i feel like this should somehow be referred back to spn

anonymous asked:

Hi Mittens! I love your writings and I think you have amazing insight for Supernatural! I just found a wikipedia page about "Watcher (angel)" (you can check it) and thought it's interesting, cause the title of the last ep of S12 being "All Along the Watchtower". Do you think its connected somehow? (sorry for my English, I hope you understand what I tried to say :) ).

Hi! “Watcher (angel)” anon again. I’ve forgotten to mention the Tower of Babel as a symbol of miscommunication? I mean humanity lost their unity because of it. Maybe a reverse-symbol of S12? Like: they have to destroy the Tower to be united again, to understand each other by speaking the same language again (miscommunication is a bitch)? Sorry, I seems to be obsessed with Watch-Towers lately :))).

Hi there! First off, your English is fine! No worries, I get you. We don’t have a Tower of Babel situation here. :)

The show has already really dealt with a concept of Watcher Angels, back in 10.20, with the Grigori. There’s several reasons I don’t believe they’re going to bring them up again, and most of them involve the fact that they’ve already picked out a ton of other lore surrounding the Watcher Angels and the Book of Enoch to use in other ways in Supernatural canon. Gadreel had originally been one of those Watcher Angels, after all, yet he filled a very different role in SPN. Not to mention these angels were believed to be responsible for siring the original Nephilim– yet now the nephilim we’re most concerned with is the child of Lucifer. But the Grigori themselves were considered to be followers of Lucifer originally, yet in SPN canon most (if not all, now that Tamiel is dead) of the Grigori are now dead.

If anything, I believe the title of the episode is a meta-statement on Bob Dylan’s original lyrics, which are loosely based on the Book of Isiah, in which a watchman relates the fall of Babylon at the hand of God. “And he saw a chariot with a couple of horsemen, a chariot of asses, and a chariot of camels; and he hearkened diligently with much heed./…And, behold, here cometh a chariot of men, with a couple of horsemen. And he answered and said, Babylon is fallen, is fallen, and all the graven images of her gods he hath broken unto the ground.”

The way Dylan structured the song played with the notion of time, storytelling, and defied expectation and the traditional “rules” of storytelling by telling the story in reverse order:

As with the third verse of “The Wicked Messenger”, which opens it up, and then the time schedule takes a jump and soon the song becomes wider… The same thing is true of the song “All Along the Watchtower”, which opens up in a slightly different way, in a stranger way, for we have the cycle of events working in a rather reverse order.

and:

“at the conclusion of the last verse, it is as if the song bizarrely begins at last, and as if the myth began again.”

Yet one critique of the song on a strictly surface level misses the deeper point entirely:

Dylan has a lot to answer for there, because after a while he discovered that he could get away with anything—he was Bob Dylan and people would take whatever he wrote on faith. So he could do something like ‘All Along the Watchtower,’ which is simply a mistake from the title on down: a watchtower is not a road or a wall, and you can’t go along it.

Basically go read that entire wikipedia article and substitute “Dabb” for “Dylan,” and s12 of Supernatural for this song, and it seems as if Dabb is taking a swipe at everyone who’s missed the entire point of s12.

And it gets one meta-level deeper when Dylan refers to the Jimi Hendrix cover version of his own song, because honestly Dabb’s s12 retelling of SPN is doing the same thing with the canon he inherited from Kripke, Gamble, and Carver:

Dylan has described his reaction to hearing Hendrix’s version: “It overwhelmed me, really. He had such talent, he could find things inside a song and vigorously develop them. He found things that other people wouldn’t think of finding in there. He probably improved upon it by the spaces he was using. I took license with the song from his version, actually, and continue to do it to this day.” In the booklet accompanying his Biograph album, Dylan said: “I liked Jimi Hendrix’s record of this and ever since he died I’ve been doing it that way… Strange how when I sing it, I always feel it’s a tribute to him in some kind of way.”

So honestly? I think that’s about as far as we can (and should!) read into the words themselves. Because the words themselves are just the misleading surface text in pretty much every possible meta-level way.

