i forgave you in the end man!

Some thoughts on the Watson marriage

First of all, upfront: I believe Mary and John sincerely loved each other and were genuinely trying to make their relationship work. But clearly, at least on some levels, it was not working, and I want to play armchair marriage counsellor for a bit and look at why.

So, obviously, the first major misstep in their marriage is Mary lying about her history and identity, and then shooting John’s best friend to protect her secret.  Why didn’t she just tell him who she was from the beginning? 

MARY: John can’t ever know that I lied to him. It would break him and I would lose him forever.

She was terrified that he wouldn’t love her if he found out about her past.  What might have given her that idea?  What messages was John sending her that his love was conditional on her being ordinary, sweet, and safe?

In some ways, John’s behavior after he finds out the truth proves her fears unjustified.  Though he struggles for a while, he doesn’t leave her, and he makes a renewed commitment to their relationship.  So far so good.  But look at what he says to her:

JOHN: The problems of your past are your business. The problems of your future … are my privilege. It’s all I have to say. It’s all I need to know.

It’s a very romantic moment, and clearly well-intentioned. And Mary is grateful for his forgiveness, and agrees to move forward with him.  But there’s a mixed message hidden in John’s statement.  In throwing away the thumb drive unread, he’s confirming her suspicion that he can’t love the person she was in the past, only the persona she has created.  

MARY: You don’t even know my name.
JOHN: Is ‘Mary Watson’ good enough for you?

Here again – it’s a lovely and romantic sentiment, but even as Mary was thrilled to accept his forgiveness, she must have gotten the message that Mary Watson is acceptable, but her history as Rosamund is not.  That could only have heightened her sense of insecurity in the relationship.  It would have been a much more generous gesture on John’s part if he had simply asked her name at that moment, instead of shoving it into the closet of things we must never speak of.

In TST, John acts surprised that Mary is still keeping secrets from him, but what choice did he give her?  He basically told her there’s this whole part of her life that he doesn’t want to hear about.  

And when he does catch her in her lies, John tries to be understanding, but he makes another small mistake with big repercussions:

JOHN: Mary, I may not be a very good man, but I think I’m a bit better than you give me credit for, most of the time.

I think what he means is that he’s not as judgmental as she thinks – she doesn’t need to hide from him, because he would support her even in difficult times.  But by phrasing it in terms of him being “good”, he also unintentionally reminds her that she is not good.  This is a difference between them in her mind: he is good and she is bad.  

MARY: You’re always a good man, John. I’ve never doubted that. You never judge; you never complain. I don’t deserve you.

She seems here to be accepting his claim that he won’t judge her. But in saying that she doesn’t deserve him, she’s highlighting the fact that he makes her feel lesser, which makes her insecure and leads her to lie and misrepresent herself in order to seem “good” enough for him.  

Once they get back home, she states this problem again, even more clearly:

MARY: You don’t make it easy, do you?
JOHN: What d’you mean?
MARY: Well, being … being so perfect.

Unmistakably, she is trying to tell him how hurt she is by the roles they’ve unwittingly assigned each other: Perfect John and Bad Mary.  And at last, it seems like John gets it. Before they’re interrupted, he starts to tell her about his affair in an effort to reassure Mary that neither of them is perfect.  It feels like the best chance they have for a fresh start based on a better understanding of and respect for each other as real, flawed people.

Then, sadly, Mary dies before they are able to hash this out. And one of the most tragic elements of her death scene is this:

MARY: Being Mary Watson was the only life worth living.

Mary wants to leave their relationship on the best note possible, but it breaks my heart that even with her dying breaths, she feels the best way to do this is to deny the “bad Rosamund” that John always seemed to be rejecting, and present herself as the “good Mary” that she believed John wanted her to be.

And the thing is, I don’t think John ever intended her to feel that way.  He wears a conventional veneer, but Sherlock is right – deep down, John wanted to be with someone as dangerous and morally grey as he is.  He initially thought he wanted perfect Mary, but he really fell in love with the more complicated Rosamund underneath.

And yet, even though he loved her, forgave her, and respected her for the most part, a part of him was still angry and resentful over Mary’s betrayal, and I think he unconsciously picked on her for it in these subtle ways.  

Which is understandable, if not ideal.  But what *really* saddens me is what John says at the end of TLD:

JOHN: I’m not the man you thought I was; I’m not that guy. I never could be. But that’s the point. That’s the whole point. Who you thought I was… is the man who I want to be.

No, John, no!  He’s so close here, but then he gets it so wrong.  Mary doesn’t want you to be that perfect man she thought you were! Mary thought that dude was kind of a jerk!  And she was right, honestly.  What Mary was trying to tell you is, that man is sanctimonious, patronizing, and judgmental.  DON’T BE THAT GUY.  No one likes that guy, least of all Mary.  

