i feel like a fool but i really want to make this post

My favorite Shady/Illegal tips

*If you don’t have a stamp, reverse your destination and return addresses. The post office will deliver it to the return address for free

*One bag of garbage from a McDonald’s dumpster has hundreds of receipts in it, each of which has a survey. Submit each one for lots of free food

*Holding a cell phone to your ear justifies loitering. This aids in public urination, dumpster diving, stalking, trespassing, etc

*If you’re going to plagiarize, plagiarize something in a foreign language. Use a translator and spend a few minutes touching up the results.

*If they have free refills, save your cup. Next time you eat there, your drink is free.

*A plastic coffee stir stick can fool any push in coin acceptor that loads the coins on edge. Just insert stir stick, push the mechanism forward until you feel the stick hit a bump, push the bump down with the stick and push the mech all the way in

*If you look like you know what you’re doing, no one will bother you.

*When lying, always include something slightly embarrassing, or something that makes you look bad, as part of your story. It’s not only going to disarm their skepticism (admitting to something embarrassing gives an impression of humility), but even if they remain skeptical, they’ll be left wondering why you would make something up that you’d rather keep secret if it were true

*Using Clorox or any bleach will turn the red/pink liquid detection dot on electronic devices back to white so they replace them under warranty

* “A drug dealer in DC taught me to pick my nose if the police are staring at me. No one picks their nose if they think someone is watching them, so it’s the ultimate way of being nonchalant.”

* "I learned that you can get into almost any special event by wearing a chef coat. Even just carrying one and walking like you know where you’re going will work every time. Most people don’t want to look stupid by asking you who you are.“ 

* "My go to missing work call was never "I’m sick”, it was “Family problems”. They never questioned it, it’s vague enough and embarrassing enough that nobody ever asks.“ 

*As part of the employee training at Target, they teach you that if a customer argues over a price, and the full price is under $20, to just give it to them for whatever price they claim. It’s cheaper for the company to move on to the next customer than to call in a price check.

*Put a rolled up sock in the change slot on a vending machine, come back back 4 days later….and pull sock….you will be 6-ish dollars richer.

*If it’s a small lie, like who farted or who put the empty milk carton in the fridge, I’ll tell a terrible lie. I’ll not be able to hold a straight face, contradict myself, basically suck at lying.Now everyone I know thinks I can’t tell a lie to save my life. So when I really need a big lie, I nail it every time. No one ever suspects me when I lie straight faced.

*Bring crutches to an airport. Bypass every line (including boarding) and you are chauffeured to your gate the second you pass through security.

*Make up a secret to share with someone- they may open up and share far more valuable real secrets.

*Here’s a classic. Drive over to your 7/11 of choice. Fill up a Slurpee and drop some candy bars in that bitch. Make sure the candy bars aren’t showing. Cover the Slurpee and pay for it. Free Snickers bitch.

*I tell everyone i’ve never done any drugs. Suddenly everyone offers me cocaine, ecstasy, pot, lsd. I think i’ve had $200 worth of drugs each weekend for free.Same with liquor. "Im not drinking tonight” BOOM! Everyone gives me booze. Its like everyone wants to break your integrity as soon as you tell them you are not doing whatever they are doing.

*If you need to cash from an ATM and its not a large amount, buy a 5 cent piece of gum from a gas station that has the cash back option. Its cheaper than a $3 charge

*Act less intelligent than you really are. Acting stupid can get you out of some tricky situations. Feigning ignorance is way better than admitting you knew better but did it anyway. My old man used to say ‘It is easier to beg forgiveness than ask for permission’…sometimes it’s true.

*Every time I fly, when I land I’ll pen a little complaint to the airline that flew me. You know, I’ll come up with something like “oh, they denied me a drink! Oh, the food wasn’t vegetarian!” Whatever miscellaneous hogwash potpourri comes to my crazy brain. And like clockwork, within a business day, they’re reimbursing me with a $50 voucher, a $100 voucher, I can sell that on the secondary market.

*I’ve always had a lot of success in shutting nosy people up by blaming any personal issue on allergies. Crying from a panic attack? Allergies giving me puffy eyes. What’s that mysterious pill I’m taking? Allergy meds. Why am I acting spaced out/hungover/tired? Allergies meds making me drowsy.

*If you really wanna get away with some shit, buy a reflective vest, a white hard hat, and a clipboard. You can go ANYWHERE.

Okay I’m about to spill some tea

SO “oh look, taylor swift is dragging up past drama to sell her new album, look at her playing the victim again, you’re still over”

is what all the haters happen to be screaming (among over ridiculous things) tonight, following the release of Look What You Made Me Do, the lead single to Swift’s 6th album: Reputation. But let’s take a little trip down memory lane to see if Taylor really is playing the victim. Hold on ladies, it’s gonna be a long one. 

2006-2008  

Taylor broke out in 2006, and when Love Story stormed the charts in late 2008 she became a global superstar and thus named “America’s Sweetheart” a bittersweet and dangerous title for any young female star, because it’s so easy to fall from the top. She was immediately held to an impossibly high standard of perfection, in every aspect of her life, and she handled this with grace. 

Keep reading

Some hilarious writing prompts

Alright so a few days ago I decided to look for some hilarious text posts on tumblr and I laughed so much I just had to write some prompts! (is possible to be customized)
(Send me requests with 1/1+ prompt/s. I write about a lot of fandoms and also a lot of different things : one shots/scenarios/imagines/headcanons/chats/conversations/aesthetics/alomst anything) REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

*1. Do I look like I give a fuck?
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*2. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! HOw dare you.
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*3. Me? Overreacting? Probably.
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4. I used to be passive aggressive, but now I’m aggressively passive. Don’t mess with me kiddo. I’ll be right here. I’ll fucking forgive you.
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5. A: Whar are you doing?
B: Avoiding.
A: Avoiding what?
B: Everything.
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*6. This was impulsive. Probably shouldn’t have done it. WHO CARES?
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*7. You’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because I think about kissing you all the time.
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8. A: It’s okay, I’m not mad.
    A (5 mins later): Actually? You can go to Hell.
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9. I hate people who get personally offended when I’m in a bad mood, likeI’m not mad at you Susan (name), I’m mad at the world!
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10. A to A: Bitch, if you actually applied yourself in like…anything, you’d be dangerous ,damn my lazy ass.
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11. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but there’s a lot of it.
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12. Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.
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13. That sounds like responsibility and I want no part in it.
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14. Why am I better than everyone? Jesus, life’s hard.
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15. A: How do you make someone holy?
B: You beat the hell out of them.
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16. A: I’m amazed of how insignificant we actually are.
B: Not me, I’m important.
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17. If anyone can do it, then someone who isn’t me can do it.
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18. In the old days of one week ago things were different. Now look at us - slightly older than we were back then, other clothes and such.
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19. I’m not going to claim that I know everything, I’m simply going to act like it.
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*20. You have to “see it to believe it”, so as long as I’m not looking I don’t have to believe in anything.
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21. I’m visualising a powerful mystical energy at the moment.
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22. If I don’t learn anything from my mistakes then I don’t have to consider them mistakes in the first place.
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23. Why the hell is there always this one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder? No offence though.
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24. A: If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not.
B: THanks.
A: You’re welcome.
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25. I wanna do dirty stuff with you like farming.
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26. A: What are you reading?
B: 10 tips for beutiful hair the Government doesn’t want you to know.
A: wHAT the fuck?
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27. A: I’m tired of these constant near-death experiences.
B: (opinional) don’t be a whiny bitch, bitch.
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28. Man, how many eye contact until date?
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29. God has a favourite comedy tv series and it’s called “my life”.
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30. Sometimes all you can say is “yikes” and then just on the fuck on.
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31. Why is everyone having their mid-life crisis at like 19?
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32. It’s a beutiful day to give me money, honey.
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33. Women aren’t complicated, you’re just dumb.
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34. Well this social situation isn’t going the way I acted it out in the shower.
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35. No offence, but my favourite hobby is staying hydrated and beautiful.
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36. I’m actually pretty cool if you give me like 5 tries to get it right.
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37. Today I’m feeling cloudy with a chance of sarcastic.
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38. Be prapared to add a cute emoji next to my name in your contacts list because you’re gonna love me.
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*39.A: Babe, I’m not grabbing your boob, I’m grabbing your heart.
B: That’s my right boob though.
A: Babe.
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40.Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough.
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41.What makes me feel like a failure the most is when I can’t remember the answet to a Harry Potter trivia question.
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42.I hate it when I’m really nice…And then people are just not that nice? Like what the fuck.
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43.Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
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*44.Is your name candle? Because I wanna blow you.
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*45. So, was that just awkward eye contact, or were we checking eachother out?-

46.You know, having feelings is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch.
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47.My turn ons? Well I don’t know, maybe some fucking common sense.
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48.I may seem like an angry person on the surface, but deep inside I’m actually angrier.
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49.I ship me and that boat.
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50.Listen. I did mean to make you upset and I do think your opinions are shit. But you’re still my friend so it’s okay.
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51.Because my two moods are like glitter and death.
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*52.My kink is closing the fucking bathroom door, because no one wants to see you fucking pee!
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53.If I go to Hell I’m gonna constantly torture everyone by continuously asking if it’s hot in here or is it just me.
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54.Oh my God are you seeing this shit?
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55.Graduated top of my class from Hogwarts school of bitchcraft and misery.

