I think it really needs to be said in a more formal way why mental illness Tumblr seriously needs to evaluate what they’re doing. Before I get into this, I wanna say that I know this is just a website and I have a choice in what communities I interact with, but when you are living in an abusive environment and you have nobody to look to but your abusers you usually go to social media. I went to Tumblr because it is the most accepting when it comes to mental illness to some extent, because people didn’t immediately judge me or hate me for my symptoms.
Note: sorry for the strange school-esque organization, i just did headings to make it easier to read for people
Anti-recovery and promoting unhealthy mindsets
For the most part, mental illness Tumblr barely promotes recovery or healthy coping mechanisms. Mi Tumblr (mental illness Tumblr) is mostly talking about symptoms in a unhealthy way and are just saying that suffering is a good thing. I completely understand that being mentally ill comes with a ton of negativity within yourself. It is healthy to talk about your problems, it’s good to be open and to reach out to others, but never promoting good vibes or good coping mechanisms in return is not helping. When someone is having any type of episode, they need help, maybe not immediately for some people because they are in too bad of a state to immediately recover from the episode (just listen to what they need), but they should get support and comfort sometime soon. It’s absolutely ideal to recover and/or get in the habit of healthy coping mechanisms. I feel that mi Tumblr isn’t helping us recover or creating a safe environment for nd folk by not normalizing healthy mindsets and healthy coping mechanisms, they are normalizing the suffering and unhealthy ways to deal with your symptoms. Most posts are just talking about our awful experiences and then ending it there. There is literally no support or comfort afterwards. I understand wanting to relate with others when talking about your mental health. It’s great to know that others are going through the same and you’re not alone, but just do not end it there, for your own health. Try to make a support system for each other with this person since they relate with you. Talk about it with people and try to help each other out. One more example I want to bring into light, is when people reblog others personal posts. Personal posts are for venting and it’s not made for others to spread, but people reblog it anyway for the aesthetic and are not taking the op’s feelings seriously.
I want to get this through with a lot of people that recovering or improving in controlling or coping with your symptoms does not make you invalid. It is okay to recover, it does not make you obsolete to the mental illness community.
Memes within the community
I want to speak about the whole meme thing going on about mental illness. I can understand that joking about stuff can help you cope, but making mi this huge meme isn’t good for a lot of people. For nd folk, making these memes within the community makes them feel like it’s okay to suffer, like it’s okay and a laughing matter to be depressed or that “lmao i wanna kill yourself everyday.” People make all of these jokes and then say nothing about help and don’t express care for those who are suffering afterwards, it’s just a joke to them. It just promotes more anti-recovery for people. My boyfriend has had actual problems within the community where he would be feeling down and terrible and say “I feel depressed,” and people would actually laugh at him, because it’s a meme within the community to say “I’m so depressed,” or like i said earlier, “I wanna kill myself everyday.” I’ve had similar experiences where I would say “I want to fucking die,” or that “I hate living,” and I am actually entirely genuine and I feel suicidal as hell and people just laugh. People laugh, because they think it’s just a funny meme that everyone parrots in the mi community. It makes me feel disheartened and I regret being open about it because people just laugh within the community because they think i’m just making a meme. All of our feelings aren’t a joke and every nd person knows that, so don’t create these mi memes that we laugh at when they’re an actual serious matter. I understand venting with making jokes, I really do, but do not post it and make it go viral, just keep it personal if you need a way to say something without all of the heavy feelings carried with it. Saying a joke about your mi to avoid talking about the heavy feelings and just mentioning it in a not serious tone is not the best way to tell someone about your problems though. It should be normalized to talk about the heavy emotions when it comes to your feelings, you shouldn’t repress it with making a meme to mask what you’re really feeling. I can understand being afraid of disclosing something that personal to people and saying a joke instead, to sort of say something but not really be serious. Even though this makes sense, try your best to sit down with someone and really talk about your issues to avoid the awkwardness that the jokes could create and also avoid repressing your feelings. These memes about mi to me are just a way of repressing what we truly feeland I don’t think it’s healthy to do that. It should be communnity-wide to feel safe when talking about the heavy stuff and not ignore your feelings, bottling it all up.
