i envy that mirror

I envy the moon and the stars, they get to see you every night. I envy the sun that kisses your lips every morning. I envy your sheets that keep your body warm and your pillow that holds your head and knows your dreams. I envy your fingers, running themselves through your hair and your mirror that gets to see you…flaws and all, perfect as you are.
Insecurity

@goblindesert asked 21. someone is encroaching on their love interest. how do they respond? Thank you for the ask/prompt! <3

Cullen Rutherford x Evie Trevelyan (1548 words)


Evie stared at her reflection in the full length mirror before her. For the first time in her life she stood in front of the polished glass not to ensure her hair or clothing was in place, or that her jacket didn’t have a stain on it, but to examine herself. To truly look at her body and see it for what it was: unappealing.

Nimble fingers made quick word of the delicate clasps holding her jacket shut, allowing Evie to slip the violet silk and black suede from her shoulders to fall onto the floor at her feet. Next came her thin cotton tunic, leaving her in nothing but her breast band and trousers. At first she only gazed at herself, her eyes drifting slowly over her exposed flesh, but soon her hands joined in her scrutiny. There was no hesitation in where her fingertips would prod first. She pinched and pulled at the layer of flesh covering her stomach, watching with a slight grimace as the excess skin and fat snapped back into place whenever she let go.

Her body had never been a concern to Evie. No one had ever made mention of her thick thighs, her wide-set hips, or the extra flesh that blanketed her stomach. At least, not directly to her. She had never found a reason to judge her body in an unfavourable manner, or any manner at all. Surely it was what was in one’s mind and heart that mattered, not the shape or size of their flesh. But an hour earlier she found herself standing in the courtyard wondering if perhaps she had been wrong all this time.

It had been Cullen’s laughter that pulled her attention. She had only ever heard such a carefree and jubilant sound from him when they were alone. Scanning the yard, she found him standing in the shadow of the Herald’s Rest and he wasn’t alone. Evie had thought nothing of the lithe elven woman smiling and laughing with her commander, just another soldier or scout. But as she neared a duo of laughing soldiers her thoughts changed.

“Commander’s got another one. They just throw themselves at him. Lucky bastard.”

“Poor girl. Probably doesn’t know he’s spoken for. He’ll let her down easy, I hope.”

“I don’t know. If I were him I wouldn’t let her down too easy, if you catch my meaning.”

“You’re a real dog. Commander’s with the Inquisitor. And unless you’re blind and stupider than I thought, she’s more than enough woman for any man.”

“Pfft. Yeah, more than enough. That’s for sure.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, nothing… I’m just saying, if you like your ladies… pleasantly plump than she’s fine, I guess. But I’ll take a fit little thing like that one over there any day of the week. And I bet our commander would too.”

“You really are a piece of work. I oughta show you–“

The soldiers’ conversation cut out after that. Evie’s ears rang like Chantry bells and she found herself scanning the svelte lines of elven woman’s body: lean thighs joined with slender hips that tapered into a perfectly slim waist. Evie had never thought of or even truly noticed a difference between her body and that of some of the women around her. But now that she had, she could understand why someone would prefer such a compact frame over her own. Why Cullen would prefer it.

Evie had very nearly tripped over her own boots in her haste to exit the yard, unable to watch the only man she ever loved seem to flirt with another, more appealing woman. Racing through the main hall, she had kept her eyes trained on the flagstone, unable to bear the sight of anyone looking at her. She had dashed to her quarters as quickly as she could, wishing to hide from the truth. But when she arrived, she had gone directly to her mirror. And now she stood before it, studying her body, judging it, admonishing herself for her overindulgence. Telling herself that Cullen would be happier with the pretty little elven woman he had been speaking with – flirting with – in the courtyard.

“Maker, how I envy your mirror.” Evie’s eyes snapped from her much hated reflection to find the image of Cullen standing behind her. She hadn’t heard him enter and didn’t know how long he had been standing there, looking at her, gazing upon her unsightly frame. He held a lazy grin on his plush lips while his amber eyes skimmed over her exposed body. She could only assume his smile was a small act of charity.

“My mirror?” Evie asked, forcing a laugh past her lips. “I’ve never heard of anyone being jealous of a mirror.” Bending over, she snatched her tunic from the floor and held the tangled cotton over herself while fighting to unravel the sleeves.

