i forgive you because i love you

I cleaned out my blog tags and deleted a ton of stuff, including a lot of horribly negative personal rants. It’s easy for me to forget just how bad I can feel when I get down, and I seem to talk about it a lot on tumblr because you’re such a forgiving audience. But it’s been a year of transformations, and I wanted to put something good out there this time.

I want to let everyone know that sometimes just growing older helps. Time heals. Practice does improve your skills. You’ll get better at those things that feel so impossibly hard. Sometimes not beating yourself against a wall every day and just letting it be makes the wall get smaller and smaller and one day you just step over it. Understanding yourself does make things easier. People love you. Things work out. Bad memories fade. And though things may still be bad or hard from time to time it’s more than possible to be happier as time goes on.

chrlieweasleys’ almost-300 follower celebration!

(one of these days i’ll make a banner but i have a cold right now so forgive my lack of effort) so, because i can’t believe almost 300 of you are following this stupid ass, i’m celebrating in style! yay! thanks everyone!

rules:

  • should be following this absolute rarepair loser
  • pls reblog this post (likes don’t count sorry!)
  • maybe read some of the trash i write?
  • blacklist chrlie’s almost 300 if you don’t want to see this
  • tell me what’s up in your ask! how you’re feeling, how your day’s been, etc.
  • you can send one of each!

send me…:

i love ya’all and hope you guys have a fab day and are healthy

5

Hi. 

In the 9th grade, there was a social worker who told me I had an anger issue. I thought: fuck her, she doesn’t understand shit because she didn’t understand shit. But, now I’m wondering if she maybe was right. Because I am angry. I’m angry because I’m not Muslim enough and no matter what I do, I’m never Norwegian enough. And I’m not Moroccan enough. And I’m not chill enough, not pretty enough. I’m angry because I made it so important to fit in on a Russ bus. I’m angry because I don’t fit in anywhere. Because I always get angry and fuck up, but most of all I’m sad because it influenced you. Because that bus is not important to me. It’s not important to me to be Muslim enough, or if I fit in with Moroccans or Norwegians. As long as I belong with you guys, the biggest losers in school. I’m sorry for what I’ve done, I don’t give a shit if I’m expelled, just, please, forgive me.

Sana.

[translations] 2017.07.06 NCT 127 First Anniversary Event fan accounts - Rolling Paper

Taeil -> Johnny
Chicago monster bro. I love your physiques, are you perhaps a model? Thank you for always looking out for the rest of the members by taking on the role of the middle man. [chewchew_do]

Taeil -> Taeyong
Your features are so beautiful. Your eyes nose lips, no, I love everything about you [cheetahparrot]

Taeil -> Yuta
Yukkuri ….. ????? (fan accounts say that yuta was laughing so hard that he couldn’t read it)

Taeil -> Doyoung
How are you? Cutie. Every time I see your shoulders I think you are so handsome. I’m fine thank you bro [dukduk0614]

Taeil -> Jaehyun
Jaehyun I like your burning passion, in the future please burn that bright and pass the passion on to the remaining members as well [chin9deura]

Taeil -> Winwin
Ni Hao, Dong Si Cheng. I heard you play games really badly, practice more. Anyway you are so cute. I think you have gotten used to living in Korea, and gotten close with the members. Dong Si Cheng, Wo Ai Ni [nct_victory]

Taeil -> Mark
Cute. You are so cute. I can always feel a lot of things when I’m with you. Thank you bro [markleezzang]

Taeil -> Haechan
Our Lee Haechan who usually joke a lot but lately you became quiet. However now I like how you are joking around again. We nag at you is because we like you. I’m thankful that you are doing the role of the maknae well, and became the mood-maker too. Bye bye I love you [xzzanx]

Johnny -> Taeil
I am an only child in the family. But because hyung was by my side I was able to feel how is it like to have an older brother. I feel really happy and secured with hyung by my side. I am always thankful for that. Even though hyung don’t express it, but I know you like me a lot. I love you hyung. [chin9deura]

Keep reading

Eventually, I stopped forgiving you every time you hurt me because tears can’t fix heartbreak.

