i felt like it was talking to me personally

anonymous asked:

Let me just say thankyou for your posts talking about the mental health in BnHA. For me its obvious but so many its not and like the manga points out, so many make a villian out of Bakugo. Which I cannot stand. The kid is smart, loyal, strong, and determined. He does not have the same personality as Deku that can get through to people so I felt for him when Shoto clearly still wasnt ready to use his fire power and froze up because of it. I love Bakugo, so thankyou for protecting the sweet child.

You’re welcome, Anon. Thank you for this ask; there is one thing that I felt I needed to be clear on, but never found the opportunity to do so. The thing is, I don’t think Bakugou is ‘a sweet child’. I think Bakugou has a problematic attitude and mental health issues that need to be taken care of, seriously and with benevolence. What I’m defending is Bakugou being seriously taken care of, not Bakugou being an adorable but misunderstood child. If you do that, you’re deliberately putting aside all the bad things he did and idealizing him, and that’s not being fair to him and issues he’s illustrating. That’s not what I’m defending.

We have to take Bakugou for what he truly is; he’s smart, strong-willed and passionate, but he has mental health issues AND his behavior has been violent and abusive towards Midoriya. One doesn’t erase or excuse the other. He doesn’t really regret anything he did. He’s improving, but he never apologized to Midoriya for bullying him, and for telling him to go kill himself. I’m not telling Bakugou is a good or bad person. Nobody is totally good or bad; we’re all bound to do bad and good things, because our behaviors are influenced by a lot of settings depending on the situation, and sometimes, we mess up (I’m putting aside talks about systemic oppression and violent behaviors towards oppressed people). What’s important is improving, realizing our mistakes, fixing it if we can and moving forward. We’re not perfect, nobody is, so at least what we can do is prevent, fix and help each other when we’ve taken wrong paths. It won’t help Bakugou, whether we demonize or idealize him, because we won’t confront what he did and won’t improve the situation. When you care for someone, and I care for Bakugou, you want them to be at peace, happy and satisfied with themselves; something Bakugou clearly isn’t. And to do that, you need to be honest and fair. 

Bakugou’s behavior has been wrong on a lot of aspects, and it’s not correctly addressed by others and especially adults in charge. It won’t help him to demonize him, it’s just a convenient way to silence him and ignore his medical and emotional care. I saw people telling that if Bakugou wasn’t restrained, he would’ve trashed the stadium and fought Todoroki. Let’s say he would have (even if I stated he probably wouldn’t have because he was frustrated for not winning fairly); then, wouldn’t it had been smarter to disqualify him to prove they were condemning his attitude and protect everyone? Wouldn’t it had been more efficient to keep him in a room, talk to him and wait for him to calm down, than to expose and humiliate him the way they did? What were they really trying to protect when they chained, cuffed and muzzled Bakugou? Bakugou and Todoroki, or the entertainment of the crowd and UA’s public image? Please, just think honestly about this. The answer is just evident. Bakugou still wants to be a hero to be the best, kick villains’ butt and win. Not to save others and be kind to people that need help. He failed his provisional licence exam because he just didn’t care about saving people, and endangered them when he told them to help themselves. I have my idea on what will eventually trigger his urge to save, because it’s not easy to awake to a feeling you never felt before, unless you’re in a situation that pushes you to do so. It’s not something I’m making up, just look at these panels. 

They perfectly resume dynamics between Bakugou and Midoriya ; they both incarnate one of those two urges ‘to save’ and ‘to win’, and while Midoriya is being driven by Bakugou to improve his urge to win and surpass himself, Bakugou is still far for awakening to the urge to save. However, we can see he’s slowly opening up to the possibility by befriending Kirishima; he tried, in his own way, to care for him, and that’s a good beginning. Bakugou began to open up to more positive feelings such as caring for others and accepting to be cared for; because it doesn’t mean you’re weak when people want to help. It’s something Midoriya never made him feel, and Kirishima did.

Anyway, my post on mental health came from the urge to stop seeing people make fun of how Bakugou is handled and to clear issues about mental health that aren’t obvious for most people, because we’re either not even aware they exist, or because we’re not used to see them treated in popular representation. What Bakugou did was wrong; but the way he is treated is also wrong. We seriously need to be honest about Bakugou; I see a lot of people either demonizing or idealizing him, and that’s not positive. I’m sorry if this answer comes out as a little harsh, it’s not personal Anon, it’s not you being good or bad, it’s just questioning our perspectives and ways to appropriate contents. It’s about an attitude on that character that I find not really honest because whether you’re demonizing or overprotecting Bakugou, you’re not taking him for what he truly is but more for what you want him to be, and that’s not being fair to him, what he’s representing, and others characters.

Please read this

I’m not sorry. I thought I was but I’m not.

If you follow me you probably noticed that I make personal posts once in a while (ok, more like a few times a week). I vent. I talk about my feelings and how bad my day was a lot. 

I noticed a while ago that whenever I make a post like this I lose at least one or two followers.

Today something happened. I had a breakdown. I didn’t have one this bad in maybe two years. I locked myself in my room and cried my eyes out. Choking on my sobs the tears were falling down my cheeks like waterfalls and I wanted to talk to someone so desperately.

I wanted to have someone listen because I felt alone. I always feel lonely. Since I was a little kid this feeling has never left me like heavy luggage chained to my ankle. I’ve always been the third wheel.

The problem today was that I refrained from making a personal post like the ones I made before. I thought to myself that I did’t want to annoy anyone.

But you know what? Fuck that.

I’m lucky that I have friends like @damnandriel-in-hell @pretttypadalecki @imgetting2old4diss @deantulip and @mickey-m399 who have helped me through the bad days before and I’m not gonna go back to feeling lonely when I know these amazing people who actually listen to my problems without brushing them off.

I don’t care if you unfollow me. I did care today when I thought of talking to you about that breakdown but I don’t anymore.

When I made this blog I had two goals:

  1. Writing fanfiction
  2. Being a part of the spn family and making friends

It wasn’t being a popular blog with thousands of followers.

I’m going to keep posting personal stuff because it helps me. 

Those of you who have messaged me before when I shared what was going through this little mind of mine are what keeps me sane.

I’m serious when I say that I can’t put into words how much of an impact you guys have on my well-being. Your asks, comments. messages, jokes and compliments make me smile and feel loved even when I feel like the people who surround me in real life hate me.

Thank you for that. I can’t express how grateful I am.

anonymous asked:

Just wondering your thoughts on Riley Dennis' video about transitioning. It's hard giving her the benefit of the doubt when all over the internet she almost exclusively talks about being trans. And she's spoken about not having any GD and not really caring to transition to any extent. I dunno that whole video felt fake, but I wish her all the best anyway

Honestly, I haven’t watched it. 

