i found myself making a lot of these lately

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(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69LBNNYO3ng)

Offensive Comedy by the1janitor

I think it’s important for me to talk about thing in a nuanced way so often I’m described as a “middle of the road” type of guy since I always tend to look at both sides of the story. However, there’s been a lot of political strife lately and I’ve found it necessary to make it more clear that at the end of the day, I am on the side of progressives and social justice.
This is not to say that I agree with everything modern progressives advocate, and in fact this video contains one subject where I often find myself in disagreement.
Support me on patreon: http://patreon.com/the1janitor

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hello! i’m a mentally ill and unemployed lass just looking for a good time. i don’t have any other ways of making money and since my parents don’t really help me out often with clothes/other basic needs i’m usually left to buy things myself.

since i have severe chronic depression i struggle a lot just to get through the day, and little things like makeup and new clothes just help me feel a bit better. if you have any questions or are interested in commissioning me, shoot me an ask and i’ll reply as soon as i can!

more of my art can be found here and here if you’re interested!

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Tarot Musings

A lot has been going on in my life right now but being able to turn tarot has helped me in being able to see the bigger picture.
Using different decks and spreads I have found online I’m not only learning about myself and my situation but making me a better tarot reader and my instincts/intuition is definitely on target and getting stronger.
I love how tarot helps wit my depression and ancestry during this time.
Sorry to ramble.. it’s late..off to bed..

last night I had a bunch of weird dreams and I don’t really remember them well but I remember I was upset and ran and his and cut myself and my bf found me and I had to get up and I couldn’t cover the cuts or anything and I felt embarrassed and terrible bc I knew he was upset bc I did it
n man its been really tempting to do it lately like I just been getting urges to a lot this past week but I hate how it impacts other people and I hate how it makes me feel so guilty n shitty afterwards

603.53 miles

Dear Vas,
I’ve been going through so much lately. I haven’t found a lot of reasons to smile, but I want to let you know that whenever I feel like crying and breaking down I think of you and I manage a smile. You make me happy and the thought of you reassures me that everything will be ok. You don’t know how many times I’ve held myself back from crying. As strong as I make myself look, I am weak inside. If there had to be anyone in this world that could always make me smile, it would be you. It would be you because of all the simple things you do in life that make me happy. It’s because your smile makes me smile and the thought of you makes me smile. I don’t know what my life would be life if I didn’t meet you. It would probably be plain and untouched by love. I’d probably end up liking some other person, who of course wouldn’t ever compare to what you mean to me. When I look into your heart, I see love. I see everything, I see you. I can give you my heart and my love right now and forever. I hope nothing between us will ever change, but if anything had to change, it would be the love I have for you, because it would get stronger everyday.
Love,

Your home.

necrophagist  asked:

ALL THE THINGS MY DUDE ❤

man i love you, have i told you that lately? <3

1. if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?
m8 i don’t really even understand myself but they could start with my “ignore me im whining” tag bc they will quickly learn that i am 90% whiny crybaby

2. have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?
i follow a blog that posts a lot of gore fics and we have really similar taste (but I also have pretty broad taste and there are a couple of characters I won’t read for so, idk if that really counts but there it is)

3. list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.
i can’t even remember all my fandoms but i do remember i related a lot to Dean from SPN but i couldn’t like explain in depth why bc i haven’t watched that show in so long. also prob Zach from OFF bc i’m just kinda here/don’t care about shit u know it just happens around me

4. (i keep trying to make all of these number 2) do you like your name?  is there another name you think would fit you better?
i like my name. if i were to have to change my name for some hypothetical reason idk what i’d pick. i always liked esmerelda tho but i’m never sure if that one vowel should be an E or an A

5. do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?
what. human being i guess. like, i don’t really DO things. i have (100% hypothetical at this point) dreams and goals but rn i pretty much just exist, and i barely manage that as it is

6. are you religious/spiritual?
not at all my dude

7. do you care about your ethnicity?
not really. it’d maybe be interesting to learn, but so would a lot of things in theory. i have a lot of interests but no motivation to learn about them and i won’t remember the info anyway

