i feel the need to post my life in pictures

anonymous asked:

I love how protective they are of each other omg so cute. Yuuri is savage af when he needs to be. Viktor is so smitten. I feel like he'd be the kind to write cheesy ig captions like "my love and life" and yuri is half pleased and half embarrassed. Could you do a top ten Viktor Nikiforov cheesy ig posts about yuri? <3 from india

Top Ten Viktor Nikiforov’s Cheesy Instagram Posts About Yuuri:

10) A picture of Yuuri asleep captioned ‘Sleeping Beauty’ with a lot of love hearts emojis (actually every one on this list contains a lot of emojis because Viktor is definitely that kind of guy)

9) A picture of Yuuri cooking wearing a ‘Kiss the Chef’ apron captioned ‘lyubov moya has so many different talents – he is perfect’

8) A picture of Yuuri with both Viktor and Vicchan lying in his lap captioned ‘he loves us both but I’m his favourite Viktor’

7) A picture of Yuuri on the beach at sunset captioned ‘I am admiring the beautiful view. And also the sunset’

6) A picture of a bowl of Katsudon captioned ‘Katsudon is the second best thing to ever come out of Japan’ and when someone asks what the best thing is he replies ‘Yuuri’

5) A video of Yuuri pouring over a Russian textbook and mumbling Russian words to himself in a really cute accent as he tries to learn the language with Viktor’s ep10 *gay gasp* in the background

4) A picture of Yuuri on the podium with a gold medal captioned ‘first in the world and first in my heart’

3) A picture of Yuuri playing with their new labradoodle puppy that they got as a friend for Vicchan and Makkachin which was so adorable everyone melted captioned ‘a new member of the family’

2) A picture of him shirtless in bed with Yuuri lying curled up asleep on his chest captioned ‘the love of my life’

1) A picture of both of their right hands with their rings on captioned ‘forever’




Steve and Tony looked at each other and tried not to smile at the sound of a frantic Wade yelling for his boyfriend.

Ugh. Wade. Peter could do so much better. Peter is an honor student, he’s top of his class, he has a bright future full of opportunity, and he’s Tony’s son, dammit. And Tony doesn’t want his beautiful, perfect child in a relationship with a mercenary. Is that so wrong? Wouldn’t Peter rather date someone with more potential? A doctor maybe? No matter, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. As of now, Tony is just going to watch as his brilliant plan folds out.

Steve answers the door and narrowly misses getting punched in the face by Wade’s aggressive knocking.

“Oh, hi, Wade, it’s nice to see you today,” Steve feigned innocence, “Peter is in his room. Can I get you a snack or something to drink?”

“I’m good, Mr. Captain. Thanks.”, Wade grumbled as he walked past Steve and straight into Peter’s room, slamming the door behind him.

Steve and Tony froze and looked at each other in anticipation then scrambled to press an ear to Peter’s door when they heard muffled yelling.

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about, baby!”, Peter yelled back, sounding confused and exasperated.

“Oh, don’t ‘baby’ me! You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about! HASHTAG SINGLE?!?! THAT’S how you’re gonna break up with me?!”

“Wade, I haven’t even posted in, like, a week. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”




Steve and Tony ran across the room and tried to look like they’ve been busy in the kitchen this whole time as Wade stormed out of Peter’s room and out of the tower. They decided to wait a few minutes before checking on Peter. So far, everything has gone according to plan and Tony is very happy about it.

After about 5 minutes, Steve gently knocked on Peter’s door,

“Hey hun, can I come in?”

Steve opened the door upon hearing Peter’s automatic lock slide open and found him curled up on the bed, furiously wiping his eyes. Steve smiled sympathetically and sat down on the edge of the bed,

“Hey, big guy. What happened?”

Peter tried not to cry as he rehashed the conversation he had with Wade while Steve pretended he wasn’t listening at the door and heard every word.

“I just don’t understand,” Peter said tearfully, “I never posted that picture. That picture isn’t even of me, that’s not even our bathroom! But Wade wouldn’t listen so now the love of my life hates me.”

