i feel that would be appropriate

themintywitch  asked:

I saw your post about not responding to subtext. Can I ask how you do that? Like if you feel someone is being passive aggressive, do you just ignore that tone? Do you pretend you “didn’t get it” and make them explain? Or do you just change the subject? I would like to make that change in my life. So far, I’m starting to end cyclical convos (where the other person mopes about and demands you make them feel better but they’re acting like a child so you call them on that). Thank you!

What a great and complicated question. How I handle it depends on the person and the situation. 

For the most part I literally just ignore it. I take what they say at face value and respond appropriately. Usually I’ll answer simply and move on to other topics. 

If I am dealing with someone I’m very close with, I’ll ask them to explain or press them to talk to me or tell them what I felt/thought about what they said and ask if I’m off base in my interpretation. That’s something I ONLY do with my most trusted people. Because here’s the special trick to it: If they say they weren’t being passive aggressive/weren’t implying anything you HAVE to believe them. You have to take them at their word that you were just misreading it. There aren’t many folks I trust enough to do that with. The people that I DO trust with that are pillars of healing and recovery for me. They are true north stars, people I know will tell me the truth when I request it, people I know will tell me when I’m being unreasonable or overly sensitive to things, and also people who will be honest in their intentions, because sometimes they ARE being a little passive aggressive and these are people I know will own it. 

Additoinally, they’re people I know will put in the time and energy to work through things with me. Especially if I’m upset/hurt about whatever transpired. That’s a LOT of effort to deal with, and there are only a few select close friends I would engage with in that way. 

For the most part though, I just respond to everyone at face value. Assume that what they are saying is what they mean. Because if it’s not that’s on them, not on you to deal with and resolve. 

Hope that helps! Stay strong. Stay soft. 

3

The Statement Reads as Follows:

“I accepted the role unaware that the character in the original comics was of mixed Asian heritage,” Skrein explained in his statement. “There has been intense conversation and understandable upset since that announcement, and I must do what I feel is right.”

“It is clear that representing this character in a culturally accurate way holds significance for people, and that to neglect this responsibility would continue a worrying tendency to obscure ethnic minority stories and voice in the Arts. I feel it is important to honour and respect that. There I have decided to step down so the role can be cast appropriately.”

“Representation of ethnic diversity is important, especially to me as I have a mixed heritage family. It is our responsibility to make moral decisions in difficult times and to give voice to inclusivity. It is my hope that one day these discussions will become less necessary and that we can help make equal representation in the Arts a reality.”

"I am sad to leave Hellboy but if this decision brings us closer to that day, it is worth it. I hope it makes a difference.”

“With love and hope,”

“Ed Skrein”

This not only shows that actors have a say in what roles they take, but also that what they do in such situations showcases their true integrity.

hollywoodreporter.com
Ed Skrein Exits 'Hellboy' Reboot After Whitewashing Outcry
"Representation of ethnic diversity is important, especially to me as I have a mixed heritage family," the actor wrote in a statement one week after he joined the film.

“I accepted the role unaware that the character in the original comics was of mixed Asian heritage.

It is clear that representing this character in a culturally accurate way holds significance for people, and that to neglect this responsibility would continue a worrying tendency to obscure ethnic minority stories and voice in the Arts. I feel it is important to honour and respect that. There I have decided to step down so the role can be cast appropriately.”

(cont.)

Ed Skrein is not an A-list actor.  Yes, he has more money than most of us, but he’s not sitting on piles of Scarlett Johansson cash or Tilda Swinton money.  I’ll admit that I do tend to be less upset when a lesser-known white actor takes a role that wasn’t originally written for a POC because I’m an artist and I know a lot of artists and I see that life where you don’t really know when you’ll get your next callback or your next check.  I’m still angry, but way less mad than when someone with tens of millions of dollars steps into a role that has been whitewashed for “box office” reasons.

By that same notion, I’m a lot more impressed when a lesser known actor does what’s right.  When you’re not a household name, stepping into a widely known slice of pop culture is a big boost to your career, so good for Skrein sending this boost on toward an Asian actor it rightfully belongs to.

This is how you do it, White Hollywood.  When you know better, you’re supposed to do better.

if youre in your goddamn late 20s dont get in arguments with kids like a fucking decade younger than you. of course, being a young teen doesnt excuse harmful behavior, but you shouldnt be arguing with a child the same way youd argue with someone your age. in some situations you shouldnt even engage at all. 

you should look at the situation and go “hey, is it appropriate for me to be responding this way? would i ever engage a child this age like this irl?” and decide how to proceed from there. also theres a difference between confronting a child whos harassing people and throwing around slurs, vs confronting a child whos clearly well intentioned and may have some facts wrong. 

this isnt pulling the “minor card” this is just basic fucking human decency lmao like does it make you feel tough? do you feel really tough and smart fighting middle schoolers on the internet? do you feel good about yourself?

