the signs as things ive done while manic/depressed
(while manic) facebook messaged my first ever boyfriend who i havent seen since ninth grade and told him his cover photo was stupid
(while depressed) holed myself up in my room for four days watching "how to get away with murder"
(while manic) climbed off the side of the escalators in a shopping mall rather than waiting for them to roll to the bottom
(while depressed) went to a school field trip, but by the time i got there i got too sad to actually go in, so i made a friend sit with me the entire time on the bus in the parking lot while i cried and all of our classmates had fun inside
(while manic) performed at a poetry slam on a whim and got first place
(while manic) slammed three mountain dew energy drinks at 11 pm to finish an essay and ended up painting all over my body and not finishing the essay
(while in a mixed episode) made plans with friends but was too depressed to text them and say i couldnt come, so i just hid my phone somewhere and sat down naked on the ground in my bedroom for the entire night
(while manic) laid down face down on my bed and lit several boxes worth of matches on fire
(while depressed) got drunk on angry orchard and vodka and rode on my friend's stationary bicycle all night long singing ice ice baby to myself until i passed out
(while manic) very loudly laughed at my keynote speaker's speech during my graduation ceremony
(while depressed) sat on my kitchen floor for an hour and ate an entire gallon of chocolate ice cream out of the carton while dissociating and listening to green day
(while depressed) tried to learn how to make a flower crown to cheer myself up and had a meltdown when it didn't work out
Damn that last time I did one of these was in December I think?? Wow. Okay so I finally have the motivation to do one of these again (didn’t think that was gonna ever happen.) I’ve mostly doing some writing here and there, reading (I’ve recently become obsessed with this ya trilogy called Num8ers, it’s really good), and been in a weird funk as of late. But I’m living off of the salt of my facebook timeline right now. Fair warning this will be long. So without further ado.
There’s a picture on my Facebook
From late in my 19th year
Belvedere in one hand
Grape soda in the other
While wearing a green Che Guevara shirt
Smiling, got me a little goatee growing,
Scratched out Valentine’s card
I’m never nowhere
Anywhere where they are
I’ve only asked God for help
When my families car got stranded
Other than that I’ve never had any sort of relationship to church
If I say hi
I’m entering briefly
Children getting off on drinking
Nah I passed
Two of my wives chalk it up to arrogance
They’d be 75 percent right
Storytime with Rick; “Backstage after the show. Danny wouldn’t let me take a pic while his shirt was off… although the little bastard got into ridiculous shape this last year, total six pack, big biceps, the works… making me look bad…” (Facebook post, date unknown, although I assume it’s 2012-2013, due to the ‘six pack’ incident)
Someone tried to steal from me. So, I did the mature thing and called his mother.
A kid I was referred to (he’s a stranger to me basically) hooked me up, and I trusted him as the middle man. My money disappears, unsurprisingly.
I got my revenge:
The kid stopped taking my calls, stopped answering my texts, so during my deep brooding at 5am in my bed, I hatched a plan. I know this kid is in highschool, so he lives with his parents. He never gave me his real address, probably because he was planning on ripping me off from the beginning. After some facebook stalking that came up inconclusive (I could only find his cousins, but I didn’t want to ruin his life completely by messaging them that their cousin is a drug dealer and theif), I checked yellowbooks. All I gotta say is that yellowbooks should be illegal man, I found his address (cross-checked it with where I picked him up, his real address is one street over so I knew it was legit), and more importantly, his home phone number. So, I sent him a simple text. I said “I know you have my money. Please return it, or I will call your parents.”
He didn’t reply.
After a bit, I sent him his address saying “is this correct?” (I know I sounded threatening, but I apologized to his mother later on saying that I didn’t mean to sound threatening.) He says “no.” well, obviously he would say that, so I just told him I’d see him later. I asked if his parents are home before 2, and he said he lives alone (which is bullshit), and that he and his guys would be ready to throw down. I told him that I dont wanna fight, and that just wanna talk. I gave him his chance, and he had up until now to return my money. I believe in second chances, but he forced my hand.
So, when I got home from classes, I called his mother. I’m a very respectful and polite person naturally, so I made was positive I could talk to his mother about this. I call, ask if this is the (kid who robbed me)’s residence, and told his mom that I’d like to talk to her about his son’s behavior. I told her that I have evidence that he stole $260 from me (I took screenshots of everything), and that I approached her because I wanted to settle this as peacefully and as quickly as possible. I explained the situation, and told her that she should change her son’s phone number because I easily could have been an undercover cop and that I got both his name and phone number from someone who’s basically a total stranger to the kid who robbed me. She thanked me, and I told her that I didn’t want to do this but I was left with no options. I promised her I wasn’t a thug, and just a normal person. I said that he was lucky that it was me who he robbed, because other people might have attempted to hurt him (which was the recommendation of a lot of people from other posts, but I left that part out). I sent her the messages that showed he threatened me, and I said that I hate violence (which I do) and that I felt that this was the best way to effectively deal with the situation. I left out the part of me wanting to buy an ounce, because that would have scared her quite a bit if she knew how much it was, but she gave me her phone number and told me it’ll be sorted out, and that he’ll lose his car immediately. She tells me to block his number, I thank her, she thanks me and I tell her that her son seemed like a good person, but I was still robbed nonetheless.
