i feel like i feel the opposite of how everyone thinks i am supposed to feel

anonymous asked:

Hi Alice, odd question but: Do you believe asexuals belong in the LGBT community? I have a friend who identifies this way, but as a trans girl, I'm struggling to understand how she has to go through the same things as an LGBT person by being asexual. And struggle aside, I don't even see how asexuality is THAT different from heterosexuality, just with more... hesitation!? Maybe this sounds rude, but I know you've written about asexual people etc, and I wondered what you thought. No shade intended

Hi there. I’m glad you reached out to me about this because you must have really upset your friend by saying stuff like this to them.

It’s easy to see why not only cishet people, but also LGBT+ people, think that asexuality is fake. The world is awash with sex and sexual attraction. It’s everywhere. And everyone is supposed to want it and feel it. It’s so extremely normalised that the idea that someone could be literally UNABLE to feel sexual attraction is, to many people, absolutely bizarre and a joke.

Even if you acknowledge that asexuality is real, it’s also easy to see why you would be so quick to reject and get angry at asexual people who call themselves LGBT+. Because asexual people are not like you, are they. Unless they are trans, asexuals don’t have gender troubles, and unless they experience same-gender romantic attraction, asexuals don’t experience same-gender attraction! Lesbian, bi, gay etc people can all be joined together in their experience of same gender attraction, and all trans folks, binary and non binary, can be joined together in their experience of feeing a disconnect from their assigned birth gender.

The result? No one wants asexuals near them. People can’t relate. No one else feels the way asexuals do and people don’t think they should be part of the group. They’re not the same as you.

But oh god, they are not allowed in the cishet club either.

The first thing you need to try and unlearn is that asexuality is in any way similar to heterosexuality. It’s not. It’s so, so fucking not. It’s painful how different it feels to be asexual compared to being heterosexual. Telling an ace person that asexuality isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’ is about as accurate as saying being gay isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’. Being asexual means you do not experience sexual attraction, ever. EVER. And while that might seem easy to you, it’s an extremely painful and terrifying thing to learn about yourself, in a world where everyone is expected to have an array of sexual experiences, fall in love, get married, and anyone who doesn’t do that is strange and a freak.

Learning you are asexual can be terrifying. When you realise you’ve never had a crush, when all your friends have had ten each, you are terrified. When you pass the age where people have started dating and having sex and you still feel nothing - NOTHING - you are terrified. When you think about ever falling in love and the idea disgusts you, or you think about falling in love and you crave it, god you CRAVE it, but you know you can’t ever feel that, you are terrified. When you realise you will never be able to enjoy a normal romantic/sexual relationship, the ones full of passion like you see in the movies, and people will reject you because you can’t fancy them in that way, and there’s a higher chance for you than anyone else that you will simply die alone, without love, without children - you are terrified.

You think being ace is the same as heterosexuality? You think it’s an easy thing to learn about yourself? Explain the terror, then. I’m all ears.

The fact you see asexuality as 'hesitation’ is really horrifying to me. Asexuals aren’t attracted to the opposite gender but 'hesitant’ to act on it. Asexuals DO NOT feel attraction. To anyone. It’s not a choice. It’s not a way of life. It’s not the same as celibacy out of choice, or being a 'prude’, or waiting till marriage. It is ingrained in you, just like being gay is, just like being trans is. It is a part of you that no matter how hard you try to will it away, no matter how hard you try to persuade yourself otherwise, you cannot help it. You DO NOT feel attracted to ANYONE.

And in saying all this, I fully acknowledge that asexuals do not experience the extent of oppression that other LGBT+ folks do. There are no laws regarding asexuality. Lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and other LGBT+ folks no doubt experience a higher level and intensity of systematic oppression to asexuals, more frequently go through hard experiences due to their orientation or gender. But since when did being LGBT+ become a competition for 'who’s the most oppressed’? Is that what LGBT+ is? You’re only allowed in the club if you’re 'oppressed enough’? If you’re 'gay enough’? If you’re 'trans enough’?

If you need persuading that asexuals do experience their own form of oppression, though, consider the number of asexuals who are coerced into sex in order to 'fix’ them. Consider the emotional pain that I have already discussed, of feeling that there is something fundamentally wrong and gross about you because you feel attracted to no one. Consider the number of asexuals who are hounded or emotionally abused by their families for failing to find partners. Consider the number of asexuals who force themselves to have sexual experiences, because it is the norm, because they don’t even know what asexuality is, because THEY think that they are just 'hesitant’, despite finding sex disgusting and feeling no desire to do it. Do you really think asexuals are just running around, free and happy and content in who they are? They aren’t. I’m not.

So go ahead. Cast aside asexuals if you want. Call them attention-seeking, call them special snowflakes. Ignore the pain they feel. Make them go through it alone, in pain, terrified of what they are. Why on earth would the LGBT+ community be a place to support people like that!?

Messages like the one you have just sent me gives me further reason to never talk about that part of myself. To just sit and cry about it at home day after day because I do not like myself. Because I feel that nobody will accept me or understand who I am. I could list the number of things people have said to me to discredit and laugh at this part of myself, but it’s people like you who make me embarrassed to talk about it, too scared to own a label and talk about it freely and openly.

I thought, going into this, that the LGBT+ community was one of total respect, understanding, and empathy. I learnt pretty quickly that it is not.

I send love to your asexual friend. I really, really do.

Disclaimer: I am very aware of the nuances of asexuality, of the differences between romantic/aesthetic/sexual attraction, but sadly it seems that many people can’t even grasp the basic concept of asexuality, so I don’t quite think they’re ready for that yet.

10

The Many Faces of Victor Nikiforov - Episode 3

And we’re back with episode 3! There’s actually a lot to be said about Victor here even though the focus isn’t on him most of the time. We get to see the choreo for Eros and Agape for the first time, get some more insight in how Victor acts around people other than Yuuri, and truly get introduced to Victor the Coach for the first time.

Again, I’d like to delve into this set and look at the specific scenes chosen. I hope everyone enjoys!


We start off with the intro choreo to Agape. When I chose this gif, I found myself stuck between three different options: the intro, the close-up of him skating with his fingers steepled, and the ending. In the end, I realized it didn’t matter because I had the same thing to talk about for all of them. With the intro, we see Victor reaching out with open hands as if to bring something into himself, in the middle it seems as if he is thankful and holding something gently, and at the end he presses back out from his chest with his hands firmly clasped. If we combine this with the concept of agape – unconditional love – we can see a possible interpretation of bringing love into oneself, holding it gently, then, with a firm grasp on it, giving back. I’ll talk a bit more about the meaning of the Eros and Agape routines in respect to Victor in a few, but I still felt the choreo was interesting in the respect that it also tells a story – a story of the acceptance of outside love, of cherishing that love, and of giving it back.

The second and third gifs I’d like to first talk about as a pair. Both are from the Eros choreo, but if you look at Victor’s expressions, are almost complete opposites on the emotional spectrum. The first looks to be confident and suave, and the second looks so vulnerable and sad that I couldn’t help but wonder at the contrast. Then I thought about the story of Eros, how it tells a story of a playboy who goes after “the most beautiful woman” (I say that in quotations because there’s actually no woman in this tale, it’s actually a man stealing the heart of another man then disappearing from his sight). Then I started to question the choreo in this program, whose perspective is it being told from? In the end, I came to the conclusion that it’s both. We see the playboy at the start (the first of these two gifs) and at the end when there’s a pushing away gesture. As for the jilted man, we see him in that second of the two gifs. Victor undoubtedly gets lost in his skating and his expressions become very telling as to the emotional meaning behind the programs he’s skating.

On that note, let’s look at these two individually. The suave, seductive look at the beginning of the program to me always looks so empty. After you get past the initial heart-eyed reaction of Victor looking that way in your direction, you start to see how devoid of emotions that expression really is. What we’re actually watching is Victor’s media face in action. I feel there are a couple of reasons for this but the primary one is simply that Victor is not a playboy. He tells this story with two parts within Eros’ program, but he at heart is not and has never been a playboy. So the only way he knows how to portray something like that is through his carefully crafted image that relies entirely on the watchers being too smitten with him to catch the fact that there’s nothing of him actually in it. In most cases, it takes multiple watches of this particular Victor smile to catch it but when you see it, it’s really difficult to unsee.

On the other hand, we get the third gif of this set, where he looks so incredibly sad during the Eros choreo. If you check out Yuuri skating the exact same clip, you can see that his face is completely different (confident even), which says to me that Victor’s expression here is intentional on the side of the creative team. The reason for that? This is Victor emulating the man who was seduced and then abandoned, left with his own thoughts for three months and attempting to figure out what exactly happened the night he was (quite literally) swept off his feet. We don’t know if this expression existed at this point in the program before Victor came to Hasetsu, but the fact that this is not the face of the playboy within the story is undeniable. And the sadness we can see painted on Victor’s face is a clear indicator of how he feels in this position at this point in time. Unlike when he tries to play the part of the playboy, this role is much truer to him. We are looking at the true Victor Nikiforov, unshielded and wearing his heart on his sleeve. Truly, something that one can only see on the ice.

This fourth gif… well, I could say a lot of things, but they would mostly be stating the obvious. He’s gunning really hard for Yuuri in this moment, both (I think) because he wants Yuuri as well as because he knows Yuuri wants him. Victor isn’t as oblivious to Yuuri’s interest as Yuuri thinks (or rather, hopes) he is, even if Yuuri keeps trying to run away from it. That said, if you compare this Victor, who is actively trying to seduce Yuuri and show him “what Eros is to him” to the suave look at the start of Victor’s rendition of Eros, it brings to light just how false the look in the Eros choreo is. Because if this look here is genuine, then there’s no way that the look in the program is too.

Even though the face in this fifth gif is meant to be comedic, I can’t help but think deeply about this scene. This is the face Victor wears immediately after Yurio calls him out for saying that Agape isn’t a program where one shows off their confidence, and yet still skates it so confidently. Victor then gets asked what Agape is to him and he deflects the question back onto Yurio with an overly bright smile and a flimsy answer – “you just feel it, how am I supposed to tell you?”. What this says to me isn’t that Victor is some sort of genius, as others in-show continue to say he is, but quite the opposite (in terms of his own emotional awareness and how that comes out in his skating, anyway). Victor skates out his feelings, the same way that Yuuri does, and that always reflects into his programs. But, as we can see if we look at Stammi in episode 1 and combine it with the knowledge that he was lonely but didn’t know it, he isn’t always fully aware of the full emotional depth to these programs in regards to himself. So, if we assume that Victor’s confusion and obvious diversion mean that he doesn’t know what Agape the program means to him, then can we figure it out? I think so. There are many things that agape as a base concept could mean for Victor – it could mean Makkachin, his skating family, or his fans, among others. What I think it means, when you take in the entirety of the program’s meaning and how he skates it, is that it’s a love letter to his audience. It’s always looked to me like a complete story. Going back up to the first gif, where I described Agape as an acceptance of love and a giving back, I feel that we can apply that here. The program also feels like an all-encompassing gesture, almost like a goodbye of sorts. We can look at Eros and Agape as programs that are 2 sides of the same coin. If Eros is Victor’s struggles to move on to a new part of his life (a beginning), then Agape is his struggles to move on from his past and present (an end). So, even if Victor doesn’t realize it, I think that Agape was meant to be a goodbye to his skating career. He knew his time was coming, and while he didn’t want to let it go, he also knew it was almost time. And so, Agape was born as a way to say to his audience, “thank you for the love and support you have given me all this time”. Truly “Agape” indeed.

Returning to the comedy, this sixth gif is pretty much a clip of Victor’s suffering in action. Just earlier that week he shoved his face right up in Yuuri’s, got the guy all flustered, and asked him what Eros meant to him. And the answer that Yuuri came to was food. FOOD. Not only does Victor know that this isn’t what Yuuri’s Eros actually is (he knows it’s him), it doesn’t even make sense to the story of the program. From a more outside perspective, sure, food can make sense if you only look at the written definition for desire, but on a conceptual level, what Eros as a program truly embodies, katsudon couldn’t make any less sense. Unfortunately, there’s not much more Victor can do other than scream internally about Yuuri’s obtuseness to the entire concept of sexuality that seems to only exist when he’s sober.

Or he can go drown his frustrations in alcohol, which is what he ends up doing. Throwing his responsibilities for the night out the window, he decides that drinking until dawn is the best way to come to terms with his current situation. As comedic as this scene is initially played out to be, it actually brings up a serious underlying issue. When Victor doesn’t know what to do with his emotions, or he feels lost, he drowns his sorrows in alcohol. Whether he even realizes he’s doing this, we can’t know for sure because he’s never mentioned it himself but I worry both for his kidney and his mental health that this seems to not just be a one-off occurrence but a habit. Even if you factor in the possible use of the Russians being heavy drinkers stereotype, the fact that Victor is shown drinking every night since he arrives in Hasetsu and then goes off to get smashed after getting ignored (yet again) by Yuuri before proceeding to coach with a hangover in the middle of an intense training week doesn’t speak well to how he processes his unpleasant emotions and situations.

The third to last choice is a gif, even if it’s not moving. I chose this still image shot specifically because it presents us a view of Victor with a very uniquely complicated expression and none of the other shots of him during this scene really portray how far into his own head he is in this moment. I feel that this is Victor when he realizes he’s at a crossroads in his life and there’s nothing more he can do to affect the outcome. He’s taking a moment before he needs to go out and judge both Yuris’ skating to consider what either result will mean for him. On one hand, if Yurio outperforms Yuuri, which Victor at this point know is the most probable given what he’s seen over the last week, then he will need to give up on the spark of hope he felt from the banquet, the viral Stammi video, and saw in Yuuri himself when he accepted Eros. Victor would return to Russia, to the place that he felt was suffocating him, as a coach and not even a skater. He knows that his heart doesn’t want this, even if his logical mind knows that if Yuuri can’t perform to his potential then it’s what he’s promised to both of them. For Yuuri, the only way he could outperform Yurio would be to show Victor that spark that was shown within the viral video, to reawaken the side of himself that he showed Victor at the banquet, and to channel the confidence he had when he was first assigned Eros and demanded Victor stay if he won. For Victor to get the outcome he wants, Yuuri is going to need to pull out all the stops and show to the world (or at least those watching this ice show) the potential that Victor has seen only in small spurts so far. Looking forward from there, Victor knows that working with Yuuri isn’t going to be straightforward, but it’s still what his heart desires. He knows he has a bias, but as much as Yurio yells about Victor breaking a promise by coming to Japan (he didn’t, he still choreographed a debut program for him), he is still a man of his word and will go back to Russia if Yuuri can’t show Victor right here and now that that spark still exists. In light of all that, it’s no wonder Victor foregoes the pep talks during the warm-ups!

