i feel useless sometimes

anonymous asked:

I made up an asexual blog and aphobes are harassing me on it lately when it got more popular. I didnt do anything wrong I dont harass or look down on non aces or other lgbt people or anything (I get messages like "You aces are ugly ugly ugly homophobes and transphobes!!!!") . I seriously lost all my inspiration for the blog and they suceeded in making me feel bad about my sexuality and mae me feel like I am unwanted and unworthy because of it.

Hello, Anons!

I’ve been waiting until I had two messages on the same subject, and what do you know, it’s asexuality!

First of all, your Slightly Aggressive Affirmer is asexual. And I’m super cool, in multiple ways, like a fucking sun smart polar bear who surfs the ice floes in sunglasses and sensible but stylish freakin’ hats. Therefore being asexual must also be ultra-cool. I am a scientist, and this is science fact I have decreed it!

Okay, but seriously though:

You are not a bad person or unworthy or unwanted. Having pride in your sexuality and trying to help others feel that pride too is awesome! It doesn’t mean that you’re “looking down” on anybody. Getting unprovoked messages saying that you’re homophobic or transphobic doesn’t make those things true. I’m sure there are some asexual people who are, because there are SO MANY different people in the world with different opinions. But your sexuality doesn’t automatically mean you hate anybody. If it did, there’d be no straight allies.

Also, there are asexual people who are trans (I personally know three) and there are asexual people who also identify as gay, because of their romantic orientation. And they can have asexual pride too. Some of them even run asexual blogs! So your attackers are coming at you with no fucking logic whatsoever, and it’s okay to ignore them.

Which brings me to a second point, and this ones for ALL THE BLOGGERS out there, not just the asexual ones:

You do NOT have to listen to or respond to hate. I know how it feels to get hateful messages, both here and on my personal blog. It really hurts and it’s so hard to ignore what people say. Most people have it built into us then when someone criticises us or our actions, we need to apologise or try to fix the situation. I think that’s why online hate hurts so much. It makes you feel that you have done something wrong, and your brain’s response to that is to try and fix things. And if the thing you’ve been told is wrong is a part of who you are, like your sexuality, it’s very hurtful because you know you can’t fix it.

But when someone sends you abuse for being who you are, it can help to remind yourself that you DO NOT need to apologise or fix yourself. They are the person who is doing something wrong. The fact you are being told you’re a bad person doesn’t make it true.

Imagine I’m in the supermarket, shopping for chocolate milk and cheesecakes, and a stranger came up and yelled in my face that I’m useless. That would be very distressing and frightening for me, but it wouldn’t actually be true. This total stranger doesn’t know me or anything about me (except maybe that I make poor dietary choices). Without knowing me, how would they know whether I’m useful or not? They don’t know that I’m always there to offer my friends a ride if they need one. They don’t know that I helped my friend move last weekend, driving my car and helping make sure each box went to the right place, because I wanted to make up for my physical inability to carry heavy boxes. They don’t know that I volunteer. Or that I run a blog dedicated to slightly aggressively affirming people.

The fact that the random stranger says I am useless does not mean that I am. Sometimes I feel like I am, so it might be difficult for me to deal with being told that. But strangers do not have any right to comment or make me feel bad.

The sad thing about the internet is that people CAN say these things, and they feel like they can do so, safely and anonymously. They feel much safer going to someone’s blog and accusing them of something than they would feel approaching randoms in a supermarket. This is true, even when they’re using their real name and identity, such as on Facebook. Studies into social media behaviour have found that people will say things online that they wouldn’t say in public, such as using racial slurs or making violent threats.

What this means to me is that people who attack you online are cowards. They won’t say these things in the outside world, but will say them if they feel there aren’t consequences.

So, to recap so far:

a) Being proud of your sexuality doesn’t make you a bad person.
b) Just because someone tells you you’re a bad person, doesn’t make it true.
c) People who attack other people on the internet are cowardly.

As for being asexual, well, here’s a little about that:

a) Asexual people are fab. I have decreed this.
b) Asexual people are not broken, damaged, inhuman or wrong.
c) All identities on the aro and ace spectrums are real and valid.
d) There’s all different kinds of people who are asexual. It’s as diverse as any other group. Some like sex and some don’t. Some like polka dots and others prefer stripes. There are aro-aces and panromantic aces and loads of other orientations in the middle. All of them are valid.
e) Because all aces are so different, no one can EVER make a judgement about who you are on the basis of your sexuality.