Lately, I’ve been sort of stepping back from watching videos from people like this because I know that it will just aggravate me, and I’ve got a lot going on in my life as it is as the moment.

Either way, I’m not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or any sort of medical healthcare professional. As a trans person, I can say that things Riley or Milo or any of these sorts of youtubers say mostly display a horrendous lack of understanding so far as what constitutes dysphoria and/or being transgender. I think a fair portion of these people have become so entrenched in their ideologies that they are basically the current year’s version of political lesbians. It’s my thought, based upon their own statements, that they will ultimately only make themselves miserable and/or dysphoric. 

I hope that doesn’t happen, but time will tell.

anonymous asked:

I agree that patrcik stump is talented but he is not attractive at all so I lol at all you're tags

just imagine isak and even slept in after going to a party yesterday and, even though they decided not to drink too much, they’re both incredibly tired and thus spent the morning in bed, peacefully sleeping next to each other. when even wakes up, he watches isak sleep, isak’s lip slightly curled, his hand clutched into even’s night shirt.

after even watched isak for a while - ten minutes, half an hour, an hour - he can’t really be bothered because it seems like time doesn’t exist with the two of them and it’s just them in isak’s room, only filled with laughters coming from noora and eskild in the living room every now and then, even decides to wake isak up and kisses his forehead, and his temple, and his cheek, and caresses isak’s lips with his fingers and places a soft kiss on isak’s mouth and isak mumbles and cuddles closer but also opens his eyes and whispers a “good morning” all sleepy voiced and even smiles at him, then after a while of cuddling and talking about everything and nothing, they decide to really get up and make some breakfast and maybe do something fun today

“I had admired you from a far.
Felt butterflies every time I see you.
Blushed at the thought of your name.
And overthought every word you say to me.

It had taken me a year, which felt like an eternity.
To finally realize,
I was in what all humans fear,
What poets wrote about.
What could start wars and move mountains.
I was in love

We began to talk, and I felt light headed every time.
Felt my heart flutter every time you touched me.
Became happier as we got closer.
And nerves filled me when we flirted.

It took a while, but it felt like just a couple of hours for people to start noticing.
We were slowly becoming what young girls dreamed of.
What writers make up in fairytales.
What could make anyone the happiest or saddest person in the world.
We were in love.

Or so I thought.
Almost everyone thought…
I felt so pathetic.
I felt so broken.
I thought maybe we had something.
Something behind the jokes.
But I was wrong. I was so wrong.
And that’s when I realized.
I was in what people had nightmares about.
What left people in tears.
And turned the happiest people bitter.
I was hopelessly, pathetically in love with you.

—  A.P
Sick of Losing You

Plot: Harry and Y/N lost each other when he found someone else.

Warnings: None aside that it kinda broke my heart.

Playlist to the one shot: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2S-tehb1XqDqkmE4xnz7-SciJy61soVf

Thanks to @interfectorems for being such a good friend, supporter and for requesting this. 
Songs that are mentioned but not on the playlist are “Out of the Woods” by Taylor Swift & “If You don’t Know” by 5Sos.

Pic of this beauty isn’t mine.

I watched from a far how he held on to her hand, his fingers grasping and squeezing hers gently while his eyes never left her pretty face. He watched her speak with such an intensity in his green eyes, as if he literally saw nothing other than her. His girlfriend. Not me.
I took a deep breath, swallowed the thick lump building in my throat and turned away from the sight.
Exactly three weeks ago, Harry and I had shared a kiss. Our first kiss, which had been exactly how I’d secretly always wished for it to be. Of course it had been. Every time you get to kiss the person you love is special and like fireworks painting colors into the sky.

He’d been talking and listening to me all night, similar to how he now was with her and had at some point reached out to hold my hand, just like he was holding hers in this moment.
When the time felt right, he’d leant in and had captured my lips with his. Needless to say, Harry was a phenomenal kisser. He knew when to press further, when to use how much tongue and was very attentive to how my body responded to his. Whenever I thought about it now, my cheeks tingled with the memory of his hands cupping them gently as he cradled my face to keep me close. He’d been so soft, so perfect. Harry had touched me with a tenderness, I thought it’d break my heart. I remembered wrapping my arms around his neck and feeling like they belonged there, like I was meant to hold him close.
Only that I wasn’t. The girl he was with now only proved how insignificant I was.

I couldn’t help peaking and looking over at him again. Harry’s lips. I knew exactly how they felt when pressed against my own, knew their taste and shape. Their warmth. Harry’s touch was impossible to forget.
I watched him kiss his girlfriend with a mesmerized stare, before moving away and into the kitchen, leaving the small gathering of our friends with a murmured excuse that I needed to get a refill of my drink, when in reality I couldn’t bear seeing the man I loved sharing affectionate kisses with someone else.
But not even the kitchen was a safe area for me. t had been this exact kitchen, the one in Harry’s house, where he’d pulled me aside and told me about her for the first time.

“It’s difficult” I think he said. “It’s my fault that this situation has become so messy.”

Was it silly that I could actually still remember every word he spoke to me? That I’d engraved every pause, every take in of breath he made, deeply into my head?

“Listen, Y/N… You’re important to me. I care about you. Need you, it’s just… There is someone. Someone who could be a chance for a relationship and I really want to give this a go. Give her a go, I mean. You can understand that, right?”

At first it’d felt like none of it was real. Because how could he be serious?
Harry. My best friend, Harry.
Only three days after our magical first kiss, three days full of us talking and flirting and texting constantly, he was telling me that he wanted someone else. Her name was Ira. And though he was seemingly behaving the same way with her he had been with me, we weren’t the same. In fact, she was everything I wasn’t. So when he told me he wanted her and not me, that he was picking her over of me, how come I’d been surprised?

I would never be his first choice, not when there were thousands of others he could choose from. And it was time for my brain to learn to not interpret every kind gesture, time to learn to stop overthinking every word. It was time for my head to accept, that there was no way Harry Styles could possibly want me.

So… I had been understanding. Kind even.
I’d lied and told him that yes, I agreed that our kiss had been a mistake. We shouldn’t have done any of that and instead thought of our friendship first, rather than our impulses. I’d kept a smile on my face throughout the entire talk and even finished the short chat by wishing him good luck with her. Another lie.

My fingers shook and so I set the empty glass of my drink down quickly, worried for a moment that I might otherwise spill the last few drops. I didn’t think much when I reached for the bottle of vodka on the counter. There was no getting through this night if I didn’t have something proper to drink. If only I remembered the recipe….

“Need help?”

My shoulders tensed. It couldn’t be him. Please… anyone, literally anyone, but him.