“You don’t hide from your mirror like you do from me.” Cullen murmured, now standing directly behind Evie. He snaked his arms around her waist, settling them onto her bare waist. She froze under his gentle touch, fighting the urge to push him away. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he tilted his head to the side to lay his temple against hers. Without having to look up, Evie could feel the weight of his gaze traversing the curves that she was criticizing only moments before. “You bare yourself to it without any worry for how long it stares back. I wish I could be afforded the same privilege.”

Lifting her gaze from the tunic clutched to her chest, Evie met Cullen’s eyes in the mirror. She had thought she would find humour in his gaze, but peering into his warm and loving eyes, she realised he was speaking in complete earnest.

Shaking her head, Evie turned quickly in Cullen’s embrace. “I don't–“

“You do.” Cullen argued kindly before she could finish her denial. With his hand still holding her waist, he began to massage slow circles along her chubby stomach. Any other day she would melt into his touch, even chasing after it if he dared to stop, but today Evie found herself pulling her stomach into herself to make it seem smaller than it was. “You might not realise you’re doing it, but you hide from me. You’re doing it right now.” He nodded pointedly toward the cotton she covered herself with. Sliding his hands around the front of her stomach, Cullen took hold of the tunic and gave it a gentle tug. “You don’t need to hide from me, Evie.”

For just a moment, Evie tightened her grip in an effort to keep her body hidden from him, from herself. But when he leaned down and captured her full lips in a slow, sensual kiss her grip faltered. The tunic was pulled from her hands and away from her body for Cullen to toss across the room. At the same moment, she curled her fingers around the base of his neck, pulling him closer to herself selfishly.

Standing before him in only her breast band and trousers, Evie began to shift uncomfortably. She had never felt such disquiet with Cullen before. There had been times when she had tried to cover herself while with him as he had pointed out, but that had been from simple bashfulness and inexperience. She had never once felt as though she was unworthy of his touch, his love. But now, even as their lips and tongues moved together with such passion she could not silence a voice that shouted in her mind that she was undeserving of him. That he would be happier with another woman, a more beautiful woman, a thinner woman.

The voice screamed and screamed, drowning out all other thought and feeling. It mocked her as Cullen broke away from their kiss. It admonished her as he smiled down at her lovingly. It laughed at her when he lowered himself to his knees before her. When he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face into the almost imperceivable plumpness of her stomach, it reminded her that he was only being kind.

The bully that only she could hear continued on, seeming as though it would not stop until Evie had accepted the truth of herself and Cullen’s placation of her. She trembled helplessly under Cullen’s exploring hands, squirming self-consciously as he traced the ample curves of her waist, hips, and thighs. Tears began to well up in her emerald eyes, threatening to spill down her freckled cheeks when he gave her hips a soft squeeze and chuckled in a playful manner. Just as she was ready to push him away and tell him to go, free him from his perceived obligation to her, it all stopped. The voice fell silent, her body ceased its shaking, and her tears receded.

Cullen nuzzled the soft flesh of her stomach between kiss after tender kiss. He held her tightly in his arms, almost as though he could read her thoughts and knew she was about to flee from him. Lifting his eyes to meet hers, he peered into Evie’s unsure gaze with such open adoration and reverence that she found herself breathless.

“Maker’s breath, but you are so beautiful.”


Thank you for reading.
Reblogs, comments, and likes are all greatly appreciated.

anonymous asked:

I wish you would write a fic where Klaus has to look into the Persona Mirror and how he feels about what's revealed.

Thank you, anon, for this wonderful prompt.

This short fic takes place in the same universe as Wedding, but far, far earlier.  Elias x MC, from Klaus’ point of view. 

FF.Net | AO3 | Fic Master Post

Mirror

“I don’t know who I envy more – ”

His own voice, reflected back at him, felt jarringly loud in the quiet of the Prefect’s office.  Klaus muttered a curse and flipped the Persona Mirror over, silencing it.  

He should have known the moment he’d seen the familiar velvet coverings, even if they’d been in as incongruous a place as the knapsack of Clara Hart, his younger brother’s Buddy.  His father’s mirror had been locked away in the Headmaster’s office behind an assortment of magical traps so dangerous that even Klaus wouldn’t have bothered, if he’d had any desire to look into the Mirror in the first place. Which he hadn’t.

But here it was, in the possession of one of the most incompetent young wizardesses ever to set foot at Gedonelune Royal Magic Academy. One who had then carelessly left her backpack in his office.

Klaus heard footsteps sounding from down the hall, recognizing them immediately.  He straightened, slipping the mirror back into its cloth pouch.  When Elias knocked, and then opened the office door at his behest, Klaus was standing accusatorily, the covered parcel visible in his hand.

Elias blanched in recognition.

