i felling alone

“I’m alone tonight, and it’s strange to be here in my house on my own. While the pigtails I’ve put in my hair pull me back to childhood days, I’d still be glad to just reach back a few months and talk to you.”

🖤

BTS reaction to you feeling insecure

Jin

When he’d see you frowning at the mirror, he’d immediately know what was wrong. He’d come up to you and wrap his arms around your waist and kiss you on the forehead. He’d think that you’re absolutely beautiful, regardless of your scars or stretch marks and he’d say it often. However, he’d realise that you didn’t agree with him and he’d know that he wouldn’t be able to change your mind by his words. So he’d instead try and make you feel better by cooking you a meal or going out for a walk, he’d do anything as long as you weren’t thinking about what you looked like or what you weighed that morning.

Originally posted by theseoks

Yoongi

I think that in a situation like this, he’d be a man of very few words. Instead of comforting you verbally, he’d step in front of you and smile because he’d think that you’re the most beautiful person in the world- even though he may not say it all the time. He’d hold your hand and would just hug you, knowing that for you, actions speak louder than words.

Originally posted by jeonsshi

Hoseok

There’s one side of him that would be extremely loud and would immediately be like “No, no, no, don’t even think that because it’s not true” and he’d shower you with affection. However, he’s also very soft and gentle at times and he’d understand because he has dealt with insecurities and self esteem as well. He’d make sure that you never felt like you were alone. He wouldn’t fuss but he’d try to be there for you no matter what.

Originally posted by myloveseokjin

Namjoon

He’d immediately blame himself, thinking that he didn’t verbally praise your body enough, that he didn’t tell you that you were beautiful as often as he’d think it. He’d hate the fact that he wouldn’t be able to help you or be able to make you feel better straight away. His main focus would be to make you feel happy. At first he wouldn’t know how, but I think that he’d make a small, thoughtful gesture that would bring a smile to your face.

Originally posted by ksjknj

Jimin

He’d get so upset because he’d think that you’re the most beautiful person in the world. The fact that you got self-conscious would bewilder him at first. However, he’d realise that just because he sees you that way, it doesn’t mean you do. He’d tell you that you’re beautiful everyday and he’d just randomly come up to you, kiss you and tell you he loves you at different points during the day. He’d convince you to dance with him and just feel worry-free. He’d allow you to feel comfortable and confident in yourself around him and it would make him so incredibly happy.

Originally posted by bwipsul

Taehyung

At first he wouldn’t understand how you were feeling that way but as soon as he’d see the pained expression on your face, he’d immediately rush to your side and plant multiple pecks all over your face. He’d hug you and squeeze you and just shower you with compliments and love. He’d convince you to step away from the mirror and sit with him on the couch. Both of you would sit and he’d lie down along the sofa so that his head would be resting on your lap. He’d look up at you and just gaze at you for what seemed like seconds for him but hours for you, just admiring you and loving every single one of your features.

Originally posted by bwipsul

Jungkook

I feel like his priority would be to cheer you up because he wouldn’t know how to genuinely make you feel better. So he’d think that the best option would be a distraction. He’d take you away for the day, probably to the beach. Because it would be a long journey, the both of you would listen to your favourite songs and buy junk food and you’d just be able to let go. By the end of the day you may not feel better about your body, but you’d know that Jungkook loves you regardless of your appearance.

Originally posted by hohbi

—————–

Hi guys long time no Tumblr :’(

I took a break for a while bc I had to focus on my studies which is incredibly boring and dull yh

My friend asked me to write this reaction so you know who you are ;)

I’m going to be a lot more active now and I’ve gotten on top of a lot of my work so more posts will be hittin up your feeds so much love

-Aria

Oh, Wait

Originally posted by cheerfulsammy

Pairing: Sam x Reader, Sam x Jess
Word count: 287
Warnings: Cheating, swearing, miscarriage


As you backed out of what had been your room, you nearly tripped. “Baby?!” Sam’s voice met you ears, but it sounded so distant. Tears streamed down your cheeks, an ache in your chest. You had come home to find him with someone else. While you couldn’t see her face, you didn’t have to. It didn’t matter who he’d been sleeping with- it was the fact that he’d done it. “Fuck.” He muttered, stumbling to get on his sweats.

Turning, you made your way towards the front door, just for his hand to wrap around your wrist. “Fuck off, Sam.” You sobbed, finally looking up at him. “I-I tried calling you. For hours!” You shoved him away from you. “Now I see why you couldn’t be bothered to answer.” His eyes were on the floor, letting you scream at him all you wanted. “Would you like to know why I was calling, Sam?” Your voice was low, your eyes narrow.

“Yeah.” He breathed, nodding.

Keep reading

Belong to the world

“I know you want your money

‘Cause you do this every day

The way you doubt your feelings

And look the other way”

This is what you do for a living; if you could stop I’m sure you would. You know how to turn your emotions on and off and keep your professionalism. 