However when I turned around, Harry was there. He stood tall and beautiful, his short hair soft and wavy. Harry’s compelling eyes held my gaze with such a tender rawness in them, my knees weakened. All my body burned for was to wrap my arms around his shoulders and have him embrace me, have him tell me that everything would be okay again. I felt like I needed it, but knew that this was a wish I would be denied. Harry must have felt it, too. It was in the air around us. It had changed and… buzzed. As if being in each other’s presence made the world halt still for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” Harry chuckled lowly when I didn’t say anything. How could he smile like everything was alright?

And what was it he was apologizing for? Abandoning our friendship? Ruining any hope I’d had to find a partner in him? Shattering my heart? Hardly.

“For scaring you,” Harry elaborated, a sudden hint of guilt in his eyes, almost as if he’d read my thoughts.

“It’s fine, Harry,” I muttered, bearing a false smile, “All good.”

It was hard to look at him. Especially his eyes. They burned a whole into my chest whenever my own orbs found them. They reminded me of the Harry he once was, the one I could always come to and rely on.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked, his head nodding towards the bottle of vodka. His forehead furrowed in a worried expression and I quickly set the container back down.

“I wanted to make myself a drink, but the recipe slipped my mind. I’m not as much of an alcoholic as it must look like.”

“Good to know,” Harry chuckled, then, visibly thinking about it first, took a step forward. “I remember what you like in your favorite drink. Could make you one.”

From how close he was standing, it was easy to notice every detail of his skin. Every curve of his lips, every hair of his barely-there beard. My stomach turned.

“That’d be nice.”

Harry smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

We avoided any touching. I was leant against the counter, he stood with a safe distance between us and only came closer when he needed a different ingredient that happened to be near me. It was awkward and… weird. It didn’t feel like ‘us’. The friends we’d been once seemed to be two completely different people. I knew him and felt he was familiar, but there was a emotional distance between us I knew neither of us could overcome. And still, I was with him and even if we behaved like strangers, being with Harry was nice.

“I think that’s it,” Harry said, breaking the silence. His eyes were set on the pink-orange liquid in my glass, then they drifted to my face. A proud smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

“You 'think’?” I challenged shyly.

I took the glass from him (cautious not to touch his fingers) and took a sip. It tasted great.

“M'not big of a show off,” Harry grinned, “S'it good?”

I nodded and stirred the colored liquid once more. “Thanks, Harry.”

“You’re welcome, Y/N.” His voice was soft and his gaze shy.

The air around us shifted once more. My eyes teared up. What had happened to us? Harry and I… we used to be the kind of friends who didn’t stopped talking to each other for hours. At first, we’d be loud. We’d laugh and giggle so much eventually both of our tummies hurt. That was when we’d change the subject and speak more quietly, until several hours later our conversations drifted to topics only we were allowed to hear. Then we’d be whispering and sitting closer together, always an eager sparkle in the other’s eyes as we both listened with interest about what was being said.

I quickly turned away and pretended to yawn. My eyes blinked rapidly and I willed them not to cry in front of him. Not because of embarrassment, but because I couldn’t do that to him. I’d given him my okay. I had no right to be mad at him for having found someone else. Harry remained standing close and with his hands in the front pockets of his black jeans.

“I think I should go,” I muttered.

I held my head low and took a deep breath before looking at him briefly. Harry’s eyes held concern and his fingers twitched, as if he longed to reach out for me.

“Y/N, love,” he began lowly, “Do you think we could talk for a bit? S'been a while since I got to see you. Hear your voice. I missed you.”

This time when my eyes met his green orbs, I didn’t look away, even though I could feel the tears forming and coming closer to spilling over. Harry’s whole expression changed. His cheeks paled and his forehead furrowed deeper.

“I miss you, too, Harry,” I admitted, my weak voice barely above a whisper.

“No,” he mumbled, shaking his head slowly, sorrow deeply set in his eyes. His feet stepped closer and his warm hands touched my flushed cheeks before I even had the chance to back away from him. The unexpected closeness caught me off guard and had more tears coming, this time because of how much I hated how uncommon this sort of care from him had become.

Harry embraced me. His head buried itself into my neck and both arms wrapped themselves around my waist so he could lift me up from my feet. “Please no, Y/N, Sweetheart. Don’t cry.”

I couldn’t help it. My heart, the final bit that had been whole still, broke in his caring hands and I was overcome and pulled under a wave of grief. That was what I was doing. I was grieving our friendship and the lost hope I’d had for a relationship with him. And he allowed it. He let me cry against his collarbones without any complaint and instead began to hum quietly, knowing how much his voice always soothed me. Pain shot through my chest. He probably did the same when she was upset.

“I can’t-” I cried, but got cut off by my lungs that burned with need for air.

Harry hushed me, his hold tightening, “Don’t, Y/N. It’s going to be alright.”

I shook my head and loosened the hold I’d taken around his neck. My hands momentarily brushed his soft hair, then I pulled away. Harry hesitated but allowed me to step out of his hold.

“I can’t take it anymore, Harry,” I confessed, my voice breaking halfway through the sentence. I reached up to brush my cheeks with the end of my sleeve and hiccuped. My head felt numb and I knew if I didn’t get out of this kitchen soon, he’d witness a break down I wasn’t comfortable with him seeing.

Harry’s hand reached for my arm. I didn’t fight it when he pulled me closer to him, but avoided his eyes when he leaned down to find my gaze.

“Y/N,” he spoke, his voice rough with emotion, “I promise you, it’ll be alright. M'not leaving, okay? M'not. We’ll figure this out.”

I wanted to scream but all I could was shake my head rapidly. “Figure this out how? What have we become, Harry?”

Another sob wrecked through my chest.

“I don’t know,” he confessed, “But we’re going to find each other again, okay? I promise. Let me say goodbye to the others and then we’ll go for a walk or something. We’ll talk. About everything and nothing at all… Just like we always used to, yeah?”

Used to. So long ago, it seemed.

“Okay,” I whispered, my burning eyes set on my feet. My skin shivered under his warmth and my lips hurt from how much I was bitting them.

I flinched when his mouth pressed a kiss to my head. The skin was left with a burning sensation. “Wait for me here, love.”

