Cosmere characters as lines from Bill Wurtz’s History of the entire world, I guess
- Eshonai: Weather update. ...It’s raining
- Lopen: #Maybe it's those horse people I was talking about, or their cousins, or something#
- Dalinar: Oops, China just broke, but while it was breaking, Confucius figured out how to have good morals
- Rashek: #The sun is a deadly lazer#
- Sazed: You could make a religion out of this
- Elend: They delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government
- Wayne: Question 2, steal the spice trade. That’s not a question, but the Dutch did it anyway.