Mary didn’t want a “good man”, she wanted a partner in crime. Someone who understood her and respected her – ALL of her, not just the pretty and well-behaved bits.  At your best, John, you were that partner, but at your worst, you were a superior, scolding, hypocritical prig.

I’m not sure, but I think (I hope?) this is what Sherlock’s getting at during this exchange:

SHERLOCK: It’s not a pleasant thought, John, but I have this terrible feeling, from time to time, that we might all just be human.
JOHN: Even you?
SHERLOCK: No. Even you.

The lesson John needs to learn is not to be a better man for the perfect, imaginary version of Mary in his head, but to be kinder and more accepting and empathetic to the real, flawed person Mary actually was.  And to honor her memory, perhaps be kinder and more accepting and empathetic to people like her – including himself.


*** I actually love this song so this one came to me pretty quickly. I also tried something different and added the lyrics to the story. I usually just put the story without the lyrics so the you guys can go listen to it and then read the story but I decided to switch it up. Lemme know if you guys like that better or How I usually do it. The request also mentioned the reader being a good girl that’s stuck on Happy so that’s where that came from.

Warning for mentions of cheating and a bit of an unhealthy relationship and semi smut.*** 

 A loud knock on your front door yanked you out of your deep sleep. sitting up in your bed, you looked over at the clock on the nightstand and saw that it was 3:27 in the morning. There was only one person that would be at your door at this time. 


 You’d been distant from him lately. He always said that it wasn’t anything personal, he didn’t care about the girls. They were nothing to him. They were just there and he’d use them when he needed a quick release of frustration and couldn’t have you for whatever reason. He always assured you that his heart was with you, you were the one he went home to after all. It still hurt you though. You were tired of all the betrayals. You were tired of feeling as though your respect for him was unrequited. You were tired of being humiliated by him and yet, you loved him more than anything. He was your drug and your love for him was pure. He was your everything and no matter how many times he lied to you, hurt you, betrayed you, you’d still let him in. This time wasn’t any different. 

 You sighed and stood from your bed, slipping on your silk robe over your tank top and panties. You made your way out of the room and towards the front door, the knocking on the door coming again, a bit more aggressively now. Pulling open the door, you found him standing there, brooding look upon his face as always. His shirt had drops of blood on it and his brow was split, the blood from the wound dripping down. His knuckles weren’t looking much better. Your eye contact stayed as you silently stepped back and opened the door all the way, letting him in. Back into your house and back into your heart

  When he calls to me, I am ready
I’ll wash his feet with my hair if he needs

  Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain
Even after three times he betrays me

  Ah oh I’ll bring him down, bring him down, down

  Ah oh a king with no crown, king with no crown 

 He stepped in and immediately went to sit at the kitchen table, his shoulders hunched over in fatigue. Neither of you spoke as you walked to the sink, pulling out the first aid kit and a wash cloth. You ran the cloth under the warm water and rung it out, turning around and walking back to him. With a gentle hand, you dabbed and wiped at the blood, some of it dried and caked, some of it fresh and still running. His hands came up to rest on your hips as you stood in front of him. 

 “I missed you.” 

 You said nothing at first, not wanting to admit that you missed him as well. You didn’t have to say anything though. He knew. 

  I’m just a holy fool,

  Oh baby it’s so cruel but
I’m still in love with Judas baby
I’m just a Holy Fool, oh baby it’s so cruel
But I’m still in love with Judas baby 

 He stayed quiet but squeezed your hips a little tighter. You finished cleaning up the blood and put on a butterfly bandage for him, pressing around his cheek gentle, checking for a socket fracture. When you didn’t find one, you grabbed all the dirty supplies, bloodied gauze and swabs, and took them over into the trash. He stood and went to the sink washing his own hands, the water going red as it swirled down the drain. He wiped them off and went over into the living room siting down on the couch with a tired groan. 

 Following him over, you kneeled before him, slipping off his shoes and then his socks. He looked down at you as you pampered him. He knew you deserved better than him. You were a good girl. You weren’t supposed to be with a man like him, in a life like this. He knew that. But he wanted to be selfish and keep you for himself. He didn’t give you everything you deserved, he didn’t always treat you the way that you deserved, but he knew you loved him regardless. 

  Whoa whoa I’m in love with Juda-as,
Whoa whoa I’m in love with Juda-as,

  Juda-as! Juda-ah-as! Judas! Juda-ah-as

  Juda-as! Juda-ah-as! Judas! Ga-ah ga-ah 

 He suddenly leaned forward and stood from the couch, reaching his hand down to you and pulling you up with him when you grabbed it. He grabbed you around the waist and pulled you into him.