You say you would take a bullet for me, but I keep getting shot in the chest… And you aren’t trying to save me.

—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #43 // @loveactivist

You know, Soule has actually done some really wonderful work in terms of portraying Matt’s blindness in his extremely depressing and frustratingly disjointed Daredevil run. So when people ask if he has a disability, and sort of insinuate that his limitations don’t really exist or are voided out by his super senses, you can actually just respond with these two pages:


 Yep. He’s totally got the advantage there. It’s not like this small setback is that serious, lol, it’s just a bomb, a blind man could— 

 Oh. Wait.

2

I hate you. You lied to me. I was a kid. You promised you’d keep me safe. And then you make a deal with Azazel. Yeah, it saved Dad’s life, but I’ll tell you something else that happened. Because on November 2nd, 1983, old yellow eyes came waltzing in to Sammy’s room, because of your deal. You left us. Alone. Because Dad was just a shell. His perfect wife? Gone. Our perfect mom, the perfect family… was gone. And I had to be more than just a brother. I had to be a father and I had to be a mother, to keep him safe. And that wasn’t fair. And I couldn’t do it. And you wanna know what that was like? They killed the girl that he loved. He got possessed by Lucifer. They tortured him in Hell. And he lost his soul. His soul. All because of you. All of it was because of you. I hate you. I hate you. And I love you. Because I can’t help it. You’re my mom. And I understand because I have made deals to save the ones I love more than once. I forgive you. I forgive you. For all of it. Everything. On the other side of this, we can start over, okay? You, me, Sam. We can get it right this time. But I need you to fight. Right now, I need you to fight. I need you… I need you to look at me, Mom. I need you to really look at me and see me. Mom, I need you to see me. Please.

8

Sana Appreciation Week- Favourite Quote

Hi. In the 9th grade, there was a social worker who told me I had an anger issue. I thought: Fuck her, she doesn’t understand shit. Because.. she didn’t understand shit. But now I’m wondering if she maybe was right. Because I am angry. I’m angry because I’m not Muslim enough and no matter what I do, I’m never Norwegian enough. And I’m not Moroccan enough and I’m not chill enough, not pretty enough. I’m angry because I made it so important to fit in on a russ bus. I’m angry because I don’t fit in anywhere. Because I always get angry and fuck up, but most of all I’m sad because it influenced you. Because that bus is not important to me. It’s not important to me to be muslim enough, or if I fit in with Moroccans or Norwegians.

As long as I belong with you guys. The biggest losers in school.

I’m sorry for what I’ve done, I don’t give a shit if I’m expelled, just please, forgive me.

Sana

family photos ft. lance

excluding coran bc i can’t do him any justice

pll characters in 7b
  • aria: to a or not to a that is the question *puts on black hoodie* *fucks every a task up*
  • emily: ALISON! no wait PAIGE! no wait ALISON (again)! no wait PAIGE! OH SHIT ALI'S PREGNANT AND I'M THE DAD i mean MOM! WHAT'S GOING ON?!
  • hanna: *does sleuthy things with caleb* something about babies
  • spencer: *sluts it up with marco* *begins to hate marco* wait where's toby
  • alison: i'm pregnant but you have to have sex to get pregnant. fuck this is a lose-lose situation for me here
  • caleb: *pretends spaleb never happened* look at me being detective boyfriend of the year PLEASE FORGIVE ME FANDOM *is not forgiven*
  • mona: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAVE YOU BITCHES BEFORE YOU APPRECIATE ME
  • paige: if you love something you gotta set it free *breathes a sigh of relief after dodging a messy ass bullet*
  • ezra: nicole? aria. nicole? no aria. fuck it all. cake? yes, cake. wedding cake. i'm engaged to aria. so i pick aria. #loveiswherethecakeis
  • toby: *just needs someone to hug him* *is NEVER FUCKING PRESENT BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WRITE A CHARACTER A LOT OF PEOPLE LOVE WHO IS ACTUALLY SOMEWHAT RELEVANT TO THE STORYLINE AND WHO HAS BEEN HERE SINCE SEASON ONE INTO THE STORY*
  • lucas: so i used to be a nerd but now i'm a rich nerd please love me *still loves hanna* *pray for lucas*
  • yvonne: *is DEAD FOR NO FUCKING REASON*
  • marco: i love you spencer jk i h8 u u did the murder
  • mary: i'm trying to communicate with my daughter *never actually goes to speak to her daughter*
  • sydney: *is made to be somewhat relevant again at the request of NOBODY but the writers* *is vehemently hated by fandom*
  • wren: *shows up for two seconds and adds nothing to the plot even though everyone misses him* bye now mate
What’s in the Mix with a Mix-Tape? (12x19)

