i felt like i should still do something

I haven’t been very active on social media for a couple of months I think, so I thought I should at least post something haha.
I’ve been gone for various reasons, but mostly since there’s still nothing interesting going on and I still don’t know when the hospital will be ready for me.
So I’ve mostly just been depressed and haven’t really been doing anything, which isn’t really any interesting content. Nor have I had any reasons to take new pictures for filler-content.

But yeah, felt like I should make some sort of update at least, and I even threw an old selfie in there, woooh!

the edge of the unthinkable

basically what would have happened if chapter 61 was the other way round // seeing as it’s snowbaz’s anniversary I felt I should write something. It’s a bit of a mess but I hope you enjoy :) 

I’ve always thought myself intelligent, but at this moment in time I’m about as dense as Simon Snow.

Bloody Snow. He’s all bones and curls and constellations of freckles.

Impossibly beautiful, even with that wild, distraught look in his eyes.

I don’t know why I’ve followed him here (probably because I’m in love with him). I still don’t know what he’s doing, apart from the fact that I don’t like the look of the cliff behind him.

“Snow – ” I venture, not expecting to be able to finish my sentence, waiting for him to interrupt me like we’ve been doing to eachother for years.

(At this point I want to just let him. I want to roll over and surrender and just let him win).

His eyes are glittering, their normal everyday blue reduced to flames of pain and hurt. “Fuck off, Baz!”

He’s too close to the edge of the cliff, too close to the unthinkable, and I wish yet again that we had never come here, never chose to try and find out the truth about Simon’s mother. I wish that she had never come through the veil in the first place, even if it means I’m closer to Snow now than I ever thought I would be. (Still enemies. But that’s not going to change).

“Si – Snow, calm down. You’re behaving like an idiot.”

“You don’t understand!” he practically howls, his magic fizzing and churning in the air, so thick I can taste it. “I killed her, Baz! She died because I was born!” He takes a step back and I want to scream at him, pin him down so he stops moving so he can’t do anything stupid.

“Snow.” I try to keep my voice calm; it’s swallowed by the wind and the force of his magic. “Get away from the cliff.”

“You don’t understand.” His voice is a broken whisper. His heels brush the thin air while the sea churns below.

“Lucy loved you!” I yell over the wind. “She called you her ‘rosebud boy’.”

Blue eyes, bronze curls. An outline drawn with shaky hands and watercolour paint.

I hate that I love him.

“This is what I deserve.” A small, broken smile plays across the shattered hurt of his face, his eyes pools of pain.

And he turns towards the empty air. Towards the edge of nothing and the boiling, churning sea below.

And the world falls in on itself like a dying star, because, let’s face it – Simon Snow is a supernova, the centre of the universe. Without him, there is only oblivion.

He is infinity, and he thinks he is a monster.

Simon!” His name is torn from me and hangs, raw and desperate, in the air. Before I can think about it, my wand is in my hand and pointing at him.

Make a wish!” I scream. Simon seems to stumble, as if hooked in the air.

Time stops.

And my hand is reaching for him, grasping the back of his jacket and pulling him towards me, away from the endless drop, away from the unthinkable.

“This isn’t what I deserve,” I hiss as I drag him away, my arms around his chest. He collapses on top of me, a shaking, sobbing mess of curls and freckles and tear-streaked cheeks.

“Snow.” I whisper. My hand traces his back, gently, awkwardly. The boy I love is in my arms, but, God, I wish he wasn’t.

Not like this.

Never like this.

“You idiot,” I mutter as he sobs into my shoulder. He finally looks up, his ordinary blue eyes red and dull with grief for the mother he never got to know. “I killed her, Baz.”

I grasp his shoulders, angry now. “Simon Snow, you are a fool. You didn’t kill her. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I’m a monster.”

“You’re beautiful.” The words slip out in a long-withheld torrent. “You – you’re the centre of the universe. “

And then, because I’m weak. Because the I want to hold him and keep him safe forever. Because I’m tired of pretending for years.

“For fucks sake, I love you. God knows I wish I didn’t. But I do. Hopelessly. Simon-”

And then he kisses me.


I still dream about it sometimes. The cliff and the sea and how close I was to losing him.

But I always wake up, and he’s there. Simon Snow, all sunlight skin and golden curls and constellations of freckles.

Every morning I wake up to the boy I love in my arms, and this time, it’s perfect.

Okay I don’t want to start drama, but I wanted to make a point about the issue with Pewdiepie.

