i find it so humorous

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Part 2 of Yoi but with bad writing and computer generated text to speech voices.

Part 1: Computer is the Future // Part 2: Viktor’s Lament // Part 3: Pip Pip Yurio

4

- - a life of recycled horror.

Code Yellow

A/N:  Thanks for the lovely ask! I thought this one would be easy to write, but it harder than I imagined. This time, my lovely writing friends jumped in with a ton of ideas on how to make the story realistic. Thank you, as always, my friends! ( @little-black-dress-24, @niallandharrymakemestrong, @melissas173, @emulateharry) I’m so appreciative that they let me hang out with them and that they share their honest opinions about my writing. They push me to be better every time. Go read their writing. You won’t be disappointed. 

I love my sister-in-law. Honestly, few people could have survived my Code Pink. Indeed, many had been ruthlessly eliminated from dating my brother early in the protocol. Plus, I’d been able to help Harry with his Code White when he was ready to propose to her. I’d heard all about the proposal once he decided she was The One, but honestly….she’s the best sister-in-law I could have asked for.

Whenever I’m bored or Michael is busy, I head over to my brother’s house, especially when he’s out of town on tour like he is now. My SIL and I get along as if we were born sisters. We laugh at the same things, and I love that she is always willing to listen to my stories about my cat or the latest piece I’m writing. Which is how I find myself at Harry’s house tonight. My little brother is out of tour with his second album; I think he’s somewhere in Asia tonight. Maybe Japan? Who knows? I can’t keep up with his schedule.

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C’est magnifique

Millennial humor is so fuckin skewed like I find 95% of standup comedy either offensive or tedious but do you want to know what I’ve been laughing at alone in my room for five minutes?

jungkook, Protect Jimin Movement Member™

anonymous asked:

Just out of curiosity, is there any books you recommend that have a similar humorous/ dark tone as VC?

Hey! Book reccs! Always a good topic.

It’s tough for me to answer bc I think it depends on every individual reader’s sense of humor,… even within “humorous/ dark tone as VC” there is a range*. So I can’t say definitively that these reccs are in line with what you’re looking for necessarily, but you can use this list as a starting point.

*Lestat dancing w/ Claudia’s mom’s corpse: Some ppl find this moment dark and hilarious and other ppl think it’s just disgusting, so… there is a range. Personally I find it pretty amusing.

(There are some duplicates on this list, sorry about that, but I wanted to list them by recc’er.) (And I added ** next to those that @gothiccharmschool​ just recc’d in two recent posts which I will reblog momentarily for you.)

In no special order:

  • (Okay this is the first one bc it IS special, and the closest to the humor of VC I’ve seen in awhile) This is a mockumentary/movie but it sneaks onto the top of the list bc it is just SO good, courtesy of @theamazingdrunk for reminding me in a comment on an older rec post:​ WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS
  • **Salem’s Lot - Stephen King, personally, I find several Stephen King books to be darkly humorous, this one is a good one. I find humor in the Shining and Firestarter, too, but less so. 
  • Vittorio - don’t forget Vittorio. Not sure if you read this one. It’s also by Anne Rice and technically not a VC book, he has a different origin story and is not part of the VC vampire group.
  • Some short stories - @soyonscruels​ posted: those who dream only by night: the gothic short stories rec list - Not full-length books but still, short stories are good! There are 20 short stories listed, writers include @neil-gaiman​, Roald Dahl, Oscar Wilde, Edgar Allan Poe, each of whom I’ve found to have some level of humor along w/ dark tones.
  • More E. A. Poe is offered up here, from @keep-calm-and-heta-oni​, which includes little capsules about each.
  • @consultingcupcake​ said: “I really love the Cirque du Freak series, and **Lost Souls by Poppy Z Brite. Both have teenage protagonists
  • @fantasticfelicityfox​ said: The Historian is very good
  • @stitcheskitty​ said: Sookie Stackhouse novels
  • Movie and book (and a few anime) Recommendations here.
  • @riverofwhispers said: Carmilla is good
    Anita Blake and Sookie Stackhouse books, but only the early ones.
    the Rachel Morgan series but again starts out good gets weird later and it’s not about vampires so much as there are vampires in it.
  • @bluestockingcouture said: ‘The Angel’s Cut’, sequel to ‘The Vintner’s Luck’, is very atmospheric and well worth reading. Not quite as moving and intense, but there are some excellent new characters.
  • @sanguinivora said: Also, as to voice: IWTV opens in the late 1700’s/early 1800’s. Don’t know about either a southern American or French hinterlands-with-a-gloss-of-Parisian dialect, but for the grammar and vocabulary, one cannot go too far wrong looking to the novels of Jane Austen and Patrick O'Brian.
  • @dragontrainerdaenerys said: I just read Fevre Dream, George R.R Martin’s own vampire novel, and while I didn’t liked much his vampire mythology the main characters are charming! Besides, it’s set on the late 18XX and goes on the Mississipi River, so it has similar scenarios to IWTV!
  • @baroquebat said: Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust, while futuristic, has a loooot of lovely gothic set pieces in the anime movie, plus its just gorgeous and has the rare treat of having a dhampir lead!