Mi Tumblr makes people feel like they should experience constant negative symptoms to fit in. (”You have to be this negative and upset to be mentally ill”) Having this pressure to be in a perpetuating negative state expressed so often in the community can make us not want to recover because they want to maintain their bad habits to fit in. If you end up recovering or noticing you’re getting better you’ll feel invalid and self conscious about this and want to get back to the unhealthy mindset that Tumblr promotes. I can absolutely vouch for this, absolutely. I have a bunch of mental problems and when I started to date my boyfriend I got a whole lot better about my mental health and I felt I was really starting recovery finally. I looked back at mi Tumblr and I started to get afraid I wasn’t valid as being mentally ill anymore and I started to get back to square 1 because of the lack of talk about recovery in the community. My boyfriend has had same experiences and I also talked to one of my friends about this and she said Tumblr has made her feel mentally worse ever since she joined.
The majority of the mi community are minors and are really young in general, and I feel having all of the above normalized in this community is awful to teach these kids at such a young age. The friend I mentioned in the “Peer pressure” paragraph at the ending when I said “I also talked to one of my friends about this and she said Tumblr has made her feel mentally worse ever since she joined,” she is 14 y.o.
Overall, just learning all of the crap from mi Tumblr is honestly really bad for the minors in the community. For those of you who cannot turn to anything but social media: try to find someone with the same problems as you and create a support system. Try to share coping mechanisms that could help or be there for each other whenever. Make support groups and try to steer away from mi Tumblr, it’s unhealthy as fuck. I could sit and talk about all of the awful coping mechanisms I have seen on this site, but that would be a whole new post. Don’t listen to that stuff, if it involves triggering you or making you upset or lying to yourself in the slightest, just don’t do it. Be safe and treat yourselves right and try to recover together and help each other out. Enough of this perpetuating negativity in the community.
The year is 3017,, i am long gone, yet the internet is still thriving and somehow beyond all expectations, so is tumblr,, my queue ran out years ago,,, the blog is empty,,, until one day,,, a message pops up,,,,,, I scheduled it long ago,,,,,,,
It is the one and only person… who likes the C: smiley
I really love your work and I feel bad for not sending this in sooner, but expect a lot more request! Here's a prompt. Keith and Lance after a close call mission. It can be angst or fluffy or both!
(Thanks for the prompt! I’m happy to write whatever you decide to send in, so feel free to send as many as you’d like. I hope you like it. XD)
Keith can feel the heat of the explosion as the doors shut behind him. Sweat coats the back of his neck, and drips into his armor. For a moment, he can’t feel anything other than relief that he’s alive, that he made it out.
“Answer me!” Lance yells, his voice breaking. Keith snaps out of it, and suddenly, he can feel everything. His bones feel heavy, as if they’re made of lead, not calcium. His heads pounds, and he feels terrible.
He laughs. “I’m fine. I made it.” It still doesn’t feel true. He repeats it, just to be sure that it’s real. “I made it.”
Lance doesn’t reply.
Keith cruises the rest of the way out of the mines, and out to the castle waiting for him outside. Below him, he can see the crowds of liberated people, cheering as he flies over them. A child reaches for his lion, a vaguely similar replica clutched in its other arm. Keith smiles and waves back. The kid’s face lights up, and Keith can’t help but think that this is why it’s worth it.
When he pulls into the hangar, the comms are still silent. He can’t tell if Lance didn’t hear him, or if he just didn’t bother to reply. Keith figures he’ll talk to him about it later; right now, the only thing he wants to do is take a nice, cold shower.
He stretches as he steps out of his lion and walks out, only to almost run into Lance. The Blue Paladin wraps his arms around him, and squeezes so tightly that Keith can’t tell if he’s trying to kill him or show affection. It takes Keith a minute to remember that he’s supposed to hug him back, but by then, Lance is pulling away.
Tears streak down his face, creating brown tracks through the dust that covers him. “I thought you were dead.” He hiccups.
Keith isn’t exactly sure what to say. He was fine, honest, but obviously that didn’t matter to Lance. He blurted the first thing that came to mind. “I’m not dead.”
Lance pulls away, as if Keith was running an electric current. “But you could’ve been! When you didn’t answer, and then everything was burning, I was so scared. I thought you were dead, Keith! Doesn’t that matter to you?” Lance’s last words were more of a whine than actual words. He crosses his arms, and doesn’t meet Keith’s eyes.
