i freaked myself for real while doing these

ever since i looked up “no problem” on google search (because i look up absolutely everything i ever say ever just in case it somehow means something fucked up and offensive and i somehow had no clue and thought it meant something completely different) (that absolutely never happens but i still freak out about it) and read this

and

ive been super uncomfortable because like. I say that so much. But also i cant stop saying that cause if i say anything different it doesnt feel real and i dont feel like myself so i have to always say that in the situations i normally say that. Also because like i say it while being extremely happy and glad i could even help with something to the point where like, im grateful that i could even help somebody, at all, so its without a doubt not me Reluctantly accepting to do something, Also whoever wrote this definition sucks ass fuck you, definition writer, you suck

anonymous asked:

fucking ouija boards are scary as hell my friend wanted me to do one and I was like ........ya no way in hell

a story. a story for you.

so fuckin I don’t play with that shit haha like bottom line I just DON’T do that shit you cannot pay me. You could say “a million dollars to fuck with a ouija” and I’d be like lmao keep it. I do NOT do that. 1 million dollars is not worth getting dragged out of the fuckin bed in the middle of the night by a spirit named Timothy okay it’s just not worth it. 

so my friend Katie when I was sixteen - she literally asked for a ouija board for Christmas. Are you hearing me?? On the Lord’s birthday. On the day of the BIRTH of our lord and savior she fucking ASKS FOR A OUIJA BOARD and her mom went out and fucking bought her one. A 40 year old white woman, mother of 5, sat down and gift wrapped this devil’s toy at her crafting station. I’m at her fucking house for an extended stay and she goes “you wanna see some shit” I was like okay let’s see it. She reaches up underneath her bed and pulls the ouija out I no-lie leapt up off the bed and crossed the room into a corner and said GET THAT…OUT OF HERE….she’s like shaking the box at me like what lmao 

I’m backed into a corner terrified I’m like we’re not playing this shit? meanwhile I’m fuckin hiding from this IT WAS LIKE THE 10 DOLLAR TOYS R US GLOW IN THE DARK OUIJA but do you think the devil cares about bargains?? he will come inside the fancy 100 dollar wooden bollar and he will come in the 10 dollar lite-brite board I swear the devil has no sense of class or taste he will fuckin come regardless he doesn’t discriminate rich or poor he wants ur soul and he’ll get it too 

she is freaking out on me she’s like LMAO DO IT! LET’S DO IT! I legit am like no?? she is trying to force me SO BAD she gets her sister-in-law in there and they’re both cornering me like “come on madeline let’s do it madeline u know you want to” my ass is sixteen and a GROWN 22 year old woman is pressuring me into fucking ouija’ing - ppl say peer pressure ain’t real….

so my dumbass - god dammit - I OUIJA’D 

first of all Katie has to literally hold this fucking glow in the dark piece of shit trash up underneath her lamp for like 10 minutes so it’ll glow in the dark, like she wanted to have her soul taken so damn bad…she had to CHARGE  the fucking ouija. So she’s doing that and I’m thinking to myself our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses into the fuckin 10 dollar Toys R Us ouija board glow in the dark hell 

second of all she makes me get up and turn the lights off so there we are - me and Katie and her damn sister-in-law in the DARK. With the neon green glow from the ouija reflecting off our faces and Ider I think at first we were like “ARE WE GONNA GET BOYFRIENDS….” like the devil fuckin gives a SHIT 

and then of course “is there a spirit here…” “are there ghosts here…” I was like no no no no no no my fingers were shaking so bad and this happens and tbh with you we got the name “DENICE” after so much time so I’m fucking thinking to myself 

#1 I don’t think Denice is spelled that way 

and #2 I don’t think Katie knows how to spell Denise 

so I fucking sus her and I think to myself - the devil lost this round bc Katie was pulling the god damn strings. There is no devil in this board tonight. That being said when I went to sleep that night I literally asked her to take that thing outside bc I didn’t want spirits passing through it on my ass while my eyes are closed 

