i get awkward when i panic

I imagine Gabriel Agreste to be that awkward kind of Dad. Like he is so awestruck by the fact that that baby is his baby, he made part of it, and his beautiful wife brought the baby into the world, and the baby is so perfect, his perfect son Adrien, he is so full of wonder with him that it makes him awkward. When he holds the baby he overthinks, overanalyses, worries ‘am I carrying him right, what if he gets uncomfortable, if he cries at me I won’t know what he wants’ and he panics and is so hesitant around his son that he doesn’t know how to do this right. he’s such a perfectionist in all areas of his life, in fashion, in his work, he’s cool calm collected he’s in control, but when the baby cries or smiles at him or looks at him with those adoring expectant eyes he feels so much pressure and he just panics. He turns to his wife, who has guided him through fatherhood so well. He is so proud of his son but he is emotionally stunted how can he show it, he puts up walls, but behind them he is so proud of his son. When his wife disappears his grief becomes this huge chasm between them, because after all this time, without her there he doesn’t know how to act around his son, he needs her help, her guidance, and he can’t do this without her. 

I like thinking about the happier times in that family, when the glue that held them all together was that sunny blonde woman who had heart enough for both parents. 

Here’s Johnny (8) - Final


So… This is it. This is the last chapter. Honestly, I never thought I was going to finish this shit but here I am… Finishing this shit. What profound words.

Anyway, enjoy! I’m really gonna miss this series :)

Length: 4,012 words

Warnings: Violence, mentions of death, language, panic.

Do you know that feeling you get when you first make friends with someone?

You feel reserved at first, before someone breaks the ice.  After that – after the first awkward exchanged words – the dam breaks and you exchange stories in a flood of excitement and laughter. Slowly you find out things about each other. What you like, your past, your habits, what you hate… all of this is a honeymoon phase.

Then, eventually following, come the days after this so-called honeymoon phase.

You find out things about them that irk you, and you have to decide if you can pardon that or not. If you can pardon their flaws, and they can pardon yours, than a true, healthy friendship is born. A relationship that will last years, upon years, upon years. Yet, if you can’t ignore their flaws, bitterness is born. Your conversations become tainted with a sour flavor. Your words start leaving a stale taste on your tongue, and their words leaving your ears stinging like rug burn.

It was not like this with Johnny. It wasn’t like this at all. The two of you had no honeymoon phase; you were just thrown into each other’s lives by pure coincidence.  The brunette didn’t know he would become so entangled, and you could’ve never predicted risking your neck for the man now left without a label.

At the same time though, not much has happened in the week you’ve been away from your apartment. No… conversations, or at least important ones. It’s been filler. Small, insignificant things that felt more tense and strained than everything else. Something was in the works, but neither of you knew what.

You thought through all of this as you laid down flat against an old, faded children’s bed in the middle of an abandoned houses second floor. It was soft, clearly worn by love and use. The four walls surrounding you were a light shade of pink, dappled with pastel flowers in the whole range of the rainbow. It was quite cute, actually. It wasn’t too far off from what you liked as a child.

In the house, Johnny was nowhere to be seen, having left roughly an hour back to scout the area. At this point, you knew he wouldn’t do anything to screw you over. If one of you fell, the other one did too. Invisible chains linked you two together and you couldn’t find the desire in you to find your way out of them, preferring to stay right by his side. It was best, for the both of you and everyone else, that way.

You closed you mouth and filled it with air, puffing up your cheeks like fish. When the pressure became too much for your lips to contain, you let all the air rush out in one smooth go. Your breath didn’t fog, but it might as well have due to the lowering temperatures. Night was due, coming in two hours at most. You cursed yourself (and Johnny) for not stopping by your apartment and taking the necessities. Water bottles, canned food, flashlights, phone and charger (electricity still ran through certain areas), that kind of stuff.

The front door down the stairs creaked, the disturbance causing goosebumps to rise on your skin.

It might not be Johnny, you thought, remembering what he had told you earlier.

“The lock is busted,” you quoted, “Don’t come out unless I say it’s me.”

You heard a floorboard squeak downstairs.


You swung your feet off the bed, taking care not to make any sound as you let them connect with the soft, carpeted floor. The ground was supple and forgiving, effectively muffling your footsteps as you pushed yourself of the bed and made your way to the closet. You cursed, hangers littering the floor of the small space.

They might make some noise, you thought as you attempted to brush them away with your foot. You heard another floorboard croak, this time almost at the top of the stairs.

Johnny, where are you?

You shoved the rest of yourself into the closet, only partially closing the door due to no inside handle. There was no way to close it completely, leaving a small gap about the width of a finger. You crouched down, hoping to avoid a high line of sight. The footsteps were right outside of the room now, and your heart was beating fast. The vital organ felt like a race horse just out of the gate, franticly trying to pull itself forward. It was like it was trying to jump straight out of your chest and onto the floor in a bloody mess.

You tried to control your breathing, slowly taking in air through your open mouth, jaw lax. Slow and steady, slow and steady…

The door to the room opened, creaking on its hinges, and the intruder entered. Honestly, you were tempted to call out Johnny’s name. There’s a good chance his habit of sneaking and remaining quiet had taken hold of him, making him forget to announce his presence.

This thought, however, was gone as soon as the heavy, black boots of the intruder strode on in. He was facing the opposite direction from where you were hiding, but you didn’t need to see his face to know he wasn’t the one you had abandoned city with just days ago.

They were tall, possibly even more than Johnny, with messy dark hair on top of their head. Their profile raised the hairs on your arm, although you didn’t know why until they turned around. A slightly upturned nose, skin that contrasted greatly with his dark hair, a long torso…


Your eyes widened, spread open in terror as a smile rose on his face. A glint was in his eyes and it was just like the one he had when he dripped that horrible liquid into your stirring blood.