@annabellioncourt’s Recs, and these are mostly her descriptions, too, compiled from other recc posts:

  • The Bloody Chamber And Other Stories - Angela Carter
  • Carmilla - Bunch of adaptations of this.
  • A Taste of Blood Wine -  Freda Warrinton, for romance and decadence.
  • **Blood Opera Sequence (or “Trilogy”?) -  Tanith Lee’s vampire series was out when Lestat was playing rockstar
  • Historian - Elizabeth Kostova, for its worldliness
  • **Fevre Dream (yes its spelled fevre) by George R. R. Martin (yes, its THAT Martin, and his take on vampires is Very Good.)
  • Sunshine by Robin McKinley
  • **The Delicate Dependency by Michael Talbot, also for romance and decadence. (the recently-published edition from Valancourt Books has a foreword by @gothiccharmschool!)
  • The Hunger by Whitley Scriber
  • **Dracula - Bram Stoker, for its stereotype-setting content
  • Lord Ruthven - Byronic vampire, Lestat doesn’t catch the irony of John Polidori’s mockery of the foppish, arrogant, and well…Lord-Byron-y vampire

>>>>Moar recs from @annabellioncourt​ under Spooky Book Recommendations

>>>>Moar recs from @gothiccharmschool: herehere, and in her #vampire books and #vampire novels tags. 

>>>>My #VC adjacent recs tag

Anyone is welcome to reblog/comment on this with other VC-adjacent book recs! 

@hyperbeeb (<– is very well-read and took one for the team to read Blood Vivicanti!), @gothiccharmschool, @fyeahgothicromance, @thebibliosphere, (@annabellioncourt, too, but you are technically off the hook as I’ve already posted your recs!), got any recs for books w/ similar humorous/ dark tone as VC? 

oncegilded  asked:

For Riggs- ❛ I’d just like to ask you one question. Did you do it on purpose? ❜

@oncegilded

movie starters vol.7 | still accepting.

He doesn’t sleep often, though he reckons most don’t THESE DAYS. Nevertheless, even Riggs is aware of his limitations - and sometimes a little rest is mandatory. It’s restless; always is, and it doesn’t help that he can practically feel the unresolved tension between the two of them. So it’s minimal, and he spends more time pretending not to WONDER what it is she’s trying not to say. Sometimes actions, or physical queues, speak louder than words…

Twenty-two minutes is LONG ENOUGH, and he comes around with a huff and grunt. Shooting up from the small spot he’d made his own, he’s quick to draw squinted eyes in her direction.  ❝ - if ya got something to say, then just fucking SAY it. ❞ And she does.

A few unexpected blinks, because honestly he didn’t expect her to just come right out and say it - no fight or nothing. And then he LAUGHS. A hand runs across his face, rubbing heavy eyes and dry skin.  ❝ —- ah, jesus. ❞ It was laced with deflecting humor, but he manages to settle himself down and face her. Nothing tickled in her expression, and while he could have ended this conversation by blatantly IGNORING her -he at least gave her something.