I go home. My ass goes home. Denice long forgotten about because DENICE isn’t real because DENICE ISN’T A FUCKIN NAME??? 

one week later I think myself safe because no demon voices are talking to me at night begging me to do their bidding so of course that’s a good sign. Haven’t come out to blood on the walls YET so okay. I get a phone call from Katie lmao. Who’s MILES upon MILES away at this point and she’s freaking out she’s like “WE JUST SAW DENICE”

I’m like what the fuck are you talking about you SAW deNICE…and she tells me that apparently her and her sister who CONFIRMED THE FUCKING STORY SO I KNOW SHE’S NOT JERKING MY CHAIN were out by their garage late at night and they’re just standing there talking and they look over and both of them see some fuckin disembodied shadow just standing there looking at them it was FUCKING DENICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH A C. 

and both of them just sprinted for the house without looking back and fuckin Katie took their 10 dollar Toys R Us ouija and threw it in the garbage can and tbh my fave part about this story is I was right all god damn along. I said in the beginning do not fuck around and guess what Denice came. Honestly I love being right 

Toddler (Edited) (Sam Wilkinson imagine)

| Requested by anon: Hello! Can you please do the imagine where a baby gets dropped at SAMs front door with no mom and he has to take care of his kid by himself. Can the kid be like 3? Thanks love😘

(Sam’s POV)

“Lia and I are home. We also did groceries :)” I texted (Y/N).

Yeah we had a kid together. And she was 3 years old. At first it was hard, but we both got used to it and we’re killer parents now.

I opened the door to our apartment and I tried to find my keys. I had Amelia (aka Lia) in my right arm and the groceries in my left. I put down the bags and tried to reach for my keys.

Before I knew it Lia slipped out of my arm.

I softly cursed in myself while picking up crying Lia. “Shh, it’s okay, baby.” I assured while trying to calm her down.

Shit. I just fucking dropped my baby.

How did I freaking drop her? What the hell? She slipped out of my arm because I was reaching for my keys and suddenly Lia started moving wildly and I accidentally dropped her.

(Y/N) is going to kill me, for real. “Lia, baby.” I softly mumbled while still reaching for the keys.

I finally got them and threw everything inside. The fuck am I suppose to do now? I dropped my kid. She’s crying. What does she want?

Do I need to go to hospital? Or just stay here and take care of here… Fuck.

Damn it. (Y/N) isn’t here. I have a crying baby. What if something’s wrong with her now?!

You know what, I’m gonna call mom.

“Hey, mom.” I said as she picked up the phone.

“Hi Sammy! What’s wrong? I’m pretty busy.” She said while struggling to do something.

“Good, good… But I have a problem here. I dropped Lia by accident… What the hell do I need to do?!” I quickly said.

“You what?!”

“Dropped-”

“I know what you said! How could you do that, Sam?”

“I don’t know. But I do know that I don’t need a yelling mom right now. Please just help me.” I tried to say calmly.

“Uh, where’s she now?”

“On the couch.” I said as she started crying even harder.

“Okay, okay. Uh, I need to go like right now. But just give her something that makes her stop crying and then just calm her down.” She quickly said. “Sam, I really need to go. Be careful next time.”

“Thanks mom.”

“Anytime, love.” And with that she hung up.

Okay, okay. Give her something to make her stop crying.

I looked in the pantry and looked for gummy bears. (Y/N) is going to kick my ass. “Lia!” I happily said.

She started crying even harder. “Look what daddy has!” I showed her the candy and she stopped crying. “Do you want this?”

She quickly nodded and reached for the candy.

I gave her one and she ate it. “Thank you, daddy.” She softly murmured.

I wiped her tears away and put her on my lap. “It’s okay, princess. Don’t tell mommy.” I put a finger on my mouth, gesturing to keep it a secret. “Are you hurt?” I asked while kissing her cheek.