And f) because it’s important:

All your feelings about your asexuality (or any other orientation you might be) are valid. Asexual pride is great, but if you struggle to feel good about your asexuality, that is okay. If you wish you weren’t asexual, that’s just as valid as being full of pride. You’re not letting anyone down. It’s not your job to represent all asexual people. You can even have mixed feelings. Maybe sometimes you’re proud of who you are, and other times you feel lonely or useless and wishing things were different. That’s okay. Your feelings about your orientation are ALL valid.

YOU are valid, your sexuality is real, you’re not wrong or broken, you DEFINITELY DEFINITELY DO DESERVE LOVE (in whatever form you prefer, romance, friendship, etc). And being proud of your sexuality does not mean you look down on other people’s.

YOU ARE A SPARKLY FUCKING CAKE-FARTING PURPLE AND GREY DRAGON!!! YOU’RE SHINY AND STRONG AND BEAUTIFUL!!!

- The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer

(ps. if you don’t know @theasexualityblog, check it out. full of pride but also has the reassuring answers to your questions. and is super nice)

(pps. anon #2, i’ve queued some ace-pridey type affirmations for you and I hope they help)

I have to stop punishing myself for mistakes I make. Not that I should just let myself off the hook for making mistakes, of course, but I should be less…harsh? on myself for occasionally making errors. If I make one mistake, one completely accidental, unintended mistake, I immediately beat myself up about it and convince myself I’m a terrible, intolerable person who shouldn’t be trusted and whose perceived kindness and desire to be a good, loving person is all a front. I’ve always been this way, it’s probably why getting shouted at for something at school always terrified me into silence for days on end.

But like, sometimes I will make mistakes. Sometimes I will be wrong or I will (inadvertantly) do something shitty. And I guess that’s okay? I’m human so of course I’ll make human errors occasionally. I’m not perfect. But what’s really important, what should define me, is how I react to my mistakes. How I try to mend them. Because I always do try to figuratively clean up after myself, and that should be what drives me through.

On the other hand, one day, I’m convinced all my friends will get sick of the amount of mistakes I make and will inevitably make and just conclude that I’m a bit of a twat tbh. I don’t know if this is a self-confidence thing, but I have to be loved by everybody, I have to be accepted as a likeable person by everyone, especially people I admire. And if I keep making mistakes, I won’t be. I have to be the very essence of affability at all times, otherwise I’ll lose everyone.

.

Aftershow

Calum Hood - 1539 words

I am having Calum feels. Shush.

—————————————————————-

“It would be quite crazy if we ever met them, but still. I  mean – It’s not like we have a thousand chances to run into them. We get like one in a million chances.” I breathe out the smoke that I had willingly let enter my lungs briefly, my pointer finger tapping on the cigarette to get rid of the excess of ashes. My best mate, the one who had dragged me to a five seconds of summer concert to begin with, sits next to me, fumbling with the label of a bottle before twisting the cap and taking a sip. She holds it out to me but I shake my head briefly, indicating I wasn’t interested. I was parched, but I felt numb. I was so tired right now and I know she wanted to get to the car and get going, back home, more than an hour drive, but I just needed a few to just sit here, enjoy my smoke and calm the fuck down.

“I know, but it would be amazing, wouldn’t it? Something would go right in our lives.” I scoff as I take another drag, eyes focusing on an old man staggering along with a walking stick. He should know better than to take this route to wherever he was going with an arena filled with young people and not get run over. “There are many things that go right in our lives. We just have way to high hopes, everyone does. People are complaining about their shitty life until they win the lottery. Do you know that winning the lottery is a one in two hundred – going on three hundred million chance? I think I read that somewhere.” She cocks an eyebrow when I once again provide her with a useless piece of information, but sometimes I had a feeling my head was filled with those things. Useless crap.

I shoot my cigarette away and it lands just in front of a woman maybe in her mid-forties, a young child hanging on her arm. She grants me with one of those vicious mum glares and I shoot her an apologetic grin in return, although I am laughing at her dumb struck face. “Feeling better already?”
“Kind of. I don’t know what came over me. Probably the heat or something. Low blood sugar levels? I had a rough day at work.” I shrug my shoulders and dig through my coat pocket for my pack of smokes, tapping one out and holding the open pack to my mate. She gently declines and I dig for my lighter before she holds one out to me. I grin widely at her and shoot her a wink as I hold the fire in front of my face. “You should learn to take better care of yourself.”
“Who’s talking?” I scoff immediately in return and I’m ready to give her a lecture about taking care of oneself but I’m ever so kindly interrupted with a strong male voice.