❝ Does it matter? You’re alive. I’m alive what happened, HAPPENED. I think the results speak for themselves… ❞ He doesn’t leave much room for comeback before he’s up on his feet, offering a less sincere wink before trudging off with the excuse that he ‘needed to piss’. He’s not going to tell her, but he won’t COVER HIS TRACKS either. As unpredictable ( and unstable ) as he may be, Riggs rarely reacts without purpose…

Shitty things that need to stop within the ARMY fandom
  • Rap mon’s “fake deep posts” (x)

Nothing much here other than yall need to grow the fuck up and learn that whenever someone shares their worries and troubles and in general expresses themselves you don’t turn it into a fucking meme. I don’t care if you don’t understand what he posts, you still respect it. You are mocking him for how he feels and that is NOT cool

  • Jungkook is a “fuckboy”

I don’t care how you define the word, most definitions are still not something you should be calling the kid. And idk if you knew this, but the connotation for the word is not good, so then explain why you’re so willing to call Kookie it? (you know the shy, adorable, geeky, newly turned eighteen year old who yall LOVE to assume is a sex god in bed?)

  • Jimin “has no jams”

The joke is over. And if anyone still keeps bringing it up over every little thing Jimin does, you need help. Jimin sings on a radio show? “you got no jams”. Jimin dances in a bomb? “you got no jams”. Jimin plays around with the members? “you got no jams”. Jimin does ageyo even though he’s expressed he’s not good at it? “you got no jams”. Like fuck, stop discrediting him for everything he does.

  • V is an alien/4D (x)

I shouldn’t even be talking about this one because it’s been said by TAEHYUNG HIMSELF that he does not like being called an alien or 4D. Even the members have said at one point or another that it’s all a concept. To brush Tae off as just this weird dude “who comes from another planet” and is some “oddball whose head is in the clouds” is incredibly rude. Tae is a guy that the members all go to to unload their stress and troubles which means he gives good ass advice and HELPS them, Tae is a guy that Namjoon has acknowledged as perceptive and smart, Tae is a guy who has a lot more to him than his occasional moments where he simply lets loose and acts his age

  • Hoseok’s not a rapper (x)

This shouldn’t be on the list either because of how dumb it is. It’s high time for everyone to start truly acknowledging that Hobi is a rapper and a damn good one at that, not JUST an extremely talented dancer. To say that he is only good at dance is so insensitive to all the hardwork he’s put into rapping. And it’s quite obvious people do not bother to acknowledge this when literally no one is harping about HIS mixtape that he’s been working on for quite some time now

  • Pressuring Yoongi about his mixtape

I get yall are excited for Yoongi’s mixtape, I am too. But fuck, to CONSTANTLY be saying “where is it” “why you lyin” “impatiently waiting for Yoongi’s mixtape LOLZ” “where’s the fire” “WHERE. IS. IT” “stop playing us” LIKE GOD FUCKING DAMN. Give him some fucking breathing room. Yoongi already carries a lot of the brunt of helping produce and write for their albums, not to mention ALL the concerts they’ve had this year, and oh I don’t know the very well-known fact that Yoongi SLEEP DEPRIVES himself in order to get things done, and perfect things, and all that other shit. And then yall wanna come stampeding in demanding where his mixtape is? Why are you guys so intent on adding extra stress on top of him? You think he isn’t working incredibly hard on it? How about instead of pressuring him, you go— hey take your time do what you need to do we’ll wait.

  • Fake appreciating Jin

As horrible as it sounds, this is very much relevant and true AF. I just find it so humorous how people are SO quick to reblog stuff about appreciating Jin and all that other shit, but when Jin goes and does things people are automatically ignoring it or asking where the other members are. Let’s not forget that on Eat Jin people are constantly asking him, JIN, where are the other members, ON HIS FUCKING SHOW. If that doesn’t scream that people don’t really care for Jin or at the very least don’t have the decency to appreciate him doing shit on his own I don’t know what does.

  • Jungkook hates Jimin/Jimin deserves better (x) (x) (x)

This one is pretty clean cut. Stop using the actions of a fifteen year old as your justification. Actually stop JUDGING the actions of a FIFTEEN year old (seriously if you have to dig back two years ago for dirt you’re obviously just tripping) Point blank, Kookie has shown time over again how much he adores Jimin and how he sees Jimin, as well as ALL of Bangtan, as a brother. Yall are wrongly influencing newer fans and I hope you’re proud that you’ve managed to make people genuinely hate Kookie for stupid shit he did when he was fifteen. Just fuck. Are you guys really desperate for there to be a riff among the members or for the members to not like each other? With the way you guys nitpick everything it’s like you’re searching for something to discredit the bond between BTS.

