i feel like the most annoying person in the world with all there tags

anonymous asked:

What are some of the major differences between autism and ADD/ADHD? Stuff like impulse control, executive function issues, stimming etc are pretty common to both of them, and i know a good handful of autistic people (myself included) who got misdiagnosed as ADD/ADHD as a kid. And the fact that the two can be comorbid just makes it more confusing

eokay so first of all: i have both. so of course i cannot distinguish between both, because both are “me”. so i’m making the distinction by what i read more often in ADHD or autism contexts.

the things i’m listing are not diagnostic criteria, just things that i have seen talked about often. you might not relate to all of them even if you have ADHD / autism. additionally, having one or a few traits of something does not mean you definitely have it, but if you go “yes! that’s me!” at most or all of them, you might check the thing out more thoroughly.

there’s a summary at the end

things that are more ADHD and less autism:

impulsivity. i get an idea and then i immediately drop whatever i am doing (often quite literally) and do the other thing. for example: i am preparing a sandwidch. i am in the process of putting butter on the bread. then i think: i want tea. in that same second i drop the knife, on the floor, turn around to the water boiler and switch it on. then i realize that dropping the knife was probably not such a good idea because it’s dirty now. 

getting distracted. not by anything specifically, just.. anything. for example, i opened this ask and wanted to answer. then i got distracted for 15 minutes and forgot all about it until i accidentally opened this tab again. i described this in this slightly funny post: my general idea of functioning is getting distracted often enough so that i eventually come back to the thing i was originally doing.

constantly forgetting what you were just doing or thinking. this is pretty much what leads to both being easily distracted and impulsivity. it’s more than just forgetting. it is completely forgetting about the idea of a thing possibly occurring. you’re having an intense, captivating tumblr chat with someone and then you go to the bathroom and it is gone from your brain. you go bake some cookies, read a book, cut your hair, and when you come back to the computer it’s ohhhhh shit i was having a conversation until i suddenly disappeared… 3 hours ago.

being unable to sit still ever. it is more than just stimming. it is stimming 120% of the time. it is doing multiple stims at the same time always. i CAN not sit still. it does not happen. i am unable to not stim. 

hyperfocusing randomly. like what i am doing with this post right now. i started typing and then i got completely caught up on it and now i cannot stop and i forget the time and anything else i was going to do because this post is my world now and i. must. finish.

hyperactivity. i cannot describe this better than ALALAL ALALALA KLHADFUILSDHFJKUIEF!!!!!!!!!! LKSKSHALALALAL!!!!!!!!! it’s jumping around the room. running up the walls. sitting upside-down on your chair while screaming from laughter. spamming your twitter with 200 tweets that just say “CACTUS!!!!!!!!!! MOLAR TOOTH!!! CACTUS!!!!!!!” while laughing your ass off. 

losing every object. always. misplacing objects that you were actually using just now. pencils, headphones, jewellery, coffee cup, everything. where is my phone that i was using 20 seconds ago? i have no idea. 3 hours later i find it in the laundry basket. or on some door handle. losing ridiculously large objects that you cannot possibly lose and being unable to locate them for hours. objects that i have misplaced inside a 40 square meters apartment: laundry basket, mattress, chairs, tables, small oven, computer, and many others. you get the idea.

forgetting plans and appointments and everything really. i recently learned that some people can actually keep complex plans in their heads. a fellow autistic explained me that he can remember everything he needs to do and lie it down neatly in his mind. i don’t think every autistic is as good with that as he is, but most people have some sort of idea what their next big tasks are. i don’t. i don’t even know where i wrote them down. i also forget appointments because even if i remember that i have plans for wednesday, that does not automatically mean that i realize when wednesday is happening.

addiction to distraction and entertainment. boredom is torture, and i don’t mean that as an exaggeration. sitting in a waiting room drives you up the wall, sometimes quite literally. forgetting your phone is not just irritating and means you have to read the cereal box. no. you build a tower out of the cereal boxes and jump on the table. when the party is going slow you collect all the paper flyers and fold 100 airplanes and shred the rest of the flyers to pieces. not being able to concentrate without loud music in the background. 

things that are more autism and less ADHD:

sensory hypersensitivities. not just getting distracted or annoyed by bad sensory input, but actually getting hurt and deeply uncomfortable. not being able to even sit near someone with deodorant on. starting to cry whenever you get cold. ripping your shirt off because the tag was too scratchy. 

sensory hyposensitivities. not being able to feel the pain from scratches. not being able to enjoy music unless it is ridiculously loud drumming against your ears, while not being hard of hearing. only being able to calm down when something is pressing against your ribcage so hard you can hardly breathe. enjoying bright flickering lights right against your eyeballs. 

the bliss that stimming is. it is not just “something that feels pleasant”. it is something that makes you feel whole. it is something that puts you in a place where everything is good and right and the right stim fills you up with pure bliss. you soak it up like a sponge and you feel like you’re flying and it’s the best thing. it clears your mind and soothes your soul.

the overwhelm of sensory overload. you literally cannot function in a loud, crowded area. sensory overload makes you forget how to think. you immediately shut down or meltdown. you become helpless. you can not get yourself out of this situation safely. you get lost. you are unable to figure out a way to get out of the situation. you can get in real danger because of sensory overload if you do not have help or luck. 

auditory and visual processing difficulties. needing subtitles for every movie you watch, even though you are neither Deaf nor hard of hearing. constantly going “what? say that again? HUH?? i can’t hear you over that noise!” while everyone around you is conversing easily. being unable to decipher an image quickly. being unable to read maps or flowcharts.

trouble with verbal communication. you might be nonverbal sometimes or always. you might have problems saying the right words. you might rely on scripting heavily, that means you have fixed rules of what to say in which situations. you might be unable to react if your script stops working because someone says something unexpected. you might be unable to say what you mean because you cannot find words fast enough. you might say things that you do NOT mean because you have heard them somewhere so the words are more easily found. 

trouble with nonverbal communication. not being able to read tone of voice, facial impressions and allistic body language. constantly being misinterpreted because you make the “wrong” body language or facial impressions or tone. not being able to recognize irony and jokes because you can’t take the subtle hints that people give about them. not being able to interpret emojis and emoticons. not being able to recognize the difference between “hello”, “hello!” and “hello…”. coming off across as “rude”, “weird”, “scary” or something else that you are not. 

being unable to figure out social rules and conventions. why do you always have to answer “fine” to the question “how are you?”? why does a person think that i hate them just because i do not like talking to them? why do people think i like them just because i was talking to them? which people do you call by their first name and which by their last name? why do people laugh about me just because i hugged my teacher? nobody laughs when i hug my friend.

relying on sameness, rules, schedules and rituals. no, i cannot drink tea out of the coffee cup. it Does Not Work. i cannot sleep without my squishy pillow. i cannot wear my Outside clothes inside. when i make a plan, things have to go EXACTLY as planned or i melt down. i cry when i lose my favourite stim toy. it can also mean: having to do the same things every day at the same time. getting overwhelmed by changes. not being able to function in an unfamiliar schedule. not being able to do things out of order. not being able to sleep with the Wrong sheets. not being able to eat from red dishes. and many others.

things that are both autism and ADHD:

needing to fidget or stim. being unable to concentrate or calm down without moving or specific sensory input. not being able to function properly when not allowed to stim. shutting or melting down when not being able to stim. 

special interests or hyperfixations. “special interest” is the autism term and “hyperfixation” is the ADHD term. it means fixating on a certain subject so intensely that you can hardly think about anything else. some people learn subjects very deeply in a very short time. it means getting caught up in it. it’s what you think about in every second. like being in love, only with a subject instead of a person.

living in a fantasy world. retreating into a safe space to escape from a world that is not very kind to us. hyperfixating on a story or a fantasy world or dreamworld as an interest, either as a refuge or as a special interest or both.

trouble with socializing. being ridiculed for being “weird”. being unable to function well in social situations because of your specific disabilities. having a hard time maintaining friendships and other social relationships.

appearing eccentric. dressing and behaving in unusual ways. having unconventional interests and hobbies. being unable to connect with most other people, being the “different” person in most groups. having social positions such as the “class clown” or “the outcast” - entertaining everyone else or distancing yourself from everyone else. 

appearing childlike or younger than you are. never getting rid off childlike behaviours. stimming and fidgeting because you like it or because it helps. not caring about how you look. having hobbies and interests that are seen as “childish”. impulsive actions that appear childlike. behaviour that is seen as childlike.

executive dysfunction. being unable to do things even though you really want to do them. being unable to start tasks or switch tasks. being unable to recall what you know in an unfamiliar situation. being unable to figure out the steps necessary for completing a task. 

reactions to over- and understimulations. you might start to fidget or stim. you might try to get away or get angry or cry because things are too much or because there’s not enough stimulation. you might fall asleep in class because it’s too little stimulation. you might cry in class because it’s too much stimulation.

meltdowns / shutdowns. having reactions that are stronger than is deemed appropriate to negative things like adverse sensory input, emotional stress, etc. that means breaking down crying from small things, having rage fits over small things going wrong, or on the other side completely shutting down, flopping on the floor, freezing in place etc. in case of under- or overstimulation or emotional stress.

developing anxiety or depression. social or generalized anxiety as well as depression are common in people with ADHD and autistics because we often get bullied, our disabilities are often exploited to hurt us, and we may get excluded, ridiculed and hurt on a regular basis. we might despair because we never seem to fit in. we might overcompensate and overtax ourselves in order to appear “normal”. we might burn out as a result.

creativity and unconventional thinking. getting ideas that nobody else has. making connections nobody else would even think of. being good at finding similarities, patterns, and differences. 

daydreaming and spacing out. shutting down or simply daydreaming your way through situations that you cannot function in because of your specific disabilities. forgetting what you were doing and just dreaming away. getting lost in thoughts. dissociating from adverse sensory input. escaping from the reality that is hard to bear or just getting distracted. 

getting caught up in a task. hyperfocusing on a thing that you are doing or being unable to initiate the end of an action. being unable to interrupt your train of thought or action. being unable to switch tasks. 


summary

i don’t claim completeness for this list. so.

more ADHD than autism:

  • impulsivity
  • getting distracted
  • constantly forgetting what you were just doing or thinking
  • being unable to sit still ever
  • hyperfocusing randomly
  • hyperactivity
  • losing every object. always
  • forgetting plans and appointments and everything really
  • addiction to distraction and entertainment

more autism than ADHD:

  • sensory hypersensitivities
  • sensory hyposensitivities
  • the bliss that stimming is
  • the overwhelm of sensory overload
  • auditory and visual processing difficulties
  • trouble with verbal communication
  • trouble with nonverbal communication
  • being unable to figure out social rules and conventions
  • relying on sameness, rules, schedules and rituals

both autism and ADHD:

  • needing to fidget or stim
  • special interests or hyperfixations
  • living in a fantasy world
  • trouble with socializing
  • appearing eccentric
  • appearing childlike or younger than you are
  • executive dysfunction
  • reactions to over- and understimulations
  • meltdowns / shutdowns
  • developing anxiety or depression
  • creativity and unconventional thinking
  • daydreaming and spacing out
  • getting caught up in a task

so that got a lot more elaborate than i was planning… anyway. i hope it answers your question, anon

-lhmod

Cradled In Love

Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader

Words: 2217

Warnings: “Angst to fluff to smut”. NSFW gifs (you know me by now!!)

