i guess i am both and neither

anonymous asked:

Bad sexy idea

((You… didn’t specify who this is for…))

Both: NOT IT!!!  

Mini: I’M NOT DOING IT.  

Wonka: NEITHER AM I!

Mini: WELL ONE OF US HAS TO!

Wonka: IT’S NOT GOING TO BE ME, THAT’S FOR SURE. 

Mini:  WONKA, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.  I ALREADY KNOW WHO THIS THING IS GOING TO MAKE ME KISS IF I TAKE IT AND I DO NOT WANT TO KISS HIM.

Wonka: AGAIN!  NEITHER DO I!  I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!! I AM NOT ADDING MORE FUEL TO THIS GODAWFUL FIRE. 

Mini:  WELL THEN I GUESS IT’S UP TO THE ANON.

BOTH:  WHO IS THIS FOR? ? ?

The Great Misérables Bake Off, Pt. 1 (2500 Follower Giveaway Fic #4)

Both @unpeubrillante and @ihopeintangoyouhavemoreluck requested Great British Bake Off AUs, so I hope neither minds that I am combining their requests into a two-part fic, with part 2 coming tomorrow. unpeubrillante requested E/R and Marius being Marius, while ihopeintangoyouhavemoreluck wanted some Combeferre/Courfeyrac fluff, so I’ve done my best to incorporate both.

I absolutely LOVE the Great British Bake Off (like it literally sustained me through the last few weeks of campaigning), so the best way that I could think to write a GBBO AU was to write it as a transcript of the show. As such, I’ve done my best to honor the spirit of the show, even if it sacrifices my usual flowery descriptions.

Great British Bake Off AU, developing E/R, developing Combeferre/Courfeyrac, developing Marius/Cosette. Fluff. And loads of crack (the fic kind. Not the drug kind).

The following is a transcript of the unaired fourth episode of Season 3 of The Great Miserables Bake Off. As readers may know, Season 3 was cancelled following the fifth episode when it was revealed that both a host and a judge had become romantically involved with two contestants behind the scenes and when a third contestant tried to arrest the other judge. This transcript, broken into two parts, has been provided for legal purposes pending multiple lawsuits against the studio, contestants, judges and, in one unfortunate incident, the cameraman.

The show’s editors regret to inform readers that only the final cut of the episode is available. Unedited material has been mysteriously misplaced. However, we believe that the edited material shows a clear sense of what transpired leading up to the events of the 5th episode, which can be viewed in their entirety in the previously provided footage.

[CAMERA: Opens on typical overcast British summer day. COURFEYRAC and ÉPONINE are sitting under a tree. ÉPONINE’S arms are crossed and she looks downcast.]

COURFEYRAC: I have a joke to cheer you up. Why are our bakers going to be in a panic today?

ÉPONINE: [without enthusiasm] Why?

COURFEYRAC: Because they’re going to be in a loaf or death situation!

Keep reading

So I’m 17…

Age of consent is 15 in Sweden

It’s 13 in Japan

If we go by American laws I’m minor ((IN SOME PARTS OF NORTH AMERICA, big chunks of America has the legal age of 16 which I and Josuke pass))
((not here in sweden though, neither is Josuke here))

I’m in range to date either Josuke and Rohan… ((At least in Sweden))

How am i a pedophile for finding Josuhan cute?

ALSO same thing with Giomis Age of consent in Italy is 14 if it’s a three year gap between partners And guess what 18-15 is 3 so legally both in my home country, Japan where the mangas are written and in the country it plays out Giomis just like Josuhan Is legal without pedophilia ((also legal in big parts of North America hear and be shocked))

I was Tagged by the super cool @furdonkadonk who needs 2 talk to me more tbh

birthday: April 22nd

gender: Agender/Nonbinary

relationship status: got the cutest GFever

zodiac: Taurus

siblings: Little sister

wake up time: 11AM

lemonade or tea: Either I guess?

day or night: I love the night aesthetic??? I love the dark,  but people are asleep at night and I need attention so I typically get really bad at night time :’(

coke or pepsi: Neither????? Both are gross

call or text: TEXT,  I will not pick up the phone if someone calls me unless its like mazz or my mum/dad.  Or if I’m expecting to maybe get a job interview

met any celebrities: Not that I am aware of.

smile or eyes: ???? Nose

country or city: City!!!  But also there are too maybe people in the city so :/

last song i listened to: Something from the Moana soundtrack,  IDK which one tho

I’m not tagging anyone in particular????

