i feel so much better today cries

HRT
Day #12
05/12/2017

So yesterday was a real emotional roller coaster.
I was thinking about #MothersDay and my thoughts were all good at first, I have a few mother like figures in my life that I am so blessed to have. But then, all of a sudden my brain took a detour and I was literally boo-hoo crying at the thought that one day, my moms, the women who very much contributed to who I am today, will one day pass. … I have never NOT been able to control my emotions like this. I have always been one of those people that in times of high anxiety or stress, something in me switches off, and I show little to no emotion. But yesterday… It was like every time I thought I had it together, thinking good thoughts… nope, brain detours back to traumatic thoughts and she is crying again. So basically I cried a lot yesterday over Mother’s Day.

Good News!
Today I feel better.
I have plans to have dinner with My mom tomorrow, going to go where ever heart desires. She has transformed her life lately with a knee surgery and some major life changes that have got her out camping and doing the things she loves again. It is a beautiful thing honestly, it has inspired me so much to take charge of my own body, mind & spirit. Then on Sunday, We are going over to cock dinner for George’s Mom, she has been in okay health as of late, so not good but not awful. So we are going to go spend some time over there. She doesn’t know we are coming so we hope she is pleasantly surprised. We also managed to get his sister’s in on it, and together were going to grill out and we created a meal with all of the things that his mom can eat. She has a lot of diet restrictions, so getting together for a family meal is a little more difficult, but I think George & his sisters really pulled something nice together, I’m excited.

HRT is a huge milestone for me and I wonder often, how in the deep south I managed to be blessed with not only a loving and accepting birth mother, but in my 24 years I have met and been loved & accepted by so many other mom’s.
Love on your Mama this weekend!

Xoxo
-Elliott Alexander

adlethstillio  asked:

Hey. I'm the lady from a few days ago, who asked for a reminder that Depression is a lying bastard. Thank you, so much. I've saved that list. I'm trying. My best isn't much right now, but I'm trying to be nice to myself. You asked me to check in. I'm not much better, but at least I don't think I'm worse. I talked to my therapist today. I cried. A lot. I'm exhausted. At least I feel something though. Big (virtual) hug. Seriously. I owe you huge.

Hey thank you for checking in with me! Keep going to your therapist, and give yourself permission to feel sad and exhausted. Just don’t let yourself get stuck there.

Will you check in with me again, please? I’m thinking about you.

How to study with a chronic illness and not kill yourself in the attempt

Originally posted by seriestvquotes

Hello my dear spoonies! It’s been a while since the last time I wrote, I’ve been busy dying and not-dying lately, but I am so much better now! *cries in fetal position*

I have so much to tell you, but today I want to focus on study issues. I have not been to attend college for eight months now because of my illnesses, but tomorrow I’m going to start a new semester. I’m obviously very scared, when you don’t study for so long because you weren’t healthy enought makes you feel worried, you’re afraid of becoming sicker and having to quit again.

But I made a little guide for myself so as to prevent this from happening. I want to share it as it may help someone.

Before I start I want to clarify that I have endometriosis, several spinal problems that make my joints hurt a lot and my gastrointestinal system doesn’t know how to function. Seriously. So what has been useful to me may or may not help you. Some may need more, some may need less. But I will try to make this as general as possible, hopefully something could be useful to you!

Don’t leave home without having breakfast. 

By this I don’t mean that you have to eat three loaves, six eggs and a liter of coffee, eat something that makes you feel safe, eat something that you know your body can tolerate well. Leaving home without eating anything is going to make you have low blood sugar and will lower your blood pressure if you are susceptible to this. If you don’t feel well enough for breakfast, try having healthy snacks during class time.

Make good use of class time.

When you go back to your house you may need to rest a lot. Some will be able to take more advantage of the rest of the day than others, but if you know beforehand that you wont be able to, use your time in class well and don’t get zoned. If the class is slow you can try to advance on the material. Do not forget to keep a good posture while sitting.

Squeeze every second you feel good.

Originally posted by usedpimpa

Rest in the recess.

Some class breaks are longer than others. The important thing is that you use this time to give your body or brain a break. If you need to close your eyes for a while, do it, if you need to stay in the classroom seated, do it. If they don’t let you stay in the classroom, talk to the teachers, don’t be embarrassed to explain your situation.
If you have spinal problems, use this time to get up and walk a little. The vertebral discs get compressed when seated and they rise when we return to stretch. This will avoid back pain and even some joints pain. Keep a good posture while sitting!!

Bring your meds.