“it’s something I relate to

Your gift of nonchalance

Nobody’s ever made me fall in love

With this amount of touch”

I can understand how you can be so dismissive and have little to no affection for anyone. I’m exactly the same way. But even still, I find myself becoming addicted to you, and all you had to do was touch me

“I’m not a fool
I just love that you’re dead inside
I’m not a fool, I’m just lifeless too
But you to taught me how to feel
When nobody ever would
And you taught me how to love
What nobody ever could”

I’m not foolish, i know better to believe your lies. You and I are more alike than you may think. I don’t have feelings for anyone else, nor could they ever develop. But being with you has changed my perspective on how I feel about love, relationships, being with someone. I’ve never had that before. 

“Ooh girl, I know I should leave you

And learn to mistreat you

'Cause you belong to the world

And ooh girl, I want to embrace you

Domesticate you

But you belong to the world, you belong to the world”

I should leave you alone. I should treat you the way you treat others, the way others treat you, you could never be mine. But I want to be yours. I want you to love me the way you did tonight. I want to belong only to you. I want you to only belong to me, but you belong to everyone

 

“And I know that I’m saying too much
Even though I’d rather hold my tongue, yeah”

I’m expressing my feelings too verbally; usually I’m timid and quiet but I feel like I just need to let you know where I’m coming from.


“And I’ll pull you closer holding on to
Every moment till my time is done, yeah”

For as long as I can, I’ll never let you go. This feeling is so unfamiliar and yet I’m addicted to it, I don’t want it to stop, it can’t even though I know it’ll only last for a moment.


“And this ain’t right, you’ve been the only one to make me smile
In such long, I’ve succumbed to what I’ve become, baby”

This shouldn’t be, but it is. I’ve never had someone I barely know personally have such a powerful influence on me. You’ve managed to change my mood from terrible to fantastic in an instant. How? What are you? Have you been brought to me for a specific purpose, or are you just here to help me escape for a small while?

“I’m not a fool
I just love that you’re dead inside
I’m not a fool, I’m just lifeless too
But you to taught me how to feel
When nobody ever would
And you taught me how to love
What nobody ever could”

“Ooh girl, I know I should leave you

And learn to mistreat you

'Cause you belong to the world

And ooh girl, I want to embrace you

Domesticate you

But you belong to the world, you belong to the world”

 

“You belong to the world

You belong to the loneliness of filling every need”

You don’t belong to me, but rather the empliness I fell when I’m alone; you fill my void and give me reason to breathe.


“You belong to the world, you belong to the world
You belong to the temporary moments of a dream”

You don’t belong to me, you belong to my fantasy, my REM sleep, my nightmares, my split second of happiness…

You will never be mine…

But I will always be yours…

 

“Ooh girl, I know I should leave you

And learn to mistreat you

'Cause you belong to the world

And ooh girl, I want to embrace you

Domesticate you

But you belong to the world, you belong to the world”

 

“You belong to the world, you belong to the world

You belong to the world, you belong to the world”

YOU AGAIN ~ part 3

Originally posted by amazonvideouk

GIF not mine

I know this is small, but I really wanted to post something tonight. It’s a working progress and I hope you all enjoy. When I get to start writing part 4 I’ll try to make a masterlist or something like that so it’ll be easier to find the other parts. Thank you for everything!

Words: 1269
Paring: Lucifer x Reader (F)
Warning: I guess none…

 ~~

That night Lucifer drank himself into oblivion. So many scenarios going through his head and he wasn’t used to feeling like this. Since he didn’t understand it, he drank. He drank until his thought went elsewhere. Far away from you. Somewhere deep inside he knew there was never a reason to worry. 1 - you were immortal and 2 - he still remembers how well you could take care of yourself. The way you took Erics’ gun and pushed him against the wall was reminder enough had he ever forgotten.

He put his glass down and laid his fingers atop the piano keys. He didn’t have his mind set on anything specific to play, but the sound that came from it was… well, it was depressing.

The elevator doors opened to reveal Maze walk in. She stopped dead on her tracks as she gazed at her clearly miserable friend.

“And what in the world has gotten into you? Did Chloe say something to hurt your feelings?” She asked going straight to the bar. 

Lucifer tried ignoring her, but Maze started to sing something to distract him from his mellow music.

“This has nothing to do with the Detective.” He simply said as he continued to play.

“Right.” Maze walked over to him and saw something in him she had never seen. She set her hands on the piano keys that made the most awful sound.

Lucifer looked up at her pissed.

“What. Is. The. Matter. With. You?” She asked rudely.

“I don’t have to say anything to you. This is none of your business.” Maze was just about to say something back when Lucifer stood up and, with his glass, went back to the bar.

“I wanna know either way. So spill it, princess.”

“In how many ways do I have to say it doesn’t concern you? Will saying it in another language work? Isso não é da sua conta!” He screamed at her.

“Now that I’m seeing you so worked up I’m definitely interested. And what language was that?”

“Brazilian Portuguese. Now leave me be, Maze.”

She walked over to him and sat by his side filling both their cups again.

“You should know better. I’m not leaving.”

The silence between them, only filled by the noises of the city, was almost enough to make Lucifer go crazy. He didn’t want to talk about it. Not a good idea.

“It’s (y/n). She’s here in LA for father knows how long.”

Maze didn’t understand what exactly he was talking about. He never mentioned a woman with that name, well an angel, but still. She didn’t know anyone with that name. She figured it was something so bad he didn’t even share with her once.