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56.A (shows up at your door 10 years after we had an argument): aND ANOTHER THING

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57.I’ll betray all of you in the Hunger Games.

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58.Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend, the dawing realization that I fucked up real bad.

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59.I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just life in general.

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60.I’m not racist, I hate everyone equally.

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61.Tell me I’m cute or something, so I can roll my eyes at you, but then blush when I think about it later.

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62.You know when your hair is greasy and it makes you feel so bad about yourself? And your entire life. Everything is awful because my hair is greasy.

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63.True love is having a crush even when he got a haircut you know.

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64.Emotions? You know, I just push my tear back into my eye and tell it “Not now, you little bastard!”.

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65.Are we gonna hold hands, or what?

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66.My soul leaving my body, but with one of those slide whistle sound effects.

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67.A: I love you.

B: What if I got a bowl cut?

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68.I should really stop planning my future around being rich or famous…but I can’t.

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69.I’m aggressively thibking about having sex with you and trying to keep a straight face at the same time. Do you know hOW hard that is?

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70.My opinion is no.

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71.Did you fall from heaven, because so did Satan.

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72.What to hear a fairytale? Once upon a time you weren’t such a little bitch.

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73.Which is messier - my life or my hair?

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74.How can you face the problem when the problem is your face?

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75.Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to know wHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

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76.Read a girl who dates books.

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77.My hands are cold let me put them in your pants.

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78.I’m sorry, you must be at least level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory.

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79.My therapist once told me that I have this obsession with seeking revenge…we’ll see about that.

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80.You have lips, I have lips…interesting.

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81.Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?

/PART TWO/


/170715 ; a Temporary side note: please for the moment don’t send me requests with the numbers that have a (*). I’ve received so many requests with those, I’m starting to run out of ideas :D Thank you ! / - persuasivus

V OPENING VIDEO BREAKDOWN

I am posting the ENGLISH lyrics as well as the characters that show at that point in ( )…a number following so you can see my ramble about it. These lyrics are absolutely beautiful and breathtaking. This song is beautiful. 


In search of shining ray

Daffodil swaying beneath the blaze (V shown)*1

Trying to bloom with all its might (Rika)*2

It puts in all it’s heart

This, a song of dreams sweetly sung

This, a song of memory lonely sought (Jumin and Zen)*3

Into the light the flower may flourish (Jahee and Yoosung)*4

It takes a push to make me perish (Saeyoung and Saeran)*5

Shall there be light, do forgive me

Even the act I feign to protect me

Shall there be hope, flower shall blossom

Even if surrendering my everything in whole (V)*6

Love tenderly this daffodil (Picture of V and Rika)*7


The sun is the mother of all. 


*1. V is alluded as a flower, in this piece. As he often calls Rika his ‘sun’ it would make sense. As much as a flower needs a sun to thrive and grow, V also needs Rika to live. Or, rather, he sees that he lives BECAUSE OF her. He is happy living, swaying beneath the blaze of her bright beams. 

*2. ‘Trying to bloom with all it’s might.’  Rika seems through the game to look a bit down on V and his dependence. To me, this comes from a point of view of someone looking down at this daffodil, watching it struggle to live and keep going but never giving up, much like Rika with V. Through her, he is trying to thrive as much as he can, by any circumstances. He puts his whole heart into loving her, because through her, he lives as well. 

*3. ‘Lonely sought’ these two characters are arguable the loneliest in the game. They both feel misunderstood. They both feel as if they will never find someone to love them. They are too complicated. Their lives are too.complicated! This line really applies to them both and it is beautiful and a smart move with this placement. 

*4. ‘Into the light the flower may flourish.’ BOTH of these characters were essentially lost. Jaehee was in a dead end job she never intended on staying at, Yoosung lost his motivation after Rikas “death.” But, with MC’s guidance…they are shown the light…and they FLOURISH. Like a flower. Make sense??

*5. This one is a bit more intense and deep. ‘It takes a push to make me perish.’ The Choi boys have been through a lot. ‘It takes a push’-could mean the push that Rika and V gave Saeyoung to go into hacking and Saeran to join the cult, leading them out of the light and into this darkness, causing them to perish. They trusted these people, and all they needed was that extra push to go into it. 

*6. ‘Even if surrendering my everything’ this is so classic V, understandable that he would be shown during this line. He doesn’t care if he loses everything he is. Like the secret endings, he is willing to die as long as he can prove his undying love to Rika. He gives himself willingly to the person he loves 

-BUT- 

*7. ‘Love tenderly this daffodil’ hurts a lot. It shows a new side to him. We usually only see V as this love addled fool. But this line. He gives himself, puts himself out there for her, and yet…he is scared. He wants a kindness in return. Please, love me tenderly…No, love [at all] tenderly. I may be devoted to you, living under you, but please, don’t hurt me. 


-The sun is the mother of all- 

Rika is the center of this entire damn game. She is. Every single character revolves around her. The plot revolves around HER. Plain and simple. Rika is the epicenter and that will never change. 

—————

And she did. She hurt him, badly. Many times. 

Chertiz, take all of the time you need. Because I want to be able to romance and heal this poor boy properly. I do. 

things i love about Bakugou include:

  • his adorable spiky hair
  • his orange/red eyes
  • his eyes are so pretty??? he’s got long eyelashes and they’re just… so damn pretty…. wtf
  • he’s just so pretty and he looks like a tiny, angrier version of his mom and that’s adorable
  • his adorable baby sideburns
  • his BUFF ASS ARMS
  • how fucking creative he is with his powers?? like?? he’s so good at controlling his explosions and coming up with super creative ways to use them???
  • his adorable little cocky smirks
  • his “i give no fucks except actually i do but i will never fucking admit to it so shut your fucking mouth before i blow your ass up” attitude
  • how he’s an angry crier and super emotional 
  • how he’s actually pretty chill too??? when he’s not pissed off????
  • how he shows kindness by being an aggressive, angry little shit
  • how he’s a little shit in general
  • mr. “only time he smiles is when Deku gets punched in the nuts” 
  • and then he calls the kid cute
  • Bakugou no
  • how he doesn’t wear socks
  • his dumbass baggy pants. child. child pull up your pants. please. 
  • his tanktops
  • how he shows off his teeth when he’s in battle as if he’s trying to intimidate his opponents by showing his teeth like animals do
  • how tiny he looks with sleeves on but then he looks fucking hUGE in tank tops 
  • his dumbass adorable little description for his hero outfit (including KILL WITH MY KNEES and SOMETHING AWESOME!!!)
  • also his shitty little doodles of himself and the how he actually kinda sucks at art when he’s so good at everything else
  • how he’s SUPER SMART but doesn’t know how to friend
  • HOW HE’S 3RD IN THE CLASS he’s mr. blasty angry guy but BOY DON’T LET THAT FOOL YOU BOY IS SMART AS FUCK
  • “how does one show concern? oh, i know, by telling them WATCH YOUR DAMN SELF”
  • how he admires All Might so much and wants to be just like him and has built his entire view of heroes on the person he admires the most b/c in the end he’s still just a kid and still has those pure, child-like admiration and goals ten years later and nothing is going to stop him from reaching those goals 
  • (which sometimes isn’t healthy or good but. still. he’s working on it)
  • how he comes up with dumbass nicknames for people he doesn’t care about b/c he’s too lazy to remember their names unless they catch his attention and earn his respect
  • how he’s slowly growing as a person and how he’s giving out advice to his classmates and doing it willingly and helping when they feel down and he’s slowly making friends even without really knowing how but the rest of the class is noticing that he’s not just an angry little rage machine but he’s slowly getting better and trying and they’re getting inspired by him 
  • i just love everything ok
Peridot, Lapis and The Land Where Nothing Grows

So yeah. Stevenbomb 8 was about breaking up and grieving. I think Peridot’s feelings regarding her relationship with Lapis, her grieving and her way of dealing with both of those things were explained to us in one of the most beautiful metaphors  she show has used yet: Back to the kindergarden. 

I think that last piece of dialogue at the end of the episode actually reflect Lapis and Peridot’s relationship, as well as the posibility for both of them to move on. Here’s what I mean:

I. RELATIONSHIP: “I was a fool to think we could reinstitute life there”

“Guess the country side here is really beautiful…but who cares?! I wanted to have this for the kindergarden!”

Lapis, as we know, is a deeply damaged individual. She has never actually confronted her traumas, never dealt with her feelings and so we have her circling back to defense mechanisms whenever something slightly threatening shows. Her first instint is to fly the fuck away and never be seen or heard of again because if they can’t find you, they can’t hurt you, throw you to war or trap you in a fusion or a mirror. She has “safe” tattooed on her brain, and while none of these things make her a bad person™, they do make her someone who should seek out help before making harsh decissions. 