“Lemme put you to bed.” 

 You nodded as you looked up at him, a bashful look coming over you. You knew what that meant. Him speaking those words at this time after he came home from club business always ended the same way, with you on your back and his face between your thighs. It was his way of apologizing. Apologizing for waking you, apologizing for lying to you when you asked him questions, apologizing for the croweaters, apologizing for you having to take care of him when he came home like this. 

 He led you back into your room and began to undress you. His lips kissed along your jaw and neck, your night clothes falling to a pile at your feet as you did the same to him. You knew you shouldn’t be giving in. You knew you shouldn’t be letting him back in but you couldn’t help it. Any time you tried to let go of him, to move on, it never worked. You needed him, even if you knew it wouldn’t end well. 

  I couldn’t love a man so purely

  Even darkness forgave his goofy way

  I’ve learned love is like a brick you can

  Build a house or sink a dead body 

 With both of your bodies bare, Happy gently pushed you onto the bed before leaning down to kiss you. He was gentle, as usual when it was this late. His kisses started on your jaw and trailed their way down until his lips her resting right on your mound. He pressed a gentle kiss once more before snaking out his tongue and dragging it through your lips. You relaxed against the sheets, his mouth slow as he coaxed the pleasure out of you. You let a hand go down to run over his scalp, missing being able to feel that stubble under your fingertips. 

 Everyone always knew you as the good girl, and you were, but you wondered exactly when you’d fallen under Happy’s spell. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it had happened. You just knew that it had happened fast and neither of you wanted to stop it, even when it got a little toxic. 

 With diligence, his mouth began to work a little harder on you. He wasn’t as gentle now, writing out his apology with the tip of his tongue. You felt your thighs begin to shake a little, your hips raising of the bed but he held you down, set on making you come. And you did. With cries of his name and ‘I love you’ you came and he knew he was forgiven now. He knew he’d earned back his spot, both in your bed and in your heart.

 He crawled back up you body and laid beside you, watching your chest heave as you tried to regain your breathing. After a couple minutes, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest. 

 “I love you babygirl.” 

 “I love you too Hap.” 

 He’d try his best to love you the way you deserved and treat you how you deserved. You knew it was only a matter of time though. He’d do it again. The club got in the way of that. As he kissed your cheek, he would lie to you again. And once again, you’d forgive him and make it work. 

  Whoa whoa I’m in love with Juda-as, Juda-as

  Whoa whoa I’m in love with Juda-as, Juda-as

do you ever just think about Jay and Tim and feel really sad


Jay died and neither of them knew that he forgave Tim

and Tim has to live with knowing Jay’s death is partially his fault
and be completely alone

idk man I just really wanted some kind of not depressing end for those too, even if it wasn’t happy, but we can’t always get what we want

sometimes I still think about that even though

Maximoff’s Twin-2

Part Two of Maximoff’s Twin! Thank you to everyone who requested a part two and a part three! All other Anon Requests I am working on it!

Maximoff’s Twin-1

“What do you wish to do Captain?”
T’Challa turned to face Steve who was watching Wanda interact with Y/N. Steve was having a war with himself. What if Bucky wasn’t free from Hydra and something happened to revert him back to the Winter Solider? What if Bucky got mad at the fact we let him out with the trigger words still in him? No. he would want to do the right thing.
“Let’s take him out. If the doctors believe his is truly the only one who can help Y/N, then we need to take that chance. Wanda can only handle so much.”
“I’ll alert the doctors they can start the regeneration process to free Mr. Barnes.”
“Thank you T’Challa.”
“Of course, Captain.”

T’Challa left Steve standing outside of Y/N’s room where her and Wanda were sitting on the bed. Y/N looked so different from the last time Steve saw her.

Originally posted by anttonystark

Everyone was scattered. Scoot had made a distraction for Steve and Bucky to get to the hangar and surprisingly, it worked. As they were running towards the hangar, the watch tower beside it started to fall. Steve and Bucky started to run faster and when they looked up again, the building had stopped falling. They both turned to see Y/N standing there holding her hands out towards the building. Steve saluted her and Y/N just laughed and told them to “get their old asses out of here” They started to run again when they heard a high pitched scream. They turned back around to see Wanda on the ground holding her head and Vision in the air. Y/N turned to see what they were looking at and when she saw her sister on the ground and Vision hurting her, she threw one of her arms his way and threw him back. Wanda looked up at Y/N and thanked her and the boys went running again. They heard another scream and then another one after that. They turned back to see both sisters on the ground holding their heads and Y/N writhering on the ground. She still had her hands out towards the building so they started to run again. They made it just in time before the building fell. There, they ran into Natasha and everything just went downhill from there.
*End of Flashback*

Originally posted by hoechlins

Steve shook his head in hopes of getting rid of the memories. He walked over to the door and scanned his hand to enter the room. Once he was in, the door shut behind him. He walked over to where the sisters were and he could barely make out what was being said.
“What if I’m a monster? I cant go back to being like that. It’s not safe for me or others.”
“But your not a monster.”
“But I feel like I am.”

