i feel like it's even more depressing

  • Friend: how are you?
  • What I wish I can say:
  • Well, everything is falling apart. I'm barley going to school, I spend most of my days laying in bed, laid in my own self loathing. I feel empty everyday and I'm getting tired of it. I think about ever little embarrassing thing that happened over 2-4 years ago and cringe at myself....everyday.
  • I'm fucking exhausted, and I still can't sleep at night.
  • Sometimes it feels like I'm not even here, and it's like I lost myself somewhere along this dark, muddy path.
  • I can't stop thinking about my past traumas, my hair is falling out, my mood is getting lower, my future seems to be getting more bleak.
  • I have a suicide plan already in place.
  • Because I fucking hate myself, I hate what I've become, and I hate everything about this world.
  • What I do say: I'm good, what about you?
Part 2 of Lachesism! Lance

Hey guys! Since everyone has been asking for a part 2 for my lachesism I decided to continue it (also you guys are too sweet seriously)! I hope you enjoy it :)

You can find that post here : Part One

You can check out some of my other mini fics here

There in the middle of the hangar, sat Lance surrounded by a hurricane of black that swirled faster with each passing second. His eyes were squeezed shut, not seeing the paladins, yet they all felt like he just knew. It was when he opened his eyes that all hell broke loose.

Lance’s eyes glowed a pale blue amidst the chaos of the black storm surrounding him. He almost seemed to stare at the team unseeingly, his eyes shining unnaturally. 

“Lance?” Shiro asked,”…What’s going on?” He didn’t reply, the only movement he made was the slow blink of his eyes. “Buddy, I need you to work with me ok? What is happening?” Shiro tried again, only to be greeted by silence. The team was beyond freaked out at this point, because where the Lance they knew? What was this, this thing in front of them?

“Lance you better knock it off! This isn’t funny man!” Hunk yelled, taking a step forward, “Let us help you!” 

Lance cocked his head to the side, his brows furrowing. “Blue is someone here?”

If the team thought they were freaked out before, then damn, they were terrified right now. Lance’s voice was creepy, it was as if someone layered his voice a thousand times, each one seeming farther away than the one before it. 

“Can he not hear us?” Pidge whispered, her voice sounding smaller than usual. 

“Blue can you please tell Lance that we’re here to help?” Shiro asked, but the Blue Lion was not listening. Her eyes were fixed on Lance and Lance alone, who was now slowly standing up, the storm around him condensing to two black orbs that sat in each of his hands. 

“Whoever it is, can you please tell them to leave? I’ve almost got this part down! See,” Lance said, dispersing the two orbs into multiple orbs that circled his head,”I’m finally getting the hang of this thing!” The team stared at the menacing blackness that loomed over Lance, who seemed unaffected by the eerie energy it was giving off. 

“That’s it, the show is over,” Keith growled, stomping over to Lance determinedly.

“Keith no! We don’t know what’s going on!” Shiro shouted, reaching out for Keith, only to just miss him. He could only watch as Keith made his way to Lance and grabbed his arm. 

The movement above Lance’s head stopped as he turned to face Keith, his eyes still glowing that pale blue. 

“Snap out of it Lance! You need to tell us what’s going on!” Keith shouted, gripping Lance’s arm tighter. 

“Keith? W-what are you doing here?” Lance stuttered, his eyes going wide and his breath beginning to stiffen. “Blue? Why is he here?” He began to shake, the black orbs above him started to reform into a storm. “Y-you need to let go of me Keith. Y-you n-n-need to let go of me r-right now.”

“Like hell I am!” Keith yelled, “You need to let us help you Lance!”

He didn’t seem to be listening, his eyes gaining that unnatural glow to them once again. The hand touching Lance’s arm began to burn, causing Keith to let go briefly. The effect was already beginning, however, despite Keith letting go. Big fat tears welled up in his eyes and hole seemed to form in his chest, this aching feeling setting root within him. 

“Oh god, oh god, oh god, I’m sorry Keith, I-I didn’t mean to give that to you, let me help ok? Let me just-” And just like that, the feeling was gone, contentment taking its place. Keith could only stare at Lance with his mouth open in shock. The glow began to dim from his eyes, returning them back to normal and the darkness practically vanished in moments. 

“How the hell did you just do that?!”

“Umm… what do you mean?” Lance asked, playing with his fingers. 

