i go hither

curls and tufts, or: a season by season comparison of the eppes brothers’ hair

is this a thing that needed to be done? not… not as far as i know. REGARDLESS.

season one

charlie: messy, a bit haphazard. the perfect little ringlet falling over his forehead. soft-looking, glossy, but with the potential to be slightly crunchy. a good start! 8/10
don: kitten hair! shorter on the sides and in back, sticking up in front. looks like the kind of hair you could run your fingers through while you kiss him. 8/10

season two

charlie: unreal? an actual god, come to life? long, soft, luxurious, the kind of volume you can’t even imagine in your wildest dreams. those soft little curls at the front, brushing at his eyebrows, accentuating his perfect fucking face. infuriating. possibly illegal. 12/10
don: more fuzzy than fluffy this time around. like you could take your palm and rock it back and forth on his head and it would feel like brush bristles. (am… i alone in that? okay, that’s fine.) he’s clearly frustrated with charlie’s hair as well. i don’t blame you. 6/10

season three

charlie: a renaissance painter, gazing upon his latest work with dismay. the curls are tamer than season one and shorter than season two. but they look nice and soft, and the way they’re pushed back shows off his face, always a good thing. still, i’m missing the volume. 7/10
don: don no! bad don! he goes through a Lot of Stuff in season three so i can’t blame him for taking it out on his hair, but like. you did this before all the Stuff. maybe the Stuff happened because you cut your hair so short, don. don’t do it again. also your sideburns are too long. (actually looking at this again it doesn’t look nearly that bad, it’s just he looks so good with fluffy hair.) 4/10

season four

charlie: don’t look so distressed, chuck, your hair’s got more volume and more defined curls than last season, plus you’ve got that sweet little ringlet going on again. you need to know this would be a mullet if it weren’t curly, though. you’re lucky. 8/10
don: whew. it’s not the kitten hair of season one, but it’s not last season’s abomination either, so i can’t judge too harshly. a good mid-length. not much to say. 7/10

season five

charlie: the first few episodes were like season four, and then episode ten rolls around and that happens?? it’s commented on but never explained. in later episodes he styles it better than whatever wet dog, over-gelled high school mess is happening here, and by the end of the season he’s got a respectable head of curls again, but my god, charlie. never again. 1/10 but also 6/10 so… 3.5/10 for the whole season?
don: clearly don is taking up the slack when charlie’s hair falls off the wagon. in addition to a longer length all the way around, not just on top, you’ve got those soft tufts beginning to kick out from behind his ears. i have a whole analysis about how don’s hair reflects his journey as a character but i won’t go into it now. suffice to say i love this. good job don. 8/10

season six

charlie: at this point, charlie’s seen things. he’s done things. he’s tired. it’s not that he doesn’t care about his hair anymore, it’s just that it’s not as important as it used to be. the curls aren’t as defined, the style is more slicked back. not so many ringlets anymore. it’s still beautiful, it’s just. he’s got other things on his mind. 6/10
don: oh my god. those curls. that softness. that’s hair you could twist your fingers in, hair you could comb behind his ears, smooth off his forehead, bury your face in at the end of a long night. those are the curls of a man who is comfortable with himself, or at least on his way there. those are curls that say ‘i don’t need to differentiate myself from my brother so harshly any longer.’ a+ self-actualization hair. 12/10