i find these funnier then i should

Things I learnt today: During WW1, MI5 used Girl Guides to send secret messages. They used Girl Guides because they quickly found that Boy Scouts couldn’t be trusted and were’t efficient enough.

My Parents Going Through My Tumblr
  • Dad: Why do you post about us?
  • Me: People find you guys funny.
  • Dad: Funnier than you so I get it.
  • Me: Dad.
  • Mom: You should watch your language.
  • Me: My language? I was quoting you!
  • Mom: That's no excuse.
  • Me: Y'all make no sense.
  • Dad: What's a...Jamilton? Is that one of those ships you talk about?
  • Me: Yes. Jefferson and Hamilton.
  • Mom: Ah yes. They have more sexual tension than you and that 'friend' of yours.
  • Me: Mom oh my God.
  • Dad: Is Lams another one?
  • Me: Yes. Laurens and Hamilton.
  • Mom: Well he did shoot someone for Alexander. Even I wouldn't do that for your father.
  • Dad: Yeah she - wait, what?
  • Mom: Oh look people can comment of these posts of yours!
  • Dad: No no let's get back to the previous -
  • Mom: Would you look at that - we're more popular than you AJ.
  • Dad: HA!
  • Me: Oh my God...
  • Me: I mean no one believes y'all said it so.
  • Dad: Well...
  • Dad: That's rude...
  • Mom: You're rude.
  • Dad: The hell woman?
2

BRING IT ON!

Glitchtale by Camila Cuevas

Speedpaint will be available tomorrow because it’s like 2 am here and I’m bone tired. And this pic is screenshotted. I’ll minimize the original picture tomorrow

https://youtu.be/3eVJ0-PD_SI Edit:HOLY CHRISTMAS, I WAS NEVER THIS HAPPY AT 8 AM :OOOOOOOO STAYING UP UNTIL 2 AM WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!


 I just came up with a dialog frisk could say to betty, because of lols XD 

Frisk: You know, I propably shouldn’t say any of this…it’d make me a real hypocrit. I did kill my friends in another timeline just out of curiosity. No one other than sans and asriel knows about my dark past. And I even messed up my friendship with sans by bringing the reset up. I’m not proud of myself. I wish I had done better and just shut up about it. The irony here is though, that after my mistakes, a friend got a new chance for a new life and is no longer an empty shell. So in a way, making a mistake made us all happy again. pretty ironic, isn’t it? Even a little funny… hehe…but you know what is even funnier? I’m not trying to find a way to reset anymore…‘cause if I did, that means killing you won’t do anything, if you came back. I trusted you…no, WE trusted you! You made one of the kindest monsters go to prison, manipulated a traumatized mother to kill innocent people, you slaughtered children in a school and you murdered two of my friends…sans wanted the future…alphys a new start…I am NOT letting this continue any further… A friend once told me, that on beautiful weather, while the birds are singing and flowers are blooming… kids like me should be burning in hell… you though…hehe…hehehe YOUR HELL HAS JUST BEGUN!

edit: I just realized that the swords design is wrong…*dying inside*

I TOLD YOU I WOULD

WELLLLLlll okay it’s not a shirt, but only because the original image itself was an odd dimension size and a bit too small and resizing it would have made it blurry when printing on a shirt. BUT when I get a bit of free time (pffttttcute Xedra, ‘free time’) I want to remake the image to be of a high enough resolution to print on a shirt. :D

But I do love me some mugs, so I’m more than pleased as punch right now. A mighty thirst indeed ahuhuhuh~ :D Thanks so much, @asrielisdeadandfloweyisabitch <3

Community

I’d like to fill the next few minutes of your life with some words from myself about the community surrounding Markiplier.
-pulls up chairs for both of us to sit in-

I’ve only been in the Markiplier fandom for almost two years, now. I wasn’t there in the very beginning when he had less than a million, but I was there about ten million subs ago. I watched him as he surpassed another goal in just the short weekend I went to a con that summer. I was there when he was pushed over with donations and dyed his hair. I was there as we witnessed the horror unfold of absences of the boys made us grow worried until we finally learned that Mark, Matt, and Ryan lost a dear friend.