“What do I mean? How about the whole, my-emotions-just-went-from-fucking-depressed-to-sunshine-and-rainbows in two seconds??” Keith shouted, causing Lance to shrink into himself even more. 

“Um.. well you see-”

“Hold up, wait just a moment. What just happened. Like right now, in this moment, what is going on?? Because there was a huge storm above your head like a minute ago and now its gone??? You had glowing blue eyes and did something to Keith?? What is happenning?????” Hunk interrupted, stepping in between Lance and Keith. 

“Uhhh, well-”

“What the fucK?? Don’t give me that look Shiro, because I just watched some freaky shit happen. How did you even do that? When did you even start doing that? Could you always do that? What even is that? What-” Pidge rambled, gesturing around her as Lance refused to meet any of their eyes. 

“All right, how about we all give Lance some space ok? Let’s all go to the lounge and talk about this peacefully, alright?” Shiro intervened, going to place a hand on Lance’s shoulder before hesitating. “We’re going to need you to tell us what’s going on, ok Lance?”

Lance continued to stare at the floor, simply nodding before leaving the hangar. 

Lance was in a state a shock at the moment. He couldn’t believe how stupid he was, what idiot lets their biggest secret get discovered that easily? He barely even put up a fight and now here he was, sitting in the lounge, about to explain to the team how much of a screw up he was. He let out a sigh and stared at the empty couches in front of him. Maybe he could just take their anger away so they wouldn’t kick him off the team?

No, that would just prove he’s more pathetic than he already was. For once, Lance wished he couldn’t feel, that all these dark emotions would disappear like he had done for others in the past. 

“Lance can you explain to all of us what happened in the hangar?”


“Well umm… I was practicing,” Lance said, twiddling his fingers nervously.

“Practicing?” Allura questioned.

“Yeah I was practicing my…powers. Trying to make them stronger I guess.” He refused to meet anyones’ eyes, choosing to stare at his fingers instead.

“And what are these powers?” Shiro probed, leaning forward a bit,”What are you able to do?”

“I can, I can… control emotions. Not like that! Like I can take away emotions and kinda harvest them I guess? And replace the emotions I took away with different ones,” Lance clenched his fist, forcing himself to explain further to avoid having to look at his teamates, his friends. “I was trying to put them into a physical state, so I could use them in combat and just to get them out of me. I’ve never tested one of the orbs on someone, but I know if you were to touch one you’d feel all the emotion pent up in there.” He created a small one, reaching inside of himself for that energy that was always there, ignoring the slight gasp that came from Allura. Lance shrugged half-heartedly, “It’s something I’ve been able to do since I was fifteen.”

“Have you ever…took some of our emotions?” Hunk asked quietly, placing a gentle hand on Lance’s shoulder. 

“I uh…yes. I just, I couldn’t stand knowing you guys were upset and that I could do something about it. Everyday I could feel your emotions and I just felt so, so guilty that I wasn’t doing what I could to help!” Lance spit out bitterly, rubbing a hand through this hair. 

“Lance… you shouldn’t have done that. Those were our emotions and you shouldn’t just take them from us without even telling us!” Keith yelled, standing up, “You had no right to make that decision!”

Lance looked up at them all, his eyes beginning to glow once again. “What did you want me to do? J-just sit there and let you feel that pain, watch as it festered and boiled inside of you? How could I do that to a person, to my friends?” Lance clenched his fists, his eyes slowly turning to that pale blue color. “Why can’t you just let me feel useful for once?”

Part Three

does anyone else with cptsd or bpd get these moments where you’re just lying or sitting and suddenly you’re having this feeling that feels like the worst feeling ever, it’s not panic or depression or anxiety, it kinda feels like guilt and you feel so gross and you just wanna rip your skin off, anything, to get rid of this feeling? It just makes you feel like you’re gonna throw up?

and it doesnt even last long, its just that when you feel it its the worst, and you dont feel like you can take this feeling for one more second?

i have had this since i was like 8 but it has been worse lately and its just The Worst

anonymous asked:

but, i mean.. what can we even do? Sounds like even you guys that are actually IN the industry cant actually do anything, and all us viewers have is a vague faceless entity that no one who actually works in the industry can name without threatening their careers... It just feels really hopeless. its getting really depressing the more clear it is that even media that claims/seems to be "progressive" still treats us like we're second class and shouldn't even be acknowledged beyond minor characters

It can be discouraging sometimes, that’s true. Sometimes some things make it through, and some don’t. It’s a tricky subject, not because it would threaten any careers, but rather these decisions aren’t always in our power. My sincere belief though, is that lgbt representation will change over time. Part of why I feel so honored to be on the Star crew is the fact the everyone is so eager for the inclusiveness that you guys deserve! I wish I could give a more reassuring or more substantial answer, but little by little people in the industry are trying to change things. The victories seem a bit small for now, but please know that you’re not forgotten.

anonymous asked:

do you think this comeback will be focused on a bunch of love stories? :/ i love bts and support everything they do but i will be disappointed if that's the case. it's cause i feel like i expect more and better from them you know?

