i felt rejected

Prompts for writing, journals, get to know me’s or whatever

About me

Am I a clean or messy person?
Am I a tea or coffee person?
Am I a vegetarian/vegan?
Am I afraid of heights?
Am I allergic to anything?
Am I an early bird or a night owl?
Am I an extrovert or introvert?
Am I an innie or an outie?
Am I easily embarrassed?
Am I in a relationship?
Am I left or right handed?
Am I much of a daredevil?
Am I scared of the dark?
Am I social?
Am I superstitious?
Am I ticklish?
Can I bake?
Can I cook?
Can I curl my tongue?
Can I dance?
Can I drive?
Can I juggle?
Can I play poker?
Can I roll my r’s?
Can I sing?
Can I spell well?
Can I swim?
Can I wiggle my ears?
Do I correct people when they make mistakes?
Do I have a collection of anything?
Do I have a strong accent?
Do I have any nicknames?
Do I have any pet peeves?
Do I have any piercings?
Do I have any strange phobias?
Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?
Do I have much of an ego?
Do I judge a book by its cover?
Do I like bubble baths?
Do I like classical music?
Do I like clowns?
Do I like my handwriting?
Do I like roller-coasters?
Do I like scary movies?
Do I like shopping?
Do I like to gossip?
Do I like to talk on the phone?
Do I like travelling?
Do I play any instruments?
Do I sleep with the lights on or off?
Do I smile at strangers?
Do I suck or bite lollipops?
Do I talk to myself?
Do I tend to hold grudges?
Do I use earphones or headphones?
Do I use sarcasm a lot?
Do I want any tattoos?
Do I wear glasses?
Have I ever been on a plane?
Have I ever been on tv?
Have I ever been to the hospital?
Have I ever crashed a car?
Have I ever got in trouble with the law?
Have I ever had a rumour spread about me?
Have I ever had braces?
Have I ever pulled an all-nighter?
Have I ever skipped school?
Have I ever started a rumour?
Have I ever thrown up in the car?
How long does it take for me to get ready?
How many relationships have I ever had?
How old was I when I first got my period?
How tall am I?
What am I most likely to be doing when I am outside?
What am I usually doing on a Friday night?
What are my favourite bands?
What are my favourite flowers?
What can I smell in the air?
What colours mostly dominate my wardrobe?
What is my appearance like?
What is my culture?
What is my current wallpaper on my phone?
What is my full name and why did I get it?
What is my greatest strength?
What is my greatest weakness?
What is my guilty pleasure?
What is my Hogwarts house?
What is my most expensive piece of clothing?
What is my most heavily used makeup product?
What is my most used phrase?
What is my most used word?
What is my personality like?
What is my personality type?
What is my religion?
What is my spirit animal?
What is my strangest talent?
What is my zodiac sign?
What is one trend that I completely bought into?
What is something I can’t do no matter how hard I try?
What is something I hated as a child that I like now?
What is the last thing I bought?
What is the longest I’ve ever gone without sleep?
What is the pet I would like to have?
What is the worst injury I’ve ever gotten?
What language do I want to learn?
What video games do I play when I want to relax?
What was the last book I read?
What was the last movie I saw?
What word do I always use as an exclamation?
What word do I always use to describe something great?
Where do I currently live?
Which is my favourite season?


Favourites

What is my favourite accent?
What is my favourite animal?
What is my favourite band?
What is my favourite childhood book?
What is my favourite colour?
What is my favourite drink?
What is my favourite flavour of ice cream?
What is my favourite food to eat on a rainy day?
What is my favourite food to eat on a sunny day?
What is my favourite number?
What is my favourite place on the planet?
What is my favourite radio station?
What is my favourite sandwich?
What is my favourite snack?
What is my favourite song?
What is my favourite swear word?
What is my favourite word?
What is my favourite thing to wear?


People

Do I remember the day I met …?
How are my mother and I similar and different?
What are the compliments I have given other people?
What are the compliments people have given me?
What do my best friend and I have in common?
What gifts would I like to give everyone?
What if I could meet anyone on this planet – who would I choose?
Where is my best friend?
Which actors & actresses do I trust enough to watch whatever they’re in?
Which teachers inspired me the most?
Who are my favourite characters?
Who are my friends?
Who are my parents?
Who are my sisters?
Who are the new people I met? – their names and where we met
Who are the writers I trust enough to read anything they write?
Who brings the sunshine on the days I see nothing but a grey sky?
Who is my best friend?
Who is my celebrity crush?
Who is my favourite youtuber?
Who is my role model?
Who is my secret valentine?
Who is someone I admire?
Who is someone that saved me?
Who is the most intelligent person I know?
Who is the most supportive person in my life right now?
Who was the last person I texted?
Who would I like to go on a midnight adventure with?
Who would I love to randomly see this week?
Who would I really like to hug?
Who would I really like to punch?
Why am I grateful for …?
Why am I grateful for dad?
Why am I grateful for mum?


Music

A playlist for 12-year-old me
A playlist for throwback Thursday
A playlist for when I’m angry
A playlist for when I’m in love
A playlist for when I’m in the mood to party
A playlist for when I’m sad
A playlist of songs that I have on repeat
A playlist that makes me want to dance
A playlist that makes me want to sing
A playlist to inspire me
A playlist to listen to on the bus/train
A playlist with the classics
A song that really speaks to me
A song that was stuck in my head today
Bands and their logos
Song lyrics
What are the first 6 songs when I put my playlist on shuffle?
What song always brings a smile to my face?

Places

A place where the architecture made me want to wake up and see the city skyline every morning
A place where the customer service made me tip £100
A place where the memories were unforgettable
A place where the nature made me want to live in the middle of nowhere
A place where the people restored my faith in humanity
How to get to my favourite place
Places I have never been to but want to see.
Somewhere I want to go before I die
Somewhere I want to go before I turn 20
Somewhere I would rather be right now.
What are the popular places in town?
What is the worst place I’ve been to?
Where is my favourite place to shop?
Where was I born?

Lists

A list of every single song on the albums released by my fav bands

Every tom and jerry’s ice cream flavour (I want to try).

Places I would like to see.

Sounds I like.

Sounds I dislike.

Sports I like.

Star signs.

The first 5 things I saw on my way home.

The first 5 words that come to mind.

The main roman gods.

The main Greek gods.

Things I don’t own but like.

Things I want to buy.

Top 10 episodes to watch

Top 10 favourite quotes.

Top 10 movies to watch.

Top 10 people I want to meet.

Top 10 places in Manchester.

Top 10 restaurants I love.

What is the sentence on line 13 of page 23 in the book nearest to me?

What movies do I watch when I’m feeling down?

What tv shows do I always recommend?

What were my favourite tv shows as a child?

What words don’t seem real to me?

Wish list



Experiences/Memories

A memory in summer

A memory in winter

A memory with my family.

A memory with my friends.

I’ll never forget the day (a teacher) did this.

Memories from high school

Special moments I want to witness.

The story behind my first kiss

The story behind my last kiss

The stories behind my scars

What are the memories I never want to forget?

What is my saddest memory?

What is the first thing I remember?

What is the funniest thing I remember?

What was my most embarrassing moment?

What was the happiest day of my life?

What was the last concert I went to?

What was the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed?

What was the most disappointing thing in my life?

What was the most nervous I’ve ever been?

What was the saddest day of my life?

When was I last scared for my life?


Letters

A note to my favourite teachers.

Dear _____, I would like to tell you.

Dear 5-year-old me.

Dear 10-year-old me.

Dear 13-year-old me.

Dear 15-year-old me.

Dear 16-year-old me.

Dear 18-year-old me.

Dear 21-year-old me.

Dear 25-year-old me.

Dear all the boys I’ve liked.

Dear someone I need to forgive.

Letters to my future children.



Questions to answer

A wise person learns from the mistakes of others – do I agree?

Advice to any if the new kids at sf.

Am I a bad loser?

Am I a good liar?

Am I a writer?

Am I an artist?

Am I good at giving advice?

Am I happy with myself?

Am I happy with the person I’ve become?

Am I the kind of friend I would like to have as a friend?


Books I always reread

Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Do I admit when I’m wrong?

Do I believe that people are capable of change?

Do I belong here?

Do I hold grudges?

Do I have trust issues?

Do I like confrontation?

Do I live or do I just exist?

Do I prefer to be on camera or behind it?

Do I really want a cat?

Do I trust easily?

Have I ever been bullied?

Have I ever been on a date?

Have I ever felt like I wasn’t enough?

Have I ever felt rejected by my friends/family?

Have I ever had a friend turn into an enemy?