A lot of us have been here for a while standing by him as he had his ups and his downs, supporting him by watching his videos excessively when he had bouts of inactivity. Now, to get down to the point.

Not everyone is a fan of every series he makes or even every video. Now, the reason I’m even bothering to make this post is in reference to the recent amount of hate anons that @peeblesprotectionpatrol has been getting today. I’ve seen just basic hate down to ‘she took him away from us’. That’s fucking appalling. This isn’t the first time, either.

There was a whole blog dedicated to finding out who Mark’s girlfriend was, and they were saying some pretty disgusting things as well. Anything from saying that they were tired of Amy “being shoved everywhere” to “Mark should fucking crawl back to Matt and Ryan and beg their forgiveness, because honestly he was funnier when he was with them”. I don’t remember the rest, but these aren’t opinions. An opinion is “I don’t really like seeing Amy in everything” or “I think Mark was funnier with Matt and Ryan”, not what was said.

I’m going to quote Mark directly for this part: “If you’re someone out there on the internet, and you take it upon yourselves at any moment to attack, berate, insult, spread rumors, do nasty shit to other people: You do not belong in this community.

Everything I mentioned above goes true with this statement. You’re letting your opinion cloud your vision so badly that you’re berating, belittling, plain attacking, insulting, and doing nasty shit towards Mark and the people around him. Yes, while if it weren’t for his fans, he wouldn’t be as popular as he is, but he owes us nothing. If and/or whenever he decides to quit, we don’t have any right to say no, especially with the way some fans are acting.

He is his own being and he is allowed to do things. How hard of a statement is that? He’s allowed to date Amy, because both of them consented to going into a relationship. He’s allowed to make videos with Tyler, Ethan, Amy, and Kat because they agreed to it. We cannot decide what goes on his channel, just because we are his fans. We are not entitled to make decisions like that. He owes us absolutely nothing. Not to mention, he has been happier in these past few months than he has looked in years.

Long story short: Youtubers do not owe YOU anything, so stop expecting them to bow down to your demands. If you spread blatant ignorant hate, then you do not belong in these communities.

***Also if you’re one of the people saying you hate Amy, Marzia, or Signe because she’s dating Mark, Felix, or Jack, then you are one of the people mentioned above as you are disrespecting their happiness for your own greedy desires.

Edited: Because if you’re also one of those people who hate a youtuber’s significant other due to them ‘ruining your ship’ you also belong in that category.

oKAY SO when i first created this blog i was just getting back into writing (bc of b99 ahhh the inspo) and i was like y’know it’d be so cute to post my first b99 fic as like a present when i reached 100 followers! (bc im milestone trash) but i didn’t plan for y’all to? think im interesting? bc i’ve only written 1k words total but already surpassed my goal by like 200% sO INSTEAD while i get my act together pls enjoy some random domestic peraltiago headcanons (yay!)

  • so okay hear me out but, like, spa nights
    • like it starts off so simply like maybe every other week amy just likes to use a lil simple face mask bc skin care is important jake and he like teases her a bit bc you look like a zombie arrrghh but maybe after a couple times he’s just rly curious and asks if he can try it too and it becomes a routine thing
    • but then after a few months jake’s like hey! look at these other cool skin things i bought! and amy’s so confused but she goes with it bc okay its nice just sitting in front of the tv with jake while he complains about the lack of cucumbers no jake that’s not - okay fine whatever i’ll get cucumbers next time
      • he just eats all the cucumber slices
    • and eventually it progresses to like full on spa nights (at least that’s what jake calls them) whenever they have free time in the evenings and they aren’t too busy
  • and because i rly like routine things: baking nights!
    • ok so its canon amy sucks at all things food and i know some of u think jake is a good cook but honestly i find nothing funnier than both of them being absolutely terrible (i mean jake actually might be good but he just doesn’t rly care about cooking and never tried to learn sooo)
    • but like ok one day amy is like this is ridiculous we need to know how to cook right so she suggests practicing sometime and jake is 100% sure it will end terribly (and that’s 100% of the reason he agrees) and while amy rly wants to make actually healthy meals jake convinces her they should start small and make like cookies
    • so one day they start like right after they get home from work and it seems so easy i mean everyone can make chocolate chip cookies right? no they cant they’re up until 3am trying to get it right and jake’s having the time of his life bc amy’s covered head to toe in random cookie ingredients and she’s adorable but amy is livid (which is also rly cute until she rips an oven mitt in half and then its terRIFYING)
    • anyway jake convinces her to try again somehow (ok he kissed her until she forgot what she was agreeing to) and its not as often as spa nights but its definitely a Thing now and they’ve made approximately 3 cookies that were almost good so like that’s progress right yes amy’s doing it bc of the progress not bc of how happy jake is every time no of course not
  • oops this got long quickly okay i’ll end on a short one so anyway nothing is sacred to these competitive nerds theyre constantly hiding random objects around their house i mean it started off innocently enough with jake just sticking a mug on top of the tv for the lols but then it turns into a full fledged war but its still casual until jake hides amy’s keys and she’s late to work bc now there are Rules and its all very intense and has caused several arguments
    • also one time it accidentally spread to the precinct and caused a slight epidemic that everyone is too scared to mention ever again