Mix-tapes were a feature of my twenties in the early 1990s. I’ve still got a tonne of them. Although, that tech died for a reason - it degrades big time. 

But, I’ve kept them for sentiment. They have home-made covers, created from cut-up and cut-down postcards, with hand-writing in coloured pen listing the tracks on the inside. And sometimes, hand-drawn hearts and personal dedications. 

They were made for me by people who loved me - some of whom are still in my life, some not. 

Making a mix-tape took hours, especially if you were (as we usually did) making a compilation and mixing and matching artists. You had to think about how each track would follow another; the tone, the tempo, the mood, the lyrics. Wind, rewind, record, relisten… they were extended love-notes very often. 

Dean’s mix-tape for Cas reads “Dean’s top 13 Zepp TRA XX”

  He’s written it as “TRA XX” as if, just maybe, you could read that as a couple of kisses at the end, insteady of a groovy way to spell “tracks”. Ambiguous, diffident, scrawled, unspoken, but there… Oh Dean….

But, Cas tried to give it back. After ignoring Dean’s phone-calls, Cas returned to the bunker to try and return a piece of Dean ‘s heart, to lie to him and steal from him.

Cas came into Dean’s room, his intimate and personal space, and, as Dean says, “played him”. He stole the Colt from under Dean’s pillow, knowing full well what the history of the Colt means to Dean.  

Characterization-wise, how can Cas have regressed like that? Knowing, as he does, that going behind Dean’s back in S6 hurt Dean so much and began such a terrible rift between them?

Sure, Cas says it’s to protect the Winchesters from Dagon. No doubt that’s true. 

But, Castiel is also someone who has recently said “I love you” (in 12x12 Stuck in the Middle with You) and not heard it back…

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone and not heard it back? 

It haunts you, it eats at you, you feel stupid, you feel rejected, you feel… lost.

Dean’s mix-tape was probably his way of trying to say, “I love you” back,  but how would Cas know what a mix-tape means? Or perhaps he did know, thanks to Metatron’s pop-culture upgrade, and returning the tape was our angel’s way of being a bit snippy, a bit passive-aggressive  - Thanks for the cop-out tape gift, Dean, but I would quite like to hear you say it. 

And why is Dean so forgiving, explaining to Sam how Cas needs a win, how he gets it, as he rumages around under the hood of Cas’s truck, fixing her up?

Well, it’s eternal sub-text, of course, but here goes… 

Because Dean knows he is someone to whom, “I love you,” has been said. And, despite his worried phone calls, his appeals to “Team Free Will”, Dean also knows he is someone who has not said it back…

unless of course you count two “XX”’s on a mix-tape.


Journaling is an incredibly powerful tool for many things, including self-love. It can be a daily practice you turn into a habit or ritual where you consistently build up your feelings of self-worth, esteem, and confidence. It’s an amazing feeling to have a notebook full of words that are generally positive about your mind, body, and life which can remind you of your awesomeness just by looking at it! 

I made a list of different kinds of self-love writing prompts which can be used in any way you decide. You can answer them in a notebook, in an art journal, on a Word document, or in an Instagram caption. The possibilities for how you express your thoughts and feelings to these concepts and questions are endless, and I’m really excited at the thought of you using them!