“And she’s what? A powerful angel that’s gonna…”

“That’s one of the problems. She’s supposed to be here to bring joy to humans or something like that, but I’m not buying that story.” Lucifer had his doubts about it for sure. His father would never have sent you down to the same city he was just to play fairy godmother to humans. He just wouldn’t.

“Alright, that’s one problem. What the other?” Maze asked playing with the drink with one finger.

“Are you really interested? It’s not an amusing story.”

“If it had gotten you this worked up. You can bet your fiery ass I wanna know. Tell me everything.” She said getting exited.

“Are you gonna braid my hair and get us ice cream too?” He asked with a little amused smile.

“That is actually a great idea. Wait just one second.” She ran like lighting and came back just as fast with ice cream and a spoon.

“That’s strawberry lemon. The last one and you only got one spoon? You know we’re gonna share.” He said a little more amused and Maze licked the spoon as she pushed the ice cream between them and handed the spoon to him.

“I’ll give you the short version of it all. I can’t pin point the exact time in human history it would have occurred, but me and (y/n) were together in heaven. Like power couple and all that nonsense.”

Maze was now super interested. She hadn’t known that big bad King of Hell had had an epic love story.

“A match made in heaven I see. Juicy.” He ignored her completely as he dove into his past. A past he didn’t think he’d be getting back to.

“She was a warrior, but not like the other angels. Father made her, but she’s not my mothers’ daughter. She used to be just a creation to protect the heavens and take care of the new brought souls. She was down to the heavenly soul good and that may have been one of the things that got my attention.”

Maze dropped the spoon on the counter and pushed her body back. “You fell in love with a goody good angel? I expected more from you. What a shame.”

“Trust me, she wasn’t all that goody good. She has good intentions with everything she does and when we got together I soon started to rebel against good ol’ Dad. She was by my side even if she didn’t understand or accept everything. When the fight began with everyone and I knew I was being banned from the Silver City I was ready to fall and she was still there. She was falling with me.” Lucifers’ smile faded from his face. It had faded completely leaving a broken look instead. “Father was there and so was my mother. Basically everyone was there to watch me fall, but at that time. That exact moment. She was nowhere to be seen. She’d finally left me to fall alone.”

With the spoon between her teeth Maze wasn’t about to stop him from continuing. Her excitement was gone seeing how broken he was. She knew it had been bad, but knowing he wasn’t supposed to be alone and the one person he trusted more than anything had just abandoned him. It hurt even her.

“So that day I fell alone. The one person who had been by my side through it all and accepted it all had just disappeared. I became the King of Hell and she was supposed to have been there to rule over that fucking place with me.” He drank the last bit of his drink and stood up throwing his glass at the opposite wall screaming. “She was supposed to be there!” His eyes were red watery. His body shook with every breath he took. Maze saw past the anger and saw the raw wounds he carried.

She looked up at him and touched his arms. It wasn’t natural and it was weird. She’s not good with feeling and she’s not good with caring this much, but she was not accepting this. She’d have to visit (y/n) and set everything straight. No one messed with Lucifer.

“Now she’s here and I… I’m not sure what to do. If I should be worried or just… this.” He spread his arms wide.

“Go to bed, Lucifer. Sleep this off and everything is going to be just dandy in the morning.”

Lucifer turned to Maze with an evil look in his eyes. “You are not going to touch her. She is to be kept far away. I’m not looking for her much less you. Do you hear me?” Maze stayed still with a clear look on her face. “Do you hear me?” He screamed his eyes going red.

“Okay. I’m not going after her.” She finally said putting her hands up in surrender.

5:48
—  I look at you and I remember every little detail. The way your smile formed, what made you laugh, your gentle touch, how your lips kissed mine. The way you tied your shoes. One look at you and every memory, every feeling, every thought comes rushing back, attacking me.
Always hurt

Tag : @stevrgers @natalieroseg @gemini-indecisiveness @msmermaid01   ( tell me if you want to be tagged because I believe I’ll make a part three)

Part two to Always second, Part one can be found here . You all might want to kill me after this……. sorry… I’ll go die in a hole now.

Warnings: Kinda sad, argument, crying, mention of death ( what????), self doubt  and I think that’s it.

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Y/N ‘s P.O.V.