Peridot, on the other hand, is shown to have gone above and beyond- not neccessarily a good thing- to make Lapis happy, to make her feel safe, to provide that bubble-like environment that would give her security and would make sure that nothig bad or threatening ever, ever, EVER, touched her again. She found more artistic outlets as substitutes for her creative, curious mind. She stayed away from CG business (mostly), and instead gardened and grew a wall of crops. She made everything domestic, soft and quiet. In her never ending fear (bc Peridot is shown to be fucking frightened of inconveniencing Lapis) of disturbing Lapis in anyway, Peridot behaved like and enabler, lost herself in the bubble that did nothing to prevent Lapis from losing herself as well. 

Lapis and Peridot’s relationship is the land where nothing grows. Is the product of hiding from yourself, running from your issues, numbing your emotions, being afraid of the other. Nothing good can grow there, nothing will bloom in a foundation that lacks equality, communication and trust. 

The moment Peridot gets emotional, Lapis invalidates her. The moment she starts being anything other than the goofy, soft and slightly quirky gem and shows herself as a complex individual with worry, fears and irrational attatchments, Lapis can’t deal, so she snaps. And Peridot doesn’t know how not to be  an enabler either. This was doomed to fail but still they tried. Peridot tried, Lapis too, in her own way, and damn, it still ended.  

Originally posted by ask-futureboyzoltron

II. GRIEF: “once you messed something up, it’s ruined for good and nothing will be able to grow again!”

This one’s pretty self explanatory: Is the classical post- breakup hopelessness. If you failed so bad at something you loved so much, then obviously nothing’s going to work out for you ever gain. Ever. You’re a ruiner so stick it, sucks to be you. 

III. ACCEPTANCE: Even if there was nothing we could do for that one patch of land, there’s still a whole earth blooming all around us!” 

The stages of grieving are well known, and Peridot is just inmerse in her process to actually see a light out, so is Steven the one in charge of exposition this time. 

The key here is “nothing we could have done for that specific patch of land”. So yeah, relationships don’t always work out. Sometimes, regardless of how much love you put in there, how much work and sweat, nothing grows. And that’s ok .

Some people are adequate for you, some aren’t. The same goes for you: It may be not work out due to compatibility issues, or maybe even you weren’t what they needed at a given time, like Peridot and Lapis. I’m sure they loved eachother, but they just weren’t adequate for each other at the moment. Doesn’t mean that any of them are doomed to solitude or damaged beyond repair, it just mean you couldn’t grow something with that specific person, in that particular patch of land. 

Originally posted by doafhat

IV. She’ll survive: “why don’t we try gardening in literally any other place? it’ll be easier than trying in the kindergarden…that dirt doesn’t care how green your thumb is.” 

The clousure of the metaphor is a message of hope: You just invested in one of the lands you could have never helped. That friend or partner that no matter how hard we tried, we could never get them out that hole. Peridot could have never heal Lapis single-handedly, Lapis had to actually want help first. Enabling her tendency to bury emotions was not going to help her. Without communication, without Lapis input and drive to get better, to deal with herself, Peridot could have folded herself in a million ways, and still would not have been able to safe her. 

I’m not saying Lapis is bad, I’m saying her relationship with Peridot wasn’t healthy for either of them. The narrative is saying break ups suck, but are sometimes inevitable. They are not foretelling your whole affective life, they’re not dooming you to loneliness, they’re just a painful but neccessary part of life, and maybe your green thumb did not work for that soil, but hey, it doesn’t mean is useless or broken, we should just garden somewhere else. 

Originally posted by stevenfaces

✰ * º ❛ even more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep.  ’
‘  omg here goes your lil crybaby ass.  ’
‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up.  ’
‘  don’t start buddy. don’t you dare.  ’
‘  gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right.  ’
‘  not to vent, but: fuck.  ’
‘  the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to.  ’
‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot.  ’
‘  sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful.  ’
‘  i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again.  ’
‘  shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed.  ’
‘  i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out.  ’
‘  i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle.  ’
‘  i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water.  ’
‘  i don’t have enough black clothes.  ’
‘  sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired.  ’
‘  i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me.  ’
‘  me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly.  ’
‘  i’m pb&j – petty, bitter, and jealous.  ’
‘  the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed.  ’
‘  i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired.  ’
‘  i always look sleep deprived. is that hot?  ’
‘  just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough.  ’
‘  my heart is a soft and sensitive mess.  ’
‘  all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities.  ’
‘  honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring.  ’
‘  hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection.  ’
‘  now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab.  ’
‘  i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old.  ’
‘  my new years resolution is to stop.  ’
‘  i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way.  ’
‘  i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened.  ’
‘  i know i’m cute, but you can remind me.  ’
‘  hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me????  ’
‘  i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever.  ’
‘  me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me.  ’
‘  girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor?  ’
‘  anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact.  ’
‘  today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss.  ’
‘  going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds.  ’
‘  everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed.  ’
‘  i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated.  ’
‘  hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes?  ’
‘  i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like  ’
‘  i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible.  ’
‘  remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED.  ’
‘  why did we just accept catdog?  ’
‘  my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong.  ’
‘  you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable.  ’
‘  i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything!  ’
‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.  ’
‘  honestly… us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin.  ’
‘  would an alien think i’m pretty?  ’
‘  i love boys, but only as a concept.  ’
‘  why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here????  ’
‘  i identify as an inconvenience to the world.  ’
‘  i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao  ’
‘  dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap.  ’
‘  i’m literally tired of myself.  ’
‘  don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol  ’
‘  what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword.  ’
‘  i highly recommend never having feelings.  ’
‘  self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens.  ’
‘  staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling  ’
‘  do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends?  ’
‘  um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me?  ’
‘  date a girl who fucks everything up.  ’
‘  not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost.  ’
‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing.  ’
‘  a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  you can start again anytime!  ’
‘  all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past.  ’
‘  i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much.  ’
‘  you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep?  ’
‘  i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway.  ’
‘  tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again.  ’
‘  first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down.  ’
‘  i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life.  ’
‘  i’m tired of things costing money.  ’
‘  don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh?  ’
‘  who cares? do better, move on.  ’
‘  i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income.  ’
‘  appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb.  ’
‘  thnks fr th mntl llnss.  ’
‘  what  hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive.  ’
‘  i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here.  ’
‘  binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant.  ’
‘  i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell.  ’
‘  this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes.  ’
‘  i’m alive, but only ironically.  ’
‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me.  ’
‘  do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo?  ’
‘  lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat.  ’
‘  my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’  ’
‘  i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer!  ’
‘  i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me?  ’
‘  you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly.  ’
‘  you son of a mumford!  ’
‘  hi, i’m here to ruin everything.  ’
‘  you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead.  ’
‘  the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him.  ’
‘  everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho   ’
‘  no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men.  ’
‘  i need $$$$$ not feelings.  ’
‘  ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again.  ’
‘  oops, i don’t care lol  ’
‘  why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth.  ’
‘  maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,  ’
‘  i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering.  ’
‘  concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content.  ’
‘  i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half.  ’
‘  pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars.  ’
‘  life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho.  ’
‘  i have a question for u: like are u done… like is it over?  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself.  ’
‘  whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong.  ’
‘  new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter.  ’

why lance (probably) won’t be the red paladin, and also why keith (probably) won’t be the black paladin

alright, so, chances are you’ve watched and rewatched the season three trailer multiple times. or, at least, i have. in it, we see lance in both the blue lion and the red lion, and we also see keith in the black lion. 

Keep reading

(long post, sorry)

In spite of everything I love Harley Quinn but, damn, writers treat her so badly. I swear, the temptation to make her actually stupid must be terrible because it’s so often implied, or explicitly stated, that she slept her way through school. First of all, it does not work like that.  Second, she’s not a therapist or a psychologist, she’s a psychiatrist, she’s a fricking MD and a damn young one too. Managing pre-med and collegiate gymnastics that she relied on to keep her scholarship? Harley is fucked up, but she’s not the dumb blonde she plays. (also stop making her stacked, she’s a gymnast. she is 4’11” of pure muscle and is not top heavy)

If you want a good Harley backstory it’s simple. She’s ADHD but medicated and slightly robotic because of it. I want to take special care not to demonize meds but, rather, people’s disapproval of neurodivergence and a lack of focus on what is best for a patient rather than what is most convenient for others. So, maybe, around ten years old Harley is a hyperactive space cadet who’s brilliant at tests but sloppy at coursework, who would be a gymnastics prodigy if she could actually focus on technique and put in practice time instead of fooling around. Then the meds come and it’s actually really cool because she can do the things she needs to do instead of just wanting to do them, doing something else entirely, and getting in trouble. People are proud of her, she’s proud of herself. But now there are expectations. Family and teachers and coaches overschedule her, find worth only in her success and don’t care about her mental health at all as long as she’s performing and castigate her when she does fail. Fuck if you don’t internalize that. But she doesn’t look unhealthy and she’s doing amazing. She actually has to choose between the Olympic trials and continuing her grad studies. She probably has some issues with self-harm but it either doesn’t look like self-harm or is well covered up. 