Anon asked “I’m on vacation with my so called family which is breaking apart at the moment and um it’s really hard to be here with them and I can’t really enjoy this vacay so is there a possibility if you could write a tom holland one shot to cheer me up maybe with angst and fluff and smut and beautiful words of yours.. I don’t want to be here with these people and I want to cry every second of the day.”

A/N: So this is my first non-Bucky/Sebastian fic. It’s special because the anon who asked is having a super bad day…I know how it gets when family is a bitch to deal with (trust me all my extended family are a bunch of assholes!!!!) Anyway, here you go and I hope I did him justice. SENDING HUGS AND KISSES YOUR WAY LOVELY PERSON.

Permanent Tag List: @meganlane84 @mizzzpink @bringmetheemobands @kimistry27 @fireandicewillsuffice @vacam79 @amrita31199 @badassbaker @feelmyroarrrr @aekr @sexy-sea-basss @isaxhorror @actual-bucky-barnes-trash @cassandras-musings @kimistry27 @mo320 @ssweet-empowerment

Keep reading

My Enemy’s Woman - Request

Requested by anon:  I would love to read your version of Moriarty becoming interested in the reader (either sexually or just typical Moriarty) and Sherlock gets upset and protective because she’s his girlfriend/fiancé/wife. Flirting, Innuendos, and everything that makes Moriarty the beautiful human that he is

Pairing: Sherlock x reader / Moriarty flirting with reader.

Word count: 1,132

Warning: Sexual innuendos.

A/N: Jim is such a complex character… Feedback is highly appreciated, guys!

Enjoy!

Originally posted by bethereinagiphy

Sherlock had never run faster in his whole life. Not even the pouring rain could stop him; no matter how much he slipped, he would get up and continue to run. The people around him would either move to the side, freeing the way, or be pushed by him. He had to get back to 221B.

The fear, the anxiety, the nerves got over him, taking over the bit of control he had of himself and his own emotions. His hands, forehead and armpits were sweating and his heart was beating faster – and no, it had nothing to do with his current running marathon – without mentioning the fact that he was looking paler than usual.

He was human, after all, and knowing that the one person who could get him to feel, to embrace his humanity, could be in mortal danger was more than enough for him to forget about everything else and act like a regular person would. If it had been someone else, except for John of course, he would’ve acted as chill as possible; but it was (Y/N) and there was no time to play-pretend when it came to her.

It was just one text message, a very simple and annoyed one that made him lose all control. She had sent it, or so it seemed, because Sherlock received it from her phone. It could’ve been a trap, or worse, but that didn’t matter because Sherlock would become even more reckless when she was involved.

If he exploded, if he got murdered, or trapped or kidnapped, it didn’t matter. As long as she was safe… he would go to the end of the world and sacrifice himself to the Gods if necessary.

His fear was such that his whole body turned off the physical sensations, and so he didn’t notice the muscular exhaustion that was caused by him crossing London by foot in less than ten minutes. He also didn’t feel the scrapes on his knees and elbows, as well as that little twist in his ankle. No, all he could focus on was saving (Y/N).

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Shared Pain || Bucky Barnes x Reader [[soulmate au]]

[prompt: soulmate au where you and your soulmate share each other’s pain]

i’ve found a loophole with my laptop and am able to type my stories in my email drafts ;w; it’s a pain to do it, but….it makes it hella easier for me to write without wearing out my thumbs and making typos.

there’s going to be two versions of this story/prompt with two different characters. the first one (this one) will be a bucky barnes x reader while the second one will be a peter parker x reader.

consider this a late birthday fic for bucky barnes as I try to get used to writing for him ;w;

that being said, lets delve into this first story shall we?

warnings: none

permanent tags: @psychicwitchphilosopher

**don’t repost/plagiarize this story. reblogs are fine**

——

You didn’t think you had a soulmate because you seldom felt any pain that didn’t originate from your own personal mishaps. If you did have a soulmate, then perhaps he was someone who wasn’t clumsy and had a high tolerance for pain.

But you highly doubted the existence of such a perfect being. After all, everyone could feel pain.

Keep reading

Comfortable?

Summery: Bucky being annoying can lead to fun times.

Triggers: oral, making out, 69, general smuttyness

Word Count; 1500+

A/N: I just needed to write some smut so here you go. (thank you @likochkah for helping me, I love you so much and I hope you did some revision)

Tagging: @bovaria @marvel-ash @marvelfanfichq @givebuckyhisplums2k16 @starstar1012 @fairy-frills @emilypkuzu  @annadier @buckystories  @shamvictoria11 @feelmyroarrrr @totheendofthelinepal @fvckingavengers @thelazyorange @creatorofwritings @callingmrsbarnes @whotheeffisbucky @palaiasaurus64 @likochkah @professional-fandoms @james-bionic-barnes @punktransparentdinosaur @janetgenea @amrita31199 @hello-sweetie-get-the-salt @blonde0n @complex-petrichor-iridescent @shitsxnxgiggles @captain-amelia-bradley @missrainbow15

Originally posted by ohhseby

‘I swear to God, James. One day I’m gonna be on the news for your murder’ Bucky had sat at your seat at the breakfast table again, after you had told him again and again that it was your seat.

‘Ohh harsh words from the short ass.’ You rolled your eyes at his attempt to hurt your feelings. ‘And don’t call me that’

‘What? James? Oh, James’ you continued saying his real name in different voice, mocking him. He retaliated by throwing daggers at you with his eyes.

‘I will be on the news for both your murders if you don’t stop’ Steve, who was reading a newspaper and had just finished his bowl of cereal, murmured at you. Loud enough for you to hear but quiet enough for you to listen.

Keep reading

Cherish  [ J.T ]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

Request: 118 and 119 with Jason Todd please Also you’re an amazing writer!!! I love your blog so much

Prompts: 

  • 118: “Are you mad at me?”
  • 119: “Stop ignoring me…”

From This Prompts List

Word Count: 1196

Warnings: ANGST and I kinda wrote Jay a little tiny bit out of character woops

Tagging: @speedypan @chuckennuggets1213 @alwaysinnarnia @just-a-girl-maybe

A/N: I had so much difficulty writing this up because lol this sucks Jason would never. Let me know if you want me to tag you in my works! Also, I really do appreciate feedback!

Masterlist

“Are you mad at me?”

“Of course I’m mad at you, Jason!” You sigh, slumping down onto the couch of the living room of your shared apartment, running a hand through your hair as you nervously avoid eye contact with your boyfriend. “I never see you anymore. If you’re not on patrol then you’re with her–you’re never home! Never here with me!”

“She’s only a friend, Y/N,” Jason frowns, softly taking a seat beside you with delicate movements. His large and calloused hand lands gently on your knee, fingers curving around the bend of your leg. “I promise.”

You don’t say anything, your eyes trained on the coffee table placed in front of the two of you. It had been longer than you’d liked to admit before you had snapped and yelled at him. In an almost childish move of anger and heartache you had decided to give your best shot at annoying the heck out of Jason by giving him what you hoped would be one of your most stubborn silent treatments.

Minutes pass as you sit in silence, your eyes unmoving from the table as you tried your hardest not to cave in. The man you loved sat beside you, patiently waiting for you to say anything that would reassure him of your love for him. But it didn’t come.

Your eyes water as you remember all the times you had fallen asleep alone. All the times you had woken up without the warmth of Jason’s body curled around yours like you had done so many times weeks before. You hardly remembered the last time you had kissed. You remember the sleepless nights, staying awake as you waited for Jason to come home only to fall asleep and wake up to a vacant apartment.

You remembered the moment Jason had introduced you to his friend. She was beautiful and you hadn’t failed to notice so. You remembered the way she looked at your boyfriend, her gaze longing and filled with almost as much love for him as yours. The girl was the sister of one of Jason’s closer allies and he had been tasked as help to make sure she stayed safe for the first few weeks of her new life in Gotham City. You remembered how you had happily welcomed the thought of Jason helping her settle down.

Your heart ached as you realised that it had almost been two weeks since she moved here. There was no need for Jason to be spending so much time with her. You could only think of one possible reason.

“Stop ignoring me…”

You run your palms over your face, blinking away tears that threatened to fall. Ignoring the pounding of your heart in your chest and the feeling that you were going to spill your insides out, you take a deep breath.
“Just friends?” You ask, your heart breaking as he nods with a blank expression. You almost wince at the lie.

Jason hated this. He knew it was only his fault that he had found himself in this situation. It wasn’t like he wanted to hurt you because he really didn’t. A gut wrenching feeling stirred in the pit of his stomach as he cursed at his luck. Of course, just as he broke off whatever had been happening between him and this girl, his relationship with you would come crumbling down on him. It was almost as if he could hear your heart snap.

It tore him apart to think of all the wasted hours that he had spent with her when he could have spent them with you instead. He was so caught up in her that he failed to realise just how much he missed you. Just how much he needed you in his arms.

Jason was too caught up in the idea of her beauty and charm that he had forgotten that he had the most beautiful and most charming person in his world waiting for him to come back home.

“That’s not what Artemis told me, Jason,” Your eyes finally meet his. He noticeably flinches under your gaze. Jason could see the pain and heartache he had put you through. “She told me that the two of you were pretty damn close.”

“Y/N, I need you to listen-”

“No. Jason, I wasted so much time waiting for you to come around. I wasted so much time so that I could give you a chance.” You let your tears fall, the wet substance tasting salty on your lips. “I can’t do this anymore, Jay. I’m tired–I’m so exhausted and I-and I tried so hard to keep moving forward with us but I can’t anymore.”

“Please, Y/N,” Jason’s hands move to take yours into his, his own eyes watering as the scalding words fall from your lips. He wasn’t going to give up. “I-I made a mistake. And dammit, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry, baby.”

“I thought about us, Jason. You–you obviously don’t love me anymore and she-she’s obviously got your heart the way that I once had it.” You let out a quiet sob as you watch him shake his head, tears staining his cheeks as he gazed at you with agonizing eyes. “She must have been able to give you so much more than I could.”

“No. No, don’t say that,” Jason runs a hand through his hair, his blood running cold with fear of the consequences of his mistakes. “I love you and I always will. How could–”

“Her hair is longer. Her eyes are prettier. Her teeth are straighter. Her skin is clearer. Her laugh is cuter. If I were you, I wouldn’t choose me either.”

Jason purses his lips as he pulls you into his chest, his tears falling onto your hair as he cried. He was sure you could hear the cracks forming in his heart, your ear pressed against the positioning of his heart. He scolds himself silently for letting you come to think like this. The amount of pain that had laced your voice was enough to make him want to curl up under the sheets of your shared bed with you held tightly in his arms until the both of you grow old.

“Y/N,” Jason almost hiccups. “You’re so much more than she’ll ever be to me. Yes, she was stunning. Yes, she was beautiful. But she could never compare to you. God, Y/N, I’m so sorry I didn’t realise sooner because dammit we were so perfect before I-before I fucked up so badly.”