If you need to take medicine, take them. If you need your painkillers, take them. It’s not a shame to take pills in front of others, you know your body and what you need, and your health comes first. Don’t think what others will say, you don’t need it and will only generate anxiety. If you are embarrassed that someone might ask, you can literally answer that you don’t want to talk about it, but that your medicines make you feel good. Your health is only your business.

Stay hydrated. 

This speaks for itself. Drink lots of water! Especially if you drink a lot of coffee like me. Oh, and avoid the energy drinks.

Relax when you get home.

You do not have to go back and immediately sit down to study while you choke on lunch/dinner (haha, choke, sorry I’m five). Take a bath, put on comfortable clothes, do your back exercises if you have to, rest for a while in bed and apply hot or cold pads where it hurts if needed. If you’ve been sitting in class for a long time, I seriously recommend to do a little stretch for your back when you get home, it can make a difference (do it or I will kick you ಠ_ಠ).

Originally posted by crayonsandkittens

Study time.

Understand that there are different ways to study and that you have to find the most suitable for you. For example, for some it will be better to take the reading material to bed and read lying down, and this is ok. Always make sure you are comfortable, and if you are sitting keep a good posture ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Use ranges of 20/10 or 40/20 minutes, study, rest. Do not overload yourself, but try to keep up with the class. This will be very useful for when you need to take a day off or during finals. Studying a little every day is going to be a lot healthier for you, and less stressful, than doing it all in a week.

Do not forget that there are many resources, not just books. If you don’t feel well to read or do exercises you can watch educational videos while you rest your body. Read things to understand not to memorize. Use colors to make it easier for you to remember information. If you feel stuck in one chapter, move on to the next or review the previous one. Don’t stress or compare yourself to anyone. If a subject is difficult for you, you aren’t stupid, it’s only a subject that is more difficult to you, as it happens to everyone. It’s okay to ask for help.

Know when to stop.

Originally posted by meusmisteriosospensamentos

This I think is the most important part. Recognize when you feel bad. Take a day off if you’re sick, it’s okay to skip a class. Don’t compete with others or compare yourself, your situation is different. Identify how much you can do, recognize it. Don’t think that your old self could have taken five classes and today you can only take three, two or one. Your past self is in the past. Work with who you are today and move on from there. If you can only take one class today, that’s fine. Time will go on the same, whether you do that subject or not. Don’t give up just because you have to take it slow, feel proud that you are strong enough to be where you are today. 

You are valuable, you are intelligent and you will be a great professional.

┬┴┬┴┤ ͜ʖ ͡°) ├┬┴┬┴ And if you don’t strecht I will hunt you down.

31 weeks + 0

We had a baby today.

He was 3 pounds, 14 oz, and 17 inches tall. He cried. It was beautiful. I will not be positing pictures on here yet, he still looks like a little old man. He’s in the NICU doing awesome and breathing on his own.

Our hearts are beyond full and I feel so much better already.

yesterday i cried almost nonstop from when i woke up to when i fell asleep and it was such a release. i feel so much better today… crying is so cleansing. emptying that stuff that hurts out of your heart. 

2

AAAHHHHHHHHHH WE HIT FOUR HUNDRED FOLLOWERS TODAY!!!!

OH MY GOSH I FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED! Okay, so y'all may or may not know this, but I originally never wanted to start this blog. I didn’t think anyone would like my art work, since so many people are so much better at it. But whoo boy, Imagine my surprise when I reached 100 followers, and then people just started to pour in, giving such loving praise and compliments to my work!

I almost cried when I saw the milestone we hit! I don’t think you people realize just how important this is to me. I had no confidence when I first created this blog, but look at me now! I’m currently running three blogs and co-owning another blog with Socky! I didn’t make this happen; you guys did! You gave me my confidence, and I am forever grateful to you all for it!

