i feel like a schmuck

Art by @sikuzxxx, translated by me with permission

Translation of the artist’s caption (oh boy here we go):

Sakura is expressing I know the two of you only have two sofas but could you please just pull a chair over to sit in it what the hell kind of relaxed pose is this to show me first thing in the morning you jerks need to be nicer to single people especially since now even freaking Ino isn’t single I feel like I’m the last single schmuck in Konoha and what the hell is with that taunting smile Sasuke-kun wanna know when the two of you became these old women help me out a little ok I just came by to give you the mission assignment why are you making me look at this scene I’m a little out of it right now I should calm down oh yeah “Calm Down [Jing Jing]” is the name of Tsunade-sama’s pig’s baby

Translated in honour of @starcrests, in thanks for being supportive of my OTP’s fandom wrt haters, here is your OTP SNS, hope all SNS shippers have a great day :3

Fucking Awesome.

I realize with a 93 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, we’re bound to hear a lot of people gush over this movie. I mean, that’s all we ever do on this blog, but I know after a while it’s gonna get old to hear people sing its praises, even if it hasn’t reached that point quite yet (on its fucking release date), so just be warned people of the future: I loved it.

Oh, and people of the now: if you haven’t seen it, I don’t want to overhype it anymore than it’s already been (plus, you know, spoilers abound), so skip past this post for now if you’re interested in seeing it yourself.

… We good?

HOLY SHIT. Like, okay, I’m not gonna say it’s flawless or anything, but can I use a fucking synonym? I know, I know, that isn’t entirely fair, it’s still worth analyzing and taking apart but. I just. It’s the kind of movie I don’t mind picking apart, because it’s so solid that no criticism I could come up with really takes away from this shit, like geez.

Okay, cool down your down-unders, I haven’t even finished the intro. Shit. Shit. Shit. Ugh. I wanted to shorten my posts, because they’ve been a little lengthy lately and long-form stuff has to be, uh, good to be rebloggable on tumbles, but I’m sorry, it’s so dense with awesome you know and I know I have to do this.

Fuck yeah, it’s Civil War.

Team Cap

Since every character gets a chance to shine I feel like the only way to do this is to go character by character.

Captain America: So, it’s Cap’s movie. I know his movies haven’t always been the most popular of the MCU, but I’ve always loved them– and now the ‘Murica! Trilogy reaches a glorious conclusion, each movie better than the last.

Cap’s emotional journey through this so awesome. Every step felt necessary. Killing off Peggy felt right because it leaves Steve with no one left from his past and sets up his reunion with Bucky.

You can tell how much he can’t budge on this, and how disillusioned he’s become with the government since Winter Soldier, and it just comes together awesomely. The speech at Peggy’s funeral felt pretty on-the-nose, but I liked how it really made sense in context for Peggy (The “No. You move.” line was so kickass), and that at least didn’t break my immersion, you know?

The only thing I will say is that the whole grand-niece of my ex is still little on the odd side. Nothing’s wrong particularly, they even met before they knew about the Peggy thing, but there’s my nitpick for you.  

Bucky/Winter Soldier: #BuckyDidNothingWrong2k16

I loved exploring more of his character! And the motorcycles! Motorcycles everywhere! True angst right there, all he needs now is a leather jacket and points card to Hot Topic and he’s set.

Gosh, I love the whole “Who am I talking to?” thing because it’s impossible for him to stay in control when they activate his sleeper agent side and just … He knows he wasn’t in control but he remembers everything and still knows he was the one who did it– I JUST.

And his bromance with Steve. Ugh. Ugh, that’s my heart, I use it thanks. I loved that they included that little part where he and Steve are just bantering and they smirk about being old men. Sweet begeebus, that’s my fucking shit.

Sam/ Falcon: Yes. Falcon got jokes. Falcon got character-development– like, I love how when Iron Patriot goes down he’s right there with Tony plunging after him, he doesn’t give a shit who’s “side” he’s on. Falcon is pure.

I love the little drone gag, too, and just giving him more to do in this movie than previous ones. More Falcon. Yes, this is good.

Wanda/Scarlet Witch: I love. I just love. Did you see her fucking lip tremble when she realized what she did to the building and how many people she hurt? Like, she’s about to break down right there, it’s everything she’s afraid of in herself.