This second to last gif was the moment that spawned a world of controversy when this episode first aired. There were many people who initially found it hard to believe that Victor could take a situation involving Yuuri this seriously, but now that we’ve learned so much more about him, we can look at this scene a lot more critically. The thing that stands out to me the most is Victor’s honesty. Yuuri confides to Victor, through his actions more than his words, that he’s anxious but is swallowing down that emotion for the sake of showing Victor that he is all that Victor has seen in him. That he can perform up to Victor’s standards. And Victor takes this seriously and honestly. Victor does care about Yuuri, on every level that this question could imply. Yuuri wasn’t looking for a response when he admitted his worries to Victor through seeking out a comfort hug but he got one anyway. Victor reassured Yuuri on a deeper level than just “I’m looking forward to your skating”. He was assured that Victor is there for more than that, as well as for more than flirting, but for Yuuri as an entire individual. And Victor wants nothing more in this moment than to see Yuuri succeed. Victor does still want to stay in Japan, and he lets Yuuri know this through the exact words he uses – a direct response to Yuuri’s wish for if he wins, to continue eating katsudon with Victor. As tough as Victor has had it since he got to Japan, he still doesn’t want to leave. And I think this is exactly what Yuuri needed in that moment; honesty, and the reassurance that his feelings were reciprocated.

This last gif is one of the first real glimpses we get of Victor the Coach. Even at this early point, we can attribute his pat on the back then instant critique way of greeting Yuuri as he came off the ice as an emulation of the coaching style that he has had used with himself for years. Victor would have definitely seen how other coach and skater pairs interacted, but the only real long-lasting experience he’s had with a coach has been with Yakov. We know from watching the show that Victor’s coaching style evolves (and quite rapidly) to suit Yuuri’s needs but it’s fascinating to see where he begins, and how confused he is when it very obviously doesn’t work with his student.


That ended up becoming a lot longer than I initially planned but it turns out I had a lot of thoughts, especially concerning Victor’s portrayal and interpretations of Eros and Agape. If you got this far then I hope you enjoyed and if the wall of text was too much then I still hope you liked the gifset regardless! Thanks for reading! :)

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Bonus because I can never get enough of Victor skating:

Just something I’ve noticed about the last sequence...

Ah, the last sequence. Everyone is understandably focused on the parts with Larry because of reasons, but I think the little moments mixed in with the Larry parts are also significant.

Dean waking up after the hex, the hex starting to affect Dean, who is having problems doing the job. A neutral premise to the events that follow, I guess. Of course, you can also google ‘rabbit symbolism’ and find out that Symbolic rabbit meanings deal primarily with abundance, comfort, and vulnerability. Traditionally, rabbits are associated with fertility, sentiment, desire, and procreation. Dean’s disgust about the corpse in the morgue can also be seen as meaningful of his desire of living, of life, of the things associated to rabbits, which are the opposite of death.

So, comfort, vulnerability, desire… Dean seeking emotional comfort and sex with feelings, right? Let’s see what comes after this.

Ha! The waitress slaps him because he didn’t show up when they’d arrange to meet after the bar closed. She was busy doing her job (she says the bar was super busy that night) so she arranged to meet him afterwards (“we were supposed to meet after close-up, but you never showed”), and she learned that he’d left like his pants had taken fire. Nothing has happened between the two of them, because hooking up was what was supposed to happen but Dean left to chase Gideon (incidentally, a Cas parallel*). In fact, when Dean and Sam first start questioning her about the night before, she sounds jealous of Larry, because Larry got the attention she didn’t. By saying that Dean had had the hots for Larry all along, she’s calling him gay and blaming him for not meeting her as he’d promised. Basically: the sex with the lady didn’t happen. When she said they blew off some steam, she was presumably gauging Dean’s reaction, because it makes zero sense for her to have actually interrupted working to get with Dean when she emphasized that she had a lot of work to do and she arranged to meet with Dean after she’d finish working for that reason.

*Dean chases a male witch that is telling his… partners in crime? companions? friends? siblings? (they use the word brother a lot but don’t seem to have definitive ideas of what they are exactly) to run and save themselves. In the promo for the next episode, someone is telling his… partners in crime? companions? friends? siblings? (they use the word brother a lot but don’t seem to have definitive ideas of what they are exactly) to run and save themselves. So if Gideon is a Cas mirror, that opens up interesting scenarios of possible foreshadowing, but I don’t want to use this post for that topic.

I am really, really sorry about this, but in an episode filled with innuendo to the brim, you can’t tell me that isn’t supposed to be… you know… a metaphor. When Sam has him sit down in front of the tv, there is a moment of miscommunication where Dean thinks Sam is going to show him a tv channel that airs porn. So the scene has a certain layer added to it - Dean for a moment wonders if this is the kind of situation of… you know the kind of thing he watches that has two guys and a lady in it, like he said in the bar in 8x23? (Not the first time he doesn’t know who Sam is - remember how when, as Dean Smith, he assumed Sam was hitting on him. But I’m digressing.)

Let’s be real, that is a flower ejaculating on a dog, and we’ve talked to the death about which characters are associated to flowers and dogs so I’ll just leave it here.

(Part of me is screaming ‘do not post this’ because this is the kind of thing that gets you flock of haters calling you delusional and other very ableist insults. Anti-Destiel people, if you’re reading this, please let me have my harmless fun in my tiny corner of the internet. My friends and I here are using a piece of entertainment to get entertained and have fun and play with it together. Don’t harass people for something like this.)

The next moment is Dean’s exhilaration at the idea that their best friend is an angel. This is Dean smiling bright at the idea of Cas. We don’t know how much of Cas he remembers at this moment, but it makes Dean happy.

What’s honorable about a miniature bar in a motel room? Everything.

The last moment is different than the previous ones - in fact I think this last moment is meant to suggest that Dean remembers the events that have occurred between the hex and the end of the spell (the entire last sequence is about Dean remembering, since he can now remember Larry, that stands for everything that happened before the hex), ergo including his conversations with Rowena (it would also explain why he feels comfortable around her after she lifts the spell and they play the joke on Sam together and laugh together - he remembers her being emotionally open with him).

So all of this happens inside the sequence of Dean riding Larry. Do whatever you want with this. You can feel free to continue believing that the show isn’t setting up for a sexual relationship between Dean and Cas, I’m not here to force people to believe one thing or another.

But the episode is about Dean ditching a pretty girl to chase a guy who is framed as a Cas parallel, in addition to Dean being proud of his riding skills and generally being unapologetic about loving unmanly things.

Griel: Dragon Boyfriend 1

Part One of a dragon commission for @ladyccr Part Two is coming soon.

You had always had a secret dream that something would come and destroy the castle. You dreamed your annoying little sister’s room would be the first to go. You hated the joy the thought brought you but you allowed yourself to indulge in it. You knew if anything like that were to happen you’d never forgive yourself for wishing it. Dreams were meant to be just that, dreams.

You had been dreaming a lot recently. Stories had been surfacing almost constantly of attacks on villages and other castles. Orcs and dragons were the most common. There were talks of Rakshasa armies rising in the east as well. One of your father’s closest allies had recently been sacked. Their castle and everything plundered, his daughter was still missing.

Keep reading

Värvet pod with Bill Skarsgard.

Bill Skarsgard, 27 years old and already spot on as an actor. It’s not news that Bill Skarsgard is a flaming hot name in Hollywood. Now he’s on the big screen in over 70 countries worldwide. He has walked the old path to a great career, from smaller jobs that developed into bigger ones. Bill has before IT gotten smaller attention in the media. He’s born 1990, fourth child of Stellan Skarsgard. It’s been seven years since his debut in Simple Sinom and Behind blue skies. In 2013 he got his first international role in Hemlock Grove. He’s in Sweden to promote his new upcoming movie IT.

Kristoffer: Talk.

Bill: Hello, Hello, can you hear me?

K: Yes I can hear you perfectly.

B: Little to good maybe.

K: You’re good.

*Laughing*

K: Where are we?

B: We’re at The Grand Hotel.

K: Yes that’s right, how are you?
B: I’m good,very good. I currently at my third cup of coffee for the day.

K: Well, now you’ve been acting for such a long period of time, yet you’ve only had this amount of attention these past 4 years.
B: I don’t think I’ve ever had this amount of attention before. It a new feeling however ti’s a movie that’s got a worldwide interest which is a rather odd feeling.

K: How does it feel, I mean it’s a part of your job?
B: It’s surreal. So many people interested in the movie, for example Dwayne ’The Rock’ Johnson the muscle guy in Fast and Furious posted a picture of Pennywise and wrote that it was his favorit movie, the directors and actors are great and that Bill Skarsgard is a great Pennywise. It’s absurd since he got over 90 Million followers. Plus the movie is out now in the US.

K: Do you enjoy it? The attention.
B: I don’t know. I like the experience, it’s fun and all that yet I can’t say I’m someone who enjoys or finds it necessary to get all the attention. I like to separate my private life and my professional acting life. Like I don’t have the need for Twitter and Instagram.

K: Yet you’re active on social media right?
B: No.

K: So you have other people doing it for you then?
B: No, there’s no one doing that or what do you mean?

K: Because I’m following you all those platforms you just mentioned. Or I thought I did.
B: Really? But no, that’s not me. I know that there’s is Twitter accounts that claiming to be me and then there’s fan accounts but they’ve made it very clear that they’re only fan accounts. However I’m not so sure what to do about that. I’ve thought about creating an account so people would know the truth like even you believe that those accounts were real.

K: Okay because it says ’Sorry for being so bad at posting here, I’m using my Instagram more’ which makes it rather believable.
B: I think it’s rather creepy. *Laughs*

K: For me it’s huge that you been sitting next to Jimmy Kimmel as a guest, how did it feel?
B: Absurd. I thought what am I supposed to do on an american talkshow for the first time. Who am I supposed to be? That nice, relaxed and perfect actor, being THE moviestar or that awkward, mystical artist. It’s the question about who you present yourself to an audience. Beforehand I had some ideas. Who are you supposed to be infront of an audience at Jimmy Kimmel. I was told a few week before that I was going to be on Jimmy Kimmel and got terrified, fun and surreal. As time passed I got calm since being on Jimmy Kimmel is just like doing any other interview I do all the time. However not to make this story longer than it has to be I got there and they guided me into this greenroom with my agents and managers to get ready. As I’m getting ready there’s this screen with the show on so I’m sitting there, getting my make up ready and Jimmy suddenly said ’Tonights guest is Bill Skarsgard from IT’. When I heard that it was such a bizarre feeling, like there’s one of those glitches in Matrix, he’s not supposed to say my name. Then someone walks inside and says that it’s my turn before guiding me into this room which is not bigger than a wardrobe with a big door. They explain to me what’s going to happen, that Jimmy will say a few things before the door opens before they leaved me alone in there. However I think they did that a little too early since I probably stood there for about 2 minutes as the show is ongoing outside that big door. When I finally walked out and me Jimmy for the first time I wanted to say that ”This feels like a glitch in Matrix” however he just says ”Hi you’re from Sweden how’s that?” and I’m just like ”Ehm, yeah it’s good,” which made him smile. Then I realized that I have no control over this what so ever, all I need is to keep up with him thought out the interview.

K: So you didn’t know what he would say beforehand?
B: Yes, before meeting him I had a smaller interview with the team and project leaders told me that Jimmy would talk about my Swedish origin in the beginning.

K: Then the question is, which Bill Skarsgard did we see on Jimmy Kimmel?
B: I have to say myself. When I had thought about it, it felt better to just be myself. I didn’t feel like being someone I’m not. Yet it’s a pretty deep question who you are when you really think about it.

K: Now you’ve been working over there for about five years now, I know that when you first got there you got a language coach. As a guest on Jimmy Kimmel, did you feel nervous about letting your Swedish tongue slip through?
B: No, I’ve been over there for such a long time now. I think I’ve even reached that point where it feels easier to express myself in English than in Swedish or at least it takes some time to switch to Swedish when I return home. As I said it’s because I’ve been there for such a long time, I have been doing a lot of interviews, jobs and not to mention I have very close friends there as well.

K: Amazing, I actually spoke to a close friend that moved to New York and told him that he’s like a whole new person when he’s speaking English. When he speaks Swedish he this very self-contained which is the total opposite when he’s speaking English, then he’s all flirty and such.
B: Really?
K: Yes
B: Did you notice that or did he tell you?
K: I noticed it yet I don’t know if he agrees with me. So my question is do you feel like you’re different when you’re speaking English?
B: I don’t think so. Swedish people are one of the best English speakers from non english speaking countries, as well as Holland. Like you don’t have to learn Swedish to talk to a swede, you can speak English to anyone. However when you’re in a country or in a group with English as their native language then you might feel a little restrained since you can tell jokes in the same way and when you try to tell a story or so it get’s all confusing. For me I had that feeling when I was younger however I think I’ve developed so much and I don’t feel restrained when I’m speaking which is amazing.

K: Have you listened to Värvet before?
B: A little yet I don’t listen a lot on radio. You do podcasts as well right?
K: This is a podcast.
B: See, I can’t tell.

K: I usually got more time to interview my guests so let’s get to it. You’re Pennywise in IT, this might sound odd, but is Pennywise a main character?
B: Ehm.. I wouldn’t say that. I am the titel roll, but the shark in Jaws is not the main character (In Swedish is: Hajen in Hajen.)
K: The shark didn’t won an Oscar.
B: Or the T-rex in Jurassic Park. I’m doing the iconic character but no the main.

