i felt that this was important

5

HERE IS WHAT I AM HERE FOR/HOPE TO BE HERE FOR:

Luke connecting these stories in a narrative parallel/cycle, because the nature of Star Wars has always been something of a cyclical one.

The story of a teacher who felt he failed his student (combining Obi-Wan and Yoda together a bit for this, but Luke’s connection is to both of them so it follows), reluctant to train a second one because of that failure.

The next student needing a teacher, telling them that I won’t fail you, showing us that the last student failed the teacher.

Give me Rey following in Luke’s footsteps.  Show that the student failed the teacher in really important ways.  And the second student will rise together with the teacher again.

“How could you not tell me?”

“I saw no reason to trouble your mind,” the antagonist said.  “You have much more important things to think about - you are young. Live, love, dance. This is not something that you need to have concerned yourself with.”

“I would have liked to know. It does, you know, concern me.”

The antagonist frowned. “Don’t you trust me?” 

“Don’t you trust me?” the protagonist growled. “You should have told me.” 

“See, this is why I felt it better not to tell you, if you cannot hope to keep a cool head in a simple adult conversation. This has clearly been too distressing for you.” 

The Game (Ethan Dolan)

part four

part one, part two, part three

Inspiration: Eyes Closed by Halsey

(this is really important to the part, some lyrics will be in italics)

Warning: If you are triggered easily, please don’t read.

Originally posted by dolansdolansdolans

Originally posted by danglydolan

I felt my heart racing. Grayson was about to kiss me. I could feel his breath hitting my face as he got closer to me. His lips were practically on mine.

“Grayson wait.” I said putting my hands on his chest.

Grayson pulled away rubbing his neck awkwardly.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have..” Grayson started but I quickly cut him off.

“No, G don’t apologize. I just need time to think about all of this.” I said crossing my arms over my chest.

“I don’t mind waiting.” Grayson said pulling me in to another hug.

I really didn’t deserve him.

“call me later okay?” Grayson asked.

“I will.” I said giving him a half smile.

Grayson walked out of my apartment leaving me alone with my thoughts. As soon as I closed the door I let it out. I grabbed the nearest pillow screaming as loud as I could. Grayson really did know everything about me. He’s seen all my quirks and he’s been with me on the worst days and he still says he’s in love with me? Grayson was perfect for me, I knew that. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about Ethan though? I walked over re-reading some of his previous messages.

Ethan: please just meet me somewhere so we can talk?

Ethan: I’m begging you.

Ethan: I know you hate me but just give me a chance.

Ethan: I don’t want to lose you.

Ethan: I will do anything for you to please just talk to me.

Ethan: I’ve called 32 times and this is the 9th message I have sent you, I didn’t expect you to answer.

I don’t know why but I messaged him back.

: I don’t know why I’m agreeing to this but fine, we can meet so you can try to talk yourself out of this.

I stared at my phone waiting for Ethan to text back. I must have sat there for an hour just staring and waiting. Finally my phone dinged with a message from him.

Ethan: It’s cool, I have nothing to say.

I stared at his message, angry tears streaming down my face. He was begging me to talk to him and now he has nothing to say?

: are you serious right now Ethan? You were the one begging to talk to me and now you have nothing to say?

: you said you were sorry, but apologies mean nothing if you keep doing what you’re sorry for.

: I wish I could go back to the day I met you and just walk away. Because honestly, it would’ve saved me so much hurt and pain.

I held myself together as I cried on the couch. I hated him. I hated him so much. I hated him because I have to wonder why I wasn’t enough. I hated him because I still repeat the things he said to me in my head. I hated him because he learned my secrets, my scars, my bruises, my flaws, and then he left. I hated him because he knew I was fragile and dropped me anyways. I hated him because while I was full of love, he was simply full of shit. Above everything, I hated how I didn’t hate him, not even a little bit, not even at all.

“Grayson, can you come over?” I said into the phone.

“I was really hoping you would call, I’ll be right over.” Grayson said.

“see you soon.” I said hanging up.

I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t want to lead Grayson on, but I needed to fill this black hole that Ethan left. I needed to feel something, anything. In just a short amount of time there was a knock on my door. I opened the door to see Grayson standing there with a single rose.

“I’m glad you called.” Grayson said smiling.

I gave him a forced smile stepping aside so he could come in. Grayson walked over putting the flower in a cup of water. I stood there staring at him.