Whether or not Felix meant what he said, he still said it at a time when the world is in chaos regarding minorities.  He said what he said at a time when his TRUE opinion on the matter REALLY means something.  He was careless with his words and whom those words might hurt.  Even if it was a joke, which I do believe it was, there are some things you should never joke about.  Felix is not the devil incarnate, and this does not make him the scum of the earth.  What it DOES make him is someone who made a very bad, insensitive call and refuses to listen to anyone about it.

I just hope he learns from this mistake.

The Bellarke kiss is going to be so filled with angst

That is my prediction. Jason likes to do this. Torture his audience. So what is the most heartbreaking kiss I can think of?

Well, I think this season is going to end like season 1 but in reverse. Bellamy closes the door on Clarke and her fate will be up in the air (at least until very soon after the finale airs where we get confirmation she is still alive).

Clarke told Finn and L how she felt when she thought/knew they would die. So I think she is going to tell Bell when she thinks she is going to die.

So in the finale there should be a situation where someone needs to do something that could kill them. Clarke will be adamant on doing it and of course Bell will try and stop her. So she reaches the door as he reaches her. When she turns around, the look on her face and the tears in her eyes takes him back for a second. He starts to talk “Clarke..” and that is when she kisses him, letting him know how she feels through the kiss. She pulls back, tears running down her cheeks, and she walks out the door leaving a stunned Bell behind. He is of course horrified but he also understands her choice and closes the door that is still ajar.


“I know.”

“Then why?”

Because it’s what they need. Because they’ve lost their focus on the goal. Because maybe. Maybe. Maybe if something slaps them in the face they’ll realize what they need to do. Because I can be that. I don’t say any of that. I wonder if she sees it playing across my face, though. 

I shrug, “Dunno.”

She doesn’t buy it. “That’s a lie.” She doesn’t have to though, she just has to stay quiet. I lose my bravado for a second when I realize the spot I’m putting her in. But maybe that’s just fuel for the fire. I turn. All I have to do is walk away. But I can’t. I turn to look at her, still half turned.

“If you want to believe that.” I look away. I almost felt like our connection should break or snap or something. But it doesn’t. And I walk away.


I have nothing to update, still waiting for stuff to get going lol.
Since I haven’t been doing shit I rarely put on any makeup to take pictures and the pictures I haven’t uploaded already are rather bad.
But I felt like I should post something atleast, so here we go! Two somewhat decent pictures.

realsjohns  asked:

In my senior year of high school I had a "friend" who gave me gifts out of nowhere daily and pretty much when I wanted to do something I wanted to do he rejects and wants things to go his way. After that I just haven't spoke to him almost and I kinda felt bad since he gave me gifts and such before. I'm unsure how to feel about this so is it a common autistic trait to feel like this and having a problem with saying no? I mean I kinda still feel guilty to this day.

Someone giving you gifts does not obligate you to do anything. A gift should be given without any expectation of reciprocation. So if this person was demanding you do things you didn’t want to do/weren’t comfortable doing, then cutting ties is fine. 

I know there are a lot of autistics who have difficulty saying no, though I think that is more due to social conditioning than something inherent to our neurotype. Many of us, whether through ABA, bullying, or observing social situations, have learned that we shouldn’t say no to things, even though this is not true. I would suggest trying to remind yourself that it is ok to set boundaries and to say no. 


update:   i   know   a   lot   of   you liked   zayn.   i   mean   what’s   not   to   like,   he’s   a   gem,   but   i   felt   like   he   looked   a   bit   too   old   to   be   playing   someone   around   the   age   of   seventeen.   not   to   say   most   face   claims   really   do   fit   the   physical   appearance   of   a   particular   age,   but i   just   felt   that   christian   slater   in   heathers   fit   the   role   a   lot   better.   with   that   being   said,   i   changed   the   first   name   of   him   to   SLATER,   so   please   DO   NOT   approach   him   as   anwar   anymore.    if   you   change   your   mind   on   having   a   thread   with   him   because   of   the   switch,   it’s   fine,   but   it’s   just   an   update   on   what     things   have   been   changed   on   this   profile. 

It was pretty easy for you to walk away. It was easier than it should have been to hear my voice crack over the phone, to beg you one last time to stay. It was easy for you to want all of the good and none of the bad. It was easy for you to pretend you felt nothing when I drunk texted you at three AM and asked,‘Why, why, why’ three times over again. It was easy for you to cut me clean from your life, like a diseased limb or a bullet wound that tore your tendons and ligaments too thin when it pierced your skin. I kept asking myself if there was something I could have done, something I can still do. You wonder why I can’t move on– the only person this was easy for, was you.
—  hd, “This is in no way easy for me.”

anonymous asked:

What are your thoughts on sexism in the sciences? I'm a academic scientist and honestly I've never felt discriminated against or not taken seriously because I'm female. Yet tenure rates, grant approval rates etc suggest otherwise. I identify as feminist more on grounds of principle and on behalf of other women but sometimes it feels disingenuous.