I walked into school on Monday, feeling like there was no point being here, no point in going to school if I’m just going to zone out. no point in being in a place when the only person that made you feel like you belonged isn’t around anymore, isn’t there to make you feel safe. I walked up to my locker and put in my combo, and opened the lock, then opened my locker and a piece of paper fell out and on to the ground. I bent down to pick it up and saw it was a letter. I put my stuff in my locker and closed it and walked to the only place that no one knew about, under the stairs in a non busy hallway. I sat down and opened the letter and read it  “ Y/N  I was stupid for what I did and how I treated you it was unfair. I know I hurt you but if you let me I could make it up to you, meet me at Pop’s after school so I can show you that I’ll put you first and show you how much I care. - Jughead “. I looked at the paper and tears started to fall,  I wiped my face and this burst of anger went through me and I got up and went to find the person reasonable for my anger. I walked through the hallway and saw the familiar grey hat and sprinted towards  him grabbed his arm as I walked by and dragged him  outside of the school, I stopped and turned to him and crumpled up the letter and threw it at him and said “  What the hell is this?! You think you can write a damn letter about how sorry you are for how things were and that you want to fix it?! You think you can just say your sorry and everything will be how it was?! Sorry Jug but that’s not how life is.” It felt good to get that off my chest, felt good to yell at him for hurting me. “ Y/N I know  it won’t fix everything but I wanted to show you that I want to fix us, fix what I did, and I know sorry doesn’t cut it but it could get us in the right direction, please Y/N just come to Pop’s after school and you’ll see that I’m going to put you first when you need it, I know I really screwed up the other night I know you needed me-” i cut him off before he could finish “ Your damn right I needed you, my mom was hit by a car Jug! She’s in coma , she could die any day and the only person I could count on was you! And your damn book was more important than helping no fell like I was dying on the inside, not fell like I was alone. But… but you didn’t show, you just forgot and I don’t know if I can forgive you for that.” I wiped my tears away and said “ Jug please just give me space for a little while okay? I just can’t be near you right now, it hurts too much” and with that I walked away from him and started towards my first period class, I couldn’t look at him every time I did it just remind me that maybe I’ll never be able to count on him, on anyone.

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Well that didn’t go well did it? sorry it’s short and only from reader pov, but I’m making a part three to this and should be up soon. Literary cried the whole time I wrote this I’m really sorry.

Disfigured Perfection

Genre- Smut, Angst, Fluff (at end I swear) (WARNING! RAPE, CHEATING) 

Group- SF9

Member- Kim Inseong, Baek Juho/ Zuho

Admin- Aussi

You know those couples people look at and wish they could be? Something everyone wanted to experience. That was what Zuho and I were. It was a love that most people never got to experience, but everyone had dreamed of. We had moved in with each other shortly after high school. He was everything I knew and everything I needed. 

When I was sad Zuho was the only one who noticed, the only one who held me when I cried. He was the only person to see all sides of me, all emotions I could possibly go through. No matter what the emotion was, he could calm me down within minutes. He was the one solution that worked every time, my own personal healer, a guardian angel.

I walked into the house, smiling slightly. I had a hard day at work but Zuho was here and would hold me till I forgot it completely… But Zuho’s arms were too occupied to hold me, mouth was too busy to speak words of comfort, eyes-instead of reassuring me that all was okay, were locked on someone else. 

I stayed silent, face going blank as my emotions shut down. I spun on my heel and entered the kitchen, hands reached for a glass before pouring the bourbon. My hands shook horribly, some of the hard liquor spilling over the sides of the glass. I kept the bottle in one hand and glass in the other as I walked to the living room and sat on the couch, waiting silently. The liquor was his and stung my throat, burning it like poison. I chuckled. It resembled Zuho pretty well, seemingly innocent but it burns you in the end. I drank the glass as if it was water, unaffected by the pain. I poured another glass.

 A sudden realization struck me; I was alone now, no one cared. Who would comfort me now when I could only confide in myself? I poured another glass. Someone who looks me in the eyes everyday and swears to love me forever makes love to another in our bed. I wasn’t the most beautiful but I was always convinced by him that I was. He told me he fell for my flaws, but if he loved my flaws why did he find someone else? I poured another glass.

They didn’t bother to be quiet and I wondered how many times this would need to happen for both to be comfortable being so loud. It wasn’t like I came home early, I came home at the same time everyday. Maybe that was part of the problem. I didn’t spice it up, we were too perfect… But I wasn’t perfect, far from it and that was why he loved me. If I was perfect what would there be to love? I poured another glass. My throat was numb by now, not the the convenience fazed me. A particularly loud scream caused me to gulp down more of the drink. I poured another glass. 

There was silence before footsteps echoed closer. 

Zuho looked at me with sheer shock and horror but I couldn’t find any guilt in his eyes no matter how hard I looked. “Jaeri..” he whispered. 

The girl behind him gave me a bright smile as she strutted over to me. She took the glass out of my hand and chugged the bourbon with ease. After she finished, her tongue danced around the entire rim, teasing me. I clenched my fists, holding in my rage. She handed it back, grabbed the bourbon bottle, and poured more liquor in the glass, “Thanks.” She grinned, moving to blow me a kiss. She pulled Zuho in a one sided lip lock before leaving, the door marking a long silence.

Zuho stood in front of me as I sat, taking a step back as I moved to stand. I dumped the contents of my drink out, the bourbon splashing violently against his face, yet his eyes were still locked on mine. I let out a loud cry, throwing the glass across the room until it hit a wall, shattering upon contact. I threw a pillow at the taller male and he let it hit him square in the chest.

I walked into the kitchen, picking up a dish towel and chucking it at him. As a final touch to my onslaught I threw the salt and pepper shakers, the salt grazing stands of his hair. I took another horrified look at him before walking into the bedroom. 

The stench of sex was thick in the air, my nose wrinkling as nausea built in my stomach. My hands ripped at the dirtied sheets, tearing them off the bed. I glided back into the kitchen, shoving the sheets into the garbage can and tying the garbage bag. I slung it in the garage, reminding myself to take it out later.