“That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?”, Steve chuckled and Peter couldn’t help but crack a half smile at his dad. Steve tried his best to cheer Peter up, but he couldn’t shake the guilt he was feeling. Peter wouldn’t need cheering up if it wasn’t for him. Sure, Wade is a jackass but he’s Peter’s jackass. If Wade makes Peter happy, who is he to keep them apart? He’s gotta talk to Tony about this, Steve can’t stand lying to his son.

                             ~                                                          ~                                                          ~

“Absolutely not.”

“But Tony-“

“Steve. Honey. If we tell Peter then we’re the bad guys. Peter will never trust us again! Let him be sad for now, he’ll bounce back soon enough and it’s like it never happened. It’s for his own good.”

Steve sighed thoughtfully as Tony continued tinkering with whatever the heck he was working on at the moment.

“Look, Tony, I know how much you dislike-“

“I hate him.”

“…I know you have strong feelings towards Wade, but I can’t live with myself after what we did to Peter!”

“Wait. What?”, Steve flinched when he heard Peter behind him.

Tony shut his eyes tight and cursed under his breath before dropping his tools and turning around to face his son.

“What did you do to Peter?”, Peter asked, narrowing his eyes at his parents.

“Nobody did anything to Peter. Go to your room.”, Tony snapped.

Peter turned his attention to Steve, “Pops, what did you guys do?”

“Steve, don’t do it. Be strong.”, Tony murmured.

But contrary to popular belief, Steve was not strong. At least when it came to Peter, that is. His son could give him that look with the puppy dog eyes that say “I trusted you and you betrayed me” and it’s all over. Any willpower Steve has will just vanish.

“We. Um. We sort of… shopped? For your photo?”

“Photoshop, Steve.”, Tony said as he rubbed his temples. He loves his husband and son but man, could they give him a headache.

“Yes, photoshopped. We photoshopped your face to another person’s body. Well, Tony did. And then we… hacked?”

“Yes, Steve.”

“We ‘hacked’ into your account and posted the picture for Wade to see. Well, Tony did. And we made sure the words under the picture would make Wade mad so he you guys would get in a fight… Well, Tony did.”

“Steve. We get the picture, dammit.”

Peter looked at his feet and took a second to process this. His own parents were trying to sabotage his relationship?

“Why? Why would you guys do that?”, he asked.

“We’re really sorry sweetheart”, Steve placed a hand on the side of Peter’s face, “We thought it was for the best. I think now we see that we were wrong, don’t we Tony?”

“Hm? Oh. Uh… yeah. Totally wrong. Won’t try this again anytime soon.”

“You mean that, Dad?”, Peter asked Tony.


Peter smirked. He had his Dad in a box right now and they both knew it. He might as well take advantage of this opportunity and embarrass him.

“Then would you mind calling Wade for me and explaining all of this to him? I’d like my boyfriend back.”

~request a prompt~

Why I Don’t Think Victorian Mourning Practices Were Creepy

(a much-requested post)

so for those of you unfamiliar with the topic, a brief primer. Victorians had a very formal mourning culture; the bereaved would dress in certain ways for certain periods of time, special mourning jewelry often made of jet and pearls was very popular, and practices we look askance at today like post-mortem photography and the production of wax mourning dolls wearing the clothes of dead children were commonplace

okay I’m not actually sure about the mourning dolls. it’s a popularly-cited “tradition” that I can’t find any 100% certain evidence of. there definitely are wax baby and child dolls with real hair presented in elaborate boxes, but devotional wax dolls meant to depict the baby Jesus were also a thing, so- anyway. getting off topic there.