Harry’s quick feet carried him out of the kitchen and left me standing by the counter with my heart at the pit of my stomach. I stood up straight and brushed the few remaining tears from my cheeks. My skin tingled and I felt the hint of a smile on my lips, even though my body ached.
Looking back now, I wish I would have stayed put by the counter and had waited for him just like he’d asked me to. I wish I hadn’t been impatient and eager to reunite with Harry, because that eagerness drove me to exit the kitchen shortly after him and turn the corner, allowing me clear view into the living room.
There he stood. His arms around her thin form, his hands in her long hair and his lips kissing hers. All air was knocked right out of me. I could see how his hands gently moved against her neck, bringing her in closer and their bodies flush together. When their lips parted for a moment, I could see how he let his tongue run along his lower lip, as if he wanted to make sure he got all of her taste. And I could see him smile warmly at her, right before he leaned back in to connect their mouths once more. This sight… it burned.
I didn’t wait for him. Because I had been wrong before. My heart wasn’t truly broken until that moment, witnessing the man I loved with my everything, kissing a woman who wasn’t me. And if he wasn’t going to leave me, if he was just going to keep me close and allow my heart to shatter over and over again, then I supposed I would have to be the one to go first.
So that’s what I did. I walked back to the entryway, slid on my jacket, picked up my bag, and left the house. Left, to never come back to Harry Styles.

Keep reading

just because you love someone does not mean you should be with them. i felt a love from a very young age and for a while, it was the best part of me. but as time went on and the love grew, i lost myself. i felt as if i didn’t know who i was anymore and there weren’t simple moments between us anymore. we weren’t worried about the things that brought us together, we only focused on the things that pushed us apart. it felt like we wanted to fight more than just to love one another. i so desperately wanted that person with me forever. he was my bestfriend. i could talk to him about anything and everything, and there wasn’t a single person on this planet that knew me better than he did. but things don’t work out sometimes, and you have to accept and move on. although he is not in my life anymore and i have found someone knew, he exists deeply in my memory. we shouldn’t view ex companions as bad people, we should speak kindly of them and let people know the impact they once had on us, because they most likely helped shape the person you are today. i am thankful for my past, and hopeful about my future.
[TRANS] NYLON Magzine April Issue with NCT 127 — Ment

TAEIL
“When I was a high school student, I somewhat wanted to become a zookeeper. Since I really like animals, I wanted to take care of the animals in my neighbourhood. But after a bit of research, I gave up. The competition rate is high. Somehow, I became an idol where the competition is even more intense, haha. There are two happiest moments in my life, when I passed the SM Audition and when it was confirmed that I will debut with NCT. When I passed the audition, I was so happy I screamed, and when it was confirmed that I will debut, I bursted into tears. Especially when they confirmed my debut, really… I cried and cried until my eyes were puffy. Do you understand this feeling? It’s like there is a clear, bright flamelight somewhere over there, I know there is a bright world, but I feel like I’m just as in the dark as before. I have lived as a trainee for about three years and a half, every day I had this feeling, the moment it was announced that I am going to debut, it was like crawling out of a lonely tunnel. A world filled with bright and golden light, as if El Dorado unfolded in my life. That was a year ago, but even to this day, I still feel good and bewildered. Sometimes when I go on holidays, it really amazes me how on the streets and in shops I go to, there are people who recognise me. I am still inexperienced and I will work hard. Until I am like ‘Super Junior’s Kyuhyun Hyung… I envy his calm personality as well as his sweet voice and abilities. I also want to have his sense of security (stability). It would be a sense of security to be able to have both experience and skill. “

JOHNNY
“I am Johnny from Chicago. Compared to New York, Chicago is quieter and more relaxed. It’s a city where nothing is too hasty but not overly relaxed, this is why I like Chicago. The fact that I come from Chicago is very important, doesn’t the environment shape a person? I want to be someone who will never forgot where they come from, and I try to keep my wish. I’ve been living in Korea for four to five years now. It feels like I have matured a bit after living in Korea for a while. During this time, I have learned to not only think about myself and to respect the grown-ups. It also made me reflect on the importance of ‘myself’. Idols live in the eyes of others and are obligated to live up to their standards. Under such environments, to avoid losing focus, I have to remember who I am. I constantly think about the questions ‘who am I?’ and ‘what kind of person am I?’. I, Johnny, like DJing and playing the piano. I also wish to become a warm (kind) person, and someone who gives other people strength. My ultimate goal is to become a person who, even though is standing still, can still show their great personality. I am still very much flawed, but please believe that I will become that person. “

TAEYONG
“It’s NCT’s leader, Taeyong. NCT127 gave me a lot. I got a job called (being an) idol, I came into the company and met a lot of nice adults, most of all, I made a lot of friends. To me, the members are my best friends. Although I am the leader, rather than me leading the members, there are more times when they helped me. When I was young, I could paint and play the piano, I had a good reputation for expressing myself, and I often received praises, but it wasn’t easy for me to get close to people quickly. Do you like films by Studio Ghibli? I really like them, but the main characters in these films, why are they slightly different from others, they live alone and are lonely, but if you get to know, they are all good people. I’m talking about characters like Howl in ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’. I think I’m that kind of character, after we became NCT I have eight friends. I am grateful. Still, the times that I spend alone are also very important to me. Therefore, no matter how busy I am, when schedules finish I go to the training room alone and dance or practice singing and tidy my thoughts. I think that having time alone has the power of helping me grow and endure the pressure of busy schedules and life as an entertainer. It is my goal to continue to express the days I have lived, the days a youth lived, through rap and music, and after gaining a lot of experience and knowledge, I have a dream of becoming an adult. I want to be a real grown-up who can help and guide the way for the juniors.”

YUTA
“I have this phrase I always say whenever I introduce myself “I’m manly mountain man Yuta”. I really like mountains. In Japanese, the pronunciation of ‘mountain’ and 'top’ is the same. That’s why I’m manly mountain man Yuta. Ah, I really like mountains. Before debut, whenever there was time to spare, I used to go to Bukhansan, Namsan-dong and every mountain in Seoul City alone, whether big or small. Whenever I’m at the mountains, my mind feels like it has been cleaned and I feel at ease. I thought of becoming a singer because of TVXQ sunbaenim. I wanted to become a soccer player when I was young. But after watching TVXQ, everything changed. They were really cool and they felt like gods to me… But after debuting, it’s harder than I thought it would be. Above all,  there’s no free time, I don’t have time to go to my favorite mountains anymore… One day when I was in a lot of stress I asked our EXO sunbaenim “Until when will this be hard?” they answered it will take three years to give up everything and I firstly will need work to my fullest. That advice gave me strength, I thought 'Ah, our Hyungs also went through a lot of hardship’  and this made my heart feel more at ease.
But whenever I’m tired, I’d like to watch sports documentaries. Soccer players in the A-League have to repeat the same strategy for years to improve their own skill. When I look at it, I think of their 'professional spirit’ and I want to become a person like that too. After all, everything is a fight against yourself. Whenever I don’t feel like practicing or just want to laze around. I think it’s important to keep pushing myself. Like this, I want to keep moving forward one step at a time. It’s just like climbing a mountain.”