🐕“Fantastic Beasts” Animal Attraction Spell 🐕

inspired by “fantastic beasts and where to find them”, a spell to attract animals such as cats and deer to you.

🐕 gather: a box, waxing gibbous moon water, and food appropriate to the animals you wish to attract

🐕 wash and bless the box with the moon water. 

🐕 place food out in the box

🐕 sprinkle with the moon water each time you leave it out

🐕 replace the food every so often, closer and closer to your home

🐕 ! please be aware of wild animals that are not friendly, and do not take chances with them ! take appropriate precautions !

The night starts with a big, spicy Philly cheese steak. It’s about 6pm. I’ve been wanting to try the cheese steak from this corny, 50’s retro place for a long time. I gobble down the big greasy bowl of meat, hot sauce, and cheese, then head to the coffee shop for my weekly draw group. A little after I get home, about 10pm, a stomach ache comes on. “Damn, guess spicy foods are out.” I’ve been getting stomach aches every time I have spicy Thai or hot wings. I google search about spice pain- possible stomach ulcer? “I guess I have been stressed lately, but no more than usual I don’t think…” File under “Will investigate further later.“ According to the comments on this health website, a glass of milk will help. Gulp one down, go to bed.

Wrestle to sleep for about an hour. Realize the ache is just over the required pain threshold to keep you from sleeping. Do some work on my comic, more tired, but stomach worse. Will play batman until I fall asleep. I feel like I’m just running in circles… How many times have I failed this mission? Batman, batman, stomach now hurts too bad to enjoy an active task like video games. Deliriously tired. Would be great to sleep through the rest of this abdominal temper tantrum. Try the old “hot shower will make you sleep” trick. Take some Pepto-Bismol, and some generic acetaminophen. Out of the shower, hurts to walk around now, and to lie down. Guess I’ll have to wait it out with my eyes open. Call and leave my Doc a message, maybe will get a spot in there tomorrow. Need to get that ulcer discovered… Time to enjoy a passive task like watching TV. Breaking Bad feels like the right mixture of funny and painful, just like me and my burning spice belly. Damn, I can’t even enjoy that part where during Hank’s interrogation of that meth head, Wendy, she accuses Hank of trying to buy sexual services from her on behalf of an underage “football player” (a misunderstanding involving Walter Jr. from a few episodes before). Oh hell. Time to look up what time emergency medical clinics open. Guess I’ll have to pay out of pocket since I can’t wait for my Doc tomorrow.  It’s about 4am now. Earliest clinic opens at 8. Now hungry again, but can’t eat what with all the pain. One hour down. Man, this is really starting to hurt. Can I really wait 3 more hours? Sitting is starting to hurt as much as lying and standing. And I’m still not enjoying TV. Okay, I’ve come to a decision…. 

“Hey, Kayla, my stomach still hurts, I’m thinking about driving to the ER, do you wanna come?” “Oh! Ya, sure. What time is it?” “It’s 5:30”. I  call the hospital “Hey, I’ve had a pretty bad stomach ache all night, I’m thinking of coming by.” Operator: *long pause* “Haha, well, okay! We’re open all night, so just come on in.” 

Driving with a stomach ache is not so bad, because you’re already hunched over. Wish Kayla could drive, but she doesn’t really know how, probably would have a panic attack and would definitely crash. Interesting that they have ER parking, I wonder how many ER patients drive themselves here… All bodily positions hurt my insides now, signing in to this place sucks. Give Kayla half the paperwork to fill out, glad she’s here, or this would be really boring. Man, they sure take a long time for someone trying to get into an empty emergency room… Signing in with a nurse, she ask me my height and I say “ ‘5’’8”, but I notice she puts down “ ‘5’’7”… They want to look at my pee, they always want to see my pee. I pee, no blood, so whatever that tells them means I’m getting an ultrasound first. Then a young nurse named Ken, a cool Asian dude with screws through both ears, squirts so much morphine into my IV that I lean back and audibly say “oh my god.” I feel it ripple like a shock wave from my arm down to the ends of my body. My belly is feeling alright now. 

The ultrasound technician tells me that babies are the least common thing she uses ultrasounds for. My joke has fallen flat. Back in the room, the doctor and his manila folder tell me “Good news! No gallstones, there are kidney stones inside your kidneys, but since they are inside, you shouldn’t be feeling the pain from those.” “Wait, does that mean I have to pee those stones out at some poin–” It is not discussed again. Seeing that neither organ has the appropriate stones, Doc would “rather not expose me to more radiation than necessary” and is working on discharging me. But, “I won’t leave here without a diagnosis.” 

