i ended up naming him salad

Imagine attending a family gathering with Jared

I throw my phone across the room, seeing it crash against the couch and finally falling on the floor. I have reached every single one of my friends trying to find someone who could come with me to this boring family meeting I had in a few days, but everyone seemed to be occupied or taken. It’s not like I needed a booty call, I just wanted someone to help me survive a night with my family.

I stare at my phone, trying to decide whether I should go and see if I broke it or not, but I’m too frustrated to move an inch. When the phone comes to life, announcing a new call, I leave aside my frustration and run towards the damned device.

“Yes?!” I answer quickly, not even looking at the caller ID.

“Call Jared”

Not even a hello? Ok. “Emma?”

“Call Jared, he’d go with you”

I throw myself on the couch, letting out a deep sigh, “Jared doesn’t like to go out with me, he’s always avoiding me. Why would he want to go to this thing with me?”

“Just call him, please” Emma asks, probably a bit tired of my dateless situation, “You’ll thank me later”

Without even saying good bye, Emma hangs up on me. I stare at the phone, still processing Emma’s idea. Jared always looked bored around me, he didn’t even look me in the eyes the few times I was able to make him speak to me. The devil was handsome as hell, and going with him would be quite the experience, but I knew he’s answer even before searching for his name on my contacts.

I watch his name for a few seconds, but I’m already in a tight situation, being rejected by Jared wouldn’t affect me as much as I would expect. I dial the number, waiting only a matter of seconds before hearing his voice on the other side of the line.

“Hello?”

He sounds confused, and I would be too if I suddenly receive a phone call from him.

“Hey, Jared” My voice sounds trembly, I’m nervous when I shouldn’t be, there’s no reason for me to be like this, right?

“Oh, hi, how are you?”

“Um… Fine, I guess. You?”

“Fine too, thanks”

Most awkward conversation of my life. We have been on the phone for 10 seconds and it is the most we have talked in the last two years since Emma introduced us.

“Is everything alright?” He asks me, breaking the uncomfortable silence between us.

“Yes, I just… Well, I wanted to ask you something”

“Ok, go ahead” His voice sounds calm, the confusion left behind by hints of curiosity.

“Next friday I have a meeting, a family meeting” I start, “My family can be a bit… complicated and it is hard for me to face them alone. So… I was wondering if you…”

“Yes” He interrupts me, but is the only thing that he says. Jared suddenly shuts and I can hear him sigh through the line.

“Oh… “ I mutter, surprised by his quick answer, “Ok, then”

“Do I have to wear something in particular?”

“Not really, just avoid anything too colorful” I pause for a second, trying to recover my breath, “Thank you so much, Jared, I really appreciate it”

“It’s alright” He says, and I can feel the hint of a smile, even through the phone, “I guess I’ll see you friday then”

After saying my goodbyes to Jared I call Emma to thank her for the idea. She just laughs and recalls the fact that she said I would be thanking her later.

Friday comes faster than I expect. It’s almost five o’clock and I’m checking my reflection on the mirror. I’ve changed my clothes at least six times, and a seventh was coming.

The meeting starts at six and I still can’t decide what to wear. Great.

By the time I choose a simple black cocktail dress, my ring is already announcing Jared’s arrival. I quickly get on my heels and run downstairs. I freeze once I open the door.

“Hey” He greets me, a shy smile appears on his lips as he gives me one quick looks before avoiding my eyes completely.

Jared is dressed full on black. His jacket, shirt, trousers, his boots. All black. Except for the red plaid shirt tied around his hips.

I know I’m taking too long to ask him to come inside, but my eyes can’t look away from his eyes. His hair is falling on his shoulders, the wind moves it slightly to his face, and a sudden urge to come closer and put the strings of hair behind his ear is too much for me.

I look away, opening the door for him.

“I’ll be right back”

I try to smile, but I know the thing that appears on my face is a terrible attempt.

Back in my room, I grab my purse and phone. One last look in the mirror and I make sure to breath properly before going back to Jared.

He’s waiting by my door, checking his phone, smiling at something he just received. I want to ask, but I most certainly can’t.

“Ok, are you ready?” I ask him, feeling nervous but not knowing if the meeting or Jared was the real cause.