BTS have loads of love songs, Save Me, I Need U, Blood Sweat & Tears, just to name a few. There is even War Of Hormones LOL (Self-explanatory). I think we should not put BTS in a category. Yes, they sing about depression, social issues, female empowerment and so on. But what made them do this in the first place? It’s them wanting to be as free with their music as possible, sing about what touches and affects them in today's society. They write from their experiences and what they watch and read. It’s only natural there would be love.

Love was made to look basic because of all the media showcasing it as some cringy feeling. At the end of the day, most of us fall in love with all kind of things/people on a daily. Some of us were healed and others were hurt by it. So; who knows how BTS will approach this subject if they ever wanna use it a s a core concept. Let’s wait for the surprise to judge dear, It’s BTS it’s hard to know what’s under their minds

Originally posted by jungkook-gifs

july 24, 2017 - 10:33 pm

been feeling very unproductive and depressed lately. struggling!!

i am in melbourne at the moment, having a look at universities and i am honestly even more unsure ahaha also my social anxiety is on overload so all i have been doing is staying in my hotel room and wasting time (not to mention that its freezing outside) - any suggestions from melbournians as to what else i could do?

i have been working on my brown summer online neuroscience course for the past few weeks, but the workload is so crazy and there are daily assignment deadlines. but im not consistent like that, it’s so difficult with adhd and when i am travelling with an irregular routine. I feel terrible but i really hope my instructors dont think im lazy and demotivated, i really enjoy the course and love it, i just cant sometimes.

A Message to all my INFP Tumblr Friends:

As an INFP, I find myself settling for things in life when I should be seeking for more. I find myself excepting the toxic relationships, when I should be looking for people who treat me right. So here is my advice to you: Don’t be like me and settling for crap. Surround yourself with people who inspire you, encourage you, and make you think deeply about life and all of its beauty and mystery. You don’t deserve half-assed friendships or relationships. You don’t deserve to feel like you are giving more than you receive from people in return. You deserve people who absolutely adore you even if you don’t adore yourself. Even if you feel like you aren’t worthy in some way. Even if you are struggling with anxiety, depression, or feel like you can never measure up to other peoples expectations of who they want you to be. I don’t care what your skin color is or what your sexual orientation may be. You are worthy of love. So I hope I encourage someone out there when is say this: even if you feel like your life is devoid of hope and you feel utterly helpless and alone, I can tell you that this is not the end. I know there is more to life because I’ve been there. You can overcome more than you think you can because you are strong. So find your inner fire and demand more from your life. Seek the good and you will find it. 

Dear Evan Hansen

THIS HAS LITERALLY TAKEN OVER MY LIFE NOW. ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY. LIKE I WILL LISTEN TO THIS SOUNDTRACK 24/7. It’s soundtrack and show I feel like is so much different to other musicals on Broadway currently. Mostly because DEH is more modern? As someone who used to blast things like Wicked and Hamilton, it’s good to have more of a modern soundtrack. It’s also very damn reliable. Especially I would think to people with depression, anxiety, etc. Evan is a very reliable person, to me I think and others. Then THIS FUCKING CAST. I FORGOT THERES ONLY 9 PEOPLE BECAUSE IT SOUNDS SO GOOD. THATS ALL IM GONNA SAY. Welp, my little “FUCK DEH IS GOOD” rant is over for now.

Kylo Ren is not an emo teen.
He’s depressed at the very least.

Snoke tried to seduce him to the dark side and twisted his way into his mind from a very young age.
Leia knew and didn’t tell Han, but sent him to be trained with Luke hoping to strengthen his ties to the light.

Now imagine a torn, particularly emotional, hurt and torn child, away from his family, training to be a Jedi. Training to let go of his pain, his fear, his anger. Luke was much older and he had trouble with calming down while training with Yoda.

