i feel like this is tumblr on the outside world

Damn, I am so sorry to the people (especially younger teens) on tumblr who think they might be asexual but are coming into themselves in the midst of all this discourse…. I know that when I started identifying as ace and tried to be open about it, I was met with suspicion, opposition, and even blatant anger in “real life”/offline (still am), yet the Tumblr community still made me feel welcome and helped me discover myself.

I feel like that kind of a space doesn’t exist anymore, and it’s sad and potentially damaging.

So, if you’re reading this and you’re trying to figure yourself out, keep going. It will be okay. Believe it or not, tumblr doesn’t mimic the outside world! I have never been excluded IRL by LGBT+ clubs at school, at the library, etc. And there are a lot more friendly, understanding people in the world than it seems.

Love that is Magic

I think that I’m falling in love with you,
With your words with your soul, With your heart of a muse.

Just beyond touch, just out of reach
A fairytale love, that no one can teach.

Like there are no words to describe
Like there are no feelings to hide
You can know everything,
All of the how what when where and why’s

A tenuous relationship, not built on much
Except honest feelings and hope - that invincible stuff.

You make me feel like I don’t even know how to describe
Like I hope to one day feel in every day un-particular life

Like real love is possible outside of story books,
Like magic exists in our world too.

-Me

For you

I would love to get to know you.
Yes, YOU.

Not just who you appear as in the great big world of Tumblr, but YOU. There’s so much more that lies below that surface of a profile photo and caption. That’s who you are, and its completely precious.

What is your name? No, not your Tumblr username. Your real name.

What’s your favourite food? (No, coffee does not count)

Do you have any hobbies? Yes, there is a world outside of Tumblr.

Please feel free to shoot me a message at any time! You’re not just a follower, but another human being just like myself.

I look forward to getting to know you better, friend! It’ll be fantastic!

• tied up/tired up •

the past few months have been tiring and i have, quite often, felt like i was tied up by my own feelings and thoughts. i still do, but a little bit less. this ink drawing was made during those weird days, when  i felt like i was tangled by my own senses and suffocated by the outside world.  the start of this year has been a little hectic but now i feel like i have a lot of things to look forward in 2017, and i hope you do too!

my art commissions are open, just email me to arumiillustration@gmail.com

youtubeinstagram

Hello.

The past few days have been trying, to say the least. 

Before I go any further though, I just wanted to say thank you to every single person who has messaged me words of encouragement, been so supportive of me and my writing, and who have reached out just to make sure I’m okay. I am, I promise.

I wanted to address a few things.

First of all, to that anonymous person, whose email I wrote down and have now committed to memory in case you ever find a way to contact me again (and who I think is also the person who was harassing me today pretending to be someone else), I really, really hope you find peace in your life. Somehow. 

I don’t know what I did to upset you so much, or what I did to make you angry, but you have things that you need to sort out in order to find some sort of happiness. Your flippant attitude and lashing out at me repeatedly over fanfiction tells me that something in your life is unfulfilling, and I hope you figure out what it is that you need to do so that you no longer find pleasure in other people’s misery and hurt. 

Also, if you would like to shed away your cowardice and contact me off anon so that I could kindly delete your request from my inbox, I would very much appreciate it. Because I do not want to write anything for you. Let me know which request was yours so that you can write it yourself and create the content that you wish to read, just like I did when I started this blog so many months ago.

Second, like I’ve said before, if people don’t like Raine, or Aurora, or any of the OC stories I’ve written from my one-shots to my longer stories, that’s okay. I can’t change people’s tastes to align with my storytelling. I’m proud of what I’ve written, and I loved writing it. Is We Intertwined the perfect story? No. Is it perfectly written? Of course not. Are there things that can be improved or expanded upon? Absolutely. And there are fair criticisms to be made, and those, I completely accept.