In I go to the CT scan tube. That hot squish of contrast dye spreading through my veins. “Okay, we’re moving you into a room upstairs.” Says a hippy technician. Upstairs in my sweet and swanky single with couch, a person I’m pretty sure is just a businessman disguised in medical scrubs types on a computer. He takes down my answers to what seem like pre-surgery questions. “Do you have anybody specific on file in the event you are medically unable to yield consent  for yourself?” This, combined fact that they won’t feed me, makes me wonder what it is I’m going into surgery for. I saw this same thing about a year and a half ago with the whole brain debacle, but that’s a story for another time. Several medical people dip in, sprinkle breadcrumbs of information; it’s like a game show challenge that combines a scavenger hunt with a jigsaw puzzle. You have to gather the pieces of information from their hiding places, then assemble them in the correct order to reveal an answer. A tech comes in and spoils the game, “You seem to have a lot of questions, so I just want to make sure, you know you have appendicitis right? We’re about to take it out.” “Thank god,” I think. “It’s not the spicy foods. Spicy foods are still in.” Downstairs, in pre-op, I complain to my plain-clothes surgeon about how analog tests like pressing on my stomach are remarkably inaccurate, since a doctor’s subjective interpretation of my poor description of say, “the pain is slightly higher” can rule out appendicitis, the same appendicitis that a machine might spot an hour later. I tell him that I almost got sent home. My surgeon tells me he’s been doing analogue tests for 30 years, and not to worry about it. I start to tell him how “my deadpan reaction to pain also causes a lot of people to misdiagnose me, that a lot of people laugh when I describe how I’m in pai–”, but he walks away in the middle to get dressed for surgery. The operating room has big TVs and lights, it looks like a set, and I consider the possibility of fake hospitals as the anesthesia takes the wheel.

In the recovery area, the nurse tells me how big, inflamed appendixes can be agitated by spicy foods, foods high in fat, and dense foods like heavy cheese. I see an image of a spotlit cheese steak appear in a black void. Nurse feeds me ice chips and tells me she craves ice chips when she’s dehydrated. I suggest that she only craves ice chips because she works in a hospital, that ice chips are too unsatisfying a thing to crave at random, and that most people would just crave water. She agrees. Back upstairs in my room, it is now 8pm, and it has been 26 hours since I’ve eaten. I’ve been hydrated only through IV’s. The driest mouth and the clearest pee. Because the lingering anesthetic can cause nausea and vomiting, they will only give me jello. I go nuts on the jello. They continue to give me every jello I ask for, one at a time, like a test. Way past where I though the cutoff point would be, the nurse tells me “That’s it! There’s no more jello! You ate all the jello on this floor.” You’re damn right I did, you’re damn right….

Dialogue Prompts
  1. “Surprise, I have feelings and you just hurt them.”
  2. “In the least creepy way possible, I know where you live.”
  3. “A onesie is not an appropriate gift for my mothers birthday!”
  4. “Why would you even suggest that?”
  5. “Emotions are a luxury I don’t have time for.”
  6. “Can I borrow your pencil, and your homework.”
  7. “I just want to start over.”
  8. “I’m sorry, can we just pretend I never said that.”
  9. “You hurt her, I stab you, okay?”
  10. “I would kill for a slice of cake right now…literally”
  11. “Well this got incredibly awkward incredibly quickly.”
  12. “Woah, hold the fuck up, you did what now?”
  13. “I love you, I always have.”
  14. “Take a deep breath and please calm the fuck down.”
  15. “I miss you, but then i remember what an asshole you are and the feeling fades.”
  16. “Tell me everything.”
  17. “What happened to you?”
  18. “Hey honey…did you seriously adopt another kitten?”
  19. “How many times do I have to tell you, we are not getting a bouncy castle for my dad’s 60th.”
  20. “I know it’s hard, but get over it.”
  21. “I am not dramatic, it was a very big spider.”
  22. “How to kill the mood 101.”
  23. “You left me with no one, sorry doesn’t change that.
  24. “This is a joke right?”
  25. “Clearly I did not drink enough for this.”
  26. “I’m not quite sure how it happened, but it did.”
  27. “You only want to go because there’s free food.”
  28. “This song is so us.”
  29. “It’s too early for this, just go back to sleep.”
  30. “If I tell you I love you will you make me pancakes?”
  31. “If you sing that song one more time I will kill you.”
  32. “Honestly, I don’t want to know.”
  33. “Hold up, she said what?”
  34. “You are so sweet, and I am so sorry.”
  35. “You don’t deserve this.”
  36. “Poke me once more and see what happens.”
  37. “Ghosts aren’t real for God’s sake.”
  38. “I need to punch something, preferably their face.”
  39. “You are so extra.”
  40. “Why did you think that was okay?”
  41. “When did you become my mother?”
  42. “New drinking game, drink overtime you’re a dickhead. Oh wait I already have alcohol poisoning.”
  43. “I trusted you.”
  44. “Don’t talk to me, I need my coffee first.”
  45. “Remember that time I thought you were stalking me?”
  46. “I hate that I still love you.”
  47. “Of course it’s not your fault, it never is.”
  48. “I am this close to calling my ex.”
  49. “Maybe this really was a bad idea.”
  50. “Jesus Christ I forgot how much I hate exercise.”
  51. “Baby, please tell me you can explain why there is a hole through the window.”
  52. “Wow I can’t believe he said you were ugly, hun he is clearly blind.”
  53. “Sorry I’m late.”
  54. “I don’t know why I bother.”
  55. “I’d rather do a lot of things than eat my vegetables but you gotta do it.”
  56. “That was so romantic.”
  57. “Out of all the things you could have said, and you went with that.”
  58. “I can’t wait to see you.”
  59. “I don’t want you, I need you.”
  60. “Stop laughing this isn’t funny!”