4

12x06 “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox”
The Romantic

This moment made me think of last season and the Valentine’s Day episode when Dean said that he can’t help but be “a hopeless romantic” to which Sa had only replied “You’ve got half of that right” And while Dean was being a little more self-deprecating and cheeky in that moment, it wasn’t the “hopeless” that Sam was referring to that was the half of that line that Dean got right. Because Dean is a romantic. He just is. He may not think of himself that way, but there’s not a doubt in my mind that he is. If he met the right person he’d be someone to hold the door for them, hell I think Dean would even be someone to stand in the kitchen for two hours cooking an amazing candle dinner. And it’s this vulnerability and softness that makes him such a lovable character.

So when this scene rolled around I have to admit I may have been a bit disappointed, because it felt to me like Dabb and Co. are dead set on having Dean revert back and undo all the growth he went through in the seasons prior and worse, may have forgotten the dialogue of the last episode of S11. Dean may like to watch other movies more than romantic comedies or love stories, but fact remains Dean has seen both “Ghost - Message from Sam”, and “Dirty Dancing” it seems multiple time, he also watched “Titanic” and “Black Swan” and yes, even “Dr. Sexy MD” in the widest sense to me counts as a drama show built on romance and love stories. Especially the Swayzee films clearly would be considered romantic movies and there is nothing Dean should feel weird about when admiting and saying he likes them - in fact the season 11 finale head on turned into text what the show has been implying and emphasizing in subtext too: That Dean likes chick flicks. And Sam knows so too. So while him mentioning the “japanese animated kind of rom com” only to mess with Dean and tease him, it somehow left a bitter taste in my mouth because it felt so wildly different to what Dabb himself established last season, because here it seems like Dean doesn’t like “chick flicks”, but merely just anime and porn and that’s just… I don’t think it adequately captures who Dean is at all . I mean, I can make sense ofDean maybe falling back a bit in the way that Mary’s return and her leaving again made Dean feel more insecure again and that affects his reactions, but still… while I liked this scene something about it just didn’t sit right with me…

Then again, the “rom com”_thing wasn’t really about Dean as much as what Dean thought he knew and would have expected of Jody - which ties in on the overarching theme of the episode - in which the stories told were revised. For Dean Jody is a “badass”, so it surprised him that someone as tough as Jody would have a soft spot for movies like this one. And of course her liking this kind of movie, a film labeled “chick flick”, has nothing to do with the fact that she’s a woman - even though she deadpans “well Dean I am a chick” (which kind of felt as if this truly registered with Dean for the first time there lol, because Jody is Jody and her gender is completely irrelevant to him/them, so…). And Dean, bb, you should  know that one should never “judge a book by it’s cover”, because you yourself are a badass and at the same time you’re  a sensitive person - these things aren’t mutually exclusive or make you a better or worse person. All it does is show that you’re having a soft spot and liking sweet and innocent, “always a happy ending”-kind of stuff at times. And hell, I guess all of us understand why: Because sometimes you just need to watch something where you know everything is going to be alright so we are able to forget about RL for a while, because more often than not that kind of “happy ending” seems just a little too far out of reach to actually touch.

2
Words: 3840
Cas x Reader
Warnings: none! Just fluff!
Requested by anonymous - Cas likes Y/N and is jealous of her relationship with the boys. They don’t realize at first, but when they do of course they have to use it…
A/N: So. adorable. Writing this gave me heart-eyes for Cas! Enjoy! Thanks for reading and for the request! I hope you like it.

Your name: submit What is this?

You yawned and padded into the kitchen, still wearing your sweatshirt and pajama pants. You made straight for the coffee pot. You had awoken to the delicious, roasty scent and the clang of pots and pans in the kitchen, signaling that Dean was up and cooking breakfast.

”Morning sleeping beauty,” Dean said as you breezed past him.

”Morning,” you returned sleepily, pouring yourself a steaming mug full of coffee.

Sam was sitting at the island with a big bowl of cereal and a full glass of orange juice. He gave you a warm smile. “So you finally did go to bed last night?”

You nodded over the rim of your mug. “Yup. Got a solid four hours.”

”Atta girl,” Dean said, his back still to you and Sam as he flipped the pancakes in the pan. “Hey, Y/N. Cas is coming by at some point today. He called earlier,” he said over his shoulder.

”Oh yeah? Good. It’ll be nice to see Cas,” you said, hoping it sounded casual. Your heart had this silly habit of skipping a beat whenever his name was mentioned. You sauntered over to Dean and tried to sneak a pancake off the plate nearby.