K: Your career in America has gone by fast, how do you feel about it?
B: No, I don’t know if I feel that way. The first international project I ever did was Hemlock Grove over five years ago. I’m 27 now so five years is a pretty long period of time. I’m a whole new person now than I was back then yet I won’t be a new person in five years. The age 22-27 there’s a log going on and you develop as a human being. So my career since my first job till now have been a long one.

K: The most difficult times?
B: In life or?
K: These years, but yeah sure.
B: I don’t know. When I first read the scrip to Hemlock Grove I loved the pilot. I thought that it would be an interesting project with a script I loved, the words were amazing and the writer whose one of my best friends today. However I didn’t know him then. Sadly I got to see what the industry can do to a project. It didn’t develop in the direction I thought it would, there was a lot of politics surrounding it. It was rather odd for me because when you work with movies or series, in Sweden you have a director who’s written the script him/herself and is fully in charge. In the end of Hemlock Groveit felt like no one or everyone were in charge. Then suddenly they changed the writer and practically everyone else before season 2-3. It went from a character I loved to someone who said things I didn’t like and the story was not what I expected. The last year in Toronto with a temperature about 20 below zero. I’ve never faced such a chilly climate and I’m from Stockholm, however then it felt like my character where in the hands of others. As the result of that I lived a very destructive life with Landon who also starring in Hemlock Grove.

K: You’ve said that before, living destructively, what do you mean? Drugs and alcohol?
B: Well, the destructive part is that you don’t care for yourself. Some people might never leave the bed but I’m not like that. I got myself into destructive relationships in one way or another. I wouldn’t call it depression since it’s something completely different and way more serious. Maybe more aggression. Yet when I look back those years were very formative for me. I got a lot of experience about the industry, everything behind it, politics and how I react to it. I wouldn’t change it for anything.
K: Yet you’re not proud of the outcome of the product?
B: People like the series and it got some charm to it. A few things are nice yet for me it’s more about my own personal journey. The series were based on a book I liked, then people who shouldn’t be involved with the creative process joined the production.
K: Then you shouldn’t work with advertising, that happens everyday.
B: I can see that.
K: You said you didn’t do anything else after that for about six months.
B: Correct.
K: How do you feel about that?
B: I don’t know. As an actor you get a lot of free time, between jobs you’re unemployed. I like free time when you got a job but I dislike being unemployed since I don’t know when or if I’m getting my next job. It’s rather stressful.

K: How do you deal with that?
B: I don’t know. I’m trying to keep myself occupied, trying to develop my own things.
K: Are you writing something on your own?
B: Yes, I’ve started recently since I find it rather intriguing. I don’t like the passiveness in being an actor, you always rely on other people thing about you. It makes you feel helpless which I don’t like. That’s why I want to create things on my own. Now I need to find a script I like, then I have to fit to the script to get a chance to go to an audition so I can try to convince them that I can do it.
K: Can you say anything about what you’re writing?
B: Yes, I’m writing a script to a short film. I’m taking small steps to get to where I want in the future, to direct as well.
K: I wanted to avoid to talk about your family, however it feel like you’re the only one doing that out of everyone whose acting.
B: No, Gustaf and Alexander has written and even directed a few things.
K: Oh sorry for my lack of information.
B: Everyone has different needs. My father has never directed even if I think he would be amazing at doing so but he doesn’t have that need.

K: You’re literally the it actor now. How do you managing with that?
B: I’ve got one agent and manager in the US. They are very good at doing business over there. I only pay my agents when I’ve been given a job. They are extremely good at their job, woking to get the job, build an interest around me, making sure that job open other doors to more interesting productions for me.
K: What are you aiming for?
B: I want my acting to become something I can work with my whole life. I don’t want to end up at Marvel, DC or the other popcorn movies. I don’t have an interest in that. I want to establish myself, work with interesting and inspiring parts. What’s motivating me is opening new doors and meet new people.

K: Are you allowed to tell what you earn with a movie like IT?
B: Ehm no… Well I’m allowed to but I don’t like to talk about it.

K: I have to say that I know a certain child who accidentally stumbled upon the IT trailer which has given me a few sleepless nights.
B: And how did this certain someone see it?
K: On YouTube.
B: Did you show it?
K: No, he/she found it.
B: You have to be careful. You can say you’ve met me and that it’s not real.
K: Before he/she went to bed I said that IT lives in the US and that it’s not real before asking what sounded more reliable and got the answer that it wasn’t real.
B: That’s good.

K: We talked about language. I think its difficult to tell when for example Swedish shines through in the accent, it only happens a few times that I notice it. Is it easier to act on English in productions? Now since you gotten more used to the language.
B: First of all it’s more difficult to act when you don’t fully master the language. I will never be able to speak a language as good as the one with the language as their mother tongue. In Swedish you can quickly hear when it’s false or if it sounds strange, stressed words. The better you master a language the better you are able to deliver the lines. Yet you can deliver a line perfectly however the melody or how you say it can destroy it. Sometimes when people from english speaking countries watch Swedish movies they can say ”That was a good actor,” because they can see the feeling behind the lines they don’t understan.
K: Maybe that’s why Wallander has reached such success internationally even if Krister Henriksson isn’t proud over the movies.

K: What are you doing at the moment?
B: Filming for Hulu. I don’t think we got Hulu in sweden, the big companies are Netflix, Amazon and Hulu and probably in that order as well. Hulu made The Handmaiden’s Tale which was viewable on HBO Nordic. However the series is called Castle Black and Stephen King is exclusive producer.
K: He likes you.
B: *Laughs* At least the ones behind the project likes me. However Castle Black is a city that’s reoccurring in King’s books. I’m not allowed to say anything yet there’s a new story in each season and I’m in the first one. I’m leaving on Monday for Boston. It’s a fun, interesting character and different from what I’ve done before but it’s still a scary theme.
K: Typecasting, does that ever worry you?
B: I don’t know. I think as an actor you need to work against your type, making sure you’re not working with the same thing over and over, to get new challenges. With that said I like dark characters, stories which I have nothing against. It inspires me.

K: Have you met Stephen King?
B: No.
K: I saw an interview with him where he says that he liked you as IT.
B: Yes, he likes the movie which it rather unusual since he’s rather difficult to impress. If he likes something, he will say it. If he doesn’t like something he will say it. But for him to say that he likes it means very much for everyone involved.

K: In previous interviews you’ve said that you don’t have a home. Do you?
B: No.
K: What do you want right now?
B: My girlfriend and I are looking for places in Stockholm right now even if I probably won’t be there as much. I don’t own anything and I never had so it’s about time. Stockholm will always be my home even if I live somewhere else.

K: Do you want to recommend something?
B: I’ve been listening to Sam Harris podcast named The Waking Up Call. There are interesting guests and you will enjoy it if you like politics, science and essential issues. I don’t agree with everything he says but there are good discussions.
K: Who do you think I should interview on Värvet?
B: I’m not good at this… I don’t know.
K: It’s okay, I need to take a picture with you know before time is up. Thank you so much for this interview.


I translated this interview/podcast rather quickly. I tried to pick up everything. Hopefully you’ll enjoy it, english is not my native langue so I apologize for any grammatical errors. I’ve never done this before either!

if i could tell her

Summary: Jung Hoseok is just trying to pass his philosophy class, yet ends up with so much more. 
Pairing: Hoseok | Reader 
Genre: Fluff/Angst; College/Fake Dating AU 
Word Count: 16,339

.

It’s not abnormal to wake up in a space that is not his own, considering his life and what he did just to feel any sort of rush of pleasure, awakening in an apartment and atop a bed with a touch too many scents that only makes the hangover pierce even deeper at his skull. He arises, a groan barely leaving his lips as he sits up, rubbing at his head and looking down to see that he wears nothing under the sheets. Again, all part of the typical one-night-stand escapades he participated in.

However, what is not typical is the way the bed feels cold, empty without the presence of the other figure sleeping opposite of him—someone he almost would not have missed had he had woken up in his own room, someone he might have forgotten had it not been for the vague memory of a girl underneath him, a name he might have been gritting between his teeth in the haze of his lust. Kathy, was it? Or Kat? No, the longer Jung Hoseok sits there, the more confident he grows in the fact that the name certainly had been Karly.

The physical appearance of the girl remains blank on him, no matter how desperately he tries to rack his consciousness, tries to remember the scene of the party and what she did to catch his attention. There must have been something, something hidden within the corners of his mind, perhaps a glance or a smile or a dance move or a joke. Either way, the answer refuses to present itself to Hoseok at the present moment, which is fine because aforementioned Karly is absent to spare him from that awkward situation.

Still, he remains motionless for a few more seconds, counting down to see if the girl—Karly—is perhaps just in the bathroom or making breakfast, doing anything within the apartment that could make an escape on Hoseok’s part awkward. Yet he doesn’t hear anything, fails to make out those telltale signs that leaving would be a bad move. So he straightens up, feet falling upon the carpet with a gentle sigh, and manages to find his clothing littered across the room. Hoseok makes quick work on dressing himself, pulling on his shirt, tugging on his jeans, slowly making his way to the bedroom door and down the hallway. The apartment is quiet, and he is momentarily stunned that this Karly girl would just leave him alone in her home, that she would be so trusting of someone she did not know personally.

That is, until he walks into the kitchen and finds that he is most certainly not alone in the apartment, that there is a certain someone sitting at the kitchen counter—a certain beautiful someone.

Keep reading

Paul Lahote x Reader: “Jealousy”

Originally posted by tistai

Originally posted by ilsilenziodellasuatristezza

Idea: The reader and Paul make up after a blowout caused by Paul’s jealousy. Requested by imagine-luver.

Author’s Note: As of this morning, I have the flu. I know I’m not on my A-game, so if you aren’t satisfied with what I’ve written, I can certainly rewrite it or write something else when I am feeling better.

Word Count: 1,055

Paul had a temper and everyone knew it. Although you loved your hot-headed imprint, his possessiveness could be extremely overbearing. Most of the time, you adored how defensive he was about you, even if it was a bit domineering; it made you feel protected and cared for. Often, you didn’t really care that other guys avoided you. Not only were you not interested in anyone besides Paul, but you were also always around the pack. They had grown to be your second family and he didn’t care whether or not you were around them.

This time, however, it was different. Said guy was supposed to be your partner for a project worth 25% of your grade; the teacher had chosen everyone’s partners. After he brushed off your initial attempts to set up a time and place to work on the project, you had demanded to know what the problem was. His face and neck turned a bright shade of red before he managed to stammer out Paul’s name. Realization dawning on you, you assured him that Paul would understand that you two were just working on a project for school, and although he didn’t look completely convinced, with a lot of reassurance from your end, he agreed to meet you at the public library to work on it.

All went well, and by the end of your session at the library, you two would only need to meet one more time to get the whole thing finished. You felt much less stressed about the project, and your good mood showed when you were hanging out at Emily’s house the next morning.

Everyone was gathered in the small space of Emily’s kitchen. You were sitting on Paul’s lap, leaning your head on his shoulder and running your nails up and down his back the way you knew he liked.

“You’re affectionate today, sweetness.” He whispered in your ear, eliciting a shiver of delight from you. Before you could answer, however, Brady, one of the younger wolves, spoke.

“Maybe it has something to do with her new boyfriend.” Though he was clearly joking, a wide smile on his face, everyone in the room immediately stiffened, including Paul. He wasn’t one to take this kind of joke well. Or, you assumed he wasn’t; no one had ever been stupid enough to try before this.

What did you just say?” Paul said through gritted teeth, and Brady froze instantly, the smile wiped from his face. You could feel small tremors begin to ripple through his body.

You were off his lap in a second, much to your dismay. He was shaking and advancing towards Brady menacingly.

Say that again, pup.” He growled at Brady, whose face was now as white as a sheet.

“Paul, calm down. I already told you that I was at the library working on that big project with my partner yesterday.” You murmured, running your fingers through his hair. He shrugged you off, whipping around to face you. It seemed as though the damage was already done. You sighed, mentally. He was such a hothead.

How convenient that you failed to mention that your partner was a guy.” He spat, tremors now ripping violently throughout his body. You felt as though someone had slapped you in the face. The implications of what he was suggesting caused a lump to form in your throat.

“If that’s what you really think then you clearly don’t know me at all, Paul.” You said, hurt seeping into your voice. A look of pain flashed in his eyes once he realized his words had wounded you. He quickly backed out of Emily’s front door and phased, the devastation in your voice the final straw responsible for his transformation.

You hadn’t seen him since the incident this morning; it was now well into the evening. You and the other pack members were at the beach, huddled around a bonfire. Everyone else was joking around, carefree and happy, while you sat there miserably.

“Hey, it’s alright. I’m sure he’ll be back soon, begging for forgiveness.” Emily said, nudging you and giving you a small smile. You appreciated the gesture, but her kind words did nothing to lighten your mood.

You stopped paying attention to the pack, choosing instead to watch the purples, yellows, oranges, and reds that streaked the sky as the sun set. Occasionally, Paul’s distraught expression would flash in your mind and your chest would ache.

What seemed like an immeasurably long amount of time passed before you felt warm arms wrap around you from behind.

“What are you doing sitting all alone, sweetness?” Paul’s deep voice said in your ear, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine.

“Waiting for my boyfriend. Though, apparently, I’ll take whoever is the most convenient.” You felt him stiffen at your words, though it was only for a second before he was lightly rubbing his nose against your neck.

“He sounds like a real dumbass.” He murmured, still nuzzling your neck. God, it was hard to think when he was doing that.

“Oh, he is. But I love him anyway.” You said, grinning and turning to face him, your smile letting him know that you had forgiven him.

He sat next to you and pulled you onto his lap, his dark chocolate eyes burning into yours. “I’m sorry, sweetness.” He said, his expression the most sincere you had ever seen it.

“It’s alright, Paul. Really.” You said, cuddling up to his warmth. His expression darkened, and you frowned; that was the opposite of what you wanted to happen.