8. what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?
twiztid for sure. i also have pretty big soft spots for deathstars, and also chiodos. i only have like 6 chiodos songs and i’m pretty sure that’s mostly bc of the person who got me into the band but yknow

9. are you an artist?
i write, very rarely. i used to write poetry and some of it was probably ok

10. do you have a creed?
nope

11. describe your ideal day.
Michael shows up at my door and we actually get to have that talk i wanted to have when he left, and/or i die (i’m trying real hard not to make this whiny lmao i’m sorry)

12. dog person or cat person?
dog person. cats are fine too just not as good as dogs

13. inside or outdoors?
outside on an overcast autumn day or a chilly but not too cold, snowy night when the sky is that smoggy pinkish color

14. are you a musician?
no, i used to play clarinet but i started to resent it and it’s been a long time so i don’t think i could still do it

15. five most influential books over your lifetime.
i don’t think i can even name 5 books that i’ve read without looking at my bookshelf

16. if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?
no definitely not. like it seems like my depression runs in the family so that would still be a big issue but if my mom especially were more supportive/didn’t make the kinds of comments that prevented me from coming to her for help at least, i think things would be a lot different

17. would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”?
yeah i guess probably?

18. what’s your patronus?
i have no idea tbh

19. which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle?
slytherin

20. would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?
100% Middle-earth

21. do you love easily?
absolutely

22. list the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order.
sitting on the computer, sleeping, watching tv, eating, idk crying probably

23. how often would you want to see your family every year?
well rn i see my family every day at least long enough for me to walk the dog, which is pretty nice. if i were in a relationship and able to move away it would depend on how far i moved and our means of travelling back and forth (like, am i living far enough away that we’d have to fly in and stay for a few days or am i within driving distance)

24. have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone?
i dont really know what that means but i understand when my sister talks in gibberish/cant find the words she’s looking for so i guess?

25. could you live as a hermit?
completely alone? no. with a hypothetical significant other? maybe

26. how would you describe your gender/sexuality?
i’m a cis lady and bisexual. i’m not interested in any form of relationship but i’m pretty sure that’s a preference thing and not an attraction thing, and likely irrelevant to this question

27. do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”?
i guess? i have resting bitch face which is p accurate so

28. on a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin?
-3

29. three songs that you connect with right now.
LDLHA-IBCSYWA - Twiztid; Caffeine - Alice Cooper; Bullet - Hollywood Undead

30. pick one of your favorite quotes.
“Hence nothing remains except for our regrets” is a pretty good one. i tend to change my blog title a lot but that one sticks with me a lot so i’ve left it alone for probably a couple of months now (it’s from OFF btw)

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kashitaro’s latest song and cover, The Dancing Girl of Izu (Izu no Odoriko)! It’s actually based on a story of the same name written by Nobel Prize winner Kawabata Yasunari, more info can be found on the wiki page, and it’ll make the storyline of the song clearer as well! Description and lyrics translations down below!


伊豆の踊子 | The Dancing Girl of Izu

Hello, Ito Kashitaro here! 
Lately I’ve been singing a lot of songs that I’ve composed myself!!
This time, I sang Izu no Odoriko.

Righteousness. 
It is indeed a wonderful thing, but once we lay our hands on it, won’t it become so fine and sharp, that it’ll cause us to bleed?


The things that we desire, once we let go, will never return
It’s a law of the world that will never change no matter how much time passes
This town called Tokyo, is just so stifling,
I can’t even cry when I’m alone


The sky of Izu, is oh so gentle,
Clinging onto it, I left this town
Spending my days of youth just worrying
I’m just afraid of loneliness


As the passing shower lets up,
Along with a rainbow, you appear in front of me
And my heart begins to dance softly


I’ve lived my life not knowing what love is,
But the pain in my chest thinks of you day and night
This loneliness, I’m sure no one can understand
If I’ll be forgiven, I just want to touch your skin
With this pure heart of mine


For whose sake have I lived for?
Till now, I still don’t know
Those who live for the sake of someone
They’re the people that I can’t get close to


Those that are pure are sullied easily,
And kindness is something fragile,
Just let me be with you right now