He lets your tears fall onto his chest, your arms wrapping around him as you curled into him. Jason’s hands hold you tightly, his strong arms pulling you as close to him as possible. Jason was going to make sure you never felt this way again. He wanted you to be the happiest you had ever been with him and this was finally the moment he had realised just how much he needed to cherish you. Jason wouldn’t ever let you fall asleep alone again and he would make sure that he was by your side every morning that you would wake.

last call (for now) for the trans portrait gallery!

my name is eli, and for the past six months i’ve been working on a project called the “trans portrait gallery.” essentially, i am drawing portraits of a wide range of trans people and compiling their stories to display in an online and easily accessible gallery.

 i love art and i wanted to blend my love of it with activism, so the project aims to create a sense of empathy and humanization for the trans experience through visual stimuli, and to provide a visual contrast to the fact that trans people, most often trans women, are portrayed as a caricature or the butt of a joke. i also want to show that we come from every background and situation– country, age, race, socioeconomic class, religion, sexual orientation, ability, etc.– and explore how these factors interact with our lives and our gender identities.

the response to this project so far has been amazing, and i’ve felt so honored to draw everyone’s portraits and be privy to their stories. i’m hoping to have the first iteration of the website up in the next few weeks! however, i’d still like to have more portraits, and in an effort to streamline the process, i’m sending out one last call:

if you’re transgender or nonbinary and willing to have your portrait drawn and posted on the trans portrait gallery, along with excerpts from answers to a few interview questions, i am going to be using the tag #transportraitgallery to draw the last round of portraits! 

here’s how you can go about this:

1. take a straight-on photo of your face

2. answer the following questions. you can be as concise or as longform as you want!

  • How has being transgender/nonbinary interacted with or impacted other facets of your identity (e.g. race, religion, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, etc.)?
  • What have some of your negative experiences related to being transgender/nonbinary been?
  • What have some of your positive experiences related to being transgender/nonbinary been?
  • If you could tell every cisgender person in the world one thing about trans people/the trans experience, what would it be? (You can have more than one answer.)
  • If you could have a phone conversation with your younger self (whatever age(s) you’d like), what would you say to them?
  • What has your experience with your family been like?
  • What else about being transgender/nonbinary would you like to write about?

3. post your photo and responses to the tag “#transportraitgallery” on tumblr! if you feel uncomfortable sharing your photo/responses on your blog, you can also submit your photo/responses to me at genderists.tumblr.com/submit

if i decide to draw your portrait, i will reach out to you to double-check that you’re all right with it. additionally, if you have any questions, feel free to send me a message.

thank you so much for working with me throughout all of this! it would be excellent if people, cis or trans alike, could reblog this to get the word out.

–eli (genderists)

anonymous asked:

leela that liveshow was. a lot. so cute. Dan talking about love made me 👀

it was definitely a lot oh my god. one of my favorites in a long time and a real treasure trove of open stories, asides, opinions, and general insights into his mind, his opinions on work, his life, and of course, yes, his thoughts on love. i almost wondered if he was a little bit tipsy from the sushi dinner he mentioned going on since he’s always sort of told us that he’s pretty sensitive to wine (he was tipsy while editing that sims video when he left the flipside christmas party in december and he’d only had one glass of wine?) because honestly there was so much rambling and vulnerability in this that i wasn’t prepared for. uhhh, brace yourselves bc this is like,, the longest shit i’ve written about them in ages. i can always count on a dan live show to bring out my inner desires to write an actual novel haha

INSIGHTS ABOUT HIMSELF

the meditation bit. that was so lovely on so many levels. to know that he’s tried meditating is one thing. to watch him try to walk us through some of the fundamental tenets of a meditative mindset was another. it was so fascinating to me to hear him confirm the way in which he feels plagued by the onslaught of noise in his life, and crucially, for him, that’s all online noise—he kept talking about imaginary conversations, how all of our communication is text on the internet, and that he ingests so many of those voices constantly and always feels their presence. even though that is a generalizable thing that all of us suffer from, to an extent, in a world where we’re so digitally connected, it’s staggering to think about the scale on which he has to deal with all of the white noise and that all of it is both distressing to him and also inescapable in that it’s the foundation of his career. i just see dan as being someone who is so internally conflicted about so many things and that includes, most centrally, the role of the internet and his presence on it, and it doesn’t take much reaching to understand why he must love and hate it in equal measure.

the hydration campaign. y’all i’ve been trying to track every stay hydrated mention since the one in pinof 8 when they literally made like a psa, with no explanation or context, about the importance of water and staying hydrated and just stuck it in the middle of that vid. i’ve lost track though bc they’ve worked it into nearly every video they’ve made since then and i WANT TO KNOW WHAT ITS ABOUT. i am adamant that it’s an inside joke of some sort. i don’t think they actually give a fuck how much water we drink lol. so today when dan was like “i need to find a way to work that into the next video .. .might already be in it,” and then at the end when he said he needs to leave to go “get hydrated,” i was living bc it was the most open confirmation yet that this is something they’re so intentionally doing and working into their vids. idk if it’s just a funny thing but … my instinct is that it has some sort of deeper meaning that only they know and i’m ANNOYED THEYRE ALLOWED TO RUB THESE JOKES RIGHT IN OUR FACES UGH. jk they can carry on w their married behavior but. i want it all to lead to some sort of announcement that they’re starting a joint bottled water business at the very least. or maybe its just a euphemism for sex. who knows. ugh

dan acknowledging his pretentiousness about music is all i’ve ever wanted. it’s so funny to me how just his self-awareness that he is very pretentious and particular about his tastes is all i needed to forgive him for all of it because what pissed me off more than anything ever about dan’s approach to talking about music were his flimsy attempts at trying to act like he was so accepting and tolerant of all people’s music tastes and that he’s some sort of diplomatic saint who respects and celebrates everyone’s preferences bc … literally no he fucking doesn’t he has never even tried to make it convincing hahah. so him just outright apologizing for it today in his usual self-deprecating fashion was like the funniest, best thing to me bc god at least he knows and realizes and like maybe now he can actually work on talking about music in the deeper and complex ways that he so clearly wants to. also as a music snob in my own right i feel him on this and i’ve always just found it way easier to preface every conversation w the clear statement that these r just my own standards and i’m a douche and i’m never actually trying to disrespect anyone who might like different things than me. anyway, i love dan

INSIGHTS ABOUT WORK & LIFE

i suspected and even posted about the fact that unexpected things might have happened this week that caused phil to be delayed in posting his video and dan to be all but silent on twitter for several days. i speculated dan may not have been in a good place this week based on his silence and also the way he seemed to teeter on the brink of quite overt negativity during last week’s live show. to me, today’s live show seemed fully in the throes of that negative headspace. there was a resurgence of bleak little comments about how he’s tired (of living), how he looks like a rat and doesn’t want to be reminded about the reality of his existence, how his life is a joke, how he can’t comprehend that anyone could draw inspiration from his videos or that his stories could brighten people’s days, etc. etc. all said as casual asides and mostly followed by little laughs as is his norm, but it was very reminiscent to me of the time in early january around his 2016 memes video and his first couple live shows of the year where he talked so frequently about craving death and feeling anxious and judging his own work output too harshly, and the constant pressure of scrutiny from his audience. i don’t think this live show was as bad as all of that but it’s clear that things might be a bit difficult right now and dan confirmed that himself when he stated that it’s been a challenging week in ways he can’t talk about with us yet. i was so interested to hear him say we could ask him about it in like five months though. literally,,, i put it in my calendar for august because i’m just so curious. we have almost no hints to go off of in terms of speculating about what it could be, but to me the fact that we would be able to ask him five months from now seems to suggest that it’s not personal (i jokingly wrote in tags that he and phil had gotten in a tiff this week lol) bc if it was he wouldn’t mention it at all i don’t think and definitely at the very least wouldn’t have given us such a specific timeframe about when we could ask about it. it’s likely work-related bc of that timeframe: a new project of some sort that will be out later this year, for which perhaps several planning meetings or deadlines had to happen/be met this week? it’s hard to say why that would put dan in such a negative headspace but he’s said before that he gets that way when he’s sleep deprived and he did just seem very very tired beneath everything. … also possible it could be about moving? maybe house hunting was very stressful and didn’t go to plan. late summer (five months from now) would be a fitting time for them to have made their move, and really it’s the only other possible thing i can think of with a timeframe that dan would specifically tell us. in any case,,, mark your cals for august y’all bc i actually can’t wait to hear more insights about this week even if we have to wait months for them.

that being said, the new dinof video is coming tmrw or the day after and he was still pretty vague about what it will be about. as i spelled out in completely unnecessary detail after last week’s live show i believe he was going to make the video about dropping the dinof user name but then changed his mind (this is the video he referenced today when he said “i was going to make a video but then decided it should be the next one” before going on like a 3-min rant about how sometimes he just feels the timing isn’t right to post a particular video.) so that leaves the field wide open for what this next vid could be. the only other hint we got was that it could be kink-related because the premium he opened that said “kinkshame me daddy” prompted him to say “well you’ll like my next vid,” but then he quickly walked it back as though to dispel anyone’s expectations that it would be kink-related? it was all a bit confusing. on that subject he did note down the idea of doing a video about going to the dentist back in a february live show, so there’s a high possibility to me that it could be about that since it’s like sort of (maybe jokingly) a kink for him, but he wouldn’t want to tease something that’s mostly NOT about kinks by saying it’s kink-related, hence his rapid back-tracking. but like. tbh who knows … dan is confusing and could pull something totally out of left field behind all of this quibbling. i mostly ardently agree with the way he told us to feel about it, which is to have literally no expectations or theories about what it could be hahah … best advice he’s ever given tbh

confirmation that he and phil will attend playlist this year, and a sort of allusion to the traditional lester clan april holiday in florida. probably means that he will join them again this year. it was kind of nice to hear him basically walk us through how all of their decisions about conventions and travel are made jointly, even months and months into the future, and to have no qualms with sharing that. he also just kept reiterating vaguely that they might have plans at various points of the year and idk about y’all but i feel like he’s trying his hardest to let us know that those plans involve each other and probs always will. could be work things (the same project that may have caused them stress this week), could, as he said in his own words back in january, be “life things.” could be both. but regardless, the plans are always danandphil things, both of them together, and i’m not sure how there is still a strain of people that insists on arguing that a moving apart or separation is on the horizon for this year. all of that is summed up in this one amazing exchange for me, when someone in the chat asks, “are you excited for australia again?” and he answers, “yeah, we are.”

i also really dug the insight about how he likes to structure his work in such a way that he’s working for three weeks straight with no days off and then takes a whole week to lose himself in a game. it’s very dan to be so all or nothing about the way that he works and to become consumed so completely by whatever’s at hand (whether it’s work or leisure) and although i might’ve suspected that that’s how he operates i don’t think we’ve ever heard him lay it out that clearly