Satan the Bully

gif is not mine

Title: Satan the Bully

Characters: Lucifer x Reader, Gabriel

Word Count: 905

Warnings: Lucifer being a bully >:( and slight fluff

A/N: I have to admit, this one was hard to write. I’m not a bully and I don’t like to be rude at all, so forgive me if this lacks in the bullying department. Feedback is welcomed and appreciated! I love you all so much! *ALSO DON’T BE A BULLY. I WILL SEND LUCIFER HIMSELF AFTER YOU* This was also requested by an anon!

When you first found out that you were Lucifer’s soul mate, you were excited to say the least.  Those feelings quickly faded once you started to hang around Lucifer more often.  He was rude towards you since the day he met you.  He said hurtful things and never apologized once for them.  Sam and Dean were starting to get fed up with how Lucifer treated you.  They always made sure you were okay after a day of being with Lucifer.

Lately Lucifer had been getting worse about bullying you, but you were still willing to trying and be with Lucifer.  It wasn’t like you could leave him.  You loved him and you were sure he loved you.  There were still some things about being soul mates you weren’t sure of.

The fallen archangel leaned his back against the table, watching you read a book about witchcraft.  “That’s the wrong book [Y/N],” Lucifer noted, aggravation evident in his voice.  “Why can’t you do anything right?  How are you supposed to help Sam and Dean when you can’t even research the right book?”

Keep reading

“Oh! Well in that case, I can't really blame her.”

That post was long enough, so here’s a part two, of sorts. I just spilled a bunch of words everywhere about Viz’s dub of Episode 96, and if you haven’t read that post yet, I’d encourage doing that first.

As I mention there, I specifically watched that episode to screen it for Holligay. I thought an even better case could be made by the actual dialogue in the episode itself. So I transcribed all the pertinent scenes for her, and since I already have that done, I figured why not share it here as well?

Under the cut, then, is all the Viz dub dialogue for the shitty scenes in Episode 96 (and a little bit of commentary in places about the changes).

Keep reading

steven universe ask meme.

“Go for it, bro!”

 "Wow! Everything’s changing!“ 

"Who’s terrible idea was this?" 

"No… how long was I out?!”

 "You know I can’t handle it when you cry like that.“

 "Do you remember this place?" 

"I get mad at myself! It’s what I do!”

 "I’ll fight you, and show you how bad I am!“

 "You want to pretend that none of this ever happened. You think that I’m just a big mistake!”

“What’s a chicken?" 

"Oh! I get the joke now!" 

"You are an experience!" 

"You were the one good thing that came out of this mess. I always thought you were proud of that." 

“It’s too late! I don’t believe you anymore!”

“Isn’t it remarkable? This world is full of so many possibilities.”

“How are y’all doin’ tonight?”

“Yeah, I could rave to this.”

“Why do you look like that? Why are you so weak?”

“I don’t get what you’re planning, but look! Your base is taken! Your armies are ruined! You have failed!”

“STOP SINGING!”

“Looks like another waste of my time.”

“They kept you prisoner. They used you. This is your chance to take revenge! Come on… Just say yes.”