“what do you want to do?” Grayson asked putting the cup with the flower on my window sill.

“Grayson, kiss me.” I said.

Grayson turned around giving me a look. He obeyed though, making quick strides to where I was standing. He cupped my cheek with his large hand before crashing his lips on mine. I kissed him back making him smile in to the kiss. I feel bad, but I didn’t feel the same kissing Grayson as I did kissing Ethan. Grayson pulled away from the kiss smiling down at me.

“you are so beautiful. You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do that.” He said kissing my nose.

I didn’t say anything, just hugged him.

“let’s watch a movie.” Grayson said pulling me over to the couch.

I slowly nodded my head. Grayson picked out a movie and sat down on the couch cuddling me to his chest. I looked up at Grayson. He looked like Ethan but their features were so different at the same time. He stared at the screen with a smile on his face. I felt horrible for doing this to Grayson.

“the movie is on the screen babe not on my face.” Grayson said looking at me.

babe didn’t sound the same coming out of his mouth.

“sorry.” I said turning towards the television.

“I was only joking, I think it’s cute that you’re staring at me.

I disgusted myself. I looked at him but all I saw was Ethan.

now if I keep my eyes closed he looks just like you

now if I keep my eyes closed he feels just like you

Grayson turned off the movie halfway through.

"you know we need to talk about all of this right?” He said turning to face me.

He was immediately alerted as he saw the tears falling down my cheeks.

“talk to me.” Grayson said wiping a tear from my cheek.

I hated myself. I had an opportunity here with Grayson but I couldn’t think about anything other then what I lost with Ethan.

would’ve gave it all for you, cared for you.

so tell me where I went wrong.

would’ve traded it all for you, been there for you.

so tell me how to move on.

“I hate myself Grayson.” I said through the sobs that racked my body.

Grayson pulled me in to a tight hug as I sobbed.

“why do you hate yourself?” Grayson asked stroking a hand through my hair.

he don’t realize that I’m thinking about you.

It’s nothing new, it’s nothing new.

“I hate myself so much.” I sobbed.

Grayson slowly pulled away from me standing up.

“you love him don’t you.” Grayson said a single tear slipping out of his eye.

“I don’t want to love him Grayson, I really don’t.” I said standing up to face Grayson.

“but you do, tell me the damn truth, you at least owe me that much.” Grayson said balling his fists.

“Grayson, I love him.” I whispered.

Grayson was silent.

“wow, you’re even more stupid than I thought.” Grayson said walking away.

ouch, that hurt.

“G please, I don’t want to lose you.” I said running after him.

Grayson turned around and I saw just how bad I hurt him. He had tears forming in his brown orbs.

“well you should of thought about that before you lied to me, before you let me make a fool of myself.” Grayson said shaking his head at me.

“G please don’t do this.” I said trying everything I could to save this friendship.

“maybe you and Ethan deserve each other, cause you’re both incredibly selfish.” Grayson said turning away from me.

“G please you’re all I have left.” I begged.

He stopped in his tracks.

“not anymore, let me know when you stop obsessing over someone who doesn’t even love you.” Grayson said walking out and slamming the door.

I broke down on the floor sobbing. I had no one to blame but myself. I chose to take part in Ethan’s little game. I chose to continue it letting myself fall for his act. I chose to pour my heart out to Ethan and now I was just empty. I walked over to the couch dialing his number. He didn’t answer, I didn’t expect him too.

“Grayson hates me now, but I don’t blame him cause right now I kind of hate me too. I know that you’re no good for me, but it’s worse without you, even when I try not to want you I end up needing you. You’re my favorite joy yet my endless pain. I tried to hate you but the only thing I hate is how much I love you. I acted like it wasn’t a big deal but you ruined me, and now I don’t see a point in trying to put myself back together. You left without a goodbye so here is mine.” I said hanging up the phone.

ETHAN POINT OF VIEW

It’s just too late. she doesn’t need you anymore. and she no longer misses you. and it’s all because you didn’t make her a priority. you took for granted that she would be there, waiting for you to serve her the scraps of your time. It’s funny actually while she waited for you to realize what you had, she finally realized that she didn’t need what you were offering. I heard the door to our apartment open making me aware. I saw Grayson walking in. He looked up noticing me standing there. He was staring at the bruises he left on my face. I glared at him, not because I was angry at him, but because I couldn’t be him. He walked past me bumping me in the shoulder.