Have I ever had a paranormal experience?

Have I ever had a public perception of me change from good to bad?

Have I ever had a song or poem written about me?

Have I ever hopelessly failed a test?

Have I learnt from my mistakes?

How am I feeling?

How do I find comfort when I’m sad?

How do I vent my anger?

How do I want to be remembered?

How could I avoid getting hurt?

How does a (any appliance around the home) work?

How I think will determine how I live – agree or not?

How would I define my sense of humour?

What am I like when I’m angry?

What am I most afraid of?

What are some things that stand between me and complete happiness?

What did I like about being a kid?

What did I want to be when I was younger?

What do I admire most in others?

What do I hate about sf?

What do I hate most about myself?

What do I love most about myself?

What do I notice first when I see someone?

What do I think about selfies?

What do I think about the most?

What do I think could be improved in the educational system?

What do I think people think of me?

What do I touch first when I stick my arms out?

What do I wish I didn’t miss?

What do I wish for every night?

What does a rainbow mean to me?

What fictional character do I wish was real?

What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?

What is an experience that has made me stronger?

What is an item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without?

What is my biggest dream and how do I plan on making it become a reality?

What is my biggest what if?

What is my greatest achievement?

What is my greatest failure?

What is my secret weapon to get someone to like me?

What is one aspect of myself that I feel confident about?

What is one thing I am interested in learning more about?

What is something that makes me feel vulnerable?

What is the best gift I’ve ever received?

What is the first thing I think of when I hear the word ‘heart’?

What is the hardest lesson I have had to learn in life?

What is the ideal age to be and why?

What is the most scandalous situation I’ve ever been involved in?

What is the nicest thing about a person?

What is the single best decision I’ve made in my life so far?

What is the single worst decision I’ve made in my life so far?

What makes a great relationship?

What makes me smile?

What motivates me to succeed?

What part of my life would I relive if I could?

What part of my life would I remove if I could?

What question am I afraid to tell the truth to?

What questions would I ask to get to know someone better?

What was I doing at 12am last night?

What was I like as a child and how did my personality change as I got older?

What was my favourite subject in school?What was the last lie I told?

What was the most ridiculous thing that made me cry?

What will I do in university?

What would I change about my sf?

What would I change about my life if you knew I would never die?

What would I change about the world?

What would I like to change this year?

What would I do differently if you knew that no one was judging me?

What would I do in the event of an apocalypse?

What would I have to see to cry tears of joy?

What would I want written on my tombstone?

When did I experience stage fright or nervousness in front of a crowd?

When do I feel most at peace?

When did I last send a handwritten letter to someone?

When did I not speak up, when I know I really should have?

When did I witness something controversial and had to keep it a secret?

When was the last time I cried?

Where do I see myself in 10 years’ time?

Where do I want to live?

Where is the best place to get pizza?

Where would I go if I got a plane ticket to anywhere?

Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty?

Who do I get on with better, girls or boys?

Who do I miss the most?

Who do I need the most?

Why couldn’t I get out of bed this morning?

Why couldn’t I sleep last night?

Why do I hate insects?

Why do dogs hate me and I hate them?

Will you lend me a hand – how do I think this idiom got started?

Would I ever spread gossip?

Would people consider me a diva?

This Is War [13] ~End~

Summary: After being rejected by your best friend Bucky, Sam sets you up with one of his friends, on the condition that if the date doesn’t go well, you have to sign up for a dating app. The date doesn’t go well. As you begin to look for love in other places, Bucky starts to feel something he never felt before. Jealous.

Bucky Barnes X Reader

Word Count: 1253

Warnings: Feelings. Mentions of alcohol.

A/N: This is it!! This is the last part!! Thank you all so much for reading and for putting up with my huge gaps in posting!! I appreciate every single like, reblog and comment that I’ve gotten and it means the world to me that you’ve stuck through to the ending. Thank you all xoxo

Keep reading

having a crush on a man in my actual acquaintance is so dumb like what do you mean i can’t search “His Name + Funny Moments” in youtube???? 

I want to say a few words to every one of you who is struggling right now. I have been there. A few years ago I’ve been at a point where I was cutting, I wasn’t eating properly, I skipped school and drank a lot of alcohol. I was done with my life, I thought about suicide on a daily basis. My dad physically abused me, my mom verbally abused me. I got bullied at school, I felt horrible realizing that I was gay, I felt ugly and rejected every second of the day.
Today, 4 years later, I am a genuinely happy person. I have great friends, I graduated from high school, I have a job I love, I have a quite good relationship with my parents, I learned to accept and love myself the way I am, I managed to embrace my flaws. My soul has scars and some are deeper than others, but what I want to say with this is that it does get better. All you have to do is stay strong. Keep holding on. Be patient, give god (or whoever/whatever you believe in) a change to fix this. Nobody is born to be unhappy. No matter how hopeless it seems, the future has so much planned for you.

what the fuck is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, I thought EVERYONE fell into a self-hate spiral when they thought someone hated/was angry with/was annoyed at them???? like what???????????

My best guess is that I was born a little broken, with an extra dose of sensitivity. Growing up, I felt that I was missing the layer of protection I needed to expose myself to life’s risks – risks like friendship, tender love, and rejection. I felt awkward, unworthy, and vulnerable. And I didn’t think I’d survive. So I made up my own little world called addiction and I hid there. I felt safe. No one could touch me.
—  Glennon Doyle Melton
Needs (M)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader
Genre: Smut
A/N: This is a drabble that I wrote when I was bored. It’s short (in comparison to my other writings) and it’s probably not that good but I wrote this at like 4am so I didn’t expect much tbh. Anyway, I hope you enjoy 😊.
—–

“Stop moving!” Jimin grunted as you fidgeted on his lap for the 5th time since you sat down not even 2 minutes ago.

“I’m sorry I’m just trying to get comfortable.” You lied. His thighs were a perfect seat and it was like your butt was made for his lap. Getting comfortable was not the issue.

“I know what you want, but I’m not going to give it to you so just stop it already.” Jimin replied playfully, discarding your comment as you wiggled a little more against him.

“But whyyyy?” You whined as you leaned back against him, your head resting on his shoulder. It had been a while since you two had sex and you were tired of being celibate. You didn’t know exactly how long it’d been but you decided that it was long enough so you started making active attempts to seduce him. Recently all of your attempts had failed and you were beginning to get frustrated.

Jimin sighed. “There’s no real reason. I jus-”

“Don’t love me anymore? Don’t want me anymore?” You interrupted and went on before he could respond. “I guess I’ll just have to live like a nun from now on. Forever abstinent until my lowly existence ends. I’ll die unwanted, unattended to, my vagina will dry up and then no one will want to fuck me-”

“Stop,” Jimin laughed at your melodramatic monologue. “I do still want you, don’t say things like that.” He reassured.

“Then why won’t you fuck me?!” You shouted. “I have needs ya know.” There was no shame at this point, you were willing to beg just to feel him again. Why was he torturing you like this?

He thought for a moment before a smirk crawled up his lips. It wasn’t a kind look, it was mischievous and devilish, the type of smirk that made butterflies flutter in your gut. You prepared yourself for what he was about to say.

“Ok I’ll take care of your ‘needs’ but under one condition. You have to beg.” His smile grew as he felt you take a deep inhale of annoyance, but you didn’t protest.

“Please Jimin? Please fuck me, I just want to feel you inside of me.” You batted your eyelashes innocently and turned your head towards him, hoping it would be enough.

“Continue.” He mumbled as he planted soft kisses on your neck and shoulder, moving your oversized shirt away from the skin.

“I’m so horny right now, please. I need you. I can’t stop thinking about how good your cock feels, how good you make me feel when I cum around you.” Such lewd words fell out of your mouth naturally, but you couldn’t be bothered enough to be embarrassed. “Please, I want you!”

Jimin pondered your words for a second as he sucked on your sensitive skin, careful not to make marks that were too dark. He finally sighed and moved his mouth to your ear so he could whisper to you. “Ok, I think you deserve it.”

In an instant you jumped up and began removing your clothes, the fabric couldn’t leave your body fast enough. Jimin on the other hand, took his time stripping himself of his clothes. His hands fiddled with the belt casually and it seemed as though there was no urgency to his movements. By the time you were completely naked, Jimin was just sliding down his boxers, eyes never leaving your body as a grin threatened the corners of his lips. You looked at him with wide eyes, hesitant to rush him but feeling your patience grow thin. He winked at you when he kicked his pants and boxers away and you took this as a chance to come closer to him. When your steps stopped a foot away from where he was, so did his movements.