Whiteboard. Destiel, canon!verse, 1.3k. 
When you fail to say the words, there’s always the option to write it down.

For a while now, there has been a whiteboard in Dean’s room.

Cas often sees Dean use it; to organize clues for cases that he and Sam can’t quite solve, and to write down reminders, or to simply rearrange his thoughts. And, on rare occasions, to draw silly doodles to help him get his mind off of whatever supernatural disaster is next on the agenda.

Currently, aforementioned board is empty though, and Cas stares a hole in it, sitting on Dean’s bed, arms wrapped around his knees, his chin resting on his hands. Dean is there too, right beside him, lying on the other side of the bed, his back to Castiel, his shoulders tense. There might as well be some sort of invisible wall between them, and Cas absolutely hates it. Hates it whenever they fight like this, and what makes it even worse is that Dean refuses to talk. Whenever they have an argument he’ll snap at Castiel, once maybe twice, but after that, it’s usually the silent treatment.

And it makes Castiel feel powerless every time, because how can you fix something when you don’t even get a chance to plead your case?

Dean isn’t sleeping, Cas can tell from his breathing, harsh and uneven. Which must mean that Dean doesn’t like this either, and just like that, inspiration strikes.

“Dean?” Cas mutters quietly, but not unkindly.

A grunt from the other side of the bed.

“I know you’re angry, I know you’d rather not talk, but I thought that maybe…” Castiel pauses, trying to figure out which words to choose. “I thought that maybe we could write it down.”

There’s a huff from Dean, and Cas doesn’t know what to make of that, but he refuses to give up now. Slowly, he gets up from the bed, shuffling towards the whiteboard. He picks up one of the markers, a blue one, and starts writing.

He hears Dean move on the bed, probably getting up as well, and that’s what Cas had been counting on; Dean’s curiosity getting the best of him.

When Cas is done he puts down the marker, his eyes scanning the message one last time.

‘I apologize for what I did yesterday, I’m sorry I went after those rogue angels by myself without telling you. I didn’t want you to get dragged into my problems, and I feared it wasn’t safe for you to come with me. Which you would have, had I told you before I left.’

He hears a muffled sigh behind him, and he’s surprised to see Dean already standing right there. Dean rolls his eyes as he reads the message, but his face relaxes, and the green of his eyes is softer now. After a long moment, he theatrically picks up a marker as well, the green one, giving Castiel that face that says 'do we really have to do this?’

But Dean does it anyway, and writes a reply, the Dean Winchester way that Cas knows so well.

'I want you to drag me into your problems, you idiot, it’s not like I don’t drag you into mine. PS: you forgot to apologize for the part where you almost got killed. PPS: fine, apology accepted. Don’t ever do that again.’

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my fellow sensates:

i just want to remind you to be calm and courteous when you speak with netflix personnel, be it by chat or by phone. it’s another person on the other line and it will only benefit our cause if we prove our maturity, determination, and intelligence. that said, when i called and made my displeasure known, i was thanked for having coherent points. this is important, as it makes it easier for the rep to discern a clear and digestible argument for the show’s potential continuation that they can pass on to the higher ups.

this is some of the stuff i brought up:

  1. netflix didn’t seem to care to advertise sense8. it didn’t even appear on a banner featuring netflix originals which was on their own website just a few days after season 2 was released
  2. if they’re going to judge it by the amount of views, then the timing of the release was poor. it’s finals and graduation season - people are busy. and judging it by that standard, in that timeframe is brutally unfair because it goes against netflix’s entire premise of watching when you please.
  3. making a decision when the second season hasn’t even been out for a full month makes even less sense when you consider that we waited for THREE MONTHS to hear about the season two renewal.
  4. the fanbase is incredibly loyal. we waited patiently for two years for a second season, so despite the production cost, people were paying for their service for that period with the primary justification being new sense8 content to come.
  5. the creators had planned the story out through at least five seasons. there was story left to be told, with an idea of where it would be headed. compare this to something like 13rw which was renewed, even though it’s already run through its source material. 
  6. fanbase age difference - sense8’s audience is probably a bit older than say 13rw’s. we have more spending power (as evidenced by holding subscriptions for two years as we waited for new content)
  7. finally, their reputation is on the line here. sense8’s diverse and progressive nature can only be a boon for netflix. this show is culturally and socially relevant. it made fans think highly of the company. thus the timing of the cancellation (first day of pride month) feels like a pointed slap in the face.