”Hey!” he smacked your hand with the spatula and gave you an admonishing look. “Go sit down! They’re almost done,” he said gruffly.

”Oww,” you said rubbing the back of your hand. “If that leaves a mark it’s coming back at you!” you told him.

”Don’t be such a baby,” Dean said, taking the pan off the heat.

”You’re a baby…” you said under your breath, still rubbing at the spot on the back of your hand. Just then there was a pounding at the door.

”That must be Cas. Sam, would you mind?” Dean asked, as he was busy carrying the full plate of pancakes over to the island.

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Crossfire - Chapter Seven

Author: somemaycallmesunshine
Pairing: Young John!Michael x Prophet!Reader
Reader Gender: Female
Word Count: 12k
Warnings: violence, blood, gore, anxiety attacks, angst, swearing, kidnapping, character deaths, a little hint of OC characters

A/N: Thank you all for your support, everyone. I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Not much Michael in this one but a heck of a lot of Balthazar and – wait for it –CLIFFHANGERS AHEAD! FYI, parts of the episodes are weaved in through the plot with some changes for the sake of the storyline. (Visions as well as internal thoughts are in italics)

Summary: Takes place during season 5. With the apocalypse at foot, Team Free Will and the reader are doing everything in their power to stop it. But when their plans take a wrong turn, the reader gets kidnapped by none other than their enemy, Michael the archangel,

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6


Y/N’s thoughts were interrupted when there was a knock at the door. “Y/N?”

“Come in.” She replied with a grin and Balthazar teleported himself into her room. If she was now friends with Michael, then she was really good friends with Balthazar. The French angel was hilarious and charismatic, not unlike Dean, but without the sadness and pain hidden behind it. Not to mention, she spent the most time around him so they got to know each other well.

Balthazar beamed, “Ah! You’ve changed. Perfect.”

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The Light Behind Your Eyes

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Summary: Based on The Light Behind Your Eyes, by My Chemical Romance

Warnings: Basically spoilers of all the deaths in the show, and just general feels, but with a happy ending

So long to all my friends
Every one of them met tragic ends
With every passing day
I’d be lying if I didn’t say
That I miss them all tonight

With a heavy heart, Dean sat down at the empty library table, in the empty library, in the empty bunker. The lore book in front of him was screaming to be read, reminding him of the imminent hunt, but he couldn’t bring himself to act like a hunter tonight. Just for one night, he was letting his emotions rule his head.
Glancing up, his gaze landed on the small framed photograph by the laptop. The frame was dusty, the glass cracked slightly from the night he’d thrown it across the room in his blind grief, but the photo within was still clear as the day it was taken.
At the front of the picture, Dean himself could be seen stretching to get in the picture whilst actually taking it, something he remembered to be no easy feat. On his right, Sam smiled softly. If you looked closely, it could be seen that he was smiling at his brother, not at the camera. But Dean wasn’t looking closely. His eyes were drawn to the girl on his left, resting her chin on his shoulder and grinning cheekily.
Dean couldn’t stop the tiny smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he remembered why (Y/N) had been grinning like that; she’d been tickling his sides relentlessly, making taking the photo even more difficult. The smile faded from Dean’s face as another memory of his girlfriend surfaced uncalled for. The image of her lying in a crumpled heap at the base of a wall presented itself, the blood trickling from the wound at the back of her head, and most of all from the deep stab wound in the middle of her chest. The way the light had gone off in her eyes had happened in almost an instant; one moment she was there, the next she was gone.
It had been the same for Sam. And Cas. And Charlie. And Kevin. And Bobby and Ellen and Jo, and everyone else whose blood was on Dean Winchester’s hands. All he wanted was for them to come back, just for one night, so that he could tell them he was sorry.