  • Taking ships too far

Stop hating on members or bashing a member’s relationship with another just because it “goes against” your personal ship.  Is Jimin giving attention to Jungkook and you start being bitter by saying “he deserves better and should be with Yoongi”? Get a reality check. Is Taehyung standing next to Hobi when he “should be standing next to his boyfriend Jungkook”? Get a FUCKING reality check.

  • Finally, stop sexualizing every possible thing Bangtan does under the sun

Can I please go through my dash ONCE without seeing Jungkook posing in a selfie and then have tags saying “oh he knows he’s hot that rude shit ugh fuck me”. Or can I PLEASE watch a bangtan bomb without someone saying “I see your nipples omfg so sexy take off your shirt, that bulge though omg he’s probably so big fuck me”. Or better yet, forget me. Can BANGTAN SONYEONDAN post something on twitter without the crazy fans saying something irrelevant and chanting kiss me, fuck me, oppa I want you, blah blah ICK.

Defiled

A short Chrobin ficlet (~600 words), based on the idea of Grima-possessed Robin and Risen King Chrom (because @g-r-i-m-a​ keeps reminding me that Risen King Chrom exists)

(Trigger warning - blood)


I pause, and look at him across the battlefield. Powerful and changed, morphed into something I hadn’t ever expected or intended. Beautiful and fierce, scarlet eyes hungering and agonized in turn. He kills for me, but also for himself. 

In another life we could be together as we are meant to be. Exalted king and grandmaster tactician, each complementing the other’s faults. Where one might be too hot-headed, the other too cautious. But we are here instead - god, and risen king - almost immortal, or damned, depending on who regards us. Still balancing each other out. 

It was I who changed first. I who killed him, who brought him back with the dark arts I scarcely knew. I who thought, with a careless abandon that surprised another part of me, What would this life be without him? So I defied death and brought him back. Changed. The light reflected between our eyes as he took up his blade. It cracked and splintered, and ultimately was defiled. I do not like to look too closely into the blade’s new form, seeing the eye stare upon me in condemnation. 

I am too careless again, lost in the ferocious sight of the only person I have ever loved. I get too close to the fiercest fighters, the strongest opposition, and they strike at me. 

I let the bloodlust bubbling up from within take over, then. And when I come away from the fight, having defeated one of our dearest companions, I laugh at the scarlet blood pouring from my shoulder, where the purple fabric is slashed and I am bared past the skin. I am oddly surprised that my blood still runs red, rather than black. 

I laugh, surrounded by this army which he leads in my name, and then he is there. He is fiercest when he notices the wound, activating some part of the bond between us which used to guide us to protect and defend one another. I don’t need his protection, but I accept it. We fight side by side as we used to, and I laugh. He is silent, much of that gentle innocence peeled away. Before, it was I who would be quiet as I assessed the enemy’s position like pieces on a chessboard, and he would be vocal, grunting and shouting as he fought with all his strength to remain close by.

The brand of defile on my hand glows as I reach out to his cold, metal-plated arm. He doesn’t look at me - he’s still on guard, even though it was a rout, and the pitiful fools who dare to oppose us are retreating. 

“Chrom,” I say, when the battle is done. My wound is already healing, but he sheathes his sword and looks it over, as he used to do. We fall into our old patterns sometimes. When I cannot sleep at night, I will sometimes call him into my tent, and we will look over the maps together. He looks up at me there on the battlefield, his gloved hands lingering for just a moment too long on my arm.

“Robin,” he says. He refuses to call me by my true name, and I indulge him in it. He almost seems as if he will say more, say something else, but we have already said everything that could be said, and anything more is redundancy.

I find myself ready to speak, though, to answer or respond, or echo words that have long since lost their meaning, defiled like the rest.

Then he turns away.

In the chill I feel at his departure, I laugh, a dry dark chuckle, finding nothing so humorous as his continued devotion to me. And if there is a tear that leaks from my eye, it goes unnoticed. I refuse to admit that deep down… I am still as devoted to him as I have ever been.

EXO’s Reaction to You Walking Funny After Rough Sex

Here you are, rapunzelmw! I enjoy how you feel the need to elaborate on the “long nights.” Especially classifying it as “doing the do.” Very classy! xD

And to all other readers: Though it should be pretty obvious based on the title, be warned that there is nearly nonexistent implied smut in the following post. ;)


Baekhyun: Baekhyun wouldn’t even care that it was partially his fault. For as long as the awkward movements in your step would last, he wouldn’t let you go anywhere without laughing his ass off. “I’m sorry, Jagi-ya! You just look so hilarious!”