“Y/N,” He said, approaching the closet with his hands snug in his pockets, “You thought you were free, didn’t you?”

He crouched, just inches from the small gap, body blocking a portion of natural light from entering the closed space. A hand laid itself on the edge of the doors frame, clenching the wood lightly between his hands, “Too bad you’re not.”

You gulped, quivering like a leaf. He was but a breath away, cold air caressing your cheek like death’s kiss. His dark, dark eyes bored into your own and read every secret they had ever learned, “You’re not real. You’re dead. Johnny killed you.”

He smiled, pushing the door open with a sly smirk, his focus on you remaining unwavering and cruel. He reached a pale hand forward, resting it on your knee. You shivered with fear, but could not pull your gaze away from his for fear that he would take advantage of a moment of unawareness.

His thumb started to move, rubbing at the under section of your knee where the soft part was. It was the same spot the doctor hit to test your reflexes, making you feel the urge kick. You would have, if you weren’t so convinced he was about to kill you.

“I’ll let you in on a secret, love,” he stopped rubbing your knee and tightened his grip to the point of black and blue bruising, “You can’t kill me.”

His brown eyes darkened to a charcoal, grabbing you behind the knee and pulling you forward with an aggressive tug. You screamed, kicking out at him as he dragged you by the leg across the carpet, burning your skin through friction.

“Let me go, let me go, let me go…!” a choked sob left your lips as you clawed at the floor, trying to get a grip on anything, anything at all, “Johnny!”

“Johnny can’t help you. Johnny is the reason you’re dying. He will kill you! He’s no different than I!” Jaehyun leaned down and grabbed you by the wrist, pulling you up off the ground in a mess of limbs and tears before he threw you on the bed, pinning you down with a grip on your wrists and legs. He pinned you with his knees, using his greater than average height to his advantage.

“You’re lying, Jaehyun!” You cried out, thrashing and clawing at his wrists, “You’re a fucking liar!”

“Do you want to know why, Y/N? Do you want to know why you can’t kill me?”

“Get off of me!”

He ignored your screams, “You can’t kill me because I’m him and he’s me. We’re the same. You think you’re okay because he fell for your pretty face, that him giving you a little kiss makes him tame?”

“Get off me, you cunt!”

“Language, you little whore.” He bit out, spitting on your face, “You can make a beast sleep, but it won’t be long till it wakes. You’re worst fear will come to life and he’ll eat you alive, limb from limb. Nothing will be left of you for your mother and father to see. Oh, wait! That’s right! They’re dead.”

The feeling in your chest was worse than a bullet to the heart, “Don’t speak of my parents like that.”

“It’s your own fear talking, sweetheart.” He sighed, pulling a knife out of his back pocket. It was the same knife he had used to cut you, and the same knife he was killed with, “You’re afraid of losing him too, and you’re afraid it won’t come with death.”

He hummed, using the backside of the knife to wipe away your flood of tears. It did little to help, only resulting in smearing the salty water across your cheeks. He smiled, licking the knife, “I always knew you’d taste nice.” He continued with the torture, kissing under your eyes as the tears kept coming, ignoring the quivering of your diaphragm and the raspy, ugly chokes escaping you in hiccups.

“Stop, Jaehyun, please.” You choked out, shaking as he drew the knife again and pressed it right where he had cut seven days ago, “Just stop.”

“Stop yourself first,” he whispered while pulling away, sitting back on his hips. He reached down with a single hand, forcing you to open your eyes and see. What you saw was not him, it was someone far worse.


He smiled, tilting his head in a way you normally thought cute. This time, though, it was terrifying. He parted his familiar red lips and spoke, “Wake up, darling,” He drew the knife back into the air, “Wake up.”

The silver plunged into your stomach, cutting deeper than anyone ever has.





You let your eyes close, and let the pain fade away. You let yourself fade away.


I’m hearing him, now. I’ve really lost it.


You felt a hand on your shoulder and a head on your chest. It felt warm. Feeling was returning like a trickle, and you could feel your cold hands moving inch by inch away from your clammy sides. Soft hair tickled your neck, a face buried in the crook of it.

A sniffle, “Wake up, you fucking bitch… Why the fuck are you… I swear…”

You recognized that voice and opened your eyes. On your chest, his head and shoulders were laying. His brown hair was tossed about in a complete mess, ruffled against your clothing. Johnny was kneeling to the side of the bed, clutching the fabric on your shoulders like he was trying to keep you from flying off. You noticed how dark it was; it probably in the middle of the night.

So that… was all a nightmare?

“Johnny?” You rasped out, trying to sit up. He lifted his head, eyebrows raised in shock before falling in a sigh of relief.

He sat back on his heels, “You’re awake.”

You nodded, laughing at yourself. Tears that had stuck to your skin slipped down your cheeks, dripping off your chin, “I’m so glad that wasn’t real.”

Johnny furrowed his brow, “What… what happened?”

Should I tell him?

He got up and sat on the edge of the bed, gripping your hand softly.

No, you thought, I shouldn’t.

“You were yelling in your sleep, almost screaming… I heard you a few houses over when I was scavenging. You yelled…” he bit his lips, “You were yelling his name. Jaehyun’s. Then you… you yelled mine as well.”

He played with your fingers and turned away, breathing in deep. His hands were steady, and it felt grounding, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah…” you muttered out, fighting back the urge to shiver. You had fallen asleep on top of the sheets, rather than under them. No wonder why my dream felt so real, “I’m okay.”