Coke or Pepsi Game
I was tagged by @evan-babyboy-peters
♥︎ im on mobile so this might look messy lol sorry

Rules: I guess you just answer the questions and add your own and tag some people

Coke or Pepsi: neither lol i hate those
Disney or DreamWorks: i have to say dreamworks
Coffee or Tea: neither
Books or Movies: both
Windows or Mac: windows
DC or Marvel: unpopular opinion; both
Cats or Dogs: cats
X-Men or Avengers: x-men all the way
Soup or Chowder: i dont even know what chowder is so soup
Netflix or YouTube: youtube im broke
Big Party or Small Gathering: small party 
What’s Worse Laundry or Dishes? yes
Spring or Autumn? spring cause it means school years almost over
My questions:
Candy or chocolate?
Favorite meme?

I tag @noellethepastelhobbit @froodooboogins @unexpectedbaggins @fuckmeturner and @keybladedetweiler

Get to know me tag

Tagged by: @srettik
Birthday: May 7th
Gender: Male
Relationship Status: Single
Zodiac Sign: taurus
Siblings: One younger sister and one older brother
Favorite Color: swampy green or yellow or blue
Pets: 7 year old chihuahua
Wake up and Sleep time: honestly like i get 5 to 7 hours of sleep but sleep at like 3 am tbh
Love or Lust: Love
Coke or Pepsi: Coke
Day or Night: night because i like to soak in the darkness,less to focus on.
Text or Call: Text
Makeup or Natural: natural becsuse im lazy
Met a Celebrity: I met zach callison such a sweet boy
Smile or Eyes: Smile
Dark or Light hair: Dark
Shorter or Taller: i dont care
Intelligence or Attraction: both i guess?
Chapstick or Lipstick: I like both but wear neither
Last Song listened to: Francis Forever by mitski
Thanks to @srettik tagging me, hes amazing and i love him
I tag the beautiful @mangoicecreem and @canned-piss

So my flatmate accompanied me to the Pride Parade

Flatmate: “Are they a boy or a girl? ”

Me: “I dunno. Could be either, could be both, could be neither. ”

Flatmate: “No but seriously.”

Me: “I am being serious. Those are legitimate options. They’re presenting as female so I’d guess they’re female though?”

Flatmate: “No but like -physically-.”

Me: “Well I dunno! I’ve never actually asked them what’s in their pants geez.”

**

I guess I should have expected this from the person who said “I’m a huge LBG… LGB… LBGBT supporter! I know a transgender and a transsexual and a pansexual!”

Distractions

I submitted this for cswritingchallenge, but I guess we’re on hiatus there or something? [am I just out of the loop with that, btw? what happened there?]

Anywho - enjoy some angsty smut on the house. 

AO3/FF


Both Killian and Emma suffer from nightmares, but over time they find ways to deal with them together. Insert angst and smut here. 


For a while they take turns waking up alone - their nightmares checkerboarded so that neither of them get any sleep.

Sometimes he wakes to the sound of his own voice, hoarse with desperation, pleading with the demons of his mind not to hurt her, to leave her and her family alone. Her concerned eyes search his as she cups his cheek, helping him steady his breathing.

Sometimes she wakes in a cold sweat, images of his handsome features twisted and marred in pain as her father’s blade slips from his back still fresh in her mind. He pulls her body closer to him, his hand stroking comforting circles into her hip as he whispers reassurances into her neck.

Eventually their bodies fall into a kind of rhythm, the rough nights hitting them both at the same time.

On those nights they don’t even try anymore. They admit defeat and head to the couch for popcorn and Netflix. Actually, it’s kind of become a ritual of sorts.

It’s a night like this when Emma dramatically throws her arm over her face with a huff – straightening her legs and pointing her toes a little as she breathes deeply [the sheets smell like him – soap, leather, the ocean] and tries remember what woke her. Surprisingly, nothing comes to mind.

She rolls over to get more comfortable and ease herself back to sleep when she notices.

He’s turned away from her, shoulders pulled in toward his chin, knees tucked toward his chest. He looks so small. His breathing is shaky and erratic, and she knows he’s awake. He must’ve been the reason she woke up.

She slips her arm around his waist [the way he flinches at her touch doesn’t go unnoticed] and pulls herself against him, kissing his shoulder lightly.

“You OK?” She whispers, voice filled with concern. This isn’t like the others. Something is wrong. She grows even more worried as the silence between them grows longer.

“Killian?” She says a little louder, gripping his hip and gently pulling it toward the bed to turn him on his back. He fights for a moment before she feels his body relax and allow her to pull him over.

Even in the low light she can see that his eyes are rimmed red and he can’t bring himself to look at her - he looks right through her.

“Tell me.” She traces his jawline with her fingertips, the movement pulling him from the recesses of his mind. When he finally looks at her it’s with both adoration and sadness.

“Was it the same one? With Gold?” She prompts. He only shakes his head a little in response.

He swallows hard - adam’s apple bobbing as he shifts a little.

“Dave.” He says simply, and she finally understands.

She knew that he remembered the alternate reality – he joked about holding it over her father’s head – and the memory had found it’s way into her dreams before, but he’d never talked about it haunting his own.