“I’m feeling a bit lazy today so you’re gonna have to do all the work.” You gave him a questioning look and waited for him to elaborate. “This is an open invitation for you to use my body to pleasure yourself. I’ll just sit back, relax and enjoy to show.”

Without too much thought, you accepted his offer and reached for his shirt, tossing it over his head quickly and moving to straddle his waist. Your hands roamed his toned chest and you watched hungrily as his body reacted to your touch, muscles flexing as your fingertips ran across them. Despite his calm demeanor, you could tell Jimin was turned on by the way his cock hardened beneath you. As you leaned forward to capture his lips, you reached down and grabbed his shaft, pumping it slowly as you guided it to your entrance. You pulled away from the short kiss to look down at where you were aiming. He was still only half erect but it was good enough for you, he would get hard soon enough, so you ran his tip along your folds before sinking down on his length slowly, trying to adjust to his girth.

Your wetness allowed his entry to be smooth but your tightness slowed you down a bit. The stretch felt amazing no doubt, but you had to take him little by little to reduce the slight discomfort you felt. Jimin sighed as you rocked your hips gently to help ease him inside you. He was now fully erect and it made things easier because you didn’t have to hold him up.

“Shit, (Y/n) you’re so tight.” Jimin quipped, eyes locked between your legs to watch you engulf his length.

“It’s been a while.” You let out a short breathy laugh but it quickly turned into a gasp as you allowed yourself to drop farther onto him.

Once you were all the way down on him, you started moving immediately. An idea popped into your mind as you stared at Jimin, his expression still smug and relaxed. You wanted to get a little revenge for having to grovel to him so you decided that teasing him and making him beg for you would be acceptable pay back. Currently, he was content with the moderate pace you set, staying true to his word and not doing any work except for the occasional thrust upward. You slowed the pace exponentially just as he got comfortable, closing your eyes and throwing your head back in exaggeration. It did feel good, however, you would rather ride him hard and fast instead of slow and gentle. But that was not your objective in this moment and teasing Jimin took to priority.

His fingertips dug into your thighs when you continued, but you ignored it and moaned his name. Jimin’s breathing became unsteady as he tried to restrain himself, your moans and light movements arousing him and frustrating him at the same time. You tightened around his dick purposely and were pleasantly surprised when it evoked a groan from his throat.

“Baby, stop teasing,” He whined and you could feel his eyes piercing through you. “I’ll have to intervene if you keep testing me like this.” The warning wasn’t at all intimidating to you, but somehow his tone of voice made you anxious. Excitement built up inside you and suddenly you wanted to see what would happen, deciding to push his buttons further. Your walls clamped down on him again when you rolled your hips on him hard, rolling your head to the side to look at him with innocent eyes.

“But you said I could use you to pleasure myself and right now this feels so good.” You emphasized your words with a moan and a lip bite, Jimin unconsciously copying your actions as he stared at you.

He couldn’t argue with you. He did say that and he knew it, but that didn’t prevent him from getting worked up. A thin sheen of sweat was starting to form on his forehead and his hands had made their way up to your waist, subtly pushing you down onto him but you put up some resistance and stuck with the slow pace.

You alternated between bouncing on his lap and slow grinding, your lack in consistency driving Jimin crazy. When you bounced on his cock Jimin took advantage and pulled you down hard. The thing that really made him snap, however, was the fact that you never bounced on him for more than 5 seconds, reverting back to gently rocking against his hips just when he started to get into it. If he tried to buck into you, you would slow down even more to keep him in check. He had virtually no power. Sexual frustration built within Jimin quickly and he finally couldn’t take it anymore.

Wrapping his hands under your ass, Jimin stood abruptly and headed toward your bedroom. You looked at him with wide eyes and tried to read his emotions as he carried you out of the room, cock still buried inside of you.

“What are you doing?” You asked innocently, wrapping your arms around his neck for support.

“I gave you a chance to satisfy yourself but since you wanna play games, we can play.” The dark lust swirling in his eyes turned you on beyond belief. Your walls tightened around his member unintentionally and caused Jimin to grunt. “Are you enjoying making me frustrated?”

“Now you know how I felt every time you rejected me.” Your smart ass remark makes Jimin scoff and roll his eyes at you.

When you enter the room he kicks the door shut behind him with his foot and places you on the bed beneath him, immediately attacking your jaw and neck with kisses. His hips move idly against yours and you moan at the feeling of him rocking inside of you. He pulls back and drags you to the edge of the bed by your hips so he can stand comfortably. With hungry eyes, Jimin looks down at you and licks his lips.

“I’m gonna fuck you the way I want since you don’t want to do it right yourself.” He growls before snapping his hips into yours, making you slide up the bed a little. He pulls you back into him as he rapidly slams into you, not giving you enough time to react. A gasp gets caught in your throat from his actions but it quickly turns into a moan. This is what you wanted all along. For him to pound into you and satisfy the ache between your legs that has been bothering you for what felt like an eternity. His sudden aggressiveness let you know that he too has been craving you and it made you wonder why he had been depriving himself.

But you had no time to ponder such things because Jimin angled his hips and hit your spot perfectly. A surge of pleasure rushed through you and forced you to grab onto his biceps. Your back curved off of the bed and noises escaped your throat before you had a chance to contain them. A deep hum rumbled in Jimin’s chest as he felt and observed your body’s reaction to him.

“Tell me when you’re close.” He knew you wouldn’t last much longer, it had been too long. He could see it in the way your body tensed up when he went faster and harder, could feel it in the way your legs started to tremble and tried to squeeze together. His palms ran up the inside of your thighs to grip your knees, pushing your legs farther apart and holding them open. Jimin looked at your face to see you peering up at him though your lashes, moaning his name and speaking to him with your eyes. He couldn’t resist the allure of your lips and bent down to steal a kiss, changing the motion of his thrusts. With this angle he was almost flush with you so his pelvis rubbed against your clit every time he ground his hips into you. There was still power in his movements as he did body rolls against you and the combination of the intimacy and strength had you teetering on the edge.

“Baby,” You pant out against his lips. “I’m close.” The words were moaned and barely coherent but Jimin understood and pulled away from you. Then you felt his hips slam into yours harshly, making you jolt up the bed.

“Don’t you dare. Not yet.” He warned and suddenly his thumb was rubbing circles into your clit. The added stimulation made his request seem impossible. Your eyes squeezed shut as you fought against your body, abdomen tightening to hold off your convulsing walls. You were looking so forward to cumming but now your impending orgasm seemed like a curse as you tried to hold yourself back. Jimin knew exactly how much pressure to use as he rubbed you and you wanted to scream at how good it felt.

“Jimin please!“You pleaded desperately and you felt like you were fighting a losing battle. Your hands were gripping the sheets so hard your knuckles were turning white and your breathing was so labored you felt like you were going to pass out. But Jimin knew your limits and just how far to push you to max out your pleasure.

“Just a little more,” He mumbled before reaching down to peck you on your trembling lips. He could feel your self control slipping away so he took mercy on you and granted you release. “Let go sweetheart. Cum for me.” At his words you let your body go limp and it was suddenly out of your control. Your hips moved on their own accord to move against Jimin’s thumb and the added friction was enough to push you over the edge. Jolts of electricity shot through your body from your core, traveling up your violently shaking legs to your toes, forcing them to curl in delight, and through the base of your spine and up, making your back arch high away from the mattress. Tears of bliss pricked the corners of your eyes and slid down your flushed cheeks as moans that resembled Jimin’s name flew from your lips along with profanities and sighs of pleasure.

The sight of you coming undone beneath him was too much for Jimin and he also found his orgasm fast approaching. The thumb that was still stroking your bundle of nerves moved to rub circles into your thigh instead when you became too sensitive. He pulled out of your dripping cavern and quickly grabbed your wrist to guide your hand to grip his throbbing member. Your eyes opened slightly to see the glazed look in Jimin’s and you tried your best to finish him off. Your hand jerked quickly along his dick and a string of groans and sighs left your boyfriend’s beautiful mouth. Soon after that you were surprised with his hot semen shooting from his roaring red tip onto your breasts and stomach. His hips moved into your hand to ride out his high before you pulled away and watched the sexy look on his face as he reveled in the pleasure.

With shaky legs, Jimin made his way onto the bed and pulled you up next to him. You shuddered as relief and the aftershocks of your orgasm washed over your body along with fatigue. After a few minutes of recovery, you felt Jimin get up and grab an old shirt from the floor to clean up the masterpiece he had painted on your body. A question popped into your mind as he wiped you up and you mustered up some strength to speak.

“Why did you deprive me of sex for so long?” You intended to sound angry but you failed.