“No you’re not,” he moaned, dropping his head to the sheets. He had folded his long legs up Indian style, flopping completely over himself like a dog, “You shook your head when you said ‘I’m okay,’ its basic psych.”

“Shut up,” you scoffed, wiping the last traces of tears away with your sleeve, “Stop being a smart ass.”

He hummed, sitting back up with a groan. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it right after as if rethinking his words. Once a few minutes of consideration passed, he parted his lips, ready to voice his thoughts.

Warm brown eyes draped a world over your own, “I think I need to tell you about my past.”

You raised your eyebrow, “Really?”

“Yes, really.” He sighed, “And get under the covers. You’re fucking freezing.”

That brought a grin to your face, but it was soon wiped away as dream-Jaehyun’s words returned to you. You can make a beast sleep, but it won’t be long till it wakes.

You ignored your creepy, dark thoughts, “No problem. I feel like I could make the air condensate at this point.”

Johnny laughed at that.

“Anyway,” Johnny started, “It’s a long story. A really, really long story.”

“I’m not going back to sleep anytime soon, so tell away.”

“Good to know, you insomniac,” he grumbled (good-naturedly) before returning to his train of thought, “It started when I was really young. My mom left my dad and I when I was just three, and she didn’t exactly take care of me in the time I was really little. The whole wasn’t held as a child, neglected baby shebang. That’s probably why I was so…” he looked down at his hands, “Well, me.”

“I didn’t develop proper social skills, I was quiet, I thought everyone was out to get me. I was purely convinced that if someone said they loved me, then they were lying. I believed such a feeling didn’t exist. I was so apathetic. So fucking convinced that if I let people in, I would be betrayed, just like my mother did to me when I was young. My father left too, eventually, when I was 18. It was just another drop in the bucket, at that point.”

“When he left, and I was all alone… I dropped out of college, giving up my academic scholarship to some other asshole. I worked for random places, working odd jobs, never staying in one place for too long. The most memorable one was a theater company. It was where- that was where I met Jaehyun for the first time.”

Wow, you thought, what a fitting occupation for the crazy bastard.

“I thought he was insane – I mean he is insane – but I thought he was admirably insane. A new breed of brilliance. He was a lead actor and he sang beautifully. I don’t even like musicals but I enjoyed watching from behind the curtains, just the boy who rolled the curtains on and off. Insignificant, forgettable… But he saw me, tucked in the corner like some anti-social rat.”

“What wonderful luck,” you droned sarcastically, messing with the thin linens.

“What wonderful luck, indeed.” He chuckled, but it had bitterness to it, understandably, “He fucking ruined my already shitty life.”

“I can imagine.”

“You won’t have to,” Johnny ran a hand through his hair, “He approached me after our last showing of Sweeney Todd, asking me if I wanted to go with the crew to celebrate in some rundown bar. I said yes, of course, not wanting to seem like a dick head, and so off we went.”

“At first, he seemed fine. A little bit eccentric, but he’s an actor, so I don’t know what I expected. Talked, bitched about how hot the stage was, mic setup, basically all that shit everyone in this business complains about but never bothers to fix. Eventually, play after play, we got closer,” Johnny gulped, gasping on his breath a little, “Regrettably close.”


“Do you want to-” You started, biting your lower lip, “It’s okay to tell me only what you want.”

“No!” He caught you off guard with the sudden yell, “No… If I don’t tell you every bit of this, I’ll feel like I’m lying.”

You sighed, kicking up the end of the sheets. He gladly pulled some over his lap, letting his large hands rest on top, “Alright.”

“Okay…” He drew, trying to think of where he left off, “Oh, yeah. After we started… you know… he became different. He seemed shaken one night, but he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.”

Johnny paused, “I think that was the first night he killed someone.”

You hummed, rubbing his leg soothingly with a foot. His face looked like the skin was laced with steel, hardened as he recalled the memories, “I had no idea. I had no idea what he was about to drag me – us – into.”

“He stopped attending theater practice, he didn’t come around as often, no one but me saw him…” Johnny sighed, “Needless to say, he lost his job, not like he cared though. The old Jaehyun I knew was gone, replaced with one who wouldn’t tell me where he went at night, wouldn’t tell me why he never ate with me… I was afraid I was going to be left in the dark again.”

“So… I approached him one day. I confronted him about all his odd behavior. Looking back, this is probably my biggest mistake. I could’ve let him go and continued being bitter but at least I would still have clean hands, but no… I asked where he was going at night, and he invited me to join.”

“Is this where the Order comes in?”

He nodded, “Yeah, it is.”


Johnny laughed, “Fuck is right. Jaehyun took me to this brick building in the rich western southern district of the city, which obviously made me really fucking confused. What the hell were we – a couple of college-age dumbasses – doing inside a clearly high class structure? It felt too clean, like I was a rat running their pretty white floors.”

“A man, probably in his forties, led us to a back staircase. It was white like everywhere else, except when you got to the bottom… Something was clearly off. There was equipment laying on tables, stuff like knives and saws, biohazard waste bins, a shit ton of disposable plastic, face masks… Similar to the ones you’d wear in a hospital.”

“When we passed through that section, it opened up to a room of men and a few women. I recognized one man as a member of the cities counsel, and some woman who I assumed to be his wife. There were probably more important people there as well, but I didn’t know them at the time. They were drinking a liquid out of fancy glasses, and Jaehyun had giving me one. It was blood.”

“They locked me to the chair, asking Jaehyun all these questions about my background and history. He knew more about me than I knew about myself, it was so analytical. Eventually they turned their attention away from him to me, and began pressing me. I was scared, unable to get the taste of blood out of my mouth when they told me why I was there.”