I get a text 5 minutes later from the kid saying “fuck you you stupid fuck” and I block his number. I wont be getting my cash back for a while since I’m taking a family vacation for a few weeks, but she promised me I’ll get my cash back. At this point, I didn’t even care too much about the money, all I wanted was revenge. That sweet, sweet justice boner feels soooo good.
As I was feeling depressed and feeling like shit at 1am, DJ khaled got me through, and it was these words that helped me create my plan:
idol: sehun ( exo ) genre: angst a/n: hello everyone! we are so sorry we have not updated in like…. 400 years. lol. anyway, we are coming to a close for our school year. please expect more writing eventually! ( i feel like we always say this but I’m being serious ok. ) anyway, i got a request to do a song based off this with sehun! enjoy! i hope it doesn’t suck.
Ex boyfriend, who?
Sehun had deleted your name from everything he possibly ever owned. Deleted the pictures on his instagram and facebook, kicking up dust to hide your name. He deleted your phone number, and cleared you out of his head. Soon enough, you were nothing. He had other girls in line for him, those who were much more beautiful, confident and intelligent… Yet none of those girls were you.
I was getting ready for work when I decided to Google “how to wear dark lipstick with eye makeup” because I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing sometimes. The last page I had open was Facebook. I noticed I received a friend request… and it was from my so-called father who left us when I was about seven years old. Judging by his profile picture (he hasn’t aged well), he got remarried and had two more children. I quickly blocked him. My heart was racing so fast I thought I was having a heart attack. I had to reapply my foundation because I had sweat most of it off by that point.
i am the biggest fucking creep on this entire earth
i just spent the entire c-train ride home talking to the cutest guy and we hit it off and lmao omg he got off at the same stop as me and everything and we like were lingering so fucking long and neither of us had the courage to ask for one another’s number
and i just got home and searched the everloving shit out of facebook because all i knew was he goes to the u of c and his name was spencer and he had a friend named anton
Super Cute Things™ from the black sails facebook chat:
JPK whispering “gomez” when luke said “selena g” fjsklafjksdlf
JPK admitting to napping in her corset on set and clara reminding her of the time she got grumpy when no one was there to take it off her after she was in it for a million hours O:) <333
luke @ tom: “your chest would look amazing [in a corset]” tom: “would it? >:D” luke: “YEAH”
tom saying that his favorite thing about filming the whole show was tOBY STEPHENS MAKING HIM LAUGH :’’’) omg bless
hannah quoting the silverflint scene and telling luke “you can approach quietly now O:)” after someone comments “john silver got his leg back!!!”
hannah’s sad face after the question “how did you all feel when you heard this would be the final season?”
luke saying that if they did more seasons and had to up the ante any more than they already have “one of [them] wouldn’t have made it home.” and everyone going THAT WOULD’VE BEEN TOBY STEPHENS. TOBY STEPHENS.
that little moment between luke and clara when they’re talking about how massive and fully-functioning the set is and luke sighs wistfully and goes “our home :’(” and clara turns to him and goes [sadly] “YEAH :’(”
tom talking about how little they ate in order to look starving for season 3 and how during the scene between billy and silver in 3x03 where silver is freaking out he was thinking “……..omg…[luke]’s genuinely freaking out…..NO, SERIOUSLY, EAT YOUR RATIONS”
clara sending everyone a picture of her breakfast fjsdklfkjdslf :’’)
everyone continuing to be obsessed with jack rackham
“we miss zach” “I SAW HIS DOPPELGANGER LAST NIGHT”
Here’s what happened: I came to the set around 7am. I was walking around just looking at things when I finally managed to ask a crew guy when they’re shooting.
“In about an hour,” he said.
“Is James Spader gonna be here also?”
“Yes, he is.”
“Wow.” I felt so stupid as soon as it left my mouth.
“You’re adorable,” the nice guy said.
I thanked him for his help and went looking around again. 9am. I could hardly wait.
As it turned out having no internet while in the USA was terrible. I stood in front of Starbucks at around 11.30am and still nothing had happened. I went onto Facebook to chat with my girls when I read that they were filming in Washington Sq Park. I took off immediately, as it’s not that far from where I was standing.