He could tell the he screwed up before he even finished his sentence. “Yeah, but I’m not dead. See?”
Lance’s face did contortions as he tried to stop angry tears from spilling over. Clearly it was a battle lost, as he pushed past Keith, and back into the castle.
Lance wished the castle had doors he could slam.
That’s what he used to do at home, when his brothers got too annoying, or the pressure of being the only kid in his family to make it into the Garrison became too much. He’d go into his room, and slam the closet door until he didn’t feel angry anymore.
But what was he supposed to do now?
He settles for going to his room; He has some pillows he can punch there, which works for now. The halls are silent as he walks back to his room. Pidge and Hunk are probably still taking off their armor. Allura is either doing the same or reviewing battle footage. He has no idea where Coran is, but he’s glad that the uncle-like Altean doesn’t intercept him. He’s not in the mood to try and be polite.
The door slides open for Lance as he barrels through. He grabs a towel off of the floor and wipes the dust from his face. He tosses it to the ground and marches towards his bed. The first punch he throws is cut short when he realizes that he’s still wearing his armor; he hadn’t stopped to take it off after Keith went offline. Suddenly the weight of the armor is stifling, and he wants it off now. Stupid Keith and his stupid recklessness. And Lance could deal with him being so reckless; it was one of the reasons why he had fallen in love with him. What he couldn’t put up with was how nonchalant he was about it.
Lance is struggling to get the switches on his back so hard, he doesn’t even notice when the door slides open and Keith stumbles inside. Not until he trips over the pile of clothes by the door, and falls onto the bed beside him, rather than sitting down like a normal person. He sits there awkwardly as Lance continues to scratch at his armor. It’s not until he tries to unbuckle Lance’s armor for him that Lance actually acknowledges him.
He turns so fast, he startles Keith, who pulls away, hands frozen where his back had been. “The next time I almost die, you can’t touch me for a week.”
Keith’s expression of surprise quickly turns to one of confusion. “What?”
“You heard me. No doting, no visiting and no watching the Cryo-pod, if I need one.”
Lance knows the signs of Keith’s anger all too well, even though he tries to hide it. His hands curl into fists. He mouth straightens into a thin line. If you make eye contact, you’re likely to burst into flames.
“That’s how I feel.”
Lance rolls his eyes. Of course he wouldn’t get it. He still didn’t get the Voltron cheer. “All of that was an analogy. Now switch it around and apply it to your situation.”
“Just tell me what you mean already!” Keith yells, throwing his hands into the air in exasperation. Lance wonders if he can roll his eyes any harder. Jeez. That’s what he gets for trying to be nuanced.
“What I mean is that I worry about you when you almost die, and it’s not fair that you don’t care that you almost die, but when I almost die, it’s a big deal.” Keith’s angry expression slowly fades away. “It’s hypocritical, okay?”
Keith’s hands still hover, shifting from his shoulders to his waist until Lance thinks that he’s suffered enough, and scoots over until Keith can wrap his arms around his waist.
“I’m sorry, it’s just-”
Lance interrupts him with a kiss, and when he pulls away Keith looks even more confused. “I thought I was supposed to apologize?”
Lance sighs and shakes his head. “You don’t have to. It’s my fault for overreacting like that.”
“But still, I should-”
From the next room over, Pidge shouts. “Both of you are sorry, now make up already!”
Lance smiles devilishly. “I’d be happy to.”
Keith falls back onto his elbows as Lance crawls into his lap. “What about your armor?”
“Kiss now. Armor later.” Lance utters between kisses trailing up Keith’s neck.
Deep down, Lance knows that this’ll happen again. Keith is just too impulsive for him to expect otherwise. But for now, Lance is content to leave it, as he and his boyfriend forget about the battles behind him and the battles ahead.
hello :) if you were to write a different coming out arc for alex, how would you do it ?
So, first, there were some things about it that I actually liked a lot – specifically, that we got to see her navigating how to break the news in multiple contexts and to multiple people who had varying reactions. That’s an experience that … gets easier with practice, but is always inherently unpredictable, especially in a situation where you could be physically, psychologically, and/or professionally harmed as a result. (And when that is the case, always protect your own safety and well-being first.)