So then her whole storyline of controlling her own fear instead of trying to change everyone else’s- HOT DAMN, THAT’S SO FUCKING RAD.

And, ugh, Wanda, can you not be so adorable with Vision? Have you even tried? Because it doesn’t seem like you’ve tried.

Also, as a side note, I feel like her and Vision were holding back in the throwdown (along with Clint, and probably most of them). You always see her playing defense and stuff like that– unless I’m wrong– she never goes after anyone because she could probably tear them apart and that’s not what this is about for her.

More Wanda, I scream to the sky, much, much more!

Ant Man: Paul Rudd is so cute as Ant-Man. He’s still a fanboy of all these big superhero names, like Spidey is on the other team, and he feels like such an average joe that I can’t help but love the schmuck!

His size gags are so great and make for some cool moments in battle. I can’t stress enough how much I enjoyed his little portions of the movie (I’m never stopping the puns, stop me and die).

Surprising: they didn’t mention his daughter when he’s in jail. His movie was about cleaning up his act so he could be with her again. With the level of detail they went into, I’m surprised they didn’t give him a line for that, or at least let him talk to Clint about being a Superhero Dad. I need that in my life.

Please let them start a club together.

Clint/Hawkeye: Gotta think about that fam, man. Clint continues to be so fucking adorable. He missed taking his kids to shit for this; I want one of them to kick Tony and Steve in the shins for landing their dad in jail.

And the adorableness contines. I can’t even remember to who (Wanda?), but he introduces himself as Clint instead of Hawkeye as if they’re at a company barbecue or something. He’s so friendly and sweet. P r o t e c t  h i s  f a m i l y.

Team Iron Man

Iron Man: My friend wasn’t sold on Tony’s grieving at the end, but honestly, I gotta disagree. It’s such an Oh Shit moment, and the reason it works is because it’s set up really well. Tony literally tells the audience he’s been repressing his grief for his parents, and secretly wishes he could’ve made up with his dad– so much so he built some crazy-ass holographic projection of his last memory with the guy and fixed it so he tells him he loves him and knows he did his best.

So, to find out there was someone to blame, right in front of him, instead of a freak-accident– on top of the emotions already built up through the movie – I didn’t need convincing, personally.

I’ve gotta say that I was surprised they didn’t call back to that vision in Age of Ultron where Tony ends up killing all his friends. Going in, I assumed that would be his reason for wanting the government to help protect them– but I’m going to be watching closer next time because at one point he almsot says something like “I’m trying to protect–” and finishes it with something else. So, I think it’s definitely there, but since we already saw it in the last Avengers, it’s kinda cool that he has a more subtle motivation, on top of his guilt.

Also: Why, Pepper, why?

Also also: ‘Sometimes I want to hit in your perfect teeth, but I can’t because I need you …’

Black Panther: *Slow clap of admiration* God fucking damn, T’Challa. That image of him leaping out to his dad with the explosion already engulfing everything– I just. And his accent is so wonderful, I just enjoy listening to this guy, like yes. More of this, please.

You get this guy. From when he first walks on to his last scene, you just get him. He’s got a great storyline, he kicks ass, and he fits the movie so well. The whole revenge is not the answer plot is old hat, but you feel for him so much and it fits the Civil War story so well that I can’t say anything but bravo.

Black Panther movie, here we come.

Black Widow: Killing it again. Was there ever any doubt she would? Let me just say that her whole double-cross thing– and Tony’s line, like owwww, why would you do that – just makes me wonder how long she was planning on mediating. The conflict escalated naturally, so it wasn’t like she could see the fight coming the whole time, but with her history with governments, I mean, they even pointed it out in the beginning.

Because even when she was firmly on Iron Man’s side, about to fly out and sign the damn treaty, she stops in with Steve to make sure he’s not alone after his friend dies … FUCK, Nat is so fucking great, I love her.

And that line with Clint “We’re still friends, right?” – UGH, MY HEART. IT’S LIKE IF SHE’S ASKING IF SHE CAN STILL VISIT THE KIDS AFTER THIS. GEEZ.