Of course. Just my luck. They were wrapping things up when I got there. No James. I was sad, thinking that I had just lost my one and only chance at meeting James Spader.
Walking behind some crew members I heard them saying, “Set 2 is just that way. They’re shooting now.”
I followed the signs and managed to find set number 2. It was a hot set. I had to know for sure, so I asked the crew.
“Are you shooting right now?”
“Is James Spader here as well?”
“Yes, he’s up in the building.”
I stood in front of the set and watched people walk into the building and out again. At one time I thought I had seen James’ head, but it could’ve been wishful thinking.
The door opened and suddenly HE walked out, cigarette almost immediately between his lips.
I died right then because he was handsome. Even from the other side of the street. He was quite fast on his way from the set as well and with my bum foot I almost had a hard time keeping up! I took photos as he walked in front of me, unsure of how I should address him. Sir seemed so formal. Jimmy wouldn’t do it, I don’t know the man.
Oh god, what do I do? I asked myself.
“James?” I called out, my voice soft. Where did that come from?
I thought he didn’t hear me, but then he stopped and I almost crashed into him. He turned slowly, his eyes settling on me. He was wearing his amber sunglasses, the whole dark blue Reddington outfit complete with a fedora. I died a little.
“Hi, I’m Sina,” I managed, even though my throat was parched and my lips probably cracked. I smiled anyway.
And he returned it. “Hello, Sina.”
Did he? Oh, yes, he did. He said my name! And I am sure that it will never sound as sexy again. I died again right then.
He seemed in a hurry, as did his assistant, but I had to ask.
“Would you mind if he took a photo?”
“No, I would not mind,” he said. And my god how can someone look at you like that? I felt as if he was looking right into my soul.
I asked his assistant if she would take the photo and handed her my cell. I completely forgot that my cell case is pink with a flamingo sitting on a chair, legs crossed, a cigar in his mouth and a tumbler of scotch in his hand - yes it’s an Alan Shore as a flamingo cell case. If he saw, he didn’t comment. Hopefully he didn’t. But it’s still better than my countless James’ butt or James’ face cases. Lucky me.
She snapped the picture and I thanked him.
“Thank you so, so much.”
“You’re very welcome,” he said in that deep voice.
I wanted to say so much more, but suddenly I didn’t know how to speak anymore. He was standing so close and my heart was beating violently in my chest.
His assistant took off then and James made a movement with his hand, raising his brows as if to say I gotta go where she goes.
“Have a good day.”
“You have a good one, too.”
I watched him quickly making his way towards his trailer then, looking as fine from behind as I thought.
My hands started shaking. James fucking Spader. My dream came true. He was so nice, not that I doubted it for one second.
For all those that wonder (and yes I was one of those as well): he smells clean and fresh and even though he was smoking, he didn’t really smell like cold smoke or anything.
I was more than happy and continued to stroll around the sets. There were four different ones, so there was actually a lot to see. Of course standing around a hot set is even better, even though it was inside a building and I couldn’t see much. Whenever they took a small break, James would immediately have a cigarette between his lips and his cell at his ear. No, I didn’t ask him who he was calling.
As I was walking up one street, after telling the crew that they had fucked up their “German (Berlin)” police car and ambulance, I intended crossing the street next to where they were shooting. I didn’t know they had just gone on break so here I am walking up that street when Spader comes around the corner, that man is fast!, and we almost collided. There was a “woooo” from me and a “careful” from him and I almost died with embarrassment.
The crew knew me by then, I had been there from 7am onwards, and so they were actually not bothered by me walking this way and that, but man I felt like a freaking stalker whenever I managed to see Spades. I wasn’t even trying… Not all the time okay? I was just walking around, trying to find out what was going on and James was strolling up and down the sidewalk with his his phone or walking towards his trailer. I tried to not look at him when that happened.
It was getting later. I was exhausted, the bathroom at Starbucks was disgusting, but when you gotta go, you gotta go. I would sometimes just sit in that little “park” called Sheridan Square to rest my legs, while anxiously looking around for new things to discover.
As it was getting later, it was getting colder. I was only wearing a blouse underneath my jacket… For obvious reasons, but of course I had forgotten to unzip my jacket when I met him. I was fretting over how stupid I had been with him afterwards anyway. I had felt so intimidated by him. Not that I was scared, but the way he looks at you as if there’s nothing more important than whatever it is you need to say, threw me off. At 24 I can tell you, I don’t know how to speak to men I adore. So I was walking around the block again, checking on the pharmacy set when I noticed a familiar face. I stepped closer and it was indeed Solomon (I’m sorry I have no idea what your real name is). What threw me off then was that there was Ryan Eggold standing right next to him. As I found out later, the two of them are in cahoots, breaking into that pharmacy together.