Now, some shout outs!
@blog-sockydraw you were such an inspiration to me, and much better with traditional art than I was, so I felt that I could only stare from afar while you amounted to this outstanding young artist you are now. But imagine my surprise when you actually followed me! I was so damn happy! And then you started to chat with me, and I can say with true honesty that you are one of my closest Tumblr friends.
@ask-guilldawhiteinkwildcat (I can’t tag for you some reason) you were so kind to me when I first started! You would chat with me sometimes and make me smile and laugh with your shenanigans. So for that, thank you!
@ihaileysenpai honestly Hailey, I wouldn’t care what you dubbed, because your such a nice person who’ve I’ve looked up to because of your personality and your jokes, which always made me laugh btw. You’re such an amazing person, so you keep being you Hun; never change! (Get better though Hun)
@theniceprincess-tnp wow, where do I even start? Okay, so I’ve been watching you for probably a year now. You were probably the second dubber I ever watched, the first being Ania. You made me crack a smile, and I’ve even talked to you on discord before, though you probably don’t remember. I was with Poni though! You’re such a nice and supportive person, and honest to boot. Playful too! So, do never change Nice, you’re such a good person, so don’t let anyone else’s opinion change that.
And now, probably the most important person to thank;
@pony-broni / @bendybabies
Hun, I literally don’t even know where to start. You helped me through a really tuff time, and I’ve always admired you, even before I started Tumblr. You were the type of person that made me want to better myself and I honestly never thought I’d ever meet you, let alone you noticing me. But when I decided to send you that first fanart, it’s one of my many decisions that I’ll never regret. Thanks to you, I gained so many opportunities and met so many amazing people, so for that I honestly thank you for the very bottom of my heart! Poni, I honestly consider you a sister, and I only do the at to people who I truly trust. So; thank you.

I didn’t make this happen, YOU GUYS DID. And I thank you from the very bottom of my soul. Tumblr is my home, it’s where I belong, and I’ll never regret joining this society.

Some Jonah x Amy headcanons :

- Movie nights means a lot of arguing because Jonah wants to watch a Swedish documentary but Amy just wants to watch a cute rom-com so they finally decide to take turns choosing which means Jonah getting WAY too into the movie when Amy chooses and a lot of “wow that actually wasn’t terrible” by Amy when Jonah chooses

- A few months into their relationship, Jonah is telling a typical Jonah Story™ and Amy is staring at him, unable to focus on anything he’s saying because she just realized how happy she is and that she hasn’t felt this happy in years

- Emma actually loves Jonah ? They get along very well

- When they move in together, Amy is so weirded out because Jonah helps so much around the house ? Adam didn’t do any chores or she had to ask him for 5 hours and she got used to it but Jonah cooks, does the dishes, vacuums without her asking anything and she just ? Wow ?

- Also, she’s very confused because she clearly becomes Jonah’s #1 priority and he always makes sure she’s thinking about her needs and not just the others’ he’s been doing that even before the relationship but it becomes even clearer then and when she’s tired from doubles or uni, he offers to take care of Emma so she can have the weekend to herself and she is? not used to that?

- They start taking each other’s little habits and everyone hates it

- “finally they banged”

- You’d think Jonah would be the jealous one but really, it’s Amy. She’s always in denial when someone calls her out on it though and Jonah loves it

- They call each other out on what they do wrong (both in and out of the relationship). This was tricky for Jonah at first but as they got more comfortable in the relationship, he got more comfortable doing that. They’re really good for each other because they make each other better

- Lots of long loving stares and bright in love smiles

- Jonah is way more into PDA than her but never crosses her boundaries (i.e she is always the one to engage the PDA at work because he knows it makes her uncomfortable most of the time so he lets her take charge of that)

- They run into Adam in the street at some point. They were holding hands and it’s very uncomfortable

- Jonah loves kissing her forehead and softly running his fingers through her hair

- Amy has a lot of troubles opening up to him and being vulnerable at first, which he totally respects. He never pressures her and waits till she feels comfortable and safe enough

- GREAT SEX *cough* photolab *cough*

- They secret date™ for a while because they want to take things slow and when they finally make it public at work no one is surprised “we’ve known for 5 months” “we’ve been dating for 3”

- Jonah helps her study for her midterms and loves how focused she gets (he’s also great at helping her handle her frustration when she can’t remember something)

- Amy is SO in love. Like we talk and see how whipped Jonah is a lot but GOD DOES AMY LOVES THAT DORK. It’s honestly overwhelming for her at times

- Amy cries when she gets pregnant from him. She remembers that one pregnancy scare with Adam and realizes Jonah definitely is someone she wants to form a family with and she is overwhelmed by how happy she’s been with him so far

- However, that happiness is quickly replace by fear. Things started to get complicated with Adam when she got pregnant and she’s terrified about that happening with Jonah. So she keeps the pregnancy from him for a while. She’s terrible at lying to him though, so he quickly realizes something is wrong. He asks her and she tells him about both the pregnancy and her fears and he promises her nothing about how he feels will change. He spends her pregnancy and a few months after their baby girl is born showering her in attention and love to assure her NOTHING has changed

- Jonah cries at the first ultrasound, when they learn it’s a girl and so much when she is born

- They argue on the name for months before finally, they settle on the name “Ramona”

- They make Garrett the god father and Cheyenne the god mother? and he pretends he doesn’t care but he’s so touched

- They’re in love and they make each other happy and better and they spend the rest of their life together thank you very much

anonymous asked:

I was having a pretty emotionally sad day today but this video made me smile so much they are good :(

omg i’m so happy they were able to make you feel a little bit better. lol i had to watch it in secret in a bathroom stall at work and i feel bad for anyone who was trying to have a peaceful pee and heard my muffled snorting in the background. i laughed so much i cried … they’re so fucking ridiculous in every way

20151022 Eunkwang Fancafe Post
  • This is a shinning beautiful night.
  • To be honest, it still doesn’t feel real.
  • Precisely 3 years 7 months, we BTOB and Melody and all our staffs have worked god knows how much to get us what we have now.
  • I can just be thankful, as always.
  • Everyone wants to see me cry? Huh? Haha
  • Getting our first win is something worth celebrating but to me, the title of “first” doesn’t mean that much…
  • I, as a singer, used to think that enjoying every moment I sing and perform is all that matter.
  • Everyone who received strength through listening to our songs, everyone who loves us are the most important to me,
  • so I just cry in our fan meetings and concert… hahahahahahaha…..
  • But today, I realize how important our first win is.
  • First of all, Melody has always been sorry for not giving us the title. Winning lifted down the burden Melody feel for not getting us our first win! I feel so much better inside too.
  • And the moment we received our first places, our Cube family, all our staffs and people and our melody all cried…
  • Seeing all these I feel so happy and loved, and I really want to keep making all of these people feel happy and loved ….
  • Everyone! The first place is not just for one person, it is fruit of everyone’s hard work, it is the present shared by all of us. I will work harder in the future to give everyone even more precious present!
  • And I will become the singer that you guys can be the most proud of
  • I am dreaming about the day
  • The day BTOB’s songs are known by everyone and in every household
  • Melody!!! You have worked hard, I love you!

You know when you feel so bad you just wanna cry. Like stop in the middle of the street and cry. That was me today. I had to do things but I was running on negative spoons and every steps felt like too much of an effort. I normally cope better with days like this but today if I could’ve I would’ve just stopped and cried.


Originally posted by flying-for-my-dreams

Another Ode to Another Unhealthy Love 10/4/2017

I’m all ready angry just thinking about you because instead of some spiteful monologue about how you were a monster I only want to write about how beautiful I saw you. Instead of writing about how you didn’t give a damn about me, how you drive through red lights with your eyes closed, screaming, I can only smash the keys to say how you made me feel so damn alive. I should write about how I know better now, how I’ve cried enough tears to get us out of a drought, but I can only run my fingers across this keyboard over how much you inspired me and my work. Instead of an ode to how it felt like you ruined me, I can only say how much I love me now and how I wouldn’t be the man I am today, if it wasn’t for you.

no offence but like ………….. i know how to control myself and handle whats going on inside me so much better than i did even 12 months ago.. and big emotional lows still happen (like today i was very moody and cried a lot more than normal) but i can feel myself just levelling off and getting more calm and peaceful as a person. and it’s not like i don’t care, or i’m depressed, but like when a nasty thought rolls in i have actually finally figured out how to calm myself down and not listen.. and i have enough self-respect and grace for myself and just a little more humility than i used to and all that has combined to help me let go easier than before. i love growing up so, so much.. finally being out of my teens is such a relief 

This week has been really, really difficult for me. A bunch of things came together at the beginning of the week (my period, a cold, a disappointing reaction, and more) and it all took one giant shit on me. I can’t remember the last time I’ve cried so much. Yesterday was better, and hopefully today is too.
The only thing that has kept me sane has been Mike. We have spent so much time talking through everything and I feel so connected right now. Like I had a lot of mushy feelings immediately following the surrogacy (because hormones), but it’s nothing compared to what I feel now. I’m so completely, head-over-heels in love with my husband.

my fiancé is really excited about our wedding and actually seems to really enjoy talking about planning it


he told me today he can’t wait until they tell him he can kiss me, his bride, and he thinks about that moment a lot


he is incredibly romantic and very emotionally available and he really does know me better than anyone else on this planet and i feel so much security in that, and trusting him to know me like that in the first place


i happy cried so hard about him so far today on video chat and we are both so thrilled to be able to be together permanently on tuesday


he’s beautiful

anonymous asked:

Hey, this is the heartbreak anon from a couple days ago. I've been hurting for 5 days now but today has been the best thus far, it feels kinda good to feel a little bit better. I've been crying and letting myself be sad when that's what I feel but I'm tying to stay positive

hey that’s so good! i’m glad you’re letting yourself feel the sadness because that’s all you can do during these hard times. i remember when it happened to me and i cried for pretty much 4 days straight. i didn’t go to class, i barely ate, i didn’t shower, i just laid in my bed and i cried. my friends gave me those days to wallow and to hurt and ache and drown in it. but then after that weekend was over, i told myself i had to start getting on with my life. i didn’t necessarily start moving on but i did start moving forward. i got out of bed. i showered. i went to class. i think that monday i stood in the student union and handed out fliers for a protest all day long because i needed to find something to throw my energy into.