Seeing him like this made her feel like her heart was being ripped from her chest - which is funny considering it’s something he’s literally experienced and she’s only heard of. But she imagines this is what it feels like - pressure and shooting pain so overwhelming you can hardly breathe.

His face is blank again - she can see that he’s back there again, living the memory whether he’s away or asleep.

“Killian, come back to me.” She says lovingly - hand stroking his hair behind his ear.

“I’m trying, love.” He screws his eyes shut - trying to banish the thoughts by will alone.

When he opens them again she sees that he succeeded, but she knows him well enough to know the calm won’t last long without a distraction.

“Netflix?” she asks, propping herself on her elbow. “Or is there another distraction you prefer?” She puts her hand on her hip and pushes her chest out a little, smirking flirtatiously at him - hoping to break his sullen mood.

Finally, he smiles sweetly (not exactly  the reaction she was hoping for, but she’ll take it) and places a soft kiss to her forehead.

“I don’t deserve you.” He says as he pulls back a little to meet her eyes with sincerity.

“Quit it with that crap.” She responds quickly, slapping his chest lightly - leaving her palm splayed over his heart - which beats a little faster at her candor. “I mean it.”

“As you wish,” he concedes. And she can tell the worst is over.

“Now, seriously, Netflix?” She offers, knowing they won’t be able to sleep again, anyway.

His lopsided grin returns (which makes her heart feel unbelievably full), and in one swift movement he pulls her on top of him.

“I believe there was talk of another distraction,” his hands hold her firmly in place while moves his hips in a teasing circle.

“As you wish” she echoes back to him.

He groans as she wriggles her hips a little so she can lower herself to him. He impatiently pulls her down to fuse their lips in a kiss that quickly leaves them short of breath.

“Bloody siren” he mumbles as she kisses a hot trail down his chest and dips her hand between them to palm at his length - she can feel him twitch and harden even further under her touch, his sharp intake of breath lets her know exactly what she’s doing to him.

She snakes her way even farther down, slipping her thumbs into the waistband of his boxers - pulling them down as she goes.

Reversing direction, she continues kissing up the line of his muscular leg - his shin, his knee, his quad, his hip bone. If she wasn’t practically dizzy with her own desire, she could probably hear his racing heart and shallow breaths.

As much as he loves the feeling of her slowly exploring his body, he feels the sudden urge to be in control, so he brings his hand to the small of her back, expertly flipping their positions – bringing him teasingly close to her core.

Her legs fall further open, unabashedly welcoming him further as he shifts his hips slowly, dragging his cock through her dripping folds - and she groans and grinds against him - searching for the friction her body desperately craves.

“Always so wet for me,” he growls, continuing his motions.

She can hardly take it anymore, every fiber of her being is burning with want and he’s taking so long.

“Killian, please –” her plea has barely left her lips before he buries himself completely in her with a single solid stroke.

“Bloody hell, Emma.” He chokes out, stilling inside her before the feel of her stretched tightly around him takes him over the edge.

“God, Killian, move” she gyrates her hips and swallows his moan with a kiss.

He sets a languid pace, biting his lower lip as he catalogues every sensation, every breathy moan, every needy kiss.

Before long he can feel her start to tense - she’s just as close as he his when he slips his hand to where they’re joined, quickly finding her bundle of nerves and drawing light circles as she curses and praises him.

“Oh god, yes” she doesn’t even notice how loud she is and he swells with pride at the way she reacts to his touch.

“Don’t stop - don’t stop” she keeps pleading with him as he insistently rubs tight circles with his hand and drives his hips into her earnestly, hitting that spot deep inside that makes her see stars just before she crashes over the edge - contracting around him with such force that it’s all he can do to thrust into her one last time with a sharp snap - crying her name as he spills himself inside her.

They’re a sated tangle of limbs and linens as they catch their breath.

“I love you, Killian.” She sighs as she snuggles into his chest.

“And I you, Swan. Always.” He kisses the top of her head and pulls her closer.

Once again, he feels complete. Whole. Content. And they’re lulled back into a peaceful sleep - the nightmares replaced with heartwarming dreams of the future they’re making together.

There’s this girl who used to make fun of me at school all the time and now she keeps appearing on my facebook trying to sell shitty makeup products and getting 0 likes or comments while I’m over here posting some gifs of Sebastian Stan and getting 45k notes on tumblr.com so who’s the real winner here

This is going to sound really bad for a second okay. I hate being genderfluid. When I’m a girl I question everything and forget all my other gender days and just think I’m cis all over again but then on guy days I start to think that I’m trans and question everything else and get mad because I don’t look like a boy at all and makeup makes me look even less like a boy and then on neutral days I have no fucking clue if I’m both or neither I can’t tell the difference. And the worst thing is nobody even asks me if I’m okay or if I like my situation they just guess that I am happy and accepting with myself