But there are just some things that this anon is just nitpicking at this point, especially when it comes to Raine’s appearance. The whole thing of her being “exotically beautiful”––when I created her, I imagined her as being Japanese with body modifications. And if you knew anything about the history of tattoos in Japan, irezumi are both spiritual and decorative. And for Raine, her tattoo definitely falls under the category of “spiritual”. And also, if you want to apply the term “exotic” to an Asian woman/person, that is problematic in a whole other way, with racist undertones that we will not discuss because we don’t have the time. 

You could say that Noctis falls under that category too. Pointed almond eyes––that are blue, no less––tragic backstory that propels him forward throughout the game. Look at Prompto’s story as well. He went to a facility full of clones that looked just like him, and he found out that he was basically created to be the enemy of his best friend.

As @themissimmortal​ mentioned in her post about Mary Sues / Gary Stus, each of the male characters in the game definitely falls under that category in terms of storytelling. They’re all representative of a particular archetype, and it’s evident in the Latin translations of their names. @flowersforone also mentioned that the idea of Mary Sues stems from internalized misogyny, in that we let male characters get away with the same things that we implement with female characters. And yet it’s the female characters that get the most criticism. I think that argument holds some merit in this situation.

Was writing We Intertwined somewhat self-indulgent? Of course it was. But it was also definitely self-indulgent when I wrote dozens of reader-insert smut stories, and no one ever complained about those. Why? Because you were able to project yourselves on those stories, and maybe Raine isn’t someone you connect with or feel like you can project yourself on. And I won’t apologize for that, or for giving her multiple facets to her personality, because real people aren’t so one-dimensional. If she had started off as a bitch in the beginning and then never grew or changed throughout the entire story, she wouldn’t be real. 

People experience trauma, build walls to block other people out, and have to deal with mental illness and PTSD and on top of that, learn how to love themselves as well as other people. Not to mention that We Intertwined is also a soulmate AU, which bends the laws of attraction just a little bit.

At the end of the day, if you don’t like something, don’t read it. No one is forcing you to. Criticism is fine and welcome. And I did my best to be kind to you when you were not so kind to me, and I’m extending that compassion again because I really feel like you need it right now. But just know that unless you are willing to have a conversation with me where you aren’t hiding behind a grey mask, and are willing to approach a discussion with mutual respect, I have no intention of entertaining you any further.

Best of luck to you. On here, in the real world outside of this fandom, and outside of Tumblr. I hope you’re able to grow past this phase of your life. Not everyone else will be as patient.

Borderline hypocrisy

Crossing the border:
quite literally I woke up, brushed my teeth, brushed my hair
put on my work clothes, tied my shoes, and stepped out into the world
the sheer exercise of opening my front door
and stepping out into the rest of the world
was enough to make me feel like I mattered more
as if breathing in air that wasn’t my recycled breath and dead skin cells
allowed me to breathe better, to see better, to hear things
outside of the buzz of the screen or the buzz of my own brain melting the inside of itself
You’re constantly crossing borders
figuratively and literally and sometimes some borders matter more
sometimes borders matter less
Sometimes people want to build walls to make the border seem more important but they don’t fucking matter. 
I can tell you this:
if you hate somebody for crossing a border, look down and
see where you stand.
Think back to any time when you crossed a piece land and
on the other side, you felt better
you felt like you mattered more
you felt period.

I am about to break.
The world is stained glass
and wrought iron
and I feel like I am trapped
under caramel, spun sugar. 
I can’t crack the shell. 
The crystalline candy is
a glass ceiling wrapped 
around my body like a shroud; 
I can’t break out of 
my skin. My skeleton
keeps pinching me back into myself. 
Why does my spine
pull me like this? Why does
it squeeze me so? 

In the silent silent silent 
honey-grey distance: three
open mouths. My open
mouth, out mouth, breathing
as one. The words don’t 
exist outside these breaths. 

I still can’t break free. 

