i fangirled when she tweeted this because i'm weird like that

Cards Against Humanity Banter (Number I Forget)
  • So my laptop decided to be a little bitch while in the middle of the original and completely deleted it...so I've restarted! Enjoy! Feel free to reblog with some of your favorites from the latest Cards Against Humanity video that I might have missed!
  • "VikkStarInMyPussy123" is worse than Adolf Hitler because "stop talking with your gay mouth you fuck."
  • "Getting your dick stuck in a child and not being able to get it out in time. I'm looking at you Vikk." is worse than Adolf Hitler because "*card removed due to copyright from the cunt duo TheFineBros*"
  • Ethan: Josh has got dick on the brain.
  • Josh: You got dick in your mouth.
  • Ethan: No I don't. I got facecam on Josh I don't.
  • Simon: Thanks for clearing that up.
  • Ethan: Where is the behzfinger? Is this something you made up while-
  • Josh: It's on your hand!
  • "Ethan, channeling his anger by making a sexhole in his desk."
  • Ethan: I don't have sexholes in my desk.
  • JJ: Lies! Lies!
  • Simon: They're called girlfriends.
  • Vikk: If you're six and watching this click off.
  • Josh: What? Hey, come to my channel! We don't have pedophiles over here!
  • After Josh rang the 'Ring for sex' bell, Fangirls tried-
  • "British cunt."
  • "Go monkey man!" -FIFAMonstah
  • Why Josh won't release illuminate-
  • "Josh deep throating a fangirl when she has been a bad girl."
  • "Josh has millions of daughters trying to caress his pussy juice beard."
  • JJ: The thing is, you know Josh has had pussy on his beard, and it just lingered. That's why he showers all the time.
  • Simon: No, that's 'cuz he has hygeine. You should try it sometime.
  • The __ are back.
  • Simon: Mine makes sense.
  • JJ: I swear if it's niggers.
  • "Fangirls shouting "YOU DA MAN DADDY" when meeting Josh."
  • Simon woke up to find-
  • Ethan: I'm so sorry Vik.
  • "Vikk, changing his name from Vikkstar123 to Vikk1-9 because he only likes 1-9 year olds."
  • "JJ's big black dick as opposed to Tobi's successful youtube career."
  • JJ: What do you think we do when we're sleeping?
  • Simon: Sleep?
  • JJ: Naw, you gotta put your dick in something.
  • Ethan: You put it in your pillow!
  • JJ: Naw, I'm past that stage man. What you guys never fucked your pillow?
  • Collectively: No!
  • JJ: Fuck you guys you've never lived.
  • "KSI naming his girlfirend Melony coz melon."
  • "Vikk going to a playground and going down a slide hoping to end up in Madeleine McCann's DM's"
  • Hi, my name is-
  • "WroeToNotRecording"
  • "Creepy Uncle Zerkaa"
  • "Calcuntface"
  • "KSI"
  • "JJ's EP - Sweep Up"
  • Bitch you got me "That's not me."
  • "Thquirrel, Roth Royth, and ahh...annn...annthrop....anthrop...thropolo....Fuck it you're not picking this card."
  • "JJ moving out of the house just live next door to Seana."
  • JJ: "Simon likes AJ3Scouser." Who the fuck is that?
  • "JJ thinking his fashion sense is sick, but actually looking like a bed sheet."
  • "Vik naming his child MySon456."
  • How does one become a member of the Sidemen? "You don't do them ting round here rudeboy."
  • "Negasonic Teenage Warhead"
  • "Vikk's pedophilic thoughts"
  • JJ: Why don't you stop mollesting kids?
  • Vik: No, yeah, sure, yeah, sounds great.
  • Ethan: Some things are hard to give up JJ. Bad habits never die.
  • Simon: Ethan, Lent's coming up soon.
  • Ethan: Oh, I've got to give up being gay?
  • Simon: No, not you.
  • Josh let JJ do __ to his beard.
  • "Dhinchak dhin dhinchak dhinchak"
  • "Another one"
  • "The many group chats dedicated to go to an event that the Sidemen are going to just to drag one of them in private and suck their dick."
  • Ethan: People are actually trying to put us in prison this is a problem.
  • JJ: If you're eighteen and up it's cool.
  • Simon: Rah...
  • JJ: What do you mean "rah?"
  • Vikk: It didn't specify a gender there.
  • JJ: I wouldn't like a male...not that I don't like gays...
  • Simon: It's cool he has a gay uncle!
  • JJ: Yeah I have a gay uncle!
  • Simon: Stop talking about your guncle.
  • "I GOT MY DADDY LOOKS FROM DADDY JOSH!"
  • "__ U smart."
  • The only thing worse than Behz's twitter is "Vikk's amazon buying history of Chloroform and duct tape."
  • Simon: Yo Primark is sick!
  • Ethan: Going there and shopping gives me herpes.
  • "That video of Tobjizzle where he doesn't have a hat on."
  • Josh: Does that even exist?
  • Ethan: Yeah! Vikk's the chloroform man! That sounds like a superhero!
  • Ethan: When I wait for people to put answers in I just look at snapchat stories.
  • Simon: You have the shortest attention span. Actually, no JJ is up there as well.
  • JJ: I'm touching my dick right now so...
  • "Stephen Hawking being a better goalkeeper than Josh."
  • Josh: He has a machine to help him.
  • Collectively: How did that win? "Who's boobs are better CAN YOU KEEP UP?"
  • Ethan: Does anyone still have the GIF of JJ flexing his boob?"
  • Simon: Alright "Vikk Likkes__(NO 12 year olds)"
  • Ethan: Can we keep it as "likkes?"
  • Simon: That's all I'm saying.
  • Ethan: Josh is really enjoying that.
  • Josh: *giggling* What the fuck is that??
  • "Simon once tweeted about trying out Minecraft because he secretly has kids gasping for breath in his car."
  • Ethan: That's why Simon hasn't done a car video!
  • "Tobi dressing as a pink power ranger and fingerng a dogs red rocket til it cums piss."
  • "Whilst Vik is getting down with the 12 year olds, Josh likes to__"
  • Vikk: I almost want to say Josh likkes to.
  • Josh: *giggling* I don't know what I'm laughing at!
  • "Seana sucking off JJ's dad thinking it was him."
  • JJ: I don't know why everyone calls me jeed 'cuz its jide.
  • Jide screaming "__!" into the night, but nobody can tell where it's coming from because they can't see him.
  • "Bronze Beasts"
  • "I'm gonna fuck your fucking fanny off you twat."
  • "Calfuckmehardinmymothafuckingclut"
  • Simon: What the fuck is a clut?
  • Ethan: You can't fuck a clit team!
  • Simon: That's not even a clit!
  • Ethan: Fuck my clut!
  • Simon: My motha fuckin clut!
  • JJ: Fuck my clut yo!
  • Ethan: JJ cam you go red?
  • Simon: No, it's Greta going red.
  • Ethan: OH...
  • Josh: You being racist Ethan?
  • Ethan: NO I was just pondering if he could go red...
  • "Behzinga the minger fingerer"
  • "The semen from Simon's dick slowly enters __s mouth."
  • Ethan: I don't like this.
  • Vikk: This game is getting really weird.
  • Josh: Its taken a weird twist at the end!
  • JJ: I feel like this is too descriptive...I can imagine it as well 'cuz I've seen his dick.
  • Ethan: What?
  • Simon: You're actually imagining my dick right now.
  • Josh: The semen slowly coming out of it...
  • Simon: Now Josh is imagining it.
  • Josh: I'm Dr.Pepper.
  • "Son Zerk"
  • "JJ misreading lyrics and singing 'Jail' by Awolnation."
  • Ethan: *say quietly* Jail. *giggles*
  • "I don't fuck with you, you little stupid ass bitch, I ain't fucking with__"
  • Josh: You need to read this properly!
  • "When Behz claims he's committing to YouTube."
  • "Vikk being a slow fuck and being told to curry up."
  • "Willypoo." (Josh's card)
  • Simon: A for effort.