“It always makes us orgasm harder.” He says with a smirk and you can’t help but agree. A sigh leaves you.

“Well in that case, it was worth the wait.”

Originally posted by whyparkjimin

Let me tell you a story about being an out lesbian in the 90s, and how it relates to Overwatch

I went to my first lesbian bar in 1999, a day after I turned 18. 

I was so excited. I’d never been to a lesbian bar before, and as all my friends were straight I was really excited be around people like me and be with ‘proper’ lesbians. I’d seen all the movies. I’d read all the fanfic. I’d been imagining what it was going to be like: I was going to my first lesbian bar!

I dressed up. I put on my best dress - pink and blue floral print - did my makeup and my hair, and I even painted my nails. I agonised over what shoes to wear (because I thought I’d probably do a lot of dancing) but settled on heels anyway because I liked how they made my legs look. 

Then, I got in my tiny old beaten-up car and drove for an hour to Collingwood, which is where most of the lesbian venues were in Melbourne back then.

I found a park ages away and walked through the dark towards a big old pub in the middle of a suburban street. A rainbow flag was flying outside it. It was so exciting to walk underneath it and go inside. I showed the bouncer my ID (which he scrutinized because I always used to look really young), and then stepped inside my first lesbian bar!

I… didn’t get the reception I’d hoped for.

Everyone did look at me, but I quickly realised it wasn’t with warmth and welcome like I was expecting. Not at all. 

There weren’t too many people in there yet because it was reasonably early, but there was probably at least 20 and none of them looked anything like me. They all had short hair (or long hair very perfunctorily tied back), and at least half of them were wearing Blundstones, they were drinking beer and honestly looked like the roughest bunch of women I’d ever seen in my life. I could see on their faces that none of them approved of me. Their eyes dipped to my dress, my heels and especially my nails, and silently said, “Oh, honey, are you lost?” A couple of them leant in a whispered to each other - snickering and glancing at me. 

It was plain as day: I wasn’t welcome here. I turned around and rushed out again, ran to my car and burst into tears. 

I’d waited 5 years to do this, to be allowed in there. I’d come to this place to feel part of something, to feel part of the community and like I’d finally found my people. Instead, I felt rejected and isolated by the people I was expecting would welcome me with open arms. 

Because I wasn’t butch, I was treated with suspicion. Like a lesbian tourist. Just like straight people, lesbians assumed I was going through a phase and would eventually end up with a guy.

My depression got pretty bad after that. 

This suspiciousness is something that until about 10 years ago I came up against all the time: constantly needing to prove my queerness because I didn’t look like a stereotypical lesbian. For years, ‘butch’ was the only reference for real, legit lesbians. We weren’t allowed to be any other way without being punished and treated with suspicion by the lesbian community (or told we were slaves to the patriarchy, that we needed to ‘liberate’ ourselves from the oppressiveness of feminine clothing, and if we didn’t then we were still trapped in a cycle of trying to be attractive to men etc). 

Now, butch lesbians were only trying to protect themselves from all the shit they face from heterosexual society (because they still are denied their womanness today, and are still considered ‘ugly’ and a comical stereotype, even these days, and even by other lesbians) - but I was collateral damage in that. 

So when I say ‘I don’t want Zarya to be the only lesbian in Overwatch’, I hope you can see why that doesn’t come from a place of butchphobia, it doesn’t mean I don’t like her and I’m not omg super attracted to her (BECAUSE HELLO LOOK AT HER OMG), but is based on a long history of experiences where butch was the only reference available to me for how to be a lesbian. 

I recognise butch lesbians aren’t well represented in the media, but they’ve been overrepresented in my life and were a feature of me feeling very isolated in high school. So yeah, if she’s going to be gay, my personal hope based on my personal experience is that she isn’t the only lesbian, because I spent a decade of my life feeling like she was the only way I was allowed to be a lesbian. I don’t want that reflected in my favourite video game. 

I completely accept and recognise the assertion that there is low positive butch representation in the media, but please don’t delegitimize my opinion by dismissing it as butchphobia. 

You’re Distracting Part 5

A/N: This is the last part of the series before the epilogue. I highly recommend you read the epilogue I will be posting in the next few days! I had so much fun writing this series and this isn’t the end. I am gonna flood tumblr with all my fan fiction! Please send some asks so I can write some of those before getting started on my next series. Speaking of which I need some ideas for the series I am gonna write. Let me know what you want to see in the Aaron Burr series. Should it take place in canon era or a modern au? Should it include all the other characters? What should it be about? Should the reader be sassy or quiet? Let me know.

Title: You’re Distracting Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Rating: teen (bordering mature)

Warnings: sexual references, nakedness, possessive behavior, and marking

@mehrmonga

Word Count:1375

The light was way too bright. I cracked my eyes open slightly and noticed my window was open before groaning quietly. I shifted and immediately froze feeling a strong arm wrapped around my waist. Just like that the memory of last night came pouring in to my mind. I only allowed the thought to continue for a minute before panicking. What if it was a mistake? What if he doesn’t actually like me? What if this ruins our friendship?

“I can hear you thinking too hard,” I hear in a muffled voice behind me. I sigh and move to get up before the arms pull me back tightly. “Please don’t move yet.”

“I have to use the bathroom and then I will come back ok?” I laughed. I heard a muffled hum before the arms around me loosened. I slipped out and padded to the bathroom ,using the restroom. I looked in the mirror and gasped. Up and down my neck were bruising marks with teeth indents. I rolled my eyes and walked back out into the bedroom. Thomas was sitting up against the headboard with the sheets pooled around his waist as he scrolled through his phone. The light from the window gave him a slight glow. “What’s with all the hickeys man? It’s like you want everyone to know we slept together.”

He glanced up at me and his face fell into a smirk. “Maybe I do.” He says before setting down his phone and watching me pad across the room to my side of the bed and slipping in. I chose not to say anything about that comment and just let out a small hum in acknowledgment. I felt his arm snake a hand around my waist and before I could react was pulled into his chest with both of us laying our sides. “They don’t hurt or anything do they?” he asked quietly.

“No its fine.” I replied softly, surprised by the concerned and gentle question. In all honesty I knew I was still processing all this. I had just slept with my best friend. I knew talking about this would be the best way to nip this in the bud before I got any ideas about it being more than sex. However, I just wanted a little bit of time. Time to imagine that he was mine and I was his. I just wanted time to feel like it was more for him … .  To think he actually loved me like I loved him.

I froze in his grip slightly as I felt his lips gently graze the hickeys on my neck. I slowly relaxed back into his hold as he continued his gentle exploration over the formed bruises. His arm stayed wrapped over me and I felt his hand gently brush back and forth on my stomach tickling slightly. I sighed and closed my eyes enjoying the little touches of affection. I could feel him shift until the entire front of his body was pressed against the back of mine. I felt his other hand beginning to run through my hair as he sat up slightly to gain better access to my neck. He continued his touches for a few more minutes before laying his forehead against the side of my head and whispering in my ear words I thought only existed in my mind. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I responded without thinking.

“I mean I am in love with you. I know I don’t show it. I just figure you probably don’t feel the same way. I just want you to know that last night meant way more to me than you will ever know.” He spoke softly confidence wavering towards the end of his declaration. My brain almost short circuited and I felt his arms tighten around me before I snapped back to reality to come up with something to say.

“It meant just as much to me Thomas. I swear I am not lying. I- I started dating Alex because I love you and didn’t believe you would feel the same way. He was a distraction from you I think. You were the only one I thought of that entire relationship. Even Alex knew that by the end of it.” I said rambled. I felt his breathe hitch and squeezed my eyes shut tight. I still felt like his rejection was coming.

Suddenly you were pulled onto your back and your eyes immediately opened in shock to meet the dark chocolate brown ones above you. He stared into your eyes for a few more minutes. I noticed his eyes watering slightly but didn’t say anything.

“Please say it again.” He asked, his tone almost begging.

“Which part?” I whispered wanting to tell him whatever he wanted to hear.

“Say you love me. Say you want no one but me. I need to hear you say it.” His voice sounded strained with pleading.

“I love you.”  I whispered staring at his before I closed my eyes to get through the rest of my confession “I don’t think I can ever love someone as much as I love you. I want to be anything and everything you want. I love you.”

I felt his hand graze my cheek. I felt his lips brush my mine before leaning down with a more insistent pressure. I kissed back making my lips pliable underneath his. The kiss was soft and sweet, nothing like the kisses we shared last night.

“You are already everything and anything I could want. I love you too,” he whispered against my lips as my eyes fluttered open to look at his.

