When I was gone from Tumblr tbh I didnt look for any information about Nik . I dont know how long I wasnt active but a lot of things happened and I want to explain why I left and what’s my opinion on Nik now . So if you’re not interested in reading this just go away . The main reason why I left was because i started to feel guilty . People were making me feel like its my fault . Like I was responsible for what Nik did . I didn’t really care about what others say until then . I was getting better with my depression for some time and I stopped having panic attacks but then I got all that hate and somehow I felt even worse than before . It all got to me and I was taking things very personally even tho I didn’t show it . Actually I started to believe that it was my fault that I should have done something but I didn’t know him and I couldn’t stop him . I couldn’t help him in any way . I promise that If I knew him before I would have done anything to help him . We all would I would be there for him . I know that . So please understand that there was nothing I could do because I didn’t know him and it’s not my fault . The thing I said before that I can’t help him now I mean I can try and do my best but it’s not possible now . Just tell me what to do because I’m hopeless . About those anons who said that I don’t care about him . I do . I care about him so much not only about him but about the victims too . I didn’t forget about them too . Okay I have to admit that what Nik did was cruel and there were other ways to deal with his problems but how could he do that alone ? He was cutting himself no one did anything. He told things about killing people or himself no one cared or maybe they said that he did it for attention because that’s what they always do . No one cuts themselves for attention . They are saying that they want to help people with mental health problems but all they do is push them away or call them attention seekers . That picture of Nik where he is holding a gun to his head he looks hopeless and don’t tell me otherwise . Zach knew about it . I’m not saying that it’s his fault for not doing anything but why did he even said those things about Nik to media ? Why did he showed that picture ? I have to say I’m happy he did it because you know new Nik pics but I wish he didn’t do that just because of How Nik has to feel now . The next thing is that when Zach was talking to him after he got arrested he said that his demons got to him or something like that . He even mentioned it before. He wasn’t aware of how many people he killed because I think he didn’t even know what was he doing at that moment . He Said multiple times how he feels alone how he doesn’t have any friends or that he can’t trust people because they think that something’s wrong with him . I can’t even imagine how he had to feel . He had his life fucked up in every way you can think of . His life was not sad . It was purely tragic . And this is an example what loneliness does to people … I feel sorry for him because that’s just how I’m and with every new article about him I feel sorry even more . Hate me if you want . I don’t care now for real .
And the second most important thing why I left was because of health problems. I stopped eating again and I couldn’t sleep . I had nightmares about Nik almost every night . I just needed break from him . I don’t know why but it was hard for me to see his face .
Thanks for reading until the end❤