INSIGHTS ABOUT PHIL & LOVE

that he opened this live stream with such an earnest celebration of phil (thanking him, literally, for existing and making videos even though it was technically a misspeak) was so lovely and not what i expected but it set a nice tone for the start of this stream. the bants-y way in which he acknowledge the subscriber gap was also a tiny bit noteworthy to me, especially in light of that ask i answered recently about how they must approach the subscriber gap. i argued it def isn’t something they are sensitive about and probs isn’t something they joke about either, but dan sort of showed that he might approach it w humor if the situation calls for it rather than ignore it altogether. interesting. he’s clearly so proud of phil and was a little flustered in talking about how exciting the milestone was. and then, relatedly, so so animated and excited about “promo-ing (awkward pause and sidelong glance) his pal” and the gym video. i fucking loved hearing his version of the story and how surprisingly soft and tender he sounded when he was describing phil on the phone asking for an exercise plan (like, his tone was verging on adoring there) and then the way he looked when he got back. the way that dan says “what happened?” when he’s recounting how he talked to phil after he got home literally set my heart aflutter bc it was sooooooooo concerned-sounding even in a re-enactment, even in front of thousands of people, so i can’t even imagine how worried he must have genuinely been in that moment. the thing w videos is that they allow these real-life stories that happen to dnp to take on a sort of surreal almost fictional feel bc of the storytelling dnp employ—videos have like a real narrative arc and they’re packaged to be entertaining so in some ways it’s easy to forget that this is actually a true thing that happened. phil lester went to the gym and threw up twice from over-exertion and came home in half the time he was supposed to be gone and dan, the worried partner, was there to receive him when he did. and then, of course, to get super angry on his behalf and tell us about it later. i was literally rejoicing to hear dan be so honest about his emotional reaction to this happening to phil bc it might be something he would have usually phrased another way (‘can u believe phil asked for this one thing and got this other thing instead what is wrong with people this is why we don’t go outside’) instead of literally just stating his emotion so bluntly (‘i was actually like really mad … like honestly i was so angry when he told me.’) that difference in communicating how he feels is so hugely important to me and it’s what gave the story so much dimension,, i could literally picture dan and his instinct towards protectiveness that we’ve seen time and time and time again when it comes to phil, just full of irritation, disbelief, and actual anger in that moment and he had no problem with telling us that was what happened. i nearly thought that when he said he couldn’t go to that gym bc he didn’t want to see kyle/leon, that he was saying any real-life encounter with him would end in dan giving kyle/leon an angry speech about his lack of professionalism and total ineptitude at his job. i totally believe that it would.

the other part of dan’s reaction that i feel is worth noting is the way that he immediately said to phil that he needs to learn to be more assertive in a knowing tone as though it’s something they discuss often and, to be honest, it IS something that has come up before over and over in the way that dan portrays phil. that he’s too “polite” to call people out if they’re abusing him online, that he believes in things like etiquette and courtesy, that his personality is adorable and, in not so many words, soft. we even have seen him describe it in certain specific real life scenarios. an example that comes to mind is when they were doing the joint live show in november last year and dan wanted to talk about the sound guy who fucked up his mic at dapgoose LA, subsequently causing him to loose his voice for the boncas. dan clearly wanted to go off about how incapable the sound guy had been but asks phil for permission basically, and phil tempers dan’s response a lot and recounts the situation diplomatically. a random example that also comes to mind from ages ago is in dan’s what not to do at the cinema video from 2012 where he talks about a scenario when he and phil go out to see a movie and he, dan, is assertive enough to both 1. ask for people to completely get up and move if they’re sitting in his and phil’s seats, and, 2. shush them if they’re being too loud. he even acts out phil saying “oh my god you did not just do that, i don’t know you,” and trying to hide. i feel like this is a difference between them that’s sometimes under-discussed  or noticed because the main focus is always on their anxieties and insecurities and general distaste for human interaction. people also focus on phil making small talk with people in social settings and take that to mean that he is more confident and calm. but i earnestly believe that he is more reserved than dan in many ways and that includes in facing negative or stressful situations and dan, despite his own set of anxieties, has always been much more able and willing to demand and ask for what he feels he (or phil) deserves.

obvi the thing everyone wants to talk about (and i’m right there with y’all) is dan’s truly surprising decision to entertain a question about love and then give a definition of it. after a bit of waffling and dithering about whether it is or isn’t a social construct he seems to insist that it is a real feeling and defines it as “the fear of that person not being there mixed with sexual attraction.” super interesting to me because he seems to totally approach this question from his own perspective and experience which is why in the moment he seems to suggest that you need to experience sexual attraction in order to love people (and where does that leave people on the ace spectrum?) and, moreover, that love is definitely a feeling people feel (and where does that leave aromantic people?) he definitely interprets the question to be about romantic love rather than talking about something perhaps “safer” for his usual topics such as platonic love or familial love and it’s for that reason that i definitely think he was trying to say that this is what love means to him and in his own experience because i don’t think he would be so cavalier about conflating romantic and sexual attraction and implying that asexuality and romantic attraction cannot coexist in one person if he had had time to think about this answer rather than spontaneously deciding to answer it on the spot.

but that he’s speaking from his own experience obviously makes his answer profoundly interesting because he settles on, coincidentally or perhaps not, one of the only ways of expressing affection for phil by proxy that he’s ever been okay with sharing with us, which is that he needs phil around bc he can’t bear to be alone. this combined with the protectiveness/defensiveness he exhibits for phil pretty consistently, as well as the occasional recognition of phil’s creativity, are pretty much the full spectrum of ways in which dan ever talks about what he feels for phil in a public setting. it was so strangely emotional for me to hear him confirm that his fear of being alone and being without this hypothetical “love” is so fundamental to the experience of love for him that it becomes a big part of the way he defines it. i mean people make fun of dan’s neediness all the time in so many ways but he straight out confirms here that the feeling of needing your partner near you at all times and staving off the genuinely frightening prospect of the anxiety of being alone are so central to what he takes the experience of love to mean. and that’s true for both of them i feel because as “needy” as dan is, phil is just as attached, chooses to spend all of these moments with dan, chooses to call dan up on stage when he wins solo awards, chooses to travel and socialize and create and live with dan next to him always. the concerning degrees of codependency they exhibit are such common topics of conversation amongst us as outside observers that it’s very nearly startling to hear dan basically say that, yes, this dependency on this other person, this feeling of paralysis when they’re not there, that’s what love is to him, fundamentally. it’s the awareness that your life would be empty without them around. that is … concerning honestly, and as always i have some burning questions about how they make such an unhealthy level of codependency work but like. they do. they so clearly do. they have for so long and they show signs every day of only growing stronger and happier in their partnership, if that’s even possible.

then there’s the sexual attraction bit which like, sure. obvi.

i also thought it was immensely noteworthy that when he read out “some people never find love” from one of the chat comments he didn’t even try a little bit to make it relatable and crack some joke about being forever alone or even just a cheeky little “same.” like just, generally speaking, he approached this whole topic very much with the tone of 1. someone who has definitely experienced the emotion of love, 2. someone who is then trying to articulate the emotion of love as he experiences it, and 3. someone who still feels that emotion and is in proximity to that person to whom it is directed. there were no attempts at trying to say he can’t relate or that he doesn’t know (or to apply it to FOOD which he has said on countless occasions is the number one love of his life,) and if anything he got quite flustered and even red around his ears and cheeks by the end of the whole ramble. flustered but not actually uncomfortable, at least in my assessment. it was really so, so lovely and incredibly insightful. not a topic i ever ever thought i’d hear him venture into and certainly not in a live stream and certainly not in that much depth. to me the whole topic played out almost as though he couldn’t let some overly analytical smartass in the chat reduce this emotion that clearly means so much to him into a mere social construct or even a release of hormones (oxytocin). he needed to push back and play devil’s advocate, but instead of doing that in a contemplative philosophical way he somewhat accidentally got super personal with it and this ramble and completely rare look into dan’s experience w this particularly touchy emotion is what we got. it reminds me a lot of the vyou he answered back in 2012 about whether he believes in love, in which he is quite literally upset and completely rude to the person who asked it, saying “no offense to you but what kind of a stupid question is that?” as though he has never even entertained the possibility that people could not believe that love is a true feeling and emotion. it’s incredible to see that 6 years later dan has evolved in so many ways and is calmer and more thoughtful about so many things, but on this subject little has changed: love is so important to him and there’s no way for him to talk about it without immediately demonstrating that :( :( :(

“hydrate, meditate, contemplate, get a mate.” such a fitting closing line because is there any set of four directives that better encompass who dan is lol? overall such a good live show with so many moments of vulnerability and emotional openness. however dan really is in this moment i hope things only get better and better for him and that he can get over whatever hurdles have been holding him back from dinof and that he can edit/post this video and then let himself take that week off that he mentioned wanting, in order to play games and chill or at least get to a calmer place. love him lots :(((

(live show: meditation and hydration with your new life coach - 2017.03.14)

|| True Love ||

[prompt: soulmate au where you and your soulmate are connected by a visible red string where only a few people can see.]

ohhh boy, this is going to be told in a different way than most of my other peter parker imagines in that there is a third character involved (much like how ||a different story|| was) and how it is based on reader and peter’s relationship through THEIR eyes.

Once you read the story, you’ll know what I mean ;)

warnings: none

permanent tags: @psychicwitchphilosopher , @pharaohkiller , @moonlight53

peter parker only tags: @buckysendoftheline , @1022bridgetp , @potterjamesharry

**don’t plagiarize/repost this story. reblogs are fine**

——

Flash never knew the reason why he was given this ‘gift’ of being able to see everyone’s red string of fate.

Now, being a sophomore in high school, Flash didn’t need to worry about seeing any of the red strings connected to anyone else since everyone was too young to have found their soulmate at such an early age. Sure, it was an annoyance to see the constant bits of red in his periphery, but in a way, the young man was used to it.

