i feel like im worth something sometimes

  • teru: i'm not GAY i love girls! i love when they pay attention to me and give me compliments and make me feel like im actually worth something and give me the sense of security in my identity that i crave every day... haha love girls!
  • teru: im totally perfectly mentally healthy! its just that sometimes i just get horrible thoughts about myself for no reason for a period of weeks and after that i sort of wish i was never born, but thats just because im an awful human being!!! haha mental illness who?
  • teru: i definitely dont hate myself im actually way too overconfident and sometimes i feel like i deserve the world even though im just a commoner and probably worth less than trash because im a horrible person for thinking that probably haha oh well.

anonymous asked:

dara is it weird that at times when im (highly) stressed im thinking about quitting my transition (i'm not on hormones yet tho)? sometimes when i'm not feeling great i'm like is it worth it? i am relatively sure about transitioning but sometimes i have doubts. love u <3

i hate thinking about embodying your identity and self as something you must put on & do but it does feel like that a lot of the time and to some extent it is an action and a daily choice so it does get difficult to handle and sometimes you just want life to be easy but it feels like it gets easier the more you put yourself in line toward manifesting however you see yourself…like all that gets more comfortable and less tiring generally idk maybe not LOL but idk like allowing yourself a full shot @ life if this is something you feel is just not something i consider affordable for me to quit doing and so like idk i continue

astro has these glasses that make him look sorta like this pedophile that i had a crush on as a kid. the pedo was really kind to me sometimes but other times hed emotionally abuse me to get nudes from me (who was still a kid) and then he abandoned me.

when astro wears the glasses it makes me happy ? i guess some sort of sick validation in feeling like someone who abandoned me actually liked me and that im actually worth something to someone

Binge

I need to start thinking of binging as a bad thing
When I feel like binging I think of all the happy thoughts I NEED TO THINK OF THE NEGATIVES…..

1. The obvious number one awful/negative reason to not binge— I feel so terribly sick afterwards like (death) I can’t move, my stomach hurts so bad, im so bloated! sometimes get acid reflux (probably bc I overfill my stomach) messes up my bowels for the next few days…

2. It’s a set back from weight loss goals!!! A major set back each binge sets me back a week and half!!!!!!!!

3. The money you spend on binge floods you eat them so fast spending 30 dollars for a hours worth of food is ridiculous!!!!!!! You could be buying a new make up palette,cute dress, or saving for something more expensive!

4. The fact that it’s not good for your health the binge foods and quantity have to be building up fat in your arteries, etc

5. The emotional toll. You feel awful about yourself the whole next week. And you are bitchy to everyone else tooo! Plus you can’t ️workout for the next couple days ️bc your so bloated moving hurts!!!

6. You can’t have a healthy relationship with another person while you are binging… So deal with it now while you are alone

7. It’s not a healthy relationship with food (I don’t have one anyways butt…I would love to learn how to have just a treat meal and not a binge)