i guess that's ok

just sent a text that i know is completely out of nowhere and pointless but who knows maybe good things will come out of it??? but probably not i most likely wont ever get a respond and i guess thats ok too sigh :///

You know I’m feeling a lot of indirect love tonight and as such I want to say some things.

I don’t think I’ve ever really come to know true happiness and with myself until a few months ago when I was open with myself and a handful of people that I’m different. I’m bi and I’ve always kind of known that I was but that’s a private thing that I didn’t know how to share.

I told my best friend first and as a gay man he literally laughed and went ‘okay’. We tell each other honest shit all the time so he took it and accepted it.

Shortly after I told another person who I knew would understand. Someone else who I knew was bi and I’m completely happy with the way she just appreciated me and loved me when I was like “I knew I could tell you, you would get it” and that’s just made me feel happy.

I think that’s where it started.

It’s so easy to not feel like you can be open when the world is telling you different. The thing is I’ve always been open with myself but telling others isn’t a big priority of mines.

A private thing I guess but I’m proud to proclaim it with people who won’t judge and fuck it those that will. People who love me no matter what.

So I guess this is me reaching for happiness and loving every part of me, even when it gets rough as hell. I’m me - a bisexual space nerd with a penchant for writing and you know what that’s completely okay.

//apparently 10pm is my time to talk about stuff.

man like whenever ppl tell me that dating their SO has never felt stressful or scary i get so ?????? like it makes SENSE but i cant actually imagine a romantic relationship where im not. scared of making the other person angry /all the time/ so thats kind of messed up and im looking forward to how thats gonna unravel in my future relationships 👌

I don’t like the idea that optimism is ignorant? Cause like, yeah it can be, but better optimism is when you are taking into account all the factors. Bad stuff happens constantly, and we do and are subjected to shitty things, but what’s important is that we are always learning from it? Everyone is just trying to get by you know? Finding stuff to like, ways to trust, all that junk, like it’s crazy hard, and i’m not condemning the people who don’t, cause i appreciate and respect the opinions of those that disagree with me, i’m a sap and it would be a tragedy if everyone agreed with me. It’s just rewarding you know? I kind of stubbornly refuse to ‘hate humanity’ cause it’s easy to. Like we’re selfish, but that’s ok! Every human is selfish by design, so we’re all looking out for someone or something in a round about way, but that’s for a very different hype shit… The important thing is that optimism is hard, and i want to congratulate anyone who’s still staying positive despite everything, no BECAUSE of everything, don’t confuse optimism with ignorance, use everything, it won’t help unless every factor has been looked at objectively.