remember that netflix is still a company whose primary interest is money. i didn’t drive the point home too well, but you can and probably should add in an 8th point (how appropriate..) which focuses on money. maybe a personal statement about your own subscription would be good?

keep up the good fight, my friends. we’ll give them a war.

Dear Lauren,

I write and read Camren fics not to satiate my wet dreams (I have other sources for that), instead, I write about a “connection” that goes beyond the physical which I think is inspiring.

I do get why you think Camren fics and shippers are obsessed with their wet dream version of you or Camren, there are hundreds of smut and delusions floating around. And it must suck to read that about yourself. I’m not dismissing your struggles dealing with this shit daily. And it’s your right to be angry and feel objectified and lash out. Us fans do overstep our boundaries constantly, whether we mean to or not. It must be hard balancing your private and public life. You’re human and you have needs and limitations, I get it.

But please don’t put everything in one blanket term, and dismiss the representation your key demographics are clamoring for. This community needs this, and while I get why you get so angry (because you feel invaded and sexualized), please also try to understand that some people have witnessed something pure and special and they latched on to it because they felt represented and inspired, not because they wanna sexualize you. It’s just an unfortunate factor that sex usually comes with the package, but if you look at the bigger picture, instead of fighting it and attacking it, you can help kids who’ve been searching for something that would appropriately represent them find themselves through you.

And I know it is not your personal responsibility to be the “representation” most of these kids wanted and connected with the most, but as you have said before, you must have been put where you are for a reason.

I know Camren has been the bane of your existence, and I know that some fans have boxed you into something you are not (you’re bisexual who’s free to love anyone you like, despite what some crazy ass shippers would like to imagine) and that’s why I get why you get so mad. But for every bad things we encounter, we can turn shit around and make it into something beautiful? Maybe it’s time to let go of the grudge connected to Camren, and use it as a tool to be the voice of underrepresented girls?

It’s just a suggestion, though.

After all, it’s you who decides. Not me. Period.

💁🏻

Burden of Proof

Word Count: 2357

Request: “ Thought; spontaneously dragging Steve of Bucky into random makeout sessions throughout the day and then just leaving him out of breath as you continue in with your business” And a very pleasant thought it is. 

Warning: Language, making out, and utter ridiculousness

A/N: I had more free time than I anticipated, so you’re getting this early. You have the snow storm to thank for this nonsense.

Steve Version

Originally posted by itsjustmycrazyvibe

“Ow ow ow ow ow!” you groaned through clenched teeth as Natasha dragged you through the halls and over the bodies of the incapacitated Hydra agents.

“Hush! There could still be some stragglers hanging around,” she hissed at you, readjusting her hold in order to pull you along more quickly.

“Well if you hadn’t been there to pull me out of the way, that delightful bullet would have definitely silenced me for good. You have only yourself to blame.”

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tdill123  asked:

We whites can't like or own anything due to appropriation and scary part is most of the 🌏 is of non whites. I have no joy in life anymore .Theories say this whole perceived physical world is not natural to whites and we are only meant to live in Christ. We have nothing. And there's evidence and theories that say we whites aren't natural to this so called earth and just think what would happen if this was found out. We wouldn't be able to freely love things if this perceived world

I’m sorry you feel this way, but I think you don’t have a clear idea of what appropriation is. If someone else willingly shares their culture with you and invites you to participate, I don’t see why you cannot learn from them. 

Appropriation is when you embrace someone else’s culture, even though your own ethnic group and society used to mock them, shame them, harass them for the same thing. A great example would be box braids; yt ppl used to shit on black ppl with braids but now many yts have gone to wear them as a new trend. That IS appropriation. Having curly hair, or wearing a normal braid… this is NOT appropriation.

“I have no joy in life anymore”. So you used to gain joy by appropriating other cultures? You come from a privileged group of people and you might not have been taught by the people surrounding you to think any differently. But imagine this; being oppressed and discriminated against for your entire life, only to have yt people start to do the same thing… instead of getting hate, these yt people are PRAISED for being ‘unique’, ‘creative’, whatever else. 