Still what would a child do in order to not fail? Instead of finding control, it starts suppressing its emotions which is literally what drives people to depression in the first place. And if it got too tired of suppressing the dark it would reverse the process.

Now, I’m not saying that I don’t believe there’s more to Ben Solo becoming Kylo Ren, but even on that front his character is consistent. I don’t like it when it’s overdone, but a character that can’t handle his emotions is not a drama queen if those feelings make sense based on the narrative.

anonymous asked:

Hey,I just wanted to pass by and say that I really admire your willingness to share less popular opinions in the DA fandom,opinions that I myself share. I feel like this fandom is so toxic sometimes,and I'm sick to death of the mentality of templars are evil,mages are saints.I think Bioware put in effort to make it more complicated than that,and it shows. Oh,and Anders is probably the most despicable fucking fictional character I've ever stumbled upon in all my years on this planet. Cheers

Thank you, anon! I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate this message.

This fandom is toxic AF. There are some really nasty fandoms out there, but everything seems to pale in comparison to the DA fandom. Hell, even SuperWhoLock at its worst was healthier than DA. And it’s really depressing sometimes, to feel like hardly anyone else is willing to speak out. I know I come off as aggressive sometimes, but that’s because I’m screaming to make my voice heard over the nonstop circle jerk wank of “Anders was right” and “Mage Rights Or Mage Fights.”

Dragon Age is amazing. Not perfect, by any means, no, but the series has built this complex immersive world with so many facets and nuances and so many options to explore, and yet this fandom reduces it down to only a few “real” and “acceptable” choices, so much of which involves altering or falsifying things, while everything they don’t like is dismissed as “bad writing” or “OOC.”

The Templar and mage conflict is not black and white at all. There are some black and white elements to it, like the fact that bombing a place of worship full of non-combatants is wrong and immoral and terrorism no matter what, but neither side The One And Only Good side nor The Ultimate Evil. There are victims on both sides and people who take advantage of their power to abuse others on both sides.

There are truly very good people among the Templars, like Ser Bryant, who does everything he can to help refugees fleeing the Blight and offers the Warden what help he can. There are Templars who try hard who do the right thing and fall short sometimes, like Thrask and Cullen. There are Templars like Meredith who take their efforts to extremes in an attempt to overcorrect past mistakes, and then there are Templars like Karras, Alrik, and Mettin who are in it for sadistic kicks (and they are the only three named Templars in the games we see who abuse mages for sadistic purposes outright, unless I’m missing anyone named in DAI, but I don’t think I am). They are a very nuanced group with high and noble ideals, not all good, not all evil, and the fact of the matter is that their efforts are necessary for the good of Thedas, the good of mages, and the good of non-mages.

And the mages are NOT all the poor innocent tortured imprisoned victims the fandom makes them out to be. There is a MUCH higher number of mage antagonists throughout the games than there are Templar antagonists, particularly in the second game. And people try to justify maleficarum using very destructive and harmful magic killing so many innocent people by saying they have no choice but to defend themselves when they’re backed into a corner, but how were mages like Tarohne and Idunna and Quentin and Uldred defending themselves by kidnapping people, torturing them, killing them, and using necromancy/forcing demons into them for possession in any way defending themselves?

There are good mages out there, like Bethany, who’s one of the most truly good characters in the game. Circle mages and apostates alike, there are good people and terrible people and people who are very in between among them.

They are not black and white sides, and to try forcing them into this mold tramples all over the storytelling and efforts of the developers, not to mention the characterizations of so many people on both sides and in between the conflict. But such a huge part of this fandom tries to force their One True Narrative, and I hate it and refuse to accept it. I hate being told things like “Templars only want to kill all mages” and that I’m “a little bitch who hates oppressed people.”

The characters and stories of Dragon Age are so much more than what most of this fandom tries to make them out to be.

And how horrible is it for new people to enter this fandom and instantly be force-fed the toxic bullshit constantly propagated? It was for me. I wish when I entered the fandom last year that I’d found someone with the unpopular opinions I have now. I wish I wasn’t made to feel scared and guilty. I wish I hadn’t felt obligated to tiptoe around the feelings of abusive, toxic people. But my true feelings and opinions are out there now, and I won’t hesitate to stand by them.

So thank you for sending me this message, because sometimes I hate feeling almost alone in all this, and it’s really comforting to me to know that I’m not.

And yeah, Anders is the worst. The absolute fucking worst. There is nothing to excuse his words and actions, and the fact that people bend over backwards to justify and glorify what he says and does makes me physically nauseous. He is completely despicable.