“It’s not. When I get mad I sometimes, you know, I say things I don’t mean and—”

You cut him off with a kiss. “Baby. I forgive you.” He smiled widely, and you felt all the tension between the two of you melt away. You went in for another kiss.

“You two are so disgusting.” Jared called, his mouth half full.

“Chew with your mouth shut.” Paul replied, still smiling.

You two sat like that for a while, watching what remained of the sunset, taking comfort in one another. He murmured sweet nothings in your ear until your eyelids began to grow heavy.

“Just so you know, the project isn’t done. We have to meet at least one more time.” You said, yawning.

“Great, name the time and place and I’ll be there.”

Paul.”

Was sent home today because of the flu (it came in like a wrecking ball, I tell you) and when my teacher led me to the door – telling me “If I take my eyes of you, you would probably try to sneak back in” – one of my classmates said behind my back “Sick again? Geez, she’s so weak!”.

It’s not like she was very quiet, and a few others started laughing, so both my teacher and I heard her. I felt ready to keel over, but I still said, “No, it’s okay” when my teacher wanted to turn around and call her out on it.

It’s not like I don’t appreciate the fact that my teacher would stand up for me. It’s just that I literally don’t care if they say stuff like that. That’s because of something my brother told me long ago.

I’ve always been a bit sickly. Probably because of my premature birth – being born three months too early means that lots of things didn’t have a chance to fully grow. Apart from some other little things, my immune system is much weaker than average, Thus, when I was little, I literally spent half of my time in different therapies or with trips to the doctor.

Now, it’s not easy to explain to little children why their classmate has to go see the doctor so often. So when I was in kindergarten, my peers often laughed at me or asked question that I couldn’t answer.

“Why are you always sick? Why do you limp? Why does the teacher have to help you walk up stairs?”

And then, finally, when I was five or six and sent home again because of having a fever, one of the children concluded loudly, “Is she more often sick than us because she’s weaker than us?”

Somehow, that scared me. I was too young to understand why I was so different than other children, but I understood that I was. And the thought of being weak, being a burden to others because of that, really scared the hell out of me.

It’s no wonder I was crying when I arrived home – my parents were still at work, and I would have to ask my big brother to tell them I was sick yet again. And still I was so, so scared that I’m weak and a burden.

My brother almost dropped his plate of food when he saw me limping into the room, crying loudly and with cheeks red of fever. “Little sis! What happened?!”

“I’m sick again!” I managed somehow, hiccupping like crazy. Everything hurt, which made me cry even harder.

“Hey, hey, shhhh, it’s okay, everything is okay,” lifting me up, my brother placed me on the couch, tucked me in and went to get everything. By now, it was almost routine between us – lots of water to drink, a cold wet cloth against my fevered skin, and some movies to watch so I wouldn’t get bored.

But even then, I couldn’t stop crying.

“Does it hurt so much?” My brother was at a complete loss, dabbing my face with the wet cloth. “Should we go see the doctor?”

“N-No!” I cried even harder – now I had to go see the doctor again? That made me even weaker, right? “I d-don’t wanna be weak!”

The dabbing stopped, and my brother lifted me up gently, tugging me into his lap. He was frowning as he cradled my face in both hands and asked softly, “Baby girl, who said you’re weak?”

“I’m s-sick so often because I’m too weak, right? The others said so…”

“Well, the others are fucking stupid, then.”

That shut me up pretty quickly and I sniffled with wide eyes. We had been taught not to swear, and that was the first time my brother had ever looked angry.

“Now listen here,” my brother adjusted me so that he could hold me with one arm, the other hand taking up the cloth again to press it against my heated forehead. “You’re the opposite of weak, okay? You’re a fighter. In fact, baby girl – you’re fighting right now.”

“I… I am?”

“Sure you are! Did nobody ever tell you?” Looking around, my brother waved me closer, whispering quietly as if it was a secret “Being sick is actually being in a fight, you know?”

Really?” I was transfixed by that, but I would never have doubted my big brother. I had spent a long, long time believing that everything he said was true.

“It is! You know, the illness? That’s actually a tiny, tiny little army of viruses that’s attacking you. They’re so tiny, you can’t even see them!” He showed me how tiny by pressing forefinger and thump together, nodding all the while. “And you and your body, you have to fight this tiny army. And that’s why everything hurts so much – because you’re taking hits while fighting. But you fight back, and you win, and then you get better. Every time. You see, little sis, you’re like, a knight! A brave knight fighting many armies. The others? They’re not that strong. They couldn’t fight so many armies and still win. So don’t listen to them, alright?”

“Alright,” I agreed solemnly, eyes falling closed as sleep creeped up on me.

“That’s my brave girl. And now, the little knight goes to sleep, so that she can fight with new strength later.”

It was the last time that I thought of myself as weak for being sick so often. From then on, every time I felt bad – be it because of an average illness or depression – I thought of the whole thing as a battle that I have to fight and win.

The whole thing is not even that silly. Think about it – especially those who are somehow fighting their own battles right now. You’re fighting, now or then or in the future. Even though you’re probably feeling terrible, you don’t give up, but keep on going, keep on fighting back whatever makes you feel horrible. How is that supposed to be weak? That’s the opposite of weak! It takes strength and courage to fight. You’re not weak, everyone – you’re super strong and brave, and amazing in general.

Don’t let anybody tell you you’re weak when in reality, you’re a fighter.

Say You Love Me

Spock x Reader

Word Count: 1900

Prompt: “I miss you.” “Love me.”

Summary: You feel neglected by Spock and just want him to tell you he cares about you. 


You expected him to say it at the wedding. He did not and it hurt you more than you expected. Why couldn’t he just say it? You already had so many times. You told him again in your vows at the wedding, that’s where you assumed he’d say it. But those three words were never uttered from your husbands lips. Which annoyed you, but you understood what the half of him that was Vulcan did to his character. Jim could see you were upset at the after party, which was more for you than Spock. Jim told you that Spock had told you about the different ways he loved you, just not with those words. You admitted it hurt you and you did feel like maybe he didn’t love you as much as you loved him. But that begged the question of why would he marry you if he didn’t love you? Jim had just tried to tell you how you were wrong and Spock did love you. But it was hard to believe him when he hadn’t actually said it yet. 

Your comm rang and seeing it was Spock you ignored it. It went to the message. 

“Y/n. You don’t seem to be answering my comm calls. So I am assuming you are ignoring me or have lost your comm. I wasn’t aware you had any activities occurring today that meant you were exiting the house. If you could please call me back I would be much obliged and less worried by the lack of communication, I will see you when I return home.” He hung up and you sat back on the bed. You felt bad but you also wanted him to be worried in a way because, it showed that he cares. Maybe that was manipulative but you needed the affirmation that he didn’t stay with you and marry you for some other reason.

Later that day, the doorbell rang, so you knew it wasn’t Spock. Going to the door you opened it. It was Jim. 

“So. You’re not dead!” He exclaimed. “I’m Spock’s eyes and ears because apparently you haven’t been returning any of the poor Vulcans’ calls and he’s getting worried.” Jim walked in and got a beer from the kitchen. 

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Moriel Meta - in which Moriel is actually a healthy and respectful relationship, who knew?

I dislike the ‘Mor has to fix the Cass/Az/Mor situation/Mor should just talk to Azriel about everything/Mor has to be the one to change things and convince Az that he’s worthy of her’ for a number of reasons, most of which I’ve whinged about before (largely that it’s…kind of gross that all the emotional responsibility for this triangle is placed on..the only female character involved in it which is…deeply unfair) but apart from that I think it just shows a lack of understanding as to these characters and how they work and why Mor hasn’t said anything after all this time? 

And people say she should just get on with it and she should just say something and stop all of this but…I don’t think they consider the more problematic aspects of that? Azriel is in love with her and has been for a very long time and she knows this. I think that…In a way if she confronts him about it it’s like telling him that he has to be with her now. She puts him on the spot and forces him to approach a subject that she knows he’s not ready for

“So if he were ever interested would you … ?”
“The issue, actually, wouldn’t be me. It’d be him. I could peel off my clothes right in front of him and he wouldn’t move an inch. He might have defied and proved those Illyrian pricks wrong at every turn, but it won’t matter if Rhys makes him Prince of Velaris—he’ll see himself as a bastard-born nobody, and not good enough for anyone. Especially me.”

 This scene has been approached in a whole host of different ways from people thinking that Mor is flat out wrong to assuming that this has happened before and she knows this from past experience but…I always just kind of read it as it was written. Az doesn’t think he’s good enough for her. It doesn’t matter what she does. It doesn’t matter if she tells him that she wants him. It doesn’t matter if she peels her clothes off and offers him every inch of her. This isn’t a question of want. It never has been. The problem isn’t desire, it’s not even love, it’s worth. 

We’re talking about the person that Mor spent four hundred years convincing it was okay to take a break from work every now and then and go to a club. We’re told Az’s dedication to his work and the lengths he push himself to border on sadistic. This is not someone who takes what they want. This is someone who struggles hugely with self-esteem and self-worth. This is someone who was locked in the dark as a child and set on fire by his brothers as a game because he was that disposable and that insignificant and had that little value. This is someone who is terrified of ever being in that position again and who therefore works ceaselessly and denies himself the things that he wants, even small things like rest or leisure time, because he cannot let himself not be useful again for even a moment because what if they lock him away again because he doesn’t matter? 

So, fine, let’s say Mor does what everyone says she should do. She goes to Az, tells him how she feels, tells him how she knows he feels, tells him what she wants, puts him on the spot, forces him to do something about it. Either: he does as Mor (who’s known and loved him for 500 years) believes and simply does nothing, freezes up, doesn’t move, doesn’t act. Or, okay, maybe he gives in to her because this is the woman that he loves, you know? The woman he’s devoted to. The woman he would look up from a pool of his own blood and snarl at the king who controls the poison running through his veins in order to protect. So maybe he yields. Maybe he says okay. Maybe he accepts her because well this is what she wants. 

For a start that…Doesn’t change anything? Mor going to him and telling him she loves him and wants him and peeling her clothes off in front of him isn’t going to change a damn thing. Rhys making him prince of Velaris isn’t going to change a damn thing. There is nothing that can be done externally to change Az. (And Mor is not under obligation to change him just because she’s a prospective partner that’s a seriously damaged way of thinking too) Az has to change Az. Az has to decide within himself that this relationship is something that he wants, something that will be good for him (and Mor), something that he deserves, something that he can have. Mor cannot do that for him. 

You can’t fix someone’s insecurities just by telling them that you love them/want them? That’s…Not the way this works, especially not for someone like Az where it’s such a deep rooted thing. This is something that he has to work himself through and in the meantime Mor (and Cassian who is…in this almost entirely for Az) will make damn sure that he has the time and space that he needs. However much of it that might be. 

And for a second thing her doing that would be…really unhealthy? Think about it. She’s essentially going up to this insecure, damaged person who’s deeply in love with her and saying: right, I love you, I’m tired of waiting, I’m making an executive decision here, one that isn’t really mine to make (it’s not Mor’s decision/up to Mor to say when Az is ready) and I’m telling you we’re doing this. That’s…Not okay? Like that’s borderline emotionally manipulative? She knows how Az feels. She confronts him about it and she uses that to get what she wants? And it’d be damaging for him. No matter how much he wants this. He. Is. Not. Ready. For. This. Relationship. 

And so many people call Mor out for this? As though it’s her fault? As though it’s a bad thing that she respects his boundaries, respects his insecurities, doesn’t try and force him to change for her because it would give her what she wants? She waits for him. She has waited five hundred years for this man to be ready. She has never pushed him. She has never pressured him. She never will. 

Because this is Mor. And is it really so difficult to understand why Mor, who suffered horrendous abuse of her own as a child, which shapes her just as much as it shapes Az, would wait? Is it so difficult to imagine her refusing to put Az on the spot and pressure him and control him the way she was controlled? Because oh well everyone around you expects you to do this so you should.

 Is it really difficult to imagine her refusing to tell Az who he should love and when he should be with them even though he’s not ready? The way her family told her that she should be with a prince of the Autumn Court, even though she wasn’t ready and didn’t want that? 

Is it really so difficult to imagine Mor, who spent her early life being broken by the demands and expectations and pressures of others - her family, those who were supposed to be closest to her, love her, protect her- refusing to put similar demands or expectations or pressures on another? Especially someone she loves so much.

 Is it really so difficult to imagine Mor, who was shown so little respect that once she was no longer of use or value she was treated like an animal and cast out to die, to be someone else’s problem, would be able to muster up enough respect to let the person she loves so much make their own choices in life? The things that were denied her? 

Is it so difficult to imagine that Mor wants to allow Az a choice? That she feels he should be allowed to choose what he is ready for? And not have her decide for him? Not have her step up to him and say, this is what’s best for you, this is what you want, this is what I’m deciding that you should have?

Is it really an indication that Mor doesn’t love him that she waits? That she’s waited for five hundred years. That’d she’d likely wait the same again, that she’d likely die before feeling like she’d forced him into a relationship with her because she decided that it was time and he was ready and that this was what was best? And therefore that gave her the right to strip away his choices because she knows what’s best? 

Is it really such a terrible thing for one partner to actually respect the other, their history, their situation, their insecurities and understand that they can’t just make these disappear with ~the power of love~ because that’s not the way that mental health works? And that maybe the best thing they can do is not put any extra pressure onto them and give them time and space and support to work through things in their own time and way? 

And is it really so difficult to believe that this is actually the healthiest and best thing that Mor could do both for Azriel and her relationship with him? And that anything else is unfairly pressuring him and manipulating him and forcing him into accepting something that he himself isn’t ready for? And that an emotional abuse victim doesn’t want to emotionally abuse the person that they love? And that that really isn’t a bad thing, you know; that anything else would be toxic and one-sided and selfish and unfair?

Is it? 