“This is so sappy,” I breathed in between us. His eyes crinkled with laughter before he rolled off of me as we broke both out into laughter.

“Wow way to ruin the moment,” he chuckled.

“It was ruined the moment I had to get up to pee and realized I looked like I got mulled by a bear… but I did enjoy it none the less.”

“Well I hope you realize your my girlfriend now. There is no way I am taking rejection as an answer after everything you just said.”

“I wouldn’t expect you too. I would love to be your girlfriend. I still will be hanging out with Hamilton though. I know you hate me hanging out with him because you hate him but it’s time to get over that buddy.”

He snapped his head to look at me and gawked. “Its not because I hate him. I love you and he takes up so much of your time. In case you didn’t realize most of the hate I have for him originates out of jealousy for you.”

I looked at him and laughed. “You’re kidding!”

“No I am not. However, now that you have made me your one and only I think I can get over it.”

He rolled over top of me again, I have a feeling this was going to become a normal occurrence, and dipped his head down into my neck and I moaned as he sucked at my neck again and eventually let go to run his tongue over the freshly bruising skin. “Besides I think with my little marks here, there won’t be a single guy on campus that doesn’t know your mine.” He smirked into your neck.

Your eyes widened . “ Oh My GOD. THOMAS!!! Was that your plan all along?” I screeched. He immediately chuckled and sunk his entire body weight on me before I could get up. I tried to throw him off only to realized I wasn’t going anywhere with him on top of me. I settled and let out and exasperated sigh.

“Maybe it was and maybe it wasn’t.” I heard him mumble. “I just didn’t expect you to enjoy it so much.” He whispered in my ear. I could hear the smugness in his voice.

“Well I did. However, if you continue mocking me for it I might change my mind about allowing a round two this morning.”

He shifted as he brought his head over mine with slight surprise on his face before smirking and dipping down to my lips again.

There’s this kid who wanted to ask me to homecoming but I didn’t like him and I felt bad for rejecting him for no good reason so I told him I had a bf named Dallon and he asked for pics and I sent him some were dall was younger and he believed me dhdjdk and that was months ago and then today you know what he asked me “so did you go to that panic! At the disco concert w u bf Dallon” and I had to leave the room bc I lost it and he had no idea

The 100 4x10 - YASSSSS

Season 4 cannot be saved, but it can be salvaged. 4x10 is exactly what we need, for ALL of the remaining episodes.

I’m excited again, for the first time – honestly – since the DRAMATIC ROMANCE STARE in 4x05 (yes, I loved the stuff in 4x06 but I was feeling too twitchy about the show in general to get the full buzz). That’s not to say that the problems with this season get wiped away. There were issues that lingered here, and those issues will remain. But enough good work was done in this episode to make me willing to look past the problems, if the final steps of this season follow suit.

I’m not re-watching (blessedly, because I don’t have time and not because I don’t care) so please excuse this messy summary of my full thoughts.

-          The greatest thing about this episode is the salvation of Octavia. And here is the first example of us having to look past prior issues to accept what we got here. Some of us won’t be able to do that, for good or bad. But I can, and WOW this episode was killer. Firstly, the writers didn’t try and pass Octavia off as a badass warrior that could hold her own. Everybody knew she didn’t have a chance to win. Everybody (including Clarke, yo yo). Octavia knew. She was trying to act brave, but you could still see her fear.

-          The person that believed in her? The person that gave her a way to survive? BELLAMY. And he did it referencing her upbringing and HOW POWERFUL WAS THAT. The Octavia of old meshed with the Octavia of new. Bellamy’s Octavia meshed with Lincoln’s Octavia. Bellamy not being able to tell her he loved her, Octavia saying may we meet again. IT WAS ALL SO TAUT AND HESITANT. There was so much left unsaid because so much has gone down.

-          And then not only is Octavia reminded of her brother’s love for her, but Kane hugs her. And then Indra!!!! Despite Indra having her own man in the fight, Indra presents Octavia with her sword – once rejected by the daughter of her blood, now accepted by her adopted daughter. I WAS CRYING DUDES. CRYING. And the cracks start to form…

-          Octavia’s relationship with Illian has been…odd, to say the least. His death made me sad because Chai is great, and Marie killed it, but I’m not particularly put out to see him go (he’s a guest star who’s characters purpose was entirely tied to a main – he was given a full bodied arc and the cast needed to be trimmed) but Illian saving her took those cracks that had formed and forced them wider. It’s obvious that Illian was a Lincoln substitute in a lot of ways to Octavia. Her grief was very much for this boy that had – for whatever reasons – decided to fall for a murder kitten, but it was also wrapped up in Lincoln and it felt so earned that she got to give Illian a good death (all of the Lincoln mentions and references were ON POINT)

-          And then we get Bellamy stepping out to save Octavia, and GUYS. BELLAMY HAD BITE AGAIN IN THIS EPISODE. ACTUAL BITE? CAN YOU BELIEVE????????

-          BITE

-          First, he stands up to Kane and Kane relents because YES.

-          THEN HE FINALLY GETS TO ACTUALLY BE FURIOUS WITH ECHO

-          (One of the small flaws with this episode is a perfect example of how this season does not track. What was the point in Echo’s epiphany earlier in the season, if she was just going to shoot O now? SHE DIDN’T EVEN HESITATE! The plot should serve character, and not the other way round dammit!)

-          Bellamy was gonna kill her, and honestly – he earned it.

-          Still, I felt for Echo when she got banished. I certainly get the sense that she was almost…crafted by Nia, and I can buy that it’s hard for her to let go of those instincts. I can’t very well defend Clarke’s choices to save her people, and then shit on Echo for trying to save hers, right? I’m intrigued as to where she goes from here. Logic points to some sort of death protecting a Blake, OR maybe she gets a full arc in S5. We’ll see…

-          Then we get the GORGEOUS Blake scene with Roan. It was just…so wonderfully acted, and so perfectly on point for all the characters. Roan and Bellamy have always antagonised each other, but there’s a healthy respect between them at this point. And then of course there’s Octavia’s face when she hears Bellamy speak. I’m wary of making connections this season, due to the lack of consistency from ep to ep, but it took me back to 4x06 and my thoughts after Octavia rejecting him utterly. I said then that I felt her rejection had as much to do with her hating and blaming herself, as it did with her hating and blaming him. And I felt that again here. It’s like…despite everything, Octavia didn’t believe that Bellamy could still love her or have faith in her after everything that had happened. But he does, and he always will.

-          Roan is another character that has suffered this season (honestly, the large majority have) as a tool to the plot. We aren’t completely free of this at the start of the episode, and I’m still frustrated by it. This is a guy that knew Ontari was a fake Commander and was prepared to roll with it, and he’s only now getting all shitty about religion and culture? Hmmm. I suspect the writers felt the scene with Clarke was necessary to show her trying one last time to save everyone, but they could have handled it better. Maybe just show her trying to reach him, but Gaia intervenes or something? HOWEVER, I’m willing to look past this scene because everything else with Roan was wonderful.

-          As with Bellamy, Roan has a shit ton of respect for Octavia. That’s evident from the start, and it has a profound impact on Octavia when he offers the truce. This is a girl that has felt incredibly alone since Lincoln died, but now – as she faces death – people are queuing up to love and support her. Yes, we as viewers know those people have been there all along. But Octavia? Grief, trauma, pain distorts your view. She hasn’t been able to see through that.

-          ROAN GETS TO BE A BADASS EVEN IN DEATH (although I maintain that until Zach tweets his goodbyes HE’S ALIVE DAMMIT). Him melon crushing Trikru man was wicked good. His fight with Luna was gloriously done. The twist of the black rain coming in, removing Octavia from the equation, was a great way to have him lose. But YIKES LUNA, what a way to murder someone. It just looked GREAT.

-          QUICK NOTE: Gaia’s reaction to Trikru losing out, and her hugging Indra ALSO MADE ME WEEP.

-          If (IF DAMMIT) this is Roan’s end, then at least it’s a good one. They could have gotten more out of him this season, but I’ve enjoyed him since 3x02 and Zach was a great addition to the show.

-          So, let’s talk about Luna. I felt her turn to darkness was abrupt, and that one scene in an episode prior would have made it track better. But I also kinda loved this as her ultimate endgame? This was Luna at her most interesting, honestly. So yeah, if we’d gotten one extra scene hinting at this it would have been perfect. Nadia rocks a bad girl, like whoa. And again, kudos to the writers for doing the right thing. There is no way that Octavia would beat Luna in a fight. Having her fight dirty was the best and only way.