I think every woman should be a feminist regardless of her experiences, but that’s not really your question. Within particular labs or departments, we may not feel like sexism is something that we deal with. But yes, I do believe that sexism is still a major factor in the hard sciences. We still see more female doctors and biologists than physicists or mathematicians, because even in science, certain pursuits are more ladylike. Our culture creates barriers to these achievements, and then constantly challenges the legitimacy of the women who surpass them. Are most scientists sexist assholes? No, not in my experience. Are most scientists working in systems developed by white men that, by design, favor other white men often without realizing it? You bet your Photo 51.


I don’t wanna scare you guys with my art sales I will only give you guys a first look if you would like to see, I will be doing it as something on the side and mostly on my deviant art I am still taking suggestions mostly all the time and won’t pressure anyone to pay for any of the suggestions than they want to give to me. I only wanted to sell so I could make a good use of my hobby, so don’t feel pressured to pay for anything that is a suggestion here, it is only a different kind of support and I understand that not everyone has money.
P.s. I just felt like I should make this clear, thanks

Prompt #17. Them finding out about your powers.


Warnings: Cursing, Fluff. 

Word Count: 998


You stared at yourself in your bathroom mirror. Stressed, and a bit dazed. How the hell were you going to explain everything?

“I have powers…No…No, that’s too forward.” you sighed, trying again.

“Peter, I-uhm..I can control ice.” you rolled your eyes, “No no no! Still, way too forward, but maybe that’s how I should do it maybe I-”

You paused, here you were literally talking to yourself, practicing about how you were gonna tell your best friend how you got ice powers.

Literal queen Elsa.

Keep reading

BTS reaction to a tragedy from your past

Can you do a BTS reaction to finding out that your brother got murdered when you were 11?

I debated for a long time whether I should do this one or not, because it really is sad, but whoever asked me for it, deserves to get their request just like everyone else does to. So please do not read any further if this will upset you or trigger you.

Jin: He would cry with you, holding you close as you told him, tears rolling down his cheek, trying to imagine the pain you must have felt and still be feeling.

Originally posted by thurstae

Jimin: He would just sit there, trying to process the information, wondering how you managed to stay so strong after something so terrible had happened to you.

Originally posted by jinkooks

J-Hope: “ You are literally the strongest person I know Jagi, You amaze me”

Originally posted by hhhoseok

Jungkook: *he doesn’t know what to say. He is too young to understand the pain you feel, too innocent. So he just holds you close, and lets you cry on him*

Originally posted by undo9

Rap Monster: At first, he can’t figure out what to say to you, so he begins to write a song, trying to explain to you how much more beautiful you have become in his eyes, for being such a strong person.

Originally posted by jinned

Suga: *begins to wonder why the world is so cruel, and why it brings pain to those who don’t deserve it.*

Originally posted by hugtae

V: This cute little one cannot begin to comprehend why there are people so evil in this world, who would harm those who have done nothing to deserve it. He realizes then how dark the world is, and how he will never manage to fit in.

Originally posted by bwihob

A/N: None of these gifs are mine, credits go to their rightful owners.

That time I came out to my homophobic mother

With a happy ending! Well, ten years after it happened we still live together so that should say something, no?

Anyhow, I felt like doing another “story time” with one of my life experiences and this was pretty peculiar in itself and it is a story I wanted to share for a long time.

Under the cut is the story and a warning for homophobic language.

Keep reading


5. Guilt (One Word Prompt)

You couldn’t believe he could do something like that, at least not the Loki that you knew. How could he betray his brother like that, you knew he didn’t like him but they were still family.

“Why?” you ask. You needed to know.

He sighs, “For us. We could rule side by side.”

You gasp, “You did this because you wanted to rule? You betrayed your brother for the throne? I can’t believe you did that. The Loki I know would never do something like that.”

He looks at you with a blank expression. He never thought about what you would say, he should have known considering Thor was your best friend. He knew he had broken your trust. He felt guilt, something he never thought he would feel.

“I’m sorry” he says.

You sigh, “You know that’s not enough.”

@ all the Pearl hate (spoilers)

So i’m already seeing Pearl hate in like every Steven Universe tag, and i feel like this perfectly represents tumblr’s obnoxious habit of jumping to rash conclusions. 

First of all, yes. What Pearl said/did to Greg in this episode was wrong. And the episode at no point acts like she was right. But believe it or not, characters can have flaws. Characters can do bad things. And these characters can still be good people - that’s what makes Steven Universe so great in the first place. These characters are dynamic. They’re very realistic. And what Pearl did is something real people do all the time - they act upon their jealousy. I’m sure almost everyone has felt like Pearl did at some point in their life, and wanted to do something about it, too.