When Arkham accepts her, fresh from her residency, it’s not a mistake. The woman is amazing. All they can see is a mountain of achievements rather than the seething ball of nerves, self-loathing, and imposter syndrome boiling just under the surface. That’s when Joker comes in. He’s got the Hannibal Lecter shtick down. Where everyone else sees an intelligent driven young woman he sees a frightened overwhelmed girl who is working her hardest to convince the world she’s anyone other than herself. Sending her into a nervous breakdown would be too easy so he doesn’t even bother. Instead he’s open with her, almost friendly. The other doctors are amazed, Harley is amazed, she’s not done anything particularly revolutionary but, for the first time in forever, it looks like the clown prince of crime is showing progress. He unravels her and it’s a challenge, she flinches back and gets very serious when he comes too close to the real Harley under the professional. Still, soon she’s questioning everything. She doesn’t even really like her co-workers. She hasn’t had a real friend in years. She’s forgotten how to have fun. Did she ever want this to be her life or did she just do it for other people? It starts so slowly that it looks, at first, like she’s getting better at self-care. Maybe something totally silly one weekend, a trampoline park where she can enjoy the way her toned body moves without stressing out over landings, a face painting booth at a street fair, some garishly colored downright tacky decoration that clashes with her sensible apartment. Suddenly she realizes how much she hates knowing the difference between cream and ecru. The beigeness of her life is repulsive. She hates the person she’s pretending to be even more that she hates herself which is really saying something.

After her weekend of freedom she would have called in sick if it wasn’t so suddenly important to see him. The relief she feels at talking to one of Gotham’s most infamous supercriminals is disturbing but it is relief and she’s been swallowing a slow-motion panic attack for hours. She admits, though she shouldn’t, that she took his advice about doing something fun and he teases her, what would straight-laced Doctor Quinzel do for fun? Did she realphabetize her sock drawer or buy a new clipboard? It’s not important to impress him, it’s really not. He’s dangerous, cruel, and he looks so proud when she admits that she bought a lamp shaped like a lawn flamingo. The only mistake, he says, is that she should have stolen it. She hopes the wicked thrill it gives her doesn’t show on her face. It does. She almost even laughs. He likes it when he can make her laugh and she likes it when he likes things.

It’s wrong and unprofessional, the relationship she develops, and she knows it but her whole life she’s been so high strung. Nothing she’s done has been for her, she’s not sure she knows how to really do selfish things anymore, but he knows the selfish things she needs to do. It feels good when she follows his advice even when it’s small things like the rainbow striped socks she wears concealed under her very bland slacks and sensible shoes. She’s so happy, almost giddy, and he loves her happiness, he loves her, he loves the real her that she’s had to beat down and hide for so long, the her that even she isn’t able to love. She is able to love him, though, and since he loves her she’s able to love herself for him, to protect and nurture something so important to him.

When the choice comes between her old self, the tedious endless labor of making the world proud, and Him, the spectacular man that brought color into her life, it’s not even a question. She kills Doctor Harleen Quinzel, she throws away the version of her that let herself burn just for medals and hollow accolades. She embraces Harley Quinn and it’s so much a part of her nature she can’t even see that she’s still living her life for someone else’s approval, except this time that person is a murderous clown. She hasn’t let her hair down, she’s just put it in pigtails instead of a bun.

US Presidents As Dril Tweets
  • George Washington: another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it
  • John Adams: "ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.
  • Thomas Jefferson: Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record? A: I do not delete my posts
  • James Madison: (sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby
  • James Monroe: for decades i have traversed the unforgiving mountains and rivers of south america, hoping to catch a glimpse of the fabled "ass downloader"
  • John Quincy Adams: "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit
  • Andrew Jackson: handing Faves over to my enemies is FRAUD !! base, contemptible FRAUD!
  • Martin Van Buren: Food $200
  • Data $150
  • Rent $800
  • Candles $3,600
  • Utility $150
  • someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying
  • William Henry Harrison: (spends all of 7 seconds skimming some blog posts) yep. just as i knew all along. having pnuamonia is good
  • John Tyler: fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this
  • James K. Polk: thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom
  • Zachary Taylor: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers tell me that im dying
  • Millard Fillmore: trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you...
  • Franklin Pierce: blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin
  • James Buchanan: #NationalGirlfriendDay please cherish your gal's.. in honor of us, the single Boys who must sacrifice all companionship to #CarryTheBrand...
  • Abraham Lincoln: unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked"
  • Andrew Johnson: who the fuck is scraeming "LOG OFF" at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never log off
  • Ulysses S. Grant: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT
  • Rutherford B. Hayes: using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,
  • James A. Garfield: too much truth in such little time. feeling the heat cominh down to silence me... signing off........ for now
  • Chester A. Arthur: i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark
  • Grover Cleveland: the way i see it, people who come on here and submit content that is not up to par, could possibly be considered the "Villains" of this site
  • Benjamin Harrison: i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc
  • William McKinley: boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool's Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!
  • Theodore Roosevelt: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL
  • William H. Taft: ah.. the perfect Souffle! cant wait to dig in to t(*EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE EXPLODES AT THE SAME TIME, COVERING ME IN SHIT AND BOILING WATER*
  • Woodrow Wilson: the conflicted supersoldier stares over the horizon as he smokes a cigarette. "war is the most fucked up thing ever." he takes a sip of beer
  • Warren G. Harding: somebody please Bribe me
  • Calvin Coolidge: aggressively joyless oaf hhere. painfully obnoxious respect demander checkign in. extremely dim witted frowning man looking for pals
  • Herbert Hoover: it is really quite astonishing that I have yet to win The Lottery, given how good I am at selecting six numbers and saying them out loud
  • Franklin D. Roosevelt: ive never heard of this “europe” but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me
  • Harry Truman: everybody wants to be the guy to write the tweet that solves racism once and for all because it would look good as hell on a resume
  • Dwight D. Eisenhower: my "F*&k It!! Let's Go Golfin" t-shirt maintains a tenacious stranglehold on my life. after 1,125 days of Golf my body is twisted, deformed
  • John F. Kennedy: when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self
  • Lyndon B. Johnson: incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords"
  • Richard Nixon: i attribute the complete failure of my brand to the actions of detractors, oor my “trolls”, as it were, as well as my own constant fuckups
  • Gerald Ford: shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right
  • Jimmy Carter: i warnned you all that bad things would happen if you kept letting your wives wear jeans. AND NOW LOOK! the damn gas prices are up again
  • Ronald Reagan: spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn
  • George H.W. Bush: just thought off an idea i believe to be bad ass. lets find the address of the leader of isis, and mail him/ her pieces of our SHIT
  • Bill Clinton: were at the point now, that when i offer to impregnate my girl followers, people assume my motives are sexual. disgusting, grow the fuck up,
  • George W. Bush: friday night gathering up together a big pile of things i like to respect (flags, crucifixes ,etc) and just roll around in it ,give kisses,
  • Barack Obama: my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line
  • Donald Trump: no
MY JOHNLOCK FIC REC LIST
  1. Absolutely all of these fics have happy endings. I can’t read hardcore angst or I’ll die. I mean it. 
  2. If there are any other relationships in these fics then it’ll be minor but Johnlock is def front and center and endgame for all of them.
  3. I’ve avoided reccing the really famous Johnlock fics. I love them but all these fics need more love cause they’re all so amazing! 
  4. 99% of these fics are bottomlock but since I don’t care who bottoms or who tops (as long as they fuck and as long as they are in character) (that means no DFP Sherlock) (or Baby Princess John) so if you have a problem with toplock in general, tread carefully.
  5. All of these fics are from AO3. 
  6. Also please excuse my crappy summaries.
  7. Be sure to read all the tags before reading!