post-mortem photography in particular appears in listicles with titles like “10 WTF Things Victorians Did!” and that really irritates me, because it’s just how people dealt with grieving. if we look- really look -at our modern culture, very few of these practices have gone away. they’ve just become informal and personalized, rather than being part of a formal, near-universal mourning culture

many parents still save a lock of a baby’s hair, even if they don’t make elaborate hairwork jewelry with it. we still assign special meaning to a ring given us by a dead relative, or a locket. post-mortem photography still exists; there are post-mortem photographs of my late older brother at his funeral, and in an age where photography is a matter of tapping a screen, pictures of the deceased in life are more likely to exist and negate the need for posed corpse photos. we still wear black to funerals and some people wear black armbands for longer to indicate mourning, though the custom is fast-disappearing. all that’s really gone is the understood public face of mourning

and I feel like that’s not entirely a good thing. there’s no universal way to say “I’m grieving; please understand and take that into account.” we’re expected to get back to normal as soon as possible and be unaffected by the loss of a loved one (if not explicitly then tacitly, as seen in the societal messages around us). it’s my belief that the period of mourning allowed people to take more time with the natural grieving process

of course, the flip side of that was that grieving could be dishonest and force people into uncomfortable situations. a widow whose abusive husband died, for example, would be expected to mourn for at least two years (and a large chunk of that in the veil and uncomfortable ultra-conservative black gowns of deepest mourning)

so in the end, I don’t feel like one or the other is really better. nowadays we have a more personalized form of mourning, but we’re expected to be okay again as soon as possible and people don’t really know what to do with someone who is grieving. in the 19th century they had this codified, public mourning that everyone recognized and understood, but those rules could force people into mourning in a way that wasn’t comfortable for them (or even necessary, sometimes). however, I do not in any way feel that Victorian mourning culture was creepy

we’re all just trying to cope with one of the most heartbreaking things one can experience in the best way possible. regardless of time and place. and if people can’t see the emotions of loss and longing behind even the more esoteric mourning practices of the 19th century, I don’t know what to tell them


February 23rd 2017 It’s been a while since I’ve posted one of these, largely because I just haven’t had the energy to craft or edit pretty photos, and doing so would have felt a bit disingenuous. So for the sake of some much needed candour I thought I’d go ahead and share some pictures of what my desk looks like right now. I bought myself a planner, calendar, and notepad as a birthday present (they are so lovely, bless Rifle Paper Co.) but am still feeling pretty blah about my work…which is why I’m watching Star Trek TOS right now instead of reading. Such is life. 

omg you guys my likes section is almost EXCLUSIVELY mad sweeney

i………………………………love him so much and AG was so satisfying BUT IT TOO IS OVER

that being said, i’m still going to spend most of the summer doing American Gods work, because it was so refreshing. after the wringer spn put me through, i really was trying to make mountains out of molehills. i do have a few spn comic ideas to get to, tho!

SO IN REGARDS TO SPN CONS I’M WORKING! my plans for the rest of the year (which are subject to change, but this is the basic overview!) are:

  • CHICAGO, IL JULY 14-16
  • NEW ORLEANS, LA OCT. 27-29

sanfran might still be on the table, but it’s a bit too far off to tell right now. i love seeing everyone’s faces with my traveling comic show HOWEVER i might need a month to get my bearings at some point :’)

anyway here’s that gif of me with my cat band again

Ever since I saw your baby pictures,
I see you so differently now.
In a good way though.
Looking at them was like,
finding a piece of a puzzle of your life.
And I finally got it.
When I look at you, it all makes sense now.
Where you come from and why you’re so happy all the time.
There’s still so many puzzle pieces I need to find from you,
but I’m glad I found one today.
—  Let’s Find More Pieces Together

i dare every person who shits on Flo and calls her ugly to post a picture of their own face.

Oh you cant ? How sad yeah i rather be anonymous too and sht on people i dont know for reasons i have no clue about and tag my hate in the tag altho a pathetic place like an anti tag does exist cause i need attention and feel  not loved or have whatever issues. So i piss off her fans and people that like her so i share my miserable life  with others.

She is still gorgeous as fuck inside and outside cant say the same about you.

@jasperstudies made this really wonderful post about studyblr honesty that’s stuck with me for a while, so here’s a “behind the scenes” picture of what my homework normally looks like. 