-          MAJOR YIKES AT OCTAVIA’S LAST WORDS TO LUNA THOUGH. WAY HARSH.

-          So then we get to Octavia returning to the throne room, and whooooooooooooa.

-          SO last week we all breathed a sigh of relief that Clarke was NOT going to become Commander, but now it very much looks like Octavia is going to become some sort of leader of a ‘one’ kru. I’ll reserve judgement on that until I see how it forms, but one thing I do want to mention is the respect that an abundance of grounder characters have for Octavia. Wanheda has been feared and revered, but has always been apart. Octavia has embraced grounder culture since day one. When Clarke tried to take the flame, she disregarded grounder beliefs. Octavia wouldn’t do that. THAT is why when Octavia suggests sharing the bunker they all accept it. Octavia took on the conclave, won, and they respect that.

-          KANE WAS SO PROUD

-          INDRA WAS SO PROUD

-          I WEPT SOME MORE

-          And then I wept a bit harder when she ASKED FOR HER BROTHER.

-          SHE WANTED TO SEE HIM

-          SHE WANTED TO HUG HIM DAMMIT

-          Now, I’ve already expressed why Clarke’s choice legit does not bother me one iota and I’m just gonna link to that here because I’m lazy.

-          My one gripe with this scene and the setup is that Clarke’s choice happened off screen, and was used as a twist. BUT I am putting major faith in 4x11 to delve deep into her choice and her headspace so it’s not a major thing YET.

-          Also, NOTE BELLAMY’S BITE.

-          I’m gonna close by doing something that I generally avoid doing, because I hate raising expectations…but…my friends…my immediate Bellarke reaction after this episode and ESPECIALLY AFTER SEEING THE NEXT EPS PROMO WAS EXCITEMENT.

-          That bunker will be open by the end of the episode, and I can’t imagine that anything other than Bellamy getting through to Clarke will be the reason it does.

-          Could there still be angst right up until the end of the season? Sure! But not necessarily.

-          So my fun times scenario is below the cut, and you can play with it if you’re unable to see any light at the end of the tunnel (DISCLAIMER: YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PREPARE FOR THE WORST, THIS IS NOT ME PROMISING THAT THIS WILL HAPPEN).

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Arthur’s your single dad with PTSD

You love your father. You always had and always would, but it was hard when you sometimes had to be the strong one. Your mother had died when you were four, whilst your father was going through a rough spot. He was drinking a lot and she got drunk one night with him, she fell into the cut and never came home. You didn’t remember her, it was unfortunate really, but you had a terrible memory. When she died, your father went mad, insane even. He couldn’t look after you and he scared you more than anything. As a four year old, you didn’t understand what was going on. He would be yelling and crying all the time and you couldn’t do anything.

He never got violent with you, but he got violent with random people. You would just be walking hand and hand with him down the road as you laughed and he smiled down at you. But then someone would accidentally bump into him and he would turn into a vicious animal. Your father would let go of your hand and start yelling at the person who was either apologising or (very rarely) fighting back. If it turned into a full on fight you’d go and hide somewhere, crying. Eventually, your Great Aunt Polly took you away from your father. You lived with your Aunt Ada in London with and her nine year old son, Carl.

Your father didn’t seem to understand that you needed stability from him. You loved him, but whenever you saw him, every other weekend or whatever, hello was the same as goodbye. He couldn’t take care of anyone and he didn’t want to tell you how he felt. You didn’t know what it was like for the ‘Great Arthur Shelby’ to practically lose his only child because he never talked to you. He scared you. You weren’t ashamed to say it. He was a scary man, a violent man and you didn’t want to be like him.

Keep reading

On Christmas, my aunt, who’s 52 and a really generous, kind woman, told me that for the first time ever she now has two true girlfriends in her life. The way her whole face was lighting up when she was speaking about them grabbing coffee together, talking about their kids and comforting one another was really touching. At the same time it made me sad to realize that someone as lovely as my aunt had to wait 52 years to connect with people she considers to be true friends of hers. I understood how blessed I am to have friends all around the world, and how it isn’t something to be taken for granted that I connect with people easily. And when I think back, it hasn’t always been like that. When I was younger, I often felt unwanted, rejected, judged and in the wrong place when I was spending time with my friends. It often felt like they were just friends of people I knew, who kind of tolerated, but not truly wanted me to be there. Whenever I was going through the process of an ending friendship, I was so heart broken and tried to understand what’s wrong with me.

My aunt’s story made me realize again that true, deep connections can be rare and that we shouldn’t take them for granted. Friendships need to be nourished and “watered” like plants, and I want to do that as often as I can and show them how much I love them. Also, I understood that it’s never too late to find meaningful relationships throughout a lifetime. It reminded me to be myself, to trust the process while being open when meeting new people.

There is nothing wrong with you if you don’t have tons of friends. You’re not unworthy or boring if you’re spending a lot of time on your own. It’s not the end of the story if you currently feel lonely and unwanted. The magic of a new connection might already wait around the corner.

me, arriving at the library: i’m going to get some serious work done and finish my dissertation proposal today

the ‘new books’ shelf: but… this new book on british wartime ballet is just sat here and someone could take it off the shelf at any moment

me, nose-deep in ‘albion’s dance’, laptop discarded: i hate you and i hate ballet and this library

Bertolt Hoover: A character reading

Many people seem to not have clear who Bertolt Hoover is, what he is fighting for and, above all, why he behaves like he does. They’re stuck in their own opinion of the character, which is often too good or too bad, without any half measure.

Well, I hope this post will be able to open these people’s mind, making them see Attack on Titan’s story from the top, without only focusing on their favourite characters, Bertolt included. Yes: I also want Bertolt’s fans to reconsider their own idea of the character, which is what I did after chapter 84 was out. I’m not saying you have to hate him or what, the opposite: what I’m aiming for is to give you a closer view of this guy, paying more attention to details, and eventually, possibly deal with the way he died.

Before I start, I want you all to have this clear: in this story there isn’t any good or bad side. All the characters are victims of a cruel world and fight for what they think is right. It has been said and shown so many times, so if you are not able to understand this, I invite you to not read forward. It would be just a waste of time, for me and for you.

For the rest of the people, you’re welcome to read what follows and let me know you opinion about it. This means you don’t have to necessarily agree with my words: I just want to give you a closer, possibly different view of this character to better understand it.

I will start form the event that made me wanted to write this post: Bertolt’s death.

After a first reading, I was completely shocked about the poor focus Bertolt had during his last moments. They were all worried about the serum thing, wondering who was worth to revive between Armin and Erwin, and Bertolt seemed just like a tool in this, an object and no longer a person, not a human.

Well, I guess this is what Isayama want us to believe at this point of the story. The proof is in the reaction Bertolt has when he figures out he is about to die.

At first, I was greatly disappointed by his behaviour. He cries out for help, asking to be saved when only few chapters ago he felt like he was prepared to any outcome, like he was at peace with himself and ready to leave the scene. His reaction was the thing I hated the most from chapter 84. Because while I was always prepared to see him die, the only thing I asked was at least for him to have some meaningful, possibly glorious ending. I always told myself “he is the Colossal Titan after all, the God of the story” like Isayama himself said “He can’t just die like Titan food, begging to his old friends like he did in The Clash of Titans arc…”

My wish for a memorable and dignitous ending increased after chapter 78. Here is where Bertolt meets a great, outstanding development: he goes from being an unwilled, weak character to someone who is so tired of his hard role that is now able to accept any outcome, death included.

He is showing us a new resolution, something that both characters and fans didn’t expect from him. And this makes him look cool, this makes him worth to be the Colossal Titan, the icon of evil, for the very first time in nearly eighty chapters. 

When we meet his new strength, we his fans are a bit surprised but also proud of him. Because, let’s be honest: seeing our favourite character showing guts when everyone always underestimated it gives us a sense of justice and makes us feel braver as well. It also carries a beautiful message: it says that everyone, even the less confident creature (which could be us) can take courage and change in a strong one, taking back their lost dignity.

This is why, as we see all of this falling apart, we start feeling so angry and sad. 

When Bertolt fails, we fail together with him. Because we created a bound with this character. We felt sad, uneasy and then stronger with him. We cried with him and with him we aimed to come back home, no matter what. We were so proud of our boy, and finally happy to see him so self-aware. This was what made his dead-fate acceptable. We came to terms with his high chance of dying because we knew he was ready, and seeing him so scared in chapter 84 comes in like a thunderbolt.