EXPLICIT 

  • The Dialogue of John and Sherlock Series by cwb - Sherlock decides that he and John are in a romantic relationship. John tries to educate Sherlock on what that actually means. (this is the cutest, Sherlock is literally hopeless)
  • The Bachelors’ Handfasting by jurgbury - 1800s Scotland where younger Sherlock and older John are in an arranged marriage. (John is so fucking hot in this I want to die)
  • Thirteen Dances (Or, The Doctor Dances) by Knackorcraft - John can dance!!!
  • Hellfire by testosterone_tea - Magical Realism! John is a Berserker (powerful fire monster thing that’s supposed to be extinct) and is believed to be a threat to the country and Mycroft wants him held captive so of course Mage Sherlock is like NO.
  • Bury the Bells by unknownsister - Parade’s End AU. 
  • The Kepler Problem by kinklock - Alienlock and space-explorer/worker/maintainer/something John! (all of Kinklock’s fics are awesome af really)
  • The High Tide Series by stardust_made - A rich arse of a bloke tries to woo a clueless John and Sherlock just about loses his mind I LOVE JEALOUS SHERLOCK (The first story is rated T but the other two are E so…) (my fave)
  • The Haunting of Sherlock Holmes by MapleleafCameo - Sherlock investigates a 60 year old disappearance in the countryside and gets a shock along the way. (Not angsty, don’t worry)
  • The Life that is Waiting For by Youameliakaleigh - Sherlock is the son of a Goddess (so basically a demigod) and John is his trusty guardian/teacher/person/Sun sentinel okay just read!
  • Neighbours by thelookyouredoingthelookagain - John moves into 22IC and Sherlock is very silly, as he always is. 
  • Irrational and Sentimental Series by apliddell - Post S3 lovely Johnlock sweetness.
  • Intimacy Series by sussexbound (SamanthaLenore) - Love confessions and then smut! (First story is T later story is E) 
  • Never Have I Ever by hudders-and-hiddles (huddersandhiddles) - The boys play Never Have I Ever with some of the Met and they get together cause John and Sherlock are so dumb that it takes alcohol and a truth game for them to realize that their feelings are REQUITED DAMN IT okay okay I’m sorry canon stresses me out.
  • First and Only by crimsonwinter - Babylock to Kidlock to Teenlock to Unilock, growing up with John. WIP
  • A Study in Movement by Supernova12 - Teen rugby John is working on an art project and needs to improve drawing movement so he draws teen ballet Sherlock. 
  • A Hard Day’s Night by 221Btls - John the Knight and Sherlock the peasant. WIP
  • To the Sticking Place by blueink3 - John and Sherlock as theatre actors, both acting as the main roles in a Hamlet production! WIP (I don’t know why this doesn’t get more love, this is the theatre version of Performance In A Leading Role!) (my fave) 
  • How Do You Know? by LaurieRoar - John having sex with Virgin Sherlock to see whether or not his claim that he doesn’t like sex is true. (my fave) (but I hardly ever see this recced) (super fucking hot)
  • Well Begun Is Half Done by Avice - Sherlock tryna seduce John but John’s like “Fuck that, let’s get down to it”. (Avice’s fics are severely underrated, they are all awesome)
  • Angel Hair Series by justacookieofacumberbatch (buffyholic) - Successful surgeon John and waiter Sherlock get it on wohoho. WIP
  • A Study in Sex Series by Castiel_For_King - John teaching Sherlock The Ways of Sex.
  • The City of Dreams Series by bittergreens - Lots of sex? Lol.
  • Spinning by Tispy-the-Minx (ComeAlongPond14) - Seventeen-year-old John is assigned to Sherlock’s care.
  • For you, there’s only me by shock_blanket - So much pining the boys are idiots I swear to God.
  • Six Degrees of Separation by testosterone_tea - Sherlock highkey wants to meet John but treats it all like a ridiculous experiment to stay cool, I could kill him, he’s so ridiculous. (testosterone_tea is awesome, their fics need more love)
  • Lovesick by distantstarlight - Sherlock getting sick and John taking care of him and also sex.
  • The Republic of Heaven by Blind_Author - His Dark Materials AU. WIP (okay so this is my fave out of all my faves but it hasn’t been updated in forever but I refuse to believe it’s been abandoned or else I’ll perish) (the fave)
  • Imaginary Pictures by crossroads - Teenlock falling in love with John. Loads of pining. (this needs more love)
  • In Care Of by quietasasleepingarmy -  John writes instructions for Sherlock’s ‘lover’ on how to care for him aka I hate them PLEASE DIE.
  • In A Changing Age by allonsys_girl -  Sherlock wakes up in the 19th century, with no idea how he got there aka I love them I’M GONNA DIE.
  • Pretending to Be by 221BJen (jcoz1701) - John is hired to track down Sherlock, who is an asset to The Centre, a secret agency.
  • The Wrong Wagon by DancingGrimm - Molly starts crushing on John instead of Sherlock when the doctor saved her life. Sherlock (aka the gay baby loser that I hate) notices and just about goes insane.
  • Angel With A Fiddle by Remy_Writes5 - Young soldier John meets violinist Sherlock at a carnival the day before he is to be deployed to Germany to serve in World War 1.
  • The Boffin and the Bachelor by starrysummernights - Uh… John and Sherlock getting together and there’s some fluff and some smut and a bit of angst? (Idk how to summarize this. Really good, though)
  • Fool For You by sheerrloockk - Poor clueless Sherlock proposes to John on April Fools’ Day by accident.
  • Operation Inked by QuinnAnderson - John has a tattoo and Sherlock makes it his mission to see it cause he dumb.
  • Discerning Tastes by Irrevocably_Sherlocked - Sherlock tries to get some good Scotch for Mycroft’s birthday but is faced with a hot, kilt-wearing John and practically loses all his genius because of it. (Irrevocably_Sherlocked’s fics need more attention cause they are the bombdotcom)
  • Lightning and Sea Glass by 221b_careful_what_you_wish_for - Frankenlock AU. (This is a bit angsty so watch out)
  • In Nomine by Atiki - Sherlock can only manage to say John’s name when they have sex. (Sherlock is too cute, I will perish)
  • See Recipe for Details by pandoras_chaos - John makes a list of things Sherlock likes to eat. (Reading this made me hungry. For food. Obvs)


MATURE

  • Tell it Like it is by testosterone_tea -  Sherlock and John go out to the pub with some of the officers from Scotland Yard and played some games while they’re at it. (This is fucking hilarious) 
  • The Semantics of Crop Circle Formation: a case study by Sherlock Holmes [unpublished] by canolacrush - John and Sherlock are investigating a weird extraterrestrial-like case but for once, John knows more about it than Sherlock does wink wink read it! (my fave) (this needs heaps more love wtf!!!)
  • My Life Had Stood A Loaded Gun by HeartOfTheMirror - Magical Realism! John is a Healer. (I hate Mycroft in this)
  • Aparecium by 1electricpirate - Potterlock! Sherlock is a Muggle but John isn’t. WIP
  • Enigma by khorazir - The Imitation Game-esque fic. WIP
  • Splatter Patterns by beezee - John is an artist and Sherlock is an art critic.
  • Apprehension by BashfulBunny (Aequoreavictoria) - John is hired to kidnap Sherlock but things go awry obvs. WIP
  • Captains of Industry series by 221b_hound - John is a hot barista and Sherlock is, of course, a fumbling mess. (This series is awesome, the whole gang is here, working close by.)
  • where the good things grow by anchors - Sherlock has a magic garden he uses to brew tea and John has a tea shop. (This fic is so sweettttt and deserves more love)
  • Down with this Ship by FrostedFlame (PinkOrchid) - Sherlock takes John to a gay bar expecting him to be uncomfortable but BAM John the Raging Bisexual comes out to play and shocks the fuck out of the detective.
  • The Thin Line by Odamaki - Sherlock and John in a super snug closet  and John gets a raging boner lolllllllll.
  • The Frost Child by twistedthicket1 - Everyone have gifts and John keeps his a secret but Sherlock finds out. (my fave)
  • Dawn Before the Rest of the World Series by PoppyAlexander - 1920s England, butler Sherlock and gardener John. (John is so romantic in this, I want to cry)
  • Dreamer by MagdaTheMagpie - After Afghanistan, John keeps dreaming about Sherlock dying and does everything he can to stop it. (my fave)
  • ROT-13 by berlynn_wohl -  John the spaceman crashes his pod in Sherlock the alien’s planet where he meets Sherlock and fuck it’s hilarious just read.
  • Don’t Underestimate John Watson by BakerTumblings - John is offered the role of Lester Nygaard in Fargo and basically never underestimate him, for reals.
  • Brother Mine by annabagnell - Parentlock and MPreg! Sherlock gives birth to a baby much to the impatience and delight of excited big sister Michaela (This is so sweet)
  • Care of Magical Creatures by stillaseeker - Some Potterlock domestic cuteness and hilarity. 
  • Ink and Honour Series by moonblossom - 1800s. Mrs. Hudson takes in young Captain John Watson who was injured in the Napoleonic wars alongside her young ward Sherlock. (first story is M but the ratings after that are all over the place so read tags) 


TEEN AND UP AUDIENCES 

  • Love or What You Will by miss_frankenstein - John is an English professor and Sherlock is a PhD student assigned to be his TA. (I just… I love this one so much… I will die) (my fave) (this fic introduced me to my favourite poem, Sylvia Plath’s Mad Girl’s Love Song)
  • Bookshop Series by alivingfire - John meets Sherlock at a bookshop.
  • The Master of Latham Hall by Kryptaria - John and Sherlock investigates murders at Latham Hall and is in for a bit of a shock. (A bit of angst but not in regards to John and Sherlock) (I love you. I will always love you. God, I die every time)
  • A Haunted House series by cassyl - Major Character Deaths but not angsty. (Can’t say anything more cause spoilers but seriously, don’t worry, just read)
  • Once Upon a Beast Becoming by antietamfalls - Sherlock is an ancient being cursed by a Druid and John is the only person who can rid him of it. (loveeeeeeeee)
  • between each beat are words unsaid by darcylindbergh, hudders-and-hiddles (huddersandhiddles) -  On their wedding night, John and Sherlock gift each other with a collection of writings they wrote about the other. (Sweet af)  
  • Deleted Files Series by oh_my_stars_and_sky - Every time Sherlock deletes something from his Mind Palace it shows up in John’s mind. WIP
  • Four Shots Series by Opy3332 - John works at a Starbucks at SIS Headquarters and meets Sherlock.
  • Quality of Life Series by cleflink - John has great healing powers! WIP
  • Truth or Consequences Series by Majela - John gives Sherlock a taste of his own medicine in regards to drugging people without their consent.
  • Witness Protection by missilemuse -  John used to be Jim’s fiance but he finds out about him being super evil and all and testifies against him. He meets Sherlock and ya know: lurve. (my fave)
  • The Red Dianthus by kinklock -  The boys investigate a mysterious disappearance in a supposedly haunted house, and get much more than they bargained for.  
  • Watch What They Photograph Series by Itsallfine - “If you want to learn what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph.” (First two stories are rated T the last is E)
  • A Different Kind of Complication by Atisenia - John, living alone in 221B, started getting letters addressed to Sherlock.
  • Without a Doubt by prettysailorsoldier - 1950s Teenlock.
  • The Strait of Juan de Fuca by mightypog - Post Reichenbach. John is distant from Sherlock even though he has forgiven him and Sherlock tries hard to fix their friendship.
  • Turbulence in the Sky by esplanade - Sherlock wants to tell John how he feels about him but he keeps spouting bullshit instead oh my poor child…
  • Affectionate Investment by MillieTheFreak - Sherlock and John feeding each other like it’s the most natural thing in the world I LOVE THEM
  • What Would Sherlock Do? Series by EinahSirro - John uses his deductive powers to find out if Sherlock reciprocates his romantic feelings and to seduce him! 