“Excuse me, can I borrow your lighter?” I turn my head and a smirk immediately crawls onto my features, pushing my sunglasses down my nose so I could confirm what I saw without the filter. “Well, one in three hundred million seemed to work for us.” I chuckle as I hand Calum the lighter, his eyebrows furrowed before he stands back to his full height. I shoot my friend a glimpse over my shoulder and I see her staring wide-eyed.

“Were you at the concert?” Calum asks as he holds his lighter back out to me and I gingerly take it from his hands to hold it out to the staring girl next to me. She seems to get out of her trance and answers. “Yeah, great show you gave.” Calum drops himself next to me and I turn back to stare at the people passing us by, although by now there were slim to none. Calum chose a good time for a smoke. He probably already knew by now the girls would’ve all dispersed and gone home.
“Glad you enjoyed it. You from around here?” I shake my head and bring the cigarette back to my lips, inhaling before answering him properly. “No, an hour drive from here. Waiting for the traffic to simmer down.” I point towards the endless cars, standing still and waiting to get on the highway.

“That sucks. But at least it’s the weekend, right?” He chuckles and we both smile, the conversation cut short when another male voice appears from behind us. “Cal, we were going to order some pizza what do you want? Oh hi.” Michael smiles and waves as he spots both my friend and I and we wave back. I am silently awaiting what my friend would do, seeing as Michael was her favorite. I was staying fairly calm seeing as how my favorite was sitting right beside me. “Hi Mike, this is.. Shit I didn’t get your names.” He smiles at me and I think I might have actually made one of the faces my best friend always laughs at.

“I’m Y/BF/N and she’s Y/N.” I’m grateful for her swift answer because for a second I was out of this world and forgetting there was actually a question thrown my way. Calum tosses the last bit of his cigarette onto the street and raises back to his feet, dusting off his jeans before turning to Michael. “Well, that traffic isn’t going anywhere soon. You guys up for some pizza?” Calum smiles and I turn towards my best friend who gives me those eyes that mean are you even fucking asking you moron?!. So I turn back around and raise to my feet as well, throwing my smoke along where I’d flicked the other one off to. I nod my head at Calum and Michael waits for us until we’re at his side.

“So, you girls from around here?” Michael sparks up a conversation with my friend and I decide to just walk a thread slower, dangling behind them when I feel a warm presence besides me. “You’re a bit pale.” Calum states matter-of-factly and I can’t help but snort and shake my head just the lightest. “I didn’t have time to eat a proper dinner and I’m just feeling that.” I shrug my shoulder as I let him lead me through a thick, black door at the back of the arena and we’re met with gray cement walls that seem to go on forever.

“Then you’ll get a whole pizza to yourself!” Calum nudges my upper arm with his elbow and I push him away, chuckling lightly. Michael and Y/BF/N disappear through a door and I stop, letting Calum walk in first. Both Ashton and Luke’s heads are raised, eyebrows furrowed as they stare us up and down. “Guys, this is Y/BF/N and Y/N. They’re our pizza dates for tonight.”
“Ah, so you do this every night? Good to know. As long as the food’s free.” I huff out as I let myself fall down next to Calum in one of the sofa’s that are provided for the artist, Calum chuckling, shaking his head at me as he shows me his dimples.

“You’re such a pizza whore.” Y/BF/N shakes her head while laughing and I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly, crossing one leg over another. “It’s just really really good.”
“So I’m ordering the usual and two extras? Luke stands to his feet, phone in hand as everyone shouts their consent. Luke disappears out of the room, phone already pressed to his ear as he mumbles our order.

“Let’s share things no one knows to get to know each other better. That’s way more fun than twenty questions.” Calum proposes and everyone seems to agree to it so he decides to go first. “I used Michael’s toothbrush twice already and Luke’s over five times by now.” He states and I have never seen Michael that pale before he shouts some obscene words towards his band mate. “You’re disgusting.” I whisper, keeping my eyes trained on the three other people in front of me. “At least my teeth were clean.” He grins back and winks and I bite my lip as soon as the gesture happens, cheeks flaring a bright shade of pink. “Y/BF/N, your turn.”