Steve cleared his throat and Wanda turned to face him and Y/N looked up shyly.
“I just wanted to let you girls know, we’ve decided to let Bucky out of cryro. T’Challa didn’t say how long it would take though.”
“Thank you Steve.”

Steve nodded at Wanda and took one more glance at Y/N. His heart shattered at the sight, broken, but emotionless. He made his way back to the door when Y/N’s voice stopped him.
“Who is Bucky?”
“Steve come back.”

Steve walked back over to the bed and Wanda pointed to a chair that was beside the bed. Steve sat there and looked down at his hands there where in his lap and avoided looking at the sisters.
“Who is Bucky?”
“Bucky is Steve’s best friend from before the war and the super soldier serum.”
“Miss Wanda Maximoff, we need your assistance in the cryro room.”

Wanda looked over at Steve and then back at her sister before she sighed and started to get up.
“Do you think you’ll be ok by yourself with Steve? I have to help them bring Bucky out of cryro.”
“Yeah I’ll be fine.”

She nodded as she spoke and Wanda smiled. She got up and Steve followed her to the door.
“Wanda I don’t think,”
“I do not care what you think at the moment Captain. You put her in this position so you will help her in any way. You’ll need to sit where I was sitting and hold her hands how I was. She’s using her powers even though she is unaware of it. She’s able to see your memories as you talk about a certain thing. It’s helping her, but only a little.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure.”

And with that, Wanda left the room and Steve took a deep breath and sighed before he started to walk back over to Y/N. She looked so small the way she was sitting but she also looked dangerous at the same time. Steve was hesitant at sitting so close to Y/N.
“Wanda said I would need to sit here and let you hold my hands, is that alright?”

Steve nodded and sat down on the bed cross legged and his hands out flat facing up wards and Y/N did the same but with her palms laying over his.
“Bucky was your friend?”
“He is my friend. We used to be best friends before the war and during the war. I lost him when we went on a mission, I thought I lost him that day. Then I went under and I wake up 75 years later and I’m being told its 2014. It was two years later when I found out Bucky survived the fall and turned into Hydra’s super soldier, the Winter Solider. Another two years later and I found him again. He was charged with bombing the UN. I helped him escape however, and a whole big deal happened which I now being called, Civil War. Bucky requested to be put back into cryro until the Hydra trigger words are out. He did it for his safety and others.”

Originally posted by ariesw1493

“And you believe he can help me?”
“I think if anyone can help you the most, it would be him.”
“You know, from what I’m told and what I’ve seen, I forgive you. You don’t have to feel bad for what you did, even though right now I don’t fully understand it, you did what was right at the time.

Originally posted by thekaskproject-art

She smiled at Steve and he smiled back. The door opened and they both looked to see Wanda and Bucky standing there.
“Is now a good time? We can come back later if we need to.”
Steve turned back to face Y/N who just smiled and nodded.
“Now’s a good time. We were just finishing up.”
“Alright, T’Challa said it would be good to let you get out of here Y/N so Bucky’s going to show you around and you two can talk does that sound ok?”
“Yeah, just let me change and I’ll be right out.”
“Alright, come on Steve.”

Bucky  laughed as Steve started to blush. He got off the bed and made his way over to the door. Once he had left, Y/N got up and went to her closet.
“Hey jerk.”
“Hey punk.”
“I’m sorry we took you out of cryro but everyone believes you can help Y/N.”
“So I’ve been told. Well, I guess this could take awhile huh?”
“It’s possible, yeah.”

As they were talking, Y/N appeared at the door and knocked.
“Why is she in the room?”
“Her powers are out of sorts after everything that they did to her at the Raft. The room is meant for her protection and the protection of others. She has to wear gloves, they help keep her powers in check.”

Steve went over to the door to put the code in as he was doing so he was out of sorts.
“Only me Wanda and T’Challa know the code to her room, 6758G.You’ll need it in order to get in and out of the room.”
“What’s wrong with you punk?”
Steve stopped what he was doing and turned to face Bucky.
“It’s my fault she’s like this, I should’ve went for her, hell, Clint and Wanda begged me to go get her but I said there wasn’t enough time, there was no way we could all make it and Y/N would understand. And she does, before you’ll came in, she said she forgives me and she understands it even though she doesn’t know everything that’s happened.”