As a Classics student, I do a lot of translation work, and it’s fun to share some of the pretty, polished translations that I do every week. But behind every picture I post, there’s a messy first draft (or two or three) covered in my corrections. I never write out a first draft in cursive - it’s not worth it! I also do most of my day-to-day classwork with cheap pens that I’ve had for years. 

temporary hiatus announcement

Hey everyone,

I’ve been feeling like it’s time to step away from tumblr for a while and push the reset button, so I’ll be away for the month of August. The timing works well, because I’ll be traveling for a good chunk of the month, and it’ll give me a chance to really focus on some more important priorities for a while. :) (And read a few Rogue One novels, listen to more Eight and Charley Big Finish audios, and catch up on a few other long multi chap fics in my reading queue.)

In the meantime, I am hoping to start writing and posting at least a few of the 800 follower fic giveaway prompts. (At least, that’s the plan, because writing is fun, and if I feel like writing, I want to do it.) 

For now, I will only be posting to AO3, so if you have an account but usually only read my stuff on tumblr, maybe find me there? I’ll also be updating my Tiny TARDIS Instagram account with pictures of my adventures, if you’re interested. :)

Find me here:

Writing: AO3
Instagram: Tiny_TARDIS_Adventures

See you back in September!! 


Apologies for the lack of updates over on the Survive the Shadows tumblr. Storm and I kind of burnt ourselves out from writing Book of Shadows and there’s a lot of stuff going on in real life right now be it original projects or other matters. We do have stories but we’re just not quite ready to publish. We need time to collect our thoughts and also recover from the burn out. We’ll still be taking questions over there but story updates aren’t gonna happen for awhile save the supplement pictures I plan to post there.

So in the mean time, feel free to drop questions over there if you like, we’re just on story hiatus. Again, my sincerest apologies to those who were looking forward to more stories. We want to give our best and we don’t perform as well when our brains are fried. So, thank you for those who are still following and waiting patiently. your support is immensely appreciated.

Please accept this Willowson picture as a peace offering.

Love you guys.

“Is that so?”

A Drewlock doodle to wind down, done yesterday evening. His expressions are the best. I’ll never get tired of watching him.

It also feels good to just draw again. I just love drawing expressions, eyes and eyebrows and faces in general. If I could do that for the rest of my life, I’d be a happy little muffin.

On a side note: I finished the TdV anniversary piece yesterday *hurray*. I won’t post it until the Vienna premiere on September 30th though. Mainly because I need to find a copy shop that does oversize scanning. It’s too big for my scanner at home. And the perspective is always screwed up when I try to take pictures.

Hi everyone! I’m Mal! I’ve been part of the studyblr community for a while now and I think its time I take a stab at having my own blog. I just turned 20 so I feel like I should take some responsibility in life! 

I can’t wait to meet new people! 

Reblog and like this post so I can start following more and more amazing blogs xx

Thank you so much for being such a welcoming and loving community <3 

If you want to know a bit more about me keep reading! Sorry for the horrifyingly long post

Me -

  • I am 20 yrs old
  • I’m in my 3rd year of medical school in London
  • I am Indian, but born and brought up in the Philippines


  • I love to sing - i’ve been a part of various styles of music from the age of 7 (carnatic, western, choir etc.)
  • I am obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy and watching shows in general (it’s toxic) 
  • I have a new found love for Truffles and Avocado

Why did I make a studyblr? 

  • I want to get a grip in life, I’ve had a rough two years at uni 
  • I want to create better study and productivity habits this year 
  • I just wanna meet new people from various backgrounds. And hopefully make this a place to talk and share concerns, issues, stories and ideas :) 
  • I need motivation… :P

Favourite studyblrs that inspired me to start


  • I want to start a 100 days of productivity challenge and successfully complete it 
  • Actually stick to a planner for more than a few months
  • Learn how to stay focused
  • Be happier 
  • Be healthier 
  • Be better (as a person) 

What am I going to post? 