GENERAL AUDIENCES

  • The Contingency Plan by mightypog -  When Sally and Greg prevent Sherlock from committing suicide when he thinks John has been killed, Sherlock and Sally reconsider each other. (bit of angst, nothing heavy) (this is so real like this is exactly how canon Sherlock will react if anything happens to John) (my fave)
  • Evidence by JezebelGoldstone - Angry papa Lestrade comes bounding up to 221B demanding the return of all the evidence Sherlock stole so the detective tells the DI about some of the evidence so he’ll let him keep it. (Sherlock is amazingly sentimental in this, I love him)
  • And as the seasons change, I love you more by Teatrolley -  A year in the lives of John and Sherlock, essentially. (I will bawl my eyes out, this is so… just so! So much) (This isn’t rated so I’ll just put it under here) 


If I’ve mentioned your fic here and you want me to credit you or add a link to your Tumblr or anything like that, let me know! 

I’ll be updating this post regularly as more great fics will inevitably come along. And I’ll always be happy to rec specific fics to anyone and everyone! Just ask. I read Johnlock fanfic 24/7 every single day so might as well utilize it somehow. 

i just want to talk about some of the bullshit that makes this post so great:

  • exactly 5 tags (the max number that the post will show up in searches for)
  • one of which is #incident
  • Here’s a thing that happened to one of my friends. I was there.” i could say so much about just this two sentences but i feel its better just presented without comment
  • the perfect spelling & punctuation that actually makes it read as less well written
  • every sentence ends in a period and there’s no profanity in this anecdote about getting beaten up who did op expect to fool with this
  • feeling the need to specify that their conversation was meaningless
  • op is such a better fighter than their friend
  • but I managed to avoid brutalization by going for their faces.
  • the nonchalant tone of the entire thing really
  • just the idea of people driving around a bus in “Down with Cis” shirts and assaulting random bystanders
  • the fucking hypocrisy and gall of a cis person writing something like this about trans people
  • and then it doesnt even end really the post just stops abruptly
  • i just read op’s about page and its exactly what you’d expect
The Types and Drinking Water

ENFP: Drinks from the toilet. It wasn’t even a dare or anything; they just wanted to know what it tasted like.

ENTP: “h20? More like h2-YO! Hahaha drink your water kids.”

INFP: Misses their entire mouth. Their over-sized sweater is utterly soaked, almost as if their nipples are tiny water falls. Shocked at this sudden development, they drop the glass and it shatters, covering the kitchen floor. Trying to tiptoe to safety, they carelessly slip on the water and onto the broken glass, nearly bleeding to death. As soon as they get discharged from the hospital they’re applying for an infomercial.

ESFP: Sticks their face right under the tap and desperately laps up the water like some kind of deranged and unsettlingly large house cat.

INTJ: * sips water* “ Disgusting. Tastes like licking a car. And you know why? The water we drink contains small traces of iron, zinc, copper, manganese and other metals. And you know who’s fault that is? Our inCOMPETENT GOVERNMENT.  THEY NEED TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND GET THEIR SH** TOGETHER. THEY’VE BEEN LYING TO US AS A NATION FROM THE BEGINNING OF TIME AND IT’S TIME FOR A CHANGE. 

See more of my conspiracy theories on my tumblr blog @anti-feminism-pro-atheism ( the one with red and black theme and the Rainbow Dash icon).”

ISFJ: Has been refusing offers of a glass of water from their friend’s parent for 10 hours now and they’re really reaching their limit. Will probably resolve to drinking their pee Bear Grylls style.

ESTP: Kicks off the faucet, throws it through the window, screams, and lets the broken faucet drench them all the way from their flat peak cap to their $400 basketball shoes, their perfect abs showing through their wet t-shirt. Uploads it to vine.

INTP: * aggressively sips water through a Krazy Straw* SUCC  ( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ) 

ENFJ: *Makes it into Fit Tea™* “ This flattened my stomach, cleared my skin, watered my crops, improved my grades, brought Shakespeare back from the dead, got my parents back together, stopped war, solved poverty, and it tastes like Shrek in drink form GREAT. A discount code is in the description, guys! :D.”

ENTJ: Drinks the tears of all those ignorant fools they destroyed in the Spelling Bee last week. 

ISTP: They’re probably chained to a pillar in some empty warehouse as a result of a drug scandal. The only sustenance they receive is a mug of muddy water brought to them by a man in an anonymous mask twice a day. Free them.

INFJ: “Is this vegan?”

ISFP: Drinks the morning dew off the tulips and honeysuckle. It may sound whimsical in theory, but in reality seeing grown adult desperately licking wet grass and flowers in the town park is a rather unsettling experience. 

ESFJ: “Umm, tap water? No thanks. I only drink from my $20000 ultra healing magical energy quinoa infused crystals water filter I got off an infomercial thank you very much. The lady in the commercial says tap water gives you cancer and I trust her judgement. I even have her book, “ “vaccine” and “autisms” both haave six letter. Coinsidance? I think noot.”, wanna borrow it?”       

ISTJ: * Harry Potter Puppet Pals Snape voice* Today I drank some water for my breakfast. It was flavourless and watery. I thought of my mother. I cried.

ESTJ: Has one of those drink bottles with times written at different levels on the side to show you how much water you should be drinking throughout the day. It gives them a feeling of superiority knowing that their life is slightly more organised than everyone else.

There’s a lot to say about Jingo, and I wish I was in the right headspace to really write coherently, but I’ve been sitting here with this text post open for about half an hour trying different sentences and finding that none of them quite fit what I’m feeling.

There’s a lot of anger in this book. It’s hard to notice, sometimes, because it’s also an incredibly funny and ridiculous book. There are a lot of jokes! But some of those jokes come to a sharp and unexpected point. That scene with Detritus and the Riot Act is hilarious; it’s got Vimes at his most dry and sarcastic and it’s got Detritus methodically picking up a man and using him to hit a bunch of other men. But it’s also got that sharp moment when one of the men claims that Klatchians have killed people, and Vimes asks “who?” and the man falters and says “…everyone knows they’ve been killing people!” and that’s such a familiar sounding phrase that it pulls you up short.

And any conversation between Fred Colon and Nobby is going to be hilarious, and there is nothing funnier than watching Nobby quietly make a fool of Fred’s casual ignorant racism. He doesn’t even have to try hard! But then: “You know we’re better’n Klatchians. Otherwise what’s the point?

There’s so much of that in this book. Little moments, that betray the frustration and anger behind the entire plotline. When I first read it, I was thirteen, and didn’t notice most of it. But I distinctly remember reading for the first time that scene between Carrot and Goriff:

“We can tell which way the wind is blowing,” said Goriff calmly.
Carrot sniffed the salt air. “It’s blowing from Klatch,” he said.
“For you, perhaps,” said Goriff. 

I’ve never forgotten that. That was how I remembered Jingo after reading the entire series and going back again. There are others that hit me harder now (the “they are us” passage in particular) but this was the scene that telegraphed perfectly to me the bitterness and frustration in this conflict, in watching it, in living it.

And then Jingo gives us what we all want so badly, the whole time, watching this play out. Vimes puts his foot down. He charges in. He arrests the leaders of the opposing nations. He arrests the armies. He stops it, he ends it. And there’s still frustration, there has to be, there’s no way everything can get better overnight. But he saw how stupid the whole thing was and he made it stop. There’s anger in that, too, because it’s what the angry part of us watching the conflict wants to have happen. We want to arrest the armies. We want to arrest Lord Rust and Prince Cadram and everybody like them. We want to end it, and we get to do that alongside Vimes. If only we didn’t have to put the book down afterwards.

I need to make some space for my own anger at the end of this tirade here. Reading the tags on some of these posts, a huge number of them echo the same core sentiment: “relevant.” And it is. It’s so relevant. And I’m so angry. Because it shouldn’t be. We shouldn’t still be here, watching the pebbles bounce. We shouldn’t feel an aching familiarity in the words of a bigot declaring that “everyone knows” something completely made-up, or in a family leaving their home because the people around them are claiming it doesn’t belong to them. Why are we still here. Why is this still happening. Why is this still relevant.

