i feel personally abused just looking at these

I was called a selfish ingrate (or some variation of that) almost everyday as a child. So obviously I’ve struggled a lot with feeling selfish. How would I not?

Anyways, one time my friend offered me a chip she wanted me to try. It took a lot of convincing but I finally broke a small piece off. I looked up and just saw her staring at me with a weird look on her face.

“Why did you break off a piece instead of eating the whole thing?”

And what she said next touched me more then she’ll ever know.

She told me I was “worth a whole chip.” And yeah, it sounds stupid, but imagine hearing someone say you’re worth something when you’ve been told your whole life you deserve and are worth absolutely nothing.

And yeah, this whole story seems miniscule. But the point is, if you have a friend who’s been abused, realize how far simple words of kindness go. You can’t break down the feelings of shame and worthlessness without love and compassion.

So thank you for all of you out there that help us see the light in ourselves that out parents tried to put out.

lil-dragons  asked:

I have a Latino character (15-16 yr old) whose family life is super important to his personality. He's an only child, and his parents are neglectful. Except, they aren't verbally or physically abusive, they just ignore him. Both parents work jobs that pay around 100k annually(which, in California, is enough to live comfortably, or 'middle class'), so they're more concerned with their work than their child. However, this makes me feel like i'm ignoring his culture completely. Any advice?

Culture in Character Design for a Latino Teen 

I think that your issue will solve itself as you build his character.  

Look at the traditional holidays.  From my Mexican-American perspective: do they do tamales for Christmas like we do, do they set up an altar for their loved ones come the weeks before Dia De Los Muertos? Since family life is important to him and these sorts of things are an opportunity to connect to family, maybe you could incorporate culture and characterize his family orientedness by his desire to participate in some traditions as a family. 

Then there’s the dinner table, which is a stage for setting family dynamics one way or the other. What do they eat as a family?  Throw in some traditional staples. I’m not sure if you are talking Salvadorean, Mexican, Honduran, or what, but if you do have a dinner scene, put it with some traditional food.

The way he connects to his family also can be portrayed in how much Spanish is spoken in the house versus among his peers.  Does he just hear it when his parents are angry or have something rude to say in public, does he hear it all the time and not so much around his friends and he tries to teach them, does he feel disconnected from fellow Latinos because he’s no good at it? Et cetera.

You can incorporate culture into his memories. Maybe there’s some music that he’s picked up from the times he was younger and his parents were happier and they used to rock out together to some specific band, like with my mother it was Eydie Gorme, Celia Cruz,  and Kumbia Kings, and with my grandmother it was Julio Iglesias (one of her favorite songs was begin the beguine).  You can also put in superstitions, like scaring the crap out of him as a kid with el Cucuy. 

Rodriguez

I want to make a shout out to child on child sex abuse survivors (COCSA Survivors). First of all, I feel like it’s unfair that it has to be a separate thing. It’s still child sex abuse.

It’s easy for others to take our abuse and invalidate it, to brush it under the rug, for people to be like “It’s just kids being kids,” or for people to make it about themselves by going “well I was actually molested,” etc. That’s unfair. Yes, that person may have been, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t.

It doesn’t matter if it was other kids too. It can still hurt. It can still be scary. It can still be traumatic. And it is. For you, for me, and tons of others. It happens. It’s not fake, and it’s more than “kids being kids.”

What you went through is unique to you. It’s still trauma you went through. No one has the right to take your pain and compare it to theirs, especially if they’re just trying to invalidate you. Your pain is yours. It’s yours to deal with. They’re your nightmares. They’re your panic attacks. They’re your triggers. They’re your memories. They’re your fears. It’s your trauma. It’s yours to deal with.

So don’t let anyone tell you that what you went through “isn’t real,” or “doesn’t count.” They can tell that to all the breakdowns you’ve had, to all of your tears, to all of your fears, rational or not, to all of your panic attacks. That’s not fair to you.

You deserve to know that your pain is real, and it is really valid. You’re not alone. I promise. It’s not ridiculous, it’s not silly. It’s scary. It’s sad. It’s traumatic. And it’s yours to handle.

You’ve got this, okay?

