i flipped the bird

So I’m working on the Kakashi’s Wish translation (the time travel comic) and there’s a part where Minato is quoting Hiruzen as saying that a Hokage has to consider every person in the village as his own family, which definitely comes from canon. I don’t believe canon ever calls Hiruzen out for his hypocrisy on this one, especially given that Boruto heavily relies on the theme of “Naruto the Hokage must put the village’s needs above his family’s wants”, but Hiruzen is such a hypocrite on this one.

Why do I say that? Because you can compare the treatment of Konohamaru, the Sandaime’s orphan grandson, to the other orphans in the series, and it’s not even close.

The reader first meets Konohamaru–who gets called “Honoured Grandson”–with his dedicated tutor Ebisu, who was in fact a tokubetsu jounin who specialized in teaching–in short, the person who Konoha considered to be the best teacher in all of Konoha. Ebisu got assigned to Konohamaru when he was just starting out at the academy, to teach him one-on-one. And sure, Konohamaru showed talent, but certainly less than Sasuke did; and one could easily argue that if Ebisu was going to have one-on-one time with anyone, it ought to have been Naruto, who was so massively underperforming considering the potential of his heritage and his chakra pool.

So Konohamaru, the Third’s grandson, got the best teacher in Konoha as his personal tutor, whereas other orphans didn’t get any tutor at all. Plus I will bet you a hundred thousand ryo that Konohamaru didn’t live alone, didn’t have to cook and clean for himself, and didn’t have to budget to be able to afford enough instant ramen to live.

“Everyone in Konoha is like my family”. Hiruzen could be such a great character because he’s such a flawed person, someone who 100% believes his own bullshit and who sincerely thinks he’s doing the right thing. His nickname of “the Professor” is too right because he’s honestly the worst of that kind of ivory tower stereotype that has these lofty ideals and believes in them so passionately but lacks the self-awareness to see how completely he’s failing these ideals in practice. He believes so hard that he’s Kindly Grandpa Hokage, but so many of the worst tragedies of the series are directly traceable to his actions or inactions.

Naruto the series came so close to giving some really powerful examples of how just intending to do the right thing is not enough (Itachi is an even more tragic example). The story shows so clearly how their choices massively backfired that I honestly forget sometimes that the story right to the end seems to think that the only thing that matters is that they were Good Guys Who Did the Right Thing. Don’t look any closer than that, don’t ask yourself if they did have other choices (even if they honestly didn’t perceive any), definitely don’t ask if some of the “wrong” choices wouldn’t have been more moral or had better results than the ones they actually took. (Would the death toll of innocents have truly been higher if Itachi had allied with his clan’s coup? If he had taken out Danzo and his sympathizers covertly to allow Hiruzen and the more moderate elements control? If he had attempted to whistleblow to Konoha at large all the fuckery that was going on? If he had decided “fuck you, fuck you, and especially fuck you, we’re out” and took li’l Sasuke and ran off to another country to open a dango and tomato stand? But I’m getting down a rabbit hole now. [Somebody write me an AU about Itachi and Li’l Sasuke’s Tomato ‘n’ Dango Shoppe.])

IDK if I should tag this hiruzen sarutobi or not? Does this count as character hate? IDK. If there are any Hiruzen fans who feel offended that this is tagged that, let me know and I will remove the tag and/or throw down with you about Hiruzen’s fuckboy-ness at your leisure.

My daughter who is seven drew this scene of Sans fighting Gaster…. With his middle finger!!! She is unaware of what she drew I think and why I find it so great!

Do my kid a favor and like or reblog this- she’s always asking me to show her art off online because she’s proud of her work. She has autism spectrum disorder, she struggles in school, and the poor girl is very socially awkward- it’d really boost her confidence if I could show her how many people saw and liked her work.

Thank you my loves!