“Theories say this whole perceived physical world is not natural to whites”; this is a theory made up by a white person. If you cannot see different skin colours physically due to a disability, that’s a whole different thing. But you cannot tell me that there is no difference between your skin colour and mine. “Let’s stop seeing skin as a colour” is just a performative way for yt people to try to silence the voice of POCs and “move on as quickly as possible”. “And there’s evidence and theories that say we whites aren’t natural to this so called earth and just think what would happen if this was found out…” Can I just say that this is also something a defensive yt person would say? It’s pretty ableist to try to define what is natural, but yt people exist. You are the product of evolution, just like the rest of us. Don’t play victim and try to cover up the blatant racism in your post. 

Racism and appropriation is not something of the past. I think many recent events support this statement, Charlottesville being a huge one that comes to mind. The best thing one can do is to keep an open mind and learn, to be an ally without being performative, and to admit that yes, you are privileged as a white person.

Courage

Requested ages ago by @grace-for-sale​. Hope you like it!

Summary: AU in which Dean and Cas are both high school teachers. Dean has a crush, but no courage to do anything about it.

Word Count: 1600ish

Warnings: None. I wrote something without smut. What??


“You’re late, Mr. Winchester.”

“The bell was literally ringing as you said that, Lydia,” Dean smiles. “I think we can all let it slide.”

Lydia smiles back and starts sharpening her pencil in the sharpener by the door, where she’s clearly been waiting for him. “I can let it slide,” she agrees, “since you were just out there talking to Mr. Novak.”

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just your heart beating close to mine

for nurseydex week, day 2 - bed sharing

Nursey’s a clingy drunk.

Freshman year, Dex hated it. He and Nursey spend all their sober time bickering; fighting nonstop about everything from politics to slapshot form to whether ketchup belongs on scrambled eggs (Dex will never fucking admit it, but he’s actually started to find it delicious; Nursey can never know). But the second Nursey slips over the line from tipsy to drunk, he’s Dex’s best friend–hanging off Dex’s shoulders, draping his feet into Dex’s lap, hell, draping himself into Dex’s lap, two hundred pounds and then some of languid muscle. He’s sweet when he’s drunk, his chirps soft and fond instead of scathing, and his fingertips are gentle when they wander over Dex’s skin, dipping under the collar of his t-shirt, brushing against the short hair at the nape of his neck.

And Dex hated it, because morning would come, and hungover Nursey is clingy too but not in the same way, and they were always back to sharpness, and Dex would have to pretend he didn’t get home from those kegsters and throw himself into very, very cold showers.

Sophomore year, it’s a little better. They’re friends more often than they’re not, but on the flip side, that means the rest of the team actually trusts Dex to be on Nursey Patrol (“If you don’t want to kill him all the time, we can probably trust you to make sure he doesn’t drink himself into a coma,” Bitty said cheerfully the first time, shoved Nursey, already tipsy, towards him, and disappeared onto the dance floor with a solo cup in his hand).

Except Nursey Patrol, he learns, doesn’t end with the kegster. No, Nursey Patrol ends with Nursey safe in his bed, at least out of his shoes but ideally in something comfortable enough to sleep in, after a cup or two of water and two tabs of Aspirin, his phone plugged in and the door to his room locked.

(Dex does not want to know the series of events that led to this level of Patrol being in place. If he thinks about it too hard, his chest starts to hurt, and he doesn’t wanna deal with that.)

But–

“Dexy,” Nursey says, as Dex manhandles him down to his bed and then flops down next to him, hauling Nursey’s foot into his lap to start on his shoelaces, because Three Cups of Tub Juice Derek Nurse is not a Derek Nurse who has the coordination for tasks involving dexterity. Dex had said that, once, and Nursey had said “ha, Dexterity,” and giggled for ten minutes. “Dex, will you stay with me?”

(read the rest on AO3, or read more below)

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The Witchy Lifestyle: Shrines, Altars, and Holy Places

Last week, I posted up an article on Domestic Garden Witch about building shrines near trees in a garden in order to provide a space for magic or worship or meditation. The amount of popularity that this article had gained showed me that, at least to some extent, there is a love or desire for building shrines and altars in many places where shrines aren’t necessarily as common as one would like. Indeed, as I walk through the beautiful city of San Luis Obispo, I see a lot of religious diversity - a gorgeous mosque, the imposingly beautiful Presbyterian church in downtown, the historic Catholic mission at the heart of the city, and a pagan boutique on the very same road where we hold our Farmers’ Market.

Each church has its altar. And I’ve been in pagan stores that have community altars. When it comes to shrines, however, I hardly ever see any around here in public spaces. It’s not to say that I don’t see shrines on occasion. There is a lovely salon near where I live which has a gorgeous shrine right in the front of their store for welcoming business and honoring the gods. But I found myself wondering, “could part of this be due to a bit of confusion over what is a shrine and what isn’t?”