DOYOUNG
I have an episode (story) that shows well what kind of person I am. When I was in elementary school I wanted to eat an ice cream so I went and bought it but
a car had rolled over my legs. But, I never let go of my ice cream for even one moment. Even when going to the hospital and arriving in the emergency room, I still held on to my ice cream tightly. In the end, I couldn’t eat my ice cream because it all melted. But this shows that when there’s a thing I really like, I tend to only think about that thing. Right now, I’m struck by our team’s music. The music I can do alone and the music and voices I can do when the 9 of us are together are definitely different. Nowadays, I think a lot about what kind of music our team would fit best. I don’t want to do just common things. Music is a 'proof of existence’ to me. Since I was young, I really liked singing but my parents never really told me 'good job’. To prove my ability, I started to participate in singing competitions. And when I was in high school, I went to the singing contest hosted by the province and got the first prize. That’s when my family started to acknowledge my singing ability. Since then, music has always seemed to give me a feeling of “this is it.” I don’t really have a role model, but I want to be a vocalist who can be recognized after singing just a single line. Like Adam Levine or Lyn sunbaenim. By the way, do you know Lyn’s song 'Love U. . Love U’? You should have a listen. It’s a song accompanied by a piano with delicate vocals

JAEHYUN
“ When I was young, at home I would frivolously laugh well and would have a talkative personality but strangely at school words wouldn’t come out. I’m also shy and somehow felt like I should stay quiet too… That’s why I spent a lot of time alone and my 4th grade elementary school teacher recommended extracurricular activities. I then realized the joy of standing in front of people for the first time doing variety of activities. I think the joy I felt at that time made me do it today. In fact, it’s still nice and fun to be standing in front others and not being burdened. However, it’s hard when I’m not as strong as I expect. Even if you practice but your skills don’t change, do something else. If you can’t dance, sing, when singing falls into a slump, you can watch a movie… Then a moment to be okay will come. I realized as I went many time through that process that I was interested in dancing, singing, movies and so on. That’s what I’m all about. Eventually, it’s obvious but it’s true that you have to be a good person to be a great artist. Being known is nice and receiving love is nice too but I want to be a better person. Someone who doesn’t deceive, someone who is confident of himself. And after a decade, he continues to endlessly finding out what he likes diligently, I want to be someone who continues to enjoy. A person who doesn’t lose his enthusiasm for what he does, that’s the kind of person I find cool. “ \

WINWIN
“ I’m Winwin from China. I have a deep fear of strangers. I’m also more of the shy type. However, if we’re close then I’m a completely different person. I play around a lot… NCT members all tease me for being a “heodang” (T/N: someone who looks perfect but acts stupid) Ah, furthermore! I am a smart person. When me or any of my friends have problems, I can solve them all! Don’t believe me? It’s for real. When my friends encounter problems they always find me first. Because of school, starting from middle school I had to leave my family in Wenzhou to go to Beijing alone. Compared to other people my age, I think I’ve developed a better ability to control and cope with situations. Therefore I was able to adjust to life in Korea without difficulty. I’ve been in Korea for a year and a half and met a lot of cool people. EXO’s Lay hyung is one of them. Dancing and singing, he is good at them both but besides that Lay hyung has a charisma that’s unexplainable in words. I want to also have my own kind of charm someday. My story, what else? Someday I want to act. I’m confident I can cooly play a the lead character in a film about everyday life. Also, I like R&B… my favorite song? I’ll let you know next time. If I tell you too much about me, the charm will be gone! “

MARK
I have a lot of laughter. I laugh about things that don’t make sense and when I was young, I was a kid with a lot of high spirits. Nonetheless, isn’t it more pleasant to be positive rather than depressed? I started <High School Rapper> with a cheerful mind. I did not come with the thought of wanting to compete and win the first place. The thought of wanting to learn was bigger. But when I went out, it was more stimulating than I thought. It’s also a place where I can see the talents of kids of my age around the country, and there are a lot of great friends. Above all, I have already debuted and come from a huge company. I have a lot of people who can help me and guide me. However, these kids who came out there in the competition are alone and they practice alone, I really respect that courage and will. At first, when it started, it was good to have fun, but I have to work hard too, as far as I can. I rap a lot for the team (NCT) but now it seems a bit funny to separate myself from being a rapper or a singer. From now on, without being bound to one restricted area, I want to be an artist who makes good songs and expresses them. Like Michael Jackson’s 'Man in the Mirror’, I want to create a song that is bright and is hopeful for people. The kind of music that can have a good influence on the world. That is my dream.

HAECHAN
“I’m NCT 127’s youngest Haechan. I’m in charge of being the 'cutie boy’, haha, these are not my words but the hyungs. The Hyungs really adore me a lot. Instead of giving you a common introduction, I will tell you the songs of my life. The first one is 'Hello’ by Huh Gak sunbaenim. Since I was young, I liked this song a lot. My parents both play music so naturally, I thought I would also definitely play music too. And one day, my mom came and said: “there’s an audition, let’s give it a go”. I went with a light heart and thought of having fun but unexpectantly, I passed the audition in one try. The song I sang at that time was 'Hello’ from Huh Gak sunbaenim. That’s how I got through the auditions and started my trainee life. I didn’t really know at the time but I seemed to hit puberty when I was fifteen. My mood swings were pretty severe. Whenever I cried, I would go to a dark room and listen to 'She’s Out of My Life’ or `You Are Not Alone’. It was Michael Jackson who seemed to have protected me during my puberty. Also, more important than any other song of my life is NCT’s debut song 'Fire Truck’. I was dazed and confused when I recorded the song, but listening to it now I realize it’s a great song. I think 'Fire Truck’ will be my song of life until I die. When I look back, I think about all the other debuted teams when we debuted and watched the sunbaenims who had already debuted. The teams, who made their debut together with us, were also very good and talented. I thought that 'I cannot hold too much hope, if we don’t work hard enough we will be buried (underneath the other teams)’ and worked even harder after our debut. I’m practicing these days to improve singing and dancing. Although I still lack a lot, I will do well. I’ll have more confidence in myself.”

Translation: Teddy, Selin, Rini, Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: NYLON April Issue

Please take out with full credit

Here’s the thing.

I am a transgender man (see photo of my mug for context).

I love all trans people and I love non binary people. But lately some of my trans spaces (both on the web and irl) that are mainly non binary have started to feel a little hostile.

I want to make something perfectly clear before I continue - I love and respect non binary people, I think their genders are valid and I am in no way suggesting they are any less important that myself or any other binary trans person. I also need you to understand that this isn’t meant to be a post calling out non binary people at all, it is just me talking about my personal experiences in the hope that it can get people to be a little more considerate sometimes?

In university spaces, it seems that there is a growing population of non binary people that tends to dominate trans groups. Which is good in lots of ways, especially since it shows how this generation has become much more relaxed and aware that gender is a construct and fluidity is key. However, amongst people I know there is a lot of ‘ew gross men’, or 'ew gross trans men that are masculine’, while at the same time being predominantly DFAB populations.