Keep reading

Dating Min Yoongi Would Include:

•Oh boy where do I begin
•This man has a sweet spot for you
•Loves you to death
•Tho, he is always afraid he doesn’t show it to you
•He doesn’t say I love you a lot
•He’d rather say it once
•And prove it to you everyday
•Lazy kisses
•Lazy cuddle sessions
•Calling him cute nicknames
•And him not being able to get mad at you
•Because he adores you
•He doesn’t show affection in public
•But when you guys are alone, he’d treat you like a princess
•He’s not into skinship
•But some days he would be so clingy
•Also at nights
•He’s a total cuddler
•You pushing him away when you’re too hot
•And him growing and pulling you close again
•Judging the guys together
•Highkey judging/insulting each other all the time
•But you would hardly ever fight
•99,99999% of the songs he writes are for/about you
•Because you mean so much to him
•And that’s the only way he can show his emotions
•"my muse"
•Not being able to stay mad at him for more than 5 minutes
•Because he looks at you with that gummy smile
•And you instantly forgive him
•Taking care of yoongs
•Making sure he eats properly
•"Jagi I’m not a baby! I can take care of myself!“
•Lowkey loving it tho
•That tongue technology huehueh ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (sOrrY oML I cOulDnT hElP iT)

Requested by multiple lovely anons :)
I hope you all like it ❤❤

-Admin Vanillakookie 🍪

(  LOVE  /  HATE  SENTENCE  STARTERS.

change pronouns to your liking / as you see fit!