Chanyeol: Chanyeol would be a little concerned at first, asking you if you were feeling okay. When you bashfully told him that the night before must have been too much for you, he wouldn’t be able to stop his laughter, finding it all quite humorous. “hahah Wait, so I did that?”

Chen: Chen would immediately notice the odd hobble in your step and he’d ask if you’d somehow hurt your leg. You’d wheel your body around to glare at him, claiming it was “his damn fault” you couldn’t walk properly. It would take him just a second to figure out exactly what you meant, after which he would burst into laughter, secretly proud of himself. “And here I was, thinking you’d injured yourself! But, it’s obviously just because of my prowess in bed.”

D.O: Kyungsoo would be likely to get a little flustered. He definitely hadn’t meant for things to get so out of control the night before, but he just wasn’t able to help himself. He’d be quite apologetic about it all, trying to figure out if there was anything he could do to make you feel better.

Kai: Kai would be another one to get a wee bit flustered when you told him that it was his fault. He’d try to cover his embarrassment with a laugh and he’d wrap his arms around you in a comforting hug. “I’m sorry, Jagi-ya. I’ll try to be more gentle next time.”

Kris: Kris would find your walk amusing, but when you tried to complain that he had been too rough with you the night before, he’d quirk the corners of his lips upwards, into a smirk. “Oh, Y/N, last night was nothing. C'mon, let’s have another go at it, I’ll show you what rough really is.”

Lay: Lay would completely miss the main point when you decided to show him the results of your night together. The moment you brought up your rough night together, his mind would be lost. “You wanna go for another round? I’ll see if I can make it better.”

Luhan: Luhan wouldn’t seem at all affected by the fact that you were totally blaming him for the odd sensation you felt when you walked. You’d strut in front of him, pointing out your odd steps, and a proud smile would take over his face. “That must just be because I’m too damn manly.”

Sehun: Sehun’s pride would absolutely shine through when you told him that the little waddle that was evident in your step was from him being too rough the night before. He’d smirk and hold his chin up high. “It’s not my fault you’re having trouble handling a night with Oh Sehun.”

Suho: Suho would actually find it to be a major turn on that his actions the night before had such an effect on you. He’d stare at you with lustful eyes and offer you a massage to make you feel better, secretly hoping that it would escalate into something further.

Tao: Tao would be a cocky, little shit about it all. He’d just send a prideful smirk your way when you said it was his fault and give his head a small shake. “You’re the one who said you wanted it rough, Y/N. This is the price that you have to pay.”

Xiumin: Xiumin wouldn’t need you to tell him what was wrong. He’d know the moment he saw you walking with an odd limp in your step. He’d apologize with a smirk and a shrug of his shoulders, clearly not regretting anything from the night before. “Oh, I was too rough last night? Sorry, Jagi-ya!”

NO ONE KNOWS

NO ONE ACTUALLY KNOWS ANAKIN AND PADME ARE MARRIED.

Yeah, but they ~know~. No. No they don’t. Because you know what? It’s impossible to know someone is married unless they tell you. If you wear a wedding ring, you are telling people. If you refer to your husband or wife, you are telling people. If you change your name. We invent cultural signifiers because otherwise NO ONE KNOWS.

And I know that it’s a joke or whatever in fandom, but it’s actually nails on the chalkboard to me because it misses the point so desperately about why Anakin is in trouble if he gets caught and why he gets away with it for so long. Everyone can know that he and Padme are hooking up. Everyone can suspect that he is in love. But the moment they know he is married, they know he has violated all of his vows to the Jedi Order in a deliberate and conscious way. He and Padme didn’t have to get married. They could have conducted a four year affair and been entirely above board as far as the Jedi Order is concerned. But the act of committing themselves to each other, promising a future that Anakin technically does not have to give, was too important to both of them.

And if everyone ~knows~, they being are unintentionally faithless dicks. I’m sorry, but they are. Obi-Wan loves Anakin enough that he can pretend that nothing untoward is going on, but when literally every other Jedi character ~knows~ it means they don’t give a shit about their own doctrine. Sure, they impose it on people and cause grief to everyone struggling with it, but you know. It doesn’t actually matter.

Again. I get that this is a joke. I just don’t like it. I will go back to having a sense of humor soon, I promise.