“you probably should put some ice on your face.” He said walking in to his room slamming the door shut.

I went back to my room punching the punching bag as hard as I could. I just sat there punching the bag until my knuckles were bruised and bloody. I took a break taking a long drink of water. I hated feeling this way, this was simply why I didn’t feel. I picked up my phone which was flashing signifying I had a message. I opened it not expecting it to be her.

Y/N: I don’t know why I’m agreeing to this but fine, we can meet so you can try to talk yourself out of this.

I was going to tell her I loved her. I couldn’t say it now, not after what I saw happening between her and Grayson.

: It’s cool, I have nothing to say.

that wasn’t true. I had a lot to say but I was too scared to say any of it. She quickly replied to me.

Y/N: are you serious right now Ethan? You were the one begging to talk to me and now you have nothing to say?

Y/N: you said you were sorry, but apologies mean nothing if you keep doing what you’re sorry for.

Y/N: I wish I could go back to the day I met you and just walk away. Because honestly, it would’ve saved me so much hurt and pain.

I couldn’t reply. I heard the apartment door open and slam shut again. Grayson was going to comfort her no doubt, but I can’t help thinking how much that should be me. I know I messed up, I have nobody to blame but myself. I chose to start this knowing very well I had a girlfriend. I chose to continue to fall in love with her. I chose to kiss Allison the night of the party. I have no one to blame but myself. I walked over the punching bag releasing my anger on it. I didn’t care that my hands were bruised, bloodied, and swollen. Grayson wasn’t the only one with pent up anger.

“fuck!” I screamed punching the bag harder.

I ran a hand through my hair collapsing on the floor. I didn’t want to hurt anymore. I didn’t want to feel anymore. I didn’t know how long I sat there trying to turn off the feelings.

“ETHAN!” Grayson’s voice rang throughout our apartment.

I walked out of my room seeing Grayson with angry tears coming from his eyes.

“you just have to keep ruining everything, you ruin things without even trying.” He said balling his fists.

“what are you talking about?” I asked confused.

“I’m better for her, I’m what she needs, but her dumbass is still in love with you.” Grayson growled.

“wait really?” I asked more hopeful than I was trying to be.

“you’re ridiculous you know you’re no good for her.” Grayson said getting in my face.

“and you just can’t fathom the fact that she doesn’t want you.” I said getting back in his face.

Grayson raised his fist ready to punch me but this time I punched him. He fell backwards clenching his nose from how hard I hit him.

“you just can’t fathom that I screwed up but she still wants me. you know Grayson you aren’t as perfect as you think you are underneath it all you’re flawed just like I am.” I said walking away leaving Grayson alone.

I walked in to my room clenching my hand which was now hurting. I saw my phone blinking in the corner. I walked over grabbing it seeing I had one missed call and a voicemail from Y/N. I listened to her voice come through my speakers, she sounded broken.

“Grayson hates me now, but I don’t blame him cause right now I kind of hate me too. I know that you’re no good for me, but it’s worse without you, even when I try not to want you I end up needing you. You’re my favorite joy yet my endless pain. I tried to hate you but the only thing I hate is how much I love you. I acted like it wasn’t a big deal but you ruined me, and now I don’t see a point in trying to put myself back together. You left without a goodbye so here is mine. Goodbye Ethan.”

the last sentence got me immediately alarmed. I ran out of my room straight in to Grayson’s.

“what the hell do you want?” He growled wiping his bloody.

“I think Y/N is going to hurt herself.” I said feeling tears fall from my eyes.

Grayson quickly dropped his phone giving me a shocked look.

“what the hell are we waiting for then.” Grayson said pushing past me.

Grayson and I ran out to the car. Grayson drove because I was shaking too much. I dialed her number but it went straight to voicemail.

“come on babe please answer.” I begged in to the phone.