Originally posted by im-rey

The raft was a hard place to find. Being in the middle of the ocean, and underwater it was no wonder the place was called the raft. Steve had managed to find the place thanks to T’Challa who provided him with the means to get to the raft and get in it. The power went out once Steve was where he needed to be. He walked up to Sam’s cell and released Sam first before he went to release the others. Clint helped him free Wanda from her strait jacket. Once everyone was free, they started to make their way out of the detention cells. 
“Wait! Where are we going? We have to free Y/N!”
Steve turned to face Wanda who looked so broken leaning against Clint.
“She wasn’t with you guys and we only knew where you all were. We don’t have the scematics of this place or the time. Once the power comes back on, this place will be surrounded with guards. We don’t have enough time to search the entire place for her. I’m sorry.”
“Steve come on man, she helped you out. The least you can do is help her out.”
“I said no Sam. I came for what I came here to get. You can either come with me, or risk getting caught again.”
Everyone just shook their heads but Wanda looked at Steve. When she spoke, her voice was void of any emotion except hatred and pain.
“If she dies or she comes back to me different, I will kill you myself.”
Steve just sighed and nodded.  He led everyone to the quinjet and they all left for Wakanda.
*End of Flashback*

“Man that wasn’t your fault, if Y/N forgave you then you should let it go.”
“That’s just it, that’s not Y/N.”

anonymous asked:

hey! i just watched big hero 6 the other day, and i was wondering what your reason is towards shipping tadashi and the professor? i can't seem to understand why they are shipped...i'd like to hear your reason though! (and the movie was so good i cried like three times :'0 )

Love the movie too, watched it more than 10 times lol! -cries- 

Anyway, this also goes to others who are also wondering. This is from my perspective.


Ummm, I guess its simply cos I think they are compatible for each other? Well based on my personal theories of them they are to me. Let me explain how I believe this ship can actually work. Keep an open mind and try to - read the whole thing. 

Okay so all of you who have watched Big Hero 6 knows exactly the kind of person Tadashi was right? Most of you would even refer to him as - bambi-eyes angel/baby - or ‘Beautiful Cinnamon Roll That’s Too Good For This World’. Yeah. He was incredibly decent. So decent that he literally sacrificed his life to help someone, who he assumed, was in distressed. Based on this, I believe he was someone who could purely empathize people’s pain to an extreme level. He probably gained this ability growing up taking care of Hiro, who canonly was often bullied.

As for Callaghan I believe, after the teleportation portal incident, had a break down. I mean, after witnessing his daughter (Who he raised alone, as I presumed he’s either divorced or a widower) disappeared into the portal and was assumed dead afterward, he most likely would have! He probably spent months grieving Abigail’s death. He stayed alone with his depressive thoughts, loneliness and rage pave their way to seeking vengeance. The only beloved he had was gone for god sake! -dramatic wail-

At this point Tadashi, being the incredibly kind and understanding person he is with great power, tries to help his professor. Of course only Tadashi knows the state he was in since he was probably the only one who dared enough to break into Callaghan’s apartment just to check up on him when everyone else got shut out. Yeah. He cares so much. Despite busy with school and big brother responsibility, I think Tadashi would do everything he can to get the mentor he looked up to back on his feet. Eventually he did, came back to work and all because of Tadashi.

Although Callaghan’s desire to avenge his daughter’s death wasn’t fully gone, with Tadashi around keeping him emotionally stable and right minded, he stayed a good man.

Mind you the story is only theoretical headcanon, and is why I can ship them. Although it is not the only reason why, but please don’t assume I do because I’m into the huge age gap thing or teacher student relationship. The goal of this ship is for me to see both of them being happy together so I can be happy and nothing unethical is involve.

If you don’t want to ship this ship, it’s okay, just don’t trash. If you want to but still can’t get to, try to look from another angle. Like imagine Callaghan was only in his mid 40s, his daughter was safe with him, Tadashi was still alive and Hiro got into SFIT. Everyone’s good, accepting and happy yeay!

You can find my Calladashi fanarts here (x)

Oh! If you’re wondering why I like Callaghan, it’s because I empathize him. I don’t agree with his choice that involves killing people, but blinded by grief, rage and vengeance is something I can personally understand. Sides, in the end he regretted it, so I forgave him. “ Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

Also old/middle aged man with brain and charisma is my aesthetic. 

“hard worker” pt. 2

Originally posted by gyuhan-17

1 | 2

genre: angst / fluff

# of words: 1,170

summary: jihoon shows up at (Y/N)’s house apologizing

A/N: AHHHH so i said i was going to release a mingyu angst before this but i changed my mind LOL i hope you enjoy this part two!