When I walked back into the house Zuho was waiting for me, speaking for the first time, “She slipped me something, Jaeri, I swear.” He said weakly. If she slipped you something why would it suddenly wear off after he saw me? What position was he in to have someone slip him something in the first place? 

“I know you wouldn’t do it on purpose.” I lied, gritting my teeth together to keep from yelling. I had dated him for so long that I didn’t know what it was like not to. As soon as we graduated we were living together, I had never lived alone. Who would protect me when guys on the street couldn’t take no for an answer? Who could I confide in if I broke up with him? So i’ll turn the other cheek, after all- no one is perfect. 

A relieved grin spread over his face and he slipped his arms around me to pull me in a hug. The giant bent down to kiss me and I cringed away slightly, but he kept moving in.

When his lips touched mine the only thing running through my head was that her lips were here only mere moments before me. That this may not be the first time i’ve kissed the same lips as her..

Zuho pushed me on the bed and began to spread my legs. I moved to close them but his legs held mine open as he told me not to be shy. He takes off his clothes and I’m hit with the strong smell of sweat, cheap perfume, and sex. Hickeys are dotted across his skin but I force my eyes to ignore them. I don’t look at them but I still see them. He’s grinding against me and moaning but I can’t return the feeling of pleasure. I reach to hug him- to desperately grasp some comfort- but I only feel the scratches on his back.

He strips off my clothes while I lay there, staring blankly at the ceiling. Zuho lifts my body and turns it around so he can’t see my face. I hear a condom package opening and a sense of panic rushes through me but before I could speak he’s pressing into me and im crying out.. 

He pushed into me with much effort, “Holy shit, you’re tighter than usual.” Zuho commented breathlessly. I let out a cry of pain but he didn’t notice, or perhaps he just didn’t care. I didn’t want this. It didn’t feel good in the slightest and I felt tears gather in my eyes from the intense pain. I was tighter because I wasn’t wet. How could I be aroused knowing he had slept with someone else less than an hour ago? 

He continued thrusting into me, claiming he could loosen me up. I let out a scream of pain, “It’s that good Baby? You’re not usually this vocal.” He smirked, thinking they were pleased cries. I was sure he tore something. I was sobbing at this point. I didn’t want this! 

“Stop Zuho!” I whimpered loudly, nails ripping into the mattress.

“Why should I stop if you enjoy it as much as me Baby?” He panted.

“Seriously, Zuho, stop it! Please!” I try to thrash around to throw him off- away- anything to make it stop. He just muttered that he wouldn’t do it again and stop being pissy. A few more rough thrusts against the tear and he came. 

Zuho pulled out immediately, pulled off the condom, and tossed it in the trash can. He didn’t even think of making me cum, not that I wanted him to touch me. It was the realization that he didn’t care what I thought. I was a doll, “That was great.” He smiled before cuddling up to my stiff and trembling body, unaware of the tear stains on my cheeks. 

As soon as I was sure he fell asleep I pushed his body away and hobbled to the bathroom, wincing on the way. I turned the handle of the shower and carefully stepped in, not even caring about the fact that the water was still cold. I scrubbed roughly at my skin with soap, feeling dirty and used. My nails scraping my skin made some blood appeared but I felt nothing even as scalding water burned into the cuts. I didn’t want to smell like her. 

I washed between my legs and my thighs. I would have to see a doctor about the intense pain, even though I was sure he tore something. I avoided touching near it and ignored it. Ignored that he could do that to me.

I wasn’t ever satisfied with how clean I was, only stopping when I ran out of soap and the cold water became unbearable. I roughly dried myself off, changed into new clothes, and went to sleep on the couch. I just didn’t want to touch him or visa versa. I refuse to falsely believe he loved me- cared about me when he didn’t. This was the first time in years I fell asleep crying alone, knowing there was no one to turn to.

That I was just another speck of dust in the busy city of Seoul.


I woke up at 5:47 am. I normally took multiple phone alarms to wake me up but now I couldn’t sleep. The new- found nightmares haunting me had no one to chase them away, not even the person that caused them.

I sat on the couch for a while before deciding to make breakfast. It would take my mind off things and god did I need something to distract me. I cracked open the eggs with expertise, the sound of them cooking filling my ears. Once they were done I moved on to bacon. The grease bubbled a bit before popping, a drop hitting my hands and I hissed, recoiling. I continued to cook despite the burn, attempting to focus on the wondrous smell of the meat.

The stench hit me before I felt him touch me. Even though her perfume shouldn’t have been still there after sleep and sex- if you could call what we did sex- it remained strong.

His arms snaked around my waist and even through my clothes I felt the strong urge to itch at my skin. He never showered. I was pressed against his bare chest, gritting my teeth not to shove him away. He betrayed me but he’s all I have, “I slept better last night then I have in years.” Zuho commented, head resting on my shoulder. I felt a pang in my chest. He slept better when I wasn’t there. 

“That’s great!” I choked out, faking a smile. He didn’t notice and I felt another pang. After all these years he couldn’t tell when I faked a smile.

“You must have slept well too! You even woke up early to make me breakfast,” he kissed my cheek and I flinched slightly before faking a smile.