Now: I decided to write this post mostly because I have seen many Bertolt’s fans having my same, first reaction, being angry and all. After the chapter was out, I was so disappointed that I felt a sense of rejection towards this character, as well as for the plot itself. Knowing how bad and disappointed I felt, I couldn’t do anything but avoid what made me think about him. It’s a self-defense mechanism that everyone adopts in fictional things as well as in real life. It is a human behaviour, something we can’t blame us because trying to be happy is a everyday challenge we want to win.

So, how did I win my challenge against Bertolt’s unglorious death? 

I started wondering why this character is so important to me, why I felt so attached to it and, above all, if I did, really get it right. I went back in the manga to take all the moments I like the most, and found out something I never had that clear: this character was made up to be the Colossal Titan since before the manga even started. It seems obvious, but it’s not. Isayama gave this character far more attention that we may imagine. His presence on the scene was carefully managed to be none in the first thirty chapters, more evident in the following twenty and a mix of the two in the latest fourty. All to confuse the readers. Readers that ignore how much a silence presence can tell. In the first fifty chapters we are not, really allowed to know what’s up in his mind. We never have access to his thoughts and the only hint of what his feelings are is in his face.

That’s right: Bertolt’s face was not randomly drawn. Isayama had a clear idea of what the Colossal Titan’s human form looked like, even before the story started. These are two images from the original Attack on Titan’s draft, the very first version of the story never been published:

 He already has the miserable look we all know. He is desperate, and we won’t be able to know why for a long time. As the story goes on, despite the author improving style, his face hardly gets big changes, especially the eyes:

His eyes are what speaks for him. They communicate his feelings better and in a more sincere way then his own mouth, carefully kept shut mostly because of his true identity. If we pay attention to these eyes, we would be able to see and understand everything this character is hiding. 

Let’s take chapter 78 again, and try reading it paying more attention to his face. When he confronts Armin, his old comrade and friend, he puts great effort in making his words credible by wearing a cold, threatening mask.

If we carefully look at his face, we would notice the great effort he puts in making his eyes look determined. They change from their usual, good look to something that only pretends to be evil. He doesn’t want to kill his friends: he has to, as he clearly says just few panels forward: 

This is the behaviour of someone that has some hidden, but good reason to act like this. He doesn’t really believe his own words, and this is pretty much evident in two panels, the ones in which he is shouting that he will kill everyone:

In these two panels his eyes are not visible: Isayama is hiding them because what he is saying is so unbelievable to him himself that he is not even able to look at his enemy, neither at us readers.

So, I don’t want to kill your convinctions, but the resolution displayed in this chapter is not a real change. What Bertolt is doing is simply, fully taking the responsibility of his role for the very first time in his life. He is so tired and so eager to put an end to everyone’s suffering that he is forcing himself to be something he was never ready to become.

What triggered this sudden decision were probably Reiner’s words in chapter 77:

He, who is the only person Bertolt really has, claims nothing but the raw truth: Bertolt was never a reliable person, not when it came to their mission. He always stood apart simply because he was never, really able to accept his role. This is so true that even Bertolt himself admits it, putting on the most bitter and genuine smile:

He is just too good to really take his responsibility as the Colossal Titan, and this is why his death was not epic as we would like it to be.

The Colossal Titan is Bertolt. But Bertolt was never the Colossal Titan. He only managed to reach its goddish nature in chapter 82, which is what I consider the best written and drawn chapter of the entire series, as well as the most important chapter for this guy’s development. Here, not only Bertolt is talking like a god, he also resembles the divine, someone so sure about his power and strength that is not even able to see Armin’s smart plan.

I already mentioned that Isayama drawn the Colossal Titan thinking about it as the God of the series. He says that it symbolizes the ruler on humanity, the individual who decides who lives and who dies. But the Colossal Titan is also something else: it is what Bertolt was never ready to become, the monster we never really see in his human eyes. On one side this is kinda disappointing, because one of the features we like the most about Bertolt is the fact that he is actually the mascotte of the series, which makes him a cool character, someone to respect despite him being an insecure, timid guy like many real people.

But this is the other side we really like: his nature as a human. We are able to feel an empathy with him because he is a victim of his own fate. No matter what he did: he is good, and we know this very well. If he really was evil, we probably wouldn’t love him as we do. We like him because of his tragic position, an unavoidable condition that makes him interesting and deep in a subtle way that other characters don’t have.

And all of this comes first than him simply being the cool and scary Colossal Titan.

So, what’s wrong with the way he dies? Was the glorious ending we all imagined really appropriate for this character? Was really in his character to leave the scene as a fearless hero?

Sure the way he dies is rough, and cruel, and way too fast. And we hate it because we know he did’t, really deserve such a pain. But we don’t have to forget what is Bertolt’s role in the story: since he was revealed as the Colossal Titan, we started wondering about who the enemy really is, if it really is the Titans or, more interestingly, the humans inside the walls. This is something we shouldn’t leave apart, because this is what will bring back Bertolt’s character in the future, finally giving to his death the meaning it deserves. We just have to wait for the right moment, which wasn’t in chapter 84.

So, for Bertolt’s fans: don’t be sad for this character, because he died as the character we learnt to love, and we should be happy about this. He didn’t die like the Colossal Titan, like the monster he never wanted to be. He died like Bertolt, like the human we constantly see in his eyes.

He died scared, because Bertolt was scared of dying. He had his moment of glory, but when facing death he left the scene without losing his humanity, proving that we were always believing in something true: he has always been a good guy until the very end.

This is why you shouldn’t stop loving him as you did until now. You have to cope with the fact that he is indeed an unlucky character: this is his only “fault”. Rejecting him because of this would be like rejecting a son or a doughter because they’ve born with some sort of desease. And I know that people like you (and like me) would never do such a thing.

Bertolt Hoover is not a character for all. Understanding him is hard, and only few people are able to feel such a close empathy with him. You should be proud of this.

-

I didn’t spend a word about the Armin eating Bertolt thing, because I don’t think it was the real problem behind the disappointment we all felt for Bertolt. Armin becoming a Titan is more a damage for the plot itself then for Bertolt’s fate. Chapters 83 and 84 were definitely the worst chapters in the story of this manga, but I have at least found a way to not hating my favourite character, and that’s enough.

-

This post should’ve been a Vlog, but my shitty computer left me while I was making the montage. I didn’t want to wait longer to share these thoughts with you, because I felt like you needed now.

Looks

This is the tiniest Supercorp offering for @abcooper because today is her birthday and she is the absolute bestest!! Coop, I hope  you have a fabulous day. Enjoy a little Kara and Lena, though you deserve so much more than this!

The first time I saw you, I knew there was more than meets the eye. We shook hands and you left tingles on my fingers. You were pretty, gorgeous even, but when you gave the smallest smile I forgot what I was thinking. There was a quiet confidence about you that seemed humble, yet unshakable.

That first meeting was much too​ short, much too serious, and when we parted ways, I thought about you afterward. How could only a few minutes make me feel like I already knew you? How could rosy cheeks and soft looking hair draw me in so quickly?

Yes, I knew there was much more to you than meets the eye. Some of it might be painful, some of it might be joyful, some of it might be dangerous, but the second I laid eyes on you, I had to know all of it.

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Two Worlds Part Three: John Laurens x Alexander Hamilton’s Sister

In collaboration with: @desperatepenguin722

Word Count: 1864

A/N: Here’s the third part! Starting to get a glimpse of that second world…

Part One // Part Two // Part Three


The next morning, Alex got up before and started to make breakfast. You were sleeping soundly until Alex purposefully banged a pan against the counter to wake you up. When your eyes shot open, he acted like it was a mistake.

“Alex, I have a headache,” you groaned, shoving your face into your pillow.

Alex smiled and motioned to the table where a plate, a bottle of Gatorade, and ibuprophen were set out. “Good morning sunshine,” he smiled. The scowl disappeared on your face when you saw the omlettes that he was putting onto plates. You sat up and looked at him curiously.

“You’re the best and you’re being weirdly nice,” you said, walking over to take the pills and drink the Gatorade.

“I have no idea what you mean,” he said innocently. You raised an eyebrow, but he went on with what he was doing, not paying any attention to you. He put the omlettes on the table but then, his phone buzzed and he checked it and rushed out the door. “Gotta go! Enjoy breakfast!”

“Wait, don’t leave me alone!” You called out, but he didn’t listen. You sighed. “And, I’m alone.”

Without any warning whatsoever, John walked in from the bathroom. “Hey, morning.” He sat down at the table like it was nothing. Your mouth hung open slightly as you watched him, the events from the night before rushing back into your memory.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, dumbstruck.

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Imagine comforting Evan through his breakup.