Y/BF/N turns towards me and smiles guiltily. “That time I puked in your bed, I knew I had done that. I just thought you’d be less mad if I faked ignorance.” My eyes widen and I hear Calum beside me gasp before bursting into hysterics, eyes clutched shut as his head disappears between his opened legs. “And you’re never sleeping in my fucking bed again! Did you know how horrible I felt because you were sick? Fuckin’ bitch!” I gasp, a small grin already crawling onto my cheeks as I try to hold in my laughter. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic.”

“Next time I’m sick I’ll just puke all over your car instead of wanting to sit and get free pizza.”
“I think you should reconsider your statistics.” Y/BF/N smugly grins at you which sends you into a fit of giggles, all the boys left confused at prior conversations. This was once in a life time.

Let me know what you think!
Lots of love,
L. xox

anonymous asked:

I've been kind of unlucky and have only had a couple professors who were really passionate about their subject so I just want to say that I wish I was able to find some who are as passionate as you are about literature. It makes all the difference sometimes. (Basically I think you're gonna be an awesome teacher!)

Unfortunately this happens to everyone. (And that’s part of the reason those professors who are still enthusiastic really stand out and make a difference.) I think it’s worth remembering that some professors are passionate about their subjects but they’ve just been run down by years of people telling them their subject is useless/arcane/irrelevant. God knows I feel that way sometimes. But here’s hoping my rabid love of the Bard will survive five years of a PhD and three years of teaching freshmen. (Whether I will be a remotely decent teacher remains to be seen, but I appreciate the vote of confidence.)

random bios (requested).Please like/reblog if you use!

but it’s hard to admit how it ends and begins

he can never get enough,get enough of the one

on his face is a map of the world 

this is our time to own it so own it

baby we will born with fire n gold in our eyes

there is something different about you and i

i feel like I have knew you my whole life

there is beauty behind every tears you’ve cried

baby we will fall with fire n gold in our eyes

there is love inside this madness

though I don’t believe in magic i believe in me and you

it happens in the time it took to look back

slow down before today becomes our yesterday

don’t force yourself to fit in where you don’t belong

i wanna respect everybody’s opinion but some peoples opinions are just so terrible

so crazy to think that someone out there is wishing and waiting for someone just like you

time doesn’t wait for anyone do it before it’s too late.

how do i get a flat stomach by tomorrow

sometimes i feel useless but then i remember i breathe out carbon dioxide for plants

what is it like to not be tired i can’t remember

my favorite activity is pretending that i can sing

*ends up dating myself*

life tip: fuck off

im a hot mess minus the hot part

mood: i’d rather be sleeping

i wanna be a sweet person but people are dumb man

interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing

do you ever think about how bitchy and annoying you really are and wonder how anyone ever tolerates you

i have style im just too broke to prove it

*cares more about tv series than social life and grades*

can i sell my feelings on ebay

i really fucking cant believe i wasted so much time on people i dont even care about anymore

tired has become part of my personality at this point

do u ever wanna start ur diet but then u realize how good food is

omg im so unphotogenic what am i gonna do when i become a celebrity

*accidentally trips on low self esteem*

ur ugly personality will ruin ur good looks for me

at least i know nobodys using me for my looks

im allowed to call myself ugly but you are not allowed to agree with me

I like being alone I just don’t like feeling alone

you know what’s awful? that i am reminded every day hundreds of times a day how much everyone hates fat people and it will never change! nothing i ever do will ever change it and i will never be worthy of anything to them as long as i live! nothing i ever say or do will ever convince them!! it is completely worthless to try and prove i’m not worthless! 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Originally posted by fudayk

You weren’t special, you didn’t have any superpowers, you weren’t a trained gymnast, you didn’t have a special suit, you were just you. At least that was the way you saw things. 

Every time you hung around Jaime and his friends you felt that way; for a long time you’d been fine because Tye had been just like you–average–but now Tye also had mystical powers and you felt inferior being the only one who wasn’t meta. 

“Why are you still with me?” You asked Jaime as one day as the two of you laid on his bed just listening to music. 

“Because you’re amazing and I love you.” Jaime said as he pulled your hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it. 

“But I’m just me Jaime and there’s nothing special about me. You have the chance to be with someone really amazing, all you’d have to do is leave me, I wouldn’t blame you.” You told him.