Gayle Waters-Waters {Sentence Starters}

  • “I want this place looking like Disney on Ice in ONE minute!”
  • “We all need to look our best. That’s why I suggest we each wear two pantsuits.”
  • “So I get in my car and start flooring it in reverse down the highway, flipping the bird out my sunroof…”
  • “Look at me, I’m a monster. I’ve destroyed something beautiful.”
  • “I’m fine. Got a little singed in there, but not the end of the world.”
  • “So, I stole a pig, blamed _____ for it, and he/she spent a night in the big house.”
  • “I’ve never felt more out of place and more uncomfortable.”
  • “It’s the kind of embarrassment that you feel in your ass. Most embarrassment you feel in your stomach. This is ass embarrassment.”
  • “You see, I’d been up the past two days and nights trying to make a bread suit so I could sneak into the sold out crouton expo.”
  • “I’d take him out in the backyard and mess him up like a leaf pile.”
  • “Quiche is just pizza that went to private school.”
  • “Well, I got news for you asshole: I rigged that thing with C-4 so that when I go, it goes.”
  • “So, I black out from the rage. Then I come to covered in Hollandaise sauce.”
  • “Get rid of the couches! We can’t let people know we SIT!”
  • “If _____ rescued a pitbull, then I’m rescuing a shark!”
  • “I can’t go in until this song’s over!”
  • “This is a dish towel. We need a hand towel! What are we, BARBARIANS?”
  • “I won’t be for long if you keep looking so damn fine.”
  • “Nothing gets me hot like a decorative twig bundle.”
  • “What would you have done?”
  • “I called the Coast Guard and asked them to airlift me out, but they won’t.”

i step into the room. a man is standing there. he turns around to face me. it’s billie joe armstrong. he has a guitar in his hand. he tilts his head a bit to the side. he grins. i want to scream. he asks me a question. “what the fuck does ok stand for?” i start shaking. he stares at me. women and children are screaming. we’re surrounded by fire. he’s waiting for my answer. i answer him.”i think it stands for okay.” he jumps out the window while flipping me the bird. i don’t think he liked my answer. i start crying. i’m sorry billie joe armstrong 

Game Grumps — Inside  {Sentence Starters}

{ contains swearing & triggers }

  • “Am I gonna die?”
  • “Shut up. Throw me!”
  • “I wish I could be like a bird.”
  • “Yeah, that broke my pelvis.”
  • “I’m surrounded by assholes.” 
  • “All you people are fucked up.”
  • “Soft, delightful landing of dead pigs.”
  • “I wonder if I have, like, superpowers?”
  • “Oh, shit! Many dogs! MANY DOGS!”
  • “Oh, I love that you can trample people.”
  • “I look like the King of bullshit right now…”
  • “I’ll gladly take the sweet embrace of death.”
  • “FREEDOM! Horrible, horrible FREEDOM!”
  • “There’s nothing that can stop me but objects.”
  • “Ok, I’ll flip you guys the Bird from a distance.”
  • “I hope someone takes my words out of context.”
  • “You can never have too many delicious children.” 
  • “The world is full of horrifying and adorable things.” 
  • “I want to be over there with those fucking dead people.”
  • “I’m filled with a sense of wonder… and fucking mild terror.”
  • “You had the right idea, but the wrong execution… and idea.”
  • “We’re just a little kid running from dudes…and they’re bad.”
  • “Let’s get them into an elevator and start using them for shit.”
  • “Just gonna live out my life partying and occasionally eating chicks.” 
Ride to Slavery

10:00AM The little bitch on the bicycle wasn’t paying attention as I drove by and flipped me the bird as I went by. I slowed down and asked her what her problem was and she said, “You nearly hit me, asshole.” I told her I wasn’t anywhere near her and she came right back, “Just open your fucking eyes next time, moron.” I knew how deserted the road was so I grabbed one of the ziplock bags I carry when hunting with a rag soaked in cohlorform and then slammed my van to the right and knocked her off her bike. I hit the breaks, got out, opening the side door as I went. She wasn’t even up yet and I threw her bike in the van. She got up and asked what the fuck I thought I was doing. I punched her right in the stomach and put the rag over her face. She was out in seconds.