Approaching the exit doors, a body collided into yours. Not bothering to look up, you muttered a short apology and tried to walk past the person.

“(Y/N)?” he said. 

Fuck, it was Mingyu.

Keep reading

“Absolution” - Solavellan Oneshot

Solas glided through the night, following his footsteps until they brought him to the great gates of Skyhold. How long had it been since he had left his love, his world, walking this very path? All was quiet and dark. His breath formed icy clouds as it escaped his lips in halting puffs. His heart was racing and aching, making his limbs feel heavy and exhausted. He had traveled so far and he was finally at her doorstep.

It did not take long to find her. Even now, after all this time, he could feel her. He could close his eyes and almost feel her under his skin.

Gracefully he strode into her room. So still. So silent. Moonlight shone in from the great stained glass windows and shone upon her as she lay upon her bed. Solas crossed the room and sat beside her. She always looked so peaceful when she slept, as if the weight of the world did not rest upon her shoulders, as if she were made to be the Inquisitor.

He gazed lovingly at her face. His breath came in sharp as he tried to contain himself. He reached out with a tremulous hand and caressed her face. How many nights had he dreamed of her? Longed for her? How many times had he walked the fade hoping and fearing he would see her. First he had feared she would search for him. Then he had hoped she would. Then he feared he would see her in the fade and find that she now loved another. It would have been kinder for her if she had, but no, not his vhenan. She was always waiting, hoping, calling out prayers of love to him. But he could not answer, not while it put her life in danger.

Solas caressed her hair, grazed her cheek with the back of his hand, and ran his fingers delicately up the back of her beautiful hands.

“I am so sorry! I came to you to ask for forgiveness. I have only ever loved you, dreamed of you, vhenan….please, wake up. Please, come back to me.”

Hot tears began to sting his eyes. It was not supposed to be like this. Solas had walked away from her, his one love, his heart, in order to protect her! He had forsaken her happiness and his own in order to prevent this from happening! A choking gasp escaped his lips as he pressed his trembling lips against the cold stone lips of his lost love.

The visage of Inquisitor Lavellan was intricately carved in marble and lay in state in the underhold of Skyhold, resting above the bones of his beloved. Her beautiful face was carved by loving hands, free of valasslin. Her hands were delicately sculpted to the same size and shape as hers when she was living, and she was attired in a regal gown fit for a queen. Her hair had been sculpted long and flowing, surrounding her face in loose ringlets and braids giving her the appearance of an angelic goddess. Whoever had commissioned the work had spared no expense and honored her memory with such glory as to rival Andraste herself.

Solas caressed her smooth face, kissed her forever closed lids with the delicately carved eyelashes that fanned across her cheeks. So many times he had kissed those cheeks when they were warm, flushing to his touch. He had kissed those lashes as they fluttered at his tender words of love and adoration. Her lips had been fleshy pink and puckered when she was being coy with him. Now they were cold and unyielding. He wondered if her heart would feel the same way towards him if she were alive today.
Solas’ heart ached and his throat burned. Nothing was left. Even if he had succeeded in his mission, he had failed her. And in the end, he had only come back to her when he had nothing left.

Solas sat up and lifted the side of his shirt to see the progress of the deep gash in his side. Dark crimson spilled forth from him in rivers when he removed the bandage. He knew well enough that it would not be long now. Falon’din had struck swift and true and Solas had no doubt that there was no coming back from this. He had struggled to escape and make it back to Skyhold fearing he would not make it in time.

He had known he had little time left and that coming here was selfish. But he had not expected to find his love had gone before him. Perhaps…perhaps he could cross into the fade. Her memory would be stronger here. He could spend his last few minutes remembering her before his time was through.

Solas laid down beside the effigy of Lavellan, placed one arm around her waist and laid his cheek against her hair so his lips rested against her delicate ear. He closed his eyes, winced at the pain and the chill seeping into his arms and legs, and began to cross into the warm haze of the fade.

Solas stepped into the faded memories of Skyhold. The candlelight, the stained glass, the warmth of lit fires, and the sounds of the busy hold were as familiar to him as an old home. He stood in his rotunda, reveling in the scents and smells of smoke and fresh paint.

He ran his hands across the top of his worn desk and papers. It all felt so real.

Then he felt it. The pull, the invisible thread that tied him to her, was tugging at him and signaling that she was near. Solas turned to see her leaning in his doorway in her devil-may-care style.

“Vhenan…” his eyes stung and it became impossible to swallow.