The only concrete answer to that question is “maybe.” But in thinking a bit harder, I realized that it would still be good to discuss shrines in a little more detail. As a community, we as witches and pagans talk a lot about altars and magical spaces (or holy spaces, depending on what vernacular you prefer). As such, it’s not uncommon to see a witch or pagan with at least one space in the home which has candles and some sort of religious iconography, either in a simple and clean setup or in as complex a setup as my coven’s Lughnasadh altar.

So much happiness and peace!

But to get back to the point… What is the difference between an altar and a shrine? And what role would each have to play in a tradition?

Magic and Worship In Communal Space

Altars, as I’ve mentioned, are something we see a lot of in the witchy and pagan communities. From aesthetic posts to tutorials, as well as instructions in some spells for how to properly set up an altar. I have yet to see a “starter’s guide” to witchcraft or paganism that does not have a chapter devoted to building and consecrating an altar.

In short, an altar serves a couple of purposes: providing a place for meditation and worship for a pantheon, and anchoring/grounding magical workings done on and near it. In this way, an altar is essentially the Swiss Army Knife of witchcraft. It is in itself a tool, but also houses multiple other tools, such as wands, athames, candles, stones… you get the picture. By itself, an altar need not be religious, and instead serves a much more practical use in magic as storage and anchoring space.

As an anchor, altars are places where we place ourselves into a magical mindset. A circle may be cast around an altar, with the altar being the focus for where spellwork is being done. Like a magnifying glass focusing sunlight, the altar can help concentrate energy to enhance our magical workings. And, in guided meditations, the altar can also serve as a beacon - helping us find our way back to ourselves if we begin to feel that we’re straying too far in the astral.

As a religious space, the altar becomes dual-purpose. In this situation, it is not only used for magical workings, but also for worship - usually to multiple deities in polytheistic traditions. As such, my home altar can be seen with statues for archetypal god and goddess, as well as dragon imagery and more specific symbols for my deities (such as a raven’s feather for the Morrigan, a rose for Cerridwen, a Brigid’s cross for Brigid, and occasionally an arrowhead for Cernunnos). My coven’s altar setup varies depending on who is with us - at times, it is strictly generic, while more often we incorporate the deities and traditions of all present (thus resulting in symbolism for Celtic, Norse, Greek, and Egyptian gods, as well as offerings and symbolism for Hecate specifically… we even sometimes have Christian imagery if we’ve got a Christian witch with us).

It’s this variety and ability to be so generic, coupled with its practicality which makes altars so appealing to so many people. It’s why we’re more likely to see communal altars in a public space than a shrine, and it’s why much of our worship tends to happen around them. But this isn’t to say that shrine’s can’t have a particular role in a tradition.

A Familiar Space, with a Special Face

When I was younger, I had the opportunity to tour some of the historic California missions. Most California schools have us do this in grade school, but as I was older, I was doing this for personal research. And in some of the buildings, I came across areas that were set aside for a specific saint - not part of the main altar in the chapel. This intrigued me, given my Lutheran background. My protestant upbringing acknowledged the saints, but that was about the extent of it. Later on, when I was learning more about Dia de los Muertos, I was further intrigued by the same practice being extended not just to saints, but to family members who have passed away.

The traditions revolving around these two practices are different - shrines to saints have a much different purpose than those built for ancestors. This is something that I understand. But break the practice down to its absolute basic level and you have the same practice being done - a space is being designated for honoring and/or worshiping a specific individual. This practice isn’t limited to saints or ancestors, either. 

A shrine to Buddha in Oakland, CA.

There are many religions that are polytheistic, in which there are further denominations, cults, or sects devoted to a more specific deity (e.g. the cult of Demeter in ancient Greece, or the sect of Bast in Lower Egypt). Even monotheistic and non-theistic religions have been known to construct shrines in areas as a means of honoring or worshipping spirits, or as a way of creating a space in which meditation can be done closer to home.

What sets a shrine apart from an altar is its purpose. While a shrine may occasionally be rather large and grand - it is often described as being almost like a home in some practices (in Shinto, a shrine is quite literally the home of a kami or other spirit) - a shrine may also be very simple, like flowers on the roadside where an accident had occurred.

Indeed, some shrines are built without religion or spirituality in mind. A couple of great examples of public shrines are the 9/11 memorials and the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. They are non-denominational shrines dedicated to the memories who have lost their lives in combat or in acts of terror. 

Where is the Line or Distinction?

If my description of shrines and altars sounded very similar to one another, this is because both are closely related. Both altars and shrines: are used for meditation or worship or honoring, are spiritual places, and can be very complex or very simple. Some shrines double as temples, and some altars double as churches.

Ultimately, we can use the terms interchangeably in many situations. But what I’ve discovered is that altars are generally practical and used for magic in addition to worship and may or may not be permanent. Meanwhile, I’ve found that shrines are usually permanent, used exclusively for meditation or worship, and usually to only one or two people or deities.

How Can I Use Them?