Since I don’t have internet in the US, I wanted to quickly make my way to Starbucks to tell my girls and share some photos. I hadn’t even fully rounded the corner, I must admit I was very well hidden, when Spader and I almost collided again. What are the fucking chances?!
He went all “I’m sorry” and then something must’ve clicked and he went “oh, you are still here?” And I almost died because he recognized me… Yes, I’m pathetic.
“I’ve been here since 7am actually,” I said and he chuckled. So I say, “yeah that’s my type of vacation.”
The smile he gave me made up for the pain in my legs. “Where are you from then?” He asked and I told him that I’m from Berlin, Germany.
“That’s quite a long trip.”
“But so worth it,” I said and I couldn’t stop smiling, because hell, I’m actually having a conversation here. One without stuttering or spitting or making an idiot out of myself.
He told me that they’re shooting on a set “located” in Berlin.
“I noticed,” I said. “I saw the cop cars and ambulance… Even though they look kinda wrong.”
He told me that he didn’t know anything about that so I told him that he should come to Berlin and see for himself. “We would love to have you there,” I said. The cold must’ve loosened my tongue. That or it had numbed my brain.
I loved that he didn’t even take a drag from his cigarette while we were talking. Like it didn’t matter one bit. He’s a true gentleman.
Inside I was like, you and me? We can be friends, Spades. Let me be your friend! Anything beyond being friends works too. My mind is in the gutter when it comes to him, okay?
Sadly it was then that Mrs. “Omg-we’re-burning-5k-dollars-per-minute-on-the-location-alone-we-need-to-hurry” interrupted us. He needed to get back to work and I didn’t get the chance to tell him about going to Boston in a few days…
He told me to enjoy the rest of my vacation and I almost said, “you, too” like a freaking idiot, but I caught myself and said, “thank you. Have a good night”, instead.
I’m still somewhat embarrassed I almost ran him over twice or well, maybe he almost ran me over that one time, but the fact that we bumped into each other is too funny.
Thank you, James. This moment made my life complete. I’ve travelled thousands of miles and even though you hate having your picture taken, you did it anyway. I wish I could’ve told you about how much I love your work and what a great actor you are, but I’m just a shy girl that somehow managed to talk you up. I will never know just how I worked up the courage. I couldn’t be happier.
I was doing a Work&Travel year abroad in Australia back in 2011 to 2012 when I was 18. I was working in a restaurant in the Melbourne CBD for a few months. The cook (D.) had made several advances on me which I rejected, partly because he was la good 36ish years old. He then became really persistent, bought me unwanted gifts and asked me out for dinner, which I friendly declined as well. After D. realized that I wouldn’t take on his advances, he got really aggressive. He threatened me to throw me out if I didn’t go out with him, he told me that he knew where I lived and that it would only be “a matter of time”. I told my boss, but he shrugged it off, saying that “D. can be hot-headed sometimes.”. D. continued to insult me via facebook and one day pushed me in a small corner of the kitchen and pointed a knife at me, telling me that I should better obey to him. I fled the place instantly after I was done with work, without saying anything to anyone.
I know that I did nothing wrong, but I’m still ashamed that something like this happened to me, and not for the last time. I am since really guarded towards men, but they somehow always end up abusing my insecurity to their advantage, talking me into things and threaten me. I am thinking about never getting into a relationship again, I’m too scared. I wish I could tell my mother, but I’m fairly sure that she would want to file a lawsuit against those men, but I’m too scared of anything like that happening at all. I wish I wasn’t so scared.
9348) There was a guy I hooked up with (one night stand).
I gave him oral/a handjob, and I never took off my pants, so my penis never became relevant. After checking out his Facebook profile a few weeks later I see his conservative as fuck, very homophobic, and thinks of trans people as their birth sex, so if he knew I was trans he’d see me as a guy. And I find it kind of amusing in a way, because I wonder how he’d feel if he knew he got sucked off by a ‘guy’? lmao
I keep seeing this on Facebook and so far everyone agrees with it but how can you put courage into a category like yes it was courageous of a soldier to bring back one of his own but it was also courageous of Caitlyn to stand up there and tell everyone who she really is, courage comes in different forms and everyone see courage on different way for example my mother is 42 years old and today she finally built up the COURAGE to get a her first ever tattoo (she got a semi colon for my little sister) some people may not think its a big deal but for my mom it was a massive deal to permanently ink her skin and to get a symbol to represent her daughter, same goes for this photo people may not think the Caitlyn Jenner speech may not be courageous but it was a MASSIVE deal for her even you don’t think it, IT IS STILL A COURAGEOUS THING TO DO