But as to what I would do differently … I have two scenarios:
a) one in which Alex had already figured out she was gay and just doesn’t talk about it much due to a shitty life experience in grad school – because this is something that plausibly works with the canon bits of her adult past we learned about in S1, namely a) her spectacular academic downward spiral that was never given an explanation; b) the fact that Eliza would inquire about Kara’s dating life but not Alex’s; c) Alex’s general disinterest in dudes outside of being like, “Kara you goofball look at this mating ritual occurring before your eyes” – the only time she mentioned dating at all re: herself it was to be disdainful about men.
This also lines up with how Alex’s behavior came off in 2x03 & 2x04, because it was played as self-aware but just completely helpless dork, much like how we’ve always seen Kara react to people she likes. Alex fishes to find out if Maggie’s single in 2x03. She clarifies that they’re not on a date in 2x04, then later cringes upon lowkey asking out a girl who was dating someone else. Who does all of that if they have no idea they’re interested in you? NO ONE.
So basically in scenario A I would’ve bypassed what I will call the “award-bait” kind of angsty stuff from 2x05 and just jumped straight to a flailing panicked sister night with Kara because oh god FEELINGS Kara don’t laugh ugh everything is terrible and i hate you. And it can even still end with the same gushing about Maggie being pretty and smart and the advice to go get the girl. And continue having the repeated outing oneself to everyone else thereafter. Heck, a scene with J’onn about this in a professional context would’ve also been nice.
b) a scenario in which Alex still got the later-adult coming out story but it wasn’t about her realizing she was into any one specific person who then ended up being a human prop for the entire season. Like, I would’ve still introduced Maggie early on, but I would’ve fleshed out their friendship more and not tied Alex’s self-discovery arc specifically to Maggie. There just wasn’t enough incorporation of the rest of Alex’s life into the story we got. Last year we sat through so many corny text exchanges between Kara & Clark – where was Alex in a group chat with Vasquez and Lucy and whoever else being like “uhhh, guys? hELP?” She could’ve also actually interacted with more than one other gay person onscreen (who wasn’t an ex-girlfriend of Maggie’s there to force fake drama), because that’s a thing that happens in real life. Winn could’ve given her shit about googling stuff on her work phone. Hell, maybe she and James could’ve even hung out and talked about stuff, because lbr we all know that boy had a raging crush on Clark Kent. Just. Literally anything that defies the overdone narrative of “seemingly-straight woman meets the One True Gay and has a life revelation.”
Request- “Hi! I know you wont get the chance to do this for a while, but I love your writing so much I had to ask. Any chance you could do a high school Lin x reader fic where they get cast opposite each other in the school play and have to make out on stage. The reader is super nervous because she’s never been kissed and has a huge crush on him but Lin is really sweet about it. Thanks!”
You took a sip from your thermos as you opened the door to your high school. It was gloomy and about to rain outside, so the usually dim lights of the hallways seemed brighter. Chris waved at you as you walked in. You raised your eyebrows and waved back, quickly swallowing your coffee.
“Hey, do you know if they’re gonna post the cast for the musical today?” he asked quickly.
You shrugged. “No I uh…I have no idea when that’s going up.” you said, feeling more than a little awkward. You didn’t talk to Chris that often because he was a year above you. He nodded and fiddled with one of his crystal ear piercings.
“Alright cool.” He smiled and waved again. “See you around, Y/N!”
“Y-yeah.” You furrowed your brow, slightly confused as you watched him walk away. You shook your head and walked to your locker, unloading your backpack into it.
“Hey hey hey!” your friend, Mandy, sang as she leaned against the locker next to yours. “Are you excited for the cast to come out today?”
“It’s coming out today?” you asked, nerves casting a cloud over you.
“Yep! After school. Did you forget?” She smiled and started bouncing. She was a shoe in for Nina and everyone knew it.
You smacked your forehead. “I should’ve told Chris…” you mumbled.
“Nothing Chris Jackson just asked me if I knew when they were posting it and I said I didn’t know.” you shrugged and she nodded.
“Oh I hope we both get leads!” She grabbed your hand as if pleading you to make it happen
“Hey, I’ll be fine with chorus again.” You held your hands up. “Chorus was fun freshman year, remember?”
Mandy rolled her eyes. “Yes, but we’re juniors now! We would she be leads!” she said dramatically. You sighed and nodded in agreement. Your eyes floated over her shoulder to where you saw Lin leaning against a locker with the sleeves of his cardigan pushed up and his hands in his pockets, talking to Chris. Mandy followed your eyes and when she turned back around there was a devilish glint in her own.