Be strong and hold my hand
Time, it comes for us
You’ll understand

He hadn’t been concentrating, it was as simple as that. One too many thoughts distracting him, a few too many angry vamps, and Dean Winchester was down.
As he lay on the cold hard floor of the warehouse he’d been so confident he had secure, Dean’s dying mind once again conjured up illusions of (Y/N). She was dressed in the shirt that she always used to take from him, her favourite jeans, a soft breeze ruffling her hair gently. His eyes shut briefly as he felt the same breeze caress his own face. When he opened his eyes again, she was much closer.
“Hey Dean,” she whispered. There was a soft glow coming her, as if she’d come from heaven itself.
“(Y/N),” he choked out, feeling blood bubble at the corner of his mouth. She knelt in front of him, stroking his cheek gently.
“It’s time for us to go, Dean,” she told him, a small smile gracing her lips. He frowned slightly; there was one thing missing from her. All the scars she’d collected on various hunts had vanished, leaving her with smooth flawless skin. She was more beautiful than ever, but somehow Dean found himself missing the scars. They’d been a part of her.
“I’m not coming back this time, am I?” he asked quietly. She shook her head, standing up and offering him her hand.
“There are so many of us waiting for you up there,” (Y/N) continued. “We’ve missed you.”
He struggled to his feet; the pain in his chest was fading, whether that was because he was too far gone to acknowledge it anymore or not, he wasn’t sure. With (Y/N)’s hand once more in his, he found himself not caring.
“I need to tell you something, before we go,” he said. His voice was steadier now. She smiled slightly.
Okay.”

If I could be with you tonight

He hesitated; he wasn’t really sure how to voice his thoughts. “I…I never would have let you come on that hunt, had I known how it would end,” he whispered, referring to the hunt that she had died on. “I should have protected you, I should have given you a life where you’d be safe and happy.”

I would sing you to sleep
Never let them take the light behind your eyes

She smiled sadly. “Dean, do you remember what happened when I died? You sang me to sleep. You said exactly what you’re saying now, and you held me in your arms and sang me to sleep. And I never felt safer or happier in all my life, than in those last few moments.”
His jaw fell open slightly, and his grip on her hand tightened. “I think I’m ready to go now,” he told her. She nodded, stepping towards him.
“Close your eyes,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around him. He buried his face in her neck, so caught up in the feeling of holding her again that he didn’t notice the change of scenery around them until a familiar voice spoke from behind him.
“Hey big brother.”
Dean pulled away from (Y/N)’s embrace, not daring to believe it as he turned around.
Sam stood just a few metres away from him, a small smile on his lips. On either side of him, familiar faces smiled and grinned at Dean. Charlie had her arm around a slightly awkward looking Cas, Kevin was stood between Bobby and Ellen, with Jo grinning as she leaned against the wall.
“Welcome home, Dean,” (Y/N) said quietly, smiling and going to stand beside Charlie. Dean felt tears welling in his eyes; all these people had died because of him.
“That is not true, Dean,” Cas said, frowning slightly. “None of us died because of you. We died for you, by choice.”
As the others nodded their agreement and moved to surround him in a hug, Dean felt freer than he had felt in years. Maybe he had been meant to die on that hunt, maybe it was good that he had.

Because when he was reunited with his family

Dean Winchester was saved.

Roommates Part 15 - Down memory lane.

The reader finally tells her story! And only now does the relationship of her and Dean really begin.

Read the other Parts here: Part 1,Part 2, Part 3,Part 4,Part 5, Part 6,Part 7,Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11,Part 12, Part 13, Part 14

I have to warn you though, this is going to be full of clichés, weird coincidences and all in all the flufflyest fluff in the world of fluff, paired with the occasional smut.

If that´s your thing, than have fun reading Room D103

When you arrive at college, everything is supposed to change. You want to become a new person, leave behind the things that happened to you in your hometown and try to make some new friends and fit in.
But what happens if you end up with a roommate, who is not only a guy, but also a handsome football player/most annoying jerk on the whole planet?

Tagging:@deanilostmyshoe,@luvspnandphan,@azaeleatheazurewolf,@imagineallthesupernatural,@strange-polish-lass,@princessxpineapple,@migirl323,@rainbowsandotps,@sammysupernatural,@sdavid09,@volleyball4ever8,@gabriels-trix,@kickasscas67,@shameless-danni, @okay-okay18,@winchester-clique,@angelsimpala, @chelseypaigeake, @dean-dream-team, @ign-is,@6phia, @tuesday-666, @16wiishes, @its2amsleep

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: none, fluff

Length: 1200 ish

Originally posted by lokiandthorblr

Enjoy!