Also, people seem to forget that Pearl and Greg seem to get along rather well in the present day of the show?????

Obviously something changed. I think we should be getting excited over the idea of learning how their relationship developed rather than deciding Pearl is the devil for having jealousy issues at some point in the past.

but as painful as it is, I still want to know everything about Newt's accident
  • did something trigger it? 
  • did someone trigger it? 
  • how old he was? 
  • how long has he been feeling like that? 
  • did it happen momentarily or did he plan it? 
  • did he leave a death note to his friends? 
  • how did he cope after failing? 
  • who (Minho) helped him to carry on with his life after surviving? 
  • I mean he was feeling miserable and now he has a limp and can’t do his job anymore so he should’ve felt even worse? who helped him go back to being the normal Newt again 
  • was he the keeper or just an ordinary runner before it?

anonymous asked:

Could you do something with Midorima, Mibuchi, Akashi, Himuro, Takao, Hayama, Aomine, and Kise & their super energetic best friend? Like they catch her doing something very strange and she just freezes and smiles at them cheekily then goes back to what she was doing or chasing after animals or calling them in the middle of the night to tell them about some weird epiphany she had or something that reminded her of them that she just felt like sharing or sending them super weird snapchats.

Thanks for requesting! I knew someone who’s like this too so I may or may not have used her as an example xD Enjoy! -Admin Fyre

Midorima Shintarou:

Midorima supposed that he should be used to other people’s “weird antics” by now thanks to Takao, but you still manage to surprise him every now and then. Especially right now. He watched you with a blank look on his face as you ran after the squirrel that had scurried up a nearby tree, and it was only when you make to climb up the trunk that he immediately comes to put a stop to all the nonsense.

Mibuchi Reo:

Mibuchi yawned as he swept his hand ungracefully across the desk top, trying to locate his buzzing phone. He squints at the time - 3:20am? - and then at your name, and answers. “Hello?” “Reo, I just thought of something.” Your voice is unnaturally serious. “If your shirt isn’t tucked into your pants, then doesn’t that mean your pants are tucked into your shirt?” Mibuchi sighed. He should’ve known.

Akashi Seijuurou:

Akashi was quietly studying in the library when you came bounding in excitedly, footsteps pounding on the floor with no regard for silence. Akashi looked at you expectantly as you came up to him. “What is it now?” “Akashi-kun, I just had a thought!” You beamed at him. “A bed is just a shelf for your body when you’re not using it! Right? Right?” Akashi looked amused at your enthusiasm. “I expect so.”

Himuro Tatsuya:

Politely excusing himself from basketball practice, Himuro stepped to one side and checked your messages - after all, you were the only one who would keep texting him like this. LOOK AT THIS IT REMINDED ME OF YOU AND I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING OMFG. You’d attached a picture, too, and Himuro sighed inwardly and texted you back: Old English sheepdog? Very funny.

Takao Kazunari:

Takao was a fan of Snapchat, but even he’d gotten his share of weird snaps from you. He stared at the one he’d just gotten: you’d taken a Snap of a sleeping man on the train and doodled a clown nose and a moustache on him, and even given him monster horns. Stifling a laugh, Takao took a selfie of his baffled expression and sent it back to you with the caption: “TIE HIS SHOELACES TOGETHER!!!!”

Hayama Koutarou:

You and Hayama were a chaotic duo, and there was no doubt about that. The two of you often dared each other to do dumb things, and this was no exception. “Bet you won’t pull out Nebuya’s chair from under him when he tries to sit.” “Bet I will,” Hayama retorted smugly, without a second’s hesitation - so he did. It ended up with you and Hayama running for your lives as Nebuya chased after you.

Aomine Daiki:

Aomine knew you liked watching Vines, but man this was going a bit too far. He was getting so many messages from you with links to the Vines you found funny that he couldn’t get to nap. “What’s so funny about them anyway?” he grumbled, grabbing his phone and clicking into a random link you’d posted. He stared at the six-second video, then: “What the FUCK?” But that didn’t stop him from watching all the other Vines, too.

Kise Ryouta:

Kise was practically falling asleep, but common courtesy kept him awake while you ranted on and on about parallel galaxies where everything was the same as this world, except what if there was no gravity? “Kise-kun, don’t you agree?” “Hm? Oh, yeah, of course!” God he was just so tired. You looked delighted. “Great! I was just thinking, if there was no gravity…” Inwardly Kise groaned. This was going to be a long day.