“No no. Mandy no don’t.” you begged. She smiled and whipped around.
“Hey Chris!” she shouted. Both Lin and Chris turned their heads your direction. You quickly hid your face behind the door of your locker.
“What’s up?” Chris asked when he and Lin reached you and Mandy.
“Y/N here tells me you want to know when the cast will be up.” she taunted. You peeked your head out slightly and smiled, not even daring to look towards Lin.
“Yeah! Do you know? I really want Benny and the waiting is killing me.” he said.
“I do! What was it that I said Y/N?” You fought every part of you that wanted to glare at her as she turned to you with a smile.
“I don’t know, you’re the one who told me in the first place.” you said sassily before you could stop yourself. Great, now you looked like a bitch. Mandy smirked at you.
“You’re right.” she turned back to Chris’s somewhat confused face. “I’m pretty sure it’ll be posted in the commons after school today.” she said with a smile.
“Nice!” Lin said with a wide smile that made you melt. “Who did you guys try out for?” he asked you and Mandy. You paused waiting for her to answer first. You saw her fighting an eye roll and couldn’t help but smile. You felt eyes on you and turned your head to see Lin looking at you with a curious expression. You met his dark eyes and looked away quickly, blushing slightly.
“Y/N will deny it to anybody and everybody, but she totally wants to be Vanessa.” Mandy whispered like you weren’t there.
“Oh my god…” you groaned, putting a hand over your face. Chris and Lin both laughed.
“That’s awesome, though! I heard your audition; I bet you’ll totally get it.” Lin said. You stared at him wide eyed.
“Y-you heard my audition?” you stuttered.
“Yeah…” he looked down. “Mine was right after yours. You did really good.” he said cheerily.
“Really well.” you corrected automatically, instantly feeling terrible. “I-I mean…sorry.” you mumbled, but Lin just laughed heartily. The warning bell rang, and the hall started to become more crowded.
“I’ll see you guys later!” Lin called, making his way to his own locker. Chris went the opposite direction, and Mandy turned to you with a smile. You hit your head against the door of your locker.
“I am such an idiot…” you whispered. Mandy laughed and patted your back.
You’d almost completely forgotten about the cast list until your last class, which you shared with Chris. Seeing him jogged your memory and you began to feel nervous again. From the looks of him, Chris was just as worried. His leg was bouncing and he was staring blankly at the wall. You sighed and put your face in your hands. Mandy had been right, you did want Vanessa, but that was a crazy dream. You were beginning to think that you might not make it all and how disappointing and embarrassing that would be. These thoughts distracted you completely, and you were hardly able to pay attention to the history lesson.
The bell rang and students sprang out of their seats excitedly. You took your time putting your books and pencils away. As you stood up, you noticed Chris lingering behind as well. He smiled weakly at you.
“Wanna walk together?” he asked. You nodded, trying to swallow the lump in your throat. You and Chris made your way slowly towards the commons. You took a deep breath when you saw the crowd around the announcements board.
“We had to have at least made chorus right?” Chris said shakily.
“Yeah totally.” you faked a bit of confidence. You and Chris walked over to the crowd, and he helped you find your way through. You had barely glanced at the list when Mandy was screaming in your ear.
“We did it!” she cried. Your eyes scanned the list and sure enough, right across from the word Vanessa, your name was written. You turned and hugged Mandy, the two of you jumping up and down excitedly. She pulled away grinning, and you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned around and became face to face with Lin.
“You got it! You’re Vanessa!” he said excitedly.
“Yeah!” you exclaimed.
“Looks like you and are gonna be besties for the next few months then.” he grinned. You furrowed your brow, not getting what he meant. “I gotta run, but I’ll definitely see you later, okay?” You nodded. He flashed a dazzling smile before dashing away. Slightly stunned you turned slowly towards the casting list. Then you saw it, a few spots above your own name.
The first couple of weeks or so of musical practice were fairly low key, lots of practicing harmonies and rhythms and memorizing lines and blocking. It was weird playing opposite Lin, pretending to be all cool and popular while he was drooling over you when in reality he was the cool senior and you couldn’t act chill around him. You thought that maybe this would be your opportunity to become more comfortable with him, but since you were getting to know him better, and liking what you learned, you only got more nervous around him. It was easy when you were acting because you weren’t being yourself, but as soon as you went from Usnavi and Vanessa to Lin and Y/N, it got a lot harder to be calm. You just couldn’t seem to form sentences when he was looking at you, something Mandy gave you a lot of shit for.