So last night was a new episode of Shadowhunters & as per usual I feel a need to defend my faves because once again Jace & Clary are being hated on because apparently escaping your abusive ass of of a father is not enough…..they should have saved everyone too.

Look I get it Gretal died a needless death but that is Valentine’s fault. No one else’s. I guess you just forgot that Clary was kid napped & magic was used to make her say things she did not mean, that she was held like an animal in a cage but still had the courage to find away to get the person she loves off that damn ship. Dot was a part of this plan. She had to open up the spell so they could out so there. Do you really believe if their was another option that Clary would have just left her there.

And I guess it’s also easy to forget that Jace even though he’s been manipulated & tortured still was fighting against killing down worlders & refused to do anything Valentine wanted until Clary was brought into it. He did not want to kill Gretal but he’s just trying to survive the hell he’s been living so when they chance for him to escape presented itself he freaking took it & didn’t look back. That doesn’t make him a bad person. It makes him a Survivor.

when people remind u how sick u r of people defending Snape’s behavior against actual children

“Oh he was just rude to them, he was just rude to the boy who looked like the person who tormented him.”

Rude?

Oh yes, now humiliating an orphaned and abused 11 year old for things he couldn’t possibly know is now just rude

It’s not as if he wasn’t suppose to be a teacher and not a fucking toddler picking fights on a playground

This same man who saw a child being abused in his memories and still called him an entitled brat….yet the child whom he humiliated consistently when seen his bullying by his dad and friends actually feels sympathy

I don’t fucking care Snape was bullied, I don’t fucking care he was upset - NOTHING excuses his fucking horrendous behavior to an 11 year old boy who did nothing wrong and in fact would actually have a happy childhood if he hadn’t gone and fucked it up!!

I don’t care if he wants to cry to the high heavens about James Potter being a bully, bc guess what, that same arrogant bully James Potter would actually risk his life to defend people from a murdering racist of a dark lord and that same arrogant bully if he had been in Snape’s position, would not have humiliated an 11 year old for not knowing anything because he just found out about the magical world, not when he’s a grown ass man - bc that same arrogant bully found out his friend was a werewolf and instead of being an asshole, he decided to learn risky magic just to make his friend’s pain be less, that same arrogant bully still befriended Peter Pettigrew and trusted him despite most thinking Peter useless, that same arrogant bully who may in all the ways hate Snape, but still fucking risked his life to get Snape out of the shrieking shack.

James Potter may be an arrogant bullying toerag who was an obnoxious idiot in all the ways, but he had basic decency

Where was Snape’s basic decency when he couldn’t even muster one iota of care for the child of the woman he supposedly love?

Snape was willing to let an innocent baby die just to have the woman he loves, that should tell u enough how no poor bullying victim can justify not having any basic decency

  • me: I am a compulsive liar as a direct result of my mental illnesses and the abuse I suffered as a child because I often believe I have to lie to protect myself or make myself feel loved or it's just an impulse I have no control over and I always feel guilty after I lie
  • neurotypical: OMG ur such manipulative bitch!!! stop lying so much, ur an awful person!! ur only lying to hurt me! I know ur a compulsive liar, but u should stop because it's MANIPULATIVE and u have TOTAL CONTROL OVER IT!
  • me: *looks into camera like I'm in the office*

the only reason im personally upset by the amount of criticism towards steven universe right now is that it’s pretty much the only thing i really look forward to + im not doing too good in general right now and i just always feel so /guilty/ for getting the slightest smile out of it… similar thing happened with dr who

i hate hate hate that people think that those who post lots of selfies are arrogant, self absorbed, shallow, etc. like let people enjoy themselves?? i literally spent so many years hating myself, putting myself down, abusing myself mentally and physically that this is a huge milestone for me. i’m at a point where i can appreciate my looks sometimes (i still struggle a lot) like i have days where i put on make up and get ready and i’m just like fuck!!!! i feel so confident rn!! ofc i wanna document that! and there’s also nothing wrong with appreciating and enjoying compliments?? like who doesn’t like that!? let people enjoy themselves, let them post all the selfies they want, you don’t know what it took for them to get to this point. knowing you look good is not a crime.