“They told me to ‘Join or die,’ essentially. They said that I had to ‘contribute,’ that I couldn’t leave once I knew about what was happening. They kill people, Y/N, and disguise it with political power. They indoctrinate messed up people like me to get rid of who they deem worthless, street pollution, the sort that people ignore on cold winter nights. The police were in on it too, they were payed to ignore it. Not fully, though.”

“Not fully?”

“Yeah,” Johnny sighed, “If you’re caught you get put on death row just like any other murderer. It’s a cycle of kill, eat, avoid. Monthly you had to bring in a body, or at least some part of it. Jaehyun was a favorite of theirs, mostly due to his ability to act. He never failed to present, so they were excited when he brought me in. The Officials, the ones who ran this, immediately held me to high standards.”

“They pay on a kill by kill basis, which explains why Jaehyun quit theater. He’d found a new place to exercise his love for acting, and get paid handsomely for it. It was in this for about a year and a half before I got injured that one night in the alley. I’d separated myself from Jaehyun months ago, letting myself slip into a day job with a sick occasional night job. It was pure coincidence that the apartment I went to – your’s - had Jaehyun as a neighbor.”

“Oh,” you muttered, “That’s really…”

“Yeah,” He laid down, “And you know the rest.”


“All this made me have an overly aware sense of mortality, too.” Johnny sighed laying down across the sheets, scooting up to where you were, “I’ve been too close to death for too long.”

You nodded, scooting back into his chest. You had another question, one last thing you wanted to know…



“How many people have you killed?”

He went silent, breathing in deep. He began to mess with your fingers, “20, I think. 21, if you count Jaehyun.”

“Ah,” you whispered, turning over so you were facing him. His warm brown eyes looked lighter, even if the lighting was dim, “Make that 22.”

“Excuse me?”

“When you killed Jaehyun…” You started, sighing, “You killed the old you, too. Make it 22.”

Johnny laughed, brushing your hair behind your ear, “That makes no fucking sense.”

“You make no sense. It’s perfect,” you reached your hand up between the sheets and flicked his nose, resulting in him scoffing and jokingly biting at your finger, “If you think about it, he was the one who forced you into that. Jaehyun wasn’t a good guy, and he pushed it on to you. You’ve simply shed that skin. You’re you now.”

“Fair enough,” he sighed rolling on top of you. You wheezed, trying to push him off. He situated himself on top of you, pecking your face all over, “Make it 22, huh?”

You whined as he pecked you lips, pressing into them a bit more in order to open them up. He chuckled against your displeased groans, ignoring your complaints about ‘how heavy he fucking is.’ Eventually he pulled away, letting you breathe.

“Alright, alright…” He got up off you. You watched as he approached the window, yanking the water swollen wood up till it was completely open. He reached into his back pocket, pulling out the switchblade that he’d stolen of Jaehyun.

“What are you doing?” You asked sitting up in bed, the sheets falling from your shoulders.

Johnny sighed and ignored your question, looking down at the knife. It reflected a small portion of moonlight, tossing a sliver glow across the room. The glow shifted as he examined the blade, before finally disappearing when he reached his arm out the window and threw it to the marsh, the mud gripping it and pulling it down to its final resting place, never to be used again. He returned to the bed, lying down beside you.

“I made it 22.”

So…that’s the end. I know a lot of people were expecting smut but it just didn’t feel right, so I chose to not include it. This was very hard to end, as well, mostly due to the oddness of this and the lack of forethought. I all honesty, this is a complete rough draft. I might go back and edit it one day/add in stuff but if I do its going to be a while from now.

Thanks to all the reader who read this hot mess all the way through :) It means a lot to me, really. I’m amazed got more this many readers, I never had thought it was possible. Thanks to all those who liked and reblogged, to those who gave me early on feedback. All feedback, really. Without that I would have stopped before I really even started.

I’ll stop crying now :,)

Thanks :)

Identity woes

After finding out that ladybug was responsible for choosing the identities of Queen bee and volpina, chat assumes and feels hurt by the (possible) fact that ladybug has known his identity the entire time.

The entire thing blows up into a huge argument in which Adrien reveals his identity. Not caring who knows. “Let everyone know, let the whole world know!!”

Queen bee is taken aback “adrikins??”
The group pause for a moment
“Wait, adri–” volpina drops her transformation “Chloe??”

Finally all three teenagers stand before one another detransformed and their conversation quickly goes from ‘holy crap its you’ to looking expectantly at ladybug

….who panics and dashes with a quick “i-i can’t” rushing home.

When she’s gone plagg tries to explain that the stakes are higher for a ladybug and her identity, but the other heroes just don’t get it.

Things get awkward after that and the team start to drift apart more and more.

It affects them in battle and they start to lose their edge over papillon because although they’re powerful they can’t work effectively as a team and mostly get in each others way.

This turns awful one battle with 'The pyromaniac’.

This villain manages to shoot a deadly strike at chat noir….which is intercepted by ladybug.

Her transformation is dropped as she goes flying down the champs Elysees coming to a stop on the concrete below.

Queen bee takes charge and they barely manage to wrap up the battle.
Chat’s cataclysm destroying the butterfly.

But by the time they’ve finished the paramedics are already gearing up to take Marinette to hospital.

She’s in critical condition after a fall like that but due to her bond to her miraculous stone she is able to heal at an accelerated rate.

Ironically now the entire world knows her secret identity.

Its on every news outlet. Every TV show. Its all everyone talks about for weeks and even after its mentioned casually as if its the most important thing to know in the world.

Because it us. Everyone wants to know about the girl behind ladybug and reporters are obligated to report on it.

Adrien thought it would get better after they all knew, but it’s not better at all.

He was used to being hounded by the press but Marinette had it so much worse.