(Sidenote: Rights are weird. Like, you can buy the rights to have them in an ensemble movie, but not necessarily their own solo movie– is that what’s happening with Black Widow? Because that doesn’t make sense, either, she’s never been sold off to another company, as far as I know … )

Rhodey/War Machine: I feel bad for saying it, but Rhodey never seemed to stand out before. Maybe I missed something, but even in the Iron Man movies the dude seemed to reserved and didn’t leave too much of an impression on me.

But Civil War made me feel for him. I feel like we knew he was a marine before this movie, but his lines when he’s learning how to walk again is the first time I really felt the history behind this character, you know? Is that just me?

Anyway, I’m really glad they didn’t kill him off just because you got to see the effects on him, so his crash felt less like a plot device for the other characters, and more like something tragic that broke up the fight. Weird to say the lesser of two extremes does that better, but I think you know what I mean.

The Vision: Even as someone who enjoyed Age of Ultron, I didn’t know what to make of Vision in that movie. He’s kinda Tony’s son, but not really, and I can’t distinctly tell you what his character was (it’s been a while to be fair). Here, his dry British delivery and adorable we’re-both-outsiders friendship with Wanda grounds the character in my mind. Plus, we even get a little insight into his gem thing– and did anyone else’s heart break when they saw it light up red with Wanda’s magic when she was controlling him? Such a great moment.

Spiderman: I went into this hearing Spiderman fans sing his praises, and I get it. Tom Holland made an adorable, wise-cracking,inexperienced Spiderman– and the character even feels like a real teenager. Part of it is because I haven’t seen Tom Holland in a lot, but a large part of it is just the writing, and the unconfident, insecure way he carries himself as Peter Parker.

Hot Aunt May is at least a joke in the actual movie, so while I know that part might not be as true to the source material, it’s at least addressed in an entertaining way.

God damn Homecoming coming home in 2017 … by the way, that was one of the words Bucky was trained to respond to and I’m just sitting there in the theatre thinking that’s what the Spiderman movie’s going to involve, but then Bucky is frozen at the end. So, back to Spidey in a tux dancing with Deadpool (hey, a girl can dream) …

Divided We Fall

Okay, so now I should wrap up with general stuff I loved, like how this movie didn’t end with things resolved really. The only relationship we know for sure is mended to some capacity is Tony and Steve’s, and even then it’s probably still rocky.

The team’s still pretty broken up, so it’s going to be really interesting to see how they come back together stronger and with greater numbers for Infinity Wars.

Aside from that, I love how, even though this was a popcorn-flick and not a “thinking person’s movie,” they still put in some really clever writing that let the audience work it out for themselves. Like the “You have a bit of green in your eyes things … nice to know you’re imperfect after all” thing. It took me a second to make the Nazi connection and when I did it was startling. LittleNightwing liked the realism in that, but I just thought it was a damn well-written line.

Also, I’m not really big on action sequences. That’s weird to say, but a lot of the time I’m more drawn to dialogue-based scenes, so I won’t notice a lot of the time whether action is done well or not– unless, it’s really good.

Like, people weren’t lying when they said it was impressive. I never wanted that fight scene at the airport to end, I couldn’t believe how much fun I was having! It was so satisfying, and everyone got their spotlight! And not just that scene, but in so many others, the action felt really creative, didn’t it? Like that scene where Bucky and Cap use the apartment around them to kick the shit out of those goons without killing them. Plus, since everyone has their own fighting style, it’s all so dynamic and awesome! That’s how you do action, my friends.

I can’t believe how character-driven this movie is. I’m so glad to see a Marvel movie done this right at this stage in the game. Avengers blew a lot of minds because we’d never seen a superhero team-up work on screen, and since then there’s been a lot of movies. Even though most have been pretty dang good, I know the Marvel train can’t last forever without people starting to get sick of it.

(Not me, really;  I admire that they’ve tried to give each solo movie it’s own feel, for the most part, so I could go on for a while pretty entertained)

But this is what the MCU needed. A breath of fresh whoop-ass to keep audiences on board, for the long haul. I just … I didn’t even have a point this entire post, I’m just excited to see it again so I can enjoy the characters, the action, and the wonderful balance of fun and drama all over again. Anyone wanna come with?