The directors were merciful for the first month and didn’t make you and Lin and kiss yet, but you knew the time was coming where they’d want to run scenes straight through, and there was nothing you could do then.
As you were packing up your bag to head home after practice one day, your director called you and Lin over.
“Tomorrow when we run through the blocking, I’d like you guys to do the kiss so we can work the timing out with the music. Is that alright?” she asked.
“Sure!” Lin said comfortably. You flushed lightly and nodded.
“Yep that’s….fine.” you choked out.
“Awesome!” she gave you a thumbs up. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” You nodded and walked away. You were almost out of the theater when you realized that Lin was following behind you. You panicked, realizing it looked like you had been ignoring him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N!” he called with a smile.
“B-bye Lin.” You waved, a whirlwind starting in your chest. As soon as you were in your car, you rested your head against your steering wheel, feeling incredibly stupid for no reason at all. You were going to have your first kiss ever tomorrow, and it was going to be with your crush. This was something you should be excited about, but you were scared out of your mind.
“Were gonna run this one in the classroom.” your director said. “They’re using the stage for choreography right now.” You nodded.
“What’s happening?” Lin asked from behind you. Your heart nearly jumped out of your chest as he walked up behind you suddenly.
“Classroom.” you sputtered. Lin laughed lightly.
“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” he said. You shook your head as you took a deep breath. You and Lin followed your director into one of her classrooms. The implications of what was about to happen were crashing down on you, and you had to remind yourself how to breathe.
When you reached your destination, your director sat at her desk, spreading her script and notes out in front of her. “This is your champagne for right now.” She held out an empty soda bottle. You giggled and took it from her, looking up to see Lin smiling at you. “Alright! Let’s see how well you guys do without scripts, starting from Vanessa’s line.” she said eagerly.
You closed your eyes, silently begging yourself to relax.
“Ready?” the director asked.
“Yep!” Lin said. You nodded, trying to get into the mindset of Vanessa.
“You’ve got a point.” you said, smiling and turning to him. You heard a click and the soft piano melody started.
“How’s it going?” Lin nodded his head to you.
“So I got you a present…” you sang, cradling the empty bottle. “I went downtown to get it. Doing anything tonight?”
“Cleaning.” Lin shrugged.
You nodded.” Done for the day…”
“No way.” he held his hands up.
“Cause we’ve got a date.” Your voice faltered slightly and you prayed neither of them noticed.
“Okay.” Lin gazed at you.
“Before you board that plane…I owe you a bottle of cold champagne!” You lifted the soda bottle up eagerly.
“No!” Lin stepped closer and took it from you.
“Yeah!” You smiled proudly. “Cold champagne!”
“Wow, the bottle’s all sweaty and everything!” He stared at it in amazement and you fought your laughter because it was just a piece of trash.
“Pop the champagne!” you giggled stepping away.
“I don’t know if we have coffee cups-” You turned around and smiled at him. “I think Sonny has the cups..” Lin eyes locked on yours, and you almost forgot your line.
“Tonight, we’re drinking straight from the bottle.” you sang softly, staring into his eyes. You’d run this section like this before, but today it felt different. You turned away quickly, breathing deeply “Usnavi!”
“Y-yeah?” Lin stuttered and you furrowed your brow slightly, not daring to glance back at him.
You continued to sing, watching Lin pretend to fiddle with the bottle, essentially just twisting the cap on and off repeatedly. You giggled, causing you to stumble over your line. Lin looked up at the sound and smiled at you. It was a Lin smile not an Usnavi smile and your heart began to race with nervousness as you lost your grip on your character.
“What can I say or do to possibly repay you for your kindness?” You took a step closer to him.
Lin leaned over to you. “How do you get this gold shit off?” he asked. The music stopped.
“Lin! You know we changed that.” Your director warned.
“Sorry…” Lin mumbled. He looked up and winked at you. Your breath caught in your throat. “How do you get this gold stuff off?” he corrected. Your director sighed and started the music again.