I really don’t like 13 Reasons Why and I feel like i’m the only one. Idk i’ve watched maybe half of it and just as someone who suffered/suffers with depression it’s a lot more than just rumors being started about you and people at school not liking you. I just hate all the characters, I hate the parents, i hate Clay… so much.. i can’t stand his annoying, thought process of this person voiced that they were uncomfortable talking about what happened but i’m going to harass and bother them about it until they break because I need to know the relationship people had with another person even though its completely none of my business. And his dumb i’m not learning anything from these tapes and I’m just going to “get back’ at all the people who hurt this girl even though i don’t really know them that well. Idk maybe I’m just older and cynical and my high school experiences were never super awful but in my opinion I don’t like the show, it drags on and is boring, i’m constantly falling asleep to it and not really emotionally invested in any of the characters.

  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she means: Is Warren okay? I mean I get some of why he would take the most personal risk and be the one who blazes a trail on missions, because, like, he's selfless and he wants to make sure that it's safe for Kendra and everyone else, but it almost feels like he has a slight disregard for his own personal safety and though it could just be the same spark of adventure Patton has, I always saw Warren as slightly more subdued than Patton. Sometimes I wonder if Warren suffers from depression or if he feels like his life isn't as valuable as other Knights and so he does everything himself because if someone has to die, he'd rather be the one to do it because he's okay with the concept of death and maybe even he would welcome it.

kaptinkate  asked:

Omg, that depression comic. I feel like it personifies it to the letter. I felt that comic very deeply. Thank you for that.

Thank you for reading it - I felt the need to actually portray this “actuall physical activity” that Papyrus needs to perform, when Sans dives too deep into his own problems. And it may be just because Papyrus wants the attention from his brother first and foremost, but Sans gets saved from his thoughts that way, even if it’s just “by the way”.

I love them both very much.

kaz is depressed but he’s doing his best to Deal With It and/or Get Better, like, ‘i could lie in bed all day but it could be kind of fun to go out with my friends so i might as well see if it is.’ and ‘i guess me feeling bad isn’t a good enough reason to let these people get terrorized by demons so i should probably go to work…’

he doesn’t really do things for himself, but he’ll do stuff if there’s an external factor. lexy and gottlieb know that and ask him to do stuff all the time even if it’s just like *kaz voice* ‘i’m sad’ ‘we know kaz, we know’

keptins-been-shot  asked:

hey! So I have a two part question number one is do you think it's better to stick to the same cal intake daily or fluctuate between different ones throughout the week? Also, do you have any other mental disorders and how does your ED affect them? :):)

I think it’s better to fluctuate throughout the week :)
I do have some (depression, anxiety, probably more that aren’t diagnosed) and they make it difficult. The anxiety sucks because I feel like everyone might be looking at how fat I am or judging what i’m eating. The depression might be the worst though cause I put myself down 24/7 and it’s to the point where it’s like “even if I do get skinny and look pretty I will still have the most god awful personality ever.” (if that makes sense) So I feel hopeless about reaching my goal weight because when I do it probably wont change my social status.

also stimming isn’t even about toys. it’s about STIMulation.. be it having a neurological desire to move, or being stimulated by touch or pressure, or even stimulation from visuals and sound. it’s something innate in a lot of people who are on the autism spectrum or other developmental and neurological disorders, like with adhd..

the discussion isn’t really about toys. it’s about the fact that some people are stigmatised for their inherent behaviour, needs, and desires.. while the out-group are reducing it all down to toys.. and a fad or a trend..

and that is frankly my big issue with all of this.. we all need stimulation, we all need to move about, and a lot of people in general enjoy fidgeting and tactile stimulation.

but i frankly feel like that shouldn’t be conflated with what autistic or other neurodiverse people do.. not any more than conflating the sadness of someone neurotypical with the depression of someone bipolar.

you can draw parallels, you can say people can also do stuff… but it’s not the same.

and i feel like people are making it way too much about toys tbh… and also acting like people are trying to take away them? i don’t. i just don’t appreciate how things are being removed from their original context, and it gets treated as a trend, while it’s still stigmatised in its original context.

and as many have pointed out… this being treated as a trend has even gotten fidgeting toys banned in schools.

and i feel like this just adds up to people having proven they can’t be respectful about this. i have no trust that people are going to start having a respectful approach. so i will just say it… i don’t approve anymore of nts partaking in this sub-culture.