She strode towards him slowly at first then rushed to him to close the gap between them. She threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. Solas was so overcome he groaned as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in so tight that even he was having a hard time breathing. Her kisses were upon his lips, his cheeks, his nose, his chin, his jawline. She cupped his face in her hands and pressed her lips against his, breathing in and out in rhythm with him, and they stood pressed in their embrace, neither willing to let go even a little bit.

“Where have you been, Solas?” She whispered against his lips. He pulled back and rested his forehead against hers.

“I have been too far from you.”

Her head nodded against his. “Yes you have.”

Solas swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry…I thought I was doing the right thing. I never wanted to hurt you, to leave you…ar lath ma, vhenan. Please, forgive me.”
She pulled back to look at him, her pale golden locks framing her face and her peachy lips reddened with his kiss.
“I forgave you before you even asked, Solas. What matters is you are home now.”

Solas frowned. As sweet as it was, the faded illusion would end and he would wander the fade forever alone. He could feel the ties to his mortal body quickly fading. He was becoming stronger here. Soon there would be nothing left of the man and he would be Fen’harel again, trapped within the fade once more with only fading memories of Lavellan to keep him company. The thought was both heaven and hell. He closed his eyes and willed away this haunting visage of his vhenan. He could not bask in her adoration for the man he no longer was.

It was fitting he supposed. His wrongs would remain unrectified. There could be no absolution for the harm he done her.

“Solas, open your eyes.” She was still there, still in his arms. Skyhold had melted away. The rotunda, the candlelight, the warmth…all gone. But she remained, silhouetted in the emerald rays of the wisps of the fade around them.

She was real. She was no memory. He caressed her face and looked deep into her eyes.
“You are here. You are really here…” his voice broke as she looked up at him and smiled with those lips he had craved so many, many nights when he was away from her.

“I’ve been waiting for you, vhenan. I know who you are. I know what you had to do. And I forgive you, Dread Wolf.” He bent to her and laid his head against the curve of her neck. No longer stone and coldness, she was all warmth and flesh and beautiful. A single tear ran down his face as his arms encircled her and drew her closer to him. His lips pressed against her ear, breathed in her scent from her hair, kissed her brow, her beautiful thick lashes as they fanned across her cheeks, and gently kissed her warm, inviting lips.

“This can not be real. I do not deserve this. You are a demon sent to trick me.” She smiled at him in that coy manner that she had mastered.

“And if I was?” She ran her fingers down his neck to his jaw pendant.

He whispered against her lips hungrily, “I’d sell you my soul over and over again for eternity.”

“Lucky for you that I only ever wanted you. Come home, Solas. Let go.”

Solas could feel the tiniest thread holding him to the mortal plane. He cut it happily and released what had been, all his mistakes, all his lost friends and loved ones. He let it go and could feel the weightless freedom that came from existing only in spirit.

His love looked at him with eyes that adored him. He took her face in his hands and kissed her slowly, deeply, as if for the first time. In truth, it was the first time that they had embraced with no secrets or lies between them. He finally felt whole. Things had always been easier for him in the fade because he was part of it and now so was she. His anchor had allowed her the same access he once had. Almost as if it had been meant to be.

“Vhenan…” He touched her and she was real. The only thing he loved more than the fade had been her. She was his, to share in the ancient memories and to walk with in forgotten realms, for now and forever.

“Ar lasa mala revas, Fen'harel.” She smiled, took him by the hand, and led him home.

AO3 link 

Find the lyrics for each song on Dear Youth below:

I can’t stop screaming these words over again. Until breath escapes and my chest caves in. It doesn’t matter where I’ve been. Can’t give in, and shut down. Just breathe in and breathe out and begin. I shook the hand of doubt so I could sever the lines that he spits from his mouth. And now it’s time to pull through. Something I must do with or without you.

I’ve been here one time, two times, now three times before. Long enough not to wait around for that knock upon my door. I’m staring at the face of doubt so I can’t forget who I’m cutting out. Why put in my all just to watch my buildings fall?

Hey, hey, I’m living for today. Forgetting things I can’t change unwinds me. Hey, hey, nothing stands in my way. Time stopped when I broke the chains that bound me.

It all comes down to this. Both truth and consequence. I need something more than an empty promise. To believe in something, just one thing, that will never go wrong, not today. Letdown after letdown, I’m done.

Hey, hey, I’m living for today. Forgetting things I can’t change unwinds me. Hey, hey, nothing stands in my way. Time stopped when I broke the chains that bound me.

Count the clock till the overhaul. You built a bomb inside my walls. Count the clock till we’re out of hand. You build, build now we’re caught in the avalanche.

Reset, rebuild. You wrecked this city but not my will.