I’m extremely glad to have this book, as an excellent story and excellent social commentary, to be relevant in this time. But I still wish that it wasn’t.

some of my favourite bits/random thoughts from beauty and the beast (2017)

(Warning: spoilers ahead) (this is long and goes through the entire movie cause i need to talk about it alright

  • the pretentiousness of the prince at the beginning and his face when he handles the rose - amazing face by dan stevens might i add 
  • how the entire castle kinda looks like a rose and when it crumbles whenever the petals fall - that shit was wild man 
  • that the town was actually diverse??? amazing and beautiful
  • WHEN BELLE IS READING AND SHE’S SURROUNDED BY FLOWERS/ROSES 
  • “she hasn’t made a fool of herself to gain my favour. What would you call that?” “Dignity” (same)
  • ALL THE ROSE MOTIFS HOLY FUCK OKAY 
  • that mother fucking groan in ‘belle (reprise)’ that every woman can relate to
  • HOW DOES THIS ENTIRE FAMILY TRUST THE INSTINCTS OF A HORSE AND TALK TO IT LIKE IT UNDERSTANDS EVERY FUCKING WORD? AMAZING AND MIND BLOWING 
  • when cadenza had that ‘oh shit’ moment 
  • maurice trying to act all chill before freaking the fuck out 
  • lets be real - every moment between lumiere and cogsworth
  • “Who are you?” “Who are you?” - same adam 
  • why doesn’t this castle have any railings? like, i understand its a dungeon or whatever….but like,,,safety people???
  • “or as i like to call it, the only wing” nice save lumiere 
  • table dancing in gaston….so many feelings for it 
  • “You can’t judge people by who their father is, now can you?” YASSSS GIVE ME BACKSTORY I LOVE THIS SHIT
  • the fact that adam/the beast struggles with having a normal conversation cause he’s an idiot who hasn’t interacted with people properly in yearssssssss
  • the fact that mrs potts is okay with belle leaving. she’s so sweet and i loved her in this
  • WHY DIDN’T LUMIERE LET BELLE EAT AT ALL DURING ‘BE OUR GUEST’? FUCKING RUDE
  • also, the amount of extra lumiere was in this scene? amazing 
  • does the beast sleep in a nest or a bed? like….i have a lot of feelings about this okay
  • (dan stevens knocks me out every time he talks in this movie okay. SO MUCH EMOTION)
  • the fact that the castle has a doggy door????
  • The way that the beast fainted, was like…..so very human and i love it okay
  • do you think agatha was fucking tired of waiting for a girl to come around or do you think it’s destiny that led her there - too many rose motifs have forced me into these thoughts
  • how nuts is gaston tho??? like the fuck is up with him really??
  • DAYS IN THE SUN THO - LIKE….LITTLE PRINCE DIDN’T REALLY GET TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIS MUM. I WANNA DIE 
  • “My favourite is romeo and juliet” *beast eyerolls for days* (like same dude)
  • BELLE’S REACTION TO SEEING THE LIBRARY - LETS BE REAL, SAME
  • (also, highly sure the library scene is where beast realises he likes belle) 
  • the beast imitating the horse; beautiful and adorable 
  • snowball scene
  • THE BEAST UNABLE TO HOLD ALL THE BOOKS. AMAZING
  • BEAST TRYING TO PLAY THAT HE ISN’T READING A ROMANCE - DORK 
  • “What do you say we run away?” - YAS BITCH YASSSSSS
  • “too touristy?” - i love him 
  • “LET’S GO HOME” AND FUCKING BEAST’S FACE, SO TENDER AND SOFT I WANT TO CRY
  •  the water from the bath splashing on lumiere….brilliant
  • THE BEAST WEARING MAKE UP I’M CRYING
  • the dress was beautiful and i will fight everyone who says it isn’t great 
  • THE PART OF THE DANCE WHERE THE BEAST DIPS BELLE AND THEN HAS HER UP ON HIS HIP IN LIKE ONE MOVE - FUCKING BRO, HE IS AMAZING
  • AND BELLE’S FACE THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE THING - SHE’S IN LOVE WITH HIM THE MOST IN THAT DANCE 
  • THE BEAST ASKING HER IF SHE COULD BE HAPPY THERE, THAT SHE MAY ACTUALLY FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND THERE’S ME CRYING IN THE CORNER 
  • The bit where the beast sees belle run away, that sharp exhale of like shock and sadness 
  • in evermore where the beast closes his eyes to go with the line “i close my eyes and she’s still there’ - LIKE, THAT ACTUAL HEAD SHAKE OF HIM REALISING HOW IN LOVE WITH HER HE IS. FUCKING RUIN ME
  • HE WAITED IN THE SAME SPOT HE LAST SAW HER. HE WOULD HAVE WAITED THERE FOREVER 
  • THE WAY THE BEAST’S VOICE IS SO DESPERATE AND SURPRISED TO SEE BELLE AGAIN AND HE IS SO HAPPY TO SEE HER 
  •  “I am not a beast” - YAS BITCH, YOU TELL HIM 
  • also…..adam fucking jumped across the castle to get to belle….goals 
  • the beast was shot 3 times in the back….i mean….tough as shit he is 
  • He just wanted her there, to say goodbye and he’s in love with her and i’m dead inside 
  • HE DIED WITH HIS EYES OPEN, FUCKIG MORBID 
  • when all the servants transformed….i cried 
  • i love dan stevens so i will defend his ridiculous hair until i die 
  • plus that kiss was gold and i loved it 
  • (tho i do wish he had said something to her in that moment, just something) 
  • i loved lumiere and plumette - so cute (but also it should have been lumiere and cogsworth)
  •  that final dance tho….amazing 
  • the growl
  • i’m done. i am dead inside because of this fucking movie i swear to g 

anonymous asked:

do you have any hcs about how andrew and neil come out and how does the public react and stuff??

Do I ever!!! Okay, so this is probably gonna be a shortened version of my idea that I have thought about way too often, way too much. But maybe I’ll get super out of hand with it. Who knows?

  • Kevin Day is getting bad publicity and the media is dragging him for something
  • (Maybe a drunken incident and his drinking problem? Idk exactly… This isn’t really the important part, it’s just set-up)
  • So, anyways, exy’s golden boy is getting a lot of negative media attention
  • Neil feels bad and wants to help shift some of the focus off of Kevin
  • Especially after Kevin told Wymack he was his father for Neil when Neil needed attention shifted off of him
  • Neil talks about this with Andrew, trying to figure out what he’s gonna do to distract from Kevin as much as possible
  • He’s not at all expecting Andrew to make suggestions or want to get involved
  • He’s just thinking out loud and maybe seeing if Andrew wants to shoot down any ideas as the worst that he should definitely not do
  • But Andrew likes being needed by the monsters and Kevin is his baby bird to look after
  • And he doesn’t really give a shit if people know he’s with Neil
  • Like his life isn’t their fucking business, but he can handle people knowing and it’s not like it’d be the worst thing the media’s broadcast about him
  • So, he pitches the idea as casually as if he were suggesting they order pizza later

Keep reading

Writing Prompts - things my friends and I have actually said

1.       “Oh wow, I’m really gay.”

2.       “You are beneath me, SQUID!”

3.       “I’m really glad I’ve never had an anxiety disorder.”

4.       “Shut the hell up! I have depression!”

5.       “Wow, I’m glad [name] is asleep, otherwise they’d be really upset right now.”

6.       “You’re gay!? Woah! I never would have guessed.”

7.       “We’re going out to dinner. Have fun masturbating.”

8.       “I’m too ace for this shit.”

9.       “You know you don’t actually live there, [name].”

10.   “He’s lecturing! SCREAM!”

11.   “All hail Florence Nightingale, our lord and savior – hallowed be her name.”

12.   “To invoke her name, thou must wash thy tiny hands before the final”

13.   “Freud is bullshit and our theories are all obviously named.”

14.   “We were waiting on [name]’s Splatoon-loving ass.”

15.   “A plate! A plate! My kingdom for a plate!”

16.   “I’m at Cook Out because I make bad life decisions but whatever.”

17.   “Come to the kitchen in the next 30 minutes if you want an ass kicking and by an ass kicking I mean brownies and/or ice cream.”

18.   “He has been talking about the Grateful Dead and their literal religion for, like, an hour and a half.”

19.   “I need your soul. And by your soul, I mean I need to see you to give you a key.”

20.   “You should lure [enemy] into my den of iniquity so we can start reprogramming him.”

21.   “How many condoms is it safe for me to eat?”

22.   “Answer me, you fool!”

23.   “The fact that I’m the responsible one here is hysterical.”

24.   “What would I need to do to get you to curse someone?”

25.   “I saw [enemy]. His hair isn’t ugly, but it was so much better before. What a fool.”

How You Interact: Dark-Side Friends

Since you guys liked my last “How you interact” post, I feel like I should make another. I wanted to do one for Antisepticeye and Darkiplier since I very rarely see posts for these awesome characters. 
These head-canons are what I think Dark and Anti would be like as a friend. 
Hope you guys enjoy!!