If I could give any type of advice to you, it would be TRUST yourself. Trust your gut. If you are in a relationship with someone (romantic, friendship, familial, etc.) and something feels wrong about it, you feel disrespected, you feel icky about it, trust yourself. Look at those red flags. Do not dismiss them. Your gut won’t steer you wrong. Save yourself years of heartache by getting out as soon as possible. Don’t wait for that person to change. Don’t count on them to save your relationship. Be good to yourself. You deserve better than being part of a half-assed relationship. You deserve to be happy. You deserve love and security and safety and understanding. Please. Future you will thank you. Be brave and get out now. Save yourself because lord knows, your shitty other half will not do it for you.

anonymous asked:

Hi! I realized that I've been in denial for my thing for Cat Grant but now I'm not. Like I'm almost 19 and she's 52... she's almost my moms age and it makes me feel weird.. I'm so happy seeing other people on here in love with her too. It makes me feel less weird :)

i totally get the feeling weird thing. up until like two or so years ago, i used to lie to my friends about the women i thought were attractive. because like, it’s totally chill to be like “emma watson is my celebrity crush” but like, from personal experience, you’ll sometimes get some weird looks when your answer is anyone over like thirty five? 

i just like remind people how many teenage girls have crushes on johnny depp and society as a whole has absolutely no problem with that (i hate using him as an example because he’s an abusive dick, but like it’s true for some reason they still love him) and like don’t let the ageism and misogyny get you down. women don’t stop being attractive after they hit thirty and it’s absolutely not weird that you agree with that statement 

i’m happy you feel less weird about it, btw, that was supposed to be the entire point of this post but i relate and i wanted you to know that too

anonymous asked:

Didn't Filbrick send Stan to boxing classes? Why would Filbrick give Stan the ability to defend himself, if he physically abused him? That and Stan still looked up to him. He even wore the man's clothing.

I’m going to direct you over to this post,  which does a good job about addressing this. (fyi the original post defends Filbrick for those who wish to avoid it, if you want to see the rebuttals scroll down.)  

I’d would like to add though, that someone who is abused, may still look up to/love/have many mixed feelings toward the abuser, it’s very complicated and not always black and white. Abuse sometimes isn’t that obvious, especially if it’s normal for the person, just a part of the environment they grew up in. 

I just???? Do you guys get how important Magnus Bane’s character is and his portrayal and just everything about him??????? Like alright he’s an openly bisexual moc that wears astounding fashion choices and makeup and nail polish, while still being considered not only one of the most attractive characters in this television series, but also the arguably most powerful. He’s gone through an abusive relationship and still believes in love and a chance for it, he cares so deeply for the people he loves it’s almost heartbreaking, and he’s still amazingly witty and funny and bright. He’s such amazing representation for so many different people, and his portrayal is one of the most astonishing things I’ve ever witnessed. He’s played as blindingly powerful but still kind, he’s shown as “coy” and he’s shown as proud of himself and who he’s become (he’s played by Harry Shum Jr. and that man deserves his own post). I just,,, idk man like Do You Understand????? How important this character is??????????? To so many ppl??? Do you get it??

I don’t deserve to be treated poorly by my friends, especially when they had the means to help me get away from my abuser and just didn’t (because I guess if I don’t show up on their doorstep in tears literally begging them for shelter I’m not really being abused and they need that spare bedroom for their waifu statuettes or whatever). And DOUBLE especially when they refuse to help me/look the other way/scoff, but have no problems making jokes about it to undercut that the situation makes them uncomfortable but they feel absolutely no other type of way about my physical and mental well being. Like sorry if I got myself into this by moving back in with my parents, sorry I had no transportation and no choice, but laughing about the fact that my mom is abused right along with me and implying she only got a job because everyone at their church knows and pities her is fucked up. It’s fucked up. I really envy people who don’t understand the self-worth part of abuse in relationships, and who undercut those people in their own minds all the time because they can’t understand what it’s like to fundamentally believe you are worthless. My mom is in a really bad place mentally that she might never dig herself out of, and she may have been violent when I was younger, but she still doesn’t deserve to live like this for the rest of her life, with someone who literally yells ‘I’m not yelling at you or hitting you so I don’t know what the fuck your problem is’ every time they get into it. Like calling her stupid and crazy and ugly and letting her believe that more than he does is okay. Is a funny joke. I don’t understand how one of my friends can seem so socially aware and knowledgeable about rape and be a victim of sexual abuse like I was and stiLL BELIEVE A WOMAN BEING COMPLACENT IN HER OWN ABUSE BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN MENTALLY BROKEN SOMEHOW PUTS HER AT FAULT… We may have been growing apart as friends anyway and I may publicly say she was just distant and hypocritical about mental health and put more effort into dodging me and making my anxiety go off than she did into simply telling me she was busy, but when I think about it, that comment was the thing that broke the camel’s back. She wasn’t the same person I met 8 years ago, who would have been compassionate and understanding and nurturing, who used to open her home to me as an escape from my parents in high school when my mom was worse. She loves to hoist that in a ‘look at all I’ve done for you’ kind of way, not considering that I tried to give that back whenever and however I could. The stacks would just never have been even in her eyes. On some level she started believing I deserved what I endured as much as my mom did. So the girl I walked away from two weeks ago?