“When I started Junior Year, I wasn´t exactly popular or anything. People don´t hated me either, they just didn´t know me.
I was always busy, doing gymnastics and dancing classes and never had much time for friends between that and school.
But two weeks into the schoolyear, I found out about cheerleader tryouts and if there was anything I wanted with all my heart, it was being on the squad.
You know back then, being on the squad or the football team, basically meant that you were a God.
And I usually would have never dared to even tryout but that day, I felt brave, and so I went and tried out and as you know, I´m rather good so I got on the squad and after that, everything changed.
I stopped eating my lunch alone with a book and got to sit at the popular table, the girls were kinda mean to everyone else, but me they seemed to love.
They referred to me as their “Cinderella Project”. They did everything they could to make we one of them.
I got a new hair color, new clothes, a new attitude, everything.
And by midterms, I had completely turned into one of them. I made fun of everyone who was different, I dropped my gym and my dance class to have more time for practice, I was one of them with every inch of my body.
And almost at the end of the year, I ended up going out with this guy, Todd.
He was a football player, as popular as I was and most important, the perfect match for someone like me.
I spent the most perfect summer with him and my other friends, we were at the lake everyday, laughed, partied, did everything we shouldn´t do.
My parents should have been completely mad, but I think at that time, they were just happy, that I finally found some friends.
When summer was almost over, I… I lost my virginity with Todd. And don´t get me wrong, I really wanted to, he forced me to nothing, but he … ended up filming it.
I didn´t know of course and when senior year started, I thought it was just going to be as awesome as the last one.
I had plans with Todd, to go to the same college and I felt like nothing could bring me down.
But only weeks into the new school year, everything changed:
When I entered the cafeteria that day, everyone was looking at me. I mean, I was used to that by now, but this time it felt different, weird.
I went up to my usual table and asked the other girls what was going on and I remember that everyone, really everyone, broke out into laughter at once and then one of them held their phone up and showed me the sextape that Todd had recorded without me knowing it.
I couldn´t believe it, I felt like I was drowning and I think that maybe, maybe I could have somehow gotten over that, if the girls would have stayed my friends, but when I tried to sit down, one of them said >What do you want, Slut?”< and that was it.
I went back to being nobody. But of course this time everybody knew who I was and everybody made fun of it.
When I told my parents, my dad sued Todd and he even got punished, but that couldn´t reinstate me and so I ended up being homeschooled for the rest of the year.”


When you had finished that sad and pathetic story, Dean said nothing. He just stared at you, looking as if he wanted to find Todd and punish him himself for doing what he did and you really appreciated that look.
“I had no idea”, he finally said and you nodded, wiping your eyes one more time, but they were finally dry.
After another short pause he shook his head: “That´s why you didn´t want to get on the team and now this happened because I forced you to try out.”
He sounded devastated and you shook your head: “You didn´t force me to do anything. I should have known better.
You just didn´t know how addictive this is. Being popular, not being the one who people make fun of. And now it´s the same all over again.”
Dean shook his head: “No, it won´t. I will make sure of that.”
“How?”, you asked exasperated and he shrugged: “I´ll find a way. I promise.”
Then he took your hand in his and you let him, not even sure why you did it: “That´s also the reason you immediately seemed to hate me and you have such a problem to trust me.
I symbolize that scumbag for you?”
If he phrased it like that, it just sounded shallow and stupid, but it was the truth so you nodded: “Yeah, kind of.”
Dean shook his head and looked really sad: “Do you really believe, that I would do something as incredible unforgivable as he did?”
No, you realized, no, you didn´t believe that.
“No”, you whispered.
“Well, then I now properly ask you the question I pretty much wanted to ask you right from the moment I saw you walking into that door: Would you go on a date with me?”
You started to smile: “Yes, yes I would love to.”
And then you leaned in to kiss him again, feeling surprisingly at ease for what was going on in your life right now.
“Thank you, Dean”, you said and he shook his head: “Thank you.”

Oh My Chuck

A/N: I did something. After watching 11x20 I had this idea in my head which is this story, just after the end of the episode. If you haven’t watched the episode: spoilers! The beginning of the fic is the end of the episode, but with a reader insert. This one was a bit scary to do…

Pairings: (current) Dean x reader, (past) Chuck x reader

Word count: around 2270

Warnings: spoilers of 11x20, an attempt to continue after the last episode, angst, fluff, slightly jealous Dean

(Not my gif, found it on google)

You could feel the fog coming in over you. This was it. This was going to be the end of you, all three of you. It didn’t matter. There was no way you were leaving the Winchesters behind.