  • Study motivation
  • Quotes 
  • Pictures of my notes / Studying in general
  • Advice and master posts about organisation, note-taking and studying
  • Daily updates
  • Random tidbits about my life (if everyone’s interested) 

Feel free to message me! My ask is always open <3 

Thank you for reading! xx


Instead of disappearing into the woods today I decided to cope by harvesting lavender. Gods did it make things easier, it’s impossible to be sad when you are surrounded by the soothing energy of lavender. I spent a good amount of time amongst the field, I whispered songs to the plants and told them of my troubles. I even found some baby praying mantids, they looked almost purple in color. Also there was a ton of honey bees, I haven’t seen that many in awhile, they were all over everything they hung out in the lavender I had collected, and some even hung out on me. I wonder if they could tell I was sad and were trying to make me feel better.

Anyway I figured I would post the pictures of my harvest. I need to think of things to use all this lavender for now.

PHOTOS ARE PROPERTY OF HONEYCOYOTE. Please don’t remove the caption from the photos.

photos taken at our family friends farm the Golden Earthworm Organic Farm,  it is a NOFA-NY certified organic CSA farm with 80 acres of active production.

Red - George Weasley imagine

“Hi! Maybe you could try a George imagine were the reader is blind/deaf/mute? And he’s really nervous about it and Always sats the wrong thing, bur y/n just think it’s sweet?”

I’m having such a mind block… But I was feeling so bad for not posting anything these past few days… I hope the anon who sent me this don’t get mad as I pictured George and Y/N as being kids. I needed something kinda fluffy on my life… Desperately.


“How’s ‘red’, Georgie?”

The toddler looked at the little girl with bright green eyes next to him.

“What, Y/N?”

“How ‘red’ looks like?”

“Hm, I don’t know… I’m not quite sure…” little George gazed at his friend’s static beautiful eyes “Why?”

“Sooner this morning mum said to daddy that search for your daddy was easy. As he had a red-flaming head”.

“We all, actually” he laughs “Its a Weasley thing”.

“I do know what ‘flaming’ is” she laughs, squeezing his hand with excitement.

“Do you?” George sounds genuinely curious, watching her carefully while walking at the Burrow’s garden.

“Yeah, I burned my finger once when I touched a candle” she laughs, and he laughs with her, gazing at the empty space on her mouth without a teeth.

“Y/N, do you want to hear something curious?”.

“What, Georgie?”

“Muggles believe that fairies exchange your teeth for money!”

“Really?” she widen her static eyes, truly impressed.

“What a stupid thing” he shakes his head “Dad loves muggles. But sometimes they can be so dumb. Why would a fairy give you money if she can exchange your tooth for some candy to ruin the rest of your teeth?”.

“You’re brilliant, Georgie” the six-year-old smiles and George blush “But Georgie… How ‘red’ looks like?”.

“Well, just like my hair” he laughs, but then he cover his mouth with his hand, shocked.

“Georgie?” she frowned, worried about his silence.

“I’m sorry, Y/N…” he mumbles, full of regret “I didn’t mean to…”

“To what?” she stops, turning her head to the direction from where she listened to George’s words.

“Mum said to… Well, nothing” he sighs, gazing at your static green eyes “Did you know your dress is red?”

“Really?” she’s’ truly amazed, touching the fabric with her small chubby fingers “How it looks like?”

“Well… It’s, uh, red… “ he began to regret it “And full of dots…”

“How full of dots?”

“Hm, like this…” he starts to poke her arm multiple times, but in a gentle way, making her smile and laugh.

“I feel tickles!”

George laughs, hugging her and kissing the top of her head. He blushed and for a second he feel relieved by the fact that she can’t see him, but then a feeling of guilt engulfs the little seven-year-old boy.



“Charlie went to Hogwarts too?”


“With Bill”.

“Oh, yes, he went”. he frowned, taking care for her little friend not stumble on some roots at the garden.

“When you go there with Fred.. Would you write to me?”

“How are going read it?” he said abruptly, blushing violently as he paralyzed with shame “Y/N…”

“It’s okay” she smiled, squeezing his hand “Mum can read it to me”.

“I didn’t mean to…”

“You need to write about everything, okay?”

“Okay…” an instantaneous sorrow made his eyes filled with bitter tears “Y/N…”


“How… How will us manage to do this?”