TL;DR: Mor is actually capable of respecting Azriel and demonstrates her love for him through that respect in allowing him space, time and a choice in his own life and the relationships he feels ready to pursue. Her keeping her distance from Azriel, the man she loves, for over five centuries is selfless af and I am tired of seeing it twisted around to make her appear to be the opposite. She’s actually dealing with this situation in the best, healthiest way possible and if you’ve got an alternative to what’s happening that doesn’t involve a fukc tonne of coercion and emotional manipulation backing Az into a corner and forcing him to deal with something he’s not ready to face I’d love to hear it :) 

The “Kiss”

Of course, inspired by the TNHMB music video.

~~~

“I kissed her cheek.” Shawn’s tells you over the phone, and for a second, you’re thoroughly confused. It sounds like he’s confessing something, but at the same time, kissing someone on the cheek is hardly something to confess to. At least not in your opinion, considering you come from a culture where people do that as a greeting. You can’t count the number of times you’ve kissed someone’s cheek when you barely even knew the person’s name.

“What are you talking about?” You question, still confused as to why this seems like a big deal to him.

“Ellie, I kissed her cheek for the video.” He clarifies. “It was supposed to look like an actual kiss,” He pauses then adds, “It was supposed to be an actual kiss, but I couldn’t do it.”

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❧ c.vn | the tag

pairing; seventeen vernon x reader

genre; fluff, soulmate!au 

synopsis; everyone her age had found their significant other; their soulmates. after a long, painful period of waiting, she found hers.

word count; 1862 words

I entered the studio, trudging lifelessly to my usual corner and letting my bag slip off from my shoulder onto the floor, not bothering to switch on the main lights. The sub-lights situated at the front of the studio mirror and the back corners were already turned on, so I left it as that. 

I let out a heavy, tired sigh, plugging my phone into the studio’s speaker, letting it blast my usual tracks as I did my warm-up.

I’m Y/N, 19, from the dance club. I’m from LA, but I moved to Korea because of my parent’s work. I was happy with the change. Life in LA wasn’t exactly smooth. My life was pretty dull, so I put my focus on dance — probably the one thing that makes me feel myself. 

I always came to practice two hours early, just to have the space to myself so I could go through my choreography. 

An hour later, the metal door of the studio clicked open, and I didn’t have to look to know who it is. 

Jun — the club president. Also my best friend. He walked towards the corner where I had left my bag lying, and he put his beside mine. I shot him a weak smile, panting from the hectic choreography I just went through.

“Working hard today too, huh?” he grinned, tossing me a bottle of water as he walked over to the speaker switches, turning it off.

“What else could I do?” I muttered, plonking down onto the floor as I leaned against the mirror. He walked over, sitting beside me with his legs stretched out in front. 

“So… You haven’t-”

“Nope,” I interrupted. Jun sighed.

Jun asked me the same question every week — “Have you found him?”

‘Him’ being my soulmate. 

I didn’t mind the fact that Jun kept this up for the past year. He knew how emotionally frustrated I would be sometimes, due to the fact that I couldn’t find my soulmate, and he was always there to provide the support I desperately needed. I couldn’t thank him enough for that. I was usually cheery enough though, trying to think positive that I would find ‘him’ sooner or later.

Soulmates were a symbol of two parties being, literally, made for each other. These two parties would have this tattoo-looking thing on a certain part of their body — called Tags. Soulmates’ Tags would match in colour and symbol. Everyone had a different Tag, only two parties on the entire surface on earth would have the exact same.

Tags fade as you age. They usually disappear by the time you’re thirty or thirty-five, and that’s pretty much the end of the world for that person. Once your Tag disappears, the possibility of you being able to find your soulmate drops to nearly a zero. And you would have to live a lonely life. Ugh.

Nearly everyone our age in this school have found their soulmates. Those who haven’t found theirs — you could count their number with your fingers. And I happen to be in that group.

Not having your soulmate with you at this age is probably the worst thing ever. Soulmates would naturally have the trait of being able to cheer the opposite party up, and they would match and fit like jigsaw puzzles that are side-by-side.

I eyed Jun’s crimson Tag peeking out from under his long sleeves on his wrist, and reached out for it. I pushed his sleeve back, my thumb caressing the opaque Tag. Yes, Jun had found his soulmate too, she’s a really nice girl from the art club. I pictured my half-faded Tag in my mind. My Tag was on the right corner of my waist, and I didn’t let many people see it. Insecurities. 

“Don’t think about it too much. You’re still young, you know,” Jun comforted. I smiled, not looking away from his Tag.

“Yeah.”

Jun’s phone vibrated and he unlocked it, viewing a message or something. I didn’t peek. 

“Hey, look at this,” Jun said, putting the phone in front of my face as I read the text message sent to him by the teacher-in-charge of the dance club.

There will be a new member joining the club today. He’s a transfer. Do take care of him.

I frowned. New member?

“I wonder who,” Jun said, sliding his phone back into his pocket.

The rest of the members from the club came in over the next few minutes, and soon all were present, except for that new guy.

I checked the clock. Five more minutes before he’ll be checked down as ‘late’.

The door burst open then, and a blonde-hair guy came jogging in. 

“Sorry! Got caught up with something,” he said. He looked American. No, he was definitely American. But he spoke really fluent Korean.

“It’s alright, you’re not exactly late. Just come a bit earlier next time,” Jun smiled, before noticing the confused looks on the other member’s faces. 

“Oh right, do introduce yourself,” Jun said to the newcomer who had just placed his bag down at an opposite corner of the studio.

“Of course. I’m Vernon, and you can probably tell, I’m not Korean. I’m from New York, but I’ve lived here since I was a toddler.”

Everyone eyed him, waiting for him the reveal the part that everyone was naturally curious about. 

Vernon chuckled slightly. “No, I haven’t found my soulmate. Not exactly the norm, I know, but I try not to think too much about it.”

Everyone nodded, some giving him sympathetic looks, but welcoming him warmly. Jun and I glanced over each other, giving each other surprised looks.

We carried on with dance practice, and Vernon obviously had dance background. He followed well and caught the steps quick. 


“Ten minutes break, everyone!” Jun announced.

I huffed, sweeping my hair over my shoulders as I walked towards my bag. 

“Hey, umm…” someone spoke in English behind me.

I turned around to see Vernon behind me. 

“Oh, hey!” I greeted back in English, trying to not be awkward. “I’m Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N,” he said. “I was just wondering if you’re American? Considering the fact that you can reply me in English.”

“Yeah,” I chuckled. “I am. From LA.”

“That’s nice.”

I shrugged, picking my bottle up from the floor as I took a sip. “I guess so.”

“And also, if it isn’t too personal..” Vernon trailed off, waiting for permission for him to continue. He knew that I knew what he was going to ask. 

I smiled bitterly. “No, I haven’t found mine either.”

He returned the smile. “So we’re on the same page.”

“Yeah, we are,” I said.

“Do you mind if we walk to the dorms together after practice? I want to know you more,” Vernon said hesitantly. 

“Would love to,” I said, because I wanted to know him more too.


After practice, I greeted Jun goodbye, and he muttered something like “That guy could be him” before we went separate ways. 

Vernon and I started walking towards the dorms, which was just a couple of blocks away from our studio.

“How do you deal with everything? Like, not having your soulmate with you…” I asked. 

He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s irritating, really. But I distract myself a lot by doing things that heavily occupy my mind.”

I nodded in agreement. “I do that too. That’s pretty much the only thing I can do.”

We continued simple talk all the way to the dorms, asking each other questions that weren’t too personal. We matched well.

“What’s your dorm number?” I asked as we approached the dorm buildings. 

“Building 2. Room 58.”

I raised an eyebrow. “How coincidental.”

“Huh?”

“That’s my room.”

“Wait, it’s possible for guys and girls to mix dorms in this school?”

“Yeah. Kind of,” I said, smiling. “Let’s go!”


Vernon and I grew undeniably close over the next few weeks. He pretty much became my best friend, alongside Jun. We knew pretty much everything about each other after 4 weeks. Everything except for how each other’s Tags looked. I wasn’t planning on showing it to him anytime yet. I didn’t want to have false hopes that he may be my soulmate.

It was already obvious that I liked him. I liked him a lot. So if he wasn’t my soulmate, I can’t even imagine the pain I would feel. I didn’t want to find out his Tag because of this. 


I walked into the dorm, just finishing my classes for the day. It was already 6pm, and Vernon was already in the room when I came in.

“Hey,” he greeted, and I smiled as i placed my bag on my desk.

“Hey.”

“Can I serious-talk?” he asked abruptly.

“I’m awake enough,” I said. “What is it?”

Vernon quickly pulled me to sit on his bed. We both sat down in silence as I waited for him to speak. 

Vernon’s eyes were fixed on the right side of my waist, making me increasingly uncomfortable. Did he see it? There was no way. I always wore clothes long enough to cover my waist.

“I saw it, Y/N,” Vernon said. “Your hoodie rolled up past your waist yesterday night. I climbed up the bunk to ask you something, I didn’t know you were already sleeping.”

I bit my lips, looking away. How was I supposed to deal with this? What if it wasn’t the same as his? What if-

“They’re the same.” Vernon said.

I snapped my head towards him. Did I hear him right?

He rolled up his sleeve on his left arm, revealing his Tag. He’s right. It was the same. His was a black outline of wings, with a turquoise shade surrounding it.

Like mine.

I apprehensively lifted my hoodie, checking the finest details of the Tag and comparing it to his. No mistake — they were the same. 

“Vernon!” I exclaimed, jumping onto him, engulfing him in a hug. 

He laughed, his arms wrapping around me tightly. I never felt so happy in my life. My heart was thumping. I felt like I was going to cry.

“Just for the record, feelings were mutual all this while, Y/N,” he told me. “Jun told me everything. You having a crush on me, blablabla.”

I pulled away, staring at him with wide eyes, before covering my face and falling flat onto his bed. “I’m going to kill Jun.”

Vernon laughed. “I’d like to see you do that, babe.”


“Y/N~! Wake up!” Vernon called, jumping on top of me. I grunted, feeling air get pushed out of my lungs.

“You’re heavy, you asshole! Get off!” I said, pushing him off. He laughed aloud, rolling off me but stayed lying beside me, one arm draped across my waist.

“Don’t jump on me. You may just break my ribs by accident, you elephant.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be at your funeral,” he joked. I laughed and kicked him off my bed.

“You’re mean,” I said, walking off to the bathroom to wash up. He followed me to the sink, wrapping his arms around my waist loosely as he nuzzled his face into my neck. I giggled.

He looked up, resting his chin on my shoulder, looking at our reflection in the mirror in front of us. 

“I can’t believe we’re confirmed soulmates,” he said. “This was all I wished for.”

I smiled and he gently turned me to face him, closing the distance between us as he placed his lips on mine.

We broke the kiss, and I chuckled. “Me too.”

Double Booked

Originally posted by xopsychogirlxo

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Content/Warning: FLUFF

Words: 1667

A/N: So I know that I promised When We Were Young pt 2 today, but I’m sick so cut me some slack. Instead I’ll just give you this adorable Bucky fic, because who doesn’t love Bucky Barnes? Anyways, enjoy - and as always, prompts are open.


“They’ve been dancing around their feelings for months, Tony,” Natasha Romanoff said to the billionaire with a roll of her eyes. “How exactly do you expect to fix that?”

“On our next mission,” Tony said, as if it was obvious. “We have to go out of town, you know.”

 “Okay?” The redhead asked, raising an eyebrow. “Meaning what, exactly?”

“One word: roommates.” Tony grinned as if it was the best idea he had ever had.

“Tony, no, okay. Bucky is going to want to room with Steve, and Y/N is going to want to be with me, it isn’t going to work,” Natasha said with a sigh. “Honestly, how you ever became a billionaire with some of your ideas is beyond me.”

“First of all, rude. Second of all, no, Red, it won’t be a problem. You want to know why?” He didn’t give her a chance to respond. “Because we are not going.”

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fic: Yin and Yang

title: yin and yang

genre: fluff/tiniest bit of angst if you squint

warnings: swearing | word count: 1500

description: a sunset beach walk after phil’s thirtieth birthday brings talk of things to come and decisions they figure they need to discuss. plus there’s this metaphor about the sunset.

yin and yang; light and dark, day and night - two opposites that are made to be together.

“I think you’d be a sunrise,” Phil says.

Dan quirks an eyebrow and prompts him to elaborate. “I’m all gloom and darkness, I’m definitely a three am sky.”

Phil frowns. “Maybe, but you’d be scattered with stars. And you’d be five in the morning, not three, the sun would be just about ready to rise. There is some light in you, Dan.”

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The photoshoot

Inspired by these beautiful and hot hot pictures ;)


Draco had no idea what had possessed him to say yes to the photoshoot. The editor of Witch Weekly had practically begged him. She had been over the moon that famous Harry Potter had agreed to a very personal photo series and the editor wanted the best photographer for this. So naturally, she had come to Draco. 


“I want the Chosen One as we’ve never seen him before. I want sultry, I want sassy, I want steamy, I want sex!” she had practically screamed at him.
 He had been reluctant at first. He had no desire to be anywhere near his former arch-nemesis. But this was a great opportunity.

So here they were, in Draco’s studio, Potter in his old Gryffindor uniform. It clung to his body more tightly than Draco remembered. The prat had filled out quite a bit.


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Jealous - Harry Styles Imagine

A/N: i hope you like this story!

requested: by @fairlygothparent i hope i didn’t disappoint x

word count: 3,089

(not my picture; credits to owner!)

Although Harry has always been a stubborn guy, Y/N still managed to find her way around it. So when she proposed that the two of them go to the theaters to watch ‘It’, he gave in without a second thought, even though he had a writing session right at the same time.

Harry hadn’t expected much from the movie but he didn’t exactly enjoy watching it. Truth be told, he was never a huge fan of clowns and watching ‘It’ only added up to the pile of reasons as to why he despises them. Y/N, on the other hand, quite enjoyed the movie. She got a bit scared at certain times but in an overall view she liked it.

On their way back to the car, she was rambling about how scary some parts were and how weird others were. And in all honesty, Harry had barely payed attention to the movie so he didn’t really know what she was talking about. He just wanted to avoid having to look at another fucking clown and get out of there.

On their drive back home the car was strangely and unusually silent. There was no humming to music, no talking. Just absolute silence.