Sam was on the floor, every dark feeling he had pouring out of him. Dean had a look of utter distress and sorrow on his face. Not only was this going to be the end, but he had to watch his brother relive every sense of hopelessness in the process. All you could do was cling to each other, and wait for this to finally be over.

Keep reading

Collide

Title: Collide

Warnings: Cussing, adult situations, au cliche’s, etc.

Characters: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: This is an AU, obviously, where Dean Winchester and the Reader are actors. They are both trying to make it in a tough industry when they are thrown together for publicity. Too bad they don’t get along. Dean Winchester, the reader will find out, has a lot more depth to him than it seems.

Tagging: @dancingalone21 @jotink78 @perpetualabsurdity  (if you want to be tagged and I missed you let me know.)

You hadn’t starting acting because you thought you were pretty or talented. In fact, you were shit at selling yourself in any situation, had a sailor’s mouth, and you were even more shit at socializing. You truly enjoyed the entire process of making films. You didn’t enjoy the publicity or attention and you tried to avoid that part of it as much as possible. Sure it was a heady feeling to have fans, and you appreciated it, but you surely didn’t think it was on the same level of creating world peace. The attention made you uncomfortable, but you did your best not to be a bumbling idiot whenever you were spoken to.

Keep reading

One Fine Day (Part 2)

The Darkness is gone. The Supernatural world is fairly peaceful. Dean Winchester should be relaxing and enjoying the quiet.

But he can’t. Not without Cas.

When Cas returns, things feel different between them. Dean has no idea just how much their lives are about to change. Cas, on the other hand, does- but how much is he willing to sacrifice to get everything he’s ever wanted?

Prequel Part 1

Keep reading

Taking the Horse to Water

Claire lets slip the fact that Cas can sense a person’s longing, which shocks and horrifies Dean.


“Better directions would have been beneficial,” Cas drawled as he bowed out of the passenger side of the Impala. Dean rose from the other side, Claire standing at the head of the hood in her typical mood of haughty petulance.

“I knew you’d find me,” she smiled. “I was thinking about you, so I figured it wouldn’t be too difficult.”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows.

“That’s no excuse,” Cas scolded.

“You said it yourself you could sense my ‘longing.’” She made air quotes with her fingers. “Why does it matter?”

“Wait, what?” Dean was confused.

“Because it’s one thing to know in what direction to head and quite another to navigate the streets that go there.” Cas didn’t look at Dean as he questioned, instead making a desperate attempt to breeze on past the subject. Unfortunately, governing conversation wasn’t one of his greatest strengths.

“Can’t you just fly around or something?”

“My wings are no longer functional, as you very well know.”

“Hold on, what’s this about 'longing?’”

“It’s nothing,” Cas finally looked to Dean. Because people who are lying don’t look others in the eyes, right? So he should make a blatant effort to stare at Dean.

“It’s something that Angel-Dad here uses to stalk me,” Claire rolled her eyes, completely oblivious to the tense expression Cas then threw her way. “I guess I don’t have to actually pray to get him to know where I am. If I’m even thinking about him or wanting to see him a little bit, he can find me.”

“You can?” Dean looked quickly to Cas, unsure what to make of this news. “Can you do that with everyone?”

“W-well…” Cas’s eye darted back and forth nervously. “Generally speaking, yes. If-if someone is thinking about me, or wants me around, it acts as a kind of indirect prayer.”

Dean’s lips tightened for a moment, as if he was processing this information, and Claire glanced between them curiously.

Keep reading

TippiTV Supernatural recap: 11-22 “We Happy Few”

Previously on Supernatural:

Amara wanted Chuck (aka God, her brother) to find her, but warded herself against him so he couldn’t find her.

We met a new prophet named Donatello.

Team Free Will rescued Lucifer from Amara and reintroduced him to his dad. You know, the guy he’s had a grudge against for a gajillion years because he locked him in Hell.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

What is the sex part? :) Also, would you terribly mind explaining what does Dean <i>know</i>, by this point? That Cas wishes to die without him? *I feel like it's a stupid question, and I apologize, I am extremely sleep-deprived though, so that's my excuse :) *

Hey, no problem - if you are sleep-deprived, that makes two of us - I quickly re-read that post (this post) before sharing it, and I had a feeling maybe it wasn’t clear, but I had a train to catch and I also don’t function with less than seven hours a night, so.