She had the press, the government, religious leaders, people in search of healing and wisdom surrounding her. As if she’s some sort of demigod.

And Adrien can see from afar that shes growing to hate her mantle.

Her parents have to move their bakery online and make all their social media accounts private

Their house is refurbished and downstairs is no longer a welcoming bakery but is shut off so the rest of the world will stay away, now only the delivery sector of their house usually works but with family help the dupain-chengs will soon stop operating out of their own homes (the one good thing that comes from all this is that their goods are now really popular).

But Marinette has stopped coming to school, or really even leaving her house. Ladybug or otherwise.

Suddenly plaggs words make sense.

None of the other quamis have powers so celestial, if their identities were revealed then there wouldn’t be so much to gain but ladybug can bring people back to life.

That’s why her kwami told her never to reveal her identity under any circumstances. Because it would truely transform her into a demi-goddess.

sing until your lungs give out: when you feel like screaming the world down, but while still being emo trash.

01.  This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race - Fall Out Boy // 02. I’m Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance // 03. Ready to Go [Get Me Out Of My Mind] - Panic! at the Disco // 04. Pretty Handsome Awkward - The Used // 05. Novocaine - Fall Out Boy // 06. Ain’t it Fun - Paramore // 07. Mama - My Chemical Romance // 08. Jack You Up - Mindless Self Indulgence // 09. One of THOSE Nights - The Cab // 10. Liar Liar (Burn in Hell) - The Used // 11. American Idiot - Green Day // 12. I Don’t Care - Fall Out Boy // 13. Misery Business - Paramore

On the 100, men have some of the best hugs together.

Looking at this post and just feeling again how I love that when two men hug on The 100, it isn’t some hesitant dance of shoulder patting + keep-your-distance-from-gay-cuties dudebro hug. It IS A FULL ON GENUINE HUG WITH ARMS AND HEADS AND SHOULDERS all tucked in. Jasper and Bellamy, Jasper and Monty, I think maybe others too though I can’t say off the top of my head. But there’s no gendered hesitance in the hugs we get on this show. They actually take comfort from each other instead of just having an awkward social moment when both young men have a minor panic of internalized homophobia. None of that “Where do my arms go?? Should we pat the back without letting our torsos make contact?” body language that I see all the time in American masculinity culture. In this apocalypse future, couples hug and friends hug–and while some hugs are more overtly romantic, the difference is not particularly big, nor is it worth getting excited over. A hug is more than that.

On this show, a man hugging a man doesn’t threaten one’s masculinity; instead it’s about genuine affection and trust. It’s a subtle aspect of The 100 but one of the ways it routinely impresses me with its rejection of toxic masculinity in the heroes.  These boys (and these men) cry on screen and no one mocks them for it. They express grief and talk about their feelings. They hug when they need comfort or when they are parting with a dear friend. Boys and girls can have friendships without nauseating discussion of a friendzone, because having a friend is valuable just as its own thing. Being strong in this show isn’t about rejecting things that could be perceived as feminine, because femininity isn’t presented as weakness. Strength for both genders is measured in loyalty, responsibility, perseverance, and giving everything you have to help others.

I know it’s got problems but in some ways this show is so rare and precious and it just blows my mind how consistently good they are with subtle gender dynamics. What other shows are even trying on this front?

Cute person at the store who was hella staring at me, and smiled harder when I made eye contact and smiled: you’ve brought me great amusement after this brief moment, at your confidence, and at my blushing/awkwardness.

skylarkofthemoon  asked:

Sorry for the weird ask. How would s4 (especially Reisi and Saru) would react if Awashima got pregnant? (Let's say izumo cos they're perf) Munakata would probably do the readings and be the best caretaker ever, the alphabet boys all try to survive her mood swings and Fushimi is uncomfortable until the point Awashima just grabs his hand so he can feel the babies kick and poor Saru feels weird yet fuzzy at the same time. Idk i just think that would be cute to imagine :)

Munakata would totally be reading up on pregnancy and childbirth, imagine him just randomly informing Awashima of all these interesting new facts he has learned. Kusanagi keeps getting a slight twitch every time Munakata shows up to offer a new helpful suggestion but Awashima is of course very touched by her Captain’s concern. Munakata is also probably very keen on baby-proofing the office in preparation for Awashima’s baby, he keeps mildly scolding Fushimi for leaving his knives out everywhere as that would be unsafe for a child. Munakata is totally looking forward to being an uncle, pretty much. Early on in the pregnancy I could see Awashima getting a bit annoyed at the alphabet squad fussing over her because maybe they get worried when she’s leading them on a mission or during a fight when she’s still perfectly capable of handling herself. As she gets bigger she probably can’t move as easily and has to be further from the front lines a bit which is weird for her but she appreciates how concerned everyone is for her. Also everyone is like preparing themselves for extra weird food because they figure Awashima’s diet is strange as it is now just imagine her with cravings. As it turns out though Awashima’s pregnancy cravings are pretty much like Fushimi’s entire diet, she only feels like eating bland things and meat and nothing too sweet, she even goes sparingly on the anko, everyone is so confused. Fushimi sort of avoids her a lot because he’s definitely a bit uncomfortable, I could see Fushimi having this mild worry that if he touches Awashima he’ll break her somehow, like he figures he’s not good with kids or with pregnant women and he doesn’t know how to deal with them so he’s better off keeping away. He’s very subtly solicitous of Awashima’s welfare in his own way though and maybe one day after Awashima’s been working hard all day and she’s sort of sitting at a desk looking a bit haggard Fushimi walks by and just leaves a vitamin drink on the edge of her desk without saying anything. Awashima comes up to him later to thank him and Fushimi looks away and mutters that it was nothing, Awashima sighs a bit fondly and finally she takes his hand and asks if he would like to feel the baby kick. Fushimi’s all like wait let me go at first but then he touches her stomach and he’s a little nervous but kinda fascinated, like he can feel something moving and it makes him feel fluttery a little and he can’t quite move his hand away. Awashima probably thinks this is unexpectedly cute if Fushimi too, I bet she’d be happy.