I thought time would ebb away the pain, or make the memories dissolve as if they were never there…but they didn’t. In fact after two months it hurt just as much to pretend we were still a perfect couple without any issues.

Zuho’s arms were slung across my shoulders, the weight of his arm giving me a restless feeling in my gut. I pretended I didn’t feel as antsy as I did, we were with a few friends after all. At least I didn’t feel the itching sensation that made me want to claw at my skin anymore.

“So you’re telling me that you tried to seduce the police officer?” Chani wheezed, face bright red from laughing so hard. 

“What else was I supposed to do, i’m piss poor!” Dawon said, exasperated as he threw his hands in the air.

“It was a guy, you really thought it would work?” My boyfriend laughed, smiling brightly. 

“I didn’t have much of a choice,” He whined, “Besides I could’ve sworn he was checking me out!” Everyone was practically crying with laughter, well everyone except me, who was forcing a chuckle.

“He was making sure you didn’t have any weapons, Dumbass.” Inseong chuckled. Zuho pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist, making me tense up more than possible at the skinship. Inseong’s laughter quieted down as he looked at me. 

“I didn’t know that! I’m an idiot!” Dawon cried defensively. I ignored the small change in mood Inseong had. If I acted normal there was nothing to be suspicious of. 

“We know.” Youngbin commented. Zuho placed a kiss on my lips, causing me flinch instinctively. I let him kiss me back didn’t kiss back, not that he minded. Inseong narrowed his eyes, noticing my reaction and noting it wearily. 

“Chill out with the kissing you two,” Dawon scolded, “speaking of kissing, I didn’t think he would panic over a small kiss, I didn’t even use tongue.”

“Didn’t think he would panic? He just wanted to give you ticket not get Herpes.” 

“I do NOT have Herpes!”

“Ah so Chlamydia then?”

“Hey!” Laughter erupted once again and I stood up. Everyone looked at me and I smiled weakly. 

“Bathroom.” I said. In the bathroom I quickly splashed my face with cold water and began to wipe my lips. After I was satisfied with it I walked out of the bathroom to join the group again.

Before I had taken three steps, someone grabbed my wrist. I turned, fist raised to hit someone when I saw a familiar face. I let out a deep breath and chuckled slightly in relief, “Inseong, you scared the hell out of me.”

He just looked blankly at me, I held my breath nervously. “Are you okay, Jaeri?” he said simply. I looked at the protectiveness and concern in his eyes, melting a bit.

“I’m okay.” I replied, hands ruffling his hair gently. And through the lie I gave the most genuine smile I had given anyone in two months. Because I found someone who cared, even for a second.


The doorknob fell from my hand gently as I lost my grip. My feet moved slowly, my body weighing as much as an anchor. Tears built steadily in my eyes. He said he wouldn’t do it again, he said he wouldn’t do her again. I collapsed on the couch, crying loudly as every moan sent an arrow through me. 

I heard the front door close and had the sudden realization that the door was still open. I bolted off the couch to look at who was in the house, surprised that it was Inseong. A grocery bag was in his hand, holding beer and chicken. He looked me in the eyes, shocked that I was crying. He dropped the bags and rushed over to me, embracing me in his arms, hands wiping at my tears as he looked at me. “Jaeri why are you crying?” He asked, “Where is-” a loud moan cut him off. 

His face went blank as be looked at me, slowly changing to immeasurable fury, “Who the fuck is that.” He said lowly. My bottom lip quivered, a loud groan coming from the bedroom, “That sound like Zuho.” He growled, voice shaking with rage. He moved to storm into the bedroom but I grabbed the sleeve of his shirt. He sharply looked back at me, eyes softening significantly when he looked at me, “You’re letting him do this?” Inseong sounded broken-hearted.

“Just don’t,” I whimpered, gazing at his torn face, “please.” His jaw clenched as he stepped closer to me, pulling me into his arms. That’s when I lost it. I was still defending Zuho, even while he was fucking some other girl in our bed.

My hands clenched his shirt and his hands rubbed soothing circles on my back. My tears soaked through his shirt and I felt the most vulnerable i’ve ever felt in front of someone. I hated it but what was there to love about this situation? 

We stood like that for a while, rocking from side to side, and attempting to ignore what was going on a few feet from us. We heard the shuffling sounds of feet, I dug my face further in Inseong’s chest so I didn’t have to see their faces again. “-eally need to leave before Jaeri comes ho-” Zuho ushered in his deep voice before stopping abruptly.

I pulled away from my Inseongs chest only to see the same girl from two months ago. Be strong, be the bigger person. I looked up and at Zuho, who looked pale. His hair was a mess, lips red and puffy, with bites covering his bare chest. Fuck being strong- that’s being weak. She looked at me and smiles in satisfaction, I smiled back at her, making her face sank into slight confusion, “Was it nice?” I asked sweetly and her smirk returned, still slightly weary.

“It was really good. He enjoyed it more than I did though.” She shrugged simply. 

“So what’s your name?” I asked, sitting on my couch, relaxed. I held a blank facial expression.

“Dasung.”

“Is that your real name or alias?” I asked nonchalantly and her face becoming pinched and perplexed. 

“What?” She said, voice slightly higher.