“What is your Buddy doing with Father’s mirror?” Klaus asked, slowly and evenly.  

Elias’ gaze lowered guiltily.  “Please don’t get mad at Clara,” he began.  “It’s my fault.”

“Care to explain?”

Elias winced.  “I told her that if she were to get the mirror, I would accept her as my Buddy.”  One look at Klaus’ face, and Elias’ voice took on a newly frantic quality.  “I never thought she’d be able to do it!  Or that she would even try…but she did it. Somehow.”

Klaus frowned.  If it had been stolen, Headmaster Randolph would have told him, and probably recruited him in the effort to identify the thief.  That this had not happened meant that Clara’s possession of the mirror must have come with Randolph’s consent.

Interesting.

Klaus set that aside for later consideration, choosing instead to harp upon another fact.  “You attempted to deny your Buddy?  You know that’s not possible.”

Elias flushed, hands clenching nervously.  “I…”

“Spit it out.”

“I-I thought that if I just didn’t help her, she wouldn’t pass her Trial.”

Elias’ tone was sullen and ashamed.  Klaus was suddenly reminded of a moment in their childhood, when his little brother had admitted to stealing sweets from a gift box meant for their servants - something that he’d never done again once Klaus was through with him. He thought now of Clara Hart, the little Bunnyhead, an unfortunate excuse for a wizardess – yet stubbornly devoted and loyal to Elias.

And Elias had tried to purposefully make her fail her Trial. Had his brother truly been driven to such lengths of desperation?

Had Klaus been the one to push him there?

“I’m disappointed in you, Elias,” Klaus said quietly.  “Disappointed beyond belief. A Buddy is a gift.” A treasure, he thought. An image of Clara came to mind, glaring up at him moments after they’d met, face bright red with both fright and fury, as she defended Elias to him.

Klaus banished that image away.

Elias nodded unflinchingly. “I – I know.  It’s not like that anymore.  I would never, ever hurt her like that again.”

There was a long, tense moment, before Klaus nodded.  “See that you don’t,” he said shortly.  “Why are you here?”

“Ah – “ Elias seemed a little startled that the conversation was over, clearly having expected greater censure.  “I was just here to get Clara’s bag for her.”

Klaus walked over to it, slipping the Persona Mirror carefully into the knapsack before handing it to his brother.  “Take care of that mirror.  Clara’s not the most responsible of people, and Father certainly wouldn’t want to know that something happened to it.”

“I will,” Elias nodded. “We might return it to the Headmaster soon.  I think it’s served its purpose for us.”

Klaus wondered briefly, but didn’t pry.  “Good.”

“I’ll see you later,” Elias said, heading out the door.  Halfway through, he hesitated.  “And Klaus – “

“What is it?”

“Thank you.”  His brother nodded his head and disappeared. The door closed behind him with a whoosh of air, sending a brief, cool breeze through the room.

Left alone, Klaus moved back to his desk.  He reached for his tea cup, fingers curling around the porcelain.  Cold.  He moved over to his tea kettle, beginning the brewing process anew.

A stray glance outside yielded a view of the sunset, as it cast ever lengthening shadows in the courtyard.  In the grassy clearing just beyond, he could see two seated people.

Elias. And next to him, his Clara.

They were sitting close to each other – not too close, but within arm’s length.  He couldn’t hear what they were saying from his office, but he stood there, guiltily mesmerized, as he watched Clara slowly reach for Elias’ hand. In a moment of hesitation she nearly pulled back. But then she straightened, seemingly full of resolve, and reached again.

Klaus turned before she closed the distance.  The tea kettle was whistling.  In the din, he thought he could hear the Persona Mirror, mocking him in his own voice, completing the sentence that it had almost said before.

I don’t know who I envy more – Elias, for having Clara’s heart, or Clara, for having his.

Whenever I’m with friends and they want to take pictures together I cringe on the inside even though a part of me really wants to.. mainly because when I see the pictures of myself my entire being crushes under my disgust for my physical form. It brings me to tears sometimes and makes me feel inadequate compared to the people I know. I envy people who love how they look in the mirror and can take pictures and post them right away without evaluating their entire body. 

My physical body makes me sad and upset to the point where I don’t give a fuck if another scar is added or if something happens to it because there’s no hope. I’ve been getting into these moods more and more often. I even try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror unless it’s to check whether or not my stomach is flat or if my thighs don’t touch. My life is a confusing mess and I feel like I’m at battle with myself. 

I guess I’m just venting, I don’t really need advice or anything. I’m just upset right now and wanted to let out these annoying thoughts.