“A little.” She answered. Lia was slowly but surely working on her talking.

“Do you want to play?” I asked softly. She nodded again and reached for another gummy bear. “Hey, hey. Last one, okay?” She, again, nodded and reached for the bag.

I tilted her up and put her on the ground. She walked over to the play kitchen and started laughing as she threw the fake-food at me. “Are you gonna cook for daddy?”

“Yes!” She grabbed a plate and threw the food on there. “Here.” She said as she handed the plate.

“Hmm, this looks yummy!” I said while ‘eating’ the food.

| I hope you enjoy it anon :)

Customer Service (NC-17)

For Danielle, because she’s having a crappy day. By the way, let’s pretend this is AU. Enjoy love!

The phone has been ringing off the hook all day and I’m dying to take my lunch break. I understand spring is coming and everyone wants to visit New York, but do they all have to stay at this hotel? I shouldn’t complain, it is job security, but I’m used to some down time. 

My lunch coverage has shown up so I’m picking up this one last call then I’m devouring whatever I can find in the break room.

“Thank you for calling The Benjamin. This is Danielle, how may I help you?”

Keep reading

Hi (: Do you think you could do a Jack imagine where you’re his girlfriend, and he looks all happy all the time, and one day you catch him self harming? Just kinda sad then cute and fluffy? Thank you (:

AN I hope this suffices guys. Sorry for the lack of update. I would’ve done it, but some unexpected shit happened last night, causing my friend to stay at my house. And I wound up going to bed late. But thanks so much for your patience, and I’m trying my best to update as best as I can. You guys are the bees knees, and I wouldn’t be writing these if it weren’t for the support I’ve gotten, so thank you. Enjoy, okay? xx

Warning: self harm

Your POV

I was on my way to Jack’s house so we could watch a movie together. He told me he hadn’t seen Breakfast Club, and I rushed to get over here. I couldn’t let my boyfriend wander the streets without having seen the classic that is the Breakfast Club.

So when I pulled up to his house, I stepped out to see him. I opened the door and found him on the couch, frowning. I was confused because Jack never frowned, but I went up to him anyway as if nothing was wrong.

“Hey babe,” I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi, you know this fight that's been between people who ship remilie or not? I don't understand how the non shippers think that it's inappropriate and disrespectful to ship them when so many of us, including myself, spend a LOT of time talking about bobby and kinky stuff, talking about what we would do with/to him, etc.. If I were Bobby's daughter these kind of people would freak me out more than the people who ship my dad and her co-star.. I wouldn't mind bc I would know it's not real...

It took me a while to realize why, like you point out, many of us are okay with talking about Bobby in a racy way but not okay with Remilie and the answer I came up with is that when we talk about Bobby we talk about his public figure. We don’t know him, not really, we don’t presume to do so. We mainly fantasize about Bobby the actor, the guy he is in the public eye, the guy who can be a sex symbol and joke around about his fans and stuff. We talk about THAT person, which is not the real Bobby and as long as everyone is aware of this there’s no intrusion on his privacy or anything like it.

But Remilie, I feel, intrudes on private!Bobby, the real Bobby. It touches upon his personal life, his marriage, his family and, on that same note, Emilie’s personal life and family. It’s speculation about real life events and acquaintances and wishful thinking about the real people, not the actors.

I’m not talking about people who might want them to be together in their mind, who fantasize about it because that’s still in the realm of dream-like, non!real people and furthermore, if those daydreams have no way to reach any of the parties then no harm, no foul. But speculating on the internet about the way Emilie and Bobby interact, about their personal lives, about how they’re better for each other than their significant others… that’s not only kinda creepy but also potentially harmful. As Emilie very well knows rumours about your co-stars are really easy to start and can lead to really hurtful situations. Her whole situation with Robert Pattison is proof enough.