“Before we both leave town, before the corner’s changed and the signs are taking down,” You looked up at him through your eyelashes. Instead of playing with the bottle like he was supposed too. He locked eyes with you and stared. “Usnavi, are you alright?” you asked, taken aback by the way he was looking at you. He seemed to snap out of something.
“I’m fine…I’m trying to open this champagne!” You smiled at him as he ranted to the soda bottle.
“Let me see it.”
“No I got it!”
You ripped the bottle away from him. “Yo, Usnavi, drop the champagne!” You turned and set the bottle down, as he talked to you. “And it’s gonna be okay.” you sang softly, turning around to hold his gaze again.
“I’m sorry it’s been a long day.” Lin looked down. You heart sped up. This was really happening. You weren’t ready.
“You oughta stay.” you practically whispered. “You can use that money to fix this place.” you sang, looking around the classroom as if it were the corner store. You looked back at him gesticulating as you sang back and forth.
“Yo what are you talking about?”
“I’m just saying I think your ‘vacation’ can wait!” You took a step towards him angrily, finally getting back into character. But as Lin sang his next line he stepped towards you and you nearly stumbled backward at the closeness, barely managing to get your words out.
“What are you trying to say?” Lin stepped towards you again.
“You’re leaving the country and were never gonna see you again.” you sang with less venom than you would have liked. You turned around and walked further away from him than the choreography called for. Your breaths became shallow, and you grew tense.
“You get everyone addicted to your coffee then off you go-”
“Vanessa! I don’t know why you’re mad at me.”
You turned around, your body shaking with nerves. “I wish I…”
You froze about a foot away from him, your mouth hanging open slightly. He furrowed his brow in confusion. “You’re supposed to kiss me.” he whispered.
You nodded slowly, “I know um..” You ran a hand through your hair and looked toward your director. “Can we take a break?”
She gave you skeptical look but nodded anyway. “Sure, of course.” You smiled gratefully before practically sprinting out the door of the classroom.
You turned down a hallway and leaned against the lockers there. You took slow and deep breaths, closing your eyes and willing your heart to slow down. There was no way you could do this.
“Y/N?” You jumped at Lin’s voice. He was standing at the end of the hallway, looking at you with worry, his hands shoved in his pockets awkwardly. “Are you okay?” he asked carefully.
You sighed. “Yeah….yeah I’m fine. Sorry.” you mumbled.
He stepped in front of you. “Look, if you don’t want to kiss me it’s totally fine. I und-”
“No no it’s not that I don’t want to kiss you!” you defended a little too quickly. He raised his eyebrows and felt your face heat up. “I mean no it’s just…agh!” You gripped onto your hair angrily. “I’ve…I’ve never kissed anyone before.” you confessed.
Lin took a slight step back. “Wha-how..I mean…that-there’s nothing wrong with that.” he rambled.
You scoffed. “Yeah, I’m a senior in high school and I’ve never been kissed. Totally not weird.” you said sarcastically.
“Seriously,” Lin insisted. “That’s not a bad thing, and it’s totally understandable why you’d be uncomfortable with this.” he explained.
“Thanks…” you whispered, leaning against the locker again. You bit your lip and looked down, your hair billowing around your face.
“What if your first kiss wasn’t acting?” he asked suddenly.
You looked up at him quickly. “What?”
He looked away and ran a hand through his hair. “What if you first kiss wasn’t acting?”
You cocked your head to the side. You were about to ask what he meant, but then his hand was on the side of your neck, and his nose rubbed against yours. Your mouth parted slightly, your breath mingling with his. You closed your eyes and waited.
Lin’s lips pushed against yours softly. You pressed back ever so slightly, your hands going to rest on his shoulders. Your legs went numb and you thought that you might collapse.
Lin pulled away slowly, both of your eyes still closed. He held his face close to yours for a moment before pulling away from you completely.
“Woah…” he breathed staring at you. ”Umm, okay.” He looked to the side. You stared down at your feet, blushing.
“There you guys are!” your director said, coming around the corner. She glanced between the two of you and smiled. “Are you ready?”
Lin looked to you with raised eyebrows. You smiled and looked to your director. “We’re ready.”
sometimes when i’m trying to fall asleep ill be awake? but i’m dreaming? the dreams are usually really terrifying and i cant wake myself up n i have to deal with a really intense and kinda scary dream for 20 minutes ?
