i feel so much better today cries

6

Where to even begin? I love this person so so so much! He is absolutely amazing and breathtakingly gorgeous😍 He’s so funny and he always makes me smile and feel better💖 He’s an angel and I think we can all agree that he deserves the whole universe! Today he is 21 (cries) and I am so proud in everything he does and everything he has accomplished so far✌ So Michael, I hope you have an amazing birthday today and I hope you enjoy it! You are finally legal in America🇺🇸🇺🇸😂 Don’t go too crazy yeah? I love you so much Mikey, you mean the world to me and I hope one day I get to say that in person and hug you💖 You are going to accomplish so much, reach goals and make dreams come true in the future and I will be right there to support you and say “that’s my boy”. I will always support you in every decision you make and the choices in life you make regarding your personal life, I’ll be standing behind you 100%🤗 Don’t ever change for anyone, don’t let anyone hide you away, don’t let anyone tell you what to do because ffs YOU ARE MICHAEL AND MICHAEL DON’T PLAY BY THE RULES! You are amazing and I hope you have the bestes birthday ever😘🍕🎂🍰🎈🎉🎁 I love you❤❤❤

7

6 Years of Dan

@danisnotonfire posted his first video six years ago today and since then he’s met his best friend, created his own unique video series such as ‘reasons why dan’s a fail’ and ‘internet support group,’ been on and now has a show on BBC radio 1, made many great collaborations with other YouTubers, created a gaming channel, written an incredible book, gone on tour, and effected the lives of over 5 million people. Dan has done a lot in these six years and I personally am glad I got to watch it all happen. He’s inspired many people and managed to make them laugh. He’s creative, intelligent, well articulated, kind, and has a unique ‘relatable’ sense of humour. I’m so glad that he chose to share his life with us and would like to say thank you. 

Thank you, Dan, for posting that iconic video that makes you cringe so much. If not for you posting that video and continuing to make the great content you do, then many of us would not be the people we are today. In the book you said that you felt that you and Phil were writing it to thank us for being there so you could share your lives and ideas with us, but really we should be thanking you for allowing us to get to know you and for making us smile.

Therapy helped a lot today, but it was still hard and emotional. Trying to figure out if I’m a good or bad person. It gets hard. I don’t know how people want me to feel and I don’t know how I even am supposed to feel.

Basically my therapist had be imagine the person was there and I spilled my guts and basically said everything I wanted to say and I cried again because I knew I was a shitty person and I just hated myself so much and I just want to be better and I feel like I’m doing that. I feel like I’m getting better mentally but like, I still know deep down I’m a shit person and no matter what I do for the rest of my life I’m always going to know I’m a shit person.

How the fuck can I forgive myself if nobody will forgive me? Why bother? It’s borderline useless. I’m just always going to hate myself for what I did. I literally just want to inflict as much harm as possible on my body for them. If I hurt myself it will repay the favor, right? It will be even? If I die will they be free? I don’t know. They won’t talk to me so why do I even bother continuing knowing I’m a shit person? How do shit people live with themselves? Are they just oblivious to the fact that they are shit? How do I live with myself? I still can’t. I still don’t sleep. Right now I don’t believe I deserve happiness or any good things. I want to be punished as much as possible for what I did. That’s all I want. I can’t just…let this shit go. It’s probs easy as fuck for others but not me. Because I’m so damn concerned about her wellbeing and knowing I made her feel like shit makes me just want to do bad things to myself still. It’s so damn hard. I have to take sleeping pills so I can actually sleep at night without wallowing in the self hatred I have for myself.

If I can’t apologize in person and I’m a shit person who will likely only hurt people in the future no matter how hard I try not to, what is my purpose? To just be selfish? Or should I just give away all my worldly possessions and live in poverty to punish myself forever? What should I do? I don’t know! I just want to make things right and I can’t and just please end this pain somebody!!!!!

Thank you baekhyun for always making him smile,taking care of him, understanding him. I’m grateful he has a brother like you. Also junmyeon who leaves his seat immediately after seeing yixing cry, jongin who comforted him.

My dearest Philip,

Today you had a giant headache. It made me sad to see you in so much pain, you even cried a little bit. So I decided to comfort you by giving you one of my warm bear hugs. I told you that you were going to feel better after a while and that I would bring you some paracetemols to make the pain go away, but you clung onto me and told me that you didn’t want to let go just yet. I hope you get better soon!

Xxx Daniel