❛ I hate that I love you. ❜
❛ I can’t stand the fact that I love you. ❜
❛ I’d rather die than spend one more second loving you. ❜
❛ If I could, I would make myself fall out of love with you. ❜
❛ Why is it so hard for to love me the way I do you? ❜
❛ I love you but please get out of my sight.  ❜
❛ I never said that I loved you.. ❜
❛ I love you but not that much. ❜
❛ You’re confusing the words love and like with one another. ❜
❛ Did you really think that I could ever love you? ❜
❛ We are not meant to love one another. ❜
❛ The last thing I want to do with you is love you. ❜
❛ I feel like I’m waiting on something that isn’t going to happen. ❜
❛ Here we go, here we go again. Now you’re telling me that you love me. ❜
❛ You only tell me you love me when you’re drunk or need something. ❜
❛ You say you love me and then turn around do this? ❜
❛ I’ve doubted this whole relationship ever since it started. ❜
❛ I don’t want to be in love with you anymore. ❜
❛ I never asked fall in love with you! ❜
❛ It’s not my fault that you love me more than I love you. ❜
❛ I’m tired of you walking all over my heart and emotions! Someday, mark my word. ❜
❛ One day, I will fall out of love with you and I cannot wait for that day to come. ❜
❛ I miss you but I’m better off without you around. ❜
❛ I want to push you off a cliff but hurry and be there to catch you at bottom. ❜
❛ I want to strangle you sometimes but then quickly bring you back to life. ❜
❛ I’m drowning in you and I don’t think even I can save myself. ❜
❛ Have a nice life, I’m done trying to be in it. ❜
❛ I couldn’t let go of you even if I literally did. ❜
❛ I could let go of you but I would still be there, standing, unmoving. ❜
❛ I don’t want to be saved from drowning in you. ❜
❛ All you do is break me and all I do is love you for it. ❜
❛ I wish that my hate for you would override the love. ❜
❛ The love I have for you overrides the hate I have for you. ❜
❛ I’m in misery with and without you. ❜
❛ I’m just as miserable without you as I am with you. ❜
❛ I just want you to stop hurting me! Is that so hard? ❜
❛ Why can’t you see? All you do is play with my emotions. ❜
❛ I’m tired of this roller coaster ride with you. ❜
❛ Please spare me the apology that I’ve heard so many times before. ❜
❛ I’m used to it by now, okay? I almost expect it. ❜
❛ Is it bad for me to say that I’m used to it? ❜
❛ I wouldn’t know how to act if you started treating me better. ❜
❛ I am so stuck with this love for you, I want it to go away. ❜
❛ I spend more time crying than anything because of you. ❜
❛ You say it’s the last time every time. ❜
❛ How many more times are you going to apologize and I just forgive you? ❜
❛ I’m weakened by your words every time. ❜
❛ I feel like a puppet and your the puppet master, just doing whatever while I suffer. ❜
❛ I’ve long lost the thought that you actually cared. ❜
❛ i’m hurting while I’m with you.. ❜
❛ I just keep on running right back to you. ❜
❛ I don’t want to let it go, I can’t let it go. ❜
❛ I fight the whole world for you if I have too. ❜
❛ I’m not giving up on us having happiness one day. ❜
❛ This love is taking all my energy. ❜
❛ This love will be the death of me but I know I’ll die happily. ❜
❛ Though my heart can’t take no more I keep running back to you. ❜
❛ My heart is beating for you but I can’t stop crying. ❜
❛ All the things we accept, be the things we regret. ❜
❛ I don’t know how I allow you to treat me so bad and still I stay. ❜
❛ When I get the strength to leave you, you always tell me you need me. ❜
❛ I’m mad because I love you. ❜
❛ I stop to think you could appreciate me then it all remains the same. ❜
❛ My biggest fear is that you will never change. ❜
❛ I’m sad and in love, that’s not how it’s supposed to go. ❜
❛ At this point I’m bulletproof with you, so hit me with your best shot. ❜
❛ Will you ever get tired of hurting me? Will I ever get tired of letting you hurt me? ❜
❛ The last thing I want is to go back but I know I will because I’m weak. ❜
❛ You are biggest downfall. ❜
❛ You are the piece of me I wish I didn’t need. ❜
❛ I still fight and I don’t know why. ❜
❛ If our love is insanity, why are you my clarity? ❜
❛ It’s so hard to love someone who doesn’t know how to love. ❜
❛ I’m feeling really unappreciated but that’s not new.  ❜
❛ I don’t know how much more my heart can take. ❜
❛ So sad what love will make you do. ❜
❛ I can’t stand how much I need you. ❜
❛ When will this ever finally come to it’s end? You and me? ❜
❛ Everything you do makes me smile and I like you for a while. ❜
❛ You know exactly what to do so I can’t stand at you. ❜
❛ I despise that I adore you. ❜
❛ You completely know the power that you love. ❜
❛ It’s not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I love you beyond the reason why. ❜
❛ You’ll probably always have this affect on me. ❜
❛ Tell a lie that makes me want to stay, like you always do. ❜
❛ If it’s real then I guess I’ll feel the pain. ❜
❛ It’s hard to love someone who can’t be loved. ❜
❛ This love I can’t undo, you got me bound to you. ❜
❛ Please, don’t tell me that you love me. ❜
❛ I would’ve given you all my heart but there’s someone who’s torn it a part. ❜
❛ I’ll try to love again but I know the first cut is the deepest. ❜
❛ When it comes to loving me, he’s worst. ❜
❛ You say the words but it just don’t feel right. ❜
❛ You say you’ve changed but we both you’re begging, don’t fool me. ❜
❛ You say you dream of my face but you don’t like me, you just like the chase. ❜
❛ I bet you start loving me when I find somebody else, somebody better than you. ❜
❛ I’m letting you go, I’m loving myself. ❜
❛ I’m going crazy without you, you got me so confused. ❜
❛ All you have to do is that ‘i’m sorry’ and ‘i’m in love with you.’ ❜
❛ You’re truth is hard to believe. ❜
❛ You walked away and I walked away but we should’ve stayed. ❜

protecting you

A/N: this is my first Peter Parker imagine so please just bare with me on this one since it’s most likely going to suck

summary: In which Peter doesn’t want to admit his feelings for you because he’s afraid you’ll get hurt

pairing: peter parker x reader


The night you had confessed your feelings to Peter was probably one of the worst in your life. It had started out normally you two sharing laughs and watching movies. But as he was about to leave you told him how you truly felt about him hoping he would replicate your feelings but too your dismay he did not.

He simply sighed and mumbled a ‘i’m sorry’ before he turned around, his back facing you as he disappeared into the night not turning around to look at you once.

And ever since that night he had been avoiding you which only made you more confused and angry at him. Weren’t you supposed to be the one avoiding him? It was you who had been humiliated that night.