For me there is a difference, a big one. And it’s not only that I don’t like the idea of treating Remilie like any other ship, it’s that I also think it’s potentially dangerous and I don’t want anything to mess up the nice chemistry Emilie and Bobby have, not to mention their personal lives and the people in them. 

Bottom line is I don’t like Remilie. I won’t make other people stop but I’m entitled to try to distance myself as much as possible from it and making my objections about it clear in the hope that some people might see the potential harm in it.

Keeper Series- Chapter 1: Luke

I have a passion for records. I just recently started my collection. So, here I am in the middle of a music store in Los Angeles trying not to look like a lost puppy. It wasn’t my first time in a music store, but it was my first time in the record section. I honestly don’t even know what ones I want! Maybe I’ll just spend the next hour or so browsing.

I pulled my hair into a bun and began the browsing. I started looking and found an AC/DC record. Highway to Hell, to be exact. I turned it over to look through the songs and kind of make it look like I knew what I was doing. I was mostly looking for my favorite song on that album, Walk All Over You.

I listened to AC/DC a lot growing up. That’s when I really fell in love with the guitar. So, I picked up on it and haven’t stopped playing.

“AC/DC, huh? What’s your favorite song from that album?”

I looked up to see a tall, blonde guy with an accent searching the records.

“Walk All Over You. It’s my favorite song by them, period,” I look at him and smile.

“You don’t seem like an AC/DC fan, but then again you don’t seem like a record type of person.”

“Well, you’d be surprised what you can learn about someone. I actually just started my record collection. I’m Lexy, by the way,” I put my hand out for him to shake.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Luke,” he shakes my hand.

“It’s nice to meet you. So, tell me what records I should have.”

“Well, definitely the one you’re holding,” Luke looks for a
second,“ ah, here.”

He hands me Some Girls by The Rolling Stones. My eyes go wide.

“This is one of my favorites! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it,” I say smacking my forehead.

He laughs a little,“ you also have to have this one.”

Thriller by Michael Jackson.

“Oh my god. Duh, gotta have some Michael.”

I look through a row and find a couple good picks. Revolver by The Beatles, The Velvet Underground & Nico by The Velvet Underground, Loveless by My Bloody Valentine, Kind of Blue by Miles Davis, and Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd.

Luke turns to me and his eyes go wide,“ you’ve got quite the
taste.”

“Well, I love music. No matter what I listen to, it brings this sense of relaxation. I could be listening to metal and I’m relaxed.”

“What kind of music does Miss Lexy listen to?”

“Everything. Literally. You name it, I listen to it.”

“One Direction? Foo Fighters? Blink-182? All Time Low?”

“Well, duh. They all have a unique sound to them that is utterly amazing.”

“Okay, what about 5 Seconds of Summer?”

“Love them!”

“Oh. Wait, really?”

“Yeah! I can’t quit listening to you guys!”

Luke looks at me like a deer in the headlights. I hope he didn’t think I wouldn’t recognize him. Duh! Who wouldn’t?

“You didn’t think I would recognize you, huh?”

“Honestly, no. But then again I am pretty hot,” he says sarcastically while running his hand through his hair.

“Uh huh. Sure,” I say walking past him,“ do you want to go get some coffee?”

He takes a minute to answer.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” I say winking at him,“ let me go pay for these real quick.”

I walk away and I make a mental note to pat myself on the back later. I’ve never asked anyone out before. So, I’m fucking proud of myself. Hooray!

I get to the counter and put all of the records on. I’m freaking out due to the fact that I’m actually starting my collection. I look towards the records and notice Luke had disappeared. I hope he didn’t leave.

I start to turn my head to the cashier, but notice Luke outside waiting for me. Our eyes meet and I smile.

“Your total is $133.54.”

I hand the guy my card so he can run it. I mentally sigh. I never actually thought that I would be in this place. Like, I don’t know how to explain it. I had always imagined what it would be like to meet Luke. I always thought that I would freak the fuck out and cry. But I didn’t. I was cool, calm, and collected.