4

MAGNIVIERTEL <3

oh braunschweig, oh germany, you’re so beautiful!
now that the next expat-adventure lies ahead of us (we’ll move to shanghai this fall ) i suddenly see the same-old-same-old with new eyes again.

just like back in the days when we moved back to braunschweig after three years in san francisco, i get the old-world-europe vibe everywhere I go.
and I`m awestruck by the rich history and centuries-old-culture.

to build new appreciation for the homecountry and culture and to see everything with fresh eyes is such an important part of the whole travel-to-expand-your-horizons thing, and i can feel it has already started.

so hyped to be exploring again! 
the outside and the inside =D

So I spent my Halloween ignoring Tumblr for fear of seeing sad Jily posts that would make me want to cry and instead brought Harry’s wand to the Wizarding World and cried outside of Hogwarts saying things like “THIS IS WHERE JAMES AND LILY MET AND FELL IN LOVE AND SPENT THE BEST YEARS OF THEIR LIVES AND NOW THEY’RE DEAD” boy am I glad I saved myself from the depressing world of Tumblr or I might’ve just been a mess

thinking about my time in insta fandom really makes me realize how much I fucking love tumblr like I know it’s a hellsite but the setup really does create a sense of community in a way no other platform can and this community that I’ve found on here has made me feel more like I have a place in the world than anything I’ve ever experienced outside of it tbh

Sometimes you are going to miss things in life. No special reason. And if you ever come across a time you have these kind of feelings. Call your mother, say you missed her. Tell her about something hilarious that happened. There’s no better feeling than being close to your mother. When you feel like you’re drowning in your thoughts. Write. Anything and everything that comes to your mind when you hold that pen. And when you feel like nothing in the world is making sense and you’re too tired to comprehend the outside world. Take a walk. Remind yourself how utterly beautiful the world is and its okay to be empty. And when the memories hover over you and swallow you. Let it be. It’s a good thing. Trust me. You will smile. You will feel sad. That’s okay. I promise. That only makes you strong. At least you will feel something.
He’s everything. He’s not what mother warns you about when she talks to you about boys. He’s the one you’d want to bring home, the one that could make the entire family fall in love with just a simple ‘hello’. He’s the one that you think of at 3pm when you’re busy, and the one you wanna talk to even when you’re mad at him. He’s the one with the messy hair, the beautiful eyes and the biggest smile. The one that does everything to make you happy, to make you his own. He’s the one that tries his hardest to prove to you that you’re worthy. No one would find any reason to dislike him. He’s the one that you consider home, the one that you want to hold onto when it’s cold outside or when you just need someone, when you need a soul. He’s the one that will make you feel like you’re on top of the world, and he’s the one that will make it all come crashing down as he walks out the door.
—  he’s everything

Hey everyone, lately I’ve been feeling like a lot of people on here are struggling with something right now. For those who are in school things are starting to get into full swing and there has been so much happening in the world right now. If you guys can’t get around to posting on your blog or coming on here all the time we all understand and there is no need to apologize. Everyone has lives outside of Tumblr and sometimes those lives are more important. It is nice to see everyone on here once in a while but it doesn’t have to be a daily thing if you can’t get around to it. I just thought everyone needed to hear this right now. If you guys ever need anyone to talk to or you just need to rant about something my door is always open and I would be happy to help:) I hope you guys know I love you!

Male guilt and the self-censorship of trans narratives.

Reposting a slightly extended version of my comment from this post because I felt it needed a post of it’s own.


I feel like there is - within a mostly Tumblr based trans social justice subculture - a strong tendency to focus on the basic truths about transmisogyny that the outside world keeps forgetting, and that’s GOOD.

But at the same time, the dogmatic way that is approached is putting a lid on some of the conversations we could be having about the complexities of gender and of gender or transrelated oppression.

Sometimes trans men and ‘afab’ (I hate that term) non-binary folk within this subculture are so busy being accountable to trans women and acknowledging their male privelege that they don’t take the time to talk about the complexities of gender or the harshness of their own oppression. They’re like the ‘white guilt’ people who never do anything useful because they’re too obsessed with apologizing for their privilege.