What I meant with ‘sex part’ is that I don’t know how much Dean understands about his own physical attraction to Cas. I mean, he’s got a lot of experience in the bedroom, but we know that emotionally, he’s a mess. That he loves way too quickly and gets burned every time. The fact that after years and years of silence and hard training he was so open with a girl he’d known for a couple of months - and that he still wanted a relationship with Cassie all those years later - really speaks volumes. Also, I may be wrong, but I don’t think Dean’s ever allowed himself to fall in love with a man, simply because it would have been way too complicated. And what he feels for Cas - Dean must know it’s sexual at this point, because we know how his body reacts around Cas, but I doubt the thing is clear inside his mind (”I love Cas and I want us to sleep in the same bed because of reasons.”), if only because nothing is clear inside his mind; and also, I’m somehow convinced he thinks that is something Cas doesn’t want. I mean, even leaving aside that whole ‘walking away’ thing - and we know that’s how Dean sees it, and we know he’s pissed about it, because we had this moment in the Claire and Alex episode, that little, “People walking away from me!” that, in that context, could refer only to Cas - but even leaving that aside, Dean doesn’t see Cas as a sexual being. He remembers Cas as someone who (unlike most other angels Dean has met) had never had a sexual experience, with anyone; someone who freaked out in a brothel, someone who was confused by the most basic porn after watching humanity for thousands of years (hell, after - vey likely - having seen Dean’s own memories of sex, because Cas did put Dean back together, and I want to think that implied seeing all of him). Someone who kissed Meg, perhaps, but very clearly didn’t understand what he was doing (and that never happened again - Meg was beyond frustrated after she finally quit her babysitting job). No, as far as Dean knows, Cas had some interest in sex only when he was human, and in both occasions (with April and with Nora) he was interested in women. So I believe that’s another reason Dean won’t acknowledge those feelings he has, not even to himself - because Cas simply doesn’t seem to care all that much. Cas would be happy with his own room in the Bunker and Sam’s Netflix stuff on loop, and all those other things that might be possible - kissing and cuddling and mindblowing sex on the kitchen table - are things Cas could maybe agree to, because he wants to please Dean, but not something he’d actually be interested in (or so Dean thinks - I disagree).

So this is what I meant - I think Dean knows, by now, that he loves Cas as deeply and unreservedly as he loves Sam (my personal headcanon is that he sort of realized that at the end of season six, but during this last season, the whole thing surely hit him like a goddamn truck), and he must also know, being a grownass man and all, that he wants to do stuff with Cas. But - those feelings are sort of - shoved aside, because there’s nothing Dean can do about them. He’s told Cas he considers him a brother and wants him around, and that’s as far as he’ll go until he’s sure Cas can, and wants to, reciprocate on a physical level. Because, well, I’m no expert, but I see two levels of sadness here - that inevitable Will this ruin our friendship thing we all feel when we have the misfortune of falling for a friend (when we sort of know it’s unrequited, and yet we’re so unhappy we’re still hoping telling them will change things for the better), and the more specific Pining for my straight friend so many gay men seem to go through, which is the same thing and yet also different, because we live in a fucked up society and a woman crushing on a guy friend or vice versa is allowed, or even inevitable (according to so many idiots), while a gay man crushing on a straight friend is the worst of all nightmares - it’s the Big Cock Predator secretly looking at you when you least suspect it (in the changing rooms, in the gym showers, even when you pee, ffs, ‘cause we all know what those people are like) and Lusting after your Virginal Body and dreaming about Ravishing you and making you his Bitch and bring on the soap jokes. So, no - I don’t think someone like Dean, who’s got the right mixture of abusive childhood, fearsome combat skills and profound emotional vulnerability, would ever put himself in that position (that of being perceived as a sexual threat by a straight friend, I mean).

So, well. I’d say we’re at an impasse, here, but I don’t resent it all that much because (unlike what happened a couple of times before) it actually makes narrative sense. Personally, I feel the next step should include a) a bit of emotional healing for all parties, b) Cas making clear he does enjoy the finer things humanity has to offer, c) Sam playing matchmaker, because God knows someone has to, and quite possible d) Dean being a bit more obvious with the words stuff and Cas being a bit more obvious with the gestures stuff.

(Sigh.)