anonymous asked:

Ok so I don't really care about Larry Stylinson that much but I'm kind of interested right now. So I'm asking you, what the hell is going on? What the frick is with that baby and what are all those conspiracy theories? The hell??

Hello, anon. Well, how long have you got? Because this is a pretty long and messy story that started way back in July 2015. Regardless of your interest in Larry, since you seem to want to know more about babygate, I am going to direct you to a similar post @aaronbutterfield made a few days ago- you can find it here. Aaron has covered pretty much every master post and list out there. 

If you want the shorter version, well, the frick with the baby is that there seems to be no baby- at least not one that is Louis’. Off the top of my head, here are the things that have seemed suspicious or downright wrong about babygate right from the beginning: (I am not going to link you to anything below because I am too lazy;  if you want the whole story properly, go to Aaron’s post). 

Also, let me say right off the bat that you needn’t believe that Harry and Louis are in a relationship to find something wrong with the whole situation here. TMZ seems to be going about this differently, but everything wrong with this whole cluster fuck can be explained away without mentioning Larry once. Aaron did it when he wrote about it here.(I might be fangirling a bit here). 

Note: Everytime I mention the following words in this post, I am “quoting”, as in, I am going with what they’re trying to feed to us. As in, Danielle is Louis’ “girlfriend”. Here are the words: girlfriend, baby, father, papped, pregnancy.