It has just recently come to my attention that my mother reads fanfiction, and has found my story; I was just over at her house, and she’s like, “I’ve been reading this story,” and I thought she meant one of her trashy romance novels, or something by Stephen King. Nope. It’s Asking Too Much, by fictorium. And in my mindless panic, I asked if she was reading any other Supergirl stories and she had two or three more, and when I heard “Queen of Everything…” my mind was like, “No, abort.”

Now, I’m not ashamed of my word-doodles, or worried she’s going to make any kind of deal about it. No, she’s going to be weird, and if she knows it’s me, I’m going to be getting awkward questions at 4AM. “But, like, if they had sex…” and I’m going to die of embarrassment because my mother has no filter. 

7x06 Review (Just my thoughts)

1. I knew that Caroline and Alaric would be the ones together before watching the episode because my friend came on to fb chat to freak the fuck out about it to me and I was like, “Oh yeah not surprising. Tumblr came up with every possible theory like honestly GET ON TUMBLR.” Alaric and Caroline is just awkward no matter what plot device reason they’re using to put them together.

2. Stefan as a father is actually kind of the most adorable thing in the world and Paul really seemed to be into the scene, which just made it all the sweeter. Although I really don’t think he’d be saying “dad”, was it really that difficult for them to make him say “father”? LIKE COME ON. And I felt Stefan’s panic when he was looking for “Jacob” so that was actually quite well-done barring the “dad” issue.

3. I actually think when Stefan wakes up from his dream is a perfect example of TVD’s problem because Caroline is there and says, “Who’s Jacob? You were yelling his name…” except you don’t actually see/hear a dreaming Stefan call out Jacob’s name in his sleep and it’s like, even THAT, writers? Even that you can’t show and must tell??? 

4. Valerie interrupting Stefan and Caroline in a towel is pretty much exactly like when Elena came to visit Stefan in season 1 and ran into Lexi into a towel. Like I can’t even with that parallel. Although when Valerie says, “I should put some clothes on” and Caroline says, “Yeah. You do that.” I had to laugh because Candice delivered that line so well.  

5. Stefan telling Caroline to “just trust him” is ridiculous and a terrible way of appeasing her insecurity and actually just sounds like a brush off. He doesn’t even appear conflicted about whether or not he should tell her about Valerie’s secret, you don’t see him hesitate or search her expression and then sigh and decide to keep Valerie’s secret and he couldn’t even be like, “There are just some things I can’t tell you and I know that sucks but please, trust me” which would be a VERY Stefan thing to say. They aren’t meshing, it just isn’t working and from Candice’s interview, I can tell that the writers are doing this on purpose but WHY? They’re basically stripping away everything that makes Stefan a good boyfriend.

6. That makeout scene was awkward, I’m sorry. The way Stefan puts his hand on the couch, I think what should’ve happened is he should’ve put his arm around Caroline and pulled her closer to him so as to show some sort of security and THEN Caroline should’ve put her arms around his neck because the way it played out, it just looked like Caroline being way more into it than Stefan. And even when Stefan says, “I really like this form of manipulation…” I mean you could SHOW that. You could show Stefan getting really into it and whispering, “Don’t think I don’t know you’re manipulating me.” They just seem so stiff.

7. Bo AKA Mute Black Man Servant is just so blatantly offensive to me and I have no words.

8. Julian honestly just reminds me of a “older” Klaus and it’s wigging me out.

9. That Bonlaric phone call. How the hell is Alaric snappy at Bonnie because the soul they put into Jo isn’t actually Jo’s soul? That isn’t Bonnie’s fault. She didn’t want to do the damn spell in the first place so take care of your responsibilities, Alaric. And Bonnie’s whole “I can’t watch her because I have to go to Mystic Falls” or, writers, you could just allow her to say something like, “I have an exam that  I need to study for and I don’t want to get kicked out of school” and actually make her LIVE HER LIFE. And we STILL don’t know what Bonnie is studying. What year is she in? What does she want to do after college? For fuck’s sake.

10. I need to take a moment to appreciate how sexy Paul Wesley looks in a white collared shirt … … …. OK, moving on.

11. I don’t really know how I felt about the Valerie/Caroline scene wherein Valerie lets Caroline know that Stefan is withholding something from her because I thought it was a very pointed scene but at the same time I could buy the idea that Valerie assumed that Stefan would tell Caroline since she is his girlfriend. Eh, skipping over that.

12. I have to admit I;m enjoying the Defan dynamic this episode; Paul and Ian played well off of each other and it reminded me of season 3, of Stefan having a plan and being determined to execute it and Damon being like tralalalala Elena tralalalala why do you have a plan? tralalalala but what about my man pain over Elena? Although when they do that whole “furniture” bit, Stefan completely fucked that up by calling the furniture “psychotic”, it’s no longer a working metaphor now, guys.

13. Matt, you are officially irrelevant, which sucks because I would’ve utilized the hell out of you if I were a writer on this show.