“You okay, love?”, he asked, looking quickly to his right, so he didn’t lose focus on the road, only to find her mindlessly scrolling through her phone. Not to his surprise, he didn’t get much of an answer. In fact, he received utter silence, it’s almost as if she hadn’t even heard him speak. Sensing the strangeness this situation held, a frown placed itself upon Harry’s face, and — to nudge her out of whatever trance she was — he placed his free hand on her thigh.

“Love?”, he tried once again.

“Oh! Sorry, H. Was just curious about the movie and was just googling about it. Sorry. What did you say?”, Y/N replied, finally looking at him.

“Oh, yeah? What were you curious about?”

“Nothing, really. Just the cast…”, she replied, getting distracted once again by whatever she was looking at in her phone. “By the way, under all that creepy ass make up that freaking clown wore, the actor is quite beautiful himself… Wow…,” she finished, her attention immediately fading from Harry and back to her phone once again.

Ignoring the weird, bubbly, unsettling feeling on the pit of his stomach Harry decided to not give it much of a thought. She was just curious, right? How bad could it get?

But it didn’t stop there.

More frequently than he’d like to admit it, Harry has caught Y/N watching interviews and other videos on the internet of that actor from the movie they had watched. Bill Skarsgård. He even unintentionally learned his name, for Y/N would occasionally watch interviews at a rather loud volume in her laptop.

He’d also catch her wandering on and off from conversations, which only resulted in her apologizing and jokingly saying that Bill decided to pop up on her mind just now, always laughing as she said it.

However, as situations like this became more frequent, there was no denying that Harry was indeed jealous. For his own sake, he even googled ‘Bill Skarsgård’ himself just to see what he looked like and as soon as he tapped on his wikipedia picture, he practically understood why Y/N was almost drooling over him.

He was a handsome guy. Harry wasn’t going to deny that.

Y/N would still pay him attention and such but the fact that this Bill dude kept popping in and out of her head started to bother him a bit. After all, he was her boyfriend. Not Bill.

Y/N wasn’t one to obsess and well, ‘fangirl’, over people and other celebrities very often. The only time Harry actually got to see her going wild about something was when he released his solo album. He wasn’t overreacting, right? Why does this whole situation seems so off to him?

He’s jealous. Boy, is he jealous. Harry can’t remember the last time he felt like this — either way it had been too long or he never felt it in such intensity.

Although he was well aware of the fact that he was, in fact, very jealous, he hadn’t acknowledged just how much. He knew it was a lot but not to the extent he feels it right at this moment.

Harry has been wary about attending this event altogether on the days prior to today. It was some type of early party for movie award event soon to happen, where all actors, directors and producers of latest successful movies would attend. To Harry’s dismay, it did include Bill Skarsgård.

As soon as Y/N saw him across the room, she immediately let go of Harry’s hand, saying she’d be “right back”, as she took quick strides so she could reach him faster. At that, Harry’s stomach flipped a bit. Every time both of them were able to attend such events, they’d always be together. They met people together, spent time together, ate together… It wasn’t a matter of being clingy or anything like that, but simply because the two enjoyed doing things together on their complexity. So, to see Y/N walk away without even glancing back at him was enough to set him off the edge. Harry was so jealous that not even the word ‘jealous’ itself would understand what he was feeling. He hated getting angry — specially when Y/N was involved — and his temper wasn’t always the best, but it wasn’t the worst either.

This time, however, it was bad. Harry felt as though his blood was boiling. He was mad. Perhaps it was the fear of losing her to Bill, perhaps it was the insecurity that came along with jealousy — he wouldn’t know. Right now, Harry was thinking way more with his heart than with his brain. He knew that it was unlikely that she’d leave him for an actor she doesn’t even know just because of his looks. But his judgement was clouded right now. He couldn’t think properly.

Harry has lost count on how many hours has it been since Y/N left his side to chase Bill around to chat. He followed his own procedure though, doing everything he usually did on these events — except she wasn’t with him this time. Talking to people, meeting new ones, sipping and biting a little here and there; that kind of thing. He still kept an eye on her, though. Not that he was watching her every move but he would occasionally just follow her with his gaze around the room, making sure she was okay; which she was — more than just okay though. Harry has noticed how much his Y/N and the actor-she-was-obsessing-over were laughing. He could see just how comfortable she already was around him. He couldn’t help but feel a punch to his gut again.

And that’s pretty much how the rest of the night went: with Y/N chatting the night away with her new friend and Harry doing the usual — this time, however, with a very unsettling feeling of sharp needles poking him on his gut.

As the party died down and the people started to leave, Y/N finally showed up. But with Bill Skarsgård by her side.

“Haz! Hey! This is Bill, the actor that plays ‘It’, you know? The one we talked about?”, she eagerly started.

‘More like the one you talked about’, Harry thought.

“And, Bill, this is my boyfriend, Harry”, she continued, motioning her hands in between the two guys.

Although he was pissed off jealous, he wasn’t going to forget his manners now. Politely, Harry extended his arm and shook Bill’s hand.

“Hello, ‘s nice to meet you”, Harry said with a straight face and barely no emotion in his voice. Y/N gave him a look as to ask him ‘what the hell is going on?!’. Harry loved meeting new people and whenever he got to do so, he’d always try to chat with them or at least be welcoming. She knew that. It just felt… odd to her to see him not be his perky self.

Nonetheless, Bill had been quite polite himself in response. He even attempted to make small conversation with Harry but he just wasn’t having it.

After Y/N finished chatting with Bill and Harry had said goodbye to everyone else, they were good to head home.

“So,” Y/N started, “what happened back there?”. Harry had acted so strangely and even though it was something almost as small as an ant, she still noticed it. It was just so… unlike him.

As soon as she asked him, Harry sternly glanced at her and then back at the car, clicking his keys and unlocking the doors. After the two of them silently settled down in his car, she tried again.

“Harry?”

Silence.

“Oh, so we’re playing the silent treatment now? Care to at least let me know your motives?”, she asked. Y/N was definitely getting mad herself. This situation couldn’t get more immature. ‘Silent treatment is immature’, she thought.

She got no response from him and decided to leave it, at least until they got home. The ride remained completely silent as expected, apart from the sound of other cars driving by.

As soon as Harry pulled up to the driveway and the car halted, Y/N got out of the car and entered their home, leaving the door open, not caring to wait up for him.

“So..?!”, she started right after he closed the door shut. Just as he turned around, Y/N could clearly see how angry he was. Was he angry with her? At her? What had she done? She has no ounce of idea what could’ve possibly set him off like that and to make matters worse, he wouldn’t even explain it to her himself.

Harry, on the other hand, didn’t want to explain. He didn’t want to come off as petty about this whole situation. I mean, c’mon, if she really liked Bill way better than she did him, Y/N wouldn’t even be here anymore, right? Rationally speaking Harry knew there was nothing to worry about or fret over, but his heart was screaming at his mind. He was insecure.

‘God, is it that easy to lose her?’

‘Am I not enough for her that she feels the need to get close to another guy?’

He couldn’t help it but be angry at himself, mostly. He might’ve been taking it out on her through this silent treatment non-sense but he was scared.

What was one supposed to do when their heart spoke one thing and their mind the exact opposite? Who was he to trust?

“Harry?”, she tried again. Y/N’s patience was wearing thin and she was on the verge of just giving it up and going to bed. “Will you just talk to me? Please?”

Her voice was calm. Way calmer than it was before. If Harry’s temper depended on that, only, he’s sure he’d just forget about it and talk properly to her. But that wasn’t the way any human being functioned. And he was angry and the fact that she kept pressing on it didn’t help one bit.

“Talk to you?!”, Harry huffed, “Just like you’ve been talking to me the whole night, yeah? Wow. I really can’t believe you…”

Y/N was immediately taken aback by his tone. The room was quiet just seconds ago and the change of the mood in the room was way too sudden for her.

“What are you trying to say?”, Y/N asked, partly satisfied he was now talking to her and partly regretful that he was. If she knew he’d act this way, she would’ve just given up on the idea long ago.

“Oh, so now the princess doesn’t get what I’m trying to say?! I wonder why?! Must’ve been because you probably have that Bill guy on your tiny little brain now too, yeah?!”

Shit.

“Excuse me?! Tiny little brain? Are you serious? And why are you bringing Bill to this? He’s got nothing to do with this, Harry. Stop being so immature!”

“Oh, sweetheart! He’s got everything to do with this! Don’t tell me he doesn’t when it’s as clear as day he’s the reason you’re acting like this…”

By this point they were both screaming at each other’s faces in the middle of their living room. Harry was out of his mind, that’s for sure. He didn’t mean to be so rude about it to her. Y/N was also slightly out of hers, the yelling was starting to take her way too far out.

“Acting like what, Styles?! You’re gonna have to explain to me since apparently my ‘tiny little brain’ can't absorb information!”, she loudly said, mocking his previous words.

“It’s just-”, Harry was finally coming to his senses now. The tone he was using with her was in no way right and he was being unacceptably harsh towards her. All he wanted to do was apologize. That is, until she spoke again.

“Just what?! Big boy can’t handle the competition?!”

‘Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Y/N, you screwed up big time now. Shit.’, she thought.

Y/N hadn’t meant to say that, but this whole argument and yelling were taking her way too far out of her mind. And now there was no going back on her words. They were sharp, and they stung right where Harry was hurting the most.

Harry didn’t ever want to think about not being enough for her — although he still did, at times. He knew she deserved the best of all the best things and he just wished that what he had to offer her was enough. But hearing her say it, somehow, hurt way more than he ever imagined possible. And the anger that was dying down just thirty seconds ago, grew bigger than he intended to.

“What did you sa- Oh! So I do have competition now, huh? Honestly, Y/N, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were cheating on me with that guy!”, he spat.

“What?! I met him today, Harry! Today! And even if I had considered the thought, it wouldn’t have been possible, alright?! You were there the whole fucking time!”, Y/N spat back.

She was going too far. She was aware of it. So far, actually, she feared she wouldn’t be able to fix what she said. Y/N was making it worse for herself. She basically admitted that the thought of cheating on him was somewhat possible. What was she doing? What were they doing?

“You know what?! Just leave if that’s what you wanna do! I’m not stopping you! You should go! I’m sorry for not being enough for you to the extent you wanna think about being with another guy!”

Harry sighed in defeat and lowered his voice. Their argument was taking a toll on him, emotionally speaking, and he felt drained from all sort of emotion and energy. He just felt this huge weight inside of him.

Once again, was it really that easy to lose her?

Y/N, realizing and letting reality unfold itself right before her eyes, also let out a heavy sigh before thinking through her words, afraid of letting something she doesn’t mean roll off her lips again.

“No- Harry,” she started, repeatedly shaking her head.

He had stepped back now, and as soon as she looked up at him, she saw how distressed he was in this moment. A prominent frown plastered upon his forehead, tears pricking at his eyes, hands desperately searching for something for them to fidget on and bottom lip slightly jumping.

“No, Y/N. It’s okay. Just go.” Harry’s voice slightly shook and he was ready to break. He never thought he’d lose her like this. At least, not so sudden and to someone else.

“No! Harry! No, please. That’s not what I want. Please, I-”, she tried her boundaries by taking one step closer to him. She was desperate too. She didn’t wanna lose him either. “I’m sorry. For what I said and for acting like that lately. I didn’t mean to make you think that I don’t want to be with you anymore. I’m sorry. Please, hear me out, Haz. I’m so sorry.”

Y/N was now crying too. The realization of how bad were the words she just said to him was downing on her and at this moment, she’s never hated anyone as much as she hates herself for hurting him this bad. Sure, Harry had said some pretty harsh words to her too, but none of them compared to what she had told him. At least, not to her.

“Harry”, she lowly uttered, “I- Shit, I’m so stupid… You don’t have competition and I shouldn’t have said that. I never thought of cheating on you and I never will. You know how I feel about cheating… That was so… unlike me to say something as horrible as that. I’m sorry. Please, love. Forgive me”, she asked, grabbing his hands tightly in hers and placing light kisses on his knuckles.

“You still want to be wit- with me?”. The intensity in which his voice shook with each word he spoke was enough to make her heart break even further.

“Of course I do, Haz. I love you. You know that, don’t you?”, she asked, hoping with everything she had left he’d tell her he knows she loves him.

“I’m sorry too, love. I shouldn’t have said any of that to you either. I was just… scared and kind of jealous too, you know? I think I overreacted a bit on the jealous part and I apologize for that too. And just for the record, your mind is brilliant.” Harry replied, wiping his tears, as well as hers, with the back of his hand.

“Come here”, he said, embracing her in a tight hug, “I love you.”

“Promise we’ll never let it get this bad? If you’re ever feeling insecure or scared or jealous, just talk to me? Please? I don’t want to be in this kind of situation with you again”, Y/N requested. She hated seeing him like that and wished upon everything they’d never find themselves in an emotional place like this again.

“I promise”, Harry replied, contently placing a gentle kiss on her head.

“I promise too”.

feedback is always greatly appreciated!

Masterlist

Taken [Chapter 10]

Mafia!AU

Pairing: Suho x Reader

Warnings: Language; may have triggering situations including sexual situations, abuse, violence, etc.

Summary: You were just a normal girl. You were just trying to get by. Until a rather unfortunate relationship brought you to the hands of Suho, the leader of the greatest mafia in the country.


PrologueChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 5Chapter 6Chapter 7Chapter 8Chapter 9Chapter 10
Chapter 11Chapter 12Chapter 13Chapter 14Chapter 15
Chapter 16Chapter 17Chapter 18Epilogue



The first time he came, he already caught your attention.

He was incredibly handsome, so it wasn’t strange that he made an impression on you and the rest of the employees. He always seemed to have a gentle smile on his face, and emits a calm and comforting aura. He always came around sundown, when the rays of the dying sun comes pouring in through the bakery windows. It always made him seem like he glowed warmly.

Keep reading

Why Vergil’s Aeneas is secretly the hero we’re always claiming to want