It was you who had cried yourself to sleep not him, so why was he avoiding you. You planned to figure that out today since you were lab partners and you were sure he couldn’t avoid you forever.

But when you walked into the classroom you saw the seat Peter had usually sat in empty so your eyes wondered around looking for a certain brown haired boy and when you finally spotted him you saw him sitting next to none other than Liz Allan.

How could he do that knowing you had literally just poured your heart out to him only two days ago. You felt your eyes well up with tears and you hurried out of the classroom tears spilling down your cheeks like a water fountain.

Peter saw you run out the door but against his better judgement he decided not to follow you even though every part of his body was telling him to.

It wasn’t like you to ditch school but since you were a straight A student one day wouldn’t kill anyone.

So here you were swamped in your white bed sheets light sobs echoing throughout your room and you knew you looked as bad as you felt tears free falling down your cheeks as you couldn’t get the image of Liz and Peter out of your head.

A light tap on your window snapped you out of your daze as you turned around only to see Peter crouching down on the fire escape giving you a sympathetic smile as he saw the state you were in.

Against your will you slowly untangled yourself from your bed sheets and made your way towards the window, moving your right hand up and down your left one as the cold air around you consumed you.

You stood by your window for a second debating if you should let him in or not. You sighed finally giving into his pleading eyes as you put your hand on the lock hesitating a bit before pushing the window fully open allowing him to climb in.

“Hey…” he said dragging out the 'y’ as he walked towards you hoping you would let him hug you but you pushed him away before his arms could fully wrap around you. “What do you want Peter?” you grumbled not daring to look him in the eye.

“I-I uh, just wanted to see how you were doing” he mumbled, rocking back and forth on his heels “i’m doing just great” you replied, sarcasm dripping off of every word you spoke in that sentence.

Peter sighed rubbing his face with his hands “i’m sorry Y/N but we can never be together” your head snapped up and you shook your head in disbelief “and why is that Peter huh? Am i not good enough for you, is that it? Am i not skinny enough? Not smart enough?” You yelled poking his chest with every single word that left your mouth tears falling heavier then they had ever before.

“What the hell is wrong with me because i would love to know why i’m not good enough for Peter Parker” you laughed dryly your body tightly pressed against his as you continued poking his chest.

“stop Y/N” Peter said lowly, looking up at your tear stained face “it doesn’t matter” you scoffed when Peter said this “how can you even say that!? Peter i need to know and i deserve to know!”

“because you would never be safe with me!” His voice was now matching the volume of yours, his chest heaving up and down as he tried to calm himself “what?” you asked now confused more than sad “i’m Spider-Man” he said connecting his eyes with yours “and there are people out there—dangerous people that want to kill me and everyone that i love and i cannot lose you Y/N” Peter said a single tear falling down his cheek.

You slowly walked up to him and put your hand on his cheek feeling him lean into your touch, you smiled and stood on your toes so your faces were only centimeters apart “well guess what Peter no one get’s to make my decisions for me”

And with that being said you pressed your mouth to his feeling his arms wrap around your waist as he forcefully kissed you back turning you both around so that he could pin you against the wall.

He slowly pulled away with you still trapped in between him and the wall and he leaned back down as he rested his forehead against yours, his breath fanning your face as you fluttered your eyes open.

“i love you so much Y/N but i would never forgive myself if something happened to you” Peter admitted closing his eyes as he buried his face into your neck earning a slight giggle from you his rapid breathing tickling the sensitive skin on your neck.

“Peter listen to me, i’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself and if risking my life means being with you—as cliché as that sounds then i’ll do it because i would do anything for you” you smiled and connected your lips with his once again.

You let your lips linger on his for a few moments before pulling away and wrapping your arms around his waist gently laying your head on his chest the steady sound of his heartbeat lulling you into deep sleep.

Imagine Dean talking to Mary about how he raised you and Sam

A/N: This is Dean’s speech to Mary from 12x22. Special thanks to @family-business-one-shots for figuring out Dean’s speech in this scene.

Dean watched as Mary interacted with him at a younger age; she was smiling at the two year old version of you. Reaching over she brushed off some crumbs that were on your lips before returning her attention to Dean.