“Don’t hookers have fake names?” Her teeth clenched together and anger began to fill her eyes.

“I’m not a hooker.” Dasung hissed

“Ahh I see. So you’re a call girl then.” 

“I’m not.” She growled. I burst into full on knee slapping laughter, Zuho looked concerned, adding to my laughter. Be confused for all I care. We ignored both of the boys.

“What’s so funny?”

“So you’re actually such a whore that you will sleep multiple times with a man who is dating someone? Woah, you’re really pathetic. Do you sleep with the first person who shows interest because you can’t get someone on your own? Men can smell your desperation even if you douse yourself in cheap perfume, sweetheart.”

“People hit on me all the time. I just thought that I would try out your boyfriend because an ugly bitch didn’t seem to satisfy him.” And there it was, another attempt at a remark meant to make me crumple into a heap of tears but hell if I was going to give her what she wanted again. 

“Sorry I don’t give out enough to meet a your standards. Now that we got that out, please get out of my house.” I said this as politely as possible.

“I think he’s going to need me a few more times. Maybe I should stay here.” She said, voice strained. She kept pushing and pushing to hurt me, but the numbness had already set in. With every remark she made I felt the urge to hurt her threefold. 

“If you want him, you can have him.” This made her proud facade crack further.

“I’m not into relationships.” 

“Prostitute, I forgot. Now please get out.”

“I’m not a prostitute and I’m not leaving!” Her face was red with anger as she shrieked at me.

“I’m sorry, I forgot.” I pulled out my wallet, handing a few twenties to her, Is this enough?” She slapped the money out of my hands and I picked it up. 

“Shut the fuck up!” She screamed. I held the money out for her again and she slapped it out of my hands for the second time. I picked it up and threw them at her. 

“I said, please get out!” I yelled. She moved to slap me but I caught her hand and pinned it to her side. I slapped Dasung hard enough for her to stumble slightly. Tears ran down her cheeks as she walked out of the house, stilettos clacking loudly. I now turned to look at Zuho, “Why.” 

“I was drunk.” He whispers. 

Inseong clenched his jaw, stepping in, “And you suddenly aren’t drunk?” He hissed.

“I sobered up and stopped once I realized. I can’t control myself when i’m drunk, Jaeri you know this!” He plead, begging me to believe him.

“Then stop fucking drinking Zuho!” The other man roared, stepping closer to him. Zuho opened his mouth to say something but before he could Inseong threw a solid punch to his cheekbone. A startled gasp flew from my lips as a blood began to drip from my boyfriends face. The ring Inseong wore had cut his cheek. 

The brown haired male moved to pull me out of the apartment but Zuho took a hold of his forearm. Tears fell down from his cheeks and he gazed deeply into my eyes “ Jaeri, please stay. Im sorry, im so sorry!” He gasped. 

“If you were sorry then you wouldn’t do it again!” I yelled.

“I had to!”

“No you didn’t!” I wanted to forget that it ever happened not relive the experience. Once was enough, I didn’t need more!

“I JUST WANTED SOMEONE WHO COULD TOUCH ME WITHOUT DISGUST!” He cried.

“I WAS TRYING!” I screamed. I could have left but I tried to pretend it didn’t happen, I just…couldn’t. 

“That doesn’t explain why he did it the first time!” Inseong growled, glaring at him. 

“I didn’t think.” 

“You can’t just not think about that after so many years with Jaeri!” They each took a step forward when they spoke. 

“I just didn’t!” 

“Why!” 

“BECAUSE I WAS BORED OKAY!” Zuho bellowed. 

“YOU CAN’T DO THAT! YOU CAN’T JUST DECIDE YOU’RE BORED ZUHO, WHAT THE FUCK!” 

“WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER TO YOU, YOU’RE MY FRIEND!”

“BECAUSE I LOVED HER FIRST!” Inseong howled, “I loved her first…I watched her from afar when she was upset. When you were screwing girls I looked at her and tried to bring myself to talk to her! And the day I went to comfort her you got there first. You met her first and comforted her first but I was the one who loved her first! I didn’t fight for her because I thought you would treat her like a princess! If I knew from the beginning you would do this I would never have let you come near her.” And with that I was dragged out of the apartment and into a car. The engine of the car roared as he sped down the road. His fingers were white from how hard he held the steering wheel and his jaw was clenched angrily as he stared at the road ahead.


Inseong didn’t calm down till we were in his house and even then he attempted to pamper me as much as possible, all his anger turned into concern for me. He wrapped me in puffy blankets and set a hot chocolate in from of me, marshmallows and all, “How can I help you? How can I make you forget about that ass?” He asked, looking sincerely into my eyes.

“Revenge. I want you to make me forget that he ever touched me and made me happy.” He looked into my eyes, checking to see if I meant it. I did. His hands slowly moved to my face, cupping my cheeks. He slowly leaned in to press his lips against mine. I had never looked at Inseong closely and didn’t expect his lips to be as soft as they were. I was embarrassed for a moment about how chapped and cracked my lips were but he didn’t seem to notice and nor did he care. He was gentle; something Zuho hadn’t been in a while- or now that I thought about it, he hadn’t been gentle for years. 