I couldn’t lose her, not before I got to say how I really felt.

uh so yeah I’m just going to leave you all here for now, enjoy!

i am so in love: a book rec

i know i’m a couple years late to this book, but i’ve just finished The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley and i am so in love. just wow. what an absolutely lovely book. i find myself a bit speechless about it honestly. i don’t want to try and summarize it because in the face of this now beloved story, i feel like anything i say will be clumsy and clunky and won’t do it any justice at all. plus, i went into this book blind so everything about it was a surprise and i kind of want that experience for those of you who don’t know anything about it too.

it is subtle and funny and it felt very lovingly made to me. also, it is so fucking clever??? every sentence has a purpose; even the ones you think are just describing scenery are important later in the story. which!!! given what the plot is about, it makes absolute sense that it was written this way. but an upside to this was that the way it was written (and can i again just state how SUBTLE the writing is uuuggghhh), made it possible for what seemed like a throwaway line at the beginning when the two main characters first meet, to be the set up for the emotional climax at the end of the story where one character utters one solitary word and it is the most romantic goddamned thing i have ever heard what the fuck (i have to yell about this moment so spoilers under the cut for me yelling about it)

just. go read this lovely book. what an absolute delight. probably my favorite book i’ve read all year. which is why i’m gonna go ahead and read it again right now immediately.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Keep reading

3

“I know how much your name means to you, and I would never expect you to change it. The Lindstrom name has too much of a legacy to it! But honestly, I’ve never felt that same attachment to my name.

“Plus, I don’t know, I just think it’s important for our future kids to feel like we’re all a part of the same family.”

“I’d…I’d like that too, Albie. I think that’s a great idea.”

anonymous asked:

Let's see a cuddle-starved Honebami (Kiwame), Oodenta, Tonbo, and Azuki. (They’re all in relationships.)

Wasn’t sure how I wanted to write it but hope this is enjoyable anyway.

Honebami
• “Please… come closer.”
• He’ll embarrass himself a little, quietly requesting your presence and hesitantly wrapping his arms around you if you’ll let him and he won’t want to let go.

Oodenta
• “You’re important to me.”
• He’s convinced he’d trouble you by just cuddling you up usually despite wanting you, he’d wait until you’re asleep to hold you to him desperately.

Tonbokiri
• “Ah- I’m sorry it just felt right.”
• He’s just overcome one day with how much he wants to hold you, he’d pull you against him and hold you firmly before getting embarrassed and apologising for startling you.

Azuki
• “Can we stay like this?”
• Since getting used to affection and especially how much he enjoys holding you, when he really couldn’t hold it back anymore and will hug you from behind, only letting go if you tell him to.

anonymous asked:

For years I identified as agender and it felt right. This year, I started focusing on my career goals in an industry where people are super critical and gender is important to them for some reason, so I started trying to fit more of my agab. I started dating someone, and when I tried to explain to them nb genders and my total lack of a gender, they literally laughed in my face, and it killed me a little and now idk my gender. Would it be bad to go back to identifying as my agab?

to me, it sounds like that person is denying an entire part of your identity and being, and you feel forced into identifying with your AGAB. 

that, to me, does not sound like a good reason to go back to start identifying as your AGAB.

also, it sounds like you have a career path you want to pursue, and being closeted might make it easier for you to excel in that field. 

so, here’s the feedback: if you feel that it is for your own best AND THAT YOU WANT TO and it will benefit you in the long run to start reidentifying (idk how much of it is really a choice, though) with your AGAB, do it. but be aware it could make you feel a lot worse, because for me, me being nonbinary wasn’t a choice, and so i didn’t have the ability to go back to *TRULY* identifying as my AGAB. i could identify as my AGAB, but i would be bottling up a whole lot of feelings and parts of me that i don’t want to bottle up (and it would be difficult because i’m out lol). i’m not sure if this is the case for you. either way, it could be better just to be closeted instead of pressing down your identity and pretending to be something you are not. like, unless you can somehow magically become cis, it might be unhealthy for you to force yourself to identify as such. 

overall, it wouldn’t be *bad*. it might just be painful and make things worse, and you could be doing it for the wrong reasons, but I also do NOT know your situation in detail, and going back into the closet (and not denying your gender, but perhaps keeping it on the DL) could be the best thing for you right now. in the future, that could change. 