Originally posted by boopymooplier

Anti: 

  • My God, you’ll never live peacefully again! Not that it’s a bad thing, but Anti loves to mess with you. 
  • Small pranks that involve misplaced objects. Bookmarks placed three pages back. Occasionally he’ll make your phone screen all static-y just because you’re ignoring him. 
  • He likes making your mornings just that little more crazy
    Late for work? It appears your car-keys have disappeared
    Rough night out? He’ll be nice and make you a coffee, with two spoonfuls of salt to make sure you get your sodium intake today. 
  • Anti finds your panicked/angry rants amusing. 
  • But you get him back. He doesn’t like being called by cute nicknames. 
  • “Aww, Green-Bean, don’t be so mean. I’m only trying to help” 
    “I will destroy everything you love, (Y/N)”
  • Anti likes to be the center of attention. If you’re working or studying, Anti will try his best to distract you.
    At first, it’ll be small things. Like calling out your name in a whiny, jittering voice, balls of paper being thrown at you. Sometimes he’ll mess with your sense of perception so you have to acknowledge him to tell him off.
  • You simply try to ignore him. It became a game between the two of you to see how long you can last. 
  • The record was ten minutes; but you had to stop since Anti started messing with your electronics. Flickering the lights and making you see double of everything and a loud buzzing sound almost burst your ear-drums. 
  • It gave you a migraine for the rest of the day.
  • Although Anti isn’t the affectionate type; he does small things that brighten your day. 
  • A single flower will appear on your desk. 
  • A batch of cookies with milk. 
  • Even little notes around the house in green writing.
  • When you ask him about it, he just shrugs. 
  • “Maybe a little ghost is playing tricks on you”
  • He’ll try to distract you with video games. You absolutely refuse to let him win at Mario Cart because you don’t want to see his cocky grin. 
  • Competitions between you are dangerous.
  • Lamps are smashed and the walls shake from you two yelling at each other. It’s surprisingly relaxing to come home and yell at something.
  • On really bad days, Anti will appear and disappear on your computer screen. Flashing a smile and making weird faces at you until you give up and allow yourself to laugh. 
  • “Anti, your blocking the screen” 
  • “P-Play with me, (Y/N). I’m bor-r-ed” 
  • On rainy days, when your marathoning a series, Anti will be in the background of the show; waving or dancing ridiculously. 
  • At serious scenes; he can usually be seen making outrageous faces at the actors. You can’t help but laugh,
  • Although you try to hate him, you can’t help but adore Anti. It’s a tiring and irritating friendship but you wouldn’t want anything to be different between the two of you.  

Originally posted by bekadmfb

Darkiplier: 

  • I hope you like a friendship with a lot of flirting. Even though you two aren’t sexual towards each other, it doesn’t stop Dark from winking and speaking seductively towards you.
  • This makes people mistake you two as a couple. You don’t really complain, but sometimes Dark makes it difficult to make new friends. 
  • “You don’t need them, (Y/N). I’m all you need”
    “That would be true, if you could hold a decent conversation that wasn’t always about you” 
  • Dark likes to insult you. But you can see the hint of a smile whenever he says something. 
  • You throw it back at him with as much sarcasm as you can muster. He likes your sass. It challenges him to be on his game when he’s around you. 
  • You’ve witnessed his outbursts personally. But even though Dark has said some violent, horrible things about Mark; Dark is rather placid when you’re around him. 
  • He’s been pushed back and ignored for long periods of time, he likes to be around someone who acknowledges him. He doesn’t want his anger to frighten you away, but sometimes you do get caught in these outbursts. 
  • You wait patiently until he’s calmed down. Then make a little comment on the way his head jerks around. 
  • “So, do you get whiplash? Or are you like an owl under that suit?” 
    “Ask nicely and I’ll show you.”
  • Although he wouldn’t apologize, he is grateful you don’t ask about his behavior. Saves him from having to explain himself to a incompetent fool. ;) 
  • He also likes to play games. Sometimes you don’t even realise you’re part of one until you find yourself in another dimension because you took a wrong turn. 
  • “Tsk, tsk. You should have taken a left, (Y/N). Now you have to try and escape the Third Circle of Hell to return to the bathroom.”
    “If you don’t send me back right now, I’ll show you all Nine Circles of Hell!” 
  • He’s rather affectionate towards you. He’ll give your hand a squeeze as he passes.
    If you’re feeling uncomfortable in a public place, Dark will come up behind you and place his hand on the small of your back.
  • But previous mistakes have taught you that this attention has a price. 
  • He’d never ask anything big of you. Usually he’ll ask you to drive him somewhere, or accompany him to a certain location. Sometimes you “treat” him to dinner on Tuesdays.
  • But you are still very careful of what you ask of Dark. He remembers even the smallest favors. 
  • There are times, however, where he does nice things out of nowhere. 
  • You had a bad day during a work-week and you crumpled under the pressure. Dark found you in a sobbing heap on your bed and sat beside you. His hand gripped your own and he consoled you through the tears. 
  • Once your tears were dried up, he ran you a bath and almost drowned you in rose scented bubbles. 
  • It had been a shock to you. But a nice shock.
  • In the middle of the night, while you’re walking through the house to get a glass of water. You sometimes find a glass of cool water waiting for you in the hallway. 
  • You mumble a thanks to the shadows and stumble back to bed. 
  • Sometimes you feel the blankets pull up under your chin on cold nights. 
  • Other times, Dark will wake you in the early hours of the morning because he was lacking intelligent conversation.
  • Dark also likes to give you nicknames. 
  • They’re small and almost demeaning, but you don’t really mind. It’s better than fool or imbecile. (A name a certain family member is called frequently)
  • “Kitten, have you seen my tie?”
    “You’re wearing it, Dark. Are you blind as well as emotionless?” 
  • It’s a weird friendship. One people would first look at and question. But the two of you have many fond memories and the laughter you two share are contagious. It’ll be hard to tear the two of you apart. 


I hope you guys enjoyed this!

Regarding Dean

Characters:  Dean, Reader, Sam

Summary:  Sam calls reader to babysit Dean after he’s cursed by a witch.

Warnings:  Angst-ish

Word Count:  1776

Tags are at the bottom.  As always, feedback is welcomed and appreciated.

Regarding Dean

The screen lights up on your phone, Sam Winchester’s name flashing on the screen.This can’t be good, otherwise Sam would never, ever call you. Not after everything that happened. Should you answer? You don’t really want to dredge all that shit up. But if he’s calling, it’s important. You’re thumb hovers over the green button. It’s on the third ring before you decide to answer.  

“Hello?”

“(Y/N)? It’s me, Sam. Please, don’t hang up, just hear me out.”

“I’m listening.”

“Thank…thank you. Listen, I wouldn’t be calling if I didn’t need help, you know that I wouldn’t. But I need you.”

———–

You can’t figure out how Sam knows you’re in the area. You haven’t had contact with Dean or Sam for over year. Is he still keeping tabs on you through the hunter network?  It’s touching in a way, you’ve always had a soft spot for Sammy. Truth is, you miss him.

Why the fuck are you driving to the motel right now? Why would you willingly put yourself in this position? Must be temporary insanity. It’s the only logical explanation. Maybe you should drive straight to the psych ward and check yourself in after this is over.

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anonymous asked:

Hey it's the Disney anon! Yeah I meant sort of live action BATB cause I love the Bucky fic you did😊 So if it's something you'd be happy to write for can I request a reader x gaston fic where they grew up together and she is in love with him but is convinced it isn't mutual & that he deserves better so doesn't tell him. Another guy asks her out & she accepts cause she thinks she should move on if gaston will never love her. But Gaston actually gets super jealous/possessive. Hope it's ok thanks❤

Pairing: Gaston x Reader
Fandom: Disney ; Beauty and the Beast (2017)
Warnings: /

A/N: asdfghjkl, I’m so glad you send me this request, I literally grinned so hard when I got it! I don’t normally post two things a day, but I literally had the easiest time writing this. This prompt gave me so much inspiration that I just typed it in one go and I’m actually quite happy with how it turned out. I hope you like it as well and if you have any other gaston x reader request please send them my way. I LOVE writing for him and the reader. (added Gaston to my fandoms list)

                                                           *****

“You’re staring again,” LeFou, who had seemingly snuck up on you, whispered.

You blinked a few times to break the spell you were under before and turned around, wanting to convince him that, no, you weren’t staring at Gaston like a fool in love. 

But the look he threw you was enough to know that it wouldn’t work on him.

“It’s not like I don’t understand. And I’m certainly not the one to judge you,” he winked at you and you had to laugh a little. “But what I don’t understand is why you don’t tell him. You’ve known each other for so long..”

“Oh LeFou. If only it were so easy. Look at him..-” he was currently chasing Belle again. “He doesn’t feel the same and I doubt he ever will. He needs a woman who cooks for him and plays the good wife. You and me both know that I’m not that kind of woman.”

“Neither is Belle! Which is why he fancies her! So what makes you different?”

“I’m a huntress, LeFou. Belle and me are completely the opposite of each other. If she’s his type then I’m most certainly not.”

“She’s beautiful. That’s why she’s his type. And do I need to remind you of your beauty?”

You sighed and turned around to face your friend, smiling a little, then hugging him.

In the meantime, Gaston gave up for today in chasing Belle and approached the two of you.

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