“You’re pointing that shield the wrong way. She’s the one you should be afraid of.”

“You can’t lie to me. I’ve seen what you’re capable of. I thought I was a brute, but you… you’re a monster.”

“It’ll be better this time. I’ve changed. You’ve changed me. I’m the only one who can handle your kind of power.”

“Please understand, if we lose, we’ll be killed. And if we win, we can never go home…”

“I thought… haven’t we… is this not how it works?”

“Who cares about how I feel? How you feel is bound to be much more interesting.”

“But you are supposed to change! You’re never the same, even moment to moment you’re allowed and expected to invent who you are.”

“Arrggh! Why do you keep destroying my things?!”

“Go ahead, wreck this place! See if I care, I already got what I needed!”

“You really think this is the end? HAHAHA! This… This is only the beginning! …Of my escape!”

“Oh my stars, you’re gonna harvest me?!”

“I’m gonna die here.”

“Yes! Feel my unbridled rage!”

“I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting!”

“I’ve grown accustomed to this place, and I could probably fix the hole that I made with my giant robot.”

“What’s the problem? You’re the one getting all the good stuff! You’ve got the propeller and paint cans on your side!”

“H-2-Oh my GOSH!”

“I carried you while you took a nap.”

“I… I thought violence would be the answer.”

“You have a lobster on your butt.”

“Yes, the children are playing swords. Sorry, playing with swords.  They are bleeding.  Oh no, they are dead. Don’t call again.  …Sorry, I panicked.”

“That’s a lie. Your middle name is cutie pie.”

“It was a maelstrom of destruction and death.”

“But I think you’re just mad ‘cause you’re single.”

“Love at first sight doesn’t exist. Love takes time, and love takes work. At the very least you have to know the other person… And you literally have no idea who or what I am.”

“Get open, get honest, invent yourselves together. That’s fusion.”

“I’m not as strong as you think. I-I fell apart over this…”

“You’ll know when I’m joking.”

“I blame the cows.”

“You don’t understand! Just leave me alone.”

“I just want to go home.”

“Let’s stay on this miserable planet, together!”

“I’m done being everyone’s prisoner! Now you’re MY prisoner! And I’m never letting you go!”

“Can’t you see? I can’t stop, not for a second.”

“For a moment, I really felt like things were different, but they’re not. No matter where I go, I’m trapped.”

“I really thought I would be living alone here.”

“Don’t put me in charge! Oh, sorry. I mean, y-you shouldn’t trust me with the boat.”

“Thanks, but I’m not putting that on my body.”

“What we had wasn’t healthy. I never want to feel like I felt with you. Never again! So just go!”

“I was terrible to you. I liked taking everything out on you. I needed to. I-I hated you. It was bad!”

“You can’t outrun me, we both have short legs!”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t forget: reckless, vulgar, loud-mouthed. That’s just what makes me so awesome!”

“In the ring, nobody can tell me what to do! And if they try, I HIT 'EM IN THE FACE WITH A CHAIR!”

“You can’t let anyone make you feel like garbage.”

“I swallowed a rock.”

“I’mma win a airplane!”

“Are you trying to kill him faster?”

“I can fit! Which way to the baby war?”

“Now we’re gonna bury you 'til you’ve learned your lesson!”

“I’m not gonna let you stand there and remind me about everything I hate about myself!”

“I never asked to be made!”

“I’m just an embarrassment to you!”

“Oh man! I think my favorite round thing was in there!”

“I need everyone’s constant approval! I need to loquaciously converse so I can show off how smart I am.”

“Humans should just stop wearing clothes… be a lot funnier.”

“If you’re trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it won’t work. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

“Homegirl knows we’re gonna beat her into a pancake.”

“You didn’t need me at all…”

“Care to explain what one of my swords was doing in your room?”

“We want to stop all wrestling everywhere! Are you going to let us destroy all wrestling? Eheheh.”

“Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time.”

“Is water just hydrogen and oxygen “mashed together”?”

“Well, that’s perfect, because I don’t want to go with grammatically incorrect people anyway.”

“You have to feel like yourself! Sweet and considerate, and only occasionally obnoxious!”