He hands me back my card. I sign the receipt, grab the bag full of records, and make my way out of the store.

“Took you long enough,” Luke says nudging me.

“Ha ha. Very funny. I think there’s a Starbucks a coupleblocks down.”

“I’m a funny guy really,” he says with a dumb smirk on his face.

“We will see about that.”

He laughs,“ would you like me to carry that for you?”

“No, thank you. I think I can handle this. I’ve got muscles. I think,” I say lifting my left arm to flex,“ yeah, nope. I clearly fail on the buff scale.”

He grabs the bag from my hand and smiles,“ well, in that case, I think I’ll carry it for you.”

“Thank you. Do you like to pick up chicks at the music store?”

“No. Today was just a coincidence,” he says winking,“ plus, most of the people in music stores are 50 year old men.”

“What’s wrong with 50 year old men?” I say in a sarcastic tone.

“They just aren’t exactly what I’m looking for,” he nudges me,“ if you know what I mean.”

“I think you may have to explain it to me,” I nudge him.

We walk another block and stop in front of Starbucks.

“I’m dying for some coffee,” I say.

We had been laughing most of the way. He’s actually pretty funny.

“Well, then let’s go in,” he grabs the door and holds it open for me.

“Why, thank you, good sir,” I wink at him.

“Please, don’t ever call me that again.”

“I can’t promise anything.”

“Very funny.”

We order and wait.

“I’m going to assume you live around here,” Luke says casually.

“I actually don’t. I’m here for small get away and it’s turned out pretty great.”

“Really? Where are from then?”

“Utah.”

“Wow. There’s so much you can learn from someone,” he says
sarcastically.

“Just full of sarcasm, huh?”

“It’s how I communicate. It’s my fluent language.”

Right as our names got called Luke’s phone started ringing. I gesture for him to take it while I grab the drinks. While I grabbed the drinks, Luke had stepped outside.

I turn to the cashier.

“Do you by chance have a sharpie?”

The cashier hands me a sharpie and I write my number on Luke’s cup.

I grab the cups and walk outside.

“Lexy, I’m sorry, but I have to go to the studio.”

“Hey, don’t worry! I figured it had to be something along those lines.”

“Can I walk you to your car?”

“I’d like that,” I look down and smile.

While walking, we started talking about the music they’re writing and about how he wants me to hear some of the new stuff they’re making. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting this to go as well as it was. I was also thinking about how he’ll react to my number being on his coffee cup.

We get to my car and he puts the records in the front seat.

“Thank you for the coffee, Lexy,” he looks down,“ you really didn’t have to pay for it.”

“Of course I did. I pretty much asked you out. Therefore, I pay. That’s just how it goes.”

“Well, then I’ll get the next one, but this time it’ll be a proper date.”

“Oh will it?”

I look at him and he smiles so big his dimples start to show. He gives me hug and a kiss on the cheek before I get in the car.

Luke’s POV

I watch Lexy drive away.

Fuck! I forgot to ask her for her number. Smooth move, Luke, smooth move.

I start walking towards the direction of the studio while I wait for Ashton to come pick me up. I’m mentally kicking myself for not asking for her number. I’m about two blocks from Starbucks when I hear a car honk. I look over to see Michael and Calum hanging out of the window. I get in the car.

“What’s up with you?” Calum asks.

“Nothing. Why do you ask?”

“You have sparkle in your eye,” Michael says all girly,“ you met a girl, didn’t you?”

“Maybe, but I may never see her again,” I say looking down at my feet.

“Why? Didn’t you get her number?” Ashton asks.

“No. I forgot.”

“Well, then what the fuck is that?” Calum grabs the cup and turns it towards my face.

“She’s a keeper, Luke. She’s already a step ahead of you,” Michael says nudging me.

“I guess so,” I say putting her number into my phone.

Already a step ahead of me.