“Yeah, let’s go”

We get in his car, and I give him the address to my parents house. Half of the drive there we spent it in silence. Jared doesn’t look at me, he’s just concentrates on the rode, and I try to calm my nerves.

“Why are you so nervous?” He asks me, his eyes still on the road.

“I told you, they can be complicated” I shrug, “They always ask the wrong questions”

“All relatives do” He laughs, and I’m pretty sure this is the first time I hear it. And I want him to do it again.

“I know, but you’ll see…”

By the time we arrive, it’s already past six. My mother was gonna kill me. Jared parks right outside the house and helps me get out of the car. Our hands touch for a couple of seconds, and it feels way too good. But not so much when he slips it away, putting both inside his pockets.

I shrug the moment off and walk him to the front door, which I don’t even get to knock when I see my mom in front of us crossing her arms.

“You are late” She blurts, giving me a severe look, “It’s 6:15”

“It’s only 15…” I try to say, but she shuts me raising both hands.

“No excuses, now get inside”

The only thing I can do is nod and get inside the house, Jared following me in silence. She takes us to the backyard where my whole family laugh, eat and joke about anything.

“Ok, now I get it” Jared whispers in my ear, “Is this your whole family?”

“No, there are always those who prefer to send postcards” I shrug, counting at least 30 people in there, “Thanks for being my backup”

“No problem” He laughs, and I cringe at the sound.

During the first couple of minutes we are invisible. My family is too busy to notice us next to one of the tables, and I thank that. Jared is quiet, as always, and looks around amazed. My little cousins are running around ruining my mom’s flowers. The teens sit apart, looking annoyed at all the old ones. And the adults drink and eat like it’s the end of the world.

“Your family ain’t like this?” I ask him to break the ice.

“No, it’s just my mother, brother and I” He says with a smile, and his eyes finally looking at mine, “I think I’ve never seen this ammount of people in a backyard”

“When I was little it was worse, the ones that send postcards used to come too” I drink the rest of the white wine in my cup for dramatic effect, piercing his eyes with mine, “It was awful”

Jared laughs and I feel proud of myself. Well done, well done.

“Do you want me to get you a plate? You haven’t eaten a thing”

“I’m okay” He mumbles, looking at the food in the table.

“Jared, come on, you have to eat”

I grab him by the arm so we can stand by the center of the table. When I take a plate, I notice how distress he looks, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.

“Ok, what’s going on?”

“Your mom likes her meat” He mutters close to my ear, and I take it the funny way before realizing what he really means.

“Shit, I forgot” I say, stopping my laugh in a second, “I’m so sorry Jared, I forgot you were vegan. God, my mom do loves her meat. Shit, shit, shit”

“Hey, it’s okay” He stops me, grabbing the plate on my hands, “I’m sure there’s something I can eat”

“Jesus, Jared, even the salad has meat. God, I’m so sorry. Wait here, I’ll find you something to eat”

After naming half of Jesus’ family between apologies, I leave Jared alone before he stops me again, and I run to another table on the other side of the backyard. The food in here looks less meaty, and a bit more appropriated for Jared. I end up putting some salad in a plate and all the other things that look like they don’t have any animal in them. Satisfied by my effort, I return to the place where I left Jared only to find my little cousins trying to steal some cake.

“God, they found him”

My cousins give me a look probably thinking I’m crazy, but I leave them behind trying to find Jared in the sea of people.

This is the moment when I realize that our backyard is way too small for the family I have; that some of my uncles are too tall and I’m too small; and that some of my aunts can’t stand another second without showing me pictures of their new grandchildren.

This is why I hate these meetings. Too many people trying to catch up with the rebel daughter and niece that they only see in rare occasions.

After what feels like an hour, I catch a glimpse of Jared’s hair. He’s with a group of men in the center of the sea, a glass of wine resting on his hand. When I reach the group, I receive quick hugs and “I haven’t seen you in forever”, accompanied by the not so appealing “Look how much you’ve changed!”. Jared catches the plate on my hands before I throw it to the ground due to the infinite hugs.