and i frankly find it repulsive some people saw this discussion and got a genuine need to coddle neurotypical people over it. that’s just too far.

angel-erzascarlet31  asked:

Not going to lie, I'm actually scared for the V route/excited. Just from the opening, I got hit in the feels, and I'm scared for what the V route is actually like. The OP doesn't have a fast and happy tone to it, it's slow and somewhat sad to listen to (I even teared up). It's so interesting because Chertiz was all like "Have a happy fun time." And I'm like "THIS DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A HAPPY TIME IT SEEMS DEPRESSING AND SAD." So yea... Honestly terrified/excited.

I really don’t want to jump to conclusions yet. Cheritz has phenomenal openings that only add more mystery rather than setting something, so… I understand you’re scared because the mood is very different, but really, let’s wait and just appreciate the beautiful work of art that is this video for now. ;)

on a more serious note i’ve realized that i’m not actually depressed anymore. i feel good about myself and my potential in life and the talents that i have. idk why i’m saying this but i thought you guys should know that i’m doing really well and stuff

anonymous asked:

i feel so much comfort in my room, its my safe space but its also like my worst enemy. by that i mean i wasted most of my time here being depressed, i have literally wasted my youth here (even tho im only 19), and i feel like im stuck in this prison and i dont know how to get of out it, its not like i can just go out, i dont have money and i have anxiety, i just feel like everything is so against me, like i was made up to fail and be miserable

u guys always have to hit me with the heavy stuff… not saying i blame you or anything it’s more just the more anons i get about this the less equipped i feel to answer it? here’s the thing first and foremost i only know shit from my own experience and sometimes not even that i’m just pulling stuff out of my ass like idk. i’m not a trained professional, i don’t have that much life experience, i make text posts on a blogging platform for god sakes so i just feel really scared i’ll fuck up my advice somehow.

i’ve gotten at least three anons about feeling like they’re stuck in a cycle of failure or stuck where they are and honestly all it’s let me know is that we all… feel this. we all feel stuck and stagnant in at least one point of our lives- especially now, when we’re in that cusp between youth and adulthood, when we suddenly have responsibilities, pressures to get our lives together, when we feel like every action we take right now will have consequences for the rest of our lives. it can be really overwhelming. especially when we’ve never had to deal with any of that before, and we suddenly start wondering if we actually equipped to handle any of it. now i’m just projecting my own feelings. bleh. idk. to start off with, you’re not alone and you’re definitely in good company.

i spend a lot of time in my room. when i was depressed, i spent every day in this room. i’d sit on my bed and stare at my computer screen and reject any offers people gave me to hang out or do anything. it was safe. there was no risk of social rejection or bad feelings or panic attacks because i knew my room and i was the only person in it. i loved my room. but like you, i knew it wasn’t healthy for me.

it’s good to have some place you can relax and feel safe in. but it can’t become a crutch, i don’t think.

it’s weird… making an effort to do things you really don’t want to do. when i first started hanging out with people again and going out it was really, strange? i felt annoyed at everything people did, i didn’t feel like a part of the group. i didn’t like being away from my place of solace. i would always just want to go home.

i don’t know where i’m going with this, honestly. somewhere in between all that time i became who i am now, and i’m not like a completely 100% productive driven member of society. but i love leaving my room now. and i love coming back to it after a day of laughter and warmth and sun.

it’s not… no one’s ever stuck where they are. change, growth, it’s inevitable. i don’t know everything you’re going through so i don’t think i can speak as an authority on your own life- but no one was made to fail. or be miserable.

there are so many people that have been in your exact shoes- and they’ve grown and changed and maybe they still are haunted by their demons at times, maybe it’s still a daily struggle, but that weight they felt before has lightened. at least, that’s how it is for me. i don’t know if what i did would help you- i don’t know if we had the same obstacles, but don’t give up? god that sounds so cliche. but it’s true. life really is just about not giving up. and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and making an effort. it’s incredibly difficult not to feel that you’re never going to get better, especially during your really dark times, it can seem overwhelming, the very prospect of trying. but you can’t let yourself believe that this will be your situation forever.

growing, changing, it’s all about making little, achievable goals. maybe they still push you, but they’re not overwhelming. little things, just taking a walk outside or in the park or something. little things like hanging out with someone for an hour or two. or even staying in your room but making it a place of productivity, making art or writing something. little things.