Now trust me, I very much understand the dislike a lot of dfab trans people have of men. A lot of us are survivors and I think that does play a big part in how we feel about the gender overall. Not to mention it is not uncommon for men to be, for lack of a better word- wankers. However, I don’t think people consider trans men when we are talking about this.

Making a comment like 'ew men are so fucking gross’ to a room of trans people means that to a trans man you are saying one of two things - 1) you are gross, or 2) you aren’t gross because you’re not a Real Man, and you are excluded from this statement because you are and always will be, partly a woman. Even now I feel uncomfortable 'complaining’ about this. I have to remind myself that just as suggesting that a trans woman is somehow different to other women would be considered incredibly offensive, so is it for trans men.

I didn’t realise how much this stuff affected me until it did. Constantly being around people that talk about, how body hair on men is gross, masculinity is by default toxic, making jokes about my masculinity being toxic when I excitedly tell people that I’ve started going to the gym and its making me feel better about my body. No, it’s not funny. It’s MY dysphoria I’m trying to ease. I as a trans person want to feel supported and loved when I do things that have a chance of making me feel good about my body.

It hit me like a brick wall when I realised how much it had affected me. I was with my partner, and was trying to have sex, but I just broke down. I felt so incredibly disgusted with my body and myself. So much hair, so masculine. The noises I made, gross. The way I touched him, creepy. I couldn’t get out of my head the idea that later in life he would talk to people about how gross and unshaven I was, just like I had heard friends describe ex boyfriends so many times before.

I felt cheated because these were the changes I WANTED my body to make. But now they felt ruined. Spoiled.
It was after that realisation that I decided I had to get out. I stopped going to some of student socials and instead started attending a group for older trans people. It was so refreshing to meet other trans men for once (just because I rarely meet them at uni, and it was nice to talk to someone similar.) It was awesome to be around people who weren’t shitty about trans people being stealth (as I remember I once was.)

There are some important things to take away from all of this:

1) Telling trans boys and men that they are disgusting for wanting to be like men will only destroy self esteem and feed into the toxic environment that a lot of cis boys grow up in.

2) Non binary people are extremely valid and awesome, but also must accept they have a responsibility to cultivate a supportive and friendly atmosphere in spaces where they are dominant (I put this in here for university spaces especially)

3) Laughing at a trans man/woman for being excessively masc/fem presenting if you are a dfab nb person who mainly presents as fem or androgynous is facetious and not respecting that they may have to present that way to stay safe, (especially in the case of trans women that may be more 'obviously trans’) and that despite suffering prejudice in many ways, the one thing you are not realistically facing is street violence and such because you inevitably are not going to be clocked as trans. (which yes, does NOT make your transness invalid but we have to respect the different struggles people in our community face.)

4) Someone being stealth does not mean they are adhering to 'toxic gender roles’. It means they are either 1) trying to be safe or 2) surprise surprise they want to live their life as the gender they identify with. Trans people are not less legitimately trans because you think they are 'acting cis’.

5) Being a binary trans person does not give you privilege over nb people. Like seriously, trans women are literally the most likely to be murdered. Don’t be a dick. Erasure is a problem yes but it’s not the same. I read names out at the TDOR vigil and pretty much all of them were trans women of colour. Respect that. Help the community. This isn’t about scoring points over who has it the shittiest.

6) The idea that the only good kinda of trans men are 'soft sensitive kinda trans masc guys that don’t have surgeries and shave all their body hair’ is shitty and offensive (tho that kind of trans man is totally valid, that not what i mean). Its shitty because one you’re sexualising them either as more childlike or more feminine (both is rude, former is creepy), but its perpetuating the idea that trans men aren’t really men and the best ones are the ones that YOU think still kinda look suitably enough like women.

With the “Wanted” event coming up I’m going to talk about something that’s been bugging me about su that I don’t see many other people talking about and the reason I am preemptively pissed off about the whole thing: Backgrounds

When su started the backgrounds where always really nicely done and a huge part of why i loved the show as it really didn’t look like a ton of other shows out there. Even with other shows that had more detailed backgrounds like gravity falls (especially towards the end) I always felt that su’s had the most stylistic cohesion which I admit is a personal bias but what the hell.

Backgrounds were creative, very nice looking and fit with the character designs very well and they still look really pretty.

I mean look at these! they’re so nice and sparkly and detailed! there was effort and style and substance and it looks great.

Back when homeworld had just been introduced i saw a lot of fan concepts about what it would look like and i was super pumped to see it since it would be an entirely new and creative environment that a talented group of artists would be creating and visualizing. Now we’re actually going (technically for the second time) and what do we get?

literally just colors in geometric shapes for character to float around in.

even in the more detailed shots they still don’t try that hard

they’re still messy and not quite as detailed.

su has been suffering from backgroung-sucking-itis for a while now and in my humble opinion watching this happen over the seasons it’s been a downward slope of less effort being put in and a reliance on the soft lined gradient style of the backgrounds.

not only have the backgrounds become less detailed but now the characters don’t even blend in with the backgrounds and just kind of.. float

the sharp thick lines and bright colors of the characters and the soft thin-lined pastel backgrounds don’t… really,, blend anymore and no one has shadows and where both the characters and bg are steadily looking worse its just.. sad at this point.

i started this post planning to rant and honestly? im just sad and disappointed and the backgrounds aren’t shiny and sparkly and nice anymore and all the characters look really ugly and homeworld looks like some random abstract screensavers and im.. tired.

By Way of Spontaneity (Part 8)

Summary: On a whim, Bucky declares you to be his girlfriend to his grandma and mother. They’re eager to meet you and he asks you to pretend to be with him for just one dinner with his family. But is that really all?

Word Count: 1,074

Warnings: None.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

A/N: INBOX IS HERE. I know you wanna scream. :) 

Originally posted by pandasubaru


Bucky snapped his fingers in front of your eyes, calling out your name. After what seemed like hours, you blinked and looked up at him, your face crestfallen. He slowed down the car significantly as he leaned over to you, to try to see your screen.

You shook your head and brought the phone to your chest. “No.”

“What’s wrong with you? What did you see?”

Before you could answer, Nat’s screeching voice tore through the device’s speaker and you startled, bringing it up to your ear.

“H-Hello?”

“Did you see it? Oh, my God! Did you see the freakin’ picture?”

“Yes,” you answered curtly. “I saw it.”

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Suga Daddy: Part 8

Suga Daddy: 8

Word count: 8.3k

Genre/Warnings: angst, dirty talk, language 

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Summary: Yoongi tells you about his past but is terrified of how you’ll take it.

This came a little early than expected. Anyway, enjoy and thanks for reading.