Let’s continue creating our own form of love
If you wish for it, one day it’ll be granted
So pure and fleeting, gently I shall be sullied
If I’ll be forgiven, when we’re grown up, I want to
Just gaze at you, from by your side


These memories from Izu, they’re just like a dream
The childish one was me all along
WIthout even being able to say goodbye
Time just passes us by


I feel as if I have been reborn
Whatever kindness it is, I want to accept it
Even if I know I’ll never meet you again
From here on now the two of us, will be more beautiful than anyone else,
Because we know what love is


I’ve lived my life not knowing what love is,
But the pain in my chest thinks of you day and night
This loneliness, I’m sure no one can understand
If I’ll be forgiven, I just want to touch your skin
With this pure heart of mine


The childish you just wished for someone to save you
Thank you, and goodbye


望むものは 二度と戻らぬ
永遠に変わらぬ世の理
東京という 街は苦しく
独り涙も出ず


伊豆の空は とても優しく
すがりつくように 飛び出した
青春の日々 悩み尽くして
孤独だけを 怖れ


通り雨が上がった時
虹とともに君が現れ
ふわり 心 踊り始めた


愛を知ることなく生きてきたの
でも胸の痛みは 君を想う
この孤独は誰も分かち合えぬ
許されることなら その素肌触れたい
清らかな 心に


誰のために 生きてきたのか
僕はわからないままだけど
誰かのため 生きる人など
僕は近くなれぬ


清いものはけがれやすく
優しさは崩れやすいもの
せめて 今の 君といさせて


愛の形を描き続けよう
求めればいつかは与えられる
清く儚く汚れて優しく
許されることなら 大人になる君を
見つめたい 隣で


夢のような 伊豆の思い出
幼いのは 僕だった
さよならも 伝えられずに
時が ただ過ぎてく


生まれ変われたような気がしてさ
どんな優しさでも受け入れたい
二度と君と会うことはなくても
これからの僕らは 誰よりも美しい
恋を知る 二人だ


愛を知ることなく生きてきたの
でも胸の痛みは 君を想う
この孤独は誰も分かち合えぬ
許されることなら その素肌触れたい
清らかな 心に


幼い君にだけ 救いを求めたの
ありがとう さようなら

Never liked the idea of exercising for the sake of exercising, I just want to live a life where I move my body enough in my daily routine that I don’t need to make time to go for a run but lately I’ve been going jogging after work and it’s been great. I try to get myself as lost as possible, go down every tiny alley way I can find until I have no idea where I am then try to navigate my way back home. Yesterday I found a cool rug in a lane way and ran home with it, it’s deep red with roses on it. I saw some boys playing basketball and lots of people walking their dogs. I picked lots of flowers, one of every different colour and I patted three cats; a big fluffy one, an orange one with white spots and one tiny Siamese kitty that had a red-burgundy glimmer to her fur in the sun. I met her owner, an old woman, she said she loves the attention. the cat let me pat her for ages and had the screechiest meow. I saw some incredible houses, one that was like a forest it had so many different plants covering it. I took some succulent grafts too and added them to my garden. I feel like going for a jog has a purpose now, there’s so much to see and do and it’s not just pointless movement. I hate the gym and I don’t understand why anyone would run on a treadmill, there’s no cats or flowers or free rugs there.

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A year ago I was still unsure to call myself trans because of what it meant to go through another heavy process of my identity in which waters were never clear. I still have a lot of questions. It hasn’t been easy to to be in an unsuitable context, rigidly binary. I found support in my friends, i’m grateful because they make the days less heavy. I’m so happy to see such beautiful people today.

Happy trans day of visibility to all my siblings!

Etho: Character Persona VS. Real life Depictions

I got to the end of writing what was supposed to be a short comment about ways Etho gets depicted in fan made works. And found it very much wasn’t short.

I think I mostly wrote this for myself, because I’m in the middle of writing a fanfic he’s a main character in. Writing him well matters a lot to the storyline being any good. And I’ve been thinking about it off and on lately.

Anyway, if you find this is relevant to anything you’re working on. I hope it’s at least some food for thought.

I know most people really love drawing/writing Etho in a way that “ninja” was clearly the thought behind the creation. Which make sense, and I LOVE those type of the fanart/fanfics sooo much. It’s his avatar after all.