“I only want good things for you, Dean.” She said to the four year old Dean, “I’ll never let anything bad happen to you.”

“I hate you.” Dean stated as tears began to grow in his eyes. Mary stood up and took you from your high chair before walking back towards Sam’s crib. “I was a kid. You promised you’d keep me safe; and then you made a deal with Azazel. Yeah, it saved dad’s life, but I’ll tell you something else that happened.” Dean said as his voice broke. 

Mary was playing with Sam’s fingers as he laid in his crib while she gently swayed side to side with you in her arms; she was blatantly ignoring Dean.

“Because on November 2, 1983, old Yellow Eyes came waltzing into Sammy’s room because of your deal.” Dean told his mom as Sam began to coo from his crib.

“You left us. Alone; because dad was just a shell. His perfect wife, gone. Our perfect mom, the perfect family, was gone; and I… I had to be… more than just a brother, I had to be a father, and I had to be a mother, to keep them safe, and that wasn’t fair; and I couldn’t do it.” Dean’s voice broke again.

“And you wanna know what that was like? They killed the girl that he loved. He got possessed by Lucifer. They tortured him in hell, and he lost his soul. His soul.” A tear nearly fell out of Dean’s eyes but he held it back.

“Y/N, she’s never known what it’s like to be in love with someone. She was possessed by Michael; followed Sam into the pit so he wouldn’t be alone. She tried to close the gates of hell and wanted to die from the guilt she had from Sam returning without a soul when she had hers. My little sister wanted to die.” Dean said as his voice cracked. “All because of you. All of it was because of you.”

Mary glanced down at you where you were sleeping in her arms. She shifted so that you were laying your head on her shoulder, your arm across her back. Planting a kiss to your head she glanced back at Sam who was happily cooing in the crib.

“I hate you.” Dean’s voice filled with emotion.

“ I hate you… and I love you. ‘Cause I can’t– I can’t help it. You’re my mom; and I understand. Because I have made deals to save the ones I love, more than once. I forgive you. I forgive you, for all of it, everything.” He stated, begging his mother to understand.

“On the other side of this, we can start over, okay? You, me, Y/N, Sam, we can get it right this time. But I need you to fight, right now. I need you to fight. I need you to look at me. I need you to really look at me and see me. Mom, I need you to see me. Please.”

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*drinks water* (did someone posted about this before?)

I know some of you already saw the official manga art (top image) and noticed that Chuuya is the only one alongside with Fukuzawa and Mori that is on the upside down position but I noticed something else…

We can see the others with their masks EXCEPT Dazai who is facing his back and of course just as I said Chuuya is also on another different angle, the only one among the smaller “puppets”. Let me think that Fukuzawa and Mori are on the upside down because they’ve already fallen on Fyodor’s trap which is the truth as of now. They already fell so there is no need for the strings unlike the others. But Chuuya on the other hand is still on the process of “falling” and what’s worrisome is Dazai is facing his back.

My conclusion: Its like telling that Chuuya will “fall” (corruption) and Dazai isnt there (facing his back) to save him..thefore supporting the other theory of Fyodor making Chuuya to use corruption without Dazai..and we all know what will happen if ever-

Let us stop here

the thing is
i loved you the way everyone wants to be loved
and you loved me the same way you felt sorry for me
sorry for leaving
sorry for never calling me back
sorry about the way things ended

the thing is
i’ve spent my whole life learning to forgive
but seventeen years of “it’s okay, i swear it’s fine”
wasn’t enough preparation for the way you were
sorry for leaving, sorry for calling me, sorry for needing to hear my voice it’s just that you couldn’t sleep and sorry for having to hang up because she was there and i was here and sorry for kissing me that day but you just couldn’t help yourself because i looked so pretty

the thing is
i grew up in a house where my father drank himself half to death more often than he said he loved me, so i got good at drinking enough to forget my crumbling family life
but there’s not enough alcohol to keep me from remembering the way you looked at me under that tree or the sound of your laugh or the way you said my name in that coffee shop

—  how does it feel to be the only one who got out in one piece?