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed that’s common to tumblr and non-tumblr classicists, it’s hatred for Aeneas, from benign condescension to flat out antagonism. Admittedly, for many years scholarship advertised Aeneas as nothing more than ‘the founder of the Roman race’, which doesn’t really sell these days. Scholars swept under the carpet the qualities that make Aeneas such a gift of a character - his compassion for others, his pain, his humanity - because it’s not fashionable for a manly hero to have those qualities, right?! 

I cannot take it any longer. I must tell you how we have all been cheated, and why Aeneas is one of the literary figures I most admire.

Nowadays most people study Latin first, and then Greek, and the Aeneid is one of the first things everyone studies. But Vergil’s Roman readers will have already read the Iliad first. So Vergil’s Aeneas is Vergil’s take on a familiar character, and Vergil takes it for granted that we know all about him. What is Aeneas like in the Iliad?

  • Aeneas is honoured by the Trojans as much as Hector is (5.467).
  • Aeneas and Hector are rebuked for letting the allies fight in their place, and it is Aeneas who is addressed first (5.77).
  • Priam does not appear to share his people’s favour for Aeneas (13.461). While Aeneas is brooding over this, he is sought out by Deiphobus: ‘Aeneas, counsellor of the Teucrians, you need to help the army’ (13.463-4).
  • Glaucus appeals to Hector and Aeneas to save the body of Sarpedon, unaware that Zeus has already done this (16.536-47).
  • Hector listens to Aeneas’ advice. Are we going to argue with Hector? Everyone loves Hector, and Hector loves Aeneas. When Apollo rebukes Aeneas because he, Hector and others aren’t fighting (17.327-32), Aeneas recognises the god and tells Hector that it is shameful to retreat into Troy (17.335-41). Hector listens to him, although he doesn’t usually listen to the good advice of Polydamas, but threatens him instead (12.230-50, 18.296).
  • Aeneas is a renowned warrior (8.108). But that doesn’t make him arrogant – Aeneas is sensibly reluctant to try to fight Achilles when he knows that Achilles is stronger (20.89-99), but he is goaded into it by Apollo, who protests that Aeneas too is the son of a goddess (20.104-9).
  • The gods (20.115-31) and the poet (20.158-60) suggest that Aeneas is at least nearly equal to Achilles in valour.
  • Aeneas’ reply to Achilles’ taunts is measured (20.200-58).
  • Even though Achilles is the best warrior, it is by no means easy for him to defeat Aeneas (20.288-90).
  • Aeneas is rescued from his battle with Achilles by Poseidon, who is a pro-Greek god. Poseidon saves Aeneas on the grounds that: he’s unaware of his fate to survive (20.296), has done nothing wrong (20.297), always gives gifts to the gods (20.299), and most importantly is fated to survive (20.300-8). Poseidon’s only rebuke is that Aeneas shouldn’t have listened to Apollo and fought with Achilles; rather, he should stick to the other warriors, since none of the others will be able to kill him (20.331-9). Achilles muses in bewildered disgust: ‘Well then, Aeneas truly was beloved of the immortal gods’ (20.347-8).

In other words, Aeneas is one of the few characters in the Iliad who is rewarded by the gods for being a good person. He is also not allowed to show valour in the way he wants to, like the other heroes, because the gods have plans for him.

In the Aeneid, we learn that Aeneas does not want these plans, but he has to follow them anyway. He does not regain his agency, but the gods’ protection is removed from him by the anger of Juno. How can anyone hate a character who is introduced like this:

This is a song of war, and of the hero who was the first to come,

by fate a refugee, from the shores of Troy to Italy and Lavinian

shores, and who was furthermore tossed all over land and sea

by the violence of the gods, because of cruel Juno’s unforgiving anger;

he suffered much in war, too, so that he might found a city

and bring his gods to Latium, whence come the Latin race,

the Alban fathers, and the walls of lofty Rome.

Muse, tell me the reasons – what slight to her divinity,

what grief made the queen of the gods drive to endure

so many misfortunes, to encounter so many trials, a man famed

for his goodness? Can there be such anger in the minds of the gods?

Vergil has a lot of feelings about Aeneas. You should, too.

‘But Vergil goes out of his way to make Aeneas a drip!’ NO. Vergil writes a realistic character. Vergil’s Aeneas behaves EXACTLY LIKE anyone should expect a war-torn refugee to behave. He is miserable and scared. But he accepts the responsibility put upon him, and he puts this responsibility before his own fears and his own desires. 

Vergil could have written a poem about ‘the founder of the Roman race’ just marching into Italy and lording it over everyone because that was his destiny and that was his right. But Vergil stopped to think, and he thought, ‘Wait, this figure is a refugee. This is a good man who loved his home and his people and would value that quality in others. This is a man who suffered and would not want others to suffer like he did. This is a man who would forget how to want his own happiness.’

I can’t go through the whole Aeneid here, because I could write reams about every scene, but I’ll talk a little about two of the things for which Aeneas is most criticised, which I haven’t already talked about in my previous Aeneid rants (all in my tag here, but especially this one).

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{Special}College!AU Wonho
  • major: anthropology
  • minor: archaeology 
  • sports: not on any teams even though every team keeps trying to recruit him. he just like works out every day @ the gym
  • clubs: he’s in three language clubs: spanish, hebrew, and japanese
  • wonho literally doesn’t spend any semester on campus, for the most part he studies abroad 
  • and like most people are like “oh, you’re going to spain or china right?” and wonho’s like “been there. im actually going to cyprus it’s this really small island-” and basically he’s never interested in visiting the big countries everyone’s always like so excited about. he always wants to go somewhere small, but with rich history. keeps begging the school to fund a trip to kuwait. 
  • has like ten piercings in each ear and tattoos done in every different country that he’s visited. when he was in japan he got a tebori tattoo (basically tattooing by hand without a machine) and by the end of it he was smiling and laughing and the tattoo artist was just like “this boy…….has the highest pain tolerance ive seen in anyone…….”
  • wonho really loves to live in the culture he’s studying rather than just read about it and what i mean by “live” can fall into the category of partying in that country with the college kids there and like wonho is no stranger to parties. when he is on campus (for like three weeks in the beginning of the semester) he’s literally invited to one every night
  • that might have to do with the fact that he’s considered one of the hottest guys on campus, and also one of the sweetest??? like first impression everyones like hmm jock but then wonho has like a flower tucked behind his ear that kihyun gave him and everyone’s like ok wait not not jock…..soft…..boy ……….which ON E
  • either way everyone loves him, at home or abroad LOL
  • and aside from partying he’s crazy about trying new foods, testing out his language skills on the locals, and of course visiting whatever sites there are to see and taking photos (his instagram? like 50 k followers and he’s literally just a kid in college L I KE )
  • his roommate hyungwon is always like ,,,,, dude you have so many damn souvenirs - like what even is that? and wonho’s like “oh that? that’s a wayang i got from jakarta, put down it’s fragile.” 
  • but it’s cute he brings hyungwon back books from all his travels since hyungwon’s a linguistics major and hyungwon lets wonho cover his side of the wall with maps of all the places he’s been
  • so like you actually don’t really know wonho. he’s in one of your philosophy classes which you have to take as a pre-req for another class and he isn’t there half the time and you’re too busy trying to keep up with the professor that you kinda just like you’re like not interested in the people around you
  • but when the professor announces that she’ll be offering a study abroad to West Bengal firstly you’re like LOL who has the money for that 
  • but one student seems extra excited and you GUESSED IT it’s wonho
  • and when you’re leaving the room, frantically trying to organize your folder for your next long lecture you feel someone tap your shoulder and you’re like ???/
  • and you look up and see this smiling boy and he’s like “are you gonna go on the study abroad??”
  • and you’re like what? the what? and he points over his shoulder to your classroom and he’s like “the study abroad, to West Bengal?” and you’re like sarcastically like hAHAHA yeah no i don’t have the money + i have three other super important classes. i can’t waste my time on that
  • and you don’t notice that the person who asks you is wonho the same way you haven’t noticed that for the past half a semester he’s been looking over at your side of the room
  • and he thinks you make the cutest facial expressions when you don’t get what the teacher means + he thinks that it’s cute when you pull the sleeves of your sweater over your hands because the AC in the room is on + he thinks you look cute coming in with coffee and bedhead because this CLASS is At 8:30 AM 
  • and tbh wonho has never really dated anyone for longer than a month because everyone he dates always restrains him from being curious and traveling but you,,,,, you seem so independent and even though your backpack is always overflowing with papers and you sometimes scribble into the margins of your notebook like 
  • it’s obvious to wonho that you have your priorities set straight, like you’re the only one even taking notes and you always rush out to get to your next class on time and wonho, like he really likes that about you
  • you, ofc, have no clue because you’re in a constant state of ‘oh my god i have a test in that class. oh my god i have work study at 4pm. oh my god i need to buy shampoo for the dorm after school’ and so dating? boys? NAH
  • but wonho ….. wonho becomes interested before he even knows it
  • and so when you go back to that class next week you sit down, take your notes out, take a sip of your coffee but then like 
  • you turn to the side and instead of the seat being empty like it usually is…..there is wonho
  • and he smiles at you and you’re like ?????? and he’s like “i can sit here, right?” and you’re like um….sure? and he’s like “thank you” and you just kinda look him over 
  • you see the ten piercings in his ear, the tattoos that go up his arm, the fact that he doesn’t even have a backpack and you’re like ? who is he
  • but like the teacher comes in and you try to find the page in your notebook with last weeks notes and you’re like here we go and as you’re re-reading you feel the boy scoot closer and you’re like “um?? do you have a question?”
  • and wonho looks up and he’s like “is it cool if i can see your notes, i just wanna make sure im keeping up?” and you kind of shift a bit awkwardly because again you don’t really know much past his name
  • but you don’t wanna be mean so you’re like ok, sure and so you move your book so he can see
  • and like he chuckles a bit and points to one of your doodles in the upper corner and he’s like ‘is that supposed to be the professor?’ and you’re like eEP what no,,,, and you snatch your book back and wonho is laughign into his palm like ‘that’s so cute!!!!’ and you’re like wihlgfdjfdw get your own notes bye
  • and you turn in your chair and wonho’s like still laughign to himself but he’s also like,,,,,,,,,in his head about you; ‘they’re,,,,,cute’
  • and tbh you think that’s the last time like it won’t happen again BUT GUESS WHO MOVES THEIR SEAT PERMANENTLY NEXT TO YOURS
  • and guess who keeps asking you if you’ve got anymore doodles to show him
  • and guess who compliments you on your keychains on your bag
  • and guess who says he’ll see you next week after class and waves
  • and guess who basically all of a sudden is getting really close and comfy with you
  • it’s WONHO 
  • and h o n e s  t ly like you don’t know how to reciprocate this attention because yes: you admit it, he’s cute and alluring and there is something about him that makes you want to ask questions and know more
  • but there’s also the fact that you’re busy and always stuck between school, work study, and whatever else is happening
  • and wonho is on this whole other wavelength of laid-back and you’re just like doing your best to get the top grades, work the most hours, and still get some damn sleep
  • like you and him are polar opposites and sometimes it just annoys you that he takes everything so easily
  • and when he comes into class one day, and starts telling you about this party he was at the other day you kinda just snap and get up and move to the other side of the room
  • because it’s like he’s distracting you and you don’t wanna listen to his crazy college life because you’re barely making it by
  • and wonho seems so shocked and you feel a little bad but in your head you’re like :this is for the best, he probably will forget about you completely 
  • but then you find yourself not seeing wonho in class for like three weeks and the teacher keeps bringing up that study abroad and you kinda know wonho was so into it, but you’re also like ??? it’s coming up but he’s not in class at all
  • and so finally you can’t believe it but curiosity gets the best of you and you find hyungwon in the library as per usual and you’re like,,,hey do you know this kid named wonho
  • and hyungwon snorts like “do i know him? i live with him.” and you’re like oH well….like is he sick??? and hyungwon raises an eyebrow like no? and you’re like ‘ah it’s just he….hasn’t shown up to class in a while so i was just you know, jsut,  you know…..”
  • hyungwon: worried?
  • you: NO it’s not like that
  • hyungwon: uhuh
  • you:…….anyway i gtg
  • and hyungwon before you leave is like ‘wonho works the night shift at the 7/11 outside of the campus. you can ask him why he’s been skipping there.’
  • and you’re like forget it,,,, like to yourself you’re like i dont need to be involved
  • BUT OFC MIDNIGHT COMES AROUND and you’re still up trying to cram in some studying when you’re like,,,,im hungry,,,,but your dormmate ate all the snacks and you’re like,,,,,,i could go to 7/11
  • and you try to convince yourself that no. you’re not going because you want to know about wonho. hey, you don’t even know if his shift is today right- right
  • but lbr the second you go in you look over at the cashier and WOW GuEss WHO
  • and you’re like ok ok don’t make eye contact just get your food and go, but once you bring everything up you hear the familiar laugh and wonho says your name and you’re like FRICK he knows and so you look up and he’s like
  • “what’s up?” and you’re like stuffing your hands into your hoodie looking away like “not much….” and you hand over how much you owe, but wonho swats your hand away and he’s like just take it and you’re like no take my money and he’s like seriously it’s fine
  • and you don’t know maybe it’s his niceness that gets you but you can’t hold back you’re like “why aren’t you coming to class.,…..” and wonho for the first time you see his smile falter
  • but he just sighs and he’s like “i work this job till 4 am, i just always end up oversleeping so….”
  • and you’re like “why’d you take an 8 am class than?” and he’s like “i got this job WHILE i was taking the class. i thought i’d be fine but,,,,”
  • and you’re like wait, what, how long have you been working here? and he’s like 3 weeks and your eyes widen and you’re like wHAT you just started here??? and wonho’s like “im saving up.” and you’re like “for the West Bengal trip?” and wonho grins like yep, but not for myself
  • and you’re looking at him puzzled and wonho’s like “are you that oblivious?” and you’re like what in the world
  • but then he’s leaning over the counter to gently kiss your lips and you damn near drop the can of coffee you’re holding and wonho pulls back and he’s like
  • “i already had enough to get a ticket for myself, i wanted to get one for you.”
  • and you’re like WOHA wAIT wHA T 
  • and wonho just grins that same grin and you’re like,,, you got a job??? for me??? someone you barely knew???
  • and wonho shrugs and he’s like “i kinda live on a motto that’s like do whatever you wanna do in the moment, and in that moment when you told me you didn’t have the money, i wanted to help you, i wanted to be there for you. even if we were strangers - i felt like this was something you deserved and ……here i am.”