But if someone is trying to create a sorta “real” Etho (I notice people doing this especially for group settings with other Mindcrackers), they often seem to push him into a character that’s not far from the ninja avatar persona. Not always, but I think it’s an easy thing to have happen…

But I’d love to see more creations that hints towards what we know about him better. Age wise he’s between 25-28 from what we know, which would affect the clothing choice as well as the face’s structure in drawings. Almost everyone portrays him tall and slim, which he has confirmed in the last couple years to be the case.

And as for his style/stance/personality.. When someone seems to be avoiding the ninja persona, most lean towards a delicate figure… I think to represent his shyness from cameras, and general soft spoken way in group videos.

But I just have trouble picturing him as the guy in the corner, unless he had something to amuse himself with at least. Etho has told several stories about being a mischievous kid, making fireworks and playing with BB guns. He also grew up in a family that had a green house business, which means hands on messy work. And there’s probably more I’m not thinking of.

He’s a figure it out type of guy. Take things apart and put them back together again to suit him. A good leader, whenever no one else rather be. Technical minded. He gets bored quick without stuff to focus on. He’s silly and has a very blunt type of humor. He’s thoughtful and treads lightly if there’s another person at risk in any way. He makes choices for the long term good over glamorous ones. He works hard and is excellent at what he does. And he loves blowing things up.

So as with all people portrayed by any art form, we must not over simplify.

I’m officially changing over to no heat and transitioning my hair to natural~ this is something that makes me a little insecure and I’ve been battling a lot of issues lately with myself. From when I was little I’ve been bullied for my huge hair and I never thought it looked good on me up until recently. Even after I had started to wear my natural curls I found myself insecure in them once again so I went to the salon and got a keratin treatment. When I washed my hair and found that my curls were gone I cried because I instantly missed them and I didn’t know why I wanted my hair straight so bad. So now, about 8 months later, my curls are back. My hair still looks pretty healthy, minus a section that has been ripped apart by heat damage, so I feel a little better about starting the natural transition. I know it sounds so stupid but I hope I follow through because I really want to love my natural hair but sometimes it’s just hard.

I almost didn’t make it to the gym today due to lack of motivation. But I took a look at this transformation and remembered why I push myself each and every day. The picture on the left is from September 16, 2015 and the picture on the right is from today, November 28, 2015. That is a two month difference and I am beyond proud of these results. It hasn’t been easy. I have had good days and I have had bad days, but together these days have built me into the person I am. A strong, motivated, passionate, and optimistic individual. I have received a lot of compliments from people lately and have found out that I am an inspiration to many. This makes me happy and the feeling of inspiring others and motivating others is absolutely incredible. I hope to be able to do this for the rest of my life. This isn’t just for me, it’s for all of us that aspire to lead a healthy lifestyle and I will continue to do my best each and every day while helping others do the same.

P.S: Patience is key and bad days build better days.

I’ve lately found myself in a string of frustrations when trying to make my personal art. Just a lot of working on something for hours and knowing that inevitably there’s going to be that dread feeling of absolute dislike for my work followed by the desire to either leave it incomplete or to just trash it.  It’s usually followed by some self-hating bullshit about the pointlessness of finishing things that I’m not satisfied with, really being horrible to myself about how my skill level is either not high enough or not reflected in what I’ve been making. I’ve spent a lot of time panicking over these things these past couple weeks.
That being said, I’ve worked through things and finished them, even if the end product is something that I wish I could be prouder of.  

Because every piece has some worth. Even if it’s not the best thing you’ve done, even if you were frustrated the entire time, even if you wish it could be better, there was some worth in working through it and making something. You practiced! There’s strength in struggling and realizing your weaknesses–take note, nod your head, and know what to work on. And know that you’ll work on them. And you’ll get better, even if by increments. 

Hell, at the very very least it meant that you made something. You could’ve spent that time not making art. The act of creation itself is a feat. The act of finishing something is hard. Take satisfaction in the fact that you persevered. 

It’s okay. You’re doing well. Keep going. The frustration means you’re working. You’ll get better if you keep doing your best.