Keep reading

we get it, you’re gay.
my sexuality is not a shirt that I take off at the end of each day, it is not dirty. I do not dress myself in lesbianism just for the fashion perks; homophobia is not in style. i am not a living light switch, I do not turn myself off to solve all your problems, my light will not go out because it’s too bright for you.
we get it, you’re gay.
if I stop talking about it, it will not go away. I would say I am sorry to disappoint but I am not sorry, I am gay, I am very gay and I am not sorry for who I am, I am only sorry that you have a problem with self-liberation and confidence.
we get it, you’re gay.
I can tell when someone is uncomfortable and my sexuality is making you uncomfortable, you are upset that I am comfortable in my own skin, you are upset that I am comfortable with the fact that I love girls and you are uncomfortable about the fact that I won’t shut up. you can’t silence my sexuality, actions speak louder than words.
we get it, you’re gay.
you don’t mind that I’m gay you just don’t want me to be too gay, because being too gay is distracting. you want me to be quiet gay, nice gay, understanding gay, your-gay-friend gay, let-you-get-away-with-everything gay. I can like girls but I’m supposed to whisper that kind of thing, not shout it. the neighbors aren’t supposed to hear.
we get it, you’re gay.
you say you understand, but you’d rather just push it under the rug. it’s okay if I’m gay, but I shouldn’t rub it in your face. you don’t mind, you say, but you can’t help but notice how many people are gay these days and you assume it must be some kind of practical joke. I am not a joke, my life is not some riddle, do you see me laughing? this is not funny.
we get it, you’re gay.
oh, I’m just rebellious, I’ve been told. a rebellious teen confused by the media, so tell me, where is my army? where are my hundreds of thousands of lgbt soldiers, ready to fight this war on love? we stand united but we are not armed, because if we bring the weapons we have guaranteed ourselves a two-minute five o'clock news slot, tragic tragedy, one-more-gay-gone, let’s save the world, let’s save the gays.
we get it, you’re gay.
“lesbians have ruined flannels for me” because the community was supposed to ask for a style after you denied us basic human rights? I’m sorry gay girls have ruined plaid for you, but it never looked too great on you anyway. maybe you should stick to solid colors; if you put too many shades on one shirt, it might look like a rainbow and someone might accidentally think you’re gay. can’t have that.
we get it, you’re gay.
don’t annoy the straights! eyes wide open, avoiding ticking bombs of discrimination, it happens all the time but there’s no way to prepare yourself for hate speech coming from the mouth of your mother or your teacher or your best friend. I bite my tongue to keep from coming out but you’re just so sure that you can trust me, I’ll get it, no offense, no hard feelings, I will understand.
we get it, you’re gay.
I am not going to hit on you, just because I like girls does not mean that I like you, I love myself and I love being gay. do not make my sexuality about you, my life does not revolve around you. I’ve undressed in front of you my entire life but now you insist on changing in the next room. you don’t say it, but I know. I’m not a friend, I’m a predator.
we get it, you’re gay.
you can ramble all day about how that kid in your physics class is just to die for, but the second I mention that a girl in my history class is cute then all eyes are burning holes into my skin. you don’t have to bring your gay with you everywhere, leave it at home most days, it’s too embarrassing to share.
we get it, you’re gay.
I don’t look gay enough, I’ve heard. do I need to carry a sign with me everywhere to broadcast that I Am Not Straight, I am g-a-y gay, rainbows all over my body and in my back pocket, just so you can see?
we get it, you’re gay.
oh, but you tell me that I am not gay I am not gay because I am a girl that likes girls, I can only use the word lesbian. I didn’t know that I erased my name tag and handed it to you, I didn’t know that you were in charge of what I called myself, I didn’t know you were allowed to police my labels; I never asked for your opinions but that never stopped you anyway, do you understand?
we get it, you’re gay.
so, by gay, do you mean really gay or just a little gay? lipstick lesbian, three-way fantasy, am I right? what stereotype would you like to claim, or would you prefer that I choose?
we get it, you’re gay.
truth or dare has always been a death sentence for me, and anyone that says that party games aren’t lethal doesn’t know pure poison, I grew up drinking venom from vodka bottles because alcohol was nothing to a child on the run. so explain to me why I would stop now.
we get it, you’re gay.
in every wedding aisle there’s a “mr.” and a “mrs.” who’s the man in the relationship, they’ll ask us, nothing about us is traditional but they’ll insist we wear white anyway. marriage equality, what else are you fighting for?
I get it, you’re straight.
you’re the cool straight friend. you’re the best straight friend any gay person could ever have, asking for fashion advice and introducing me as your “gay friend.” you say that you have a pretty great gaydar, and you knew all along. do you also know that I want you to shut the fuck up?
I get it, you’re straight.
capital s “Straight,” straight as a telephone pole, straighter than a ruler. so straight and everyone knows without you saying a word because you people are everywhere. you’re on cereal boxes and billboards and in every television show. you’re the main character but we’re just there for a little drama, an episode or two, and then we’re gone.
I get it, you’re straight.
you have never had to come out of the closet because you were never in one to begin with, you own the entire house and didn’t even give us enough room to be. has anyone ever told you how dark and crowded a closet is? it is so hard to breathe with so little space to exist, I’m surprised my thoughts didn’t suffocate me over the years, would you have even noticed?
I get it, you’re straight.
you’re a girl and you like boys, only boys. I mean, everyone experiments in college, right? everyone loves that song, I kissed a girl, because everyone loves just to give being gay a try without the weight of what it really means. it’s not cheating if it’s with a girl, right? right?
I get it, you’re straight.
no homo, bro! holding hands, sharing drinks, making eye contact, it’s not gay, no homo. just two pals being gals, no homo, don’t worry, we’re straight!
I get it, you’re straight.
you have learned how to hate since the moment you were born. no worries, I have been too, but I unlearned heteronormativity so I could fall in love with myself. you preach it every sunday in church and every weekday at work, you learn that serving me is optional, that you can turn me away because you don’t like who I love.
I get it, you’re straight.
lets talk about me as a topic of class discussion, I am the focus of today’s debate, go. argue your stance. do you think this girl at table three should have the right to get married, the right to adopt, the right to buy milk, the right to exist? do you think this girl at table three is just trying to fit in? do you think the girl at table three should be allowed to go to prom? tell me, let’s talk about the girl at table three, no harm done.
I get it, you’re straight.
you are in every book I’ve ever read. the love stories are always about you, how can you expect me to grow up and not feel flawed? these novels teach me to hate who I am, it’s a miracle in and of itself that I’m still here.
I get it, you’re straight.
“there’s a war on straight people,” excuse me? we are just beginning to come out of the shadows because the earth is only now a little less haunted and you have the audacity to say that you are the ones under attack?
I get it, you’re straight.
every step we take is monitored and broadcast for the world to see. you are just a person allowed to make your own decisions but everything I do respresents my entire community and there is no space for me to make mistakes. I am not perfect but I am trying.
I get it, you’re straight.
you say that me being gay is not a big deal to you, it could be anyone, no big deal, not at all. but it’s a big deal to me, this wasn’t an easy thing to say. why should I silence myself, am I overreacting?
I get it, you’re straight.
there’s no rule book for being an ally and sometimes the borders become a little blurred, it’s easy to cross a line. I will help guide you but I will not hold your hand. I cannot always be there to watch the words that trickle out of your mouth, you have to remember that I am a secret.
I get it, you’re straight.
please stop talking about me like I am the latest news story, I am not a headline in big bold font, sometimes I just need a moment to breathe. I have these words printed into my skin just like a newspaper and I’ve never been more black and white.
I get it, you’re straight.
what’s it like to be gay? oh, you know what I mean, so when did you know? which girl turned you gay? why did you lie to us, how many times have you done it with a girl, what about with a guy? how can you be gay if you’ve never done anything? can you ever really know? what if it’s all a phase?
I get it, you’re straight.
the words we identify ourselves by are your insults. they lock us up for holding hands, they criminalize and sexualize our daily activities because they don’t want us corrupting the children. I’ve spent my entire life in an invisible prison with see-through shackles, this is on my permanent record.
I get it, you’re straight.
have you ever considered that my backpack is heavy because I have to carry the weight of your judgment to and from school every day, I have to carry a fire extinguisher in my lunch box because these toxic words are flammable. I might break my back but at least you don’t know.
I get it, you’re straight.
what’s it like to be “normal”? to never have to deal with the undercover I’m-sorry-for-you stares from the kids in the hallway, the I’ll-pray-for you promises spoken by nice ladies in their sunday best?
we get it, you’re gay.
when I’m telling my love story I do not want to lie. I will not censor the pronouns to protect the innocent because my happiness is not guilt-ridden. I am leaving this book open.
—  we get it.
Bob Morley Imagine: Secretly

Requested 

Summary: Reader and Bob are secretly dating. However, their characters just got together on the show and on a conference everyone teases them about it. It makes them, especially reader, feel uncomfortable. So reader confronts the cast members about it and Bob unintentionally reveals that they are dating which makes cast freak out.

Word count:1353


Originally posted by love-is-equal66

I couldn’t decide if this con was disaster or the best time of my life. It was the first con when I and Bob were a couple. The problem was that no one knew.

We had decided to keep it a secret. In fact I didn’t know why, but it was Bob’s idea. He thought that it would be better because it would prevent us from getting various kinds of reactions from fans. Because this fandom could be really harsh towards the actors and make our lives a living hell.

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Breathless //Draco Malfoy Imagine//

Requested by: @calumswigglewoggle

Request: could I get a Draco imagine? Lots of fluff and cute, and he could he kinda snarky to me whenever anyone else is around, and we kinda just act like friends, but when we’re alone it’s really cute and fluff, like, he could just mess with my fingers or something, idk. xD

Pairing: Draco x Reader

Warnings: None

A/n: I have been so uninspired lately so i’m sorry if it takes me awhile to get to your imagine! Hope you like this!
______

Draco Malfoy had a reputation. It was a reputation that earned him great respect and honor among the right wizarding families, but detest and hatred among others. Draco never minded the fact that there were people out there who despised him. He always remembered something his father told him when he was just starting school, “It doesn’t matter who hates you as long as the right people like you.”

All through his so far six years at Hogwarts, he’s mostly managed to uphold his oh so glorious reputation as the Slytherin Prince. There was only one small distraction and her name was Y/n Y/l/n.

From the very first day of school, Draco had noticed her right away and even at the age of eleven he thought of her as the most beautiful girl he’d ever laid eyes on. He listened carefully, ignoring Crabbe who was pulling at his sleeve, demanding his attention as Mcgonagall lifted the sorting hat towards her head only to have his heart shattered by the hat screaming “GRYFFINDOR” just as quickly as it had called Slytherin when placed upon his head.

He had quickly cleared his mind of her, or so he thought. As the years aged, so did they and what had once been a silly, childish crush became much more. Draco knew he couldn’t have her. He knew that everything about his attraction towards her was strictly forbidden by his parents and by everyone who looked up to him but even the thought of their disapproval didn’t diminish the strong feelings he felt for the Gryffindor girl.

There was something different about Y/n that Draco couldn’t quite figure out. She never shied away from him when he teased her and she never called him out on any of the reckless things he did to maintain his reputation. He didn’t take pleasure in taunting her and he only ever did it when he had company. He rarely ever got to be alone with her but he had promised himself that no matter how rude he acted towards her while accompanied, he would always make it up to her when they were alone.

+++

Draco sauntered through one of the many stone corridors that lead back to the Slytherin common room, Crabbe on his left shoulder while Goyle staggered behind on his right. Draco never asked them to accompany him. Most of the time he would really rather they stay behind and let him be by himself, but there was always at least one person that took the pleasure of tagging along.

“Draco, look.” Crabbe spoke, pulling at Draco’s arm and pointing down the corridor to a small group of Gryffindor girls that were most likely walking back to the Gryffindor common room.

“Of course.” Draco muttered under his breath as his eyes fell upon Y/n, her gold and scarlet scarf tied around her neck and her Gryffindor robes just barely dragging on the ground behind her. Even from across the hall Draco could see the light in her eyes and the uncontrollable happiness behind her smile. Sometimes the only thing he wanted in the entire world was to be the reason she smiled.

Draco forced his eyes away from her as he straightened his shoulders and picked up his pace, Crabbe and Goyle following his lead. A hush fell over the group the instant Draco and his loyal followers pulled up and even though Draco wanted nothing to do with this, he was the first to speak.

“Look Crabbe, Goyle. Looks like we’ve stumbled upon some of Dumbledore’s pets. Should we bring them back to him you think?” Draco sneered as Crabbe snickered. Draco smiled as he watched the girl’s faces change as they grew angry but one girl remained unaffected.

“No thank you, we can walk ourselves. Good day. Let’s go girls.” Y/n smiled as she took the wrists of two of her friends and pulled them down the hallway, away from an impressed Draco and two confused dumbbells.