11:00 PM I heard the little bitch waking up. I’d put her in the basement area under the main barn. I wasn’t even sure what I was going to do with her yet. I let her scream for a while, before I paid her a little visit and silenced her with a slap to the face before putting a helmet on her and cutting her clothes off. The helmet was so she’d start to learn and understand the complete loss of identity she was going to suffer as a slave. I put a little bengay, mixed with tiger balm and hot sauce on her cunt, to make her squirm.

12:00 PM I hit her with the cattle prod a few times and she absolutely howled, it was music. I also decided to get her aquianted early with her new life of pain and caned her now extremely sensitive cunt. She struggled and screamed like mad, and tried desperately to get away. I leisurely rubbed my new property. She was going to be fun.

1:30 PM I get her out of the chair and strap her into a strait jacket and put her in a standing cage with a helmet over her head. She can’t see a thing and can hear very little. I randomly walked up and hit her cunt with a small shock wand. The way she screamed and bucked in an effort to get away was like an erotic dance. I pulled her out after a while and straped her into a frame that gives me unrestrained access to her now very sore cunt. I caned her feet and ripped multiple orgams out of her before I whipped her cunt with a single tale. She twisted as much as her bondage allowed which wasn’t much and I could see the begging in her eyes. Her mind was slowly, but very surely moving in the exact direction I wanted it to and instincitvely I think she knew it and was trying desperately to resist.

4:00 PM Given her continued resistance I decide it’s time to truly introduce my new toy to just how much pain it can suffer in very little time. What followed was a three hour marathon of various positions, pain, and suffering, all designed to confuse her mind and overload her senses. She started strapped onto her back, helpless as I sadistically apply an electrified probe to her tits and cunt. Then I bolted her neck and limbs to a pipe and caned her feet before making her stand painfully so I could cane her helplessly exposed ass, and finger her raw cunt to multiple orgams. I laughed at her efforts to stay on her toes and off sore soles, and I loved the way she tried to twist away from my invading fingers. All through this I continually repeated the mantra of how worthless she is. That she’ was just a slave. A thing. A toy for my amusement and pleasure and nothing else. She was constantly shaking her head but the words were getting to her, as was the torture and constant stimulation she was being forced to endure.

7:30 PM By now her cunt was sopping wet despite her efforts to resist. Her body was completely betraying her and I knew it was playing heavily on her mind. She was starting to wonder how she could win if even her own body was fighting against her will. I decide to keep working on those feelings of helplessness and straped her into another frame and blindfolded her as I decided to start her sex training in earnest. I stuck my cock in her mouth and she just sat there gagging slightly but otherwise motionless, with the exception of trying desperately to break free of her bonds. I ignored her struggles and told her even with the ring gag in her mouth I expected her to start sucking. She didn’t at first but after a few shocks with the probe up her ass and whipping her cunt she finally started working with gusto. She wasn’t a great cock sucker yet, and once I shifted to fucking her I realized she had a lot to learn about squeezing her master’s cock with her cunt but she’d learn. If I had any mercy I’d figure her cunt had taken a lot of abuse today and she was probably in quite a bit of pain as I fucked her, but I don’t, instead I whipped her tits for her lack of performance and explained a slave must always perform perfectly, or else.
She’s struggled even harder at my words, still trying to fight her way out of her destiny. I just commented about how pathetic her efforts were as I savegely pinched her nipples and got a final blow job before letting my load splash all over her face. It was another demonstration of her complete helplessness and made to continue her utterly demoralization. I saw the exact look I was searching for in her face for a moment before it was replaced with anger and also more than just a little spirit. I was sure she still thought she’d be rescued or would escape. It was going to be great crushing that spirit and watching that hope completely dissolve along with her will.