Just saying ‘what I experienced just now when that transphobe perved over me felt like sexism’ is treated like something controversial because trans men have bought into this strange black-and-white dogma where ‘if I say I experienced any sexism at all, that means I’m saying trans women don’t experience sexism’. Which is bullshit. Gender narratives about trans men and trans women are not mirrors. It just doesn’t work like that.

A lot of stuff goes unmentioned. So many people who fit under trans masculine labels are poor, homeless, have eating disorders, survived abuse. In the Netherlands, 45% of trans men and trans masculine folk are sexual violence survivors. Yet the macho guys don’t talk about that because it’s not masculine and the ‘social justice’ guys don’t talk about it because they’re so busy pointing out that trans women have it worse that they end up not saying anything about the lives of trans masculine folk at all.

And the non-binary folk end up just not talking about their experiences at all if they don’t fit the clear ‘all afabs always have male privilege, all amabs always face transmisogyny’ narrative

It’s a fucked up situation that is getting in the way of a more complex layered understanding of trans lives, in which we find ourselves in situations that are more complex than the binary ‘who has male privilege’ situation. I’m frustrated. I see all these conversations that we could be having but don’t because they don’t fit clear power binaries. 

Having an understanding of the difference between concepts like sexism, transphobia, transmisogyny and male privilege is so so important, but we need more space to talk about our experiences as we experience them without immediately having to defend where they fit within the binaries of power and privilege.

THE NEED

A dire night covers a sober tranquil sky
I hear the cars hit and run outside
The metropolis bleeding into my dreams
When I am running through that forest
When I feel your need for destruction
Eager inside my brain like a pounding drum

If you wait too soon, your opportunity
Will be gone, lost in the echo of ages
You’ll be controlled by the ancient sands
Forced to play your role in the character
Of the lost child, a pawn dead at the hands
Of the bloodlusty unkind king

I see the world through the red tints of your fantasy
When you saw the moon in your youth
With fascinated blustered eyes, so hopeful!
Hope has never left you, that I know
Because we stand like statues, aware
That our fates are hanging up above in the clouds

Seeing me fall to the histories again
Your hand tries to guide me back
But I’m too fixated upon destinies unknown
Because I’ve been alive for nearly two decades
But felt so much like the resigned body in the casket
Awaiting the final kiss of virtue in my sleep

Take a walk with me once more I implore you so!
To tread on firm footing past the cages
Ignoring the insomniac roads, where someone
Is afraid, driving on through endless songs
Needing to get home and lie in the bed
Head buried under the sands of the linen

Now let’s talk about the trivialities we adorn
In our little lives, shall we? Once more
You can ease me to your precious sleep
By bemoaning your enemies in this dark town
You could tell me what clothes you were
Thinking of buying before you pay the bills

Your hands are cold, I see. The fingers are long
Yet blue with the harsh feeling on a night like this
I’ll keep your shadow warm with my company
See these eyes of mine? They have betrayed
All I have seen. Empires torn by vain love
Worse still, the burden of a spirit dulled so

You’ll take me to your growing gardens yet
Where the artificial light outgrows
That from the sun we wait for now
Just watch me when I burn these words off
When my wings are less dirty after being
Dragged from the muddy banks below

yoonacorn  asked:

Hi! This is omurice from AoA and I was wondering if you could recommend some/any SanSan fic! I'm trying to find some good canon writing and having little luck shifting through all the AU (Sandor is a rock star, Sansa is in witness protection and such is not my cup of tea). Character-study, slow-burn, etc that stuff is my fav! Thanks in advance!

Hey there!  My apologies for taking so long to respond, but I’ve taken the time to compile you a list of some canon(ish) SanSan fics. 

Listed below the cut as this became longer than I originally expected. :) 

Keep reading