“I found this boy abandoned next to the table” My uncle Mark talks with his usual loud voice, grabbing me by the shoulders, “A really nice boy”

“What happened to Sam?” Tom asks starting with the forbidden questions, and I don’t expect less from the cousin that used to pull my ponytails and braids, “I thought he was giving you THE ring”

“We broke up” I blurt with the same tone of voice my mother used with me not long ago, “There wasn’t any ring”

“Good, I didn’t like him” My uncle laughs, too loud, and too exaggerated, making my whole body move with his. I just want him to let me go and crunch in a corner, “He had too many muscles. That wasn’t natural. You can’t have a relationship with my niece and spend your whole day in the gym. It’s a Sin”

The rest of the group agrees with him, and I look amazed at the group of men discussing my love life. Jared tries to hide a smile behind his cup, but I notice it.

“So, you are Jared, right?” Tom asks, and I prepare myself for the new round of questions.

Jared nods to Tom as I try to get off my uncle.

“What’s up with your plate? You don’t eat meat?”

“No, I’m vegan”

The look on everyone’s face is unpayable, the whole group shuts looking at him like he’s crazy. I laugh, leading the surprised looks to my face now.

“You stopped dating muscle guy to date a vegan?!” Uncle Phil asks me completely in shock. He’s too religious for his own good and I avoid him like the plague.

I don’t get to tell him that we are… wait, we are not even friends.

“What about seafood?” Tom asks him, Jared shakes his head finishing his wine, “You only eat salad?”

“No, there’s plenty of meals you can elaborate with…”

“But meat is so tasty” Uncle Mark interrupts him, and he sounds really offended.

“What do you eat?” Tom keeps with the questions and I just want to choke him.

“Well, nothing with a face or a mother” Jared answers with a smile, and I burst in laugh again.

“Hey, you have a face” Tom teases, pointing a finger at me, “What about…?”

“Tom, just shut up” I cut him off before he can even continue with his question, “Enough, alright?”

I manage to let go of my uncle’s grip, walking to stand by Jared’s side.

“Why do you have to act so offended? Don’t you get bored of being so close minded?” I hear Jared whispering my name to stop me, but I choose to ignore him, “And then you wonder why I don’t come to this crappy gatherings”

I know I’m being too harsh, but they deserve it. The last time I came to one of this gatherings was with Sam, my ex boyfriend, and they spent the whole evening asking him to do stupid things like show his muscles and tell them stories because they thought his scottish accent was ‘funny’. But not this time, and not to Jared.

I grab Jared by the arm to pull him out the circle of idiots, finally reaching the same spot by the table. He’s avoiding my eyes again by putting the things on his hands on the table, so I cup his cheeks to make him look at me.

“I’m sorry about that, I told you they were complicated”

“They seemed nice when they offered me to join them” He shrugs, “But I don’t think you should have spoke to them that way, I don’t want you to get in trouble”

“Hey, I brought you here, it’s my responsibility to stand for you in front of this crazy family”

“Are you sure you aren’t adopted?” He asks me with a laugh. God, that laugh.

“Oh, I ask myself the same question everytime I come here” I laugh too, “Eat your food, you look hungry”

We sit close to my teen cousins, mainly because they look more interested on their phones than us. I drink at least two cups of white wine before we start talking again. Jared asks me about my relatives, my childhood with them and this leads to me asking him the same kind of questions.

His laughs makes my body react in a really positive way, and I try to get him to laugh a lot during our evening. He shows his more outgoing side with me, but I can still see the same old Jared who avoids my eyes every now and then.

“Why do you always do that?” I ask him grabbing his chin to make him face me again.

“Do what?”

“Avoid my eyes”

“Oh, that” He mutters avoiding my eyes once again.

“There. Do you even notice you are doing it?” I laugh.

“Not really” He answers sincerely.

“There you are” My mother interrupts us, crossing her arms again, “Have you talked to your grandmother? She’s asking for you”

“I’ll go in a minute”

“Now” She blurts.

“God, mom, I’m coming, ok?!”

“So, you are going to squeal at me now? Tom already told me what you did”

“Mom, don’t you think I’m too old to be scolded by you?” I mutter standing to place myself in front of her, “All you do is demonstrate what a disgrace I am for you”

“If you would behave…”

“You know what? Just stop” I shut her, grabbing Jared’s hand to pull him out of his chair, “I’ll go say hi to Granny and I’ll leave. I’m done”

Jared doesn’t let go of my hand while we walk inside the house. My gran is seated in front of the tv in the living room, watching an emergency room program.

“What is your Granny doing here alone?” Jared asks me when I stop by the door frame.