Parts: {playlist} one | two | three | four | five | six | seven 

Everything felt like it was playing out and slow-motion and all you were doing was twirling the flowers in your hand. You were nauseated and your mind was racing with every possible scenario. You knew that Yoongi couldn’t have a squeaky clean record. Especially with his attitude and the way he talked to you sometimes. For some reason you still loved him, despite that.

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For Your Eyes Only

Ships: Katsuki Yuuri/Vikor Nikifoorov, Katsuki Yuuri & Lee Seung GIl

Summary: Yuuri once told Victor that Phichit was the only foreign skater he considered a friend.Yuuri lied. 

He’s been Seung-gil’s dirty little secret for well over a year.

Review: I woke up today with back pain from sleeping on the floor, pissed at my lack of breakfast options, and also to gross, hot and humid weather courtesy of the tropics. 

But then someone linked me to this fic AND NOW MY SKIN IS CLEAR, MY BACK IS HEALED, MY CROPS WATERED, BLESS JESUS FOR THIS GIFT FROM THE HEAVENS.

If you were around tumblr last week you’ve probably seen zephyrine-gale’s doggo lovers art, which was absolutely beautiful and adorable – the first time I saw it I thought immediately “Yes this is canon no you cannot convince me otherwise.” What I didn’t know then was that I wanted two thousand words of this broship and I GOT IT ANYWAY. 

Of course 99% of those two thousand words is just Yuuri freaking out in hilarious ways (Minako is Black Widow?? !!!  Is Seung Gil a hockey spy????!!!). I have no words for this broship – because they don’t have any words for it either. These STOOPID NERD BOIS WHO REFUSE TO TALK ABT THEIR FEELINGS communicate exclusively via a complicated language of texts, dog videos, and if you’re Phichit and you Believe, a secret code of compulsory figures on fresh ice. 

In the spirit of Seung-Gil and Yuuri’s “No Talk, Just Dogs” policy, the rest of this review is brought to you in dog reaction GIFS.

me cackling at the whole fic

Originally posted by everythinginheregleams

what the whole thing probably felt like to viktor, poor guy didn’t know EVERYTHING about his fiance after all: 

Originally posted by wbimpala67

phichit making up wild conspiracy theories:

Originally posted by trollerderby

seung gil in person vs seung gil via text 

Originally posted by decepcione-se

Originally posted by natforprez

ok that’s enough dog gifs from me BUT THERE CAN NEVER BE ENOUGH FOR OUR DOGGO BROS SEUNG GIL AND YUURI 

Link Here

Billion Dollar Man

Kwon Jiyong/ G Dragon X Reader

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Moodboard by @memoiresofaneternaldreamer

When you originally pulled the invitation from your mailbox you thought it had been yet another wedding invitation from one of your college friends. The elaborate gold writing on the black envelope, wrapped in actual lace. It was easy to assume from its elegance that it would be something like that.

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Painting Nails | 27.04.17
  • Dan: Okay, let's do this. Phil?
  • Phil: Yeah?
  • Dan: Why won't you paint your nails?
  • Phil: Why won't I paint my nails?
  • Dan: Yeah.
  • Phil: I just don't think I'd suit it. But the main reason is I don't like having things on me. Like if I've got face paint-
  • Dan: You don't like accessories.
  • Phil: No.
  • Dan: You'd never get a tattoo.
  • Phil: No - I've already talked about this - shout out to everyone who has a tattoo. Me personally just having that on my hand is like I have a felt pen on my hand...
  • Dan: I hate it. It made me go crazy. I was just nippling it off in the night.
  • Phil: I can't remember what it was but I did have some on for some reason. I think someone at university like painted my nails just for fun. And I just wanted to rip off my own hands after about twenty minutes, so that is why I don't paint my nails.
  • Dan: Hmm.
  • Phil: 'Cause I want to rip my f-hands off.
  • Dan: I was just doing it for the aesthetic. I was like here I am, I'm going outside, I'm being active on Instagram, I'm going to make an effort to curate some... you know... concept.
  • Phil: Yeah. Concept.
  • Dan: And one day I thought: Grey long sweater, Gatorland bedazzled hat, glittery nails - it just works.
→ Paper Doll | 02

Originally posted by jengkook

pairing → Jungkook x Reader

genre → idol+singer-songwriter!au, drama, slight angst, smut

 warning  sex, language

word count   → 4.7k

 summary   → When the nation’s little sister, IU, gets into a huge scandal, your agency seizes the opportunity to thrust you into that now vacant spotlight. Your self-composed song Paper Doll becomes an overnight sensation, and soon people are itching to find out who was the one who broke your heart. All hell breaks loose once netizens discover that you used to date popular idol, Jeon Jungkook. Little do they know that it wasn’t him who left the relationship unscathed –  it was you.

↳ alternatively: a story on the consequences of a hit break-up song

i | ii 

 a/n  → i haven’t even been on tumblr for a week and askdjjj I can’t believe how many people liked pt. i –  also, I know absolutely nothing about songwriting or music theory, or anything really, so this is me bullshitting my way through 4k words that i haven’t proofread



You associated every song of yours to a specific time and place.

The whimsical cluster chords that opened up Blue Afternoon made you think of the view from your window last spring. Looking down on the busy streets of Seoul from your flat, a crowding of umbrellas had danced to the sound of heavy rain, and you had been immediately struck with a melody line.

That was your favorite part of songwriting – that moment when you finally had something, after having absolutely nothing.

Ironically enough, out of all the songs on your album, you disliked Paper Doll the most.

Even before it had been propelled to the top of the music charts, the song had never been a favorite. The melody line was catchy but predictable, with the most common chord progressions and an overproduced chorus. The people reviewing your songs during the album production had all loved it, however, and they had adamantly decided to push it as a title track.

It was amusing how people presumed the song described a devastating heartbreak between you and your first love. They weren’t exactly wrong, but their interpretation was completely off. Still, you weren’t stupid enough to disapprove their theories. If they wanted to believe that your first boyfriend was a heartless playboy, then that wasn’t your problem.

At least you had never thought it would have to be a problem.

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anonymous asked:

Dan talks about sexuaity in pop and brings up Miley and al that, "So has Harry personally labelled his sexuality?He replies: “No, I’ve never felt the need to really. No.”Would he like to elaborate? “I don’t feel like it’s something I’ve ever felt like I have to explain about myself.” Then he brings up all of his exes.

i think the quote before that is even more pointed: “it’s weird for me - everyone should just be who they want to be. it’s tough to justify somebody having to answer to someone else about stuff like that”

anonymous asked:

I know your crazy busy with life and use your writing time for drive and winter song but... Could you write a smol sick fic? Nothing long or extravagant! It would be a blessing.