  • and it takes you a second but you look at him and you can see he’s not lying and he’s being genuine 
  • and all of a sudden the guy you thought was kinda air-headed and too laid back for his own good becomes the kindest person you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting and you can’t believe it but you just have to ask again
  • “wonho, do you like me?”
  • “i want to do everything for you. so i guess, yeah, i guess i do really like you.”
  • and that night you forget about your textbook still waiting for you at home, you spend the rest of his shift sitting behind the register with him, talking to each other on such a deep personal level
  • and when the sun starts coming up and wonho needs to close up the store, he offers to walk you back to your dorm first
  • and you two kiss again, you kiss twice, three times, four times
  • and both you and wonho are so struck by the feeling that the minute you get inside you already have a text on your phone from him that reads ‘i miss kissing you’
  • and like he doesn’t make it to class again, but you make sure to take extra careful notes and before you know it you’re compiling the ones you have to give to him 
  • and when you see him again at the 7/11 he perks up and you tell him that he doesn’t have to keep working here, it’s fine if you don’t go on the study abroad - but wonho insists and so you hand him the notes and he just
  • he tells you you didn’t have to but you’re like seriously it’s nothing compared to what you’re doing for me
  • and ofc you two kiss some more until a bunch of college kids come in to buy beer
  • but before you leave, wonho asks gently if you two can date
  • and you’re like “i thought that was pretty clear?” and wonho smiles and he’s like “i just wanted to hear you say you were mine.”
  • long story short wonho finishes working at the 7/11 and pays for your ticket to West Bengal and it’s a trip you never forget
  • mostly because holy hell India is a beautiful country and the history and culture is so rich but also
  • wonho is there, by your side
  • and he makes everything so much more enjoyable because he’s so adventurous and sweet and goes from wanting to share his food with you to carrying you in his arms when you’re tired from all the sightseeing to tucking your hair behind your ear while the professor is lecturing you guys in at a local landmark and like best boyfriend ever???
  • wonho so easily makes friends with a bunch of people your age there and you’re kinda shy so you hide behind his back but wonho always knows if you’re uncomfortable or not so he doesn’t push it too much
  • but he does bring you out of your shell and he does calm you down when you start frantically talking about all the classes you missed while you guys were on the abroad 
  • he’s just,,,,he’s like chamomile tea, calming but also so good you want more….LOL
  • when you guys get back to school, everyone knows you’re dating because wonho’s traveling instagram has basically become a couplestagram with photos of you two holding hands and you looking at menus or art pieces and all that jazz
  • shownu on one of your photos: congrats! cute couple 
  • kihyun on literally Every Photo: WONHO GET IT YOU TWO LOOK SO DIDDLY DARN CUTE WHEN WILL I FIND A ROMANCE LIKE THIS YOU TWO ARE THE !MODERN! LOVE! #COUPLE_GOALS
  • jooheon right under kihyuns comment: shut up 
  • but it’s like adorable because all his friends are so supportive because they were all like Will Wonho Ever Find the One since he spends so much time out of the country and things like that
  • but you, you love the fact that wonho loves to travel and is always somewhere new instead of trying to tie him down you’re just like “wonho - you want to do it? do it!”
  • the only time you ever like lecture him is when he starts slipping on his school work you’re just like heY HEY you have a test concentrate and wonho’s like usually i just wing it baby and you’re like no more winging on my watch - we are going to study and make flash cards
  • and wonho’s like giggling because you’re so smart he loves you so much and you’re like akhfew he’s so cute but also you’re like ‘translate this phrase from japanese for me - go’ 
  • and like whenever wonho does leave you guys skype and like facetime like seriously sometimes he forgets timezones exist so you’ll get a call at like 3 am and it’s wonho standing in front of a waterfall or an ancient ruin and he’s like 
  • throwing up the peace sign like “look!!!! so pretty!!! you’re prettier though, i miss you- can you kiss the camera for me?”
  • and you’re tired and you’re like sleep but you kiss the camera because it’s wonho and he’s cute and you love him and ofc
  • brings you back souvenirs that are always like interesting and hyungwon’s like get them like a necklace or something but you’re like no no no im ok with this mummified bug. it’s cool
  • wonho does this thing where he holds you around the waist while you two are like in line or something and he rocks you back and forth 
  • he loves talking against your ear while you’re trying to study because you get all blushy and pouty with him and he thinks it’s ADORABLE
  • he sleep talks in different languages and it’s so funny you always snapchat it to everyone else in monsta x
  • the first time you stayed the night like it was after wonho got home from a trip with his archeology class and like it wasn’t that long, nothing like an abroad study, it was more like a three day workshop but it was during a time when you had so much on your plate
  • and when he got back you came over and hyungwon opened the door and was like “whats up-” but you were like ‘hyungwon, here’s 10 bucks go to the library or something and come back in like 3 hours’ and hyungwon was like wh- and then he wasl ike OH OK IM OUT
  • and basically wonho was like “hey, ive miss-” but you just started making out with him and you were like ‘ive been so stressed this whole time and you weren’t here so please, make up for it.
  • IF YOU know what i mean (-:
  • and wonho,,,,,oh wonho,,,,,,,,languages isn’t the only thing he’s good at.,,,,,like with his mouth OK ANWYAY ….
  • you’re like sitting in his bed with him, wearing his shirt and typing some stuff on his laptop for another class and he’s like how are you not tired??? and you’re like i have lost the ability to be tired, this is college
  • wonho actually has started writing his thesis and he’s actually so shy about showing it to anyone, but he opens up to you and when you read the first draft you’re like
  • ,,,,,wonho holy shit you’re so eloquent and ??? well written
  • and he’s blushing like oh stop don’t compliment me,,,,
  • hyungwon from somewhere: aCtually, his grammar isn’t that-
  • you: let’s fight pepe boy
  • you like know that wonho has a good body and whatnot but you see how shy he gets about it when people like ask him and so you always step in and get him out of awkward situations and he’s like il ove you so much and you’re like me too!!! also if someone asks you to flash your abs one more time i will personally dunk their head into the campus water fountain
  • wonho teaching you cool little phrases he learns when he’s abroad
  • wonho biting your neck playfully and changkhyun being like ew. im out
  • ok but also wonho has all these piercings and tats and you’re like sitting there in a big sweater and it’s cute everyone’s like…This Dynamic is Pure

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Truth or Dare ? Young!Sirius x Reader

Warnings : None

Words : 1770

Request : No, just a thing I thought about and kinda liked?? Hope you enjoy, and if you don’t.. meh, sorreh

Note : There might be some mistakes, tell me if you find some ! + GIF is not mine xx

Originally posted by dearremuslupin


It was nearly 10pm in the Gryffindor common room, the boys, Lily and you were sitting on the floor around the small table near the fireplace. The beautiful red headed girl was sitting on your left and Remus was on your right, facing Sirius and next to him, James. Peter had been really sick lately so he went to bed early, leaving the five of you alone for what was supposed to be a homework session which of course took quickly another turn, much to Remus and Lily’s disappointment. They always held the title of the « nerds » of the group, though they didn’t mind it and couldn’t even try to deny it.


« Let’s play a game ! »


James had said these words with way too much excitement, and the smirk that started to grow on his face was enough for you to know that he had a bad Potter idea, again.

The exaggerated eye-roll Moony gave him after that proved that he thought exactly the same thing, actually only Sirius seemed to be enjoying the idea because he knew that his best friend always had the best plans to have some fun.


« Which game do you wanna play, Prongs ? » asked the dark haired boy sitting next to him.

« Well I was thinking about Truth or dare, I know how much Y/N loves this game. »


He winked at you and you just sent him a death glare that only made him laugh harder. You didn’t like that game, in fact you hated it. The last time you played you had to ask a Slytherin guy out on a date, and he had had the great idea to say yes. It had been the worst date of your life and when you came back to explain it to the boys, they found it really hilarious and teased you for days. Well, all of them except for Sirius who strangely never said a single word about it.


« Do I really have a choice ? »

« Nope Y/N, I’m really scared you don’t.» answered Lily between two giggles, as you just laid your head on Remus’ shoulder as a sign of resignation.


__________


You had been playing for almost an hour, and right now you were watching Remus and Lily coming back from their respective rooms, wearing each other’s clothes. Lily looked more cute than ridiculous, but the black skirt that was barely covering Moony’s thighs made you all cry from laughter -except him, of course-. His cheeks were red and he mumbled something incomprehensible before sitting down next to you again, waiting for the four of you to calm down and get back at the game.


« Well it’s my turn and since you laughed at my face so bad, I’m choosing you my dear Sirius : truth or dare ? »

« You are evil. Truth. »


On the opposite side of the table, Sirius and James were looking at you, both smiling slightly and waiting for the question. Your eyes met Potter’s first and he winked at you in a childish way, before meeting Sirius’ gaze. Merlin, those eyes made you weak. To say you liked him was an understatement, you always had, since day one. Well how could you not ? He was charming, nice, funny but yet, you never had the courage to tell him about how you felt. He was so popular with the girls of the school and even though he only talked about it with his « mates », you knew he had a lot of hook ups and assumed he just wasn’t into stable relationships. You got back to reality when Remus cleared his throat, before he spoke again.


« Are you in love ? »

The question was simple, but everybody in the room froze, staring at Sirius. If his eyes had been knives, Remus would have died ten times already. Lily gently hit Lupin’s shoulder, saying something about how it wasn’t nice to ask such personal things. You took a sip of your tea, acting as if everything was normal but deep inside you, you could feel your heart beating fast and you weren’t even sure you wanted to hear his answer. Your Y/E/C eyes met his again, before he looked back at Remus and answered with the most calm and clear voice you had ever heard.


« No, I’m not. »


You instantly felt dumb about thinking he could have given the opposite answer, and finished your tea, avoiding him for the rest of the night.


__________


It had been five days since you played the childish game, and five days since you last spoke to Sirius. You were avoiding him and everyone could tell that, but only Lily knew why. She always knew about your feelings towards him and she tried to talk about it with you but you didn’t want to. Right now, you just needed to move on and concentrate about the essay you were working on. The library was almost empty and you were alone, now that your best friend had left you to go to one of her classes. You jumped when a hand found your shoulder, turning around quickly to meet a certain dark haired boy you knew too well. But for once, he didn’t smile at you nor did he seem happy at all.


« For Gordic’s sake Sirius, I nearly had a heart attack. »


Completely ignoring what you just said, he took a sit next to you, frowning and letting a loud sigh escape from his lips.


« What did I do to you ? » He didn’t let a single sound escape from your mouth and continued. « You haven’t even looked at me for days, don’t tell me you just need some time alone or one of those silly excuses, because you’ve been acting normally with everyone. Everyone except me. »


He spoke louder with every word, clearly mad at you and not giving a damn about the fact that you were in a place supposed to be quiet. You sighed, looking at him right in the eyes, something you didn’t think you were capable of right now.


« I didn’t think you would notice it, why does it matter to you? »


He gave you a confused look, while you were just praying that somehow he would just shrug his shoulders and leave, but you knew him well and Sirius was not gonna leave until he had a clear answer to his questions.


« Maybe because you’re my friend, maybe that’s why I fucking care about it ! »


This time he was shouting, half angry, half frustrated. You let out an ironic laugh, closing your book quickly before standing up, knowking that if he kept on yelling you would get just as angry as him and you didn’t want to fight. Not with him, not now, not here.


« Yes, I’m your friend. But you’re not mine. »


He stood up with a speed you didn’t think was possible, and your heart broke when you saw the deeply hurt expression on his face. His dark eyes were staring right into yours, and you could feel his body tense in front of you.


« If I’m not your friend, then tell me, what am I ? »


You opened your mouth several times, but words didn’t come out. You knew you couldn’t escape, you knew you had to tell him, here and now. You took a deep breath, staring at the ground because you didn’t have the courage to look at him.


« I can’t believe you never saw it. Maybe you didn’t want to after all but here we go. I like you Sirius. More than a friend does, more than Remus likes James. I always did and now I feel so stupid for thinking even for a second that you could feel the same. I feel stupid for thinking you, Sirius Black the great women magnet, could feel anything at all. »


In a strange way you felt released, but now all you wanted to do was get out of this place and that’s why you didn’t let him a chance to say anything and started to walk towards the great Hall as fast as you could. Before you could reach the exit, a large hand grabbed your foreharm and made you turn around, bumping in the tall chest of the boy you left just seconds ago. He didn’t let go of your arm, holding it even more strongly while you slowly looked up at him. There was a look on his eyes that you had never seen before, and you couldn’t tell if it was grief or anger.


« That’s the way you see me ? Like I’m some kind of monster that can’t feel a damn thing? Well I’m sorry to tell you that you’re wrong Y/N, just plainly wrong. I knew I shouldn’t have lied the other night during that stupid game, but I thought you knew me enough to know I was lying. I do feel things, and yes, I’m.. » He looked down for a second, closing his eyes while inhaling, before staring right back at you again « … I’m fucking in love with you. »


His words were rough, and his lips even more. He crashed them on yours as soon as he finished speaking, cupping your face between his hands. The book you still held fell to the ground and it took you a few seconds to realise what whas happening. You moved your hands to his hair, pulling him closer, as you felt him smile through the kiss, moving his lips against yours while gently brushing your cheek with his thumb. You slowly broke your embrace, your foreheads still touching and couldn’t help but smile, giving him a peck on the lips.


« I feel like an idiot. »

He chuckled, wrapping his arms around you before whispering in your ear.

« Well now you’re my idiot. »


__________


Hidden behind a book shelf, a brown haired boy smiled childishly to his lover, holding his hand out to her.

« Sorry Lils, but it looks like you owe me ten galleons. »