“Where is this coming from?” Jaime asked slipping an arm around your waist and pulling you closer to him. 

“It’s not coming from anywhere Jaime, it’s the truth.” You said trying to scotch away from him. 

“No it’s not the truth. (y/n) you’re amazing, you’ve normally got this energy I love being around, you’re smart, talented, beautiful, you’re love and caring. You’re special–”

“Stop it. Stop lying to me. Stir lying to yourself Jaime. I’m not special. I’m some average person that you bumped into on the first day of high school.” You said, somewhere in the middle of your argument you’d gotten up off of the bed and you were currently pacing back and forth in-front of him.

“Come here corazón, stop pacing for a minute.” He said as he caught hold of your wrist and pulled you towards him. “I love you okay? We’ve been together all of this time and never once has you not having abilities bothered me. I love you because of who you are, but if it really bothers you that much then I’ll ask Robin and Nightwing to see if they can train you when they have spare time, okay?” He offered as he pulled you even closer to him. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I just–I feel useless sometimes.” You said not meeting his eyes. 

“Look at me (y/n).” Jaime said as he lifted your chin. “You’re not useless, don’t ever think you’re anything but amazing. Eres mia amor.” Jaime said placing a loving kiss on your lips. 

Requested by anon

anonymous asked:

I was given my diagnosis back in early March. I haven't had a meltdown for months but the other night I lost it and ended up hitting my head badly then biting into my hands.. I'd been doing so well but there was too much going on and I was panicking too. I'd love some tips for myself and also my boyfriend on how to help me as an autistic person as he feels very useless sometimes.. I also Stim a lot, and I was wondering what stim toys you'd recommend and how to bring them up to family (I'm 18)

I’m going to start with the stim toys. @stimtastic is a wonderful place for stim toys; you can visit their webpage here. I’m super fond of their spinner rings and their chewable jewelry, but all of there stuff is going to be high quality.

For meltdowns and how your boyfriend can help you, that is going to be a very personalized experience. I can tell you what works well for me to give you some ideas, but ultimately you are going to have decide for yourself what to try and what not to try.

First, find a stim toy that is comforting to you, that makes you feel content or safe, and keep it with you at all times. Put it in your purse, put it in your backpack, attach it to a key chain, if it is jewelry, then wear it. This way, no matter what you do, you have a stim toy on you at all times that can deescalate an overload or meltdown.

Make sure your boyfriend knows what stim toys can be used to soothe you, so that he can bring them to you, and make sure knows to remind you to use them.

For me personally, I like someone to sit with me when I have a meltdown, even if they don’t interact with me. I also cannot stand when people touch me without permission - doing so can cause me to react violently - but I also crave touch during a meltdown. Having someone sit with me to keep me company until I can respond in text or verbally to simple questions so they can ask for permission to touch me (put a hand on my knee or shoulder, for example), is a huge, huge, help.

If you are non-verbal during meltdowns, or cannot accurately communicate if you are verbal, get Emergency Chat so you can use text if you are able. This allows you to set a message that you can show to anyone so they know what is happening, what to do, and what not to do.

If you like this app, help your boyfriend learn to recognize when it will be easier to use it, or when it will be easier to chat with you over phones, etc., rather than using your voice. That can help a lot with meltdowns, even if you are not particularly sound sensitive.

After meltdowns talk to your boyfriend. Tell him what worked, what didn’t. Even if you don’t know why it didn’t work. This is what my wife and I did for a while, and now we are pretty good about handling the other person’s meltdowns, even when we have meltdowns at the same time.

If you have more questions, send us another ask!

- Sam

It's Only a Dream

Pairing: Nicomaki

Word Count: 5309

Summary: Elegant dresses, extravagant dance halls, formal dancing that takes your breath away; for as long as she could remember, Nico dreamed of the sensation of being swept off her feet, gliding across a dance floor that was meant to make unforgettable memories. But for Nico, this was only ever a dream. 

Note: A thing I never expected would exist outside my daydreams. Inspired by this. Dedicated to my fav rectumlord 8) 

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Show Me I'm Your Everything//Calum Hood AU Shot

A/N: Once again an AU made me lose my shit and I felt the overwhelming need to elaborate just to make me hate myself more. This time is is boxer!Calum and give my drug dealer!Ashton one a read? Please?

It became smutty. And it’s only my second one, so no scathing reviews.

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