It was very late at night, I was up that night eating chips and watching X-Files over and over again on Netflix. My phone began to rang, “Who would call this late,” I said to myself as I reach over to my phone, to see that it was Evan who was calling me. “Hello?” I asked with a confused voice. He had been absent for a while now, him becoming famous made him too busy to really communicate, which I did understand. “Hey, did I wake you up?” He asked, I could tell something wasn’t right with his tone. “No, not at all, I’m watching X-Files,” I said with a slight laugh. He cleared his throat and sighed “Good, um. I’m kind of outside your apartment. I need someone right now, and I know it’s selfish, because I haven’t been around much, but can I come in?” I didn’t know what to say, “Of course, Evan.” “Okay, good, give me like 5 minutes.” Evan got upstairs and knocked on my door. I looked through the peephole, and he was holding a stuffed animal in front of it. He was so funny, and did such quirky things. I smiled and opened the door. “Hey,” He said with a smile, looking down at the teddy bear. His dimples showing. He walked in and set the teddy bear down “I got it for you, it’s dumb I know. I’m a cheesy guy,” he said with a shrug. “I love it,” I said as I hugged him. He buried his face into my neck and sighed. I led him to my couch and we both sat down. He didn’t say anything for a while then I asked him “Evan, are you okay?” “No, I’m not okay,” He said with a laugh, then I noticed he began to wipe his eyes to try and not cry.

Originally posted by maybe-4ever2gether

“Emma, she left. I came home and all of her stuff was gone. She left this note, that said ‘don’t try to talk to me, it’s over.’ I just… Wish she would tell me what I did, I don’t know what I did and it’s making me crazy,” He said burying his face in his hands. “I need to say this, Evan, because I care about you. Emma was awful to you, and you know it. She cheated on you, in front of you even. She beat the shit out of you, you tried to take some of blame of it, and then you bailed her out of jail the next day. You are probably one of the most amazing guys I have ever known, and you deserve so much better than that.” I said scooting closer to him, he looked up at me and that’s when he just began to sob, hard. He stopped to dry the tears off his face then smiled at me “I’m fine,” he said showing his dimple in his cheek.

Originally posted by mirianabiondi

I gave him a concerned look and then sighed “Somehow I don’t believe you, you need someone better who isn’t going to hurt you. Someone who will treat you like you have always to deserved to be treated, someone like…” “You,” He spoke bluntly. My heart pounded “What?” “Someone like you?” He said again drying his face, and sniffling.”What are you getting at?” I said with a confused laugh “You have been friends with me since… High school, were nice to me when I was the geeky fat kid that everyone made fun of. You are probably the only person who doesn’t ask me for anything, because I am famous now. You’re just… You. I would some times think about  you, especially when Emma would come home all drunk and shit, being completely rude and obnoxious. I would think back to that one day, when I left to start filming Murder House, you hugged me. You told me that you knew I would do great things, and I remember thinking what if I would have kissed you like I wanted to, what would have happened? I would have pursued you. It’s times like this where she cuts me deep that I think about what could have been.” I was speechless, as my eyes were watering. “You’re just… hurt.” I  said looking away, trying to hide my own 10 years of pain I felt in my chest wanting to let him know how I had always felt about him. Even when he was that “chubby, geeky, kid,” he claims he was. He shook his head “No, I’m not just hurt. It’s true, you were my high school crush,” I giggled “You were mine,” I said with a smile “I was not! I was not okay in high school, I looked like a fat, lesbian,” I started to laugh at him “No you did not, Evan that’s such bullshit,” I said playfully hitting him. “I remember that one day, when you went with me to prom, I got you that flower that ended up giving you a horrible asthma attack and we spent the night in the ER.” He said laughing “You were always so sweet to me, even when I almost killed you with a flower,” He smiled, and that’s when he grabbed my hand, pulled me forward and began to tickle me “No!” I screamed in protest as my whole body convulsed. That’s when I head butted him and we both stopped, holding our heads “Fuck your head is hard,” He said groaning. “So is yours!” I yelled with a laugh. “Let me look, I’m sorry, you know better than to tickle me, Evan. All concussions are your fault,” I said, gently brushing his blonde curls aside. “I think you’re going to live,” I said laughing. He looked at me, his brown eyes gazing over my face. He took his hand and touched the side of my face, his finger tips gently touching my skin. He leaned forward then to kiss me and I pulled away “Whoa,” I said. His facial expression changed, and his face grew red “I’m sorry, I just… I don’t know. I think I should leave. I’m sorry,” He said as he got up, I could tell he felt rejected just now, and my heart hurt at the thought of hurting him. I stood up and ran to him. Grabbing his hand, “Evan, don’t go. It just surprised me is all, I didn’t think that you would do that. Besides, you just literally got out of a relationship with someone. I don’t want to be someone’s rebound,” He turned to me and held my face in his hands “You are too good to be someones rebound, don’t ever think that about yourself. This is not me looking for a rebound, this is me getting the veil off of my eyes, to see what I should have done years ago. I need someone who is better to me, like you have been.” he said. He then, leaned down and pressed his lips into mine passionately. I felt my knees buckle as I put my hands on his face too. His tongue moved around my bottom lip, then he bit down on it, tugging it gently, then chuckled as I let out a small sigh. He continued to kiss me, parting my lips with his tongue, eagerly exploring my mouth. I rubbed my tongue against his as he laid me down onto the couch, laying on top of me. 

Originally posted by tatebabee

The smell of his leather jacket, and his cologne filling my nose. He always smelled so good. He grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his waist. I felt like I was melting in his arms. His fingers moving down my bare thigh, sending chills down my back, goosebumps rising on my skin. I began to breath heavily, as he moved his hand up my shirt, and grabbed my chest, maneuvering under my bra to feel my nipple under it. My head began to pound and I let out a moan as he pinched his fingers around it. That’s when he pulled off my shirt, then accidentally turned the TV back on, the theme music blasting loudly we both jumped then started to laugh “Fuck,” He said as he reached looking for the remote, then turning it off. He looked back down at me and blushed “I’m so awkward I’m sorry,” He said as he leaned back down “I just don’t ever know what to say or do,” He started to kiss me again, unhitching my bra from behind me, I then unzipped his jacket and pulled off his shirt too. He moved his hand down my side, and moved his finger back and forth on my panty line of my shorts. He then slipped his hand down the front of my shorts and moved his fingers between my lips. He slowly slipped 2 fingers inside of me, and rubbed his thumb over my clit. He kissed along my jaw line, and down my neck as my breath caught, I let a small moan escape my lips. That’s when he sat up for a moment, and began to unbuckle his belt, unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, pulling them down a bit, to show his bulge in his boxers. I sat up in front of him and pulled them down, to reveal how hard he was. I looked up at him as I wrapped my hand around it, and started to take him into my mouth. He exhaled sharply, looking down at me, grabbing my hair in his hands. I twisted my hand around his length, my mouth going up and down his shaft, taking brief moments to stop only to flick the tip with my tongue. “Fuck…” He muttered out, as I heard my name escape his lips. He sat down and I stayed on my hands and knees, to which he reached under me to still finger me. He rubbed my clit fast to a point I felt I may cum, then he stopped push his fingers deep inside of me. “Fuck, I can’t take it,” He said as he stood up. He then he pulled down my shorts and my panties. I arched my back so that he could have better access to me. He teased me for a bit with it, as he only rubbed his tip around my opening. Then he pushed himself inside of me, filling me with every inch of his length. I felt him grab onto my ass, and he started to go hard and slow. Going deep inside of me with every thrust. He kissed my back and the back of my neck as he did. He started to go faster and harder, the sound of our skin hitting echoing through the room. I moaned as he continued to go more and more, until I could myself nearing my climax, he pulled out and started to stroke himself, He turned me over and put himself between my legs, moving his face down, and began to flick his tongue over my clit, “Oh my god,” I muttered, when he started to finger me at the same time, he kept stroking himself as I came closer and closer. I pushed up against his face, and ran my fingers through his hair. I felt myself start to climax as I started to arch my back. He then finished himself, cumming onto my stomach. He both caught our breaths back, as I looked my stomach “It’s… Everywhere,” I said jokingly. He started to laugh “Yeah… I cum a lot.” He said as he got up, and grabbed me a paper towel. “ So, what now?” He asked me as he helped me get my clothes back on “We can finish this show?” I said reaching for the remote. “No, I mean. What now, between us. What does this mean?” He asked me as he buckled his pants. “What do you want it to mean?” I asked him with a smile. He sat back down and pulled me into his lap “I want it to mean something, I want to see where we can go,” He said kissing my forehead. “Okay, we will see where this goes,”