“She doesn’t like to be here, that’s the only thing that convinces me I’m not adopted”

“We should have stayed with her the whole evening”

“I agree”

We sit by her side and it takes her a couple of seconds to realize we are in the same room as her. Her arms go straight to my neck, holding me tight against her telling me how much she has missed me. I tell her the same before introducing her to Jared. I expect her to do the same face she did when I introduced her to Sam, a mix of confusion and displeasure, but it is the complete opposite.

“It’s really nice to meet you” Jared says, holding her hands on his.

“You have really nice hair” She says, and we both laugh, “You have to tell me what conditioner you use”

“Oh, I don’t use any”

“You don’t” She asks in shock, “I have to stop using conditioner then, I want my hair as shiny as yours”

“How are you, Gran? Have you been feeling better?”

“The legs keep hurting, but I think I already got used to it” She shrugs and turns to Jared, “Are you her boyfriend?”

“Oh no” He says a bit uncomfortable, “We are just friends”

“What?” She asks angry turning to face me, “Why isn’t he your boyfriend? Are you blind? He’s gorgeous!”

“Gran!” I shout, feeling my face blush, so I cover it with my hands.

“Ask her to be your girlfriend, you look like a really nice boy” She says to Jared with a really sweet voice, “And you have dealt with all those idiots outside, you already passed Granny’s test just because of that”

I uncover my face just in time to see Jared getting closer to my Gran’s ear to whisper, “I would but I don’t think she would want to”

Wait, what?

“What are you talking about?” I ask him in shock, “You don’t talk to me, you don’t even look at me”

“And why do you think is that, you dummy?” My Gran asks me, slapping my shoulder playfully, “He’s mad about you, how come you haven’t noticed?”

“Jared?” I ask him in disbelief, he just smiles shily.

“I’m 85 years old and I noticed in two seconds!” She shakes her head frustrated, “You are as blind as a bat”

“Can you tell mom we had to leave?” I ask my Gran before leaving a kiss on her forehead, “I love you”

“I love you too, batsy”

I take Jared’s arm to make him stand from his seat, pushing him outside as he says goodbye to my grandmother. When I close the door behind us, I wrap my hands on his neck.

“Laugh”

“What?” He asks me with a confused laugh, and that’s all it takes.

I have to get on my tiptoes to be able to reach his lips, but the feeling of completeness that invades my chest makes me forget about everything that isn’t our lips playing together. All the shyness disappears when Jared wraps his hands on my waist, pushing me against the door. His whole body is pressed against mine, and it feels too good. Questions of how I never noticed how attracted I felt towards Jared start invade my head as the kiss ceases its intensity. I like this, I like him, and apparently he likes me. Reason why the first words that come out of my mouth after our kiss end are probably not the ones he expected.

“You should have told me” I scold him, delivering playful punches on his chest.

“You were with Sam…”

“Sam and I broke up six months ago, try again”

“You didn’t seem interested in me” He tries again, with a soft laugh invading my senses.

“How would I ever show any interest in you if you never even looked me in the eyes?” I punch him one last time, “Ok, try again”

“I’m shy?”

“You are not shy, I’ve seen you with girls, and the way you pushed me! Don’t be foolish, you are not shy”

“I am” He whispers, searching for my lips, “I may have or haven’t try to get you jealous”

“Well, it didn’t work” I laugh, “Now kiss me before you start avoiding my eyes and any type of human contact again”

He does as I request, touching my lips with an indelible smile. The kiss continues for a good five minutes when he stops completely pulling away in just a second.

“Let’s have a date” He suggests, I laugh and try to reach for him but he avoids me, “Come on, let’s go and have dinner somewhere nice”

“A date?”

“Yeah, we are already dressed”

“Sounds good” I accept offering him my hand, “It has to be a nice place, we need a good site to make us forget this awful evening”

“Oh, I can make you forget” He mutters, pushing me against his car, reaching for my lips again. His lips are soft, and I forget everything about his excuses for not talking to me, because he was giving me all the attention I wanted right now and it was perfect.

As I climb to his car, I make a mental note reminding me to call Emma and thank her again.

anonymous asked:

Prompt: "Hey my mom is trying to set me up with this guy and you're the only one of my friends she hasn't met yet so could you pretend to be my boyfriend at her dinner on sunday thank you" Bellarke :))

[AO3] & [FFN]

Clarke is sitting in her living room, video chatting with her mother.