but that was the first day that i felt maybe close to okay. it was the first day i didn’t spend the whole day crying. i may have had the emotional integrity of a souffle but i was able to stand on my own two feet and make it work. tim gunn would have been proud of me.

there’s gonna be setbacks - there’s gonna be days where it feels like it’s happening all over again but eventually you’re going to cry less and less and it gets to a point where you’re not even counting the times in a day you’ve cried about it anymore. life keeps going. 

you’re going to be okay darling. you’re going to remember how to be happy again i swear it.

Things that would be nice to hear for once maybe:

“It’s going to be ok”
“I’m so proud of you”
“You’re not a disappointment”
“I believe in you”
“I know you can make it, you’re stronger then you think”
“I really do love you”
“I’m glad you’re in my life”
“You make my life easier”
“Your soul is so beautiful”
“I don’t think you’re talentless *gives specific example of thing I made with reasons why it was good*
“I don’t think you’re useless *gives example of thing I did that was helpful with reasons why*
"I truly hope you’re happy someday”
“I miss you when you’re gone”
“You’re so much more than you think”
“I love it when you smile”
“I actually like your singing”
“This made me think of you”
“You don’t deserve to feel this way”
“What can I do to make you feel better”
“You look nice today”
“I see that you’re trying”
“You are enough”
“You’re a good friend”
“I won’t leave you”
“I would be sad if you were gone”

Avril Lavigne Diagnosed With Lyme Disease: "I Was Bedridden for Five Months" and "I Thought I Was Dying"


Life got pretty complicated for Avril Lavigne last year.


When she visited Las Vegas to celebrate her 30th birthday in October, she wasn’t in the partying mood. “I could barely eat, and when we went to the pool, I had to leave and go lie in bed,” she recalls, adding that she’d felt lethargic and lightheaded for a while. “My friends asked, ‘What’s wrong?’ I didn’t know.”


Shortly after, Lavigne was diagnosed with a severe case of Lyme disease.


“I had no idea a bug bite could do this,” she says. “I was bedridden for five months.”


The “Girlfriend” singer believes a tick bit her sometime in the spring of 2014.


As the “Rock 'n’ Roll” singer reveals in People’s Apr. 13 issue, she spent months recuperating at her home in Ontario. Lavigne spent time with family, watched movies and talked to fans using social media. Her husband, Chad Kroeger, 40, checked in during breaks from his tour with Nickelback, and for a while, Lavigne’s mother moved in to help take care of her. “There were definitely times I couldn’t shower for a full week because I could barely stand. It felt like having all your life sucked out of you,” the singer says.


“I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t talk and I couldn’t move,” she says. “I thought I was dying.”

Lavigne kept her health news private, but she did open up to one fan via direct messaging on Twitter. The posts went viral in December, but she didn’t mind. “They were asking about me since I was MIA, so I mentioned to one fan directly that I wasn’t feeling good. The get-well messages and videos they sent touched me so deeply,” she recalls. “I lay in bed watching them and cried so much because I felt loved.”

Today, Lavigne says she is feeling “80 percent better.


"This was a wake-up call,” the “Sk8er Boi” singer says. “I really just want to enjoy life from here on out.”


People’s Apr. 13 issue

hiatus

hello all. it really hurts to write this, but this blog will continue to post frequently, but i will be going on a little bit of a hiatus. me and my girlfriend have broken up and parted ways. we had a conversation where she explained to me that she never felt anything for me and that it was a relationship initially started to make me feel better and that she thought that she would feel something along the way. i have cried a lot of tears today, but i now realize that she was/is toxic. we are no longer communicating. i am sorry to all of you who appreciate this blog. i will continue to post frequently in recovery, as this has very greatly affected me, but i have lost some ambition to write. i will try my best to recover, and i hope you all can understand. 

i recognize my blog as a triggering blog, as i post a lot about my past abuse and i mention sort of heavy topics. i appreciate all of you who truly appreciate these poems; though few, it means so much to me that people can empathize with these poems and it’s so inspiring and such a good feeling; we all can stay connected through these things. if there is anybody here that is suffering through depression/abuse/toxic relationships or friendships, just know that many of us have experienced the same and i truly appreciate you all. thank you so much.