Originally posted by realitytvgifs

If you ever feel that all men make shitty boyfriends, just know that when my boyfriend and I had our first argument, he yelled at me very loudly. So I got super quiet, looked down and softly said “please don’t yell at me…I am like a little flower and my petals will fall off.” He had the most regretful and concerned look on his face. It’s been 9 months since that day and he has not raised his voice at me once

personally i find entire blogs devoted to collecting receipts on one person really…uncomfy no matter what side the person is on.

Unless the person is like, abusive and very popular I just don’t like it, esp if the person is mentally ill.

Calling out people is important, and having evidence. But blogs devotes to constantly looking at everything one person posts and attempting to find fault in all of it is, well, creepy.

Idk like, not to be dramatic, but if that happened to me I’d probably get so fucking paranoid and it’d trigger feelings of abusive in me cause I’d be scared to do ANYTHING. Just my opinion tho

Okay but like if there is a season 2 of Camp Camp can you imagine the finale being like the last day of camp? Like I feel like it’s been heavily hinted that Nikki’s parents are somewhat abusive, and we know nothing of Max’s personal life but??? I feel like secretly, Camp Campbell is the best thing that’s ever happened to him. And like just imagine the last day of camp and like he’s just breaking down bc no matter how much he talks shit about the camp he doesn’t actually want to leave. And so David just like has to comfort him and like the last line is like them looking at the sunset and David saying “There’s always next summer” and holy shit I’m getting feels over an episode that doesn’t even exist.

i never talk to you guys anymore so ill talk about what im sayin on all my social media

i started getting a migraine last night and those make me break down because theyre so bad and first i get like ,, that thing when you look into the sun and you lose vision but all over my vision for like 2 hours, then i get the most extreme and awful headache for about 3 hours, then i just throw up until i cant anymore and feel awful for a few days

so i took my prescribed migraine pills but it wasnt working for some reason so i took nyquil which usually knocks me out for 8 hours or so because i figured sleeping it off would help me but they mixed together really weird i guess

and i just?? okay i woke up an hour after i passed out right and my tongue was starting to go numb and my whole body was buzzing and i went to sleep after a half hourish and started waking up again like i woke up every hour and progressively felt more and more numb like

my face felt numb and my tongue and hands were numb but this most recent time im mostly better just very dizzy and disoriented and my tongues still kinda numb and i dont have a migraine anymore so im just slowly sleeping it off lol

its just weird that i keep waking up even with nyquil but i still wake up extremely sleepy? but yeah those are my ramblings

ive been skyping my boyfriend a Lot since we skyped for the first time and it makes me really happy because i love him a lot and i get to hear his lovely voice and im so gay oh my gosh and i used to get triggered by skype calls because of my biggest abuser and now theyre a coping mechanism and he makes me so happy

and since im off break i get to see my girlfriend at school and shes so pretty and talented and im love her god im so lucky

been tryna stay away from politics atm cuz even like hearing his name n seeing both of their faces just make me feel really nervous and physically uncomfortable? it’s literally like looking at people cheer for abusive manipulators/ criminals/ evil people and trust them to run a country.. anyway, i hope everyone is feeling ok and is safe and if you need someone to take your mind off things, hit me up i shall be on here x