14. All of you already know how I feel about the Bonenzo moment as they arrive to Lily’s house. Bonnie pretty much ignored Enzo’s existence and vice versa for two seasons and you expect me to believe that they’ll just be bantering at the door and Enzo would randomly say, “in case anyone asks, you’re my date”? The only way this would work is if the show established that Enzo is how Caroline was in season 1 or Rebekah in season 3 where he just clings to different women to get different things, like he was first obsessed with Caroline and when that didn’t work out, he moved on to Lily and that’s not working out so he’s moving on to Bonnie because she’s there but it turns out that he actually *feels* something for Bonnie and Bonnie calls him out on it (of course) otherwise, you’re just being like HERE. PUT THESE TWO TOGETHER. Of course, my way isn’t ideal either but there isn’t any character on the show right now that wanted Bonnie first because JP HAD to kill Kai.

15. Is there a reason why they can’t kill Bonnie and resurrect her five minutes later and Elena would just be NOT SLEEPING anymore?

16. Even the dynamic between Stefan and Damon and Julian is like the dynamic they had with Klaus. Am I the only one noticing this?

17. I have to address it, between Mute Man Servant Bo and the black maid we see when Stefan first enters the party and the black student who only received a C in Jo’s class to the black singer at Lily’s party, the subtle yet blatant and systemic misogynoir and anti-blackness of TVD is making my blood boil.

18. Last episode, Lily has this entire speech about how Julian made her better, how she could survive anything as long as she was with him (basically drawing parallels between herself and Julian and Damon and Elena) and LIKE Damon and Elena, I DON’T SEE IT. This episode should be a follow up on that, we should see what she sees/feels and THEN see the reality of the situation because all I’m seeing is Julian kissing Lily’s neck and her saying her family is complete. I don’t get what you SEE in him and part of what makes a villain horrifying is seeing how they can be with one person and how they are with others.

19. LOL at Bonnie glancing at Enzo who is glancing at Lily. IN. WHAT. WORLD.
And then she fixes his tie so she can help Enzo make Lily jealous? WHAT? OK, I won’t lie, when they stare at each other as she’s fixing his tie, it’s hot, it’s a sexy stare but it’s one of those things for me where the detail is one I enjoy but in the larger scheme of things it’s ridiculous because it’s SO transparent and manufactured and forced, it’s not a relationship or a dynamic that’s building naturally because the show didn’t give it enough time to evolve despite apparently knowing they wanted to do it since 6x21.And they make Bonnie clown Enzo for trying to make Lily jealous in the first place by having her say “It’s called dignity. You should have some, it’s free” and yet, Bonnie, you’re here with a nondate trying to make the woman he actually wants jealous because as a “date” it’s your job to do so? WHERE IS THE DIGNITY IN THAT? And then she smiles to herself as he says “have a nice night” and walks away? WHAT WAS THERE TO SMILE AT? It’s not like HE was the one adjusting something on you or moving your hair out of your face or zipping up your dress or something, you’re the one doing his tie, HE should be the one grinning. My GOD, these writers. This is why we need BonKai. Bonnie had all the emotional power in that relationship, Kai was determined to prove himself to her and they challenged each other.

20. At least they kill someone who isn’t black this episode. Jfc.

21. Guys, GUYS, it’s an actual scene in which Stefan and Damon discover that Lily “took over” Damon’s bedroom and because Bo and Julian were fencing earlier on in the episode, there are fencing swords in Damon/Lily’s bedroom and then Damon dangles Lily’s, his mother’s, panties from the edge of the sword and waves it in Stefan’s face who has to grab them and throw them to the side. WHY IS THIS A SCENE? WHY ARE WE MAKING THIS AS OEDIPAL AS POSSIBLE? It’s not enough that they both want to kill the father figure???? LIKE I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THAT WAS NECESSARY.

22. Another moment to appreciate Paul Wesley in an open-collared suit. … … … OK I’m done.

23. I also like how Stefan used the SAME trick to vervain Damon like he did in season 1. Like … you’re predictable, Damon.

24. Stefan, you had Julian where you wanted him, on fire, and then you WATCH as Lily runs forward and puts a blanket on him, like why couldn’t you have restrained her? I thought you had no love loss for your mother. Lord.

25. “What did I do to make you hate me so much?” Lily, you did abandon him as a child and then repeatedly chose your heretic family over him. Like I don’t think you’re as cold and badass as everyone on the show makes it seem but I think that warrants a reason why Stefan wouldn’t particularly like you.

26. Julian rambles on and on about how the Phoenix Stone is hell and how he’s going crazy. I WANT TO SEE IT. Him beating the shit out of Stefan and Damon isn’t proof of how he’d gone crazy considering that Stefan had just tried to kill him and he was already a violent man when he wasn’t trapped in the Phoenix Stone, that’s why Valerie lost her baby, so I’m bored.

27. I’m just gonna say it, when Julian throws that bloody stake at Stefan and he catches it just as it’s about to hit his face, that was hot. Stefan is just really hot this episode!

28. Dude, both of you got your asses kicked by one vampire. That is embarrassing. Oh, am I now supposed to believe that because he’s older, he’s stronger? Even though the show broke that rule repeatedly so Elena could always win her fights? Pfft.

29. LOL TO THE WRITERS WHO MADE DAMON SAY, “I’m surprised, Stefan. I thought Caroline was the one. Yet again we all thought Elena was the one…” because Elena WAS the one and IS the one but you just HAD to push DE down our throats even though they. don’t. work. I also wish there was more of a payoff when Stefan charges at Damon. He tells Damon not to start with him, I would like to see Stefan unravel and I would like to see him unravel on Damon because Damon kept pushing and pushing and pushing, especially since throughout the series, we’ve seen Damon unravel on Stefan.

30. Stefan lamenting how he could’ve been a father is a nice scene and I feel Stefan’s inner turmoil and his pain but its interesting he couldn’t tell this to Caroline, shes the person he’s meant to be able to tell everything and anything to. There’s a real disconnect there.