I shoved the blankets off the couch and walked over to the chair he sat in. I sat on his lap, my legs on both sides of him. I placed his hands on my hips, slowly dragging them up my sides. He got what I was hinting at, moving his hands freely. They moved over my hip bones, over my stomach, under the back of my shirt. His fingers slowly worked to unclip my bra, throwing it aside after he finished. He helped me pull my shirt over my head yet never glanced at my exposed skin.

His eyes were focused on my own, staring at me adoringly with a passionate undertone. He kept the eye contact as he pressed a chaste kiss on each of my boobs. 

He pressed his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. His gentle hands began to roam, making sure to touch every centimeter of hot flesh. They traced around my breast, squeezing slightly. His palms were now over my nipples, kneading gently as I moaned. His hands moved to my back, sliding down on each side of my spine till they reached the dip of my back. He was almost hugging me, our bodies pressed together hotly. They moved back to the front, tracing over my hip bones. His hands moved down slightly, thumbs moving into the waistband of my skirt then into my panties. He slowly pulled both of the garments down. My legs stepped out of them, kicking them aside. His hands went back onto my flesh, moving from my calves up and sliding under my butt. 

He reached over to the side table, pulling out a condom. The man opened it and tugged it down onto his dick, “Are you sure you want to do this?” Inseong’s pupils were blown as he asked.

“Yes, im sure.” I confirmed, eyes hooded slightly with lust.

I slowly sank down on Inseong’s cock, the slow stretch something I enjoyed for once. I didn’t let Zuho touch me for so long, my frustration was turning into dripping lust. Inseong seemed like just the person to give me what I craved.

I didn’t wait, starting to bounce on him despite the pain of the stretch and mental trauma from the tear Zuho gave me. It had healed but a mental scar remained. Sensing this, Inseong grabbed my hips and held then down. I looked at him, confused “What are you doing?” He wrapped his arms around my waist, peppering gentle kisses to the space between my breasts.

“You’re in pain. Both people need to be happy to make love and if you’re in pain you’re not happy. Don’t push yourself.” He murmured softly against my flesh. My heart warmed and I smiled.

He pressed his lips to mine, tongue pushing through my lips and electricity surged through me. His tongue stroked mine, exploring the inside of my mouth fully. He tilted his head to deepen it slightly.

Inseong only pulled away after our bodies were crying for air. He moved to my neck, nothing at the skin and littering my skin with hickeys. I felt him rock his hips slightly, suddenly remembering that I was sitting on his cock. That he had distracted me until he was sure the pain vanished and even then he was rocking into me gently.

Soft moans and pants left my lips as I felt a sensation I hadn’t experienced before. It wasn’t pleasure alone, it was love. For once I felt loved while having sex.

He began to rock harder, hips pushing up slightly to reach deeper. I began to move my hips at the rate of his thrusts, making the feelings rock though our bodies. Inseong and I moaned simultaneously.

His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling our bodies flush together as he speared into me. My heart fluttered slightly. He picked up his phone, opening up the camera. He clicked the record button.

His hips moved in a flash, bouncing me up and down. I moaned loudly as he roughly hit my G spot. He stopped thrusting and I whimpered in protest, “You’re going to have to take control, Baby.” Inseong groaned.

I planted my feet on the floor and began to bounce on his cock, grinding on him every time I got to the base of it. I angled myself so that when I sunk down I hit my G spot. I cried out louder, back arching. “Inseong im so close!” I cried, nails pressing into his back. Inseong stopped recording.

He held one of my hips down and began to thrust very slowly, “You can’t come quite yet, Baby. Now are you fine with me sending that video of me fucking you to Zuho?” He asked while I moaned. I nodded my head quickly. Inseong clicked his tongue, “That’s not going to work baby girl, I need verbal consent.” He chided.

“Yes, yes you can send it to him! Hurry!” I cried, trying to bounce down on him and failing. He sent it and looked at me with satisfaction. 

 “You can’t cum until he see’s it. He has to see how pretty you look riding me.” Inseong tutted, thrusting gently. I rocked against him, desperate for more. It seemed to go on for hours, working myself to get close before being denied the right. Inseong suddenly grinned before he thrusted up roughly. I cried out in joy as I was filled perfectly to the brim. A happy smile rested on my lips as I was bounced from the thrusts, my boobs jiggling slightly from the force.

I tried to hold in the orgasm that bubbled in me, pulling Inseong into a messy kiss. He pulled away, a trail of saliva connecting our lips, “Cum.” He groaned, thrusting into me at a fast rate. He pressed against my G spot, abusing it over and over again. His hands rubbed my back soothingly. My eyes closed in pleasure as I screamed out. Inseong silenced me with a kiss as we came together.

We panted for a moment before he lifted me up and placed me back on the couch, wrapping me in blankets once again. He kissed my hair, stroking it gently. He was quiet for a while before he spoke up, but even then he was quiet, “ Jaeri, do you-” he paused, “regret what we just did?” I thought about it for a moment.

There was finally another person who cared about me and wanted me to feel safe. Maybe he was the only one who cared all along. And now that I noticed him how could I forget him? “No, I don’t think I do. If anything I think this is the first thing in a while I haven’t regretted.”