“Yes, Mom, of course I’m coming to Dad’s birthday dinner on Sunday,” Clarke says, staring at her mother through the laptop screen. 

“You’re welcome to bring your roommates along. We’ll have more than enough food. Marcus is bringing one of his employees, a young man named Wick, Kyle Wick. I think you’ll like him.” The set up is too familiar. She tried this with her and Wells years ago and then there was that hospital intern last year for Thanksgiving.

Octavia, sitting on the opposite end of the couch, recognizes the set up—she’s actually pulled it a few times—and barges into the conversation. “We’d love to come over for dinner. Should we bring anything? You know Raven and I make a mean potato salad, and I know for a fact that Clarke’s boyfriend can bake like no one’s business.”

“Yes, Octavia, please bring that salad. It is to die for.” Abby smiles at Clarke’s new roommate. Then she seems to register the rest of the statement. “Boyfriend?” Abby looks confused. “Clarke, you never mentioned you were seeing anyone.”

In all honesty, that’s because she isn’t. She hasn’t had a boyfriend since the Finn fiasco a few months back, but she sends Octavia a grateful look before answering. “Yeah, uh, that’s because it’s rather new. I’m sure he’d be happy to come, though.”

“Of course he can come, then, and he doesn’t have to bring anything, but if he wants to, you know we never turn down more food.”

Clarke smiles apprehensively at her mother. “Yeah, well, I’ve got to go, Mom. I’ll see you on Sunday.”

“Bye, Sweetie,” her mother says before the screen goes dark.

Clarke turns to Octavia after a moment with a panicked look. “Where the hell am I gonna get a boyfriend who can bake in less than a week?”

Octavia smiles. “Well, I know someone. He’s tall, a bit of a nerd, and lives across the hall.”

Clarke’s mouth drops open and she shakes her head. “No way in hell am I introducing your brother to my mom as my boyfriend.”

Bellamy, sitting across the room studying for his for his ancient civilizations final, looks up. “What was that?”

YASSS THE CHAP IS OUT

*reads 699*….*expects something horrible*

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS LAWD

JFC REALLY OKAY MOVE ON NO ONE CARES SHE GOTTA CONCENTRATE SHUT UP

and then this

someone heLP IM GONNA SCREAM THESE BROS BAES BESTFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS ENEMIES ARE GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME

“YOU NEVER GAVE UP ON ME, COMING CLOSER WHEN I PULLED AWAY”

LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT OF THE NEVERENDING HOMO IN THIS MANGA SASUKE JFC so glad youre acknowledging it now

narujesus has done it again

ok naruhina fans dont start trippin

LMAO I STILL CANT GET OVER THIS SHIT

THEIR JUSTICE SYSTEM EVERYONE

BUT I MEAN CANT THEY JUST THROW HIS ASS IN PRISON FOR ONE DAY SO NARDO CAN SCREAM FREE MY NIGGA SASUKE HE AINT EVER HURT NOBODY

look how sorry he is everyone

and the lil shit is leaving again how surprising 

probably needs to repopulate that non existent clan of his

no FUCK NO ITS TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT

ABSOLUTELY NOT BITCH

GIRL BYE OMG THIS BITCH IS PATHETIC

yes shut that bitch down real quick

sooooo he sees her as a sister now thats cute i guess

when bae bout to go out and cheat but you catch him

THE FUCK YOU GOING

aw sasuke

idk i just love the way he put this

THE END

the next chapter doesnt exist go home start crying its over

..EXCEPT FOR THIS OH MY GOD

ok now go home

WAIT

turn up

okay and maybe this because konohamaru cute af

WAIT WHO NAMED THIS BITCH SALAD OMG IM DONE

only sakura i swear

wait and this

mobbin’

ready to fight nardo for being late to his own damn meeting

OK 700 IS DONE

IT HASNT HIT ME COMPLETELY YET

BUT IT WILL

SO LONG SASUNARU ILL MISS YOU AND YOUR HALF-ASS ENDING WHICH DESERVED MUCH BETTER AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF HOMO BUILD UP

YOULL ALWAYS BE OTP TO ME

goodbye

tfw when you make a new character as a joke to join on on some fun w/ friends and end up liking said character way too much 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