  • Briana’s entry into this- she was continuously papped with Louis on all of their meetings; stalkers were alerted to their location by Annas, who would tweet out a location,.and Bam, Louis would be there.
  •  Briana update accounts were created early on, at a time when there was no reason to create fan accounts for somebody not even in the public eye.
  • The pregnancy was announced at 11 weeks. Yep. 
  • When a baby doll were thrown on stage during a concert during OTRA, Louis picked it up and threw it off stage proclaiming “It is not real”. 
  • The only time Louis confirmed it was at the GMA interview, and boy did he look excited. 
  •  Briana attended four of the OTRA concerts in London, even though it makes much more sense for her to simply attend a concert in LA. At the concerts, she was basically ignored- Jay didn’t look too excited even though she was right next to her, Louis did not acknowledge her, neither did any of the other boys. Louis publicly partied with other people on all the days Briana was there, making it clear he wasn’t hanging out with her. 
  • Questions about the pregnancy and the baby were apparently blacklisted by Louis during promo season- there was not a single mention of it from him after the half-arsed confirmation at GMA.
  • When asked what he was going to do during the One Direction hiatus, this expectant father said he was looking forward to having no responsibilities.
  • Pictures of Briana that surfaced on Instagram are all weird and some of them have a serious case of the baby bump missing, or oddly shaped, or not fitting into the pregnancy timeline. Members of Briana’s family have also  ripped off pictures of pregnant women from google images and other friends and told the world that it is Briana.
  • The Jungwirth family generally being weird af, creating domains for the baby, publicly contributing to the “Louis is a deadbeat dad” narrative, and so on.
  • The birth was first announced by Briana’s grandmother as a comment on Instagram, I believe.
  • There were reports of Louis being banned from the delivery room due to discord with Briana’s family- this was also the only time Louis’ “more invisible than Harry Potter under an invisibility cloak” rep commented saying that was not true.
  • Louis was so overwhelmed after the “birth” he rushed to do the first thing all fathers do-buy sunglasses. He was papped at a sunglasses hut.
  • Apart from the fact that Louis’ hospital bracelet was hand written, Louis was papped carrying a baby car seat with way too much ease the very next day; and both Briana and Louis were papped multiple times during the next few days carrying a baby seat.
  • Louis tweeted about the birth saying he is a father, to a baby son, and that he is very happy. He immediately then tweeted Daddy daddy cool, which seems an odd thing to say about becoming a father, considering it a song about daddy kink.
  • Louis tweeted the baby’s name along with the first picture, Freddie Reign. Not only was he named after a gay icon, it seems an odd name for the first grandchild of a woman whose children are called Louis, Charlotte, Felicite, Phoebe, Daisy, Ernest and Doris.
  • There have been a few pictures of the baby (all black and white), and I believe almost all of them bear traces of photoshop and tampering. The baby also seems to be oddly sized every time, sometimes big and sometimes tiny and never reflective of the age he is supposed to be.
  • Louis has been seen all over the place ever since the birth; in London, Atlanta, Utah, and so on. He was one of the two members who attended the Brits, even though Harry or Niall could’ve gone, seeing as they aren’t new fathers or anything. Cue more uncomfortable talk about the baby, where Louis repeated the daddy cool phrase (just, why?), said it is hard to be away from Freddie for the first time when he has been papped all over the place with Danielle.
  • The Fizzy-Ashley twitter spat; where (in short)Fizzy accused Ashley of posting fake pictures of Briana and Freddie. Fizzy also liked a post of Instagram that mentioned how unfair it was that Briana’s family was demanding a huge amount of support from Louis when it wasn’t even clear if he was the father.
  • None of the boys, or people close to Louis have congratulated Louis publicly, and it doesn’t look like they’ve made any effort to visit him(including Liam, who gave a little press conference to paps and said he was going to visit Louis’ son).  
  • Harry Styles has so far not mentioned Briana, the pregnancy, the baby, or congratulated his bandmate publicly or visited him.I singled out Harry because this man is baby-obsessed almost; he loves kids, and always acknowledges pregnant women even in a crowd. He did not once greet Briana when she was at the concert, nor did he post any sort of message or liked any of the pictures Louis posted.
  • TMZ, which has never really talked about One Direction until now, broke a story about how Louis and Briana are caught in a custody battle, where Louis would have visitation limits. TMZ then went on to say that Briana wants Danielle to stay away from the baby.
  • Louis then made sure he was spotted with Danielle or out somewhere almost all the time; unusual behaviour for a father in a custody battle.
  • Louis then seemed to take his son out to Barnes& Noble, after scoping out the place the previous day. He then proceeded to not check on the baby even once, did not have a diaper bag, did not seem worried when sunlight hit the baby directly on the face, did not mind there were paps photographing his son. The baby stayed still throughout, caught in the same position.
  • Dax Holt of TMZ tweeted “Dear Directioners, what the hell does #endbabygate mean?” and started a veritable storm; Dax then did a video where in short, he likens the baby to a dog, to a doll, brings in Larry for absolutely no reason, pull up polls about the authenticity of the baby and Larrry. TMZ also went on to retweet and remind people about Babygate no less than 10 times. 
  • Briana has a habit of taking her Instagram on and off private, coinciding with whenever she posts a picture. She also had a sudden and unnatural upsurge of followers a few days ago, has dyed her hair brown, and is active on snapchat again. The Mirror also ran an article about all of this yesterday, almost like promoting Briana.

So there you go. This is the deal with the baby. If thinking off the top of my head revealed these many things, I guess you know that there is something fishy here. I also want to add that this list is by no means an all inclusive one, just ones I could recall correctly, and I might have gotten a few details wrong. I was also half asleep when I typed this up so really, just go read the detailed posts.

We are just waiting to see how it goes, and it seems like TMZ knows something more than us. Let’s go.