“Just today you were crying about snakes.”

“There are… different ways of being strong.”

“I’m so sorry… I almost got us killed..!”

“Humans just lead short, boring, insignificant lives, so they make up stories to feel like they’re a part of something bigger. They want to blame all the world’s problems on some single enemy they can fight, instead of a complex network of interrelated forces beyond anyone’s control.”

“I like to watch you sleep sometimes. And by sometimes, I mean often.”

“Everything I ever did, I did for her. And now she’s gone. But I’m still here.”

“That could have gone… a lot worse.”

“You always say you’ll be the crocodile, but you never commit!”

“Have the shirts come to life and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!”

“Do you understand that cartoon show?”

“I don’t get tired; I get results.”

“I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!”

“Look! I was right! My plan worked perfectly.”

“Oh, what’s 200 years between friends?”

“Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me!?”

“Confident and secure and complete… You’re perfect… You’re the perfect relationship… You’re always together… I just—I wanted to be a part of that…”

“We leave for one second and everything goes off the rails!”

“It’s fine, it’s fine, we’ll build it bigger, stronger, we’ll add SEATBELT!”

“Ah, sunset. My favorite time of the day… The sun goes down and the second sun gets bigger and bigger in the sky…”

“I can’t just start listening now, I’d be lost! Just like my pants…”

“THAT’S UNUSUAL!!”

“Will you help me into my Birthday Suit?!”

“Try to act like a rich duck.”

“Fire Salt! Burn! Burn people!”

“None of you are the handsome one! I’M the handsome one!”

“I’m gonna bring the ocean back… or get really thirsty trying.”

“I have to protect you, what if somehow you get hurt? What do I do? I don’t want that for you.”

“Pizza rain! …But no pizza clouds…”

“You gotta take this online quiz: “Which Crying Breakfast Friend Are You?”!”

“Are you insecure about your relationships and how you’re perceived by other people?”

“If you’re the one protecting me… Then who’s the one protecting you!?”

“Some day soon we may be fighting some really bad guys, and when that day comes, I wanna fight with you! Together! So please… Won’t you share this jam with me?”

“Wow! You’re so articulated!”

“Home’s been awful! Here’s been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time but– Everyone’s been acting awful too! It - It just came with us. I don’t understand! Is it… is it me..?”

“We found a seeeecret way to track you, and we’ll never tell you how even if you ask nicely. MYAH.”

“Awwww! You’re like… an angry little slice of pie!”

“Wait! I have a better idea that doesn’t involve destroying the house!”

“That isn’t a very sound business practice.”

“Sweet, two doughnuts! One for me and one… for… uh, me.”

“I thought this was a dance party. Why isn’t anyone else dancing.”

“I don’t wanna hear anything you say, unless it’s “sorry”.”

“You’re choosing to take it personally.”

“Can’t you see I’m completely engulfed with rage.”

“But we made him feel like it was his fault. I keep looking into the future, where all of this has been solved, as if it doesn’t matter how you feel in the present. No wonder… why you think I don’t care!”

“You honestly think I’m not upset about what happened? I just wanted to do the right thing…”

“This is… not what I saw! I don’t know what happened, I-”

“All I wanna look at is you.”

You’re walking in the woods
There’s no one around
And your phone is dead
Out of the corner of your eye you spot him
Ardyn Izunia

Running for your life
From Ardyn Izunia
He’s brandishing a knife
It’s Ardyn Izunia
Lurking in the shadows
Niflheim chancellor Ardyn Izunia
Living in the woods
Ardyn Izunia
Trolling for sport
Ardyn Izunia
Eating all the bodies
Actual, cannibal Ardyn Izunia.

3

Before we go on I just wanted to swing back to Amaterasu for a second because like. 

On the one hand I absolutely know that she is speaking to Kurogane (as if he were actually listening, which he probably can’t do right now). 

But on the other hand her speech is ABSOLUTELY 100% the kind of dialogue that characters have when they’re in a stage play. They just, walk on up there and announce who they are, where they came from, and why they’re here. 

AND I FIND IT WAY FUNNIER THAN ANYTHING IN THIS CHAPTER SHOULD EVER BE.