First, one of the most important things to consider is how you plan to use a space. Is it for ritual or is it for worship? Is it for honoring ancestors or for worshiping gods?

For me, I consider something an altar if I plan on tearing it down regularly for various reasons (my altar which I frequently picture is an altar because I sometimes tear it down for coven work) and if I plan to use it for magical workings. A shrine, on the other hand, is more permanent and may be used for worship more often than magic in my particular brand of paganism. 

If you plan on constructing a shrine, who is it devoted to? I particular god or spirit? An ancestor? Then use materials on it that are appropriate for that individual and tradition. For instance, if I were to construct a shrine to Cernunnos, I may construct it of wood and place plants on and around it. Then, I may incorporate ethically sourced antlers or bones, as well as a candle or two, and possibly an offering bowl. It may also have an image or statue of Cernunnos, depending upon whether it feels right to do so or not.

If I were erecting a shrine for an ancestor, i would consider that ancestor’s beliefs. For instance, if I were to build a shrine for my grandfather, I would have Christian imagery on or around it, as my grandfather was Lutheran. This is out of respect for him and who he is.

In these two instances, I would have shrines for two different purposes - a shrine of worship to Cernunnos, and a shrine honoring the memory of my grandfather.

In Conclusion…

Regardless of the subject of devotion, shrines can add a particular bit of spirituality to any tradition. Throughout history, we have seen both altars and shrines erected just about anywhere humans have lived. We have a natural tendency to assemble images or symbols in one spot in order to more easily pray or honor someone or some spirit.

Perhaps a shrine is right for your practice? Or maybe an altar is best for your work. Work with what helps you most in  your life!

Blessed Be! )O(

The Sugar Daddies That Are Worth Keeping and Why.

Recently I have been SO stressed out because I almost have too many POT’s and SD’s that I know what to do with. I had to start making some cuts and weigh out the pros and cons. 

Be with an SD you’re EXCITED to see. 

That may seem impossible depending on the appearance of your SD but I’m kind of a shallow snob and only pick guys I’m decently attracted to. But Mr. Limelight (pictured above…OMG he’s stunning.) is someone that I get SO excited to see even though he is the CHEAPEST out of all of them. $200 per meet. You know why? Not only is he stunning, but he’s so much fun to be around, he compliments me so genuinely, thinks I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen…. I feel wanted and secured by this man. (I wish i was 10 years older so he’d find me appropriate to date exclusively lol) 

Mr. Christian Loubitoun, who I haven’t made a post about yet, is a much older man who looks that way, texts me with the sweetest texts. He’ll send me pictures on his trips of things he bought, because he thought about me. We have wonderful, intellectual conversation and I know would never put me in danger. 

DON’T make yourself suffer to be with someone because of the money. 

I’ve been offered a shit ton of money, a place of my own (as long as he could stay when he visits) and so on. But I couldn’t stand him. I couldn’t stand his appearance, his overly sexual desire to just abuse me (theoretically)  because he had money. If I dreaded seeing him, why would I put myself to suffer more when spending an hour with him would make me want to throw up. There’s only so much bullshit Sugar Baby acting you can do before it shows on your face.  It’s not worth it, I promise. Remember, self worth doesn’t mean the money you obtain.

If he treats you like he’s paying you, leave. Don’t get disrespected. 

YOU are a beautiful woman. Regardless of our title as a sugar baby, I still expected to be treated like such. All my SD’s love me because I treat them like a vanilla boyfriend. We’re basically a paid girlfriend without the drama. But you’re not going to text me at 2am at night horny as hell expecting me to get you off. (only) For example, I had a SUPER hot ex baseball player over me but ALL HE WANTED TO DO WAS FUCK. He never took me out, he never texted me other than “I want you to come over.” NOPE. I don’t care how hot you are, I am not an escort or a call girl. (Although I love you ladies that are maybe I’ll hook you guys up hahaha)  There was a post, if I can find it I’ll link it but she talked about how her POT made her hold out her hand and dangle the money in front of her. Her response was priceless, she ultimately let this man that she had self respect and he was a dick. 

Just because he pays you, doesn’t mean he controls you. EVER. 

I let my POTs know and SD’s know my expectations. When I’m with you, we’re together. If not, baby, you go do your own thing. I’m not controlling (nor should ANY Sugar Baby be…post coming soon about that) and I expect him to be the same. It’s okay to tell him you’re independent but that doesn’t mean you’ll deprive him of all of his needs. 

Get an SD or POT who understands how this works. 

The GOOD Sugar daddies will compensate you for your time, even if it’s a first meet up. They understand how it works, they know getting intimate out in public, (unless you initiate it) is not okay. They know you have bills that need to be paid properly and respect you time and goals as long as it’s reciprocated. 


- I hope this helps. I love you all xoxoxo

 (sbmisstaylor)