+++

Draco let a sigh escape his chapped lips as he took the steps to the observatory two at a time. For the first time in what felt like years, he was finally alone. No annoying Crabbe constantly pulling at his sleeve or Goyle’s constant chewing. No Dean telling him the same story over and over again and best of all, no Pansy to ogle him while she thought he wasn’t looking.

He jumped slightly when he reached the top, surprised to see Y/n sitting on the ledge, her Gryffindor skirt pulled tightly over her knees and her hair just barely blowing in the wind.

“Draco,” she spoke, her voice soft and sweet. Draco couldn’t take his eyes away from hers. The dim light of the setting sun above cast a beautiful glow in them that intrigued him immensely. She smiled at him. “What are you doing here?”

Draco cleared his throat, pulling his eyes onto the floor in front of him. “I just come here to get away sometimes…but I can come back, y’know, if you’re doing the same.” Draco winced at how loud he was compared to Y/n and he cleared his throat in embarrassment.

“No, please stay. I don’t mind. We can get away together.” Y/n replied, motioning towards the ledge opposite of her. Draco relaxed slightly as he moved to it and sat down across from her. They weren’t more than a foot away from each other now and a tranquility set in Draco’s mind that he rarely ever felt.

“Y’know, you kinda surprised me today,” Draco spoke, linking his fingers over his raised knees. “When you were with your friends..”

“Yeah, I just knew that Sarah would have beaten you up if you had gone on and even the notorious Draco Malfoy couldn’t take her on in a fight.” Y/n replied, a giggle escaping her lips that caused Draco’s heart to float.

Draco hung his head, concealing the smile that tugged at his lips. Y/n’s smile immediately faded as she bent her neck in hopes to catch a glimpse of an oh so rare Draco Malfoy smile.

“This reputation you have….I understand it but…you can’t even smile Draco. Not really anyway..” her voice sounded like it was laced with frosting it was so sweet.

Draco lifted his head, his smile replaced by a modest frown. “It’s hard to keep it up…it’s like I’ve built a wall around my true personality and no one is allowed to cross it…not even myself..everyone just sees me as the cocky, impudent, mud-blood hating Slytherin Prince and not as what I would really like to be seen as…they see me as if…i’m a monster.”

Y/n pressed her lips together, her eyes alone saying everything he needed to hear. “I don’t..” she spoke, her fingers busying themselves in the hem of her sweatshirt. “I see you as Draco Malfoy..the boy who had…no choice…the boy who secretly cares more than he should. The boy who would actually sacrifice himself for anyone, who gets a little too attached. You’re not a monster Draco. You’re misunderstood.”

Draco’s lips tugged into a smile that even he couldn’t conceal. Y/n stood from her ledge and walked to his ledge. She sat herself beside him and leaned herself against his chest. Draco could only stare at her for a minute, completely shocked by the situation. This was all he ever wanted. He shook his head, clearing his mind as he wrapped an arm around her waist, his eyes staring out into the darkening sky, the beautiful colors on the horizon perfect reflecting the way his heart felt. Breathless.

Auston Matthews ~ My WCW, not yours

Another angst with a happy ending story, what can I say, love some angst :)))Liked writing this because I got to mention KJ Apa!! (actor from the tv show Riverdale in case anyone didn’t know who he was :) )

Requested: Yes

“Hey! Can you please write an Auston Matthews imagine of how a famous young actor/singer makes y/n his WCW and Auston gets jealous about it. And he becomes angry because it starts to trend and all his teammates retweet it as a joke. But y/n reassures him that she only want him? Thank you😊 “

Warnings: Nahh

For @jennbabeyy

Y/Ni is Nickname

——— —— — — is Time lapse



Originally posted by nylanderhoe


You were out at dinner with your best friend when your phone started buzzing like crazy. The lock screen displayed a number of twitter notifications, which were seemingly growing in number as each second passed, leaving you confused. You had like 100 followers on twitter, half of which were Auston’s team mates and their girlfriends, and you’d never got this many notifications from the app before.

You were normally against checking your phone at a table, you thought it was rude, but your friend was at the toilet and you were curious.

You unlocked your phone and pulled up your twitter, coming face to face with over 1,000 likes and retweets on the picture you had posted a few hours ago. You were shocked and you scrolled through the comments to find the source.

“Omg I can’t believe KJ Apa retweeted this!!”

You were pretty sure your mouth was hanging open unattractively, but if this person was right, then you had all the reason in the world to look like this currently.

You clicked back onto the notifications and discovered he had in fact retweeted your picture, it was of you watching riverdale that Auston had taken, and you let out a gasp. You had thought it was a pretty nice picture and so posted it, tagging him and some of the other cast, not thinking anything of it.

You were maybe a little wrong about that.

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Mariana Trench

Prompt: Three times Michael has lied to either Gavin or Ryan for the wrong reasons, and one time he did it for the right ones. (GTA mavinwood)

For Olivia - thank you so much for all your support <3 <3

1.

Michael’s in too deep before he even knows it.

It starts in a club the night after their first successful heist as a full crew, a motley assortment of bounty hunters, hit men and vagabonds that Ramsey pulled together from fucking Craigslist, beggars with big dreams who all have just a touch of eccentricity to them. Enough to make things work.

It’s the most fun he’s had in years. He’s known these men seventy-two hours but they feel as close as family already.

Well, maybe not quite like family, because the three of them have wandered away from the rest of the group to sit together at a booth close to the dance floor, and if they were family he wouldn’t be noticing how nice Ryan’s lips look as he lifts his glass to drink, or how the colourful lights flicker across Gavin’s skin so prettily, how good they look sitting side by side - Gavin latched himself to Ryan early on, like a little golden bird perched on the back of a huge dark-haired wolf - now their shoulders brush, they’re sat so close, and Gavin’s fingers trail across Ryan’s wrist to get his attention. Michael can’t stop thinking about how well he’d fit between the two of them.

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a lot of the time i find myself in a rp whit a shit load of potential, but dying for no reason. everyone has a lot of muse, everyone is saying how they “hate how this is dying like how can this be happening”, everyone obviously logged on, yet there are only a couple people who dare to actually attempt to keep it alive. i wish i can say this has only happened once but lately i find myself in this position a lot, and by all the complaining in the rpt tags i know i am not alone on this. so, i decided to make a little rp helpers guide or whatever cause some people obviously need this. 

so here is:

8 TIPS ON HOW TO ATTEMPT TO KEEP A RP ALIVE

  1. don’t complain about the rp dying

i always see this and it always gets on my nerves. i’m not talking about those who post a starter and in the tags say “where is everyone at?” cause even though there is some complaining  involved in that, they are still doing more to try to keep it alive, actually posting a starter. i’m talking those who are obviously on the dash cause you see them post an ooc saying “this is dying i’m so sad :( :( :( “. that is not being active, thats just complaining, and being annoying (well a least for me. and if you really were so sad you would actually do something about it, maybe reply to a starter, then make one of your own, or something. DON’T BE THE COMPLAINER, THEY ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

       2. don’t blame the admins

although it is an admins job to run a rp, rarely is it ever actually an admins fault that a rp dies. keep in mind that along with running it, they also have parts in the rp, and like all of us do, they have lives outside the internet. if the main isn’t active for a day or two, so what? that doesn’t mean that the rp is dead, it means that the admins may have something else in their lives going on, or maybe even, that are participating in the rp, and doing their part to keep it alive? 

      3. don’t only reblog muse shit

in the past year or so, muse blogs have really made a difference in the rpc. now, we have a place to find things that can relate to our character, or a plot that they currently have with another character, and reblog them, giving people more of an in-depth sense of our chracters, from more then just statistics or a bio. i would be lying is i didn’t admit my love for this, cause it truly has made a difference. but, i cannot tell you how many times i have seen a rp slowly dying and there is that one person or in some cases, multiple people, who you know are on the dash, cause they are reblogging stuff, but instead of reblogging starters and replies, they are reblogging musings, or pictures. has this ever happened to you? you post a starter, and you worked hard on it, thinking of starters that are original is pretty hard, but you finally do it. how ever long after you see that little one thing on the tumblr refresh thing, telling you that there is something new on the dash. excited, you go, click on that refresh button, and when your dash reloads, its a quote, a picture, a gif set, something along those lines. now knowing someone is on the dash, you wait for that response, but it never comes. instead, your starter gets buried. #stopburyingstarterswithmusingshit2016. i’m not saying stop reblogging muse shit, please, if i did, that would make me a hypocrite. but mayb,e while your on the dash, and you happen to see a reply, or you happen to see a starter, or you see how no ones made a new starter in a day or two, why not make make posting actual rp stuff your priority?

     4. do be active 

this one is kind of a given, but i fee. as though lately, some people need a reminder. in order to keep a rp alive, you must simply be active! i know, i know, its hard to if no one else is on the dash, but, if your not gonna be the one to break the dead rp ice with a starter, then who is? what i have found out over my time in the rpc  is that activity is almost like a chain reaction. most of us are on at the same time, or at least once a day, yet for some reason everyone seems scared to post a starter, or even a reply, no one wants to be first. its like at a buffet or something, no one wants to be first in line, yet everyone wants to eat. so what can you do? be the first in line! start the activity up again! when it seems as though no ones on the dash, who cares? just post a starter, and reply to your other replies, and i’m sure the rest of the rp will start to be active again.

    5. if you don’t have muse, either try to get some or just leave the rp

i know some of us get very attached to some of our characters, and feel as though we can play them forever, yet, there always those times where are use just isn’t as high as it was before. it happens to the best of us. but, that doesn’t really give you an excuse to just abandon the rp. in my eyes, there are two ways to go about solving this problem. 1) you take a day or two, make an ooc saying that you just need a day or two but you promise to come back soon, let the admins know, and take that day or two, and try to develop your muse again. whether is that just taking that time to be off the dash, in the real world, looking through muse blogs, making photoshop shit for them, plotting with more people, i don’t know! but if you want to stay in the rp, with muse, i recommend doing this.  2) if you have attempted this last step and it just didn’t work, or you really just want out of the rp, just leave then. simple! i’m sure all the admins would understand, plus, i’m sure there is someone out there who will be more then happy to fill your role in the rp with whatever muse they have. 

    6. don’t ignore starters

this may seem like common sense, but i have seen this happen way too many times, where someone pot a starter, and then the complainer comes on, or the muse reblog person, orrr those people who mean well, do replies, but just for some reason don’t reply to start starter, instead make one of their own. part of keeping an rp active is being inclusive! sure, that person may not be your favorite, or you just don’t get their chara, or your muses don’t get along well, so what? if you want to keep the rp alive, your going to have to include everyone, thats just how it goes.

    7. promote!

this one may seem like it should only be reserved  for the admins, but it is not! promoting the rp to your friends or the rpc, either by talking about it, posting a link on your aim updates, posting a link to it on your rph/rpc, reblogging a main promote post on your rpt/rph, the list is endless. this way, your friends can join, people you met on aim yet don’t talk to anymore for whatever reason can jojn, those who are too lazy to go through the tags and just look at the rpt or rph tag for some reason can join, anyone can really! 

