i envy that mirror

I envy the moon and the stars, they get to see you every night. I envy the sun that kisses your lips every morning. I envy your sheets that keep your body warm and your pillow that holds your head and knows your dreams. I envy your fingers, running themselves through your hair and your mirror that gets to see you…flaws and all, perfect as you are.

Whenever I’m with friends and they want to take pictures together I cringe on the inside even though a part of me really wants to.. mainly because when I see the pictures of myself my entire being crushes under my disgust for my physical form. It brings me to tears sometimes and makes me feel inadequate compared to the people I know. I envy people who love how they look in the mirror and can take pictures and post them right away without evaluating their entire body. 

My physical body makes me sad and upset to the point where I don’t give a fuck if another scar is added or if something happens to it because there’s no hope. I’ve been getting into these moods more and more often. I even try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror unless it’s to check whether or not my stomach is flat or if my thighs don’t touch. My life is a confusing mess and I feel like I’m at battle with myself. 

I guess I’m just venting, I don’t really need advice or anything. I’m just upset right now and wanted to let out these annoying thoughts.