I leave behind this sentiment to the man that I’ll become. Telling him not to be burdened by the things that I have done. The longest days and endless nights have become the routine. Far beyond frustration. It’s the end to all my means.

Constantly incomplete.

With my back against the wall, I stack brick by brick. I will rise above them all like this.

I may not be forgiven, but I forgave and I’ll forget. Going through the motions is no way to exist. So if there’s anybody out there that’s so sick of feeling alone, Has the damage already been done? You gotta get from underneath that gun.

We walk before we run.

With my back against the wall, I stack brick by brick. I will rise above them all like this.

Move me, choose me. Please before you lose me. Find me, drive me. End the things that pride me. Move me, improve me. Ignite the flame that ruled me. Guide me, collide me. I need something to survive me.

With my back against the wall. I will rise above them all like this. Coming back against all odds, I stack brick by brick. I will rise above them all like this.

Keep reading

I usually try to keep this blog drama free, but I really need to rant right now. I’m seeing all these posts bashing Emma Swan, and how she’s weak now, and they miss season 1 Emma. I know people have a right to their opinion, but the arguments these people are listing ticked me off for some reason.

One of them said season 1 Emma Swan would never “take Hook’s shit or give him the time of day.” Maybe this is coming from season 2 Emma, which I guess is the same thing to these people. And you know what, SEASON 5 Emma Swan wouldn’t have put up with season 2 Hook. The whole point is he needed to change into a better man and prove himself to her, which he did. We had a whole season devoted to that, and actually season 4 too. And season 5 for that matter.

“Season 1 Emma Swan would never forgive Hook for calling her an orphan or putting her family at risk.” This is utter and complete bull shit. Yes she would. Because Emma Swan has always been an understanding and forgiving person to people who prove themselves worthy. The example I’m going to use for this is Regina, because these arguments usually come from Evil Regals. Season 1 Emma (or rather season 2 Emma) forgave Regina for all the “verbal abuse” she dished to Emma during not only season 1, but season 2, 3 ,4 and even 5. She forgave Regina for emotionally hurting Henry in season 1, framing Mary Margaret for murder, trying to kill her entire family kore than once (more particularly with the self destruct diamond at the end of season 2) and you know MAKING EMMA AN ORPHAN IN THE FIRST PLACE. So yes, Emma has always been this way.

“Emma Swan would never get emotional over a man.” Okay I haven’t actually seen those words etxactly, but variations. This is bogus as well. When Graham died, Emma got emotional. She put her walls up higher right after to cope, yes. But she bawled her eyes out watching him die. Season 2 and 3 Emma were devastated when Neal died. She tried to hide her vulnerability from people, but she let her guard down a few times, and is normal for a human being.

Now the only difference with how’s she’s handling things now is that she’s being open with her vulnerability, letting her parents in, her son in. And you know why? BECAUSE SHE’S EVOLVED. she’s stronger for it. Hook is one of the people who broke down her walls. He is the one who helped her not be afraid of the future, and trust in him. Her parents spent a while breaking down her walls for her to trust them. Henry did as well. She changed during season 1 to let him in and stop pushing him out.

I’m sorry if some fans feel like they can’t connect with her, or relate to her anymore. But that is not the writers fault. This is something that has been in the works for nearly 5 years. Emma’s development is the core of this show. And really the only reason I can see for people having a problem with her being openly in love and affectionate, is because she’s doing it with a character you hate. And I’m sorry. But Hook is no worse villian than Rumple or Regina. He’s been working on his redemption. He’s been fighting tooth and nail for it. I’m sorry if you don’t see that, but it’s not a fault of the writers. Just because you don’t agree with their story doesn’t make them stupid. It just means you need to write your own fanfiction so it can work out how you want. Read some that you like. Stop calling Emma weak because she didn’t fall in love with your fave. Stop calling her weak for allowing herself to be more vulnerable. That isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength.

End rant


I was talking with a friend of mine and the Naruto ending topic came out, especially the canon pairings, he really hates Sasuke but he is kinda in love with Sakura (I dont blame him lol) and in some way he ships Narusaku.

Friend: I can’t  believe you actually ship those two, Sakura deserves a man like me.

Me: lol I don’t know I have been shipping them since forever dude.

Friend: Ok, but why she forgave him so easily? How could she forgave this dude just like that? He treated her like crap.

Me: How could Hinata forgave Neji? How could Lee forgave Gaara? How could Sasuke forgave Itachi? How could Jiraiya forgave Nagato and Konan? How could Naruto forgave “the coolest guy” that killed his parents? How could Naruto forgave Gaara? When you answer me those questions I will answer yours.

Friend: Ok I got it, you just slayed my ass.

Me: good. 

If only the antis were like my friend everything would be better. Geez.