    8. try to get online

i know we all have outside lives from the rpc, but joining a rp, you are making a commitment to stay active. if something happens and you need some time off, thats when you ask the admins for a hiatus, and i’m sure they will understand and let you have some time off. but, if you find yourself bored, the dash slow, why not get involved, be active!

i know i’m going to get a message or two once i post this saying “ugh this is so annoying, this is all common sense blah blah blah,” but, lately from my own experience and from what i have seen people complaining about on the tags, i feel as though people need this reminder. also if majority of the rpc follows these tips, i’m sure rps would last a solid amount of time, and people can stop complaining. also, if anyone has any more tips, feel free to reblog and add them, or message me them!

In Defence of Madoka Kaname

Madoka Kaname is my favourite anime character, and she’s right up there on my list of favourite fictional characters of all time. And for everything that this magical girl embodies and all the lessons that her story teaches, it’s really quite saddening to constantly see complaints from Puella Magi Madoka Magica fans who seem to have a problem with the series’ protagonist.

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Ex-Girlfriend Tag || Jack Maynard

Originally posted by conormaynardaf

Requests are currently [ CLOSED FOR CATCH-UP ]

Masterlist can be found [ HERE ]

Word Count: 1k+

A/N: i am a machine, it is 2am. i am sweating, help.




Sometimes, with two people, there’s a sense of chemistry that just can’t be explained in words. It’s something that only the people on the receiving end of the feeling can attempt to articulate, though, with you and Jack, you’d both failed to ever do so. It just felt so right when you were together, and it’d felt that way even before you started dating and used to go out on ironic ‘dates’ as friends, before you mutually began to wonder whether an actual relationship was the natural next step.

According to all of your friends, it’d been inevitable, at least in their eyes, that you’d start dating at some point. You spent so much time in each others company, constantly talking, even if you were on opposite sides of the world, which occurred more often than you’d like to admit, due to your jobs.

Whilst you were dating, it was amazing, you made some absolutely unforgettable memories that you’d hold close to your heart forever. You traveled together, held hands twenty-four-seven, experienced new cultures and went on adventures you could never imagine going on with anyone else but him.

But at some point, it was bound to all become too much, and it did, at one of the most crucial times in your relationship. You’d jetted off to LA together for an Instagram event, and after a small spat on the plane over something you couldn’t even recall at this point, the whole trip thus far had been filled with tension and uncomfortable silences.

You weren’t really sure how to approach the long needed conversation, having never really been involved in an argument to this extent with Jack, but decided, on the night you returned to your shared hotel room after an evening of avoiding each other in a room full of people who’d expected you both to be attached at the hip, as usual. In few words, you were done with the whole thing.

You ignore him as you walk into the room behind him, gently pushing the door closed and yet still wincing at the loud click, somehow still startled by it even though you knew it was coming. You walk into the main room, slipping off your uncomfortable shoes with a quiet sigh of relief before climbing onto the bed and sitting on your knees, looking down and fiddling with the duvet as you wait for Jack to walk out of the bathroom.

When he did walk into the room, frowning at you when he immediately met eyes with you, you inhale sharply. “I think we should talk.”

He nods, his features softening as he walks over, taking off his own shoes before throwing himself onto the bed, throwing his arm around your shoulders and tugging you into a laying position, your head resting on your chest as you began to talk about everything that had gone on in those past seven days.

By the end of the night, you fell asleep in his arms for the first time in way too long, content with the idea of the two of you going back to the way things had been before the whole ‘dating’ thing had gone and complicated everything way more than necessary.

Three months later, you were still as close as you always had been, if not closer, and you found yourself cuddled up into his side, fiddling half-heartedly with the hem of his cotton shirt as you watched the movie that was being projected onto Joe’s living room wall, the guys surrounding you, popcorn being thrown in every direction with the occasional 'fucking shut up, you pricks’, from Joe whenever an exchange would get a little loud and begin to interrupt the intense scenes of the movie.

It was only when the movie ended and Jack snapped at one of the guys for hitting you in the eye accidentally with a piece of popcorn, did Josh pipe up. “Christ, can you imagine how dysfunctional an Ex-Girlfriend tag with you two would be?”

You furrow your brows, looking at them all in confusion as the majority of the boys all snort in amusement and nod, agreeing with what Josh was saying and deepening your confusion even further. “Dysfunctional how?”

“It just would be.” Josh shrugs, nodding toward the two of you. “Like, seriously, if a stranger was to walk in right now, they’d automatically assume you two were dating, no questions asked.”

You roll your eyes, looking up and Jack and freezing when you see him looking down at you with a plotting smirk on his lips. You groan, flinging your head in Josh’s direction and glaring knowing for a fact that one Jack had an idea in his head, he wouldn’t stop thinking (and pestering you,) about it, until it became reality.

And so, the next day, you found yourself sat on the end of his bed with a camera and multiple umbrella lights angled in your direction, smiling as Jack started the video in his usual fashion, waiting until he introduced you to say anything.

You introduce yourself, saying hello and then dived right into the video, answering the questions together and play fighting between each question, and eventually, you forgot the camera was even there and just acted as you would if it wasn’t there; happy, over the top, laugh as annoying as ever, and you didn’t care.

You ended the video with you sat behind Jack, your makeup smudged all over your face, making you look like you’d just spent two days at a rave, waving goodbye before tackling Jack to the ground and laughing hysterically when he reached out to grab onto one of the light stands instinctively but instead grabbed onto the leg of his desk chair and pulled it over onto himself by mistake.

Needless to say, when that video did eventually get uploaded, there was an influx of fans who speculated on the fact that it was strange that you two were too damn personal and touchy with each other, even after having broken up. And you agreed, to an extent, because even though exes could generally be civil, you knew deep down that you and Jack had somehow just bounced back to the way you had been before.

And maybe, that was just how your chemistry worked.

Hidden Voices

Summary: Thomas Jefferson, world renown, critically acclaimed rapper has lost his inspiration. In an attempt to start over and regain his lost inspiration, he made the bold decision to move to New York City. There, he meets a quick witted barista named Alex, who unknowingly becomes the source of Thomas’s knew found inspiration.

Author’s note: Uploaded on mobile (like usual lol)

tag list: @katzun my dude!
————————————————————————-
Crowds were annoying. If there was one thing that Thomas Jefferson hated, it was crowds. Every time he was in a highly populated area, he was bombarded with selfie, autograph, and hug demands. Mobile phones meant that he was always in the public eye… Always being in the public eye meant that there was no escaping his personal hell - overly pushy fans.

Thomas Jefferson was a rapper who had recently moved to New York City. He used to live in San Francisco, but he found that he was loosing his touch. He was lacking inspiration, so a move to a new place seemed to be the logical step. He had grown up on a farm in Virginia, but he found his creativity really sore in the city. His agent had recommended New York City because he had an office just blocks from Thomas’s lavish, rooftop apartment. It made it easier to get to the studio, but Thomas found it was harder to get away from fans so early in the morning.

You see, Thomas was not a morning person at all. He was a self-diagnosed insomniac, who normally wouldn’t get up until noon. However, he had to run on New York time and kept a nine to five job, just like his agent and the people who worked at the studio. Getting up at seven in the morning didn’t exactly set him up to be the friendliest person. But, he didn’t want to upset his fans either, so Thomas did everything in his power to avoid them all together.

Currently, Thomas was trying to get his coffee maker working, so that he didn’t have to go to a crowded coffee shop where there might be a lot of people. If there was one thing about Thomas that didn’t change over the years, it was his old cheep habits. Thomas had owned that same coffee maker since college, and it seemed today was the day it finally died and gone to coffee heaven. Thomas swore under his breath and hit the coffee maker one last time before gearing up to deal with people.

He threw on a thick coat to combat the harsh New York winter, a pair of brand new pair of sneakers that he had gotten for free to promote, and a flat bill cap that he had bought during college. Now, it was considered vintage and cool. Thomas took a deep breath and opened the door not ready to face the world outside.

As soon as the door opened, Thomas’s eyes stung from the icey wind. It was negative four today with wind chills down to negative seven. Thomas trudged along the sidewalk in search of a coffee place. It was times like this where he really missed the warmer winter weather of San Francisco. But, it was also frigid days like this that kept people inside and out of his face.

Eventually, Thomas found a coffee shop on Broadway (which was a couple blocks from the studio) called, “Cafe 525 ”. The cafe looked ridiculously cheesy. Musical posters hung on the walls and memorabilia covered nearly every other counter, crook, and crevis in the cafe. It was clear that the cafe was musical themed, and being right off of Broadway, Thomas understood why. He was just confused by the name.

Thomas walked inside jumping at the sound of the loud bell that rang when he came in. Instead of the Broadway music he was expecting, soft 90’s rap played throughout the store. Someone in the back of the store swore, and the music quickly switched to some song Thomas didn’t recognize from “Cats”. He frowned and walked up to the counter and rung the bell alerting the staff he needed service.

“Yeah, yeah keep your pants on! I’m comin’” A voice yelled from the back. Thomas blinked. He certainly wasn’t expecting that. No matter, the worker would change his mind after he found out who exactly Thomas was.

After a few moments, a short, black haired man worked out. Thomas nearly smiled at how hot the man was despite being what seemed like five foot tall. He had long black hair tied back into a neat pony tail. Facial hair outlined his mouth and accented his lightly pink lips. Chocolate brown eyes stared back at him in annoyance. It seemed his barista wasn’t a morning person either… Maybe, they had chemistry right off the bat. The man grumbled and took out a black marker from the inside of his purple smock and placed it behind his ear.

“What do ya want?” The man asked.

Thomas chuckled and leaned over the counter flashing the cute man an award winning smile. “Well, good morning to you too darlin’. You don’t sound too happy to be at work. Can I get your name?”

The man rolled his eyes and pounded his number into the POS system. “If you’re just dying to know, I have a name tag. Now, are you gonna order or just waste my time?”

Oh… Thomas forgot about that. His eyes drifted down to the man’s name tag. Alex. It was probably short for Alexander… It was fitting for him. Alex seemed to be quick witted,  and sharped tongue. Thomas liked that in a man. It kept things interesting.

“As much as I love flirting with you, I need coffee for the rest of the day. I’ll have a venti-”

“Let me stop you right there. This isn’t a Starbucks. Small, medium, or large?” Alex asked rolling his eyes… Tourists…

Thomas was quiet for a moment. Did Alex really talk back to him? “Large. I’ll have a large dark roast with a double shot, and a strawberry muffin.”

Alex nodded and entered the order into the computer quickly before looking up at Thomas. “Alright, anything else?”

Thomas smirked and winked. “Your number.”

“You’re funny.” Alex smirked back and took the muffin out of the case, packed it into a bag, and slid it across the counter.  “I’ll get your coffee.”

Thomas took the bag and set it on the nearest table in favor of watching Alexander instead of eating the muffin. “Don’t you need my name?”

“I know who you are.” Alex muttered pressing a button on the espresso machine. “Forgive me for not bowing down or begging to get your signature Mr.Jefferson.” He said sarcastically brewing a fresh pot for Thomas’s coffee.

Thomas grinned and leaned against the counter just looking at Alexander. He had never had someone act like this knowing who he was. It was nice. “And what do you think of my music?” He hummed watching Alex start the second shot of espresso. Alex was clearly a fan of hip hop from what he heard earlier.