31. I don’t care about Damon moping about how he and Elena could’ve had a family because a) shut up b) that was never DE, that was SE c) Damon would make a TERRIBLE father.

32. LOL at the Gemini twins being transferred to Caroline. How exactly would babies grow in a body that is technically dead? Fine, writer,s fine. Fine. Moving away from that, I think it could be interesting to explore Steroline through the lens that Stefan is lamenting not having a family while Caroline is thrust with one that she didn’t ask for and the tensions that could arise from that. I just don’t think the show will do a good job in exploring it.


because tradition :)

I’m just kinda laughing to myself because oh my god, when Jack gets to Bitty he is going to have no clue what to say and it is going to be so awkward. cuz right now he’s in panic mode, his only thought is that he has to catch Bitty before he leaves… but Jack, a very emotionally oblivious person, is literally running into this situation with no plan. he’s going to get there and he is going to freeze (because what do you even say, like ‘hey, so btw I’m in love with you’?) and they’re both going to be so confused oh my godddd

10344) I wish I could transition without it being a big deal.

I’m the type of person who panics when I get negative attention and even too much positive attention makes me feel awkward. But it feels like I can’t tell someone I’m trans, request they use different pronouns, or present in a different way without it getting SOME kind of strong reaction. I know everyone is different but when I tell someone about that part of myself, I want their reaction to be “Cool, okay” and we’ll move on.

Cameron Dallas Imagine - Getting Even.

sexyforluke69 Request: Cameron imagine.

Hope you like it, I wasn’t too sure what to write about so this is completely random.

Contains a awkward situation and a flushed Cam Dallas.

– (Y/N’s POV) –

I’m going to have a panic attack, my palms are sweaty and my mind races with ways to not mess my situation up even more that I have.

I split water on Cameron Dallas, the hottest guy at my school.

I was walking along side my best friend with my tray of food when she bumped into me when we were right beside Cameron, I could kill her.

“I-I’m s-so so-sorry C-Cameron.” I panic, grabbing a napkin to try and wipe the water off his shirt and lap.

“It’s okay,” he tells me, I continue to pat his lap in panic. “I said it’s okay,” he repeats but my mind is rambling enough to ignore him and rant on about how sorry I am. “Y/N, I said it’s okay.” He says, a little louder than before.

How does he know my name?

I stop and straighten up, my eyes gape at his still soaking wet lap. “Cameron I’m so sorry, she bumped into m-”

“Y/N I said, it’s okay,” he smirks, standing up and ignoring the laughs from the whole cafeteria as they point at his wet pants. “But I have to get equal right?” His smirk widens as he picks up his friend’s bottle of water and splashes it onto my jeans.

“What the freak?!” I yell, Y/B/F/N bursts out laughing from behind me.

“I got even Y/N.” He winks, I scowl.

I stomp off to the bathrooms with Y/B/F/N trailing behind me - trying not to laugh.

I gasp when I see myself in the mirror, flustered cheeks and a wet crotch. Just great.

“I mean, it’s not that bad.” Y/B/F/N shrugs, but I can tell she’s lying by the burst of laughter afterwards.

“Shut up-”

“Y/N can you come out here please?” We hear Cameron yell from the other side of the door.

I look at Y/B/F/N as she winks and drags me over to the door before pushing me out in front of Cameron. “Yes?” I squeak nervously, taking notice of the small space between our bodies.

“I was mean to do that to you-”

“No it’s okay, I done it first.” I shrug.

“No it’s not okay, you done it on accident, you didn’t mean it.” He defends.

“Well if this is an apology then I accept it.” I tell him, resisting the urge to run my fingers through his messy hair.

“Yes, it’s an apology but it’s also a opportunity to take you out on a date?” He uneasily tells me.

“Why, because you feel sorry for me?” I frown, his eyes widen in panic.

“No no, I mean yes it’s an apology date but I think you’re really beautiful and I’d like to take you out on a date..” He trails off, shifting from foot to foot with red cheeks.

“This isn’t a joke?” I question.

“No, definitely not.” He shakes his head.

“Then I guess I’ll go on a date with you.” I blush, laughing when I hear Y/B/F/N celebrating from the other side of the door.

“Friday at 7pm?” He asks, I nod with a massive grin on my face. “Great well, can I have your number?” He asks.

We exchange numbers, he kisses my cheek gently before rushing back to the cafeteria with flushed cheeks. That goes for the both of us.

A message to my followers...

I’m an anxious, dorky fangirl and sometimes I just want to never leave my bed. I can’t talk to people unless they talk to me first, and when I do talk, it’s awkward and strangely high pitched. I get panic attacks when I talk to more than five people at once and I forget to breathe. 

I didn’t come to terms with my sexuality, and am still figuring it out, until this year because I always pushed it down for fear of judgement. I am still terrified to tell my parents and most of my friends because I don’t want to lose the only people I care about because of who I am. 

My parents fight a lot and I get blamed for things I don’t do. I’m pressured to get straight A’s and to go out even when I can’t. I get bullied and people call me mean things whether they mean to or not. 

I’m overweight and I hate it. I have stretch marks and cellulite and my legs jiggle when I walk. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome which makes it hard for me to lose weight, and it fucking sucks. I wear baggy clothes to hide my body and I’m not comfortable in most things because of my huge breasts.

So, no, I am not perfect. 

I go through lots of shit that I don’t tell you guys about, but I come on here to express myself in a way I can’t in the real world. Getting messages from you guys, no matter what it is, makes my day 1000x better and makes me smile because people actually care about me here. 

This is really cheesy and lame, but it’s all true. 

I love you guys more than you will ever know, so, thank you so much.