10:00 PM I wanted to stick with the lesson of complete helplessness so bolted a gag around her head and bound her wrists to the back of it and her nipples to the front. She stood fully exposed as I proceeded to whip her at my leisure. Each snap of the single tale across her body brought an agonizing scream from her and after an hour she was covered in welts and I could hear begging, but I ignore it as I finally let her down. She was exhausted and could barely stand so I bound her into a kneeling position on an elevated board. Her head and wrists are locked in a kind of stock and her legs were forced doubled and spread wide. She realized how completely exposed she was and started screaming when I approached with she recognized as a piercing kit. I put the kit down and walked behind her, shoving a probe up her ass. She started crying again and I grabbed one of her nipples viciously and gave her a quick shock before I told her to shut up. Her gaze briefly went to the controller I held up and the message, “or else” was clear; she was immediatelly silent. She was learning. I proceeded to pierce her nipples and clit then attached a to the new tit piercings and caned her ass. She was being as quiet as possible, the threat of the probe still on her mind and I smiled.

12:00 AM It had been a long day and my little fuck cunt was exhausted. I locked her in one of my special boxes for the night. It of course had clamps on her tits so a computer could send random shocks as I shaved her head as the final humiliation of the night. Having hair is a luxury a person enjoys, and a fuck slut enjoyed no luxuries. She wept uncontrollably when I told her that. I simply smiled again as she was shorn like an animal and then shaved bald. I loved the look that’s filling her eyes now. She’s terrified and beyond rational thought. She’s a wild animal, and I’m going to enjoy taming her. I continued to explain, in graphic detail, what her life was going to be. She screamed as the reality that this was just the first day of her new life crashes down on her. I left the computer running and melted some wax on her head before mounting a burning candle on the soft wax. I told her if the candle fell off she’d probably burn down the barn and die. If it fell off and she was still alive in the morning she’d just wish she was dead. She continued crying as I left. She’d have a long and exhausting night while I slept soundly. I needed some rest. After all, I had long day planned for her tomorrow.

Present Day
9:00AM the alarm goes off, and my new alarm clock immediatelly snaps up as quickly as her bondage allows and starts searching for my cock. It’s difficult with her arms incased in a leather pouch and the head fully covered in a tight helmet. I’ve found it’s possible to make a helmet extra tight with the absence of hair and so have been keeping her bald. The daily shaving just demoralizes her more.
She finally makes it onto the bed and her search is successful as she starts sucking my cock, just like she’s been taught. She was a bit slow at first but a couple mornings with an electrical probe in her ass and cunt that woke her up with a nice strong current taught her to move quickly. She begged almost constantly for freedom, promising to do anything I wanted if I’d just let her go. I told her she was doing exactly what I wanted, and besides, I’d already proven to her that she didn’t have a choice. I’d do what I wanted without her consent. She was a slave and had no rights and I’d keep teaching her that lesson until she learned it. It was amazing how quick after that the little cunt’s will crumbled. That first night of rape and torture, followed by a day of exactly the same is what really got her, that and the electrical shock up her ass, cunt, and on her tits. She was begging by the second day for the chance to do anything to not experience that again. She had started to fully accept this was the course of her life and she actually called me “Master”. I took her at her word, even though I enjoyed using that torture quite often. She’s absolutely and phobically terrified of electric shock now.

9:15 AM I love fucking this tight little cunt. She, or rather “it”, now works my cock with her muscles as good as any whore I’ve ever had. Almost like her life depended on it, in fact. After I’m done here I’ll flip her over and fuck her in her ass again. She still struggles a little when I do that and I love overpowering her so completely. I figure I’ve only got a few more weeks before even that fight’s out of her. Once that happens I’ll start the real training to completely eradicate any vestiges of the person she used to be and then sell her off.

Before I do I’ll ask her how sorry she is she was so mouthy. Bet she’ll be REAL sorry she ever met me by then. In fact, before she’s fully broken and can’t imagine being anything else but a slave I’m sure not a day will go by that she won’t wish for the chance to go back to that fateful day. Unfortunately for her that wish would never be fulfilled. She would spend the rest of her life as a sex slave and would live knowing that perfect submission and utter obedience was the only thing acceptable from a her. She would perform as a perfect slave and to the utmost best of her abilities, her masters would always make sure of that.