“I think it’s terrible.” Alex deadpanned finishing up Thomas’s order and ringing it through the computer. “It lacks feeling and passion. I could write a better rap song than anything you have written.” Alex smirked. “That will be $5.29 by the way.”

Thomas clutched his fists and his jaw clenched. His music lacked feeling?! Thomas put his heart and soul into his work! Most of the songs he had written came from his own experiences! How dare this barista insult him like this?! He was going to- No… He couldn’t let Alex win. He had to turn this around and use it to his advantage.

“If you think it’s terrible surely you wouldn’t mind a little wager?” He purred. Alex looked annoyed and pissed off that Thomas didn’t flip, which is what he was going for. Perfect. “I’ll come back in a week. If I write better lyrics than you, than I get to take you on a date.”

“And what if I win?” Alex asked folding his arms.

“Depends. What do you want?”

“Sign me as your lyricist. I’m tired of you ruining rap for the younger kids. I can fix it.”

Thomas should be offended, but there was no way Alex would actually win. He was just a barista. He shook Alex’s hand and grinned.

“Deal.” He said. With that, he made his way out the door. He needed to go to the studio. There was no way he was going to let Alex have the pleasure of winning. As he walked out daydreaming of the potential date he had with his cute barista, he never once realized that Alex had written his number and the word asshole on Thomas’s cup…

Why your art comment section is dead & how to get seen

I keep seeing more and more young artists become discouraged from posting their artwork in online art communities due to lack of feedback so here’s some thoughts.

(Disclaimer: The following article is based on personal observations, both as a self-thought hobby illustrator and as a graphic designer working in the advertising field, hence I do not guarantee any scientific accuracy.)

The good news:
Your art does not suck.

The bad news:
You might have to find a different way of presentation.

Here’s why.

So, I assume most of us come from a time where forums were a thing, LiveJournal was the blogging place-to-be and deviantART and similar art communities were flourishing. You’d log in and have a two-digit number of notifications. Comments, favorites, maybe a personal message or two. I remember spending hours on the site and logging in several times over the course of one day in order to write back and forth with my fellow artists!

Today? Dust and tumbleweed. If you hold your ear to the inbox close enough you can hear the chirping of crickets. But why?

Here’s my personal theory:

The dynamics of online communities are an ever-changing phenomenon as the learned behavior of users is strongly influenced by user experience and design trends. From my personal experience, the peak of activity in art communities seemed to have been around 2005. That’s 12 years! Remember your first clunky cell phone vs. your current smartphone? That’s how incredibly fast technology advanced in just a small fraction of your lifetime. It’s basically the same for user experience and online behavior, just that it’s not so easy for us to see because it’s more of a mentality you feel than an actual, physical object we can see, touch or buy.

In the past 12 years, lots of things have changed. The concept of Like buttons started popping up everywhere. Microblogging like Twitter is a thing. Some news stories are nothing but slideshows with minimal caption. Snapchat and Instagram stories are booming. Why? Because the majority of users do not sit down for hour-long sessions on their desktop PCs after school any more and go through all of their messages. Instead, thanks to smartphones, users do it on-the-go wherever they are; like or reply to messages on their smartphone as they pop up, swipe them away and move on to the next, in the course of minutes or seconds. This means: Today’s users are used to quick reception; short, quick posts that can be consumed in seconds. This is why Clickbait, for example, is a thing, and Tinder happened.

TL;DR: Users are no longer used (and hence willing) to spending time writing comments or reading articles unless they’re very, very devoted to the subject itself. In an online world where it’s easy to drop a quick Like to give props to the artist, or even share or reblog a piece without comment if it’s relevant enough to your interests, the concept of forum- and comment-based online art communities is outdated.

This has been creeping up on us very, very slowly and is hence often – understandably – interpreted as lack of interest, so it is not surprising that some artists feel discouraged by the regression of written feedback, resulting in doubt of their own skills. Let me assure you: Your art actually rocks! In these times it just requires a different form of presentation.

So what can artists do?

  1. Make peace with the fact that in today’s online community, likes and shares have replaced comments and journal features. It is people’s way of telling you that your art is awesome.
  2. Post your art on social media channels that are currently popular. Not as a link to your deviantART gallery with a preview image where people have to tap through tumbnails three times and spend 10 kilograms of data volume through 273 redirects, but as an actual, native image post. The faster the user can see the actual piece, the better.
  3. Keep captions short and simple. If you have a lot of personal stuff to say to an image, include a link to a more detailed version (e. g. in a personal art gallery) in the caption or put it under a cut. Why? Again, the faster the user can perceive the whole thing in one, the better. Also, from my personal experience, people will refrain from reblogging art that has a lot of personal text under it (= displaying it on their personal timeline or profile) because they simply do not identify with what’s written there, and why should they?
  4. You know that annoying feature where sites like Twitter will randomly display your likes to your followers? Rely on that shit. I’ve stumbled upon some really cool art that way, and people will find your art that way as well (granted you post it publically).
  5. Use tags! This works surprisingly well, especially on Instagram, for example. I’ve had strangers drop by and like my stuff just because it contained a tag that was somehow relevant. And if it mostly makes “like for like”-commenters come to your posts? Even better! People like that tend to have a huge network, and as long as there’s traffic on your page, the website algorithms will do their job and your art will eventually pop up in strangers’ “posts you might like”.
  6. Timing is important! People’s timelines and feeds are cluttered with input that’s impossible to consume in one sitting. Make sure to post at the right times, e. g. when people sit down in the train back home from work and check their phones. I’m not going to elaborate on this in-depth but there’s enough studies out there that will help you.
  7. This one can be skipped if you’re financially dependent on selling your art, but as someone who just does art as a hobby it helped me a lot so I’m sharing it: Try to internalize the fact that you’re drawing for yourself, and only yourself. It’ll spare you a lot of frustration and save friendships; trust me.

I’m no doctor but I hope this posts helps a little and I could put a tiny ray of light into the online experience of my discouraged fellow hobby artists who are struggling with lack of self-confidence.

Please keep going – your art is awesome!

Guzma Therapy Session 1

“Let’s talk about your father.”


“No,” Guzma said defensively.


“Then your mother?”

“No.”

“Ok, maybe we can start with your childhood?”


“Not a fucking chance.”

The therapist leaned back in his chair, he was clearly getting frustrated. “How can you expect therapy to work when you won’t talk about anything. What were you expecting to happen?”

The boss leaned forward with a serious face and asked, “don’t I just tell you I’m stressed and angry then you say some crazy shit that fucks with my head then I’m fixed?”

The doctor stared at him with a blank expression, trying to figure out if the man actually believed what he said. To his surprise the thug seemed to truly think that’s how this worked.

“If you’re angry then there is a reason for it, we just need to track down that reason,” he stated.

Guzma grumbled, “the reason is obvious doc. People are fucking morons and they piss me off.”
The doctor wrote down something on his notepad in response. This annoyed Guzma, who could only assume he and his colleagues would laugh at whatever he scribbled down later.

The therapist explained matter-of-factly, “there is a process to therapy, Guzma. When you speak about things that are hard to say you feel relieved, then once we begin to notice patterns that may explain your temperament we can begin to fix them at the source.There is negativity inside of you and my office is a safe place to let it out.”

The boss’s eyes zoned out as he began to grasp the concept. “So… your your office is like a toilet?” Guzma said as the therapist stared in confusion, “yeah it’s like poop…” He then began to elaborate, “if ya dont poop then you ain’t healthy. But you can’t just shit anywhere. So your office is like a bathroom where I can shit out all this negativity.”

The doctor looked genuinely offended that he equated his career choice to a mere bathroom. Guzma could tell the doctor was offended and gave a small smile, seemingly quite proud of that. He knew this was supposed to be a proper therapy session but he always entertained himself by getting under the skin of anyone he perceived as authority. His smirk caught the doctor’s eye and only served to annoy him further.

The therapist exhaled before quizzing him again, “there has to be something from your childhood that’s easy for you to talk about. Something fun?”

Guzma paused. In a way he knew this was where the fun was going to stop. He riffled through his memories briefly to think of the easiest story he could possibly drum up. “So… once when I was a teenager, just after I left home I started getting really good at tagging. Ya know? Paintin’ art where you’re not s’posed to. Good shit.” The casual use of foul language and references to past crimes made the therapist edgy, but piqued his interest. Guzma continued, “and so one day I sprayed somethin’ awesome behind the pokemart. ‘People bug me’ with a small Wimpod painted below it. It’s fuckin’ cheesy but I was a kid and thought I was the most clever person in the world for thinkin’ it up. The next day when I came back some lady was takin’ pictures of her Scyther in front of my tag. I was HYPED! Finally someone in town who ain’t a basic ass bitch and could appreciate good art! I walked over to see what she thought but I wanted to play it cool and not admit that I was the frickin’ genius that came up with it. Or at least I thought I was a genus… Told her ‘yo that tag is pretty fucking cool eh?’ and she turns to me and she’s like ‘I love the irony of it’ and I didn’t know what the hell that meant. So I asked… And wished I didn’t. Next thing i know she’s trailing off on how it’s simplistic and the Wimpod looks like shit and the choice of colors is bad and blah blah blah. She kept saying it was some kinda statement about how thug life mentality is bein’ mocked by the childish nature of it and how the artist did this intentionally to show the shallow mindset of a street criminal. I was fucking pissed! But I couldn’t do shit so i just kept smiling and nodding like I agreed!”

The doctor nodded and looked at him, jotting down notes as he spoke. “Did it make you mad that she said it? Or because she was right?”

“I dunno… Fuckin’ both or neither. I was just mad that people can’t like the shit I like and always gotta think their shit is better. I just thought what I did was cool… Couldn’t get it outta my head for weeks.”

“So what did you do to move on?”

“I spray painted a Scyther on her house in glow paint that said ‘my mom’s a bitch’ “

The therapist just stared at him, silently and judgmentally.

Guzma grinned back at him. “I know. Fucking funny right???”

The doctor pretended to look at the clock. “It seems our first session is done…”

He cocked an eyebrow. “The hell it is!?”

“Well you wasted half the hour arguing with me about smoking in my office. If you want show up next week and waste another hour be my guest; I get paid either way. But if you continue to share more stories like you did just then we may be able to figure out what made you how you are now.”

The boss looked at his feet momentarily before meeting eyes with the therapist and asking, “honestly, how am I now..?”

“Honestly?” the doc asked. Guzma nodded. The doctor leaned forward with a serious expression and spoke coldly, “you’re a child. A spoiled fucking child who does whatever he wants no matter how it affects others. Your past has created a personality that is comparable to a tumor that needs removed for any treatment to occur.”

The boss stared back at him, clenching his fist tightly. “I’ve knocked people out for less shit talkin’ doc…” he warned.

He didn’t break eye contact. “If you hit me is it because of what I said? Or because I’m right?”

Guzma paused for a moment, gritted his teeth then looked away. “…Fuckin’ hell… Next week same time?”

The therapist sat back up straight. “Fine, but I have homework for you. I want you to go back to that woman’s house. If she’s still there I want you to tell her you did both paintings. And I want you to tell her why and how her words made you feel.”

“Yeah… I probably won’t do that.”

“I get paid either way.”   


( Beta-Read (or Edited) by @supersquiddle . amazing writer, amazing friend )