Summary: Yuuri falls ill during a practice at the Ice Castle. Pre-Episode 5.

***

When Victor excused himself from practice to take a quick phone call, Yuuri was fine. Perhaps a little quieter than normal while he rehearsed a combination spin out on the Ice Castle rink, one gloved hand extended gracefully overhead, but there was no indication that anything was wrong.

He was fine.

How that changed so quickly was anyone’s guess.

Victor was gone for less than five minutes, and when he returned, Yuuri was on his knees in the center of the rink with his head in his hands. Victor took one look and started running, even before he fully registered what he was seeing. He wasn’t wearing his skates for practice today, but that didn’t stop him from running out onto the ice and slipping and sliding for the first few steps before he regained his balance.

“Yuuri.” Victor came to a clumsy stop in front of him, and when he dropped to his knees, the ice soaked through the fabric of his pants. He grasped Yuuri’s shoulder and said, “What happened. Did you fall?”

Yuuri was shaking. His face was so pale that even his lips had lost their color, and he kept squeezing his eyes shut and reopening them as if to clear his vision. “Dizzy,” he said.

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"You are a good guy, Zach" (Zach Dempsey imagine)

I know this is blog about Riverdale, but I have some Zach Dempsey vibes a few days and I wanted to write an imagine of how I see him as character. I hope you don’t mind. Just enjoy!
P.S. you can send me any ideas. If you want about Riverdale - do it, if you want about 13 reasons why - do it. Just do it haha

WARNINGS: none I think, maybe some fluff and angst? Thats it.

———————–

Some people decides how to act around different people. If they want to show their weak, honest, popular, beautiful or most realistic side of them. Wanting them to show you their realistic side, you have to make them believe, trust and be by their side when they need you the most. It feels like everyone does it, right? Somewhat, yes. Of course, one of them was Zach Dempsey. In school he is guy-who-doesn’t-care or ,how you want me to say, fuck boy.
I met Zach on my first day in Liberty High School. We were in our freshman year. He was already surrounded by group of people who made him laugh. I was standing by my locker, while my body was occupied by anxiety. Two different people in one place. But long story short, I had huge argument with Zach in one of the parties, it made him came at me in school and ask me if I wanted to grab a cup of coffee with him. I gave him a shot and now we are best friends. Best friend who got to see his realistic side, besides his family. The only answer how it happened is - I was by his side, I always supported him and made him feel better about his insecurities. Usually guys don’t know what is joke and what is serious. He may be pain in the ass, but he is caring, gold hearted and friendly. Sometimes he gets angry by stupid things, then he regrets, but doesn’t show. Because he is “the cool guy”, right?
His mom had to work in another side of the country, his sister went to friends house to have “girly weekend” and Zach wanted to have a rest from all parties. On this Friday evening he asked me to come at his place and have some dinner, because it’s been quite long time since we hang out. Somehow it felt like he tried avoid me and I didn’t knew why.
“The way you and your friends called that kid… Wasn’t really nice” I said as I tried to reach plates from the kitchen cupboard. Zach walked next to me and without any problems reached plates and gave it to me.“Thank you” I smiled at him.
“It was just for fun. Plus I didn’t started, Justin was the first one” He shrugged like it was just another casual accident.
“Well that doesn’t let you to be part of this. Just because you’re in Basketball team with popular kids, doesn’t mean you can say shit to other people, Zach!” I raised my voice lightly. I just shook my head and filled our plates with food.
“Are we going to fight, because of this?” Zach asked.
“No.” I putted plates on the table and sat on the chair. “Are you going to stand there or what?” I tried to sound as nicer as I could. He listened to me and did as I said. At first between us was an awkward silence, so to dissipate this vibe I started to talk.
“I know you’re kind guy and what are you doing with your friends… This isn’t you. Because I know you too well. You’re a good guy, Zach”
“But I have friends. They are for me by my side.” Zach tried to defend his, not so nice, friends.
“By calling you a mommies boy, because you care about your family? Excuse me? They are by your side, because…” I stood silent for a few seconds “Nevermind”.
“I guessed that we are going to have a nice dinner after long time, but as I can see, I was wrong, (Y/N)” I heard growing anger in his voice. He finished his meal and walked to the kitchen counter.
“I’m just worried about you. I’m sorry that I act like mom.” I finished my meal too and walked where he was standing. There was that silence again, but I didn’t said anything anymore. I walked in the living room and sat on the couch. My fingers were rushing through every social medias wall. Until I felt body sitting next to me.
“I know I’m doing wrong and I would destroy anyone who would say anything horrible to my sister. But I’m afraid of loosing friends, being rejected, sometimes I’m even afraid to be physically alone.” Zach sighed and I looked up at him. He was playing nervously with his fingers.
“But you’re not alone. You have family who is loving you and believing in you, you have me. All of your group is hiding insecurities behind their words to other people, like all of you want other people to feel the way you feel and I know this feeling. But sometimes you should talk about your insecurities or whats going on inside your head instead of bullying people who did nothing. With your insecurities you can kill human being with words.” I took his hand and tried to comfort him. “You know, the stick has two ends”
“You’re right. Maybe I should stop having my head inside my ass” He giggled.
“You’re not a bad person, Zach. You just should stop being like everyone else.”
He moved slightly next to me and hugged me tightly. After our hug broke, I just putted my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat.
Zach cleared his throat and started to talk.
“I’m sorry that I avoided you. I just wasn’t feeling myself for a while.”
“Thats okay, everyone have these days.” I looked up at him. We were just staring at each other until I felt my cheeks heating up. I giggled and looked down. I slightly moved away from Zach and nervously started to bit my lip.
“Is everything okay?” I heard his raspy voice.
“Yeah, s-s-sure” I said. There was intense feeling between us, so I started to shake my leg nervously.
“If this is because what happened about a minute ago…”
“No, no, no. I mean, yes.” I started to mumble.
“I love you, (Y/N)” Zach said with shaky voice. It felt like my brain stopped working and in my stomach was flying million butterflies. I just looked at him with shock. “For a long time. It’s now or never, am I right?” He giggled. It felt like he tried to hide his shyness.
“I love you too, Zach” I giggled and looked at him, even if my face burned. But his face had lightly red spots too.
“What? Really?” He was surprised.
“Everyone loves you” I laughed.“So why I wouldn’t love you too? Just in different way.”
Zach suddenly leaned into me and kissed me on my lips. This kiss was soft and careful, but full of feeling. Like he didn’t wanted me to break, like I was a glass and he wanted to keep me.
I placed my hands on his neck, while his hands hold my head. Our kiss broke and he touched his forehead next to mine. I opened my eyes and saw him looking at me. His eyes were shining, his mouth transformed into beautiful smile.
“Thank you, God” He giggled.
This is the Zach I know, the one and only.