“What, Georgie?”

“For you… to go Hogwarts too” he stared her at length, analyzing any change of her expressions. The only thing that George saw was an amused smile.

“I won’t, Georgie” she shrugged, laughing “Mum and dad will teach me at home”.

“But we need to do something, this is not fair! It’s not because you’re blind… Oh, Y/N… “ he cried with regret “I don’t…”

“You’re cute, Georgie” suddenly, she froze in place moving her free hand in the air, until he clasped them together “Promise me that when you grow older you’ll teach me everything you learnt at Hogwarts”

“I do!” he swore wholeheartedly “Everything!”.

“But Georgie…”

“What, Y/N?”

“How’s ‘red’?” she asked with a laugh, hearing him sigh.

“Annoying creature” he smiled, biting his lip, nervous “I… I don’t know how to explain it to you… as you can’t… sorry”

“Can I touch your hair?”

“Uh? Oh, sure” he leaned a bit, and her chubby fingers grabbed, softly, a lock of his red and slightly dry hair.



“That was how red looks like?”

“What do you mean?”

“Thorny” she giggled, amused.

“Nice one” he was blushing, watching her touching the fabric of her dress “A different red”.

“It’s nice to have red hair?”

“Yeah, it is” he shrugged.

“I wish I could know…”


“How red looks like”.

“Why are you so obsessed about it?”.

“Because mum told me it’s your mark and your family’s. She said it’s not quite common… Seems special”.

“It is…”

“You’re a clever boy, Georgie, can’t you… can’t you tell me?” her green clouded  eyes seemed suddenly full of life, like there was something working behind the stalled iris. George felt a punch at his gut.

Biting his lip and taking a deep breath, he leaned to her, kissing her cheek gently. He was sure his face was burning red, like hers.

“Well, It’s how ‘red’… Uh, feels like…”

Caught cheating [Harry] Article


After tons of pictures appeared of Harry Styles and model, Nadine, Styles admitted to the cheating just a little over a month ago. 

Styles and his now EX-girlfriend Y/L/N had been together since late 2013, the two being friends before that. Fans loved the couple, quickly approving of the relationship for their idol. 

HarryStyles: Fan put this pap collage together of me and my love. Y/N is a great person who I am not only happy to have as a best friend but as someone I want to spend my life with. Thank you for the kind words and positive vibes. H x 

The picture above was posted November of 2013 and that was how he confirmed the relationship. 

When the first pictures of Harry and Nadine appeared, Y/N was seen leaving the couple’s apartment with her head down. When a fan asked about it later i the day, the 20 year old said: “Right now, I need to be alone and deal with this.” 

HarryStyles: I miss this. I hate that I did what I did. I hate that I made you feel like you weren’t good enough. Y/N, you are beautiful. You are my best friend and I am truly and deeply sorry. I am devastated that I won’t be the reason that you smile. I love you. 

Y/N recently did an interview with Oprah, a mentor of the young business, told her how she felt. 

It’s not that I’m more angry with him, I am angry with myself for not being good enough. But out of everything, I am humiliated. Feeling like I was being played during my relationship is not the best feeling. I love him so much though,” She said, cutting off as she cried. 

Fans have expressed their unhappiness and disappointment in the boy bander, and so has his family and bandmates. 


Quick update!

I haven’t been posting lately due to life just crushing me right now. For the past few days I have just had this feeling like I’m stuck or standing still. It feels like everyone I graduated college with are doing some amazing things. While I’m still trying to figure out what in the world I want to be. I thought I had a clear picture of this but now I’m not so sure. Just needed a few days away from Tumblr so I won’t go and compare myself to anyone. Going for a quick run on Monday helped.