-mod tabby 

anonymous asked:

I want to come out, but my parents are Roman Catholics and have openly spoken about homosexuality being wrong. I don’t feel myself. I never have and I didn’t know why until I met her. She was the first girl I had ever felt love for.

i’m sorry honey :( tbh if you aren’t in a situation where you’re safe to come out then i would advise against it. your safety is more important than anything and it’s important to remember that even if you aren’t out you aren’t living a lie. you are who you are despite who knows it and nothing will ever change that. and if you want, you can always come out to your internet mom (me!!) <3

anonymous asked:

This blog makes me feel so happy because before I️ learned about pansexuality I️ had a stint of time where I️ called myself bi, but it never felt right. I️ would take minutes just trying to say the words “I️ am bi” and it never felt completely right. From the moment I️ learned I️ am pansexual I️ could scream it from rooftops and I️ feel like I️ finally learned my place and so much about myself. Thank you for having a blog that shows me these thoughts weren’t just my own. I️ really appreciate it

messages like this one make me really happy I decided to make this blog. y’all deserve to know there’s a whole community of people who share your identity and feel the way you do. y’all deserve to know you and you’re identity valid and important. y’all deserve to have the terminology to match your feelings. y’all deserve to know you aren’t alone.

anonymous asked:

I’m 24, I recently started dating women when I felt that men were not giving me enough emotional support in this political climate; that I started to fear men due to their inherit entitlement. I love dating women, I feel a connection with all women but I don’t feel an urge to have sex with them like I did with men. I feel no connection with men, but can find a meaningless urge for sex. On the other hand, I feel an important connection with women but lack sex for them. Why is that? What am I?

Hi!

To me, you sound like a straight women who grew disappointed with the way men behave. I say this for a couple of reasons, but I obviously can’t tell you what your sexuality is or anything like that. That is for you to discover, but honestly, you’re not a lesbian just because you’re disappointed in men.

You say you started dating women because you didn’t get enough emotional support from men, not because you are attracted to women or not even because you were curious about dating women. Lesbians are attracted to women, which is what makes us date them. We don’t date women because we don’t like men; That’s a common lesbophobic misconception and I’d advice you to not spread this misconception around as if it’s the truth.

Feeling a connection with women doesn’t equal attraction to women. I feel connected with my straight female friends, doesn’t mean I want to date them. I can feel connected to men (although I’m yet to see that happen, but I’m speaking hypothetically) and that doesn’t mean I want to date them.

If you don’t feel an urge to have sex with women I can’t possibly see how you’re a lesbian or even bisexual. Lesbians desire sex with women just like we desire romance with women. You want sex with men. No lesbian wants sex with men. You feeling an urge to have sex with men automatically means you’re not homosexual. It’s so simple.

So, why is it that you don’t feel any of the things that lesbians do towards women? You guessed it, probably because you’re not a lesbian. But like, then again, I can’t tell you for certain. You could be struggling with internalized misogyny/lesbophobia making you deny your sexual attraction to women to this extent, but I’d say that’s a reach. I can only base my answer on the information you’ve provided us with, and with that information, you sound straight. Being disappointed in men and recognizing that women are more prone to doing emotional labor for you i.e. which is probably what’s making you feel an emotional connection doesn’t make you a lesbian. 

A lesbian is a female homosexual. If you don’t experience attraction to women, you can’t be a lesbian, and you can’t be bisexual. You do mention wanting to have sex with men though, which makes me say you’re either straight or possibly bisexual with a preference for men. 

/ Mod W

Professor Lupin

things to remember when you move out

•always have bottled water in your house/apartment
•pay your bills on time
•wash your dishes everyday
•don’t tell anyone you don’t trust you live alone
•call your mom and tell her you love her
•make sure you have extra toilet paper
•remember to close the curtains when changing
•lock all the windows and doors at night/before leaving the house
•double check that the stove is off
•don’t leave lights on too much
•use real plates instead of throwaways
•have flashlights in every room
•fruits and veggies are important
•night lights aren’t just for babies and kids
•electric and water bill are more important than cable
•don’t eat out too much
•do your laundry
•it’s okay to ask for help
•own at least two recipe books
•never lock yourself out
•but don’t hide a spare under a mat/plant
•don’t open the door without knowing who it is
•mop
•wash your bed spread a lot
•make sure you always have food in the fridge
•if you feel unsafe call someone
•candy/snacks are not meals

white people don’t get to decide what’s racist
straight people don’t get to decide what’s homophobic
cis people don’t get to decide what’s transphobic
men don’t get to decide what’s misogynistic
able-bodied people don’t get to decide what’s ableist

and if you say something you thought was innocent and someone who’s in the minority felt offended, you should listen to them and learn from your mistakes, not lash out at them or insult them