So I’ve been on this kick of watching really bad movies, so I thought, why not try to watch some klaroline scenes? It’d been so long, and girls are still so obsessed with it, that I wanted to check it out again and see if there was an appeal there that had gone unnoticed by me. After all, it couldn’t be as bad as I remember. I was right; It was worse.
The dialogue is downright godawful. I’ve never seen a romance spell out what it is as much as klaroline. Klaus’ character is verbally pitching the idea to us at every turn, literally listing off the reasons Caroline fits the role, “you’re beautiful, you’re strong, you’re full of light” And how exactly does he know any of this? Was this during the imaginary time he spent falling in love with her that the writers didn’t bother to show for…reasons? But I’ll get to that later. The writers, when it came to klaroline, didn’t believe in subtly one bit. “So you’ve never felt the attraction that comes when someone whose capable of doing terrible things for some reason cares only about you.” Holy shit, captain obvious is writing this story! Instead of showing us this angle, the writers take the lazy way out and have Klaus tell the audience that this is what the story is, because even the writers realize they’re failing. How bad can this get?
Let’s look at all the iconic romantic scenes they have. There’s him giving her his blood–after he bit her. There’s him saving her life–after he stabbed her and bit her on the neck and watched her slowly die. There’s that cringe inducing speech about the hummingbird that only shippers thought wasn’t hilarious. Oh and there’s their sex scene which was a quick hump against a tree that lacked any kind of romance. And here’s a glaring fact that’s always bothered me: Klaroline literally has no beginning. To this day I’m sure the writers have no idea when Klaus spontaneously fell for Caroline. Most love stories have a beginning and an end, and Klaroline only has an ending.
I don’t even need to get into how gross and abusive the relationship is because the story speaks for itself, so I’ll get into the overall structure. The progression of the relationship was terrible. Nothing about it felt natural. One episode they’re screaming at each other (big shock), and then the next episode it’s like it never happened. Like the writers literally couldn’t remember where they had left off and were too lazy to go back and watch. And boy were their scenes ever repetitive. Flirt, rejection, fight, roll credits annnnd reuse. Every scene is Klaus rambling about himself and not giving a shit about what Caroline is into.
But let’s get to probably the worst part of this story: the character assassination. Caroline and Klaus were my favorite characters before their first big scene. You would think finding out your fave male and fave female were getting together would be awesome, but no, no, no. In order for Klaroline to happen, their characters had to be stripped of everything that made them worth watching. Caroline, who had finally come into her own and turned into a brave, strong woman, was now shrieking in every episode and obsessing over the men in her life (and her awesome relationship with Stefan vanished), and let’s not forget the prom dress scenario. What happened to a wounded Care telling Stefan, “I’m not girly little Caroline anymore.” And then there’s Klaus…dear God, Klaus. Remember the villain who showed up at the end of season 2, who had followers, who had Katherine running for hundreds of years? Wasn’t that fun? Instead let’s have him talk about hummingbirds, paint ponies and snowflakes, follow around a seventeen year old girl like a lost puppy dog, get outwitted by newbie vamps, and come across like a generally pathetic stalker who shows love by shoving a lamp in your gut. Now doesn’t that sound like a great character! I will say, these characters have made a recovery, but them being on separate shows had to happen in order to achieve this. Not a coincidence.
In short: Klaroline is insulting to my brain as a human being, adult, woman, and a writer. It’s the kind of storyline you expect a teenage girl to be writing in her notepad that never sees the light of day. I’m just sincerely relieved to know it’s dead.