i feel like I'm an English teacher


So I’ve just finished my high school internship and I’m really satisfied with me and fascinated by my 16 years old students. They’re so great and nice I can’t *__* 

Today, the last day, I handed them an anonymous questionnaire about how they feel about the days I’ve been with them, the way I teach, if I treat them well, etc. And some of them told me things like:

“The teacher is charming and nice, I’ve loved the way he used, not only the notes and the book, but also videos, images, etc. Every student wants a teacher as friendly and funny as you! We will miss you.” (And then I die of añdjfakjfsadfness and I cry because I’m saying goodbye to them this week. And I can say it sounds even better in Spanish). 

I liked the way she starts talking about ‘he’ and then she changes and says ‘you’ *__* 

I kind of want to major in English because soooooo many of the courses look super interesting and I fucking love books I love books and stories so much but I don’t want to be a teacher I DON’T. And really nothing that English majors go into (teaching aside) sounds enjoyable to me except for writing novels and to be successful in that…I mean…what are the odds? I can barely write anything lately anyway because I’ve been too anxious to focus enough to cover a whole page with words that make sense.

In eighth grade, my English teacher assigned us the prompt, “Is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all?”
Back then, I wrote that it was better to have loved and lost, because then at least you would have happy memories to keep you going.
But knowing what I know now, I’m not so sure. Because those memories, the feeling of lost love, they’re like poison. A total takeover of your life.
I miss him.