I honestly wasnt going to post anymore pictures of my cousin because A) it was getting a little creepy and B) Im a RP blog. But upon popular demand, Matts request, and the fact that its been a year, heres yet another photo of cousin matt in plaid for all your cousin matt in plaid needs. Happy cousin mattaversary

cousin matt FAQ found >here<

for mi radish

ok so as of 9.29.17 that was our fIRST FRIEND ANNIVERSARY of one month wow I am CRUING

so I just love u so much I need to express through a 1065 slide power point

I would if I could :’)

OKAY so here r some things to make u happy n know I love u more than life itself 

n i’m sorry i didn’t post sooner or it isn’t as amazing as the one you made me, but just know i love you so much and i can’t wait to take bad pictures of u n throw shade and leave hyuck notes in ur room and house to make u feel happy that’s my dream omh

Keep reading

My eating disorder recovery was very different than most of those posted on instagram, tumblr, Facebook, etc. I’m not saying yours is better mine was worse, vise versa. But I feel weirdly like my eating disorder and recovery has been invalidated because it wasn’t broadcasted on social media, so this will be a rant. Feel free to stop reading. 

ED recovery blogs/ Instagram accounts are full of cliff bars, yoga, screen shots of texts between friends who are struggling, posts about discussions with therapists and dietitians, meal plans, “trigger warning” tags, organic veggie burgers, pictures of new athletic gear, pictures with friends for smoothie dates, pictures of adorable girls who yes are struggling, but who are making progress, “little victories” of eating a tiny fucking vegan coconut soy whatever the fuck ice cream cone with vegan sprinkles on top. All of that is great! I’m glad people are getting support from others on social media, because that is the world we live in. I’m glad that those struggling with EDs can seek treatment, get good nutrition, exercise, etc. I’m glad that they feel empowered through their recovery, and I hope that every day they choose recovery. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want it to sound like I’m hating on ED recovery blogs. 

BUT my struggle with anorexia, bulimia, laxative abuse, over exercise, and my entire recovery was much, much, much, less shiny. I didn’t have an Instagram or tumblr, for fucks sake, I didn’t have a cell phone.  I didn’t get through recovery on organic tofu, smoothies, bars, free range this and that, and didn’t challenge myself with fancy cheese cakes with my parents. I gained my weight back on mashed potatoes, plain cheerios, store brand yogurt, and school lunch. THATS RIGHT HIGH SCHOOL LUNCH PIZZA. I gained my weight back bawling at the kitchen table eating spaghetti (no not whole grain! not organic! not gluten free!) while my my mom was shit faced across the table.

My recovery wasn’t full of texting conversations with others who understood what I was going through. I didn’t know a single fucking person who had an ED. When I tried explaining what was going on to my friends, their response was “yeah I went on a diet once!”. I spent most of my days eating my lunch in my car because my friends were uncomfortable with my illness. I wasn’t asked to go out and go on coffee dates with people to catch up. I spent every night writing in my journal (yes a paper journal!), taking care of my alcoholic mom, and wishing my life would be over. I had a boyfriend, but he wAs a piece of shit. He was the cause of it all. 

I didn’t have the opportunity to go to treatment. Again, don’t get me wrong. I am glad those who post on tumblr/instagram about treatment are able to receive treatment. But I was a fucking burden to my mom. I weighed 73 fucking pounds and IT WAS A BURDEN TO TAKE ME TO A DIETICIAN. I should have gone to treatment. I’m glad I didn’t. But when I see people saying how “it’s so unfair” that they might have to go to IP or IOP, some part of me feels like if I would have had the opportunity, it wouldn’t have taken me 7 fucking years to be okay.  My mom constantly told me I “needed to get over my ED” and “I was ruining everything” meanwhile she drank herself to sleep overnight (and by night I mean at 4 pm). I had no fucking support. The friends I had to support me are amazing and still my friends, but no one understood and so many people tossed me out when they found out about my ED. 

College was a fucking joke. Until the last semester of my senior year, I purged multiple times a day, took handfuls of laxatives, over exercised, restricted.  I somehow made it through though and am going into grad school, behavior free. My life is great now because I DON’T FUCKING NEED THIS.

But somehow, I still feel like my eating disorder and recovery wasn’t as real as everyone elses who has the pictures and posts to show it. I have two pictures of when I was sick. That’s it. I guess I’m glad I don’t have more, but part of an ED is needing to feel validated, and I don’t feel it.