“Why don’t you two call it a night?” your Lieutenant suggested slash ordered as she walking out of her office,ready to go home herself.
“Great idea. See you tomorrow Liv.” you said standing up stretching and yawning.
You watched her leave and then turned your gaze to your partner who was sliding folders into his bag. You quickly followed suit collecting your things. You engaged in generalised case talk before he asked you.
“You going straight home?” Sonny asked casually.
“My buildings being fumigated so I’m staying with Dad and Grandpa.” You informed him.
“The traffic going to be crazy going to Staten Island at this time of night.” He commented.
“Yeah, I know can’t you tell how happy I am about it?” you said sarcastically.
He chuckled. He put his last folder in his bag.
“Text me when you get home so I know your safe,okay?” he asked looking right at you and rubbing your shoulder.
Looking up you answered, “Sure.”
He took your answer with a smile and walked out saying a goodbye. You didn’t think much about his request. It was just something that people said. They didn’t actually mean it.
The request slipped your mind when you finally got to your Dads house. As soon as you got in you kicked your shoes, dropped your bag and rushed into the kitchen in search for something anything edible. Lucky for your Grandpa had made and left you dinner. You practically devoured the thing despite also making a sandwich and eating that while you heated the dinner up.
After that you lied on the couch completely stuffed after you had changed into your pyjamas.
“Full?” your Dad asked keeping his eyes on the paper he was reading.
You grunted and giving him the thumbs up as you were too stuffed to reply. He chuckled and was about to continue reading when the doorbell rang. You groaned audibly at the sound.
“I’ll get it then, shall I?” your Dad asked rhetorically before getting up and going to the door.
You heard muffled whispers before you Dad called out.
“Y/N, it’s for you.” Your Dad called.
“Tell them I’m dead.” you replied groaning and clutching your belly.
“Y/N” Your Dad called again.
You sighed heavily and loudly before getting up and walking towards the door. Upon your arrival you looked up to see Sonny standing on the porch illuminated by the porch light.
“Sonny?” you asked confused.
“I’ll leave you two to it. I’m calling it night. Goodnight princess.” Your Father said pressing a kiss onto the side of your head before walking up the stairs.
“Night Dad.” you said watching him go up the stairs.
You walked out the door and onto the porch keeping the door slightly ajar behind you.
“What’s going on, Sonny?” you asked your voice laced with concern.
He didn’t answer he just pulled you into hug.
“I’d say it was nice to see you too if I hadn’t seen you two hours ago.” you commented breaking apart.
“I’m so glad you’re okay. Why didn’t you text me. I’ve been worried.” he answered.
“Huh.” you promoted not understanding.
“You said you’d text me when you got home. I waited and got worried when you didn’t. I thought something bad might of happened.” he admitted looking down at the decking.
“Oh Sonny, I’m so sorry. I completely forgot about it. The only bad thing that happened to me is the amount of food I just ate.” you confessed feeling terrible.
“It’s alright.” he reassured laughing at you.
“No it’s not,” you sighed, “You came all the way out here to make sure my selfish ass was okay. I didn’t think you were serious. You know, I just thought it was one of those things you say in passing.”
“Y/N. It’s okay.” he attempted to reassure you once again.
“No, I feel awful. I didn’t know you cared so much about me. Why have you got to be so annoyingly considerate.” you groaned.
His whole demeanour changed hen you said it.
“Y/N. Of course I care. I lo-…like having you as my partner. I want you to stick round. And I can’t help caring. I’ve got a big heart.” he joked half serious half playful.
“Yeah. Yeah. Calm yourself down Mother Theresa. I’ll see you tomorrow. Go home. Get some sleep.” You ordered.
He chuckled before heading to his car. He turned around halfway down the path.
“By the way you’ve got sauce on your face.” he informed.
You put your hand to your face wiping it off before licking it off your hand.
“Gross.I didn’t realise this was the third grade.” he said in mock shock.
“You’re face is gross.” you shot back.
“Hey. No need to make this personal.” he said childishly.
You stuck your tongue out and told him jokingly to get off your lawn.
“Nice pyjamas.” he remarked opening his car door.
You stuck your middle fingers up. He put his hand to his chest as if he was deeply offended. You smiled at each other and exchanged goodbyes before you watched him drive off into the night thinking to yourself what you did to deserve someone as great as him.