”
Enjolras goes home avoiding Combeferre, Jehan, Joly eyes filled with concern, “no I’m fine just a little tired.” Avoids Grantaire, “yes, of course, I’ll be there on Friday, I just need to go home right now.”
And then he’s alone at home and he thinks about the smile Grantaire had, the way the skin around his eyes crinkled, the way he almost hit Bosset showing how he lifts his partner and how his shirt rode up and
His first reaction is to call Combeferre, call Courfeyrac, but this is something that they can’t help with. This is him and Grantaire. He needs figure this out by himself.
Enjolras sits and he writes. He writes down every single thing about Grantaire, pinning him to paper, no detail left unnoticed, no virtue or vice dismissed. He sits and he writes for hours, turning over the man who had crept into his life without notice.
Finally, at two in the morning, he puts his pen down, leans back and thinks aloud ‘I have a crush on Grantaire’
and chaste, firm, upright, hard, candid, terrible Enjolras, blushes and—
‘I have a crush on Grantaire,’
He picks up the phone and calls him because Enjolras doesn’t waste time or emotion and—
—and Grantaire had, at some point, without him noticing, become the most contacted, most thought about, most important person in his life.
and Grantaire sounds so concerned fuck, Enjolras still hasn’t explained why he left the meeting like that, why he was acting so oddly and it can wait because right now the most important thing is
“Grantaire I have a crush on you”
“Enjolras our year anniversary is coming up in 2 weeks what do you mean you have a crush on me?”